The L.A.W. (Living Assault Weapons) #3 (1999)

The L.A.W. (Living Assault Weapons) #3 (November, 1999)

"The Past is Always Present"

Writer & Inker - Bob Layton
Penciller - Dick Giordano
Letterer - John E. Workman, Jr.
Colorist - Tom Ziuko
Separator - Digital Chameleon
Special Thanks - David Michelinie
Assistant Editor - Frank Berrios
Editor - Joey Cavalieri
Cover Price: $2.50

Ehh... why not?

--

We open in full-blown flashback mode.  We're watching the original Blue Beetle, Dan Garrett taking on a crew of robots being commanded by Ted Kord's evil uncle Jarvis Kord.  The flashback ends with Ted being thrown into the Elector machine... which, despite its name has nothing to do with voting nor public service.  Ted wakes up and shakes the cobwebs as he, Question, Judomaster, and Salt continue their trek toward the Avatar.

We pop in on the netherworld dimension, current home of the Justice League.  We find they are all locked in a sort of suspended animation... all of them besides a certain Manhunter from Mars, that is.  J'onn reaches out with his mind... sending an interdimensional S.O.S. in hopes that any passersby may answer the call.

We shift scenes to a hotel in the south of France.  Eve Eden is there... and she's got her eyes on a trio of turbaned men, who happen to be escorting her Uncle Yves... somewhere.  They toss the old man into a.. . closet, maybe... and reveal themselves to be hellspawn demons sent by the Avatar!  Boy are they surprised to find that Nightshade had already sniffed them out... ya see, she used her interdimensional powers to observe that none of the (identical) turbaned men had a shadow.  Ya know, I'm no Sherlock Watson or anything, but I think I'd have noticed something like that too... Anyhoo, she grabs Unc, and hops through a portal.

We get a creepy post-coital scene with Sarge and Justine.  She comments on the sheer number of bullet holes in his body, and expresses happiness that none of that mess affected his... performance.  Man, gross.  Anyhoo, she can't keep her hands off of him... couldja blame her?  Blech...

gross...

They are summoned to Command and Control where they meet Nightshade and Yves.  She asks that they keep him safe, and hops a portal back out.  While she's here (and getting paid), Justine decides to stop looking at Sarge's saggy bullet-ridden hide and looks to a radar screen.  It looks as though the Avatar is laying in wait for their "away team".  Sarge tries to abort the mission... but it's too late!

The Bug is overrun with hellspawns who absolutely tear into it.  The 'spawns also overtake Peacemaker-1, causing it to explode (!).  One beastie gets into it with Judomaster, and when it realizes it can't beat him hand to hand... it simply pushes ol' Rip out of the plane.  Could'a done that five minutes ago, chief...

As Judomaster plummets, the Avatar looks on... surprised.  The Peacemaker makes his triumphant (?) return... it'll take more than being on board an exploding jet to put him away... I guess.  He boards the Bug and begins blasting away without prejudice.  The hellspawns flee, but not before Peacemaker can tag one with a morph probe.

The battle-damaged Bug comes to a landing, and the foursome on board collect their thoughts.  They're sure that Judomaster is dead, and they seem kind of okay with it.  The Question proves to be the only one thinking straight... either that or he's already read issue-two... he's thinking there's a mole among the Peacemaker Organization.

Speaking of the Organization, back at the command post, the Avatar is "bringing it... via satellite" for ol' man Steel.  He's planning to open a gate to Hell in 72-hours.  He goes on about Holy Wars and the like... and says nobody has anything to worry about if they don't raise up arms against him.  Hmm... yeah, sounds legit.  After addressing the issue with a bunch of other old men, it is decided to finally bring the G.O.R.T. online to deal with this.  Ya see, the G.O.R.T. is the crazy GPS thing that Beetle sold for a half-billion a hundred years ago in issue one.

We shift to the Avatar's home for wayward youths... I mean, seriously, the orphans being held here look like they're having a great time!  Definitely not a "hard knock life" up here.  He's receiving some intel from Doctor Bhattacarja about the G.O.R.T. being brought into play.

After disconnecting from the Doc, Avatar turns his attentions to Captain Atom... who's still napping in the crystal.  It sucks that Cap's not gotten any action up to this point.  I wanna see how his new duds look in battle.  Anyhoo, Avatar gives him the business about how he's gonna make the superheroes and military pay, yadda yadda yadda.

He then leaves, feeling a bit weak.  He walks down what looks like a cave hallway... man his space station is diversely decorated... and takes a drink of the Soma... the Elixir of Immortality... for exhilaration and enlightenment!  He then turns his attention to his newest captive... Judomaster!  Of interest, Judomaster recognizes the evil bastard as his old sidekick Tiger!  Woop woop.

--

I'd say this one was about at the level of the second issue.  Better than the open, but no great shakes.  At least the second issue had that cool piece by Dick Giordano about the old Charlton days!

It's mostly action... and rather pedestrian action at that.  I'm really struggling to think of anything interesting to say here... not that I've let that stop me before!

I will give this series one thing... it's aimed at fans of the old Charlton characters.  I mean as far as I know, the last time we saw (or heard of) Judomaster or Tiger (to this point) was in the mid-1980's All-Star Squadron series.  The reveal at the end was a true "deep cut" and had I been around (and reading) during the heyday of the Charlton Action Heroes, I'm sure I'd have gasped... perhaps even audibly... okay, probably not... but still, the reveal would have mattered to me.

While this series certainly isn't for me, I will definitely give it props for staying true to its roots.  This was a series for the fans of the characters... this isn't distilled down with the hopes that a "casual" comics fan would pick it up and glom on to it.... or even a "seasoned" fan who has little to no history with Charlton, for that matter.  I really like that.  Too many books these days (and I apologize for actually typing "these days") are written for people who don't and won't read comics.  L.A.W. (Living Assault Weapons) isn't reaching for the kid who just watched Suicide Squad, Batman v Superman, or the latest Avengers film... this is a comic book by fans of the Charlton properties for fans of the Charlton properties.  It revels in its irrelevance... and for that reason alone, I can't completely write it off.  Is it for me?  Hell no... but it was never meant to be.

I'll do the research so you don't have to... Tiger was Judomaster's young sidekick during the Charlton days, and would grow up to be Nightshade's martial arts instructor.  Now you know why the reveal could (in theory) mean something.

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I remember really digging this show when I was like 18... I bet I'd be embarrassed to watch it now!

The L.A.W. (Living Assault Weapons) #2 (1999)

The L.A.W. (Living Assault Weapons) #2 (October, 1999)

"The Way of the Warrior"

Writer & Inker - Bob Layton
Penciller - Dick Giordano
Letterer - John Workman
Colorist - Tom Ziuko
Separator - Digital Chameleon
Assistant Editor - Frank Berrios
Editor - Joey Cavalieri
Cover Price: $2.50

Glutton for punishment?  Nah, just optimistic that this issue will be better than the last.  Still in that Charlton state of mind...

--

We open with an old man doing psychedelic cave paintings depicting many of the goings-on in the L.A.W.-iverse of late.  We shift to a scene showing Captain Atom encased in an enchanted palladium crystal that is draining him of his powers.  The Avatar looks on and taunts him.  A close-up of his face made me think, for a moment, that he had Starro clamped on his forehead.

We now join the Question getting pummeled by a group of Avatar devotees.  This almost makes me think I missed an issue... I don't even recall them landing!  Anyhoo, Beetle wanders back into the scene, wearing rags... claiming to have leprosy, to freak the crowd out.  Okay, gotta admit... I chuckled at this.  Amid the confusion, he blasts the crowd with his flashgun, and the two super-buddies go all fleet-feet.

Meanwhile, at the Peacemaker/L.A.W. complex in the Swiss Alps we meet a woman named Justine Ramagas.  She immediately hits it off with Sarge Steel... and by "hits it off" I mean, Sarge asks her to call him "Daddy".  For a moment, I thought that due to my unfamiliarity with these characters I was missing that this was in fact Steel's daughter... well, let's hope not otherwise a scene at the end of this issue is going to be far more disturbing than it already is!  They are alerted that there is a call from a Senator Eden in regard to Eve "Nightshade" Eden.

Back in India, the boys are met at the docks by a group of thugs.  One chucks a small dagger, which is caught by our old friend Rip Jagger.  He throws the knife back at a hanging net that looks to be full of pillows... this allows for the threesome to flee.  On the way back to the submerged Bug, Jagger displays his amazing strength by removing seven inch nails from a corrugated steel wall.  I'll give them credit for not making those nails nine inches long... Gotta wonder though, last we saw Jagger he was in his Judomaster get-up... when did he change clothes?

Somehow, it only took the L.A.W. fellas about 15 minutes to get from Switzerland to Maryland... anyhoo, they meet with Senator Eden who takes them into his wine cellar where the starrified Nightshade has struck a dramatic pose.  Steel's sidekick Salt grunts and reaches into the female void... and SIMply yanks Eve out of herself!  So far Salt if the MVP of this series.  Maybe he's the stand-in for Peter Cannon... Thunderbolt.

Back in India... really... we're still here?  Okay, Beetle, Rip, and the Question are somehow still at the docks... and guess what?  There are thugs approaching.  Finally Beetle decides to call forth the Bug... and the three hop aboard.  Yeah, didn't need all these pages to tell this bit.

Okay... now the Steel and the Gang took their 15 minute superflight back to Switzerland.  I mean, really... Beetle's bunch barely makes it from the docks... back to the docks in the time it takes Sarge to cross the Atlantic twice!  Anyhoo... here we meet Doctor Bhattacarja, who promises that Steel's new prosthetic will be the best thing ever.  Remember it melted last issue?  Maybe I didn't mention that... now ya know, it melted last issue.  They are informed that Nightshade is now awake.  We get another page with Beetle, where we learn that they'd been drafted into Sarge Steel's war.

Back in the Alps, Eve Eden gets chatty.  She appears to be something less than alive... not dead, but she's cold... physically and emotionally.  She no longer has feelings.  I guess she was inhabited by a succubus which that goofball Fate remedied (?)... over the P.A. comes word that Steel's special guests have arrived... Salt immediately recognizes Rip Jagger and takes a knee in his presence.  Beetle and the boys don't quite know what to make of their "new friend".

What follows is a few brief bits... Sarge Steel gets his new hand... a hand which somehow can feel pain.  Beetle and Question check in on Nightshade.  She advises them that she's been assigned the task of tracking down the Justice League... oh that's all?  Either way, she walks alone... nobody can follow.  Peacemaker and Steel get some brand new information... Avatar's base doubles for an orphanage, which I suppose is why he abducted that boy who wandered onto the launch site last issue.  The United States Assistant Secretary of Defense gives them the news, and adds to it that his own son is among the "orphans".  Peacemaker vows to save the tots.

That night, we check in on Doctor Bhattacarja's bedside.  She's telling a man in the shadows to gather all the information on the L.A.W. as he can.  She then reaches into her nightstand and pulls out a crystal.  With it she summons the Mighty Parashrama (Avatar to you and me) and promises that she will deliver the information he desires.  We also learn that there may be an exchange of favors for her misdeeds...

Speaking of exchanging favors... we get an uncomfortable scene in which Sarge Steel gets it on with Justine... ya know, the girl he suggested should call him "daddy" earlier that day.  I guess there's a lesson in there somewhere... I just don't wanna dig far enough to find it.  Anyhoo... she seems really impressed by his new palm and digits, and before ya know it they're lockin' lips.

The issue ends with the Charltonites heading out on their mission(s).  To be continued...

--

Well...

It was better than the first issue.  Sadly, that's really not saying all that much.  I mentioned a certain flatness to the art last issue... and while it's most definitely still there... I think I realized what it reminds me of... the Amazing Spider-Man newspaper strip!  It's passable, sure... but just so lifeless.  It's hard for me to become engaged with art like this.

The story?  Well, it's a "gather the team" issue.  Many of our disparate former Charltonites are coming together to face the threat of the (barely present) Avatar.  I gotta say, I dug the Beetle and Question segments... mostly for Beetle's comedy.  The leper colony bit was cute, and got a chuckle out of me.

Sarge Steel is still just unlikable enough for me not to care.  At this point, I'm hoping he annoys me enough for me to want him to play chicken with a tank.  Right now, he's just a jerk.  The love scene with Justine was suitably stomach turning as well.

We get ourselves a reveal with Doctor Whatsherface being a devotee to whoever the Avatar is the reincarnation of... so there's that.  She's a big part of the nebulous Living Assault Weapons program, so I'm guessing this was supposed to be a far bigger deal than I'm making it out to be.

The Judomaster and Nightshade get new wrinkles in their mysteries... which, I'm guessing if I had grown up with the Charlton characters I'd care more, but with my lack of interest mixed with my terrible affliction of hindsight telling me that what happens in this miniseries... stays in this miniseries, I just can't get into it.  I think it's cool they're trying something with them... but that's about as far as I can go.

If we're talking about "interesting", I'd direct you to the letters column for this issue (below).  I say this without a hint of irony... this page was the most interesting thing included in this issue.  I'll concede that I'm kind of a boring dude, and I understand what tickles me often causes those around me to yawn... but I really liked Giordano sharing stories... and unwittingly adding to a podcast that would come some 16 years later.

So, overall... a definite improvement over the first chapter, however, still quite lackluster.  I'll still give issue three the ol' read through, so maybe we'll discuss that one tomorrow... then again, maybe not.

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Letters Page:

The most interesting thing in this issue...

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The L.A.W. (Living Assault Weapons) #1 (1999)

The L.A.W. (Living Assault Weapons) #1 (September, 1999)
"Avatar Rising"
Writer & Inker - Bob Layton
Penciller - Dick Giordano
Letterer - John E. Workman, Jr.
Colorist - Tom Ziuko
Separator - Digital Chameleon
Special Thanks - David Michelinie
Assistant Editor - Frank Berrios
Editor - Joey Cavalieri
Cover Price: $2.50

Been in a real Charlton state of mind over the past few weeks.  If you follow my audio exploits, that won't come as much of a surprise.  If you ain't... well, in our latest (and next) episode of Weird Comics History, Reggie and I have been discussing the history of this interesting enterprise, including many of its notable creators... and creations.

It's been an amazing education, and we've had a great time covering it.  If you haven't checked it out and think you might be interested, you can find it right here (or the sidebar if you're reading this the week of 8/21/2016).

--

We open with a GBS breaking news report (hosted by Vic Sage).  The Justice League of America (and their satellite) have vanished from the surface of the moon.  A handy flashback shows us what happened... a flaming man known as The Avatar shot a beam of light from his enchanted headband and caused it to disappear.

We return to the newsroom, and Vic's next report is in regard to the European Space Agency coming under attack by... well, the same dude we saw in the flashback.  A small army of demons is covering the ground while Avatar gets all lightning-y.  

Luckily N. Christopher Adam just happens to be on the scene.  After some clumsy dialogue to explain his new costume, he launches into battle.  He blames his wife, Plastique for his new-blue duds... claiming she was tired of looking at his old gear... which, if I'm not mistaken... and I don't think I am, was basically just his naked body covered in silver.  So, if his wife's got a problem with all that, maybe a change of wardrobe should be the least of his worries.

He doesn't get very far, as the Avatar... who reveals that he is in actuality the reincarnation of the Hindu God Parashrama... I thought I recognized him from somewhere... blasts Atom with his Ax of Shiva, and tosses him into a portal.  After the dust settles, Avatar finds a... young boy among the wreckage... well, that's convenient.  He takes his hand and brings him through a different portal.

Back in the newsroom, Vic is ticked!  He thinks he's gotten to the bottom of it... the Avatar attacks "anything military"... so, the Justice League are military now?  Okay, I'll play along.  He stomps out despite his news director's (?) pleas to the contrary.  I never knew Vic Sage to lose his cool so easily.

Meanwhile, at the White House... Sarge Steel is meeting with President Bill Clinton.  The dialogue here is a bit precious as well.  Steel really has no patience for the Prez, and engages in some embarrassing tough talk with the Commander in Chief.  Clinton hands over a card for the Peacemaker Project, and tells Steel to give them a call if he runs into any trouble.

We watch as Sage loads into a taxi.  He's quite the man about town, everybody knows him.  He gets out in a seedy part of town and "faces" up.  His destination, Kord Industries.  We learned earlier that Ted had just sold an invention for a cool half-billion.  We also come to find that due to excessive web-surfing, he is now suffering with carpal tunnel.  Gotta wonder what kind of web-surfing ol' Beetle was engaging in, if he injured his wrist so badly.  That was in poor taste, I apologize... Anyhoo, he (Ted) gets alerted by his silent alarm, and discovers the Question prowling.

And so, he meets him.  Question says he's looking for info on the Avatar... and instead of asking why Vic didn't just give him a call, Beetle brings him over to his super-computer, and shows off his newly designed Bug... that apparently cost him a great deal of his newly earned dosh.

Back with Sarge Steel... he lands in Geneva, Switzerland and meets with a fella called Salt.  They board a secret underground tram... which, much to their surprise isn't nearly as "secret" as they'd thought.  A crew of Avatar's demons attacks... with the Avatar himself hokily appearing via video monitor... During the fracas a man in gold and red armor enters the scene.  This is supposed to be the Peacemaker?  I'm not sure if this costume is better than that weird wide helmet or worse due to its generic look.  It feels like when Marvel gave U.S. Agent a costume that didn't just look like a darker Captain America suit... totally generic and without any personality.  After the dust settles (a lot of dust settles this issue), they deduce that they will require an interdimensional ally if they are to meet Avatar head-on.

Which brings us to Nightshade... and Fate.  Ya know, Fate... the young, hip, and cool take on Dr. Fate... he's got the anch tattooed over his right eye... kinda looks like he should be hanging out with Ravage 2099... yeah that guy.  Anyhoo... he claims he can help Nightshade by "repairing her reality"... he references K-Mart and flannel for some reason before yanking... well, Nightshade's "reality" off of her.  Unfortunately, this leaves her as some sort of incorporeal entity.  Fate's all "whoops... gotta go!" before swiping a bottle of wine and heading for the nearest Taco Bell... and no, I'm not kidding.

We rejoin Blue Beetle and the Question as they fly toward Nanda Parbat.... which unfortunately tells me that we'll likely see Fate again before this is done.  Anyway... on the ground, a man called Rip Jagger is meeting with... well, if I didn't know any better I'd say Angie Thriller... it's really Rama Kushna.  She reminds him that he is a warrior... and the time has come where a warrior is needed.

And so... he dons his gear and heads out into the world as Judomaster.  To be continued...

--

Yeah, didn't like this... like, at all.

I read this earlier today... and hated it.  So I did what I usually do when I decide to review something I don't dig... I put it down for a few hours, and then gave it a second look.  Well this time, I still hated it.  Hell, I might have liked it even less the second time...

The story was ehh, the dialogue was clunky... and the art was uninspired, flat, and lifeless.  It almost felt as though they were affecting the flat look of the old "printed on a press made for cereal boxes" Charlton books.  If that was the case, I'd give it points... but, I think the blame is more on the in-between paper stock we've got here.  We're in that time when DC (and Marvel) dropped the glossy paper for a spell.  I usually see that as a net-positive, because I like how the art translates to this grittier paper... but here, it's super dull.

Captain Atom's dialogue... I know I gave it some grief during my spoilery synopsis... but man, it's bad.  I keep having to check the cover to make sure I got the year right.  This really doesn't feel like something that came out at the turn of the century.  It just feels so "canned".  The Avatar finding a young boy among the wreckage at a launch site?  That's weird... though, I suppose if we're suspending our disbelief for the rest, I gotta allow it.  Still kinda ehhh.

I can't claim to be an expert on the Question... I've only really read some of the Denny O'Neil run and his bits in 52.  I don't recall him ever being this hot-headed.  I always assumed he was a bit more cool and collected, though I will concede that I could very easily be wrong.  He just felt "off" here.  Also, it's clear that Ted considers Vic a pal... why didn't Vic just ask him for help?  Did we really need him infiltrating Kord Industries?  Seems silly...

Sarge Steel... another fella who I wouldn't recognize if he delivered a pizza to my house came off as just unlikable here... not so unlikable that I would care much either way... at least if I hated him I'd have a vested interest in seeing more than his mechanical hand get mangled.  Instead, he's just taking up too many pages in a book already crammed with cameos.

The Fate scene?  Do we gotta?  This was not good at all.  Well, before we do, I'll answer the question on the tips of all of our tongues... according to Yahoo! a 2012 Chateau De Segries Cotes du Rhone goes best with Taco Bell.  Back to the man... wow, what an ass!  I mean, again... gotta check the cover to make sure I got the right year here... this scene was painful... almost embarrassing.

The Judomaster scene was the only one that I didn't really have any problems with... and I don't even care for the character.  It felt pretty samey... like I could easily see Iron Fist in the same scene, but it wasn't bad.

I had originally planned to cover this entire six-issue miniseries... however, after this one... it ain't looking all that good.  I don't want to fall into that trap where I purposely review books I don't like... that shtick gets old fast.  It's too bad as I really wanted to like this.  I figure I'll give the second issue a shot tomorrow and hope it picks up... though, I'm not hopeful.

I paid a quarter for this, and while I'm not going to say I feel like I was ripped off... I still don't think it was money well spent.  There's far better cheap-o bin fodder out there featuring the Charlton Action Heroes available... I'd say seek those out before checking out The L.A.W.

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