Chris and Reggie's Cosmic Treadmill, Episode 149 - Collected Adventures of the Fabulous Furry Freak Bros #1 (1971)

Chris and Reggie's Cosmic Treadmill, Episode #149

The Collected Adventures of the Fabulous Furry Freak Bros. #1 (1971)

By Gilbert Shelton

Rip-Off Press

Cover Price: $0.60

Hello Everyone... and welcome to the penultimate episode of Chris and Reggie's Cosmic Treadmill.  This is the final episode from the formerly Patreon Exclusive "After Dark" Collection... and, it's not nearly as... uh, I think the word I've been using is "spicy" as the prior three.

Still... mature themes abound... lots of talk about drugs and the history of drugs in the United States.

I hope you enjoy!

Flash #203 (1971)

Flash #203 (February, 1971)
"The Flash's Wife is a Two-Timer!"
Story - Robert Kanigher
Penciller - Irv Novick
Inker - Murphy Anderson
Cover Price: $0.15

There are a handful of covers I'd love to have blown up to hang on my wall... this is most definitely one of those covers!  It's somehow wacky and comicbooky while still being somewhat haunting.

In my research I discovered that a lotta folks thought that civilian walking behind the Flash was Stan Lee or Gray Morrow.  Turns out it was just some random dude who they threw a beard on.  The truth is always less fun, ain't it?

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We open aboard the Justice League Satellite where a lonely Flash arrives a bit early for his shift on monitor duty.  His wife is away on assignment... and he's also just learned something about her that has left him a bit shaken.  He meets an... oddly passive-aggressive Superman.  I mean, really passive-aggressive... he's all like "I'm a lonely alien... but what would you know about that?"  Yeesh.  This starts Flash's walk... er, run... down memory lane.  He shares the story of Iris West's secret origin...

Ya see, a few days ago Barry returned home to find a note from his wife... one which revealed that she was being drawn 1,000 years into the future!  So, a quick ride on the Cosmic Treadmill (which looks so weird in Barry's house), and he arrives in the year 2970!  It's a strange desert landscape and the Sun glows red.  He appears below a river... in a tube!

Now if you've ever traveled through time, you know what kinda thirst ya work up.  And so, Flash heads up to the tube-river and bores a hole to get himself a drink.  Little does he know that stealing water is a capital offense in 2970... and he is chased off by some futurecops.  

He is able to evade capture by vibrating through a nearby mountain... and winds up standing before a strange "self contained city"... it's really quite the thing!  Super interesting to see.  As he approaches the city he spies some gigantic mutant vegetation... like giant tomatoes and stuff.

Inside the town, he accidentally bumps into a citizen who bumps into another citizen who had just procured his family's daily allowance of water.  Before a fight can break out, a siren begins to sound... and all of the folks start heading for shelter.  Coming down a nearby staircase... is Iris!

She tells Barry to beat it... he doesn't belong here.  Flash doesn't quite understand... and she doesn't really need much arm twisting to spill the beans.  She claims that while cleaning out her father's basement she came across a locket with the name "Iris Russell" engraved on it.

She picks it up... and it begins speaking to her!  It tells the story of the Secret Origin of Iris Wes-- Russell!  Ya see, Iris was born on the doomed planet Krypto-- oh, wait... that's the wrong one... but as we're about to learn, it's not too far off.  Here goes: In the future, the Earth has split into two factions... Earth-West (no relation) and Earth-East.  The two sides were in conflict, and when West got word that East was preparing to drop the nukes, the Russell family decided to send their only daughter Iris BACK TO THE PAST.  She appears on the backyard patio of the West family in the weeks following Mrs. West's miscarriage.  They decide to raise the child as their own.

As the story winds down, Iris is met by her father Ira who confirms it all as true.  We get a little bit of the "How could you have kept this from me?" spoo from Iris, but really now... you'd imagine that'd be a tough subject to broach.  After a chat everything is hunky-dory, and Iris even wears the locket!  While fixing dinner for her husband... she begins to feel a vibrational pull... to the future!  This is when she writes the note.  She signs it "H", which I don't quite understand.

