X-Men Vignettes, Chapter Forty-Two (1989)

 

X-Men Vignettes #42 (1989)
"When Dreams Are Dust"
Writer - Chris Claremont
Pencils - Mike Collins
Inks - Joe Rubenstein
Letters - Joe Rosen
Colors - Gregory Wright
Edits - Edelman, Harras, DeFalco
From: Classic X-Men #42 (Mid-December, 1989)

Today we're going to wrap up our two-part Cyclops ditty... which, when I read the first part, I think I was imagining that it was a "Part 1 of 3", strictly due to how slowly it was paced. I actually had to edit yesterday's article to correct myself a couple'a times. As we'll learn today, it's not a three-parter -- and, well... I suppose we can discuss whether that's a good thing or a bad thing out the other end of the piece, eh?

Also, a bit of news that shouldn't affect anything, but -- I seem to have misplaced my copy of Classic X-Men #43. I'm like 95% certain that I own the thing... just, gun to my head, couldn't tell ya where it might be! Worst case scenario, the next piece will have panels nyoinked from the Marvel Unlimited version. Best case, I'm able to locate the ish and share the same, inimitable crooked-Chris pics I usually do for our foray into the White Hot Room.

--

We open with young Hal Jordan hanging out with his father at the air field. Oh wait... okay, okay, it's young Scott Summers, just looking very young Hal Jordanesque. If you look quickly, his sweater vest almost looks like one'a Hal's bomber jackets. He is very psyched to be checking out this private air show... I wonder if Claremont may've been really into planes around this point -- he'd already published his novel, First Flight... which would get a couple of follow-ups over the next several years. Anybody ever actually read that? I know I tried... but, just couldn't get into it. Anyway, Scott's out with his BFF, Doc Robyn - and the man in the air is Colonel Richard Bogart (his wife, Tricia is there watching from the ground as well). The Colonel does a few tricks before landing the plane.

Once outta the cockpit, Richard invites Scott if he'd be interested in going for a ride. Initially, Scott's very excited... but, that fades quickly. He remembers that he's "damaged goods", and that it might not be the best idea. Just then, a cluster of skydivers begin their descent. They've got smoke flares attached to their boots, adding a bit more interest to the dive. Scott sees this, and assumes that they're burning. He flips the eff out, runs toward the field and throws himself on the ground, as though he were burning up himself. Doc Robyn rushes over to try and calm him down... he starts crying out that they're being shot at... and also, that he'll protect someone named Alex. Hmm. Before he ran off, he said something about a burning canopy and a Roman candle... which causes Richard to... rub his chin. Hmm.

That night, Robyn tucks Scott into his bed at the Home for Foundlings... and gets an absolute earful from Nate. He rags on her for her poor decision making, and even questions her credentials... after all, if she were any good at what she did -- why in all hells is she working in a dump like this. She asks why he's such a nasty little jerk, to which he threatens to one day show her. Ruh-roh.

The next day, Robyn and Tricia are getting some air miles in... chatting about that creepy little bastard, Nate... and how, the Doc is actually quite disturbed by him. Meanwhile, back on the ground, Scott and the Colonel are getting to know each other a little bit better. Now, the Colonel seems to think there's more to Scott's story than meets the eye, and attempts to get a bit more information out of him... which, ya know, is hard to do when you're interrogating an amnesiac. Seems as though Scott's memory comes and goes... when he's occupied with other things, the memories appear to flow... when he's not so preoccupied, however -- they stop.

We hop to lunchtime, and the Bogarts take Scott and Robyn to a mess hall or something. While Scott slurps down a milkshake at the bar, the growed-ups talk about him in a nearby booth. Robyn informs the Bogarts about Scott's sensitive eyes... and how, eventually, he'll have to wear glasses made of ruby quartz. Richard reveals some of what he's been able to glean from Scott's sparse stories... and would really like to reunite the li'l fella with whatever family he may have left. In the meantime, however, he suggests that perhaps he and Tricia go ahead and adopt him.

This takes us back to the Home for Foundlings, where Doc Robyn is chatting up the Chief Administrator about getting Scott adopted out to the Bogarts. The Admin, evil jag that he appears to be, isn't cool with this at all. He tells Hanover that she's going outside of regular procedure... however, she's steadfast that this is the right play. After much arguing, the Admin finally (appears to) give in. He tells her they can proceed with the, uh, proceedings... but, warns that, should anything go a bit ca-ca, it's on her head.

Later yet, Scott and the Colonel are back at the airfield... where the latter tells the former that they're hitting a lot of roadblocks in the adoption process. Lots of inquiries are being made... seems like a battle of attrition between they and the Home for Foundlings. Richard tells Scott that they're not going to give up... and even goes as far as to tell him that he's been searching for Scott's natural family. Scott... doesn't take this too kindly, assuming this means that the Bogarts wanna just pass him off to another family. Richard assures him that isn't the case at all, and even invites Scott to spend Christmas with he and his wife. Scott is so touched by the invite, that he calls the Colonel "dad". Wow.

That night, we rejoin Doctor Robyn who wakes up in a darkened room. The lights come on, revealing that she is in the presence of... Sinister. He tells her that she's become rather the nuisance... and, it looks like he's going to have to finally put a stop to her.

Some time later, Scott is waiting outside the Home for Foundlings for the Bogarts to show up. Nate tells him that he's a "dreamer", as the Colonel and Wife don't actually care about or want him. He heads back inside to chat up Doc Robyn a bit... only to find that she's... a very different lady, indeed. Her hair is tied up, she's in a very conservative dress... and doesn't appear to have any time for her one-time obsession. She tells Scott that the Bogarts haven't checked in in several weeks... and suggests that they're no longer interested in pursuing the adoption. She basically parrots what Nate said outside, telling him that they don't care. We know differently though, as interspersed between these panels, we see shots of the Bogarts laying dead on a mountain.

This takes us to the end... which, to me, is where this all falls apart. It's Professor Xavier and Jean practicing Jean's telepathy. She scans and finds another mutant mind... Scott's. He approaches them, thinking this is all a dream. We close out with some unnecessary (in my opinion) Phoenix imagery... and that's that.

--

Like I said at the jump, with the way the first part of this was paced, and having a bit of an idea where this was heading - I would'a bet money that this was a three-parter. It wasn't... and, I feel like that kinda hurt the flow. This chapter almost felt manic in its pacing... just rushing through the beats, without giving any of them proper room to breathe. Not that I'm looking for decompression or anything, but -- I dunno, this was supposed to be poignant and tragic... but, it came across like we were about to watch the "part-two" of a two-part television show, and what we read here today was the "Previously on..." bit.

Of course, it didn't help matters that we needed to forfeit a page of this to attend to some Jean retconning. Jean is one of those characters who, for me, it's kind of hard to get a "bead" on... as she's basically written as being whatever the current writer wants her to be. Was she ever actually the Phoenix? Well, that depends on who's telling the story. Did she die? Again, gotta ask whoever's sitting in the scriptin' seat. Was the Xavier's first pupil? Sometimes. Was she originally a telepath or telekinetic? Ain't dem da same t'ings? I mean, we (think we) know the answers to those questions... but, at the end of the day, it doesn't matter. Writers are going to adhere to whatever the want.

And, I mean -- I'm not against retconning Jean in as Xavier's first student, or whatever -- it's just that, if we're going to play fast and loose with X-Men history (and pre-history), howsabout we try not to contradict stuff that's come before. As we discussed over in the Essential X-Lapsed, Jean was "given" telepathic powers by Professor X when he was about to fake his death. I said that was stupid then... but, I mean... it happened. I dunno what I'm trying to say here, gang... the whole "capper" page just felt unnecessary... and (in my opinion) robbed the Cyclops story of an extra few panels of breathing room.

What happened to Robyn? Well, I suppose we can guess that she's been brainwashed. Is that satisfying? Well, it could'a been, if it were made a bit clearer and/or had a bit more room to breathe. She didn't come across as hurtful or aloof toward Scott (a bit blunt, maybe), it just seemed like she was too busy to stand around talking to a kid in the hallway. What happens from here? Like, we know Scott runs away... we know he briefly gets tied up with that dorky Jack O'Diamonds. But, what does he do... like right now? He just head back to his room with Creepy Nate... and wait?

The Sinisterness of this story was... okay? Another bit that I feel needed a bit more room. I mean, at the time in the main book, we had an idea that Sinister was "into" the Summers's's's's... but, that really isn't made clear here. He just seems like a bad guy -- his motivation wasn't properly fleshed out here, at least not to me. I suppose maybe they weren't completely sure what Sinister's story was going to be at this point. Hell, we're some quarter century later, and I still don't think we've got any writers who can agree on Sinister's story.

Anyway, not much more to say about this one. It was disappointing. After the great build of the first part, this came across like a rushed let-down. Can't really hold that against anyone -- it's pretty clear that the Classix Backup initiative is on its last legs, and I'm sure it's not anywhere near Priority One in the X-Offices. Plus, we already know that this isn't the Sinister story Claremont originally intended to tell. There are elements of his original in play... but, perhaps had he been given full-reign to write his version of Sinister, this may've been a bit more satisfying a read.

X-Men Vignettes, Chapter Forty-One (1989)

 

X-Men Vignettes #41 (1989)
"Little Boy Lost"
Writer - Chris Claremont
Pencils - Mike Collins
Inks - Joe Rubenstein
Letters - Mike Heisler
Colors - Glynis Oliver
Edits - Edelman, Harras, DeFalco
From: Classic X-Men #41 (December, 1989)

If you were to speak of the Classix Backups... you'd probably one of a few boilerplate responses. First, people will go nuts about the Art Adams covers... which is fair, because they're pretty fantastic - though, it's easy (for some "X-Scholars") to forget that he isn't doing the interior art. Second, folks'll mention the name "John Bolton" with their noses pointed aloft, and act as though they're the only one who's ever seen his work. Third, they might just mention the story we're about to discuss. This is... kind of an important one, so much so, that the primary custodian of the X-Men franchise has returned to tell it!

Chris Claremont is back... and, check this out -- we're getting a Cyclops-centric little ditty! Part One of Two, even! We're going all the way back to Scott's time in the Home for Foundlings... where, if my pro-friggin-fessional cover didn't tip y'off... something Sinister this way comes.

Let's do it.

--

We open at the playground at the Sinister Home For Foundlings in Nebraska. If you've been following the current-year stuff, you might recall that they recently burnt this place to the ground in the opening arc of Hellions -- which, like I always say on-air: "If you're not reading Hellions -- you should be reading Hellions." It's 18 or so issues of some of the finest in current-year comics, I honestly cannot recommend it enough. The book is so good, it almost brought this tired old cynic to tears! Anyway, it's here were some a-hole kid named Toby Rails is beating the crap out of this little weirdo called Nate. Nate is Scott Summers's's's roommate, and for reasons he can't quite explain, Scott has almost this "big brother" protectiveness over him. Hmm. Scott rushes into the fracas, and gets socked in the mush for his troubles. The fight is soon broken up by John Byrne.

Scott is whisked away to the nurse's office to get his face fixed up. In true Claremontian fashion, our new-doc introduces herself by name in her very first panel. She's Doctor Robyn Hanover, by the by. As she giddily presses some rubbing alcohol into Scott's eye-wound (I mean, she's smiling like the Cheshire Cat here... friggin' sadist), they talk about his homey Nate. Scott can't quite explain why he's so protective of his blonde buddy... especially since, he really doesn't actually like him all that much. He says something about the boy just rubs him wrong. A lotta wrong-rubbing in this scene.

That night, Scott has a nightmare. An odd, fragmented nightmare. There's fire, and falling... Scott is reaching out to save his roommate Nate from falling to his death. It's almost like something our boy might've experienced before winding up in the Orphanage. Hmm. Oh, and in case it's not clear -- Scott doesn't know anything about the time before he woke up at the Orphanage. He doesn't know much about what happened to his folks, or who they even were -- he also doesn't (consciously) know that he has a blonde little brother.

Scott awakes with a shout... which brings Doctor Robyn running in like a rocket. Nate tells her that Scott had a bad dream, but everything's okay now -- sorta the "nothing to see here!" gag. Doctor Robyn ain't buyin' it... and wants Scott to spend the night with her in the infirmary just in case. Toby Rails is there to see all this play out, and he starts singing about how Nate probably wants to make out with Scott... which, I mean -- imagine the bully at your school, or camp, or wherever... singing the K-I-S-S-I-N-G song. Ridiculous, right? Oh well, the Doc takes Scott -- Nate tells her she's making a hyooge mistake.

We rejoin Toby who's stomping back to his dorm. Along the way he bumps into... something Sinister. Mister Sinister, even! Sinister tells him that he's "tolerated" him until now... but, things are about to change.

The next morning, we catch up with Doctor Robyn, who is in the office talking about her new obsession... Scott Summers. She learns that he's been at the Home for Foundlings for over four years now. Also, that he came in after being in a coma for over a year after a skull fracture -- they assume he has severe brain damage. The only thing he seems to remember pre-coma was that he was nearly kidnapped by aliens. Which, well -- we know to be the case, but seems rather far-fetched, dunnit?

Robyn heads out to the hallway, where she runs into the Chief Administrator of the Orphanage... who gives her a few warnings: 1) don't wear sneakers in my hallways, ya hussy, 2) wear a longer skirt in my hallways, ya hussy, and 3) Scott Summers is still below the age of consent, so quit sniffin' around him. Well, that's the gist of it, anyway.

Let's stick with Robyn... because, Claremont really wants us to know her. She's moving in to her new office, with the aid of her new best friend, Scott Summers. As she hangs up a framed portrait of a plane, Scott takes a keen interest. He's a big-time fan of flyin' machines, ya see. He'd even want to one day be a pilot... though, he's sure his traumatic brain damage would keep him outta the cockpit. Robin feels like she's making headway... and is probably just about to offer Scott a libation, when -- there's some rumblin's coming from outside. Toby Rails... bully x-traordinaire, and amateur crooner... is in trouble!

And... indeed he is. He's actually stood atop one of the facility's dorms... and it looks like he might just jump. Rather than actually doing anything, the orphans and staff alike just gather and watch the scene play out. Li'l Nate is among the crowd, and seems mighty pleased that his tormentor might just take the leap. Doc Robyn calls him out for being so harsh... but, it doesn't do much for the little psychopath.

Now, since none of the adults will do anything about this -- it's up to the brain-damaged kid, Scott Summers to climb up the building and confront the a-hole who punched him in the face yesterday. Scott warns that it's a long way down and all that -- but Rails ain't hearing none of it... claiming he's about to "fly", he jumps. Scott manages to catch him by the hand... but, his grip can only hold for a few moments. Toby sandbags himself... and Scott just can't keep his grip. Toby falls.

It's weird, only after the fact does Doctor Robyn climb to the roof. Like, couldn't she have been of help, I dunno, 45 seconds ago? Like, if there were an adult up there, maybe they'd have been able to physically restrain Toby before he did what he did? I dunno. Anyway, as the Emergency Service Vehicles leave the premises, she tells Scott that none of this is his fault. He then waxes on a bit about the color of the sky.

We close out the chapter with Scott leaving the roof... and walking back to his dorm with his homey Nate. Nate, by the way, shoots a look that could kill in Doctor Robyn's direction... which she cannot help but to notice. She recalls that this is the same sort of look he shot Toby Rails last night. Uh-oh.

--

Now, okay, I may've had a little bit of fun with this one -- but, I really quite enjoyed it! Truth be told, and this might cost me my Fake-Ass X-Historian card, but -- this was my first time reading this one! I'd always heard about it -- as the genesis of the Sinister/Cyclops relationship, but up until now, never actually sat down with it. I wanna say the first time I'd read OF it was probably back in my old USENET stomping grounds -- it was probably part of Kate the Short's X-FAQ. Good grief, it's been a long time since I'd last thought of that. It was in that FAQ where I learned about Claremont's original intention for Mr. Sinister -- as a manifestation of an "imaginary friend" of sorts to Scott's twisted roommate that the Orphanage. I was instantly intrigued... because, it just seemed like such a cool idea. The look of Sinister... the name "Sinister"... it all seems like something a small child would think up when trying to concoct something "scary".

There was reference made to this very story -- which, as an X-Fan -- and a Cyclops-fan, I probably should have checked out some quarter-century ago. But, I didn't... and that's all due to a misunderstanding I had about it. When I read that this was the "intended" origin for Mr. Sinister, I think I kinda filed it away in the "out of continuity"/What if...? pile. As though, maybe the X-Office gave Claremont an issue's worth of pages to "play out" his original concept. Hey, it's not like the Vignettes have been making all that great'a use of those pages of late. In reading this far, however, I'm fairly certain that this story is in continuity... and, likely won't go all the way into Claremont's original vision. I'm guessing that Sinister isn't so much Nate's "imaginary friend"... but, Nate himself. Like, Sinister has taken the form of a child to get to Scott. He's probably also taking the form of other folks at the Home for Foundlings... at the very least, I'd guess he's also the Chief Admin who came down hard on Dr. Robyn for her sneaks.

At this point, Sinister's motivations aren't entirely clear. I mean, with all of our hindsight, we could make a few educated guesses -- but, in a vacuum, we're left wondering... at least for now. Why would Nate/Sinister orchestrate Toby Rails' suicide? Did he know that Scott would be the one to step up? Did he know that Scott would be unsuccessful in stopping him? Is that part of the plan? Was Doctor Hanover's arrival planned... or, is she a monkey wrench in the Sinister machine? If so... and since I don't think we've seen her since... I'm not too confident she's going to be making it outta this tale.

Overall -- like I said, this one ain't perfect... and relies a bit too much on convenience factors, but I very much enjoyed it all the same. I'm happy to have finally checked this one out, and am looking forward to seeing how it plays out.

X-Men Vignettes, Chapter Forty

X-Men Vignettes #40 (1989)
"Fundamental Imbalance"
Writer/Letters - Tom Orzechowski
Pencils - Jim Fern
Inks - Joe Rubenstein
Colors - Glynis Oliver
Edits - Edelman, Harras, DeFalco
From: Classic X-Men #40 (Mid-November, 1989)

Typed out, the word "forty" always looks so weird to me... I swear each time I try and type it, I instinctively try and spell it "fourty"... which, well... still looks weird, but still sorta right. Oh well.

This is the fou... for... err, 40th Vignette, so we are officially in the "home stretch". After this piece, we'll be at the Final Four! After that? Who knows. All's I do know is our "work" here will likely never be done. We'll see where the tides take us, and all that. Hopefully I can think of something before I re-dig that copy of Marvel Riot out to putchy'all to sleep with my attempts to annotate!

--

There's a gimmick to this story... as we watch the scenes play out in the "current day", there are bits of an angry maternal lecture sprinkled in. In case I don't elaborate as much as I perhaps should -- the lecture is coming from the mother of the, say it with me, NEW MUTANT who we'll never, eeeeeeever see agayn. The lecture is, uh, directed at... ya know, that new mutant, who is a bit of a wild child. Not that Wild Child. Anyway, this is a Nightcrawler story... so, we follow him around New York City, where he comments that it's like he's in a different country every couple of blocks. He happens across a one-legged street performer... breakdancing. Any guesses who our new mutant might be? Now, it turns out that her dance routine is just a distraction so her pals can engage in a bit of pickpocketing. It would'a worked, had Nightcrawler not caught them in the act.

With the jig very much up, our dancing queen takes off... and basically leaps around as though she'd been bitten by a radioactive grasshopper. Nightcrawler gives chase, following her into the subway... they both board a train where Kurt tells her how impressed he was with her dancing. Maybe he isn't totally clear on the pickpocket situation... or, at least this gal's role in it. Anyway, by the time they reach the next stop, our gal's done hopped the coop.

Kurt ain't done yet though... he's gonna keep searching. All the way into a darkened alley. Here, he's confronted by some very 80s gangbangers... who proceed to beat the bejeezus out of him. At first, Nightcrawler gives as good as he gets... but, the numbers eventually catch up. He's not x-actly out of the fight, but enough so where our girl decides to intervene. She leaps down from a fire escape and whacks the dudes with her crutch. She has a great catchphrase, by the way: "Party Time, you Dinks!"

Once the dust settles, Kurt and... the girl (she doesn't get a name), chat for a bit. He tells her again how impressed he was by her dancing and agility, and all that. She doesn't appear all that comfortable with this talk... and, I mean... can you blame her? It might be worth noting here that our gal is something of a "two face". In some panels she looks like a late-teen or twentysomething, in others she looks like a 45 year old who'd been rode hard. Anyway, Nightcrawler tells her that he's an X-Man (she initially jokes that he might be an Avenger... perish the thought). He explains that the X-Men have a school where Mutants can yadda yadda yadda. He happens to know that this unnamed street performer is a mutant, ya see -- because, well... he's carrying a miniature version of Cerebro in his pocket! Ooooookay. Well, if nothing else, now we know that "Unnamed One-Legged Red-Haired Street Performer" can be Goldballed!

After a friend of our gal tends to Kurt's bruises, Into Central Park they go... I feel like a lot of our Nightcrawler Vignettes have a scene in Central Park... though, maybe it's just two of 'em. Anyway, the Gal ain't feelin' the idea of heading upstate to attend some creepy school... and would prefer to remain here, with her "boys". Just like that, "the boys" show up. In our "confessional caption", we see that her mom doesn't like the people our Gal associates with. Seems it was part of the reason she either ran away, or got kicked out. I tell ya, these lecture "beats" aren't landing quite as well as I think they're supposed to.

Anyway, Nightcrawler leaves her in peace... and takes the long train ride back to Westchester, thinking about his own childhood and adolescence with the gypsies.... and his relationship with his "mother" Margali, after the death of his "brother" Stefan. Meanwhile, our Gal sneaks off to a payphone where none of her "boys" can see her -- and she makes a call... to her mother. Aw.

--

What's that thing I've been saying a lot of late? Oh yeah, we've gone full-blown X-Men Unlimited!

I'm a bit torn on how I feel about it though... as, I'm totally fine with the idea that there are mutants out there who want nothing to do with the "mutant lifestyle". They're less worried about designing a gaudy costume and doing heroic or villainous things... and just wanna be left alone to, ya know "be". I'm cool with that. I just feel that there are only so many different flavors of that, ya follow? I feel like we've read this one before... because, in many ways, we have... and will again. Maybe it's the dozens of similar X-Stories that have come out between 1989 and now that has skewed my view -- and, maybe, back in the long ago, this was a more "novel" idea. Sadly, I can't speak to that.

Stories like this are so formulaic... and, like I just said... that really isn't the fault of this story itself. It likely wasn't yet one of the go-to tropes to "fill x pages of x". As we discussed yesterday, here we meet a new mutant -- who appears to affect one of our a-listers in a profound way... who we'll never, ever see or hear from (or about) again. I mean, sure -- that's part of the human experience, I guess. We do run into people who may wind up having a profound and lasting impact on our lives... people we may not even know the name of -- but, it seems to happen an awful lot to our heroes. Really not a serious point for or against... it just kinda made me shrug, as if to say "here we go again..."

I kinda glossed over it in the synopsis, but the parallels here between the Gal and Kurt as it relates to their relationships with their mothers were interesting. And, just in case you skimmed the synopsis -- or have a similar reading comprehension as yours truly, by "mother", we're not talking about Mystique... this is Kurt's adoptive mother, Margali. Kurt was thought to have been responsible for the death of Margali's actual son, Stefan -- which, as you might imagine, put a bit of a crimp in their relationship. Our Gal's deal seems... a little (well, a lot) more on the petulant edge of the spectrum. The "I never asked to be born!", stomping out of the room sort of thing. They're also both performers... so, there's another parallel I guess.

That said, it's always interesting to "meet" a one-off mutant. It's equally interesting (at least to me), when nobody's ever thought to bring them back -- even for the "X-Twitter X-Pert" cred it might earn a creator. Why not stick Unnamed Street Performer in the background of a scene from... I dunno District X, or whatever the Bishop Police Procedural was called pre-Decimation? I'm sure the current crop would get all the kudos for digging one of these nobodies out! Then again, that'd be assuming that current crop read any pre-2019 X-Stuffs... which... I wouldn't bet a penny on.

In closing... I wanted to find a reason to share this panel... but, couldn't make it fit organically into the synopsis. It's Kurt, back at the mansion. Check out the (horrifying and) ree-deek-o-los portrait of Xavier in the background!

X-Men Vignettes, Chapter Thirty-Nine (1989)

 

X-Men Vignettes #39 (1989)
"Briggs' Revenge"
Writer - Ann Nocenti
Pencils - Jim Lee
Inks - Joe Rubenstein
Letters - Jim Novak
Colors - Gregory Wright
Edits - Edelman, Harras, DeFalco
From: Classic X-Men #39 (November, 1989)

Today we've got... say it with me... something weird! Weird in that, it actually feels like any old X-Men story. We've got good guys, bad guys, a conflict... it's so "normal" that it almost feels out of place here in the Vignettes!

It's also got art from a fella who's like two years away from pretty much remaking the entire franchise in his own image... so, there's that too.

--

We open with Storm flying over the streets and seas of New York City. She is in an amazingly good mood... so much so, that she almost hates to have to settle her feet on the ground -- she just wants to stay soaring. She does, however, land... gotta keep looking the part of an ordinary New Yawka, I suppose. As she sets down, she is spotted by... a creep. Well, maybe that's too harsh... we shouldn't judge a book by its cover, right? Anyway, this cree--err, fella sees Storm land, assumes she's a mutant... and wonders hopefully that she might be able to help him out. Ya see, he too is a mutant... and he doesn't know how to deal with his uncanny abilities. Ororo walks the streets, heading toward the nearest bus stop... and, since she's a six-foot tall supermodel with long, shockingly white hair, all the dudes start to ogle her. Our new creepy pal approaches to chat her up. She takes one look at him, and knows she's gotta get away. She ignores the poor dude. His name is Billy Briggs, by the way.

Billy keeps persisting... until some Tony Stark-looking dude pushes him away. Storm is immediately smitten by this handsome man. Interestingly, and this might just be me, but the "handsome" man looks a lot like a stock Jim Lee-drawn character... which, since this is Jim Lee, probably stands to reason. The "ugly" Billy Briggs... well, he kinda looks like a stock Rob Liefeld character... lotsa lines on his face, and even a bit of the broccoli floret hair! I'm sure I'm just seeing things... but, I tell ya... those are funny things to "see". Billy knows what's up... Storm doesn't have time for chat with some ugly dude in need -- she'd rather talk to a rich handsome dude. Well, way of the world, I guess...

From here we hop over to Xavier's, where Colossus and Wolverine are in the middle of a bet. Logan's bet Piotr that he can't nyoink a tree stump out of the ground... and has a case of beer riding on it. Colossus manages to do it... but struggles. Wow, Colossus struggling while yanking a tree stump out of the ground? Somewhere on dry land, John Byrne is seething! Maybe he'll even quit the book again! Storm arrives on the scene to help out by whisking the mangled root system away.

Wolverine wants to go double or nothing... and claims he can use his Razor-Sharp Adamantium Claws to hack the tree to bits in no time... well, thirty-seconds. And so, Pete and Ro begin to count as he chops away... as we pan back to see that, ol' Billy Briggs... somehow managed to follow Storm back to the school? I mean, it's like an hour and a half drive from Manhattan to North Westchester... and, it doesn't appear that our homeless Mr. Briggs has a car. Google Maps says it'd be a sixteen hour walk! Am I thinking too hard? Yeah, I'm probably thinking too hard. Maybe Briggs skitched the whole way on the back of Ororo's bus? Anyway, Briggs interrupts the proceedings by blowing up the car that Pete and Logan drove out... to the yard. Did they need to actually drive from the house to the yard? I dunno, gang.

Anyway, it's here where B.B. introduces himself... claiming that he has the ability to disintegrate the lot of 'em in a heartbeat... but, here's the thing: he's going to let Storm, the woman who ignored him sixteen and a half hours ago in the city, choose which of her friends he's going to kill -- a decision she'll have to live with for the rest of her entire life! It's a regular Stormy's Choice!

Rather than, ya know, attacking and restraining this clearly unhinged homeless man, Storm actually considers her options! She looks at Peter... who is so sweet and innocent, then Logan... who can survive being hit by a meteor. I mean, all told, it's an easy choice -- but, still... they're giving this baddie a lot of power here. Anyway, she ultimately does choose Wolverine... who, kinda saw it coming, and doesn't appear to be terribly surprised.

From here, Briggs makes like a Sentinel from the cover of Uncanny #142... and lights our Logan up!

In the distraction, Colossus picks up a chunk of tree and smashes the dude in the head with it... killing him. Okay, not really... but, c'mon now, this should have killed him. I mean, it'd kill an elephant. Storm joins in on the fun, whooshing Briggs into the sky, and giving him his first shower in months. She also hits him with lightning... killing him. Okay again, not really... but... it probably should'a! By now, Wolverine is back up and at 'em.

Colossus grabs Briggs, pressing his own hands into his head. It's now time for Wolverine to offer him a choice. He can either go via Razor-Sharp Adamantium death... or, he can use his own disintegration powers on himself. The choice is his. Well, it would'a been -- but, Storm butts in to get everyone to settle their tea kettles. She takes the blame for ignoring a man who was clearly in need... and suggests that the best course of action would be to help him. Worth noting, it looks like Piotr was totally on board with murdering this man... which seems a bit (read: a lot) out of character.

We close out with Storm approaching Wolverine to apologize for, ya know, offering him up to be killed three minutes ago. Logan says it's cool... but, it's clear that it isn't. I mean, it's not like this will ever be mentioned again... so, it's hard to say how deep the hurt-feelings go. Anyway, Billy Briggs sees this tension between Lo and Ro... and smiles sinisterly, knowing that... despite his "loss", he still kinda "won".

--

Before we get into it... good GRIEF is WordPress being a pain in the ass today. I've been trying to upload these pics for the better part of an hour. Is blogging, regardless of platform, just all-around awful nowadays? I don't remember being a part of that decision.

Anyway...

So, what'd we have here? I mean, we're in full-on X-Men Unlimited territory now... almost to a T. We're introduced to a new mutant, who we'll never, eeeeeeever hear from again. Said new mutant is nearly able to beat/kill some of the A-List X-Men. And, there's some dramatic tension introduced between the characters... which, like our new mutant, will never be mentioned again.

Which, kinda makes it difficult to say a whole lot about. I guess our main takeaway here might be the moral lesson of "don't judge a book..." since Storm was so quick to dismiss ugly Briggs when he approached her in the city. Which, hey -- let's talk about that for a second. That, in and of itself, kinda feels out of character for Storm, doesn't it? She's usually depicted as being (almost too) kind... it's a bit odd seeing her dazzled by the Tony Stark-looking dude while rolling her eyes at the annoying ugly fella, who is clearly in need of some sort of assistance.

Keeping on the topic of acting out of character - I mentioned during the synopsis how strange it was seeing Colossus playing along with Wolverine's threats of murdering Briggs. As still sort of the wide-eyed innocent that Piotr was, you'd think he'd contest such a thing -- but instead, he's there holding this dude's deadly hands up against his dome.

Finally, Wolverine himself -- when Storm was presented with the "Sophie's Choice", you'd almost think that he'd offer himself up, rather than putting Storm in such a position. He would know that, between he and Piotr, that he had the best chances of surviving the attack. That is, of course, assuming that Wolverine would've let this dude unload on either of them before slicing him to ribbons -- which might just be another sorta-kinda "out of character" bit.

I dunno about this one, gang. It's... interesting, just not terribly good. It's an early Jim Lee X-Men story, which I suppose makes it a bit notable? I believe he'd only had a single-issue fill-in on Uncanny to this point (#248 - September, 1989) -- he was just about to hop on full-time. Oh well. This one was what it was...

X-Men Vignettes, Chapter Thirty-Eight (1989)

 

X-Men Vignettes #38 (1989)
"Strangers on a Lift"
Writer - Ann Nocenti
Art - Kyle Baker
Letters - Bill Oakley
Colors - Glynis Oliver
Edits - Edelman, Harras, DeFalco
From: Classic X-Men #38 (October, 1989)

Y'all ready for something weird? Cuz... today, we got a weird one. We've also got Ann Nocenti back, which I don't remember approving. Oh well.

Before we get into it though... how ya like my fake-ass cover, eh? Pretty spiffy? Y'almost can't even notice how horrid the transparency on the logo is!

--

So, we open... and, I guess Ann wanted to have her say with Dazzler in the Vignettes as well, cuz this is another one starring Ali. Anyway, it's late at night, and she's shuffling her way into an elevator at a multilevel parking lot structure. Inside the tin box stands a very portly fellow. If this were a movie, he'd probably be the racist sweatshop owner, or the dude who acts all moralistic... later being discovered as having a refrigerator full of body parts in his basement. You know the type, yes? He's the Elevator Man. He asks where Ali's headed... she tells him to take her to the top. The elevator whirrs into action... and, things get weird. The Elevator Man gets pretty close into Ali's personal space while attending to the lift-box's mechanism... while creepily leering, square in her eyes.

Moments pass... then, the lights go out. When they come back on, the fella is stood like right up on Dazzler's back. I'm sure she's getting a nose full of stale stogie and liverwurst. Ali begins to panic and asks what the dollar store Kingpin is up to... he simply tells her that he's the Elevator Man... and he's running the lift.

They reach the top level, and Ali goes to leave. The E.M. insists that he walk her to her car... since it's late... and, ya know, dangerous. He really impresses upon her how dangerous it is for her to be up here alone. As she begins her walk to her hooptie... another car hammers the gas and drives right toward her. The Elevator Man grabs her, pulling her out of harm's way... then... uh, handcuffs her to a metal pipe? Um, what?

The Elevator Man tells her it's all a joke... then, checks his pocket -- realizing that he's left the key to the cuffs somewhere else. He leaves to go fetch them. No sooner does he waddle away than Alison uses her Disco-paffin' to break herself free.

She then rushes to the power box and shuts off all the lights to the structure... leaving our fat friend just as confused and outta sorta as she was on the elevator. Next, she runs over to her car... flips on the radio... and prepares to engage in some Disco Dazzlin'.

What follows are a couple pages of Kyle Baker pencil candy, during which the Elevator Man gets bombarded with terrible music and light. Our gal introduces herself to her would-be fake-ass attacker... which takes us to our ending.

In which the Elevator Man reveals that... while he works as a humble Lift Operator, his true passion is film... and his obsession is fear. Ya see, this whole scene was orchestrated so he could observe and study "true fear" for his next film. He drops to his hamhock-sized knees and apologizes. Alison asks him, after what he's just experienced, if he now has enough "material" for his fear-film.

--

Welp.

Toldja this was a weird one. Thing of it is... there ain't all that much to say about it. Least nothing off the top of my head. It was interesting to look at, even if the story itself kinda read as nonsensical. Like, we know the Elevator Man's "goal" was to study true fear... but, really, at what cost? You pull a stunt like this... your ass is going to jail, right? Maybe that was his goal... he wanted to know the fear of being a literal cushion of a man in jail? Heck, even if that was the case, there've gotta be easier ways of going about it.

Up to the "grand reveal", Ann and Kyle did a great job of evoking the kind of fear and dread we might find ourselves with, when all alone... in the dark... away from our (non-current-year) safe spaces. The tone of the story is pretty great. Part of me wonders how a John Bolton would've drawn this... but, I'm more than pleased with Baker's take.

The title of this story is likely a play on the Hitchcock film, Strangers on a Train -- which, outside of the similar title, doesn't appear to share a single other thing with this story. Speaking of the title... here's an irrational "Chris Problem" for ya... use of the word "lift" instead of elevator by an American. Though, I suppose if we're replacing the word "Train" in our homage title, we gotta find a monosyllabic word to fit the bill. To me though, it always makes me think that the writer is trying to appear more "cultured". Like I said, irrational Chris Problems... they are debilitating. It's a wonder I'm able to pull myself outta bed every morning.

It reminds me of a comics podcast I used to listen to... back when I still had the time to listen to comics podcasts. It was hosted by an American and a Brit, and oddly, the Brit -- perhaps knowing that most of their audience was American, would use words like "elevator", "apartment", and "bar"... whereas, the American co-host would say "lift", "flat", and "pub". It always struck me as funny. Oh well.

Overall -- this is about three-quarters of a good story... which, at least for me, falls apart pretty hard at the end. How this Elevator Man didn't wind up arrested at the end of it makes zero sense. Plus, who was in the blue car that barreled at Ali? Was that part of the plan... or, just a happy coincidence? Also, what was E.M. planning to do to Ali when he returned with the keys? Lotsta silly questions... but, no answers are comin'.