X-Men Vignettes, Chapter Sixteen (1987)

 

X-Men Vignettes #16 (1987)
"Dearest Friend"
Writer - Chris Claremont
Art - John Bolton
Letters - Tom Orzechowski
Colors - Glynis Oliver
Edits - Kavanagh, Nocenti, DeFalco
From: Classic X-Men #16 (December, 1987)

Hey Gang -- wanna hit up a little bit of housekeeping before we get into the discussion - in that, we're about to enter some uncertain times for our Vignettes Project. If you've been following this site for awhile, you'll know that I have certain "rules" for the blog-content I create -- among them is, if I'm going to write about it, I gotta actually own it. I bend the rules for the Essentials show... though, I do own physical versions of most everything I cover there -- just not always the original issue. With blog-posts, however, I dunno -- I'm a little less flexible.

With that said, as of this writing, I'm missing Classic X-Men #19. Sure, I could just read it - and grab my images on Marvel Unlimited -- but, well, that just ain't the way I do things. I'm going to be hitting the town today in hopes that I can snag a copy -- but, in the event that I cannot procure one, we might be heading to a bit of a forced break on the Vignette front.

Funny -- I say all this assuming anybody actually gives a rat's ass! Oh well... let's get into today's story!

--

We open in Ireland and it's... probably the 1970s. Despite my own Irish heritage (77th most common Irish surname, boyo!), I have never really been able to wrap my head around the whole Irish Republic Split. Well -- maybe it's ore accurate to say that I just never put in the effort to finding out what it's all about? All's I know from world history is outta comics... so, I can only draw from my readings of the Nightwing and Speedy Action Comics Weekly feature for this. There was also that issue of Web of Spider-Man that got replaced by an inventory story when the IRA bits of its original tale were deemed too controversial. So, for the purposes of the telling, we'll just assume that "tensions are high"? Apologies for only being a fake ass comics historian... and not a fake ass overall one! So, anyway -- Sean Cassidy is attempting to hitch a ride home from a concert up "The Derry" (which sounds obscene). He's stopped by a pair of officers, who give him the pat-down, and assume that he's up to no good. Ya see, he's from the wrong part of Ireland -- or, at least our interrogating police sergeant, Damien McLanahan seems to think so. It's assumed here that Sean is an IRA terrorist gun-runner. Are we allowed to refer to them as "terrorists" in "current year"? I can never tell anymore. I'm just repeating what the sergeant said!

Now, before the Sarge and his deputy (Charley Sandy), can haul Sean away -- a motorcycle comes speedin' down the way. The biker runs the coppers off the road into a ditch before picking our Sean up for a getaway. Sean does not know who this person is -- but, I tell ya -- it's not really helping his case here, is it? Innocent folks don't usually try to run over policemen with a motorcycle, do they?

Anyway, what follows here is... a pretty ridiculous chase scene, which goes on for way too long, considering this is a short-story. The police scramble into their car and chase the motorbike down a trail... through a field, and finally to a coastal cliffside. Both cop cars wreck during this... and, yet, McLanahan won't give it up. When the motorbike does reach the coast, we (or at least I) learn that it's out of the officers' jurisdiction -- they're now in "The Republic". That, however, doesn't stop our Damien from pulling out his piece and firing. The bullet hits the back tire of the motorbike, throwing it out of control -- moments later, our two chasees are sent right off the cliff!

Before they hit the drink, Sean lets out a whopper of a scream -- which, isn't the first time he's used his mutant ability. He grabs the biker and flies with them across Donegal Bay back to Cassidy Keep. He sets the biker down and gets punched in the face for his trouble. Ya see, they're ticked that they lost the best bike they'd ever had. The biker then pulls off their helmet, revealing the fact that this midnight rider is a... g-g-g-g-g-g-girl! Banshee is immediately smitten.

Once the dust of the situation settles and cooler heads are able to prevail, our mystery gal introduces herself as Maeve Rourke... a name that makes me relieved that this is a blog post and not a podcast, because, you could give me a half-dozen tries and I wouldn't be able to say it right! Anyway, they head inside for something "stronger" than cocoa. While rifling through the fridge, Sean's cousin Tom enters the scene. He too seems to be taken by this beautiful creature whose darkened their doorway this night. Banshee is immediately wary of Black Tom's charm... and realizes that if he's wanting to move forward with a relationship with the lovely Maeve, he's going to be in for a fight.

As the night wraps up, Sean flies Maeve back to... somewhere without backgrounds? So, the end of a Silver Age Comic, I guess? There, he talks a bit about his Banshee Cry -- which, she seems completely cool with. Like, almost scarily cool with. She assumes that it's "some form of evolutionary mutation". Wow, give that lady a cigar. They kiss, and make plans to see each other again. But, here's the thing -- Maeve's going to be dating both Cassidys (Cassadies?) over the course of the next little bit!

We get a weird thrupple montage - showing the Cassidy Cousins and Ms. Rourke hanging out and getting along real well, before jumping ahead to an evening in the Spring, where Sean intends to escort Maeve to the University Ball and attempt to make their relationship exclusive. He gets himself all gussied up, and heads out on his motorbike. On the way, however, he happens to ride passed -- Sergeant Damien McLanahan! The Sarge sees this as his opportunity to get even... and so, he runs our man right off the road!

Later, back at Cassidy Keep, Sean returns home -- and he's an absolute bloody mess! Black Tom (and a nursemaid) bring him to bed so he can rest. Here, Sean asks his cousin to meet up with Maeve to let her know what happened... and that, ya know, he didn't stand her up. Tom clarified that Sean really wants him to do this before agreeing.

From here, we jump ahead to Tom's tuxedoed arrival at the Rourke apartment. She giddily answers the knock, expecting it to be Sean -- and is surprised to see his creepy chin-strapped cousin instead. Tom tells her... well, he doesn't tell her anything really -- just that Sean ain't comin'. He then proceeds to take her out to the University Ball himself! What a dick.

Well -- hold that thought, because as they dance the night away, Maeve draws in for a kiss. It's here that Tom's conscience gets the better of him, and he comes clean about what actually happened to Sean that night. He isn't standing her up... he is resting and recovering after having been run off the road by a lunatic. This... somehow ingratiates Tom as Maeve's "best friend". So... did he just get "friend-zoned"? I dunno... in any event, this is where we exit.

--

Well -- this is going to sound like a negative, but I assure you it's not -- but, this may as well have been a Wolverine story. That is to say, I enjoyed it -- I just don't have a whole heckuva lot to say about it.

We could talk a little bit about the Rourke-Cassidy relationship though... as, I doubt we'll be doing a whole lot of that anytime soon? Now, if you're even in the least bit X-Savvy... you'll immediately realize that Maeve Rourke is Theresa's (Siryn) mother. What you may not know is that this little Vignette is actually her first appearance. So, hey -- if you have a copy, make sure you get it slabbed just in case there's a low-effort, half-assed, retweet-bait Disney+ "Story of Siryn" series in the works!

The Sean/Maeve relationship wasn't really x-plored all that much over the years (outside of their having a daughter) -- in fact, if the Marvel Wiki is to be trusted (insert snarky comment about how only movie-related stuff gets updated over there here), Maeve's only ever appeared on panel four times... well, three times, actually - the fourth and final appearance (in an unnecessary issue of the even more unnecessary Uncanny X-Men: First Class series) was as a g-g-g-g-g-ghost. Saddest (but unsurprising) part of this is, despite the fact that she's only ever appeared four times... they still couldn't keep her story (or even her damned hair color) straight!

Now, we know that she will ultimately choose Sean. Depending on which of these few issues you refer to, you'll find out that they will wed, and shortly into their marriage, Sean will be accepted into Interpol. While he's away, Maeve will give birth to their daughter (Sean didn't even know they were expecting), and be killed in an IRA bombing. Black Tom would "adopt" Theresa -- and keep her true parentage a secret from everybody until she grew into a young adult.

Boy... I'm really struggling to find something to say here, vamping for word count is never a good look -- maybe that's why nobody follows what I do anymore! I think we'll just leave it here. This was a good story -- a fun story -- just not a story that inspires all that much in the way of discussion... not that they all have to, of course. Worth a look!

X-Men Vignettes, Chapter Fifteen (1987)

X-Men Vignettes, Chapter 15 (1987)
"Starjammers Aloft!"
Writer - Chris Claremont
Art - John Bolton
Letters - Tom Orzechowski
Colors - Petra Scotese
Edits - Kavanagh, Nocenti, DeFalco
From: Classic X-Men #15 (November, 1987)

Hey everybody -- I wanna welcome you all to the "new-look" Chris is on Infinite Earths! Sure, the redesign kicked in yesterday (as of the time of this writing), but I wasn't actually planning for it to "go live" for quite some time. I didn't realize I'd wind up getting all hyper-focused, obsessed, and "chris" about the endeavor -- spending several hours of my Wednesday futzin' and fiddling with themes and coding. I tell ya, for a lotta people, this would've taken NO time at all... sadly, I'm not one of those people. I mean, Blogger... the most basic blogging platform outside of a composition notebook and a crayon... was too much for me!

So yeah, as with many/all of the things I do -- this took way too long, and probably isn't a quarter as impressive as I think!

It was, however, a long time coming. I made the move from Blogger back in... ho boy, October 2021, wuzzit? Wow, that was a long time ago. I'm pretty sure, even back then, I mentioned that I was gonna give the place a "facelift" ASAP -- but, I never did. This "foot dragging" was for a multitude of reasons -- which, well -- hell, I don't have an actual "diary", so I will bore y'all with the details. If you're not interested, you're just a finger-flick (or two) away from our Starjammin' story.

If you're still on this side of the dashes -- I beg your indulgence, as I'm about to get into some'a that "real talk". Back in the long ago, I really wanted to be an artist. A comics artist, and anything artist, really -- but, and this might be obvious -- confidence has never really been my strong suit. I would draw all the time -- but I'd purposely not use "professional quality" equipment. I'd draw on notebook or printer paper with low-quality dull pencils and smeary ink-pens and what not. I never asked for "better" stuff -- even after I was gifted a copy of How to Draw Comics the Marvel Way, which includes a, for lack of a better term, "shopping list", for the wannabe comics pro.

But, I kept with my shoddy materials -- and continued to put out shoddy work.

They say it's the poor craftsman who blames their tools, right? Well, I was a zero-confidence-havin' wannabe artist. I didn't wanna face facts that... maybe I just wasn't all that great, and so I gave myself an "out". I could say (to myself and others) that... if only I had the "good" materials and equipment, then I'd be great. I'd never actually procure those "good" materials... because, had I done so -- and I still sucked -- well, then I'd have to come to grips with some harsh facts, yes?

Now, this blog -- and, really, my entire "online presence" is yet another thing I have zero confidence in. Writing, talking into a mic, just being a personable human being -- that comes easy to a lotta people. I... am not one of those people. And so, the longer I kept my online "home" looking like something out of 2002 or so... the longer I could blame that for the lack of attention or engagement or, I dunno -- respect, that the place (and I) get -- despite the tens of thousands of hours and literal millions of words I've poured into it. I wouldn't have to face facts that, maybe I'm just bad at this. The poor blogger blames their blog -- not him or herself for being a sh*tty blogger.

So, I put off "polishing" the place. I'd come up with excuse after excuse -- don't have the time, don't have the technical know-how, don't have a "clear vision" for what I want the place to look like. But, what it all truly came down to was -- I was (and still am) scared I'd be losing my "out". I'm about 95% sure that this pseudo-professional "facelift" will garner me zero new readers, and no more "respect" than I had before -- but, hey -- an untalented idiot can dream, right?

Anyway, sorry for that tangent -- howsabout we take a look at when Cyclops's dad met the (cat) girl of his dreams?

--

Our story opens on the Mineworld of Alsibar... uh-oh, I'm already feeling a yawn coming on. Okay, okay, that's not entirely fair -- at least not for this story. The fact that this story takes place in space is... well, it makes it less interesting than it could be... but, isn't really so much of a "strike" against it. At least not for me. It's here we see one Christopher Summers hauling chunks of crystal while a goiter-necked Shi'ar Slaver watches over him. The Claremontian narration informs us that this is sorta-kinda a case of "Be careful what you wish for" f'r ol' Chris... as he was a big fan of Science Fiction serials, and dreamt of being among the stars. Well, here y'are, pal -- howzat working out for ya? Anyway, while our man hauls his lode, a strange Mephitisoid (that is, cat-looking-woman) rushes by, crashing right into him. Our furry meet-cute is interrupted, however, as the Slaver collects her and tosses poor Chris against a wall.

The Slaver then proceeds to pummel the poor rebellious cat-lady for a bit while our man looks on. He attempts to intervene on her behalf, but finds himself on the business-end of a "Neurolash"... which is fancy-speak for a Shi'ar Shock Whip.

From here, the Slaver appears to take great pleasure in breaking poor Mr. Summers down. He beats the stuffing out of him until Chris literally begs for mercy. He promises the oaf that he'll be good... that he won't step out. He'll just do his work and won't be a problem ever again. With Chris' spirits affectively broken, the Slaver and a partner grab the Cat Lady and drag her away, where she is going to be eaten alive.

Huddled broken in a corner of the mine, Summers starts singing along with a certain song many of us are familiar with... goes a little something like "Well, how did I GET here?", which shifts us into Flashback Land... and shares a story many X-Fans are already well aware of. That being, that our slave here is the father of Scott and Alex Summers (also those other Summerseseses, but we're not gonna worry about them right now). We're taken to that scene where the (at the time) entire Summers family are in their small plane, when it is spotted by one of Emperor D'Ken's ships.

Chris and Katherine Summers are beamed on board to be added to the Shi'ar Zoo or something, leaving the boys behind on a jet that's, ya know, dropping out of the sky. The boys load into a single parachute and jump -- as they fall, their chute catches fire. Chris and Call Me Kate see this via D'Ken's monitors... and assume that their boys are, ya know, goneski. D'Ken also takes a bit of a liking to Katherine -- but, when she doesn't return those feelings, he kills her. Of course, nowadays, we know she's gets a li'l somethin' "in" her before this happens -- but, for the purposes of this story (coming from Corsair's point of view), it's all we need to know.

So, with his entire family seemingly wiped out, Chris is sent to the Alsibar Mines. Back to the "present", and our man is shaken awake by a large Saurid... that is, a big scaly green critter. Chris, as you might imagine, recoils at the sight of him. First, dude's kinda scary looking -- second, Chris has just had his butt-kicked repeatedly, so it stands to reason he might be a bit froggy. Anyway, the Saurid has a ponytailed Cyborg Pal with him, and they assure our hero they ain't here to hurt him. In fact, they're just here to try and find that Cat Lady. Poor Chris is of very little help to them at this point, however, having been spirit-broken by the Slavers. He just mutters about cleaning his mess and carving the crystal.

Raza and Ch'od give each other a look as if to say "geddaloadadisguy", before talking a bit more about their plight. They have an aside where they comment that this sad, broken, mustachioed slave has been rendered into nothing more than a "grub". Oh, the Slavers called him a grub a few times already, by the way. Now, this has that "calling Marty McFly a chicken" effect (or is it affect? I dunno) -- in either event, Chris Summers has decided that he's a Grub No More. He grabs a couple of crystal shards and shouts "No!" into the echoing caverns... which, I mean... if you're not wanting to attract attention, maybe don't bellow in the mine?

From here, our man sneaks into the Slavers' quarters, where he sees Hepzibah tied up and... well, ready to be eaten, I guess. Minds out of the gutter, friends. Raza and Ch'od look on from above. Chris is able to enter pretty easily, being as though he's nothing more than a "grub". He's considered so broken that none of the slavers even give him a second glance. This would be their (last) mistake. Chris stabs the Goiter Man in the back with a sharpened shard before snagging a Neurolash and wielding it like a mad man.

Now, Mr. Summers isn't the most experienced brawler or nothing, so he pretty much leaves himself wide open to the rest of the Slaver Brigade. Lucky for him, his new associates know a thing or three about tearin' stuff up. Raza and Ch'od get involved in the brawl, buying Chris enough time and space so that he might free Hepzibah from her bondage.

Once free, Hepzibah... uh... bites Chris' forearm? Like f'real. She calls this act a "Lifebond"... and/or "Bloodbond". Not sure why it needs two names -- maybe Claremont's getting paid by the word here? In any event, they're now bonded by blood, or something. Might make it a bit awkward (well a bit more awkward) when they start bangin', but what do I know? I'm not here to kink-shame. Anyway, Ch'od helps the lady up to her feet... and suggests that it's probably not the most opportune time to celebrate, since they're still kinda stuck on this Mine Planet. Ya see, they don't have a pilot.

Did somebody say "pilot"? Well, hell -- ol' Chris Summers just so happens to be one of those. He offers to join up with this group of intergalactic rag-tags... and give them everything he's got. We close out with him introducing himself using his old Fighter Call Sign: Corsair! And the rest is... well, maybe not "legendary" like the story suggests... but, it's history all the same.

--

Well, howsabout that - a space-centric story that... I didn't hate!

Like I said early on in the spoilery synopsis -- the fact that we're in space wasn't the instant eyeroll that it usually would be. This story was more personal than anything -- and could've just as easily occurred on some uncharted Earth slave island or something. This was a story of a man -- a man who (thought) he'd lost everything -- and was able to get over himself and find purpose.

It's nothing (thematically) that we haven't seen before, but that doesn't make it a bad thing at all. If you're reading the "front-half" of the Classix, you've just recently met Corsair and the Starjammers -- so, this Vignette would greatly add to your x-perience. If you first discovered these stories during their "original run", you'll still get something out of this. It's worth noting, this issue of Classix reprints X-Men #108 (December, 1977), where it is ultimately revealed that this strange mustachioed space pirate is indeed Major Christopher Summers, father of Scott and Alex.

From X-Men #108 (December, 1977)

That, in and of itself, makes this Vignette something of a "must read", which, if we're being honest -- isn't always the case, right? I feel like a lot of X-Fans have that knee-jerk reaction to these stories -- it's almost as though when we see 'em, our brains go on autopilot -- and we wax on about how great (and essential) they are. That sort of thing happens a lot in comics fandom, and isn't x-clusive to the X-Books. But this one -- not only is it a decent little story, it also manages to add a bit of context and import to certain beats of the front-end reprint.

As for the "decent little story" -- it's one that, I can't for the life of me remember ever reading before. That said, it felt familiar. Perhaps it's the "tropeyness" of the thing -- maybe I just knew it from osmosis or something. We've talked in recent visits about the concept of "decompression" within a single story. Ya know - like, stretching even a short "oner" to its very limits. That, in my opinion, is not the case here at all. In fact, I probably could've gone for another page or two. Seeing Chris Summers broken down emotionally by the Goiter-necked Slaver was so well done. Heartbreakingly so, even.

When you first think of Chris (and the Starjammers), you're probably going to think of swashbuckling and smiles. This is a fun rag-tag group of space pirates, after all. Even knowing the traumatic events that led to Major Summers being off-planet, we (or at least, I) tend not to think of it so much. It's important, but it's not quite "in your face". Does that make sense? Seeing how this all played out here -- you truly get a feel for Corsair. He's been broken -- mentally, emotionally, psychologically. He's been worn down to the point where he's considered nothing more than a "grub".

The one time he attempts to stand up for something, we see him decisively put in his place. We watch as he's beaten to the point where he's basically babbling, begging for mercy, saying anything and everything he thinks his abuser might wanna hear. He'll be good... he'll clean his mess... he won't be a problem. The Slaver doesn't even consider for a moment the possibility that it might come back around and bite him -- he leaves our man whimpering in the corner like a scolded dog. That says so much. We talk about subtlety in Claremont's writing -- and this, to me, is another perfect example. It would've taken the Slaver very little effort to just kill Corsair for stepping out here -- but, he doesn't. He thinks so little of our hero, that he doesn't even find him worth the effort of offing! He sees him as a "grub". Less than nothing.

Then, left alone at his lowest point -- our man's mind recalls how he got here in the first place. The trauma of losing (and not being able to protect) his family. Seeing his sons falling toward Earth attached to a literally-flaming parachute. Seeing his wife taken away -- knowing she's been killed. That's bound to do a number on a man's self-worth, no? He's just being pummeled here with reminders that he's been rendered into... less than nothing. This was very well done... and, if you're a weirdo like me and read the Vignette before the "main story"... it made the scene I included a few paragraphs up carry a whole lot more weight.

Overall - space or no space, I had a great time with this. Like the Storm-centric story we discussed not too long ago, I can say I liked this... but didn't enjoy it. Which, trust me, may not sound like praise -- but, it is!

X-Men Vignettes, Chapter Fourteen (1987)

 

X-Men Vignettes, Chapter 14 (1987)
"What Stuff Our Dreams Are Made Of..."
Writer - Chris Claremont
Art - John Bolton
Letters - Tom Orzechowski
Colors - Glynis Oliver
Edits - Kavanagh, Nocenti, Shooter
From: Classic X-Men #14 (October, 1987)

Ya know, I had this whole pre-ramble prepared today... was going to delve a bit deeper into the concept of my comixistential crisis. I've had some chats with a few of my closest pals about it, and planned to share some of my takeaways here with you all. Buuuuuut...

Realizing that, ya know... nobody really cares whether or not I still wanna read comics... I'll spare ya all the trouble of having to scroll or finger-flick to today's actual "content".

I do wish I could think of something (anything!) to vamp and kill some time here above the dashes though... because, friends, we're heading into Shi'ar space for this one! Joy.

--

Well... hrmm... if you know anything about my likes and dislikes when it comes to comic book storytelling, whether we're talking X-Men, Teen Titans, Superman, Spider-Man... really most any character... mine eyes usually glaze over during stints of "space sh*t". So, as we open this Vignette with a full-page splash of... Lilandra, I'm already trying to work out the physics on where I should lay a pillow or two, just in case my brain turns off and I pass out while attempting to discuss it! Okay, let's do it... Lilandra and her crew of rebels are attempting to flee from her brother D'Ken's Shi'ar Imperial fleet. It's funny... sometimes I'll use the Marvel Wiki to help me confirm minor characters I can namedrop... this time out... not even the Wiki cared enough to name anybody besides Lilandra herself! Man, if only this thing had six or seven variant covers, then I'm sure somebody at the Wiki would've given half a damn! So yeah, Lil's being threatened by a hologram of D'Ken. He calls her a traitor, and pretty much vows to take her out.

Just then, a fleet of Pathfinders arrive on the spacey scene. These are Princess Lil's "elite exploratory fleet", and they're here to aid in rescuing her. The Pathfinders proceed to blast, and amid the distraction, Lilandra is able to disarm one of D'Ken's armored imperials. She then uses their laser blaster to start shooting her path to freedom.

She manages to escape to a little jumpship or something. Once inside, she finds herself bombarded by some stray psychic energies coming from Earth. Ya see, this is occurring parallel to X-Men #65 (February, 1970), when Professor X linked all minds on Earth to stop the invasion of the Z'Nox. This is a heckuva callback... though, was also revealed in the main story of this issue of Classix (X-Men #107). Lilandra like, immediately falls in love with the Prof... or, at the very least is quite enamored by him. Pretty odd how Xavier is usually overt with his mental perversion... whereas, here, it's completely by accident that he's able to mentally woo and win over an intergalactic Princess.

Lil's still pretty shaken... and things begin to go wonky. It's as though she's become part Lilandra/part Xavier... mentally, that is. Sorta kinda? Her appearance has not changed... she's still the birdy-lookin' Shi'ar Whateverthehell. So, the Xavierish bits of her brain are surprised to see vestigial feathers on "their" forearms. The Lilandra bits realize that her legs can no longer carry her. It's really not easy to explain with my limited writery abilities... so, here are the panels:

Our gal is able to make her way to a wall in order to hold herself up... while still struggling with the Xavierian hoo-doo that's occupying her brain. She realizes that none of this makes any sense -- as, this creepy bald man is but a stranger to her. But... she recognizes him as a friend, comrade, and maybe more. Once again, her legs give out. She wonders aloud what's happening to her... and is reminded that "her" legs were once crushed by Lucifer. B-b-b-b-but, who's Lucifer (don't ask)?! What's more... who is she?! I can't say this isn't well done... but, I also sadly can't say that I give much of a hoot.

Lilandra drags herself over to a med-bed to undergo a health scan... or something, and discovers that she is in 100% tip-top perfect health. But, why then... won't her legs work?! She notes her reflection in a monitor... and notes that her image has kind of merged with Xavier's. Though, to be completely honest, it isn't immediately clear to this observer. I mean, Lilandra's design is fairly basic, right? She could very well have a bald head under that odd ugly headdress. I mean, does she? I honestly can't remember! So, the image we see here... is only "telling" if we focus on it for a few moments. Thankfully the next panel clarifies it a bit more by removing the Shi'ar elements from the reflection.

This (rightly?) freaks her out to the point where she starts pounding the bejeezus out of the poor, defenseless monitor... causing it to actually explode? I guess BIG Jim Shooter said this one needed an x-tra beat of action? Maybe Claremont's (already too long) script came in a page or two short? I dunno...

Anyway, as the dust (literally) settles, Lilandra changes into her more militaristic costume. She then checks out the situation outside, and finds that her fleet of Pathfinders have been soundly slaughtered by D'Ken's Imperials. She buries her head in her hands knowing that the universe is doomed (to have to endure some x-tremely boring space stories).

Seeing as though her options are quite limited at this point, Lilandra recalls her odd connection with the creepy bald Earth mutant... and decides to don that off Minnie Mouse-lookin' helmet we saw her in during her first few "Xavierian Nightmare" appearances... and... we're off to the races. Odd, and barely worth noting... this story appears to have "run long", and so this last bit is actually printed on the inside-back cover of the issue.

--

During several of our recent visits, I've commented on how deftly and concisely Claremont was able to tell his tales. In an era where even a single bowel movement would take five or six issues, seeing CC give us fleshed out, thought-provoking, and insightful stories... feels like such a feat. I've mentioned a few times already that in the age of decompression, many of these Vignettes would've spanned entire trade-paperbacks' worth of pages.

I've thanked the comics deities for these concise, to-the-point, little ditties -- and used our discussions here to poke a little bit of fun at the "current day" method.

Then... we get this chapter. Which, sure it doesn't span multiple issues... but it still feels incredibly decompressed to fit a certain page count. That's... I mean, I can't really complain, as every issue of a comic book has a page count it needs to meet. Whether or not a story merits that page count is another matter altogether. Being that these are Vignettes, focused squarely on one character and/or moment in time, there are stricter parameters in play. Claremont can't give us a "Meanwhile..." or an "At that very moment..." sort of segue, because the mission statement here kinda prohibits it.

Question is... did we need this story to be told at such length? Well, maybe it's my own space-bias talking here, but I'd say no. From this very same issue of Classix, Lilandra basically tells this entire story over the course of a single page. I tell ya what, even this oner was a bit of a chore to read.

From X-Men #107 (October, 1977)

So yeah, not my cuppa tea... but, then again, this could've been the greatest eight pages ever put on paper, and I'd barely be able to even muster a shrug. If you dig the Shi'ar, if you enjoy intergalactic civil wars, if you have an affinity for bird-lookin' humanoids -- you'll probably like this a whole lot more than I did!

X-Men Vignettes, Chapter Thirteen (1987)

 

X-Men Vignettes, Chapter 13 (1987)
"Lifesigns"
Writer - Chris Claremont
Art - John Bolton
Letters - Tom Orzechowski
Colors - Petra Scotese
Edits - Kavanagh, Nocenti, Shooter
From: Classic X-Men #13 (September, 1987)

If this were an audio outing, this would be one'a them "interesting episodes". Not interesting as in I'll say anything worth hearing -- that's almost never the case, but "interesting" as, I'd just had a(nother) crown put in... and so, much of my speech has come through gritted teeth for the past 24-or-so hours.

Folks who have followed X-Lapsed will likely be familiar with the last few "gritted teeth" episodes. To be honest, those were the shows I did the least amount of back-end touch up on... because I just didn't wanna know how awful they sounded! So, I guess, thankfully -- this is a text-only affair. If you really want the "full x-perience" read these next several dozen paragraphs aloud through your own gritted teeth. Heck, that might actually make the story we're about to discuss a little bit interesting!

--

We open with Jean on the beach sat before, what else, a fire. Much of this story is told in her Claremontian captions -- and, I tell ya, it's... odd. Not bad odd or good odd... just plain ol' odd. Claremont is in a bit of a weird spot here, having to treat this character as something not entirely Jean, and not entirely Phoenix -- but, somehow both in order to make it work. And, don't get me wrong, I'd say he's successful in doing so -- it's just a bit... ya know, odd. So yeah, Jeanix is sitting in front of a bonfire on the beach. A little ways down the shore is her roommate, Misty Knight - who after succumbing to a sudden blast of narcolepsy, begins to dream about her partners, Danny "Iron Fist" Rand, and Colleen "That other Daughter of the Dragon" Wing. Okay, it's more that she's thinking not dreaming -- but, she's drawn to look like she's a corpse that washed up on the beach. I really thought this was a dead body!

Anyway, Jeanix can sense Misty's worry -- and so, she telepathically tells her where Danny and Colleen have gotten off to. They're back at the beach house they're sharing for the weekend, digging through the fridge for a midnight snack. Jeanix then facilitates Misty having an out of body experience fighting a gang of dancing (?) street toughs called the Sharks. She's joined by Colleen. I... why?

Misty turns her head, and instead of seeing the inner-city, she sees a lush green field where Iron Fist is standing with a dumb look on his face. Our gal busts out of her DotD costume and into a white gown -- but finds herself stuck between her love for Danny and her hetero-affection for Colleen? I think?

But, ya see, those two aren't the only people vying for Misty's affecattention -- there's yet another -- there is Jeanix, who shares the bejeezus out of her by... ya know, performing that big ol' flaming bird gimmick. I mean, didn't Jean and Misty like just meet a couple weeks ago? Jeanix's got some interpersonal issues, methinks.

It's here where Misty snaps out of the Astral Whateverthehell. She let's out a shout, which Jeanix asks her about. Misty sits down beside her to chat a bit. She brings up how, they've only known each other a little while, and yet -- she feels closer to her than folks she's known her whole life. She also comment on how Jean's changed since her stint in the hospital. I think at this point we can safely say the jig is up, and that Misty knows that Jean is/was Marvel Girl. Jeanix comments on how she has in fact changed since her time in space. She's no longer the woman she was. She knows she looks, feels, and acts like Jean Grey -- however, there's this ever-lingering "but". This deep-dive into her psyche is cut short at this point, by a distant cry for help.

This story was... borderline, up to this point. It's here that my thumb will go from "leaning down" to... just plain "down". Jean rushes to the shore where she spies a small speedboat. She TKs her way onto the thing... then nabs her roommate with a TK fist to drag her along. So yeah, I'm goin' with the idea that Misty does know about Jean's Mutantness, eh?

The Daughters of the Phoenix arrive in... well, the middle of nowhere. Like a few miles out in the sea. Jean stops the boat and dives into the drink. Misty is left there, probably a little bit more bamboozled than we all are in the reading. She then sees a shark fin come up to the surface. Realizing that, if Jean gets eaten, she'll have to come up with the entire rent next month -- she dives in as well.

Underwater, Misty proceeds to punch the shark in the face. I guess that's what you're supposed to do if you're in a shark-attack situation? I suppose it helps that Misty's got a bionic arm or whatever. Too bad it really doesn't do all that much to slow the shark down. It's too bad she doesn't have a can of BaT ShArK rEpElLeNt... that would'a be the wOOoooOOooorst hilaaaaaaaaaarious. Misty winds up getting quite the shark-tooth back massage... which is usually the sort of thing you need to pay extra for.

Before Misty can be completely gobbled up, the shark is headbutted by a dolphin! Misty gets back up to the surface and safely into the speedboat. Jean is already there, and claims responsibility for sending in the dolphin to save her. I mean, if Jeanix is able to "dur hur, talk to fish", why didn't see, ya know, just tell the shark to back the eff off? I dunno. Anyway, it's here that Jean informs Misty that they were out here to save that family of dolphins. This, as you might imagine, ticks Misty off. Which, I mean -- sure, dolphins are cool and all -- but, if I see one being attacked by a shark, jumping in to save the poor thing is wayyyyy down my list of priorities.

From here we get a couple of pages of Jean putting Misty's mind into a dolphin to show her why she wanted to save it. I'm sorry gang, I've pretty much already checked out at this point. I get what Claremont's getting at... I just don't care. The story wraps with Misty and Jeanix hugging it out -- with the latter saying that she. is. phoenix. for like the fiftieth time, and how she hopes Misty will "take her as she is"... which, I didn't even know was a worry she had?

--

Wow... talk about a case of x-whiplash. We go from yesterday's amazing Magneto Vignette to... this?

I didn't really care for this one. While I like the idea of seeing how "Jean" is dealing with her new normal -- this just felt a bit forced. Like, we know this isn't actually Jean, they spoiled that whole eventual reveal several chapters back. We know from the main X-Men series that the Phoenix was supposed to actually be Jean, so it stands to reason we get a bit of... I dunno "personality dissonance"? The character who Claremont and Byrne crafted during their original go-round... wasn't actually the character they thought. So, it takes a bit of straddling to smoothly add to the Jeanix mythos without contradicting anything that's come before. It's a big ask, and a big task -- which, while successfully done here, just wasn't all that fun a read.

This was kind of a "Dagwood Sandwich" story... in that, all we really needed to have was the Jeanix/Misty conversation on the beach. We didn't need the Danny/Colleen bits, we damn sure didn't need the shark attack. Just have the chat. We know Claremont is more than capable of writing an effective discussion... so, why not just do that? It's not like this was the lead-off story in the issue, where it required "x amount of panels" of action or superheroics... it could've just been two new-ish friends becoming closer and comforting one another.

It's clear from the telling that Misty is having some sort of concerns about Danny and Colleen... whether she feels like they're both vying for her time/attention... or, perhaps it's something more akin to distrusting them being alone together. I (like most people on the planet, then and now) never read Iron Fist, so I couldn't say. While I maintain that this wasn't a necessary nugget to drop into the story -- the fact that Claremont did... and then did eff-all with it... makes it feel like an afterthought. Or, worse yet, CC plugging his own work from a decade prior... that, as mentioned -- very few people seemed to have read?

I tell ya what, I usually give these stories a quick flip-thru before actually sitting down to read 'em... and, when I saw that panel of Misty laying on the beach (who I didn't realize was Misty -- I thought it was just a random corpse), I assumed we were going to be getting into some sort of murder mystery... or, at the very least a Jaws situation where Jeanix was going to make the beaches safe again. I... think I'd have rather discussed either of those stories than the one we actually got!

Overall -- a case of "ya can't win 'em all"... but also (hopefully) a case of "your mileage may vary". I hope you all enjoyed this one more than I did!