Before we know it, Iris arrives in the year 2970... and wouldn'tcha know it, no sooner does she appear than her birth parents just happen to stroll past!  Talk about convenience...

Her parents take her to a tower where they tell her the story of their own survival.  They reveal that Earth-West is kept under constant surveillance from Earth-East.  They are often raided for slave labor and other unpleasantness.  We get a pretty grim view of the future here.  Suddenly a Spy Satellite flies by with a message... it would seem that Sirik, Supreme Leader of Earth-East has decided to take a wife... and wouldn'tcha know it, he's picked Iris Russell-West-Allen!  Iris, good daughter that she is agrees if it saves Earth-West from another nuclear situation.

Back in the present... future-present... present in the future, but after the future flashback we just read... er... back at the point in the future where the Flash has found Iris (there we go!) Barry says he'll take care of ol' Sirik.  It just so happens that Sirik is arriving right at this moment!  Barry challenges Sirik to a fight to the death for the hand of Iris... and Sirik, sporting dude that he is, is hip to the idea.

The battle begins with... Flash running away!  Sirik sends his men to give chase, and they follow him to... a playground?  Like, seriously... a playground.  He trounces the grunts with relative ease... and by the grace of a swing set.

 

Barry confronts Sirik, who has situated himself behind a "trick wall".  Ya see, it's like a ballistic two-way mirror... he can fire through it, but it shields him from attacks.  I guess it's a good thing he wound up on the right side of it!

What Sirik wasn't counting on was Barry's ability to vibrate through walls... which, ya know... he does!  Sirik gets his butt kicked pretty soundly.  The baddie then reveals that for every half-hour he doesn't return to Earth-East... missiles will be fired at Earth-West.  Convenient, that.

And so, in the matter of two panels, Barry vibrates the onslaught of missiles into exploding prematurely in the sky... and the destroys the missile sites in Earth-East.  Wow.  In a third panel, he solves world peace.

The story wraps up with Barry and Iris returning to the present... well, the present insofar as it's still 1970 and part of the story Flash is sharing with Superman.  They return just a split-second after Barry had leapt to the future.  We close with Barry ending his tale... and Superman kinda being a jerk about it.  Playing "can you top this", like "Well, at least you have Iris... I'm all alone."  Gotta wonder what crawled up his butt today.

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What a weird issue!

In being a post-Crisis, and thereby post-Barry DC fan... I never had all that much in the way of context for Iris being a future-child.  When I read through the tail end of this volume... ya know, the Cary Bates Trial of the Flash stuff, Iris was dead... having been killed by Reverse Flash, but then she was back in the future... and she and Flash retire there after Flash #350... just in time for his ultimate moment of profundity during Crisis.  I guess I never thought all that hard about it... and just accepted that Iris was somehow connected to the future.  That's kinda the way being a comics fan was back in the day... or at least the way I was.

Little did I know that the idea of Iris being out-of-time was introduced some 15 years earlier!  Let's chat that up a bit.  I kinda joked about it during the synopsis, but it's kinda striking how similar her origin is to Superman's.  Sent to safety in the face of destruction by parents... arriving before a childless couple, who raises the baby as their own.  It might have been funny to pop back to Flash and Superman's chat at that point to see his reaction.

Speaking of Superman... wow, he was in rare form here wasn't he?  I mean, he appears in all of two panels, and is insufferable in both!  I never considered him to be a sad sack... but here we are.  He's like that guy you know that you can't confide in, because instead of listening to your plight, they just try to top it!  You get a lot of "You think that's bad...?" replies... and you just wanna walk away.

