We're back to the "grind" - and we're talking that one issue of Phoenix Song: Echo we X-Lapsed folk were all quite excited for! I mean, just look at all that Krakoan Goodness on the cover!
Well... about that? Ehh, we'll talk about it. In any event, I'm having a pretty okay time with this one... despite the lack of X-Stuff.
In addition to chatting up this ish, we're also going to deep-dive on All Thing X in Marvel Free Previews for March, 2022! I tried to keep my snark in check... you tell me if I succeeded!
X-Men: The Seeds of Tomorrow Hickman's X-Men Revealed ~or~ House of X/Powers of X Free Preview #1 (September, 2019) Writer - Jonathan Hickman Art - Pepe Larraz, R.B. Silva, Mark Brooks Colors - Marte Gracia Letters - VC's Clayton Cowles Edits - Jordan D. White, C.B. Cebulski Cover Price: FREE On-Shelves: July 17, 2019
Celebrating THREE-HUNDRED Episodes of X-Lapsed... and SIX-YEARS of DAILY content at Chris is on Infinite Earths, by taking a look into the past -- to the very seeds of the era I've dedicated thousands of hours to over the past couple of years - the 2019 House of X/Powers of X Free Preview!
In addition to our hindsight-fueled look at "What's to Come" in the X-Men Universe, I also chat a bit about how we got to where we are... and do a full-on "State of the Union" chatting up all of the books we've covered to this point.
Plus: Great Mailbag and a Stuffed Voice Mailbox! It's near two-hours of me talking to myself... you don't wanna miss it!
Chris and Reggie's Comix Tawk, Episodes 1-6 (00:00:00) Episode One: Variant Covers (00:43:15) Episode Two: Dreaded Deadline Doom (01:33:49) Episode Three: No Sir, We Don't Like it! (02:48:40) Episode Four: Completionism, Collecting, and Addiction (04:01:07) Episode Five: Decompression (04:50:05) Episode Six: The Four Kinds of Fans
Sharing a compilation of a very special series of episodes. Comix Tawk was Reggie and my Patreon Exclusive program, in which we basically shot the breeze and recorded it. Well, it was a little bit more structured than that... but, it's probably as "pure" Chris and Reggie as you'll find.
Sharing them out here as I don't know if many listeners had the opportunity (or interest) in checking them out before. For this set, we talk about several of the hot-button topics in the comics industry and fandom -- the glut of variant covers, creators treating their deadlines as though they were optional, characters and concepts in comics that we don't really care for, the "myth" of decompression, and a breakdown of the "Four Kinds of Fans" that exist!
Generation X (vol.2) #1-9, 85-87 (July, 2017-April, 2018) (00:00:00) Generation X (vol.2) #1 (00:39:19) Generation X (vol.2) #2 (01:00:10) Generation X (vol.2) #3 (01:25:50) Generation X (vol.2) #4 (01:47:22) Generation X (vol.2) #5 (02:10:46) Generation X (vol.2) #6 (02:33:14) Generation X (vol.2) #7 (03:01:08) Generation X (vol.2) #8 (03:23:53) Generation X (vol.2) #9 (03:47:51) Generation X #85: "Survival of the Fittest, Part 1" (04:17:15) Generation X #86: "Survival of the Fittest, Part 2" (04:42:48) Generation X #87 Writer - Christina Strain Art - Amilcar Pinna, Martin Morazzo, Alberto Jimenez Albuquerque, Eric Koda Inks - Roberto Poggi Colors - Felipe Sobreiro, Jay David Ramos, Chris Sotomayor, Nolan Woodard Letters - VC's Clayton Cowles Edits - Ketchum, Shan, Robinson, Paniccia, Alonso, Cebulski
Collecting the latest (to this point) Sunday Special Series... wherein I checked back in with one of the X-Books that made me go running for the hills back in 2017!
Generation X (vol.2) starts off... well, kinda clunky... kinda cringey... but, it does manage to turn the corner right before the axe of cancellation fell! This is why we can't have nice things...
This is a decently long compilation, collecting a dozen episodes... I hope you enjoy!
Wyler's Presents... (1992) "What's Holding Up the Game?" Yanked from - Green Lantern: Mosaic #1 (June, 1992)
So, this might be the laziest Sequential Ads yet... and, that's saying something!
Whattaya get when your folks are too cheap to buy Kool-Aid? Well, probably Flavor Aid, right? Which, I don't wanna immediately head off on a tangent, but... anyone out there who makes a "Drink the Kool-Aid" reference, needs to actually do some Googling.
I probably don't have to remind you, but... ya'll remember how much sugar we used to put into these? Like, it was to the point where it was tough to stir! And... that was by following the directions! An entire cup of sugar to eight-cups of water. Nowadays, the directions have changed a bit -- Kool-Aid recommends Splenda... which, might offer an even worse aftertaste than the wooden spoon you use to stir the stuff together. Y'all remember tasting the wooden spoon? No? Was that just me? Anyway... Wyler's, on the other hand (which, sorta surprisingly, still exists) recommends sweetening "to taste". No actual measurement... they want NONE of the responsibility for your pending diabetes.
Anyway... let's take a look at today's offering, which, as mentioned -- is a bit on the lazy side, both as an advert and as a Sequential Ads piece!
We open during... uh, the Rapture? Everyone in the crowd of, what I assume to be a high school baseball game, has been whisked asleep... except for the young fella who stole Simon William's 1980's jacket.
He then... breaks the fourth wall (take that, Deadpool!) to address us directly. Ya see, there are ten things holding up the game and putting the crowd to sleep. I'd say it might be fun to go through the baseball boners... but, the answer key is on the bottom of the page. If you're playing along at home, we're doing this on the honor system.
Anyway, in the very next panel, everything has magically been fixed... and our hero is holding what appears to be a glass full of purple gas. It's actually a poorly rendered serving of Wyler's... grape (I assume), and with that - our boy reminds us that Wyler's winning taste can get any game started.
I don't recall Wyler's ever coming into the equation... I thought WE fixed this scenario by pointing out the ten things wrong with the above panel? I didn't drink any purple stuff in the process... did any of you?
Anyway, from here -- we wrap up with the plug panel. Wyler's tag-line has to do with "turning on the world", which... I didn't realize this stuff had any aphrodisiac qualities... but, stranger things have happened.
That reminds me of an odd anecdote from my high school years. I went to high school in the mid-late 1990s, and every day after school my friend and I would make our rounds in the hoppin' town of Sayville, NY. It was the next town over, but, for a time, it was where the nearest comic shop was. So, we'd walk the train tracks from Locust Ave to Railroad Ave in Sayville - hit the shop, then head home toward Oakdale via Montauk Hwy.
Along the way, depending on our cravings, we'd stop at one of two places -- the "Super-Deli" as we called it (because it was a deli with tables and chairs, ya see?), for Fritos and Dr. Pepper... or, the 7-11 for Combos and an Arizona Iced Tea (w/Ginseng).
I'd say I'm not sure why we'd buy these specific Arizona Iced Teas... but, I totally do. They had these really cool-looking blue bottles. I mentioned that this was the mid-late 90s... when so many things were becoming "blue".
So, we bought these things -- they were delicious, and just looked friggin' cool. I mean, tell me they don't! Ya can't.
Now, all was well and good... until we were approached by a group of, I guess nowadays we'd call 'em "bullies", but back then, going by today's definitions, I feel like most people were bullies... it was a different time. Anyway, we were approached... and were told that only [derogatory term] drank this stuff, because it was an aphrodisiac. Naturally, since it was just me and my buddy -- allusions were made, and we ultimately just stopped buying the stuff.
Like I said, it was a different time. I suppose it's a good thing the bullies didn't know about Wyler's having those same qualities, right?
Anyway... that's all I got for today. As of this morning, I'm officially back in the "studio" working on the upcoming X-Lapsed 300 -- which, knock on wood, will premiere on January 31!
Give Someone... a Bad Case of WORMS (1982) From Mattel Yanked from: Justice League of America #208 (November, 1982)
Hey, I thought gross-out humor was more of a 90's thing? I dunno, I look at this -- and, knowing what little I do about "bad cases of worms", makes me itch in places I'd rather not scratch.
Looking at this advert, you might think the product that Mattel is shilling here is simply called "Worms". As, it's the only word that is stylized... bubble-fonted... covered in, ya know... worms. But, in fact, the product's full name is "A Bad Case of Worms".
If you're unaware of the gimmick here, if your parents were to give you A Bad Case of Worms, what you'd be getting is... well, a small plastic briefcase with a pair of sticky worm-like strips of rubber inside it.
Boy, it's amazing to consider just how easy it used to be for us to amuse ourselves, right? Just a couple of sticky bits of rubber and a box.
They were displayed in shops on the usual sort of action-figure peggable packaging, as seen below - and included a certificate you could fill out to... I dunno, legally adopt the little buggers? Legitimize your fandom of non-toxic sticky strips of rubber?
As these were firmly and unashamedly "boy toys", a big emphasis is being placed on how you can use these little critters to gross out all of the important girls in your life. That annoying classmate? Your sister? Your mom? The lunch lady? Nobody's safe from a big ol' infection of WORMS.
In fact, the TV commercial for A Bad Case of Worms is pretty much all about freaking people out. Take a look:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hay3EiNeOV4
Just lookit that thumbnail... ol' Elroy looks dementedly pleased with himself. What he doesn't realize is, he'd likely be grossing the gals out even without the worms.
