Action Comics #319 (December, 1964)
"The Condemned Superman!"
"The Super-Cheat!"
Writer - Edmond Hamilton
Pencillers - Curt Swan & Jim Mooney
Letterer - Joe Letterese
Cover Price: $0.12
Our #Action100 Project is taking a pretty deep dive today... to over a half-century ago... and my tattered copy of issue #319 (as seen above).
It's funny to inspect the wear and tear on your old comics... the bottom of this bugger is really in disrepair. Hell, I think just by my reading it today I lowered the "value" a bunch. I had to train myself to turn the page from the top... because the bottom was far too brittle and would crack. The top, on the other hand... looks perfect! How weird.
Anyhoo... we're in for a two-fer today, so let's get right "two" it.
--
We open on the planet Lexor, where Superman is standing trial for the... murder of Lex Luthor! Now, a little background... Lexor's a sorta backwards world... not so much like Bizarro World or anything... but they see Lex Luthor as a hero... and, as such view Superman as something of a villainous bully. Anyhoo, Superman pleads his innocence... but the Lexorians don't wanna hear it. This brings us to a flashback showing what happened upon his arrival.
Ya see, Lex Luthor broke out of jail (again) and bee-lined it to a rocket base where he stowed away to the Red Sun planet of Lexor. Superman gave chase (also by rocket), and was greeted by a Lexorian hunter who would guide him to the city. Along the way, Superman almost walks into the path of a Madness Flower... that'll be sorta important later. The pair do, however, walk by a Truth Beast... triggering the hunter to reveal that he recognized the evil Superman... and was leading him toward a trap. Anyhoo... Superman finally arrives at the city (where Superman alarms are going off)... and he punches Lex in the face.
Lex hits the ground... dead. Superman is immediately arrested... and since this is a Red Sun planet, he can't do a whole lot to fight off the guards.
Back in court, we see that Superman has been assigned an attorney... one who seems like he'd rather be anywhere else. He asks Superman if he'd come to Lexor with the express purpose of murdering Lex Luthor... to which he replies no (duh). This causes a near-riot. The day concludes with Superman still proclaiming his innocence.
After the session, Superman is led back to his holding cell. Once he's found guilty, he will be quickly executed. To really hammer this home, we see another "convict" named Zim Zabo led to the "Stone Room", where he is... well, turned to stone. Bah golly, did we just watch an execution?! That night Superman dreams of the same thing happening to him.
The following day we return to court where Superman's lawyers try giving him an "out". They ask if he'd come into contact with a Madness Flower... in hopes that they could plea temporary insanity. Superman... tells the truth. Yes, he did see a Madness Flower, but he never got close enough to feel its effects. His lawyer is initially annoyed... however, then begins to come around. Superman had an easy "out", yet chose to tell the truth anyway.
After this session (the second of three in Lexorian tradition) Superman asks his lawyer if he can be released for the evening to do some investigating of his own. This request is obviously turned down. And so, that night... Superman and his lawyer do a bit of clothes-swapping.
Superman heads to Lex Luthor's Lexorian Laboratory... and comes across some pretty damning evidence. A bottle of "Coma Drug", which will put anybody who takes one into a five-day long coma... and a "Shock Restorative Chemical" spray to wake up anyone who's taken the Coma Drug. These drugs are conveniently labelled in English... however, it's cleverly explained that Lexorians can't read the language.
And so, Superman heads to the City Square where Lex is laying in-state (his body is on display under glass). Superman sprays his schnozz with the Shock-Chem... waking the bald baddie up. Lex comes clean about taking the Coma Drug in hopes of framing Superman for his murder.
The Lexorians soon gather around... and are convinced that Lex "accidentally" took the Coma Drug. All charges against Superman are dropped... and he heads back to Earth... leaving Lex behind?! Mission Accomplished?
Our second tale stars Supergirl... who is having quite a time with her school rival Donna Storm. Ya see, she's been cheating to get her super-marks, and now Supergirl's gotta figure out a way to reveal this... without revealing her secret identity. Sound silly? There's a reason for that.
