Scare Tactics #1 (December, 1996) "Blitzkrieg Bop" Writer - Len Kaminski Penciller - Anthony Williams Inker - Andy Lanning Letterer - Pat Prentice Colorist - James Sinclair Assistant Editor - Dread Kali Editor - D.K. Thorslund Cover Price: $2.25 I ever tell you about the time I passed up on an entire run of Scare Tactics that I stumbled across in a dime-bin? Either way, I guess I just did! No sooner did I leave the store than I felt a massive wave of regret. It's funny the silly things we regret... and those silly things we won't allow ourselves to forget we regret. Anyhoo, I'm slowly but surely tracking down all of those issues I'd passed up on all them years ago. In case you'd like some music to go along with your reading... might I suggest, inhumanifesto by... er, Scare Tactics.
If you're a listener of Chris and Reggie's Cosmic Treadmill... and really, why wouldn't you be... you might remember we mentioned that the writer of this very comic, Len Kaminski actually wrote and paid for the above recording... with hopes that DC Comics would distribute it as a "Bootleg" cassette tape alongside the comic. DC, for whatever reason (cost, probably... maybe the fast and loose use of f-bombs) passed on the idea. I wonder if they regret that? We're all about regret this fine day... and now, it's time to read Scare Tactics... and they're gonna "make you wish you were dead!" --
We open up... in traffic. A fella named Arnold Burnsteel is weaving his van in and out, nearly wrecking at every turn. Inside the van, we see that he's not alone. His passengers' faces are cloaked in shadow... but we get the distinct impression that they're kiiiiinda weird. It's not until they stop and unload that we see just what they're all about.
Nina, the Vampire-looking goth-gal pulls away from the group to explore her own "scene". Burnsteel suggests they stick together, but she ain't havin' it. I suppose we should reveal that she's not just "vampire-looking"... she's actually a vampire.
Nearby a roof-full of priests (sounds like the start of a joke) look on. They're on the trail of "Skorzeny", who I'm going to assume is really Nina... as they were sure she would return. Gotta wonder just how long these geeks have been hanging out on the roof "just in case".
Looks like Nina might've been the linchpin of our odd menagerie, because no sooner does she leave than two of the other members go their own ways as well. Jimmy (the green zombie dude) walks away spouting off about his "daddy issues", Jake decides it's time for him to return to his "lone wolf" ways (you'll never guess what kinda monster he really is). Phil remains at Arnold's side... which is kinda cool. What's a whole lot less cool is the fact that he just ate a lady's dog.
We now follow Nina into the SlaughterHouse night club. Worth noting, it's "Open Mike Night"... gonna assume they meant "Open Mic Night", but with a club like this... who knows? Jimmy the Zombie attempts to follow her in, but is stopped at the door. Doesn't he know that green skin is soooooo yesterday?
Next, we rejoin Jake... who realizes he's being tailed. He follows his nose to find one of the baddie priests... and he scares him up real good.
Meanwhile, Arnold and Phil are camped out at a Big Belly Burger. Burnsteel is waiting for an email from a fella named Jared... but it ain't coming.
Back at the SlaughterHouse, Nina is on the prowl. She sidles up to a pretty young thing at the bar, and flashes her pearly whites. Outside, Jimmy observes a gaggle of priests walking into the club (okay, now that definitely sounds like the start of a joke).
Over at Big Belly Burger, Jake rejoins Arnold and da big guy and informs them of their priestly problem. They decide to head to the SlaughterHouse to make sure Nina's okay. As they enter, an overweight Dee Snider-looking fella quits his band... leaving "Open Mike Night" one band short.
We rejoin Nina... who has just drained her latest victim. The priests arrive just as she's finishing up. She goes to attack, but is blasted by an ultra violet light. Before they can... I dunno, drive a stake through her heart or whatever, Jimmy the Zombie leaps in and bites the priest on the shoulder.
Nina and Jimmy rush into the crowd and stumble upon the rest of the group. The priests are closing in... and so, Arnold Burnsteel has an idea. The weirdos hop on stage and introduce themselves...
... as Scare Tactics, and they're going to make us all wish we were dead.
They start playing a rockin' tune... instigating a mosh pit, where the priests all get beat up.
We wrap up with Arnold suggesting they take this show... on the road.
-- Well, this was pretty fun. Not sure I necessarily feel the need to follow this series, but as a one-off, I had a good time with this... and might just come back for more. I definitely appreciate the "throw it at the wall and see if it sticks" post-boom era of DC Comics. We actually talk a great deal about that very era in a semi-recent installment of the Cosmic Treadmill... the same one where we mention the "bootleg" cassette, asamattafact.