Now, you might be thinking that scaring li'l sis is the only thing these bits are good for... and, well - you'd mostly be right. But, what would you say if I told you that these Worms can perform tricks? Because, well -- that's the other half of the usefulness of these parasitic Nematodes. By pressing on them, you can make them dance... and if you toss 'em at many of the "slick surfaces" in your home, they'll slither their way down. Oh, what fun!
The Trouble With Trematodes came out just a bit before my time. Well, I was living and breathing on the planet when this Sequential Ad hit... but, I was at an age where I don't think my parents would've entrusted me with stinky sticky rubber. For my generation of gross-boys, we had Wacky Wall Walkers -- which, were basically the same thing, only not shaped like worms. Though, for all I know, there may've been some worms in the mix. I seem to remember spiders.
Actually, after a bit of digging, I just found out I was half-right... or, only mostly wrong. Wacky Wall Walkers were more octopus-ish. Here's a look at an Apple Jacks Commercial which included a (hopefully) non-toxic glow-in-the-dark clump of sticky rubber within.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=syg2kapqem8
And, if you've got an extra half-hour to kill... here's the Wacky Wall Crawler's... Christmas Special? I remember seeing commercials for this... but, I don't think I ever processed that it was actually a thing that exists on our Earth. "Deck the Halls With Wacky Walls"!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xrpxNcu3mes
Back to "A Bad Case..." I mentioned at the start of this already overlong and unfunny piece that, the thing that most jumped out at me was... the name. "A Bad Case of the Worms" conjures up some strange sensations -- nobody, not even a gross boy of ye old 1982, wants to play with parasites... right? I mean, I'm not here to kink-shame or judge, but... ya know, yuck.
I did a little bit of research on the name, and found out that the person responsible is Jill Barad, who would go on to become the wildly successful CEO of Mattel in 1997. She'd state, in a 1990 interview with the Los Angeles Times that "A Bad Case of the Worms" was a bomb. She was handed the product to market very early on in her Mattel career (she'd start at the company in 1981). She said that they "crawled down [the wall] in a very unattractive way." and admits that, "I was responsible for that awful name." Barad claims that the failure of A Bad Case of Worms taught her a lot about "play value" in toys. Which, yeah -- there really wasn't much with the Worms, was there?
With some fake-ass history out of the way, let's take a look at the Sequential Ad itself... using a "found" version of the advert... since mine (above) is a bit muddy.
First things first, we see that the entire city has been overcome with a Bad Case of the Worms... you can see the folks atop the skyscrapers in full-on panic mode. Either that, or they're hyped to watch the Worms travel down the entire length of the building... in their trademark "very unattractive way".
From here, we meet our main character -- who gleefully and proudly informs us that his new toy is "absolutely disgusting". I really don't understand it -- was there a time when boys prided themselves on being gross? Was this a thing... or did the toy companies just try and "make it so"? I honestly don't remember ever wanting to be gross.
From here, he tells us that we can "toss 'em at a smooth wall" and "watch 'em crawl". I'd like to think he's rapping this entire bit. Maybe he's got an equally disgusting friend over in the corner beatboxing along with him.
In our senses-shattering conclusion, our hero uses the bright and colorful neon worms to scare the absolute bejeezus out of his dimwitted sister. That's what she gets for being a girl! Punishment fits the crime, you ask me.
In our post-credits sequence, we find out that these "creepy little devils" are non-toxic... and, if washed with soap and water become just as sticky as ever. I dunno about y'all, but I'm already picturing these things covered in pet hair and dust. I'd guess that, you might get about 45 seconds of play time out of these things. Though, I suppose your mileage may vary.
That's all for today. Were YOU ever afflicted with A Bad Case of Worms? If so, please share your experiences here! I say this with fingers-crossed that this post doesn't find its way onto a fetish sub-reddit!
Marvel Super Hero Portfolios Uncanny X-Men Set Two (1983) By Steve Fastner & Rich Larson S.Q. Productions Cover Price: $7.95
Hey everybody - just a quick share for today.
Yesterday we received the call that our pup's ashes were ready to be picked up... which resulted in a very strange mix of emotions. I'm sure I'm not blowing any minds here, but - this is my first time having to deal with anything like this, so please bear with me.
This was the call I was looking forward to ever since losing him last week -- I felt as though not having him at home was a weird "loose end". I couldn't bear the thought that he was in a drawer... or, wherever. Does that make sense? I dunno.
So, we got the call. And I really wasn't quite as prepared for it as I thought I was. There was a measure of comfort and relief, don't get me wrong. Knowing that we'd be getting him back really set my heart at ease -- but then, that other shoe, as it often does, dropped -- and the finality began to set in.