While I enjoyed this story, I gotta say... it was awfully convenient.  It might sound hypocritical to raise that observation in light of my disdain for today's "for the trade" decompressed storytelling, but everything just fell into place perfectly here.  Flash immediately found Iris in the future... Iris immediately found her birth parents in the future... Sirik immediately arrives to accept Flash's challenge... and Flash immediately disarms the entire Eastern half of the globe.  Not that I'd want this expanded into a six-issue arc, but maybe give it a few more pages.  Then again, I'm not sure if they realized the kind of ramifications this story would have... perhaps they assumed it would just be swept under the rug, and never referenced again.  I'm guessing there were folks who wish it were!

The art here was really nice.  I think I might be a bit gun shy on pre-Crisis Flash books because I don't dig Carmine Infantino's later style all that much... but that's like a decade after this.  Either way, I was pleased to see this was a Novick book.  Also, I mentioned it above but... dang, what a wild cover!  Love it!

Overall, this might be an issue worth tracking down.  It adds a whole lot to Flash lore, and is an all-around fun read.  Unfortunately the SHOWCASE Presents line petered out before this issue could be reprinted... though, for your convenience it is available digitally.

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527

Mister Miracle #1 (1971)

Mister Miracle #1 (April, 1971)
"Murder Missile Trap!"
Writer, Artist & Editor - Jack Kirby
Inker - Vince Colletta
Cover Price: $0.15

Well, how about that... today August 28th, would have been Jack Kirby's 99th (!) birthday!  I figure what better way to celebrate/commemorate than to talk about one of my very favorite Kirby Kreations... definitely my favorite of his time at DC Comics... Mister Miracle!  What better place to start than at the very beginning... wayyy back in 1971.

Happy Birthday to the King!

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We open up with Mister Miracle being shackled by his assistant Oberon as he practices escape from a flaming cabinet trick.  Miracle feels extra motivated to get this trick right as he's noticed there's a dark-haired young man watching the exhibition from a distance.  Oberon locks his man in the cabinet and then... unloads a flamethrower (!) at it.  The young man hops the fence and tries putting out the flames with his sport jacket.  Mister Miracle bursts through the wreckage... and laments the fact that his advanced age has seemingly dulled his escape-senses.  Ya see, Mister Miracle is not Scott Free here, but Thaddeus Brown!  Scott's the onlooker.

Scott, Thad, and Oberon share some pleasantries and as they are about to part company a group of thugs emerge from a car.  They're apparently from (the hyphenated) Inter-Gang and they've got some bid-ness with Thad-eus.  Scott gets involved, and starts... well, it looks like he's beating them with his purse.  The battle is short-lived, and the good guys come out on top.  Scott helps Thad to his feet, and the elder tells the story of the man called Steel Hand.

Speaking of Steel Hand... thankfully not Sarge Steel (Hand)... we shift to a scene with him bunkered in a sealed room where his artificial mitt is getting zapped with radiation.  He received an update from one of his underlings via a "TV" (quotes theirs).  He vows that he will take Mister Miracle out himself (or by using a sniper)... and karate chops a bar of solid titanium to punctuate his point.

Brown was so touched by Scott's altruistic act that he offered his spare room to him.  Scott, unable to leave the poor old man at the mercy of Inter-Gang, agrees.  Thaddeus enters and we get his "secret origin"... he used to be The Great Thaddeus, however his (late) son Ted thought it lacked flair... and so, Mister Miracle was born.  Thad displays a great amount of fatigue... he's been relentlessly training for something he called the "Big Trap".  Scott presses the subject, but Thad doesn't really want to expound... as it's upsetting to Oberon.

Scott won't let up... his curiosity is piqued about this "Big Trap".  He tries giving some hints about eliminating any and all confounding variables that may cause his trick to be unsuccessful.  Now Thad's curiosity is piqued... he wants to see how Scott would escape the chains.  Scott's down with it... but he's gotta get something from his bag first.  After that brief detour, he's wrapped in chains, and well...

He tells Thad and Obe that he's a modern man in the age of gadgets, and shows them his magnetic repulsor doohickey.  He continues by explaining that the contents of his bag were an inheritance from his time at the orphanage.  Oberon suggests that Thad use it for the "Big Trap", but the ol' man ain't havin' it.  He will "live or die" by his own methods.  Dude's got conviction... gotta give him that!