We start in math class... where the students have been tasked with a tough assignment. Linda's little study circle invites Donna over to join them... but she declines. Using her x-ray vision, Linda sees that Donna is punching all of the questions into a *gasp* electronic computer! Looks kinda like a typewriter, which in my experience, was never much help with my math homework... but, whattayagonnado?
I was expecting something more like this...
Oh well. Point is, Donna's a no-good cheating cheater... Linda knows it, but there ain't a whole lot she can do about it. The next day we join the kids in Chemistry class. Their assignment has to do with undersea plant-life... and the chemicals needed to make them grow. After class, Donna ducks out and heads to her Daddy's Plastics Company... where she puts his lab men on the task. Of course, Linda's telescopic vision sees all.
Also worth noting, the Chemistry Professor seems to be getting the feeling that Ms. Storm might be cheating as well. The Dean, however, suggests he settle his tea kettle... the Storms are big-time patrons of Stanhope College.
That night, Linda uses her super-hearing (this is starting to get creepy, ya?) to listen in on Donna's study session. She is able to hear her reading aloud from a literature book. The following day, Donna is able to recite everything she'd read the night before. C-c-could Donna have super-powers too?! No silly, she has a miniature recording device stowed away in her earring. I mean, if she can come up with something like that, isn't she just wasting her time in college? She surely has one helluva future as an inventor... or super-villain!
We jump ahead to a Geology Field Trip, where the students are asked to search for valuable minerals... with the most valuable receiving the highest marks. That... hmm, that doesn't seem like a fair assignment, but we'll allow it. Anyhoo, Donna has stashed a chunk of gold ore behind her back (literally), so she could "find" it and score the best grade. To spoil this, Linda "supes up" and crushes some coal into diamonds. Hmm... I'm not sure that's not cheating. Worth noting, Linda actually changes into her Supergirl costume to do the crushing... which feels like a bit of overkill.
Then... Biology class... good gravy, how many credit-hours are these kids taking?! Donna sets to cutting out pictures of undersea life from some very expensive texts... figuring those would be of the highest quality... and surely impress the Professor. Linda again spoils her fun by having Supergirl show up with a "glass classroom" to take the entire class unduh da sea... where they get a lecture from Lori Lemaris. I wonder if this hurt Linda's grade any... since, for all her Professor knows, she was a no-show.
We're not done yet... we've saved the craziest class for last... History. The assignment is a simple essay... now, rather than actually read the textbook, Donna... flies to Hollywood... yes, really... to talk to a director working on a movie about the War of 1812.
Supergirl ups the ante by... taking the entire class back in time to witness the duel between Alexander Hamilton and Aaron Burr. Hell, Supergirl even attempts to get involved and change the outcome (!)... but it's to no avail.
Back in the present, Donna's essay gets a big fat "F"... turns out Hollywood took a few liberties with the real story of the War of 1812. Anyhoo... that night, Donna sneaks into Linda's dorm in order to plant some stolen jewels (yeah, this has really escalated!). The following day, they are found... and Linda is expelled.
On her way out, Linda runs into Donna... who admits to everything. "Yeah, I framed ya... whaddaya gonna do about it?" sort of stuff. Unfortunately for her... she's still wearing those transmitter earrings... which somehow broadcast their entire discussion on the public address system. Whoops.
Now, I know what you're thinking... how did the earrings do that? Well, wouldja believe... the Legionnaire Shrinking Violet had stowed away in one?
We wrap up with a full explanation of what Shrinking Violet did... and the expulsion of Donna Storm, who likely went on to a minimum wage job and a diet-pill addiction.
--
So... yeah, the Silver-Age is pretty incredible, ain't it?
I'll admit, probably like a lot of folks my age... I'm working backwards on my comics library. Where my collection (and working knowledge) gets sparser the further back we go. So these Silver-Agers still have quite a bit of novelty to me. So, apologies in advance if I come across a bit gushy or incredulous.
Let's start with our first story. Man, how weird is it that we have a planet of Luthor-lovers out there? I will say I would expect them all (even the women) to be bald in tribute... but, whattayagonnado?
I appreciated Superman sticking to his guns and remaining honest during the trial. He was offered a very easy "out" and decided against it. This was important in that it allowed his lawyer to witness his character... and facilitated him not really putting up a fight when Superman decided to try the body-swap gimmick later on.
