Gross Point #1 (1997)

Gross Point #1 (August, 1997)
"Welcome to Gross Point"
Story - Mark Waid & Brian Augustyn
Pencils - Sean "S.M." Taggart
Inks - Roger Langridge
Colors - Patricia Mulvihill
Letters - Rick Parker
Editor - Martin Pasko
Cover Price: $2.50

Welcome to a "sort-kinda" installment of #boohauntedblog.

Gross Point is one of those books that totally flew under my radar back in the long ago.  Just looking at the cover tells me this probably isn't my kind of book... let's find out together.

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We open with the Pickett family as they drive into their new home town, Gross Point.  Looks like Howard (the father) finally found himself a job that doesn't involve bagging groceries.  His wife, Charmaine is supportive, but not all that happy that he appears to be falling asleep at the wheel.  In the back seat, we meet their children, teen-age twins Terri and Andy... who are at each other's throats over a pair of dead batteries, and a missing hair dryer.

As they drive, we can get a look at how strange this little town is.  There's a boy delivering papers from a wagon being pulled by a little were-beast.  A Policeman appears to have a whistle growing out of his face, a reptilian child is being pushed in a baby carriage... they also pass a "Jiffy Mortuary" where your passed loved ones can be laminated while you wait.  What I'm saying is, this is an odd place.

They finally pull up to their new digs, which is right next door to a house shaped like a rubber duck... only to find that it's still being worked on.

Their robotic realtor explains that the place ain't quite ready for them yet (they've got some "howling" to deal with), and sends them to the nearby Hotel DeKaye for the night.  As our Picketts pull away, we can see that another one of their neighbors is dealing with a tentacled horror.  Nobody notices this.

At the Hotel, the Picketts are "greeted" by a pair of surly siamese conjoined twins.  Their bags are taken by a rabid monkey bellboy named Klepto.  Yeah... this is starting to wear on me a bit.

We join Terri and Andy in their room... where they argue some more about the blow dryer.  As Andy tries to fall asleep, he realizes he is in direct beam of a nearby lighthouse (there are no bodies of water around, by the way).

The next morning, the Picketts wake up late.  Ya see, Klepto stole their alarm clock.  This means that Howard Pickett is late for his first day of work.  Whoops.  The kids are left to their own devices for the day... Dad heads in to work anyway, and Mom trudges down to the Employment Office, where she meets a Fortune Teller of some stripe, because of course she does.

We follow Howard into work at Septum International Corporation )(SIC), where he has his first meeting with his new boss, Mr. Septum.  The boss has a gigantic nose... and thinks the name "Pickett" is a joke about it.  He renames our man "Peckman".  He dismisses Howard with a supersonic sneeze, which leaves him in a bad way.

We shift scenes to the Gross Point Mall where Andy and Terri are... well, loitering for a bit.  A lot of low-hanging "weirdness" is afoot... and it feels like we've been reading this for several hours at this point.

They head into an arcade where Andy almost plays a game of 9-Fingered Dave... which involves sticking one's hand into a hole (and probably taking it out one finger short).  Thankfully (?) Terri realizes the gimmick, and we don't find out.

Their next stop is a fine eatery... okay, the food court.  They eat, and they puke.  After an argument (during which Terri invokes the dreaded "Scrote-Azoid" insult) they part company.

The return to their new home (separately)... and are both forced to break in (again, separately... so, now the house has two busted out points-of-entry).  They run into one another inside, and nearly scare the "scrapple" out of each other.

To further that fear, they then hear that howling the robo-realtor warned them about.  Then... out of nowhere, a weird little hunchbacked handyman appears.  He puts together a makeshift flamethrower and heads into the basement to deal with... whatever the hell is howling.

Quick as he arrives, he vanishes... back into the cuckoo clock?  Okay.

The issue (finally) ends with the twins making nice and the family moving into their new digs.  Oh yeah, also with the realization that they're still in the direct beam of the lighthouse.  Wonk wonk wonkkkk.

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Well, this felt endless.

Like I mentioned during the pre-ramble, this is one of those books I don't remember ever seeing on the racks.  One of those oddities you discover in the bins, and you you're so surprised that you actually attempt to triangulate your fandom around where you were when this book came out.  It's like, yeah... I was buying comics... so, why in the hell do I not remember this?!

Well, it doesn't seem like 17 year old Chris missed out on all that much.  This was (in my opinion)... pretty weak, poorly paced, and... ultimately, I feel it overstayed its welcome.  There were plenty of neat and clever little "bits" here... it's just that they were buried among just so many that missed the mark.  Speedy-Mortuary equipped with a laminating machine?  Clever.  Big-nosed CEO?  Not so much.

It's not that the trappings were bad... I'm always down for a "fish out of water" story... plopping an ordinary family into this quirky, unreal town of Gross Point... should be a slam dunk.  But, it's not.  I dunno, maybe it's me.  None of the characters come across as all that likable... seems like if even one of 'em were, there might be something to "grab" me... give me something to root for.

The art here is pretty neat... it reminds me of that short-lived show, Mission Hill.  Even a little bit like that (also, short-lived) Clerks. animated series.  The art is definitely the highlight (at least for me), and is doing all of the heavy-lifting.

Overall... well, I couldn't flat-out tell ya to "avoid" this... just that I didn't much care for it.

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Mister E #1 (1991)

Mister E #1 (June, 1991)
"At the End of Time"
Writer - K.W. Jeter
Pencils - John K. Snyder III
Inks - Jay Geldhof
Colors - Tom Ziuko
Letters - John E. Workman
Editor - Stuart Moore
Cover Price: $1.75

It's funny how things happen sometimes.  Just yesterday I was reviewing the new Books of Magic #1 from the Sandman Universe Imprint of DC Comics for Weird Science DC Comics... and last night I snagged another suitably spooky (but random) book out of the longbox for #boohauntedblog... and wouldn'tcha know it, young Timothy Hunter makes an appearance here as well!

Too bad I ain't a betting man... those aren't odds I'd have taken in a million years!

So... what in the wide world of comics is Mister E?  Well, he'd first appear in the horror anthology Secrets of Haunted House (the credits list his creators as Bob Rozakis and Dan Spiegle).  From here, he'd eventually be nyoinked from obscurity by Neil Gaiman as one of the members of the "Trenchcoat Brigade" (there is actually a miniseries called that...) who taught Tim Hunter (of Books of Magic) about... well, Magic.  Something that even gets a nod in the all-new volume!

Pretty sure that's our man, third from the left.
From Books of Magic (vol.3) #1 (December, 2018) - on shelves today!
(w) Kat Howard / (a) Tom Fowler

Anyhoo... it's always neat when we deal in serendipity... but, will that translate into a satisfying read?  Wellll... in the words of the owl, let's find out.

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We open with Mister E slamming to the ground, having, perhaps fallen a great distance (it isn't entirely clear).  As he regains his bearings he realizes that he is now blind in more than one way.  Ya see, before he was blind, but could still "see" evil... now, he can't even do that!  Wherever he's landed... there is no evil.  Don't get too excited, because there's no good either.

He begins to shout... he believes that "they" did this... likely, referring to the other members of the "Trenchcoat Brigade" (not that you would have the foggiest idea if you picked this up cold).  Ya see, Mister E could sense evil in "the boy" (Timothy Hunter).  He feared that one day Tim would pose a threat to humanity.  The others did not get that sense... and so, Mister E has been sloughed off to wherever/whenever the hell he is.  Oh, and he's not alone... a beast watches from afar... and it's pleased with the arrival.

Elsewhere, Timothy Hunter is alone on an island (of sorts).  He's sitting before a creepy looking building, skipping stones on the water.  The ripples of which make out the forms of the Trenchcoat Brigade.  A super cool panel!

Nearby, the Phantom Stranger and Dr. Fate look on.  They talk about the Brigade training Tim on all things magical... and also discuss Mister E's desire to "off" the lad.  The Stranger is certain that Mister E is no longer a problem, having met Death.  Dr. Fate is still worried.

Back on the island (of sorts), Timothy sits.  Now, Mister E is just about there... when we're tossed into a flashback!

We jump back to Mister E's childhood.  He and his father are out looking at the stars... and, it gets a bit weird.  Ya see, if I'm not mistaken, Daddy E brought the boy here to confront him about looking at pornography.  He wants to give him his "medicine", which, in this case... is scooping his eyes out with a spoon?!  Oookay.  Maybe I'm taking this too literal... here: you be the judge.

Back, out of flashback, Mister E is descended upon by a woman who he mistakes for an angel.  She takes him by the hand... then as she goes in for a kiss, stabs him through the heart!

This doesn't kill him... and, as we all know, whatever doesn't kill ya, makes ya yadda yadda.  The angel goes to hand over the knife and tells him of his "holy mission" to purge the world of evil and sin.

Mister E and the Mister-ious woman blink away... leaving the poor beast all by its lonesome.

They reappear atop a flight of stairs.  At the bottom, Timothy Hunter is "magicking".  He is bringing about the "cold flame", which is apparently a big no-no.  The angel finally actually hands over the knife... Mister E knows what he must do.  And so, he shanks poor Timmy Hunter!

As Tim lay dying he tells Mister E what he was really doing.  He was only calling forth the "cold flame" so that he could contain it!  Now he's lost it... and who knows what's going to happen now?  So, kinduva "whoops" there.

And, just then... the Cold Flame starts to spill.  Mister E finds himself inadvertently responsible for dooming the world!  He turns to the angel... and she's pleased as punch.  He slashes at her with the blade, which only tears her facade.

Revealing herself to be... The Temptress!  You might be asking "who?", and I wouldn't blame you... this is an all-new character, so that "just why is this a big deal?" feeling you have is fully warranted.

She taunts him for a bit... claiming that she's given him what he's really always wanted.  His "purity" gimmick was just a put on.  He's really just a filthy scumbag.  With that, she drops Mister E back in the wherever the hell... and vanishes.  He is now all alone again... except of course, for the beast!

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I'm going to be honest here... this one took multiple reads to fully appreciate (or at least to appreciate as much as I can).  This is a weird book... and really, almost inaccessible to those unfamiliar with the Books of Magic prestige format miniseries.  I'll put it to you this way... if you didn't already know that the fella with the red specs was Mister E, you wouldn't even know whose story we're following, because he doesn't get an actual introduction!

There are no footnotes to tell us where we're entering the story... it couldn't be after Books of Magic, since this very issue includes a House Ad for the still-happening miniseries (heck, maybe they came out concurrently, and this does happen after).  Did Mister E just vanish in between panels during that story?  If so, that's fine... just tell us.

Now, it might sound like I'm being negative... and I suppose I kind of am, but... after reading this a second (and third) time, I actually quite enjoyed it.  Of course, I did have the luxury of having the DC Wikia (and regular old Wikipedia) open as I worked my way through... something that a 1991 comics enthusiast wouldn't have as an option.  It was only then that I could follow (at least I think I followed) what was going on.

For what we get here... it's not half bad.  Having only read this for the first time today, a lot of its trappings feel a little bit played out.  Can't hold that against it though... it's not this book's fault that subsequent comics creators have mined the same tropes over and over again in the interim.

I really enjoyed the art... the second time around.  It is pretty abstract at first blush, however, once you get your bearings with the story, it's really very nice.  Like I mentioned during the synopsis... I really dug that image of the Trenchcoat Brigade showing up in the ripples of the skipped stone.

Overall... if you're familiar with the Books of Magic world, or the proto-Vertigo DC Universe, you should be able to follow this.  If you're not... well, if you're not averse to needing to have your Google Machine open while you're reading a comic book, I think you can get a lot out of this.  This looks like a bin-dive, as it has not been made available digitally.

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Black Magic #6 (1974)

Black Magic #6 (October-November, 1974)
"The Thirteenth Floor!"
"Satan's Sister!"
"The Girl Who Walked on Water!"
"I Wouldn't Let Him Die"
Writer - Joe Simon
Pencils - John Prentice, Bill Draut, & Jack Kirby
Editors - Joe Simon & Jack Kirby
Cover Price: $0.20

Well, we're just about a week away from Halloween... so, we might as well have at least one installment of #boohauntedblog!

Let's kick it Bronze-Age and get down with some'a that Black Magic.

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Our first tale opens with man named Clement Dorn... and he's not in great place.  He is contemplating suicide... even considering throwing himself out a window right then and there... unfortunately, or fortunately rather, there are too many people around, and he'd rather "go out" without a bunch of gawking witnesses.  I dunno, I figure there'll be plenty of gawking when he goes splat, no?  Anyways, he decides to hop into the elevator and go up a few floors for his jump.  He winds up... on the Thirteenth Floor!

The thirteenth floor is darkened... and looks kind of like a bank line-up, folks are standing single-file before a desk.  At the desk, a pair of nebbish fellows are "checking in" the patrons... of whatever this line might lead to.  Turns out, it's not entirely unlike an airport... folks in line are waiting for their flight.  Turns out... our friend Dorn ain't on anybody's manifest.

Then after the sound of a plane landing, a pilot all clad in golden gear emerges.  He's informed by the desk that not all of his passengers have checked in yet... and also, they've actually got one extra (Dorn, of course).

Then... another pilot, this one dressed in all black with a red cape, enters the scene.  He's told that his passenger has arrived... and Dorn fears that it might be him.  It's not.

Realizing the destinations of the "flights" offered on the thirteenth floor, Dorn starts to panic... he asks if he can leave, and they're all "Yeah, of course..." after all, he's not on the manifest.  On his way out, he overhears that the passenger they're waiting for is a woman.  Next thing we know, Dorn is waking up in the elevator.

With a new lease on life, our man heads outside the building... and witnesses a woman being hit by a car... right on schedule for her "flight".

Our next story opens with a woman named Lisa.  She is attempting to visit with her abusive twin sister, Peg.  After being told by some dude that "she ain't here" she runs into a fella by the name of Mark Kenyon.  He becomes rather enchanted by her, and takes her to a gross little diner to get to know her better.

He learns that Peg, her twin, is a "bad girl"... always getting into trouble... like, serious trouble.  Anyhoo, this chance encounter blossoms into a serious relationship, and three months later, Mark pops the question.  She, unfortunately, cannot say yes... she's still dealing with her twin-sister-flavored trauma.

Mark decides it's time for him to become a bit more proactive... and maybe try and track down Peggy himself.  He visits some of the seedier areas of town... and while everyone he speaks to knows of Peg, none of them know where she is.  He does finally happen across her though... and wouldn'tcha know it, she's the spitting image of Lisa.  Starting to see where this is headed?

Mark tries to reason with her... telling her that she's sick, and needs help.  Which... I mean, that's probably the worst thing he could've said.  She refuses to come with him... and later on, Lisa tells Mark to just leave things alone.  Curious...

He doesn't, though!  Mark visits Peggy yet again... and almost winds up getting shanked!

Mark returns to Lisa's apartment... but, she's not home.  Her landlord approaches to see if she can help him... and here's where the other shoe drops... as far as the landlady knows, Lisa doesn't have a twin sister!  Mark heads inside and, when he finally puts two and two together... someone enters behind him!!!

Our final story (not counting the text piece) opens with a couple of businessy fellas watching a young girl walking on water!  Apparently, she can walk up walls too!

We jump back to earlier that day where the nerdier businessman, Ernie is trying to convince his partner Walt that he'd seen young Anna Marie Kunowski performing the amazing feat.  He takes Walt to Anna's house where she demonstrates her ability to walk up walls.  Seems weird to have a pair of middle-aged dudes visit a 14 year old girl... but, whattaya gonna do?

Next, she demonstrates her ability to walk on water.  Walt and Ernie posit that it's a simple case of mind over matter for the girl.  She's so out to lunch that she doesn't realize that gravity is a thing... and as such, isn't governed by its laws... or something.

The next day, our heroes are already putting the wheels in motion to exploit this girl and her amazing "powers".  They've already arranged with a lawyer for contracts to be written up... they're going to take this show on the road!

After work, they pop in for another visit with Anna Marie.  Her mother answers and tells the awful men to stay away.  Bout time, right?  Anna bursts in the room and proceeds to share her tale of woe.  Ya see, she walked down a wall in front of a kid named Tommy Nagle.  Young Tommy thought it was a heckuva gag, and so... he opened a third story window, and attempted to walk down the wall himself.  This didn't end well.

Our heroes still manage to convince Anna Marie to perform her feat for "the press".  They want her to show the world that, get this, gravity... is strictly for squares!  Ay yai yai.  Later on we rejoin our trio at the lake... and "the press" shows up.  "The Press" is... just one dude with a pencil.

Anna Marie takes her first step onto the lake... and plummets underwater!  Ya see, after seeing what happened to Tommy, she has a fear of falling... game over, man.  Ernie and Walt are outta luck... unless they find another kid so out to lunch that they don't know they can't fly.

We wrap up with a text-piece... but, nobody reads those anyway.  It's right here if ya want it!

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The thing about these old horror titles... I enjoy 'em, but I can't really point to "why".  They're not exceptionally good (or bad)... they usually end in the most anticlimactic ways... and it's really hard (at least for me) to get truly engaged when they only get six-pages to tell the stories.

Not to say I'd want to see any of these tales bloated out to "novel-sized epics" or anything... I just have difficulty really forming any attachment to characters and concepts with so few pages.

Like I said with yesterday's Hex #1 review... these stories all feel like episodes of Twilight Zone... unexceptional, at points completely predictable... but with the ability to stick with ya.

I think the "meatiest" story we get here is probably the Lisa/Peggy twin deal.  I mean, it was predictable from the word "go", but I had a pretty good time with it.  Sometimes knowing exactly how a story is going to turn out is a turn off... other times, you just enjoy the ride.

The "cover story" about the Thirteenth Floor... another predictable one, to be sure.  The symbolism was so blatant, I'm not even sure we could even call it that.  Enjoyable enough... and, I'll admit, the twist ending kinda surprised me.  Wasn't expecting to see that poor woman getting hit by the car!

The "water walking" story was more of a comedy than anything.  Outside of that one Tommy kid falling down, the stakes were incredibly low.  Just a couple of shysters trying to exploit a girl so out to lunch that she doesn't realize she can't walk on walls and the like.  It was silly... and ended the best way possible.  Ernie and Walt, dejected and back to their mundane jobs... however, now with a taste of "hope"... they're not going to give up on finding another dopey kid whose "abilities" they can take advantage of.

Overall, you get a pretty good package here.  Three short subjects that don't overstay their welcome.  If you don't have any hangups about "getting comfortable" with short stories (like I do), I bet you'll dig this lots.  Naturally, this issue isn't available digitally.  If only Batman were in it!  If you're gonna dig for the single issue, it shouldn't break the bank!

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