Action Comics Weekly #640 (Hero Hotline)
Writer/Colors - Bob Rozakis
Pencils - Stephen DeStefano
Inks - Kurt Schaffenberger
Letters - Agustin Mas
Editor - Brian Augustyn
It feels like just yesterday that we introduced the Hero Hotline into the rotation... and here we are, ready to bid 'em adieu! Guess that's just the name of the game when it comes to the four-part "Showcase Presents" features... no sooner do we get comfortable with 'em, they're yanked away.
Oh well, let's do it!
--
We open with the "Master Inventor" Roderick C. Broderick arriving at Hero Hotline Headquarters (HHHQ? Triple-HQ?). With him, he's got his dog, Astro... inside an impenetrable transparent box. Ya see, he just invented this plastic that is impervious to destruction... only, when testing it (by putting his pup into a box made out of the stuff), he forgot to pop any airholes into the thing. So, ya know... time is of the essence. Flex heads over to get a better look... and does his darnedest to bust the pup out... without any success. Thankfully, Diamondette is nearby to use her diamond-hard hands to slice through the adhesive holding the crate together, and setting the dog free. Astro then b-lines it to Roddy... and starts chewing on his lab coat.
We shift scenes over to the subway, where Hotshot and Stretch have confronted that one anti-smoking dude stalking the area with a squirt gun full'a gasoline. Since he won't listen to reason (imagine that), Hotshot pulls a distraction, and Stretch nyoinks the pistol away. Kinda underwhelming as a cliffhanger pay-off, but whattayagonnado?
We head back to HHHQ, where Ms. Melanie Boulder... the Siren of Satan, herself... arrives to express her gratitude for her new hero. Flex prepares himself for a hug... but, naturally, she stomps right past him and plants one on Private-Eyes. She also winds up joining the team, sorta.
Now, Boulder's got some problems... and I'm not talking about back pain... though, she probably deals with a bit of that as well. Ya see, since she was stuck in the frigid meat locker, it seems she's lost her voice. Can't put on a country concert without a voice, can ya? Well, lucky for her... Voice-Over has the ability to throw his voice, and mimic anybody! Ms. Melanie's agent is overjoyed... the show will go on!
This comic, however, will not. We wrap up with the Hero Hotline operators informing us that the story is over... but, not to fret because there's going to be a six-issue miniseries featuring the team before ya know it!
--
Gotta say... after last week's heavier-than-expected chapter, I was a bit let down by this. That was poignant, tragic... really strong stuff. Here? It's back to the funny ha-ha's, which isn't necessarily bad... but, just doesn't quite measure up to the expectations set last time.
What's more, there's really just not a whole lot more to say about it! It ties a neat and tidy bow on the arc, which is a good thing... but, doesn't really incentivize coming back for the promised miniseries. I suppose if you liked this, and want more of the same... you're good to go! If you wanted something more... well, no promises.
I don't want it to sound like I didn't enjoy this... because I did. There's a definite charm to this story, and these characters... however, after last week's exceptionally strong outing, it's hard for me not to be a bit disappointed.
Tomorrow: The... penultimate Supermanning!
Action Comics Weekly #639 (Hero Hotline)
Writer/Colors - Bob Rozakis
Pencils - Stephen DeStefano
Inks - Kurt Schaffenberger
Letters - Agustin Mas
Editor - Brian Augustyn
Y'all know what word I haven't used in a couple weeks now? Penultimate! As in, this is the penultimate chapter of Hero Hotline! Hard to believe things are moving this fast... and yet, here we are!
Let's do this... for the second-to-last time!
--
We pick up at the meat plant, where Flex and Private Eyes have come up empty on their search for Ms. Boulder. They call into SOOZ, who doesn't really have any suggestions for them. Private Eyes then realizes that the fella guarding that meat freezer door just happens to have a signed 8x10 of Ms. Boulder sticking out of his back pocket... but, how can that be if he hadn't seen her? Well, clearly the dude is lying. Sure 'nuff, Eyes peeks through the wall and sees the buxom country star shivering away. When they confront the old fogey, he... get this... brandishes a meat cleaver, and actually manages to do some slicin' and dicin' on Private Eyes' arm!
Flex kayos the creep and rips the freezer door off its hinges to save the "Siren of Satan". The old man is arrested, and everything's hunky dory.
We next shift scenes to the liquor store hold-up, where Voice-Over and Microwave Mom are trying to deduce whether or not this robber is the same guy who murdered M.M.'s husband, Martin one year earlier. As the baddie rants and raves, and threatens to do harm to his trio of hostages, V.O. uses his powers to throw his voice. Pretending to be God, he has a heart-to-heart with the robber.
The bad guy ain't buyin' it... and so, the heroes up the ante. Microwave Mom super-heats some of the bottles inside the store in order to give the guy a "sign". As the bottles pop their tops, the robber begins emptying his gun... into the bottles, of course. You really don't think anybody's actually going to get shot here, do you?
This dude's really losing his crackers here... and Voice-Over sees his opportunity. As the "Voice of God" he encourages the robber to confess his sins...
It's here that we learn that this guy was in fact responsible for the death of Microwave Mom's husband, Martin. And then... well, with his soul freed of sin, the robber proceeds to put his gun up to head, and...
Wow. He really did it, dinnae? V.O. tries to blame it on the fact that the dude was on drugs... but, it's pretty clear he knows what's really up. The Captain of Police rushes back into the scene... and all we see is the robber's hand... clutching a crucifix. With all of their super-powers, the Hero Hotline couldn't defuse this situation without casualty.
We wrap up with Hotshot and Stretch on their way back from saving yet another cat in a tree. A woman rushes toward them and asks for help. Ya see, there's a dude in the subway threatening to shoot another guy if he doesn't stop smoking. Stretch gets a closer look, and tells her not to worry... it's only a squirt gun. She confirms this, but reveals that this squirt gun... is filled with gasoline!
--
Well...
That was a fair amount heavier than I was expecting it to be. I'm really not sure how to even follow it. I guess we can just break down each beat.
First, we get some hackin' and slashin' at the meat plant. I gotta say, I wasn't expecting to see blood on that cleaver! That should have been a sign that this entire chapter was going to be a bit more intense than the others. I really dug the use of Private Eyes' powers here... he is able to take a look into his wound, and deduce whether or not it was something he needed to concern himself with. Naturally, you're going to want to stop the bleeding... but, he was able to tell that this wouldn't leave him with any permanent damage, which I thought was pretty cool.
At the end of the chapter, we get an anti-smoking advocate threatening to spritz gasoline on someone who refuses to stop smoking. Again... pretty heavy stuff... far more extreme than I would have expected to see here. We'll have to wait until next week to see how that works itself out... but, definitely worth noting.
Now... we gotta talk about the middle portion. Some really solid stuff here... and a little bit to unpack. We know that Microwave Mom's husband, Martin was murdered during a hold-up at a liquor store... and so, anytime there's a liquor store hold-up, M.M.'s ears are perked. Turns out, this time... the would-be robber was in fact Martin's murderer!
Voice-Over gets to use his powers of throwing his voice in order to get into the bad guy's head as the "Voice of God". The robber has an... almost literal... "come to Jesus" moment, when he becomes convinced that God is actually speaking to him. He reveals his greatest sin... killing Martin. Acknowledging his crime... clearing his conscience, he feels his only recourse is... ending it all!
Now, this is an act that doesn't only affect the robber... this is kinduva "stain on the soul" of Voice-Over and Microwave Mom too. If V.O. didn't push... didn't make this guy confess, it's likely that he wouldn't have killed himself. Ya see, it was that one step too far... the robber was already convinced that God was speaking to him... Voice-Over could have had him do pretty much anything at that point... including and especially, dropping his gun. Instead, he pressed for information.
There would have been plenty of time to interrogate this guy... or even pull the "Voice of God" gimmick on him at a later (and less armed) time. We can see that V.O. really feels this one... in that he tries blaming the dude's actions on the drugs he was taking. While the drugs might've dulled his senses a bit, I'm pretty sure we all know what really caused him to pull the trigger.
Microwave Mom seems a bit less affected... which, is to be expected. Sure, she had a hand in getting V.O. "into" the robber's head... but, for her... this was personal. There's likely some vindication in this dude blowing his brains out. When the Police Captain asks if there was anything they could have done to stop this, she outright says "no". It's an amazing amount of depth for these brand-new characters, who we've only spent a handful of pages getting to know. Really good stuff here.
Overall... I'd say if you're going to read one chapter of Hero Hotline... this probably ought to be the one you check out.
Tomorrow: A new arc for Superman?!
Action Comics Weekly #638 (Hero Hotline)
Writer/Colors - Bob Rozakis
Pencils - Stephen DeStefano
Inks - Kurt Schaffenberger
Letters - Agustin Mas
Editor - Brian Augustyn
So, who remembers all the members of Hero Hotline from last week? I mean, it's only like a dozen folks you've never seen before... or since! It's not that hard to remember 'em all, right?!
Okayokay, here's a quick-n-dirty for ya:
The big muscle-y guy is Mr. Muscle.
The dude with the eye-gimmick is Private Eyes.
The guy who can stretch is, uh, Stretch.
The girl with the diamond on her head is Diamondette.
The kid with the fire powers is Hot Shot.
The lady who looks like a mom is Microwave Mom.
The weirdo who can throw his voice is Voice-Over.
... and SOOZI-Q as The Beaver.
Easy peasy!
--
Picking up right where we left off, Diamondette is being held up by the geek with the razor... who proves to be nothing more than a minor irritant. Ya see, Diamondette works for Hero Hotline, and so it might stand to reason that she's got herself some super-powers. She hi-yah's the razor... rendering the geek unarmed. He immediately gives himself up. We can see that newbie, Hotshot is quite taken with Ms. Diana Theotocopoulos. Must be the Mr. Sinister-esque diamond on her forehead...
After the daring capture of the geek, SOOZ reminds Stretch that he's still got a cat to rescue from a tree. I tell ya what, these Heroes are always on-call. He nabs the newbie, and they head out for the save. Meanwhile, Mister Muscle and Private Eyes are still on the Melanie Boulder case. Turns out, she vanished while touring some meat freezers... ya see, she was about to start her "Meat is For Me" promotion. A woman after my own heart!
While Microwavabelle is watching some microwave recipes on Cooking Avec Craig, a call comes in regarding a robbery at a liquor store downtown. She and Voice-Over get the gig... and we learn that Microwave Mom's husband, Martin had been killed in just the area they're setting out to investigate!
Somewhere outside, Stretch and Hotshot find Nancy and Sluggo's cat. Hotshot (who gets his code-name here) decides that he'll give rescuing it a go.
He does this by... ya know, shooting the cat in the butt with his flames. Just like ya do. You'd figure it might be easier... and less dangerous... for the super stretchy guy to, super-stretch and nab the bugger... but, that's not how we do things here.
We wrap up back at the meat freezers, where Brother Bicep and Private Eyes are asking around about Ms. Boulder. They come across an old coot who refers to the lady as a "Siren of Satan"... before saying he hasn't seen her. The heroes leave... and we come to find that the old man was (gasp) lying! Melanie Boulder is on ice!
--
There's something to be said for "hand holding". Ya hear it a lot these days... much of our consumable entertainment gets grief for holding our hands too much. Look at video games, for example. So many "current year" games are written off as being 50% tutorial and 50% actual game. We never needed a pop-up to tell us to "Press A" for Mario to jump... or tilt your analog stick left to make him... ya know, move to the left.
I feel like this hand holding has, for the most part, made us dumber. It's like we now expect to have our hands held sort of as a guiding force for whatever we do. So, what's dumb bloggin' boy to do when he comes across something like Hero Hotline? Well, besides thinking way too hard for "deep" and thought-provoking analogies, he might just find himself struggling to find the best way to present everything that happens... in a way that allows a reader to appreciate the story, while managing to identify and follow the myriad of the characters.
To be perfectly honest, this feature might've been the one I was most looking forward to... and my most dreaded. I wanted to share this because, well, it's a lot of fun... and it's really, really weird. At the same time, it's a tough one to keep track of... it's kind of the comics discussing/reviewing equivalent of "herding cats".
Have I blathered on long enough without saying anything? Okay.
As a chapter, it's unsurprisingly, a lot of fun. I am really digging the weird veteran/rookie relationship between Stretch and Hotshot. I also appreciate Hotshot having the hots(hot) for Diamondette. Feels like they're, in a small way, "world building" here. We're planting seeds for future stories and potential relationships... and, to me, that's always a good thing.
We learn a little bit about Microwave Mom's past here. Her husband was murdered... which is something I didn't even remember. Her tag-team partner for this latest outing (Voice-Over) remains my favorite member of the team.
The Melanie Boulder sub-plot... is probably the one that will leave the biggest mark on the team (in the form of a new member), but... it's kind of the dullest thing going at the moment.
Well, we're at the halfway point for this feature... no sooner will we learn all these folks' names, than they'll be nyoinked out of our pages! Oh well, whattayagonnado? I hope you're all enjoying this one!
Tomorrow: The Fellowship... freed!
Action Comics Weekly #637 (Hero Hotline)
Writer/Colors - Bob Rozakis
Pencils - Stephen DeStefano
Inks - Kurt Schaffenberger
Letters - Agustin Mas
Editor - Brian Augustyn
It's Hero Hotline time! Otherwise known as the second-to-last Action Comics Weekly feature that I'll be sharing with you. There's only one "newbie" left... and that's Human Target (he'll be making a single appearance, in about four or five weeks.
This is also our third and final "SHOWCASE Presents" feature... even though it's not branded as such anywhere in the issue. Editor, Mike Gold referred to this as being a Showcase in an old letters page... and that's good enough for me.
This is also... one of the Action Comics Daily "cover brandings" I was most excited to show y'all. I mean, the rainbow letters are just a whole lot of fun!
Now, I wanna warn you... we're going to be dropped into the "deep end" here. There isn't much in the way of "proper" introductions in this story... it's more just a bunch of wacky hijinks from a bunch of wacky characters. We'll do our best!
For a little bit of context, you might take a peek at the first four parts of the Hero Hotline miniseries that I reviewed here ages ago. That series comes after this arc... but, it's basically all the same characters. Maybe one of these days I'll actually cover the last two issues from that run here! Can't remember for the life of me how I lost track of it!
--
We open with the fella we're going to eventually know as Hotshot reporting to work for his first day at the Hero Hotline. Being a spritely young eighteen year-old, his mother insists on coming along to check out the place. Like any teen-ager would be, he is pretty mortified. They see the folks we're eventually going to know as Mister Muscle... Flex... Mister Mighty... Brother Bicep (uh, this dude likes to change it up) and Stretch. The former has his hands quite full... and the latter is, well... an a-hole. They eventually run into the robot, who we will eventually know as SOOZIE-Q (or, 500-2Q, if you prefer). She isn't much help either... she just refers them to the TV Set in charge before checking in on Mr. Muscle/Flex/et-cetera.
As Miste-err, the big guy... interrogates the baddie he just brought it, he appears to get a little bit of lip. Turns out it's just the Hero Hotline member, Voice-Over... who has the ability to throw his voice. Ventriloquism powers seem pretty useful in the field, don't they? Suddenly, a job comes over the TV... turns out the famed country and western singer Melanie Boulder has gone missing. Melanie Boulder, it's worth noting, apparently has... large... uh, boulders. The fella get all excited about this gig, and even wrangle the fella we will eventually know as Private Eyes in on it.
Somewhere across the room, SOOZ is welcoming Hotshot to the team... he goes on to demonstrate his powers to control fire and what-not, which gets him a "talking to" from his mother. In response, Stretch... uh, stretches himself into a shovel, and scoops her out of the panel.
Hotshot gives Stretch a thank you pat-on-the-back... which is not appreciated in the slightest. In fact, Stretch absolutely loses his crap... and starts screaming at the newbie for... whatever reason. Ya see, Stretch is an old-timer... and doesn't seem to cotton to these kids walking in off the street to join "this business".
Next, we meet Microwavabelle or Microwave Mom... who, actually introduces herself by her code-name! How 'bout that! She demonstrates her powers by reheating Stretch's cuppa coffee.
Just then, another job comes in... a special one for Stretch. Now, if you have the ability to stretch, Plastic Man, Elongated Man or Mister Fantastic style... what better gig would there be for you than... rescuing cats from trees? Stretch... isn't amused. In fact, he absolutely loses his crap... again.
Elsewhere in the room, that Baddie that Flex brought in has managed to free himself from the interrogation chair... and is holding up the entire Hero Hotline with... uh, like a straight razor? Okay. Before he can escape, however... the girl we'll eventually know as Diamondette enters to announce that she's been accepted to Medical School! She doesn't get long to celebrate, however... because this baddie promises to give her a "close shave" if the gang doesn't cooperate!
--
Well... um... this would be what we in the biz call a "synopsizer's worst nightmare". A whole slew of crazy characters, off-the-wall action... and, ya know... zero in the way of context. Don't get me wrong, it's a lot of fun... but, the whole time I'm reading it, I'm worrying how I'm ever going to be able to actually describe it. Thankfully we have already discussed the Hero Hotline at this blog, otherwise... oi, I couldn't imagine how tough this would have been to get through. On a purely "synopsizing" level, that is... the story itself is a lot of fun.
I'm going to include some of the information included in lieu of a letters page at the end of Hero Hotline #1 (1989). It shares a bit more about the characters, and might make this a bit easier to digest. Click'em to make'em bigger.
So, where do we even begin? Maybe with just how odd it is to see a story like this in the pages of Action Comics? I mean, if you ask me, this is the sort of thing we should have been getting the entire time during the Action Comics Weekly experiment. There should've always been an "oddball" offering... a story/feature/arc that wasn't afraid not to play it straight. Something silly. It's crazy to consider that it's taken us this long to get a purely comedic/satiric story in these pages!
The characters we meet are wacky, but... even in these short and frantic eight-pages, we can already tell that they have that nebulous quality of "heart"... and I'm really looking forward to "meeting" these characters all over again with you. If I'm remembering right, they will be more-or-less fleshed out over the course of this arc, and we'll have plenty more to say about them as we proceed.
Tomorrow: Darkseid!
Teen Titans #46 (February, 1977)
"The Fiddler's Concert of Crime!"
Writer - Bob Rozakis
Pencils - Irv Novick
Inks - Joe Giella
Letters - Ben Oda
Edits - Julius Schwartz
Cover Price: $0.30
Ladies and Gentlemen... the countdown is on! As of today, we are one month away from our ONE-THOUSANDTH DAILY POST! Sooo, barring my getting hit by lightning... it looks like we're probably going to get there!
--
We open with a comparison of the Roman Colosseum... and the Long Island Colosseum (I'm guessing they mean Nassau Colosseum) where there's about to be a Battle of the Bands! Great Frog fans, don't get your hopes up... they're not playin'. The bands among the battle are Peter and Laura McCarthy and the Flyers... and the Woodworkers. Fans of 70's tunes will probably figure that we're looking at Wings and the Carpenters. Inside... the Earth-2's Fiddler is wrecking all sortsa havoc.
The Titans bust in, and after Mal toots on his wondrous Horn, the Fiddler changes tact. Instead of having everyone destroy their instruments, he starts them on a dance-off. Speedy fires some gas arrows into the mass of humanity... which only seems to enrage them. Roy and Mal wind up on the receiving end of a mosh pit stomp-down.
Meanwhile, back at Titans Cavern... the rest of the teen-age heroes talk about how their next headquarters should be on an island (hmm...). Then, Robin tells an awful joke before introducing their latest member... the *shudder* Joker's Daughter. Eesh, she really skeeves me out.
Speedy and Mal return from their beating, and report in that the Fiddler is on the loose. Kid Flash posits that this might be the same fella that the Flash fought on Earth-2. No duh, Wally. Then they see... Joker's Daughter. Yeeeeeeesh, just lookit her face. Ay yai yai... that must be what you see before you die.
We learn a bit more about the competitors in the Battle of the Bands. The Flyers... and the Woodworkers (oi). Turns out, neither band wants anything to do with the other. They agree to the showdown, so long as they never share the stage. If you're thinking this won't be important later... well, just wait.
Back to the Titans... the Creeper delivers some horrible news: The MacCarthy's have been kidnapped! The "fantastic" Fiddler is among the likeliest culprits. The Titans decide to look into it... otherwise, Great Frog might have to take their place in concert! What would be so bad about that?! Also... there's plenty more ghoulish smiling from Duela. Yeeeeesh.
Robin sends all of the Titans (sans he, Aqualad and J.D.) back to the Colosseum to take on the Fiddler. Upon arrival, they find that he's started a musical plague... calling forth rats, and bugs! Mal gives his horn a toot... and is reminded by the spectre of death that if he loses another fight... he'll die. A holdover from a recent run-in with Azrael (not that Azrael... or that other Azrael either).
Despite the Titans' best efforts... the plague continues. Roy gets a bad case of "ants in the pants", causing him to fire a (thankfully gimmicked) arrow right into Wonder Chick's back!
With the rest of the Titans downed... it comes down to a musical duel between the Fiddler and the Hornblower! Mal manages to win... saving not only his own life, but saving the crowd from being covered with vermin. The Fiddler takes off in his... uh, Fiddlemobile.
Elsewhere, Robin and Company are looking into the abduction of the McCarthy's. Their hotel room is in shambles... and there are two sets of footprints leaving the room via an opened window.
Robin locates the McCarthy's outfits (floppy hats and whatnot)... and has an idea. He asks Aqualad to pretend to kidnap Joker's Daughter... and during the reenactment, we can see that the footprints he leaves are deeper than those present. Robin's not so convinced that the McCarthy's have been nabbed. Before he can share his conclusion, they are zapped away courtesy of Mal's wondrous horn.
They arrive at the Colosseum... where they are informed by the rest of the Titans that the Fiddler has the Woodworkers atop the arena. Also, Joker's Daughter's face... uhhhh.
Once up high, the Titans are taken in by a Fiddler spell... they do-si-do for a bit, nearly chuckin' Mal and Duela off the roof!
When they "come to", the Fiddler calls in his Fiddlecopter (how many things did he manage to bring from Earth-2?!). While the team takes care of the chopper... Joker's Daughter uses her gimmicks to disarm the Fiddler... then she karate chops his funny bone to ensure he won't be fiddlin' with much for at least a little while.
All that's left for the Titans is solving the case of the Missing McCarthy's... only, Robin's already done that! Ya see, he takes the Woodworkers to a Colosseum closet... where he reveals the Flyers! The Woodworkers are sure they're impostors though!
And that's because... the Flyers are the costumed alter-egos for the Woodworkers! Ohhhhh... so, that's why they refused to share a stage.
That night, during the Battle of the Bands... the secret is revealed! And (allegedly) the world of Pop Music will never be the same again!
We wrap up with an epilogue, in which the Titans find their newest digs. Next issue promises the big reveal of the TT's Disco-Headquarters!
--
Okey dokey... well, this was something.
Such a weird little story, wasn't it? Bringing analogues for big pop-music acts is interesting. I'm not terribly familiar with either band outside of their hits... but I tried Googling to see if there were any rumors that Wings and the Carpenters were the same band. Couldn't find anything, but that doesn't mean that it wasn't a rumor at the time... I guess. This was all well before my time.
The action scenes were pretty well done, and fit the threat the Fiddler posed. Having the Titans distracted with a plague is probably a good idea... since, it wouldn't take much for them to beat up an old man with a fiddle.
Robin was able to flex his detective muscles here, which was also pretty cool... if not a bit convenient. I suppose most detective-y bits in comics are going to be convenient, so I shouldn't really harp on it.
We probably ought to talk about the Joker's Daughter. Yikes... just so darned unpleasant to look at. It's as though the comic was able to look into my soul anytime she was on-panel. Just... that face. Gonna have to sleep with the lights on for a few nights.
My biggest disappointment here is... we have a Battle of the Bands, and there was no Great Frog performance. I guess I just oughta be happy that they get a mention! Also... and more seriously, the art was a bit uneven.
Overall... ehh, this was silly, but fun. If you're down for a weird-o Bronze Age Titans romp (featuring the ghoulish Duela Dent), you'll probably dig this. I'd certainly advise against breaking the bank (or your back) to get this one though.
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Letters Page:
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