It's not like I'd deluded myself into thinking that there'd be some sort of miraculous ending to this. Well, I guess maybe I might've deluded myself a little bit. I think that's just human nature... or, whatever passes for it in my addled mind. But this call meant that... I dunno, it was over and done with -- and it truly would be the final word.
Odd aside... the night our boy passed, shortly after he did pass - we brought him to the local emergency animal hospital to set up the handling and presentation of his remains. We were there for the better part of an hour trying to process the entire situation -- while also attempting to make decisions about the next steps.
We ultimately chose a beautiful rosewood box for his remains. We paid, and left... without him.
On the car ride home, my wife's phone rang. It was from a local number. Now, it was around 2am, so we wouldn't normally be getting a call at this time. We immediately realized it had to be the emergency vet -- and, bless us, in those scant few moments - we both convinced ourselves that they were going to tell us that he'd "woken up"... and everything was going to go back to normal.
Now, it was the vet calling... but, of course, no such miracle occurred. The simply wanted to know if we wanted them to hold on to the blanket we had wrapped him up in. But -- for the two or so rings before my wife answered, we were filled with that odd and desperate hope.
And, well -- I don't think that hope, naïve and foolish as it may've been, ever went away... until getting that call yesterday.
I'd mentally prepared myself to receive his little box. I think I cognitively adapted so that, upon sight of it, I'd feel comfort... a feeling of "wholeness", ya know? So, when I did see it - I was largely relieved. We had him back, and - while it was never going to be the same again -- it was a level of "sameness", if that makes any sense at all.
What I wasn't prepared for was... the paw prints.
I knew they were part of the package... but, I don't think I ever registered the fact that I'd actually see them. Like, I knew they were coming... but, never emotionally prepared to see his little footprints. That absolutely kicked my ass. I had to pull the car over for a few minutes in order to compose myself.
Now that he's home again, however, the house once again feels "whole". As "whole" as it can be, given the circumstances. It's not ideal, it's not perfect -- but, it's the best we've got.
--
So, what in all hecks does this have to do with an X-Men Portfolio?
Nothing... I just really wanted to share. Plus, I happened across this bit of ephemera while aimlessly driving around during the aftermath. The wife suggested that I just get my mind off of things for a bit... rather than just clomping around the house like a weeping golem. So, I did.
I stopped at one of the more eclectic shops in the area... a place where I'm almost guaranteed to happen across an oddity or two -- and yesterday was no different. Not only did I find some relatively ancient Comic Shop News's's's... but, I also found this portfolio set -- that I never even knew existed in the first place.
The prints are... well, there alright. I think of the four, the Jean Grey print is the only one I'd consider hanging up -- but, that's not to say that the other three are bad in any way. Just a bit, I dunno... weird? I'm still trying to figure out this WordPress thing... but, I think if you click on the pics, they'll embiggen if you wanna get a better look.
Really not a whole lot more to say... mostly using today's post as a means to get out some pent up emotion, while also sharing some pretty unique X-Ephemera. I apologize if this one was a bit too heavy... and I appreciate you allowing me to indulge a bit.
Wrasslin' (1991) "I beat the @!#! out of Dad last night!" The Avalon Hill Game Company - Baltimore, MD Yanked from: Justice Society of America #1 (April, 1991)
Welcome back to another installment of Sequential Ads, where today we're going to talk a little bit about a subject near and dear to my heart... professional wrasslin'... er, I mean, wrestling. Before we get into discussing the riveting story of today's feature, let's take a look at the game it's attempting to promote!
Wrasslin' was published by Avalon Hill Games in 1990, and was designed by Bruce Harper and Tyler Jackson. It's interesting to consider that an attempt would be made at making a Pro-Wres flavored pen and paper RPG... but, ya know -- I suppose it's not totally outside the realm of probability.
Folks who know me, or have read my work over the years will know that I have a great deal of envy for table-top RPGers, as that meant a) you had friends to play 'em with, and b) you had the ability to sit still long enough to actually get through a round or two. During my childhood and adolescence, I tried getting into things like (A)D&D... or Shadowrun, or Heroes Unlimited -- but, I'd get far too distracted... plus, it wasn't all that fun to play alone, or with a single friend. Hell, I tried getting into the Marvel Overpower card game (Magic: The Gathering was a bit too complex for me, and this was years before Pokemon would become a CCG staple).
So yeah, I always wanted to get into the tabletop pen 'n paper rpg "culture".
Enough about my blibbuh-blabbuh - let's talk about the game. I had to do a fair amount of research on various boardgame and rpg sites to assemble this information and give myself a bit of an education. Let's start by looking at a less comic-booky ad for the game:
Before we get into it - I just wanna say, I love that the designers/publishers actually made the effort in putting together a "Sequential Ad" format to promote their game in comic books. They certainly didn't need to -- but, they did! Hats off for that!
So, what do we see in this ad? A few things actually... looks like we have pre-made player/character sheets (the copy states that there are 24 in total), which might be an indication that there isn't much in the way of character creation/customization involved. We see some "Action" cards, including "Moves", "Voids", and actions dependent on abilities such as Strength, Agility, Skill, Weight, and Recovery.
The play is described as "quick" and "hilarious", perhaps a nod to this game being something of a satire? This came out in 1990, which was right around the cusp of a downward trend in the Professional Wrestling landscape in North America. The era of Hulkamania was still sorta-kinda "Running Wild", but the seams (and fatigue) were definitely starting to show. I like that this is advertised as being a faster-paced and overall quicker sort of endeavor than I'd usually associate with an RPG session. Games (or hands, I suppose) can play out in under ten minutes.
I'd love to go through the entire roster of Wrasslin' Superstars... as some of 'em are kinda of the FirePro ilk, in that they're just barely outside the edges of infringement. Take a look at the... err, "Hurt Foundation":
Howsabout Jake the Fake and Butcher Brother Booty Bruti?
And, who could forget the Hundred Dollar Man?
The roster is broken up with twelve Babyfaces and twelve Heels. Let's look at the good guys first (you can check out Board Game Geek for all of the character portraits if you're interested):
The Whammer: Looks like a mix between your generic 1980's Pro-Wres Russian Heel and George "The Animal" Steele.
The Serpent: Totally not a clean-shaven Jake "The Snake" Roberts.
Hot Cocoa: You'd figure this fella'd be the result of some old-fashioned casual racism (or an allusion to Koko B. Ware)... but, he actually appears to be a Caucasian. He's got a singlet with what looks to be the old Hawkman logo on his chest. His boot's got tassels, and he's sporting quite the soup-strainer. I've been digging through newsgroups and review sites trying to see if any of the experts had an opinion on who he might be a reference to... but, am coming up empty! Hell, maybe that Hawkman logo is a reference to the ol' Birdman?
Brent "The Enforcer" Hurt: Well, duh.
Jamie "The Blacksmith" Kneeshurt: Double-duh.
The Champ: As seen on much of the promotional copy for the game. I'd say he's almost got to be a reference to Hulk Hogan. Though, if that IS the case... why wouldn't they have made more of an effort on the resemblance? They don't look anything alike... other than the fact that Hogan was more or less synonymous with the word "Champ" for much of the decade prior.
The Kimono Lizard: Well, here's that casual racism! This is most likely a reference to Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat.
Ka-Pow: Folks online seem to attribute this one to the Junkyard Dog (and he does look like a Caucasian version of JYD)... however, the nephew of the artist for these cards surfaced on a forum some 14 years back to offer up a correction. Ka-Pow is a "generic jobber" in the vein of a Barry Horowitz. I don't think there's much to doubt here, I mean - who'd take the time and effort to lie about having an uncle who drew these cards? What's to gain, right?
Mr. Brutal, the Mad Hairdresser: This one's easy...
Flying Phil: Looks kind of like Stan Hansen in the artwork, but the nephew from a couple of entries ago suggests that this is actually a reference to "Leaping" Lanny Poffo. I guess I can see it... if I squint. Though, a high-flying Stan Hansen would be pretty comical to see.
Samson: Looks a lot like how we picture the Biblical Samson... or perhaps a mashup of Samson and Hercules. I dunno. My immediate take is that he's a Kerry Von Erich stand-in, just from how he's rendered here. But, the experts are leaning more towards Hercules Hernandez. Good enough for me!
Big Ben: Almost certainly the Ultimate Warrior. He's got the (non-infringing) facepaint and everything.
Now onto the heels!
Big Daddy Warbucks: Definitely Ted DiBiase.
Mr. Umpire: A scuzzy-looking umpire. Totally not outside the realm of possibilities for 1980's WWF gimmicks! Folks online assume that he's a Big Boss Man stand-in due to his moveset... which makes sense.
Tyler "Heartthrob" Johnson: In the art, he's performing a frog splash... which makes me think this might be a deep(ish) cut to Eddy Guerrero's old tag team parter, Art "Love Machine" Barr. The internet seems to think this is "Ravishing" Rick Rude... which might make more sense from a notability standpoint... but, I still think it's Barr.
Ali "The Rabbit" Mohamed: I haven't the foggiest idea who this is supposed to be. I mean, the obvious guess would be Mohammed Ali... which, I suppose might just be representative of having a boxer taking part in wrestling bouts? A "rabbit" is an illegal punch to the back of the head in boxing... not that Ali was notable for doing that or anything... but, still worth a mention? Maybe?
Baby Face Harpo: Dude's huge... gonna assume he's a nod to Andre the Giant.
The Grandmaster: a slimy looking dude with checkerboard trunks. The dude who's uncle totally drew these cards says that, from his recollection - the Grandmaster was a generic filler character.
The Judge: Bears an odd resemblance to latter year Shawn Michaels. The internet believes that he's the stand in for "Mr. Perfect" Curt Hennig. Works for me!
Jimbo the Elephant Man: He's the spitting image of King Kong Bundy.
The Block Buster: Looks like a leaner Iron Sheik... or buffer Gary Hart? The internet blew my mind by suggesting that this is actually Bad News Brown... which, I now can't un-see.
Manly Mike Adams: Looks a whole lot like the "Macho Man" Randy Savage LJN (in)action figure... going to assume this is him.
The Garbage Man: I'd have never guessed this... but, this one's a stand-in for Killer Khan
Tricky Dicky: His art features him running on all fours... and he doesn't actually resemble anybody. The internet seems to think it's Rick "The Model" Martel. I was kind of hoping it was a reference to Ric Flair, as there's no other NWA/WCW representation here.
So, there's our roster... how do we play?
I... haven't the foggiest! Looks kind of like your basic Collectible Card Game set-up. You have your character, and you have your deck. You attempt to perform moves, and your opponent(s) attempt to counter. This continues until one of the competitors is knocked out. Perhaps I'm oversimplifying it... maybe there's an incredibly deep and rich type of strategy involved in Wrasslin'? I do know that someone put together a downloadable computer game version of it (which I did not download... and will not link to because, who the hell knows what you might actually wind up with on your system?). From the screenshots I did see, it doesn't look terribly different from the two or three times I actually tried playing Overpower... so, if you played (and liked?) that... you may also enjoy this?
Anyway... with that bit of "education" out of the way, howsabout we finally take a look at that night we all kicked the stuffin' outta dad? Here it is again, so's ya don't have to scroll up to the top:
Our tale of domestic violence opens with big bro telling his terrified younger bro about how he just beat the ever-loving crap out of their father. I mean, just look at little bro's face? He looks shocked. After all, dad was their only source of income... what will they do now? Will they lose the house? Will mom have to get a job? Are they going to have to stop playing RPGs and get jobs themselves? This is a pretty big deal.
Big bro elaborates... he slammed dad... broke his back... made him humble... and then dropped him on his head! He says he piledrove him... but the art shows him performing a DDT. Hmm... with a miscall like that, maybe this is the first canon appearance of Michael Cole?
It's worth noting here that there's no consistency in the art here. In our very next panel, "little bro" looks to be around nine-feet tall, while "big bro" looks like he might he about five-years old. The furniture also appears to be floating in the background... so, perhaps this entire scene is playing out at the international space station? Oh, and "little bro" was the victim of the DDT.
Little bro asks why Big Bro dropkicked his mom. Is that to say, that these two have different mothers? It's pretty clear they have the same father, right? I mean, our opening line was "I beat the sh-- out of dad!", not "I beat the sh-- out of my dad!" Hmm... the plot thickens.
Little Bro calls out Big Bro for his unsportsmanlike behavior... eye-gouging, hair-pulling... holding (his) mom down so he could thrust his crotch in her face. For real... they call it a "flying headscissors" of course... but, the long and short of it is -- mom had a face-full of Big Bro's crotch.
At this point, we get a shoe-drop moment -- well, it's only a shoe-drop moment due to the inconsistent writing... but, it's here we learn that these two... might not actually be brothers! "Little Bro" is envious of "Big Bro", because his parents never wanna play-wrestle. Uh, LB... that's probably a good thing.
Next we know, the boys are playing a hand of Wrasslin'... after which, LB asserts that BB is "bad". Not sure if he has the requisite badness to rescue the President from ninjas... but, he can sure engage in some light-hearted and fast-paced domestic battery! BB is all about bein' "bad"... and says, if LB wants proof... all's he's gotta do is "ask dad". Wait, so DO they have the same father?
Who knows... it's not important. At least it isn't until I start writing their continuing adventures via fan-fic. We find out here that dad's not done... he's "badly bent" but not broken. Sounds kinky. He's actually out at the nearest Gift/Game/Hobby store buying his own copy of Wrasslin' (for $15 USD). Because one copy isn't near enough for one household.
And well... that's my attempt at interjecting humor into a Sequential Ad that... probably doesn't require my 2¢! I hope you enjoyed (and/or learned something) all the same. I know I did!
Mr. Bubble's Tub Tales (1989) Art - Dan DeCarlo Yanked from Mister Miracle (vol.2) #7 (August, 1989)
Doing something very different today... which, I suppose might require a bit of an explanation.
If you're following me on various social medias you'll likely already know what I'm about to say... and that is, that we recently lost our eldest pup (Oscar, 14) to a very aggressive cancer. I don't really have it in me right now to write at length about him... though, I very likely will in the coming days and weeks. That said, I've tried several times over the past few days to continue podcasting -- I thought a few days away would allow me to process my feelings, and try and find a new sense of "normal".
It might be pretty obvious to those reading right now that... this is the first pet I've ever lost, and it was absolutely going to take more than a "few days" to sort out the torrent of emotion that I have turned into. I'm, for lack of a better term, in "no condition to perform" on the air right now. I'm having a difficult time even talking with my wife right now without breaking down... to belly up to my mic and put on a 45 minute episode just seems like an impossibility at the moment.
That's not to say that the show(s) going away... I am hopeful (and optimistic) that X-Lapsed 300 will be dropping on January 31, which will coincide with the six-year anniversary of this very site.
So, I think that's about all I want to say "housekeeping" wise... but, I still do have a bit of a pre-ramble to attempt to introduce this little side project we're about to embark on.
Sequential Ads, as I'm calling it, has been something I've had in mind for quite a while at this point. If you've been following this site for any length of time, you'll know my fondness for ads of all sorts that appear in comics -- those with an actual "sequential art" bent especially.
Fast-forward to 2019 and the first few episodes of Morituri Mondays, where Chris Bailey and I spent quite a bit of time (probably too much time) talking about a certain Gum-Dinger Lollipop ad, featuring an adventure of Gumby and Pokey. Upon revisiting that weird series of ads (there were three parts to it!), I had quite the urge to put something like this together. I'm not sure anybody but me will care about this sorta stuff... but, hey -- sometimes ya gotta scratch yer own itches, right?
Now, here's the thing -- I already had the first "article" for this series written... I wrote it up probably mid-late 2019... it's nothing spectacular, and I mostly did it to amuse myself. I never published it here, but kinda kept it in my back pocket... a "rainy day" share of sorts.
So, when I came to the conclusion that I'd be using it as a "gimme" during this personal crisis, I set to digging it out of my little journal archives... and prepared to toss it up as today's piece.
And well... it was the Meatloaf Special Olympics ad from Marvel. And, if you're following the news, you'll likely know that Meatloaf just passed away. If you know me, I'm not the sorta guy who tries to exploit the death of a celebrity for views. That just makes me feel scuzzy, and I don't wanna be viewed as trying to latch on to something like that for the sake of some clicks.
And so, I needed a different Sequential Ad. I could'a done the easy thing and grabbed the first Hostess Ad I saw... but, hey, this project is already a "gimme" as it is! And so, I just went through my own Chris is on Infinite Earths Archive... and found the first Sequential Ad that I shared -- Mr. Bubble's Tub Tales from 1989!
Let's do da t'ang!
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Our (tub) tale opens with a boy and girl... going to assume they're brother and sister, not that I suppose it matters all that much. They apparently had a very good time getting each other dirty down by the pond, and so their perky mom lays down the law, and tells them it's bath-time.
Much to her surprise, this command is met with... joy? Jack and Jill run up the hill and can't wait to hop into a tub'a bubbles. Thankfully, they're not bathing together... though, the young lad does share his tub-time with the family dog.
Mr. Bubble's pink hoo-doo makes getting clean almost as fun as getting dirty, exclaims the boy - which, was actually one of Mr. Bubble's original taglines! Ya see, back in 1961, Mr. Bubble was created by Harold Schafer from the Gold Seal Company. Back then, bubble bath was quite the boutique product, often kept just out of reach of common riff-raff like you and I. Bubble bath was often exclusive to department stores -- which was something Schafer and Co. wanted to change. And they did! The original Mr. Bubble, if you can believe it, was a box of powder... that promised not to leave a ring around the bathtub.
Bathtub rings must've been kind of a big deal, as they even dropped the villainous Dirty Bert and his "Bathtub Ring Gang" into the TV commercials for the stuff!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vXmpDK2wV64
It also promised that it makes... getting clean almost as much fun as getting dirty! Which, I suppose we'll have to drop a "citation needed" into the strip on that one.
Following his bath, our bro and sis proudly don their bubbly apparel... because, you don't necessarily have to be pruning up in a tub to have fun with Mr. Bubble! You can be the envy of your entire neighborhood when you order your Mr. Bubble T-Shirt, Sweatshirt, and/or Watch!
The craziest part about these items is... I think we've reached a point in society where it'd be perfectly acceptable to be seen wearing them. I would imagine, had I tried to wear this to school back in ye old 1988, I'd have gotten my ass kicked -- or at the very least, driven to the brink of tears and beyond. Nowadays? I think you could get away with it!
This vintage sweatshirt can be yours... for around $80!
Well, maybe not the watch... but the t-shirt and sweatshirt for sure. I wouldn't be surprised to find out they sell Mr. Bubble attire at Hot Topi... waitasec, is Hot Topic still a... well, wouldja lookit that, Hot Topic IS still a thing. So yeah, I wouldn't be surprised if they sold Mr. Bubble attire there. Probably right next to the Twinkie the Kid ringer and Toucan Sam boxer shorts.
So yeah... Mr. Bubble's Tub Tales! A fun little piece of 80's comics ephemera... and an ad I don't think I'll ever forget! I got to learn a little bit about the history of the product... and even come to the realization that they still make the stuff! They also apparently make a Mr. Bubble-scented cologne, if you're a real savage!
To wrap up, these are the kinds of ads that always stick with me -- ones where you have to send away for something... and wait. And wait. And, ya know -- wait. Toward the end, your entire day seems to revolve around what time the mailman is going to arrive... especially if the end of your 6-8 week wait happens to fall during Summer vacation. Then, all's you've got is time! Imagine being that kid, waiting... day after day... driving yourself crazy with anticipation. Then, the day arrives... and you tear open that package... and, well... you now own a Mr. Bubble T-Shirt.
Anyways, I think that's where we'll leave it for today. Apologies if this is too much of a deviation from the usual fare... I'm just needing to engage in some "gimme" content for the next few days. Thank you for understanding.
And hey, if you have any Sequential Ads you'd like me to look into, learn the history of, or just talk about - please don't hesitate to send 'em my way! Thanks!
Strikeforce: Morituri #13-18 (December, 1987-May, 1988) (00:00:00) Strikeforce: Morituri #13: "Johnny, We Hardly Knew Thee" (01:54:52) Strikeforce: Morituri #14: "All My Trials" (04:04:15) Strikeforce: Morituri #15: "That is the Question" (05:46:44) Strikeforce: Morituri #16: "Grudge Match!" (07:40:57) Strikeforce: Morituri #17: "Breeds Monsters!" (09:34:26) Strikeforce: Morituri #18: "Will" Writer - Peter B. Gillis Pencils - Brent Anderson, Whilce Portacio, Scott Williams Inks - Scott Williams, Al Williamson Colors - Christy Max Scheele Letters - Phil Felix Edits - Potts, DeFalco Cover Price: $1.25/75¢/$1.00
Moving into the next phase of Morituri-dom... in which a traitor is revealed, our heroes are put on trial... and we meet the next-next generation(s) of doomed-to-die protectors of the planet, including the shoe-drop installment which introduces the... Morituri Monsters!
All that, and our usual nonsensical tangents and hoo-doo!
We're getting close to the end of the Gillis/Anderson run... we hope you're enjoying these "big bites" of Morituri goodness!
Reign of X, Volume 8 (2022) (00:00:00) Hellions #9: "Funny Games: Level 1" (00:44:00) Hellions #10: "Funny Games, Part 2: Hitbox" (01:34:29) Excalibur (vol.4) #20: "No Pity From Your Friends" (02:20:36) Cable (vol.4) #10: "Depression" (02:53:50) Children of the Atom #3: "Unusual Dinner Guests" (03:29:32) X-Men (vol.5) #20: "Lost Love" Writers - Zeb Wells, Tini Howard, Gerry Duggan, Vita Ayala, & Jonathan Hickman Art - Stephen Segovia, Marcus To, Phil Noto, Paco Medina, & Francesco Mobili Inks - Bernard Chang Colors - David Curiel, Erick Arciniega, Phil Noto, & Sunny Gho Letters - VC's Ariana Maher, Joe Sabino, Travis Lanham, & Clayton Cowles Design - Tom Muller Edits - Andrews-Ballesteros, Robinson, Basso, Amaro, Bissa, White, Cebulski Cover Price: $17.99 On-Sale: January 19, 2022
After two-plus years in our brave, new post-HoXPoX era... we're finally getting on with it! Well, sorta... all of the momentum is about to be usurped by Hellfire Gala hoo-doo, and a fairly drastic shift in direction.
This time out, we get some Nimrod, Sinister gets in position to start concocting Chimerae, Excalibur gets malicious, Kid Cable keeps being bummed out... and the Children of the Atom sorta-kinda get an origin... that never gets touched on again!
Marvel Mystery Comics #4 (February, 1940) "Sub-Mariner Goes to War!" By Bill Everett Edits - Joe Simon Cover Price: 10¢
Still not up to getting behind the mic. Hoping things will be back to normal next week. Thank you for understanding.
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Since Namor cannot say no to a pretty face, he decides to throw in full-time with the Allied Powers. He is also promoted to Commander-in-Chief of the Not-yet-lantean military... so, there's that too!
This is the first time we see our hero use his underwater telepathy too... I'm sorry, there just isn't all that much to say about this one! It's still fun though!