Trying something different isn't always a good thing... but it often makes for interesting discussion. You gotta wonder what DC's plans for a book like Scare Tactics would be. Now, the issue itself... does a fine job of introducing us to the characters and establishing a threat. Since the bad guys are part of the "establishment", I suppose we're headed for a "monsters are people too" sort of scenario... which is fine. The added element of the monsters being a traveling rock band... well, that's just fun. The art here is good... but, uneven. I get a real Chris Bachalo vibe here... except when Williams is drawing "freak out" panels (like the Nina one toward the top). Those just look a bit "off". I know I use "OEL manga" as a descriptor for any time art looks a bit "off", but... I feel like it kind of applies here as well. Overall, being the curiosity that it is... I don't think I have any choice but to recommend at least taking a look at this one. It's definitely a side of the DC Universe we don't get to visit nearly enough. Unsurprisingly, this doesn't look to have been made available digitally... but it shouldn't be too terribly difficult to come across in the wild. Hell, you might even find it for a dime! -- Letters Page:
Underworld Unleashed: Patterns of Fear #1 (December, 1995) "Patterns of Fear" Writer - Roger Stern Penciller - Anthony Williams Inker - Andy Lanning Letterer - Pat Prentice Colorist - Patricia Mulvihill Editor - Dan Thorsland Cover Price: $2.95 I've been in kind of a Batgirl kinda place these past few days... been revisiting (and visiting for the first time) some of the more seminal moments for the character, Barbara Gordon or whoever is under the cowl. The issue we're going to talk about today was, obviously, part of 1995's Underworld Unleashed crossover where, per the cover copy, Oracle is going to face her ultimate temptation. It doesn't take a super genius to see where this one is going, right? --
We open at Oracle's Clocktower. She is narrating this piece, discussing the severe spike in crime and such oddities as five of the Flash's rogues dying... separately... but at the same time. There is certainly something strange in the air this night... and she soon learns that "that something" is... a poncy blonde dude in one of Wilson Fisk's suits... either that, or the horrid mullet she is sporting here.
He talks to her... rather calmly, but with a gravelly timbre. Her first instinct it to reach for her escrima sticks... however, no sooner does she grab them than they vanish out of existence. They reappear in the man's hands, as he tsk tsks her for acting so foolish. He tells her that he's not here for anything "sinister", rather he just wants a look into her files. Like, her Oracle files... no double-entendre implied...
From here we enter into a makeshift Underworld Unleased Secret Files and Origins bit. We learn a bit about some of the players in the story, and about some of the changes they had recently undergone. For those not in the know, this blonde fella is *spoiler alert* Neron... the Underworld Unleashed event consisted of him "powering up" folks in exchange for their, say it with me... mortal souls. As an example, I'll include an image of the "new look" Killer Moth for the dear reader's bemusement.
Now, it gets a bit wacky. We've got Oracle giving the fella a guided tour of her files. He asks who her sources are, which is really a strange question for someone as knowledgeable about the world as Ner-- the blonde guy. She picks up on this right away, but the thing of it is... yeah, Neron knows... he just wants to make her say it. He's a pretty messed up fella. Babs' response? Hold up a cross!
Neron's all "that's adorable" and plucks the crucifix out of her hand... he then turns it on her, and instead of Christ being on the cross... it's James Gordon. Yup, Neron's pretty messed up.
We go back into the Secret Files for a few more pages, and when we return, Barbara remembers that not all of her files are online (or on-line as this mid 1990's book says). It just so happens that she has a folded file that hasn't been uploaded (up-loaded?) as of yet... so she hides it behind her back. This, as you might imagine, does not work out so well. Neron poofs the files away like he did with the escrimas earlier.
At this point, Barbara knows for sure that the man in front of her is Neron... and she calls him out on it. This amuses him, and he dramatically sheds his Kingpin clothes and causes flames to surround him... which lasts for all of one panel.
We go back into the files, and Neron becomes curious. Her files are so exhaustive, yet... for whatever reason (wink wink), seem to be lacking in information on... the Joker. Why, clearly Barbara should know a thing or two about him, right?
Neron mentally tortures Oracle with images of the Joker and a pretty decent recreation of the events of The Killing Joke. As she attempts to flee, her wheelchair morphs into a grotesque arm and hand covered mess... holding her in place.
After another trip into the files, we return to see Barbara's wheelchair being held up by two Batgirls. Here is where the temptation begins. Neron wants to... hire Barbara as an "archivist" in exchange for, ya know... fixing her shattered spine.
She hesitates... and he only sweetens the deal. In addition to fixing her spine, he will give her invulnerability on par with Superman. He gets into real Billy Mays mode, and throws in yet another piece... if she joins him, he'll let her keep her soul! It looks like she might go for it for a moment... when he asks if they've got a deal, she gives a very... verrrrry 1990's, "We do........ NOT!", whoa... party on, Babs!
..... NOT!
Neron, actually being a decently intelligent villain just replies with a "Very well then." and rather than waste his time, turns to leave. This was certainly not the response Barbara was expecting, as she begins to protest... thinking the other show must be about to drop. Neron turns back and tells her he has no reason, good or bad, to deal with her any longer. He walks through the Clocktower wall, and out of Barbara's life. As he vanishes, she yells "Wait--!", perhaps because she wants more information... or... or, perhaps because she fears she just missed out on the deal of a lifetime.
-- Let's face it... this issue gave us the exact story we were expecting, right? Not a bad thing in the slightest... it was still very well done. Having Barbara faced with someone as powerful of Neron is a decent novelty. For all of her talents and intellect... there is literally nothing she can do to Neron. We get yet another call back to that story... ya know, The Killing Joke. I have no problem with this. I know a lot of folks do (especially lately, for whatever reason)... but, ya know... it's part of the character's history. It makes complete sense to cite it here, as the entire impetus for the "deal" is predicated on that story having happened. Neron would obviously use it to torment Barbara... considering he's trying to sway her to his side. Now... it's gotta be said... this is an ugly book. Like, really ugly... Barbara's mullet is truly a sight to behold, and that's not even the worst of it. It looks like a disposable backup story from an issue of X-Men Unlimited or something. That, along with the muddy colors and terrible mid-90's glossy paper makes this one a toughie to look at. I would definitely recommend this for the story and the "secret files and origins" bits... the art though... oy... it's a tough sell. I guess I can safely say if you come across this in the cheap-o bins, it's something you ought to snag... otherwise, it depends on your Barbara Gordon mileage. If you're a fan, you'll likely dig this. -- Interesting Ads:
