X-Lapsed X-Tra – House of X #1 FULL-SCRIPT

X-Lapsed, Episode One:

House of X #1 (September, 2019)

“The House that Xavier Built”

Written by Jonathan Hickman

Art by Pepe Larraz

Colors by Marte Gracia

Letters by VC’s Clayton Cowles

Design by Tom Muller

Covers by way too many people to name

Edits by Annalise Bissa, Jordan D. White, and C.B. Cebulski

$5.99 USD

Release Date: July 24, 2019

• We open with a prologue

• Professor Xavier, wearing perhaps a Cerebro Helmet (?) stood before a pretty gross-looking tree

• Toward the roots of this gross tree are some… grosser pods

• From them spring, I’m assuming mutants

• The Professor greets them… calling them “his X-Men”

• Worth noting, one of these newborns has what appears to be optic blasty powers?

• Is this like a Biblical take on the original 5?  I dunno…

• From here we get a few pages of timelapse, starting five months prior on Krakoa… then across the world and across the universe.

• The X-Men are planting some Krakoan Flowers

• I’m going to guess this is the genesis of the Krakoa Gateways… or maybe the habitats we’re about to see?  Though, I could very easily be mistaken

• We settle in the “now”, at the Jerusalem Habitat

• We’ve got a meeting of minds here, with several ambassadors from disparate nations having been called here by Professor X

• He’d like to make them an offer they may not be able to refuse…

• Apparently, there’s a designer drug… which promises to extend human life by five years, prevent mental illness, and act as an adaptive antibiotic

• Thing is, Xavier’s got it… and he is only willing to share if he can come to terms with the governments of the world

• He will only help those nations who recognize his own sovereignty

• These Ambassadors seem to be split on whether or not this could be a workable arrangement.

• Before we get too far, however, they are interrupted by the arrival of a pair of the Stepford Cuckoos… Esme and Sophie

• I never thought I’d be so happy to see them… but, I know them… and I really need to see some familiar faces here!

• The humans are led up a flight of stairs where they are introduced to… Magneto

• He apologizes, recognizing that he is a poor substitute for the man they expected to chat up… that being, Charles Xavier

• Magneto offers to give the folks a tour

• We get an info-graphic style page next that describes some of the Flowers of Krakoa… including those that can be utilized as miracle drugs for the humans, and those that can act as gateways for the mutants

• We shift scenes to the Graymalkin Habitat in Westchester… which I’m going to assume is the old Xavier School

• There, Jean Grey is escorting some young mutants through one of the Krakoan Gateways

• Including one with broccoli floret hair

• We… or I learn here that only mutants can travel through them without “permission”

• Humans can tag-alongs… but only if Krakoa says it’s cool

• As they step on through, word is sent to a Krakoan network “control center” of sorts

• It’s pretty gross… it’s part animal, part vegetable… and has a whole lotta eyes

• This desk is being manned by Cypher and Sage

• More familiar faces…

• Jean and the broccoli boy arrive… and the tot is pretty wowed to see Professor Xavier and a “hairy guy” named Logan

• In the nearby forest we see Charly and Wolverine hanging out… and the kids are like magnetically drawn to Logan

• I haven’t “seen” Wolverine since his return from the dead… so, maybe he’s a kinder and gentler sort right now?

• I dunno… this whole thing feels very “off”… kind of like the first ten minutes of an episode of the Twilight Zone. I feel like I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop… things seem a little TOO perfect

• It’s… uncomfortable

• Another info-graphic page follows, which gives us a map of Krakoa… and, I believe, places it somewhere in the Pacific Ocean

• Next stop… Space!

• An Agent Gregor and Agent Mendel arrive at a satellite… which appears to be full of agents of various Marvel organizations… SHIELD, AIM, some others… all of which make me yawn uncontrollably… a later info-page will confirm some of that

• This project is called Orchis

• Omega Sentinel Karima whatsherface is here… and, well, honestly a lot of this is going over my head.  Hopefully it clears up for me before long

• Before leaving the satellite, we see that it’s surrounding a giant Sentinel (or maybe Master-Mold) head

• We pop back to Earth, and we join Mystique, Toad, and Sabretooth as they are pillaging the Damage Control offices

• The mutants get what they’re looking for… which appears to be some data… and they split in the direction of the nearest Krakoa Gateway

• Unfortunately for them, they are descended upon by the Fantastic Four

• The Thing waylays Sabretooth just in time for us to shift scenes…

• Back to Magneto’s magical mystery tour

• They leave Jerusalem and arrive at a “hub” point, form which they can travel to a whole bunch of other habitats

• One of the Ambassadors notes the strange language posted above the doorways… and is surprised that the mutants would go to such lengths

• Magneto firmly states that they did so in order to create a distinct mutant culture

• They pass through a door… maybe a few… because we see a smattering of locales over this page’a panels

• We also see… Xorn?  Both of them?  Where did they come from?

• One of the ambassadors turns the subject to the military… and how, the mutants newfound ability to travel anywhere they damned well please really changes the world dynamic

• Magneto assures him that this ability isn’t an instrument of war

• The human ain’t buyin’ it… and, if I’m being honest, if Magneto said that to me, I’m not sure I would either

• Magneto plainly states that there’s never been a mutant war… which, I mean… I guess is technically true.

• The Ambassadors are growing impatient and would really like to finally go to Krakoa

• Magneto tells them that both, they don’t need to… and anyway, Man ain’t welcome there in the first place

• The Ambassadors know Xavier’s terms… all they want is their little slice of the planet.  Humanity is more than welcome to the rest

• Back with the Fantastic Four…

• Mystique and Toad are able to make their way through a gateway… but poor Sabretooth just bounces off.

• The Fantastic Four take their captive… and all looks to be fine and dandy

• Then… Cyclops emerges from the Gateway

• He greets Ben, congratulates him on his recent nuptials… and gets down to bidness with Reed.

• He asks for Sabretooth to be released over to him

• Reed ain’t feelin’ it

• Scott brings up the whole mutant amnesty thing… which, I tell ya, sounds like a really bad idea… especially when it comes to someone like Sabretooth

• Reed won’t turn Vic over… and Cyclops isn’t really looking for an argument

• And so, much to his chagrin, he leaves Sabretooth in their custody

• Before leaving back through the gateway, however… Cyclops makes mention of Franklin Richards… and tells Sue and Reed that, whenever he’s “ready” there’s family waiting for him on Krakoa

• Which… I absolutely love

• I’ve been waiting for there to be some sort of conflict between the Fantastic Four and the X-Men over Franklin for awhile now

• Even back during the build-up to “The Twelve”… I was SURE Franklin was going to factor in

• Mostly because they said he would… but, whattayagonna do?

• Another info-page… this time classifying Omega Level Mutants, which includes li’l Franklin… and a whole bunch of mutants I could’ve sworn were long dead

• Another reminder that stakes, as we knew them, no longer exist

• Back to Jerusalem…

• The Ambassadors take a sidebar to discuss the situation

• Esme… or the other one, reveals that these Ambassadors are all “plants”, and goes on to call them all out

• She also reveals that one of em is packin’ heat… and so, Magneto takes care of the pistol only the way he can

• The Ambassador says it’s just for “protection”… to which, Magneto asserts that “that’s how it starts”

• He’s not wrong…

• We wrap with Magneto telling the Ambassadors that they’ve got New Gods… annnnnd, that’s where we end up for today!

TALKING TIME

• This was VERY dense… and made me feel even denser!

• I am intrigued… hopefully intrigued enough to continue my way through

• Really enjoyed the art

• Whole thing was familiar… but not

• I feel uncomfortable… kind of like when you miss a sneeze.  There’s just a buzzing in my head

• The Space bit with the Master Mold was kind of over my head

• Hell, I couldn’t swear to any of what I said during the synopsis

• I feel like with stories like this, we… or I, tend to get too lost in the weeds

• I spent a lot of my time reading this (for the fourth or fifth time) trying to look for symbolism… where, perhaps there wasn’t any?

• Like, were the sorta religious bits intentional?  Were they there for people LIKE ME who tends to get lost in the scenery?  Will it all pay off?

• Not sure.  I guess we’ll see where this goes…

Next up we’ll take a look at the first issue from the sister series Powers of X #1