DC Comics Presents #67 (March, 1984)
"Twas the Fright Before Christmas!"
Co-Plot/Script - Len Wein
Co-Plot - E. Nelson Bridwell
Pencils - Curt Swan
Inks - Murphy Anderson
Letters - Ben Oda
Colors - Gene D'Angelo
Editor - Julius Schwartz
Cover Price: $0.75
Well, friends... we've survived another one! Three Annual Twelve Days of Christmas on Infinite Earths's's's's are in the books!
Merriest Christmas, and Happiest of Holidays to you and yours, Dear Reader!
To wrap up the event, we'll be revisiting one of the chapters from Christmas With the Super-Heroes #1 (1988) which we originally discussed way back on December 21, 2016 (as part of Super-Blog Team-Up, no less!).
Right now I'm probably about ten pounds heavier than I was when we started this event... so, let's get through the issue... so, I can jam a few more handfuls of cookies in my mouth while I still have the "it's Christmas!" excuse!
--
It's Christmas Eve in Metropolis... and Superman lands next to a bell-ringer Santa Claus and a young boy with a toy dart gun. He fires a little plunger dart that attaches itself to Santa's nose... and then appears to fall into a trance. He calmly demands that Santa hand over all of his money. Superman nabs the pop-gun and gives it the ol' x-ray once-over. Somehow it has a secret mechanism that hypnotizes the trigger-puller. Superman then wraps the boy in his cape, and heads off to the Fortress of Solitude for more testing.
He gives the kid a full eye-exam, and snaps him back to reality. The boy's name is Timmy Dickens, and he recounts the last thing he remembers. He was snooping around the house looking for his Christmas gifts. He found a dart gun and a starship... when he fired the gun for the first time, he fell under a trance.
Superman then puts him under yet another trance... which facilitates Timmy telling Superman what his post-hypnotic suggestion was... hey, whattayaknow... it's the Toyman. Blech.
Superman takes the tot and begins the flight back to Metropolis... somehow the kid is still holding onto the starship toy... which blasts Superman in the face with a green ray. This causes the Man of Steel to drop into the snow like a rock... knocking himself out, as though he were Hal Jordan in the vicinity of a bar of soap.
Some elves... yeah, we all know where this is going... show up and carry Superman off. We shift scenes to the Toyman watching his monitor... which somehow captured Superman falling into the snow. That's some bad-ass camerawork, no?
We rejoin a groggy Superman as he stirs back to life... before him stand several elves... and, yup... the big man himself!
Santa Claus gives Superman the grand tour of his top secret toy workshop. A particularly funny scene follows in which Superman sees the new 20th Century Santa Claus monitoring system. It's elves putting together the naughty and nice lists by watching the kids (and a certain Toyman) on computer screens. That's pretty funny!
Superman watches as the elves craft toys as he and Santa lament the loss of the simpler toys of Clark's own youth... which segues into a mention of a super-simple Kryptonian toy that took brain waves and made them into a hologram. Simple toys... just like that! Anyhoo, Superman mentions that he lost that toy when Krypton exploded... because, pre-Crisis.
Superman still can't quite fly yet, so Santa offers to give him a lift on his sleigh. Superman tries to fly... but, flops into the back of the sleigh anyway. They head to Toyman's toy shoppe, the Big Shott Toy Store, and Superman decides to crash on in.
What follows is... well, way too many pages of Superman fighting toys. I mean, this goes on for like five pages and is horribly dull until Santa finally trips the Toyman up with some marbles, like he was that kid in Home Alone. He did that, right? Seems like something he would do...
Anyhoo, Superman and Santa Claus win the day... and all that's left is to replace the hypnotic gifts with the genuine Santa-crafted articles.
Superman and Santa share a few more words before Timmy "accidentally" blasts Superman with the toy starship again. Oof. Superman wakes up to find Timmy sitting over him, wrapped in his cape... was the whole thing a dream?
Superman deposits the tot and head home to his Clinton Street apartment. Surely the whole thing was a dream, right? Well... upon taking off his cape, Superman notices that there's something stashed there... it's the hologram toy from Krypton! He flips the switch, and it's... Santa, wishing Superman a Merry Christmas!
--
Yeah... it's not the greatest of issues, but I can't help but to love it anyway! The Toyman, while incredibly lame, is really the perfect villain for this outing. I mean, who else could it be?
I mentioned this briefly during our look at this as a chapter of Christmas With the Super-Heroes #1, but I'm always going to be down with an issue that includes Santa, and doesn't flat-out dismiss him. Last year we took a look at the Larfleeze Christmas Special, which handled things a different way... and I hated that. I mean, the issue itself was fun, but I definitely did not appreciate the Santa-sitch.
Superman getting that toy he'd lost on Krypton was a nice touch. Really speaks to the magic of the Holiday. If you dismiss all of the silliness (and Toymaniness) this could be a top issue... it would also only be about three pages long... but, whattayagonnado?
Overall... I'm gonna say, if you come across this one in the wild, snap it up. I mean, who wouldn't want to have the novelty of Superman teaming up with Santa Claus (in continuity!) as part of their comics library? This issue is available digitally.
--
Letters Page:
--
Interesting Ads:
--
O' Christmas Tree 2018:
On the Twelfth Day of Christmas on Infinite Earths, I gave to you, DC Comics Presents #67, Superman (vol.2) #153, Spectre (vol.4) #12, Batman #598, Batman #596, Flash (vol.5) #17, Batman and the Outsiders #31, Captain Atom #13! Scooby-Doo! #139, Superman #369, Impulse #34, and a Flash (vol.2) #73 Discussion and Review. Merry Christmas, Friends!
1060
DC Comics Presents #71 (July, 1984)
"The Mark of Bizarro!"
Writer - E. Nelson Bridwell
Penciller - Curt Swan
Inker - Dave Hunt
Letterer - Ben Oda
Colorist - Gene D'Angelo
Editor - Julius Schwartz
Cover Price: $0.75
Superman and Bizarro?! Me am not interested. Please don't enjoy!
--
We open on Bizarro Earth where Bizarro Number One has just beaten up the Bizarro Justice League... and in only one sentence I have a pretty good idea how many times I'm about to type "Bizarro"... I'll try and rein it in. Anyhoo, from here we get some expositional chatter to fill us in on what Bizarro World is all about... which is followed by a bored Bizarro Number One creating a new "arch-villain" for the B-League... Bizarro-Amazo!
This Amazo proves to be different from the original by stealing super-powers from the Bizarro-Heroes and giving them to the unpowered. Kind of like a Bizarro Robin Hood. He starts by giving Bizarro-Aquaman's powers to the cowardly and powerless Yellow Lantern.
He bursts through the wall of the Bizarro-League's "satellite", which is naturally, a submarine. He continues his path of power-sharing by giving Bizarro-Lois Lane some superpowers.
This gives Bizarro Number One an idea. He decides to change into his Clark Kent duds, so Amazo will again endow him with superpowers... and it works! Amazo is pretty ticked by the subterfuge, and decides to fly to non-Bizarro Earth where there is only one Superman he can take the powers of. Number One gives chase.
We now shift to the "real" world, where it's business as usual at the Daily Planet. Jimmy's being annoying... Perry's being annoy-ed, and Lois tries to keep the peace. We learn that Superman and his long-time childhood friend Clark Kent are in Smallville dealing with a broken bridge. Jimmy is told to keep an eye out for Clark's return, which leads to him immediately finding... Bizarro Clark Kent! This totally proves to Jimmy that the real Clark Kent couldn't possibly be Superman. O-kayyy.
Number One explains the situation to Jimmy, who in turn alerts the real steel deal via signal watch. Moments later, Superman arrives and is filled in on the Amazo threat. To further punctuate the potential of the power-thief, Jimmy is suddenly endowed with great power (though the jury's still out on if they came with "great responsibility").
At the same time, Morgan Edge is given super strength, and Lana Lang (who is in her annoying "luv" phase) appears to have gained a bit of telekinesis.
Superman, Number One and Jimmy find Bizarro-Amazo flying over Metropolis, and decide to engage. Well, Jimmy's told to hang back, but the "Supers" look to pounce. They are both easily swatted away by Amazo... knocked through a nearby building. They then redouble their efforts... which also proves to be rather futile.
The blue and red clad pair fall back and hide behind a cluster of clouds. Superman knows they cannot beat Amazo head on, and will need to trick him. Before you can say "plot convenience" Superman has devised a plan! The first step of which includes hurling a(n abandoned) building toward the baddie. The pair immediately follow the throw with some super-speed shenanigans to make it appear as though Bizarro-Amazo might have lost a step.
Superman then goads Amazo into taking a swing at him. As the punch is about to make contact, he uses his super-breath to halt it. This makes it appear as though Amazo's punches no longer have any "oomph".
The third step is especially odd. As Number One starts punching Amazo, Superman uses his heat vision to hit Amazo's sensory centers to make it feel as though it's experiencing extreme pain. I mean, why not just start with that? Anyhoo, this convinces Bizarro-Amazo that by giving powers to civilians, his own powers have become weakened.
Bizarro-Amazo learns the error of his its ways, and proceeds to depower all the folks he had just moments earlier empowered. This includes Jimmy Olsen, who is flying right next to him. Fortunately (?) Superman is able to save the lad before he becomes an irritating pile of street pizza.
Bizarro-Amazo then heads back to the cubic Bizarro-Earth, where he makes everything right (wrong?) at least as it pertains to powers. He does refuse to depower Yellow Lantern, however... which vexes the faux-Jordan immensely.
Bizarro-Amazo proclaims himself to be the greatest villain in the history of Bizarro-Earth. Number One tells him that the biggest villains, Lex Luthor and the Joker have no superpowers... and so, Amazo decides to one-up them by... putting himself into suspended animation. Cute.
--
Now... I like the Bizarro concept. Think it's a fun little diversion every now and again, and one that sometimes brings a real feeling of danger. I mean, it's a broken backwards version of Superman, what's not to like? With that said... an entire issue of "Me am" dialogue? That's a bit rough.
I got about four pages into this... and had to kinda push the rest of the way through it. It wasn't a bad issue by any stretch... I just felt like the gimmick wore itself out pretty early. I don't think I'd ever be able to read more than one Bizarro story in a row.
The way Superman outsmarted the Bizarro-Amazo was pretty creative... though, as I mentioned above, if you could access his sensory centers... why wouldn't you just lead with that? I mean, even if you're not inflicting "real" pain or damage... the feeling of pain might just be enough to take down a threat. I suppose he had to make sure Amazo would make things right, power-wise... so fooling him might be more advantageous. I don't see Superman "torturing" Amazo into doing what's right.
The cover is pretty striking... and lets us all know that sticking the Joker on a cover regardless of how involved he is with the story within has always been a "thing". I'd be lying if I said that didn't get my attention... so, I guess I'm part of the problem!
Overall, if you're a fan of Bizarro... and can deal with "Me am" dialogue for 22 pages, you'll probably dig this. The art is great, and we get a whole slew of Bizarro cameos.
--
Letters Page:
--
Interesting Ads:
