Learn Me The Legion, Episode 1 - Origin Stories & Adventure Comics #247

Learn Me The Legion, Episode One

Origin Stories & Adventure Comics #247 (April, 1958)

"The Legion of Super-Heroes"

Writer - Otto Binder

Art - Al Plastino

Edits - Mort Weisinger

Welcome friends, to a whole new series - and part of the "New Fall Season" here at the channel.

Longtime Legion-denier, Chris (@acecomics) looks to right the wrong of keeping DC's future-teen-heroes as a deliberate blind-spot in his comics knowledge... and to do so, he's found himself a friend to help him navigate this twisting and storied franchise.  Lifelong Legion fan, Al Sedano (@AdamThanosPod) has graciously agreed to educate and guide me to... maybe eventual Legion-relevance... or, at least maybe being able to identify a dozen or so of these characters on sight!

For this first episode, we share our own Legion origins... or lack thereof, Al provides a brief overview of the franchise, and we start our coverage... well, at the start - with a look at Adventure Comics #247 from 1958!

As this series progresses, we will be alternating between covering Legion stories, and focusing on prominent Legion characters, to try and get me up to speed.  If you're in need of some "Legion Learnin'", this might be the show for you!  If you're already a certified "Doctor of Legionomics"... well, you still might enjoy hearing how ignorant I am about the property you hold so dear!  Or, you can at least stick around long enough to hear how I ruined a really good song to make our theme music (apologies to Jarvis...)!

Feedback is encouraged!  We invite you to write in and join us on this little audio journey!

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@acecomics / @cosmictmill / weirdcomicshistory@gmail.com

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Action Comics #345 (1967)

Action Comics #345 (January, 1967)
"The Day Candid Camera Unmasked Superman's Identity!"
"The Exile of Steel"
Writers - Leo Dorfman & Jim Shooter
Artists - Al Plastino & Jim Mooney
Letters - Joe Letterese
Cover Price: $0.12

Now there's one wacky cover!

Lucked into this one just yesterday in a 50-cent bin... which should tell ya, it wasn't in the best of condition.  It's all in one piece... or at least it was before I read it, so I can't complain all that much.

I tell ya, there are certain books that I will buy in the worst of condition... and this iconic-covered oddity is definitely one of them.

Full disclosure, the cover-image above is one I found online... I found it a difficult-to-impossible task finding the "good side" of my copy.

Either way... happy to have it, and really happy to be including it in our #Action100 endeavor!

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We open and immediately learn that Perry White from the Daily Planet is quite the "comedy" fan.  He's really into Allen Funt and his Candid Camera antics.  Take this gag for instance, Funt watches while a man pretends to be a gorilla at the zoo... and everybody but the "mark" plays along as though it's really a gorilla.  Oh the fun!  Suddenly White's viewing is interrupted by a phone call reporting that there's currently a "hold up" at the Daily Planet.  Instead of, ya know... calling the cops, he just heads on down.  Upon arrival he sees that the entire Daily Planet Building has been flown off by Superman!

He shouts at the Man of Steel to lower the building, and so... he does.  As Perry reads him the riot act, we learn it's... just a prank, bro!  In other words, you've been Funted!  Impish Allen pokes his head out to inform the Chief that he's on Candid Camera... and the whole world will see him looking annoyed that somebody ripped his building out of the ground.  I think "annoyed" is the appropriate response, don't you?

Turns out this (this?) prank was one of the highest rated pranks in the history of the program... and so, Funt decides his next prank will also be aimed at a Daily Planet employee... this time it's going to be aired live, and the target... Clark Kent!

Meanwhile, back at the Planet, the staffers razz the Chief for his earlier Funting.  He returns to his office just as the phone starts ringing... and it's Allen Funt (I swear I've typed the word "Funt" more in the past five minutes than I have in my entire life), and he tips Perry off to his plan.

We later join Impish Allen as he has his hooptie fueled up.  The pump-jockey is shocked to watch as the vehicle begins to float away... but, how?!

Oh-ho, you've been Funted poor laborer!  Ya see, he filled his trunk up with all sorts of floaty gases... which, I suppose is as good an explanation as any... which is to say, it's ridiculous.

A little later, and Allen's jolly journey continues... this time, he chooses to terrorize some teen-agers who are attempting to vandalize a statue in Metropolis Park.  They toss snowballs at it (when did it snow?)... only to learn that it's alive... alive... ALIVE!

Relax lads, it's just a prank... Fiendish Funt let's them in on the gag... and even takes them out for burgers!

We next turn our attention to Clark Kent, who is on assignment for the Daily Planet taking in the "Gay Nineties" Exhibit at the Metropolis Fair.  Looks like the 1890's were... pretty boring.  Clark watches a reenactment of a 75-Round boxing match... and then watches a fat guy eat a big meal.  Also worth noting, there's a superhero gift-shop... probably to keep the little ones quiet.

Suddenly, some of the Gay Nineties cosplayers reveal that they are holding the place up (with, er, guns that is... they're not actually lifting the fair out of the ground).  Clark rushes off to the nearest phone booth... a Phony-Funty-Phone Booth.  At this point, Allen decides to reveal the "gag" (Was there a gag?  Did I miss it?)... opening the phone booth door, revealing... Clark Kent changing into Superman!

The people of Metropolis are shocked by the reveal!

Then... the story starts to go a bit "ca ca".  Clark continues to strip out of his business attire, revealing that he's not only wearing Superman's shirt and cape... but Batman's leggings, boots and utility belt.  Well, that explains everything!  Allen Funt just "outed" the Composite Superman!  Or not.

Ya see, Clark reveals that the pranker... has just become the prankee.  Since he's such a big fan of Candid Camera, Clark was watching on a tiny television... so he knew that he was the "mark".  In order to give Feisty Funt a jolt, he grabbed some superhero paraphernalia from the gift shop.  Oh-ho.  Funt's been Funted... and we're outta here.

But... we're not done.  It's time for some Action-Plus... before they even called it that!  It's a Supergirl story... in which she wound up on the planet Gaea... and somehow became President of their United States.  She is currently jailed for treasonous acts... and is awaiting her impeachment trial.

She is suspected of aiding nogoodniks of A.R.M. (The Adult Revolt Movement, if you're nasty) in their attempt to overthrow the government.  Linda's veep, Richard Malvin takes the stand... and proceeds to throw Supergirl right under the bus.  Linda loses her cool and calls Tricky Dick a liar.

The next day the verdict is read... and Linda is guilty-as-charged.  Her punishment... exile!  She, again, loses her cool... and proceeds to lash out at everyone around her before going off-planet.

Richard Malvin is later sworn in as President... and wouldn'tcha know it, all of his new appointments have ties to A.R.M.!  It's almost as though he... nooo...

Turns out Malvin was in cahoots with the baddies all along!  The government begins to fall apart... the Constitution is burned... and rabble-rousers are set to be executed!  A.R.M. doesn't mess around!

The attempt to hang the subversives... fails.  The ropes snap.  No worries, we'll just line 'em up for a firing squad... only thing, that doesn't seem to work either.

Turns out Supergirl has returned to Gaea to take down A.R.M. (I keep typing A.I.M.). We learn that this was all a dupe by she and her lawyer... and she explains that her absence was so prolonged due to some crisis in space.

The Gaeans are overjoyed, and we wrap up with them holding a ticker-tape parade in her honor.

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Okay... this was a lot of fun(t).

I don't know why, but I'm tickled at the idea of Allen Funt just terrorizing (and annoying) anybody who happens to fall into his path.  Dude seems like he could be a great Silver-Age super villain, don't you think?  People just trying to mind their own business... get pranked, humiliated... Funted.  I think we need an Allen Funt/Mr. Mxyzptlk crossover.  I think I'll put that in my "good idea" fan-fiction folder.

I only wish a few of these pranks occurred without cameras present... just to show Funt as an impish jerk who messes with folks for his own amusement.

The big "Superman is Clark Kent" reveal... ehh... suitably silly I suppose.  The explanation kinda neglects the fact that, ya know... Superman and Clark Kent look exactly alike, and this could only draw more attention to that fact, right?  I mean, Lois is already suspicious... and seeing him in half-dress, regardless of the flimsy excuse, is going to be a difficult image to forget.  Kinda like a lawyer telling a jury to dismiss something horrible they'd just heard about a defendent.  It just ain't that easy.  Then again, maybe I'm just thinking too hard.

Speaking of lawyers... we also have that Supergirl back-up.  It was, um... pretty good as far as backups go.  Being a fella who complains about decompressed storytelling, it would be silly for me to rattle the cage on a very compressed story, right?  Well... I'll just say that it felt like this one could've used a few more pages to "breathe".

Overall... had a great time with this.  Doesn't look like it's been collected... nor has it been made available digitally.  If you happen to come across it... definitely consider giving it a grab.

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Letters Page:

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Fun Stuff:

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Superman #204 (1968)

Superman #204 (February, 1968)
"The Case of the Lethal Letters"
"The Duplicate Superman!"
"The Fortress of Fear!"
Writers - Cary Bates & Otto Binder
Pencillers - Ross Andru & Al Plastino
Inkers - Mike Esposito & Al Plastino
Cover Price: $0.12

Here's one from the... "hey, that's a pretty neat cover" collection!  I really considered bolding every single "L" in this piece... before thinking "hey Chris, that's probably a bad use of your time..." (not that that's stopped me before).

Anyhoo, let's find out what lurks behind dem Lethal L's!

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We open on one of those Silver Age skip-aheads that usually wind up spoiling most of our story.  Here it's doesn't really spoil much... just that Superman has decided to hang up his cape!  An unseen figure standing in the foreground comments that everything is going according to plan.  But... how did we get here?  Well... Clark Kent was a special guest on the popular television talk show, "Point Blank".  Suddenly the host, Lorraine Delon goes into a trance... and delivers a message to Superman that he must quit fighting crime... or else those closest to him will pay the ultimate price!  Clark ain't buyin' it... nor should he.

After the show, Clark starts to head home via Metropolis' brand-new monorail.  While there, he runs into his old friend (and current TV reporter) Lana Lang.  He allows her to board first... however, no sooner does she step foot inside the rail-car, than the doors slam shut and it takes off at ludicrous speed!  Fearing a derailment, Clark Supes-up and saves the day... he is, however, unable to find Lana when the dust settles.

Clark... returns home for the evening, which strikes me a bit odd.  You'd figure he'd be hot on the trail of whoever kidnapped Lana... but, nah... he'll just head home and read about the abduction in the evening edition of the Planet.  His leisurely reading is interrupted by a telepathic message from Lori Lemaris... who's having her clock cleaned by a strange-looking (but happy!) undersea menace.

Clark supes-up again... however, arrives just in time to see Lori vanish.  Using his super-deductive skills, Superman figures that his foe's next target will be Lois Lane... because, ya know... LL initials.  It's all very scientific.

And so, the following day... instead of trying to rescue Lana and Lori, Superman spends the entire day flying the skies of Metropolis with Lois in his arms.  Lois is pleased to see that Superman's hunch didn't come true.  Welp, not so fast kemo sabe... suddenly a sniper takes aim, and blasts the skybound twosome.  The shot causes Superman to flail... and Lois to vanish!

It's now that we rejoin the opening bit, where Superman is about to announce his retirement.  Waitasec, isn't he out of LL friends?  Is he worried the bad-guy might get confused and kidnap Lex Luthor next?  Well, probably not worth thinking too hard about.  Anyhoo, it's here that we learn that the super-secret foe was actually... talk show host Lorraine Delon!

Before we know it... like seriously, I was afraid my copy was missing some pages... Superman bursts through a wall, and finds himself stood before a GIANT pair of L's.  Like, where would a bad guy even get something like this made?  Maybe Lex Luthor would be ridiculous enough to have a giant set of initials hanging about... but c'mon.  Anyhoo, the initials burst into flames... just like on the cover!  And yes, this will be very important.

We learn that the flames actually consist of something called Q-Energy... something strong enough to kill Superman (and will likely never be mentioned again).  Superman crawls toward the baddie, who removes her wig and glasses revealing herself to be... Lorraine Lewis!  Wait, who?  Well, Superman recognizes her... so that's all that matters.

While Superman lay dying, she (thankfully) fills us in on her backstory.  Ya see, she is a brilliant (female) scientist who had the hots for Superman... and so, she set to impressing him by helping him with his super-exploits... ya know, like creating a ray to send bad guys to the Phantom Zone!  Wouldn'tcha know it, while lining up her shot Lois Lane jumped in with some Gold Kryptonite to save the day!  Lorraine still sent Bal-Gra back to the Zone... but nobody was really paying attention.

Next, during an assembly introducing Lorraine Lewis's "healing ray" a lunatic pulls a gun and attempts to destroy it.  Before Lorraine could act, Lana Lang shoves the would-be shooter down.  Once again... another L.L. girl has stolen her thunder!

Finally... some stuff was going down unduh-da-sea... and by the time Lorraine arrived, Lori Lemaris and her Atlantean buddies have already saved the day.  I mean, c'mon Lorraine... they live there, of course they're going to get their first!  Anyhoo, now Lorraine's decided that if she can't join him... beat him (and ya know, take on a new identity and become a successful talk show host), and so... she created this nebulous Q-Energy.

Superman realizes that the warehouse they're in has weak floors... and so, with his last bit of energy, he bashes through them.  This somehow causes Lorraine to fall backwards into the Lethal Letters, where she disintegrates into a pile of dust!  Wow, that just got real.  Superman rescues his friends... and they happily skip off, thankful that justice has been done.

Well... if that wasn't strange enough, let's check out a Demand Classic, reprinting a tale from Action Comics #222 (November, 1956).  We open with the military testing a brand new Cobalt Bomb... which is apparently a hundred-times stronger than a hydrogen bomb.  Think about that for a second!  That's one big-ass bomb.  It's all moot, however... turns out the C-Bomb (that's what they call me when I breakdance!) was a dud (also, that)... and so, Superman is called in to retrieve it.  Of course, it blows up right in his face.

What he doesn't realize is that it also blew him into two separate beings!  This results in an unintentionally hilarious scene of the Supermen bumping into each other in an alley... testing each other's powers... and even bathing in hot lava to prove their superpowers.

It looks like they're both the real deal... however, upon deeper inspection, they discover that they're each missing a single power.  One cannot use his telescopic vision, and the other is missing his x-ray vision.  And so, they decide to name themselves... Superman-X (for the one with x-ray vision) and Superman-T (for he who can telescope his vision).  This is starting to feel like a story I would have written back in elementary school!  They also flip a coin to see who gets to be Clark Kent first.  Ay yai yai.

The winning flipper heads off to have dinner with Lois, where he "absent-mindedly" holds on to a match for too long, which should have burnt his skin... but didn't. Lois is convinced that Clark Kent is Superman... again.  Suddenly (the other) Superman arrives, mostly to make her look like an idiot... again.

Over the next few pages, each Superman is put in situations that exploit their one missing power.  This forces them to creatively use their remaining powers to get the job done.  These are some pretty neat scenes.  Along the way, Superman-T notices that his skin has began to tingle (I guess the T can stand for both telescopic and tingly... wow, that sounded vulgar).

Superman-T then goes on to steal a gold idol from the museum (with a $25,000 value!).  Superman-X hears the news from a radio broadcast, and decides to check it out and confront his imperfect dupe.

And they fight!

The banter might be the most painful thing here

Until Superman-T engages in some supertrickery to convince Superman-X that a fire rages in the distance.

Made ya look!

Now it gets weird... er.  Superman-T unwraps the gold idol, revealing it's lead casting underneath.  He makes a shield out of it... then flies into outer space to stop a Kryptonite meteor from crashing into the Earth!  Suddenly, Superman-X's telescopic vision returns... and he knows that his "other half" is no more.  He sheds a single tear... and I'm just confused.

Our final tale definitely doesn't live up to the two we just read.  Superman's having a "day off" at the Fortress of Solitude... only to find it's been taken over by... something.  Why, he can't even settle in for a game of Super-Chess with his terrifying humanoid assistant!

Before long, the entire Fortress has gone nuts.  Superman receives a warning from his Super-Computer... well, a partial warning.  Then the interplanetary zoo opens releasing all manner of beast!

The foe reveals itself as being from Pluto... the coldest outermost planet of the solar system.  Kind of thinking small here, no?  I figure Superman's met critters from further out than Pluto!  Anyhoo, this proclamation reveals the baddie's weakness... heat!

And so, Superman heat-visions it... loads it into an inescapable glass container... and hurls it into space where it can't hurt anybody ever again.  Another one of those "fates worse than death" that Superman loves to foist on his enemies...

What, no Phantom Zone Projector?

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Had more fun with this than I expected... even if the third story was kind of a dud.

Let's start with the first one, because I have the least to say about it.  I always wonder what's going on in a writer's head when they have Superman punish a baddie by imprisoning them for all eternity.  I've said it before, and likely will again... these punishments are worse than death!  Imagine that poor Plutonian today... still floating in space... in a glass tube.  No hope of escape... no hope for death (unless it can starve to death... and if that's the case, Superman comes off looking even worse!).

Some of the visuals at the Fortress were kinda neat.  I dig the idea of Superman settling in for some Super-Chess with some crazy robot... but overall, I could've done without this one.

Still working backwards, let's chat up our Demand Classic from the mid-fifties.  We could probably start with the question... could the planet survive this proposed "Cobalt Bomb"?  In my (ever so) brief research on the subject... it was kinda raised as a "thought experiment" on a theoretical "doomsday device" capable of ending all human life on Earth by physicist Leo Szilard back in 1950.  Yeah, yeah... this is comics... nevermind.

The fallout resulting in Superman getting a dupe reminded me a bit of Kryptonite Nevermore, wherein a Sand Superman emerges after a Kryptonite-Powered engine explodes in Superman's face.  I wonder if Denny O'Neil might've borrowed a bit from this story... eh, probably not.

We've talked before about how some of these old Superman stories really overcomplicate things... and this is no exception.  The ending... with Superman-T pretending to have gone rogue, so he could sacrifice himself is something that would've made Rube Goldberg shake his head.  Why go to such great lengths?  And... is the golden idol the only thing on the planet that contains enough lead to make a shield from?  Why not just go get some lead... make a shield, and fly into space without engaging with Superman-X?

I gotta say though... we didn't see a body for Superman-T.  I wonder if he's still out there somewhere... he might've been a better pick for Mr. Oz!  Definitely a deeper cut... but, if we're being honest... there are probably Superman clones littered throughout the Golden and Silver Age... I'm sure Superman-T ain't the best of 'em.

Our opening story was... this might sound mean... it really felt like something a kid might write.  Hell, all three of these stories feel that way.  That's not necessarily a bad thing, it just hinders a jerk from 2017's ability to fairly analyze them.

The LL's is something that maybe shouldn't have been mentioned in canon.  I mean, as fans, we all realize that much of Superman's cast... and most of his love interests have the same initials.  This didn't really need to become part of the story.  This would be like all the alliterative characters at Marvel getting snuffed out.  It's kinda silly... okay, it's completely silly.  That being said... I still had a blast. 

Speaking of "blasts"... wow, poor Lorraine!  I find it funny that watching a woman disintegrate into powder didn't seem to affect Superman, nor any of the LL's.  I'd figure I'd have to be hospitalized after seeing such a thing!  Instead, the good guys all skip happily away...

Gotta figure there'd be some explaining to do though, right?  I mean, Lorraine Whatsherface was a public figure... I think people might notice that one of the top-rated talk show hosts disappeared.  Again... this is just me thinking too hard/too much.

Overall... a really fun first two stories, with a dud for a capper.  Still something I'd encourage any Super-fans to check out!

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(Not the) Letters Page:

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