We rejoin our pals the following day.  Mister Miracle is bound to a tree, and Oberon is set to dislodge a one-ton metal sphere from the top of a hill and send it directly into Thad's path.  All that, and there's currently a sniper with Thad in his cross-hairs.

Scott hears a loud "coughing" sound, and runs in to stop the sphere from crushing his new buddy.  He does so by blasting it with a beam emanating from his hand.  By the time he gets to Mister Miracle, it's already too late.  He's been shot!

With his last words, Thaddeus tells Scott that the "Big Trap" was conceived by Steel Hand, and it's escape-proof reputation was due to it only ending in death.  Scott rolls up his sleeve and removes a strange box from the odd metal arm-brace apparatus he wears and holds it up to Thad's ear... it lulls him into the hereafter peacefully.  Once he passes, Oberon shares the complete story with Scott.  Steel Hand and Thad met in a hospital some years earlier.  While there, they made a $10,000 wager about the "escape-proof" trap.

We flash to a few days later in Steel Hand's office (?) where he is preparing to test the might of his magical mitt by arm-wrestling a robot that can "punch holes in a battleship".  Steel Hand handily (nyuk) beats the bot.  As he celebrates with a stogie, he is shocked to find see Mister Miracle climbing through his window.  He wants another chance to escape the "big trap".

It isn't long before the Inter-Gang thugs storm the room.  It's funny, they're all brandishing ridiculously powerful rifles, but only thump Mister Miracle with the "butt" of the gun.  With him kayoed, Steel Hand issues the command that he be bound to the nose of a rocket that is about to be launched into space.  Man, Inter-Gang's got connections!

Mister Miracle touches his two index fingers together, which causes a little electrical current to start to sizzle as the rocket takes off.  Steel Hand and Inter-Gang gleefully look on while it bursts into flames.  Job well done, Steel Hand returns to his office.  Only, he finds somebody's sitting behind the big desk... Mister Miracle!

What follows is a brief bru-ha-ha, that culminates in Mister Miracle blasting Steel Hand's... steel hand off, and tying the goon up with his compact cocoon spinner!  All that's left is the crying... the police come and haul Steel Hand's radioactive rump to the slammer.

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Ya know... it's been so long since I'd read this that I'd almost totally forgotten about ol' Thaddeus Brown.  Once I saw him, it all came flooding back to me, but gotta say, I was a bit thrown off for a moment there!  Love it when a comic can do that to me... doesn't happen nearly enough!

I came into Mister Miracle through the Justice League International run, so I think I've always kind of equated him with "bwa-ha-ha" antics.  Even his own mid/late-80's solo series was very lighthearted.  It's a bit strange seeing the character in a (relatively) serious story like we have here.

I also remember wondering how Mister Miracle would have worked in the Marvel Universe had the King not gone to DC during the 70's.  How weird would that have been... we might have had a Marvel Fourth World right now... that would likely be retconned into Inhumans by now, but that's neither here nor there.

I was chatting with a buddy about Kirby's post-Marvel work, and I was of the opinion that he might have lost a step in the transition.  I was looking at work like Richard Dragon, Kung-Fu Fighter and the Manhunter entry in 1st Issue Special... but, reconnecting with ol' Scott (two T's!) Free... I'd put this up with much of his Marvel stuff.

I enjoyed the story... I've always liked the way Oberon works off of other people.  During many of their later stories, I'd always gotten a bit of a Sam Beckett/Al from Quantum Leap vibe between Scott and Obe'... just really enjoy their chemistry.  I like how we learn here that "Scott Free" was a name given to him at the orphanage to give him "individuality"... it's such a simple explanation, but it really does explain away any questions of the corniness of being named after a pun.

Then we've got Steel Hand... who actually makes a few sparse appearances following this, if the DC Wikia is to be believed.  I was getting some Charlton flashbacks from the bubba... thought for a second he was going to say he was Sarge Steel Hand... and that gave me the heebie-jeebies to be sure.

Overall, a great introductory piece for a wonderful character.  The script is (surprisingly?) strong, and the art is top-level Kirby.  Definitely worth checking out.  I was happy to revisit this one to commemorate the life of the architect of so much of what I/we love.  Happy 99th, Jack!

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Sugar and Spike #97 (1971)

Sugar and Spike #97 (September, 1971)
by Sheldon Mayer
Cover Price: $0.25

We got Sugar, we got Spike, we got Raymond and Henry (the Nervous Angel)... all that and the opportunity to win ten American dollars for writing our own bad-ass comics page (which... as luck would have it, the kid (?) who owned this gem back in 1971 DID do)... 

Funny thing, I rescued this comic from a Half-Price Books just last night... and saw that the spine was a bit off center.  Off I go searching online for a cover image I can use... lo and behold, the best one I find (and several of the not-so-best) has the same pulpy scoliosis.  Go figure...

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Our first story opens with poor Spike standing in the corner.  I miss the days where a kid can stand in the corner and it not be referred to as "time out".  Sugar pops her head in the window, and asks what's the haps.  Spike claims he's been wrongfully incarcerated for knocking over a lamp... it was all their damn cat's fault.

Sugar is pleased to reveal that she's learned two words in "grown up talk"... hey, let's keep it clean Sug'... that will fix everything... and so, to test her theory, she goes on a rampage throughout Spike's house.  When Mrs. Spike comes a'calling, Sugar speaks the two magic words "I Sowwy!".

Mrs. Spike immediately grabs Sugar and celebrates that she's started talking.  She runs next door to share the news with Mrs. Sugar.  After she's outta the picture, Sugar and Spike put their heads together and decide that "I'm sorry" means "The cat did it".

With this discovery, Sugar believes she's found her "get out of jail free" card, and can cause as much havoc as possible and get away with it.  Spike, being the conscience of the duo tries to stop her from further sullying the name of his fine cat.  Their spat is short-lived, as a passing by motorist crashes his car into Spike's fence.

The kids run out to get the skinny, and find the man explaining the situation to Mrs. Spike.  The pair are shocked when he says he's sorry... thinking he's trying to pin the entire thing on the poor cat!

The tots chase down the walking road hazard, and push him into the wall with their off-brand Radio Flyer, when an officer wanders by.  The road warrior wonders just why in the world the kids wanted him to stand in the corner... the end.

Our next story stars Raymond.  Who's Raymond?  Hell if I know.  Anyhoo, he's in the middle of a field in his playpen.  That doesn't seem safe, now does it?  In the background there are some older kids playing ball.  A bird lands in the pen and steals a loose thread from the lad for it's new nest... it's quite the chilling scene.

Raymond is upset that he can't fly away like the bird did, and laments that the only use he has for his non-flight granting hands is the that they have thumbs that he can suck.

At that very moment, we shift scenes... to Heaven!  Here we meet Henry, the Nervous Angel.  He's been shuffled from job to job in Heaven... failing-up so well that all politicians should be taking note.

He is given one job... taking an envelope with the words "Good Luck" written on it to the filing cabinet.  Well, Henry is not only a nervous angel... he's kind of jerk angel.  He opens the envelope and finds that there's a pink cloud inside of it.  Like a doofus, he drops it... and it falls directly into Raymond's playpen.

Ray bobbles the cloud until it falls to pieces.  Suddenly Ray's got the strength of... well, maybe a slightly older child.  He lifts the playpen and sneaks his way onto the ball field... where he just so happens to catch a long fly ball.

The ball-playing kids argue about their being an extra man (as it were) on the field.  It's decided that if Ray Ray's gonna play, he's also gonna have to bat.  Long story short, he manages to accidentally hit a home run.

Back in heaven, Henry and his new supervisor worry about the logistics of the "Good Luck" prayer being used without the proper forms having been filled out.  We close with Henry readying himself for his next transfer... in a much warmer climate.  Wonk wonk...

Our third tale is a shorty.  Some bratty neighbor kid is playing on a pogo stick, while Spike looks on in awe.  The jerk kid realizes Spike's interested, and so leaves the pogo stick unattended... hoping that poor li'l Spike at best makes a fool of himself, and at worst... dies in a pogo-related impalement.

Over the next page we see Spike nearly do just that.  If I were a betting man, I'd say he'd likely caused some brain damage here... clearly his gigantic skull hasn't yet hardened fully, he's lucky to still be walking after some of the bumps he's taking.

As luck would have it, Sugar happens by.  She's acting quite protective of her "doll-boy" here, and wants to give bratty Arthur his pogo stick back, her way.  They press the thing into the fence, and launch it straight for the little jerk.  I guess two attempted infanticides makes a right!

In our fourth... whew... story, Sugar and Spike spend some time together in a dark closet... not like that... Spike wants to show off his new flashlight, or as he calls it his "handful of day-time".

Inside the closet, Spike shines the light in Sugar's direction... which throws her ponytailed shadow upon the wall... Spike thinks there's a large horned monster in there!  Sugar grabs the light and shines it at Spike... his shadow resembles a creature with wings on its head.

The pair run out of the closet and proceed to barricade the beasties inside.  Somehow, Spike loses his pants here.  The sound of furniture being pushed across the room finally draws the attention of a grown-up... Spike's father.  

He proceeds to make things right and much to Sugar's chagrin, puts Spike's pants back on.  Weird.

Spike needs an adult!

The cycle repeats a couple more times until Sugar and Spike realize that the monsters only appear when the flashlight is turned on.  Easy peasy... just toss that bad boy in the garbage, and your house is monster-free.  the end.  This story, I might add was written for Sharon Moir (Age 8) of Clifton, New Jersey.  Hopefully Sharon's the kinda person who googles her own name... maybe she'll find us!

Finally... the final story... and the one the cover is based on.  Sugar and Spike hit the beach!  After some water-fight shenanigans, the pair head toward the angry sea.  As they approach, Spike's dad bellows in their direction... the proceed nonetheless.  What they find is the sea bellows just as loudly and they both get clobbered by a wave.

Spike's dad retrieves the tots and plops'em on the beach blanket.  Spike's mom believes this might give the poor boy a complex about water.  What follows is a couple of pages where Spike's parents continually toss a terrified baby into the ocean.

That night back at Casa Spike, the lad decides he's going to "make friends" with water... and so, overflows the bathtub causing thousands of dollars in mold damage to their home.  For this infraction, the poor boy gets the weakest spanking ever put to pulp.  the end.

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Okay, now I'm not gonna lie to you and say this was some amazing must-read book.  It was super fun, and it's a really neat novelty piece...

The art is very nice, probably better suited for a newspaper strip or something, but still very nice.  One thing that was weird is that in all but one of the stories they took special care not to show what Sugar or Spike's parents looked like (even going as far as placing the speech bubbles in front of their faces)... but in the epic flashlight joint, we get the full view of Spike's folks.  It's always a surprise seeing just how much story is crammed into these older books.  Such an incredible value.  Even if you didn't like one of the stories in the book, you were still ahead of the game.

I'd say if you can get your hands on one of these, go for it... just for the novelty of the thing.  I wouldn't spend too much on it, however.  It's sad that the current generation of comics fans (okok, let's not kid ourselves... the same old generation that still buys comics) will think of Sugar and Spike as the detective duo in that ridiculously-priced Legends of Tomorrow book, rather than the precocious tots that they were way back when.  I will say, however, if we ever get a Henry, the Nervous Angel Rebirth... all will be forgiven.

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Fun Stuff:

Think this is worth $10?  Sadly, I cannot take credit for it... it was already in the book when I got it.

Carmine dropping truth bombs on the recent DC Comics price increases.

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