I gotta wonder... what would've happened if he went to Luthor's lab and found... nothing? Would he have just returned to his cell, or would he have made a run for it back to the rocket base? I know what I would've done... but, lemme tell ya, I ain't no Superman.
I did kinda smirk when the Lexorians refused to accept that Lex took the Coma Drug on purpose. Yeah, sure... he accidentally took one of those pills from the bottle with the strange Earthen-language label. Aye yai yai.
Still, this was a lot of fun.
Onto the back-up... which, wasn't so much a back-up as a co-feature. I feel like they were similar in length. This was a hoot! So silly... so dumb... but, so much fun.
The stakes really couldn't be much lower for a Supergirl story. There's a mean girl at Stanhope who is cheating and using her last name to weasel her way out of any trouble she might find herself in. This irks Linda... and so, she decides to mess with her. I mean, that's about it... Linda/Supergirl is screwing with this girl simply because she can!
Not that what Donna's doing is right... or even wise, but when we break it down, what Linda's doing ain't all that much better! I mean, she's using her powers to give herself an edge, right? It's not every student can take the class on an undersea field trip... or back in freaking time. What a crazy story!
And... looking at it even closer, every time Supergirl arrives she's all "Linda sent me" and nobody thinks to ask, "Oh yeah, Linda... where is she anyway?". Also... if Linda isn't present for these field trips... how is she getting any credit in class? Yeah, textbook overthinking... but, it definitely stuck out to me.
The ending with Donna being expelled... aye yai yai... I guess the punishment ought to fit the crime, but I gotta say... this rivalry escalated much higher than I figured it would! I assumed they'd make nice by the end... Donna would see the error of her ways and sheepishly try and join Linda's study group. But, noooo... she just gets the boot! How crazy is that?!
Overall... this was a ton of fun. I really need to try and work more Silver Age books into my reading-rotation. If you can get your hands on this for a decent price, definitely do so. The lead-off story has been reprinted in The Best of DC Digest #27 (1979), and the back-up has been collected as part of SHOWCASE Presents Supergirl, Volume 2 (2008). Somewhat surprisingly, this issue is available digitally as well!
--
Letters Page:
--
Fun Stuff:
--
Interesting Ads:
741
Superman #215 (April, 1969)
"Lois Lane... Dead... Yet Alive"
"Superman's First Exploit"
Writers - Otto Binder & Edmond Hamilton
Pencillers - Curt Swan & Wayne Boring
Inkers - Jack Abel & Stan Kaye
Colorist(s) - unknown
Letterers - Ben Oda & Pat Gordon
Cover Price: $0.12
Welcome, one and all... to Earth-215, where we ignore the words "Imaginary Novel" on the cover and just accept that this story is occurring on one of the Infinite Earths in the pre-Crisis DC Multiverse.
I might need to explain.
These past few weeks to coincide with our Cosmic Treadmill podcast's FIFTIETH episode, we wanted to do something special. We decided to celebrate our fiftieth by discussing... DC Comics' fiftieth. Part of our research demanded we dive headfirst into the Infinite Earths... and by using a number of resources, including The Crisis Compendium which came as part of Crisis on Infinite Earths: The Absolute Edition (2005) we learned just how many formerly "imaginary stories" were designated their own Earth!
One of those we're going to discuss today... but it's hardly our first.
We learned...
Prez actually occurred on Earth-72.
Superboy #134 (December, 1966) occurred on Earth-134.
The Super-Sons stories occurred on Earth-216.
Captain Thunder from Superman #276 (June, 1974) hailed from Earth-276.
The Inferior 5, Jerry Lewis, and Bob Hope hailed from Earth-11... or was it Earth-B?
Hell, it was even suggested by Mark Evanier that post-Kirby Fourth World stories all happened on Earth-14!
... but who knows...
For all the pre-Crisis DC Multiverse you can stomach... and then some, please check out our episode of Weird Comics History where Reggie and I break it down!
Oh well, let's add another Earth to our seemingly infinite pile.
--
We open on a funeral scene... Superman and pals (and daughter!) are huddled around tombstone of... Lois Lane! The dialogue here is kinda wacky... and hard to play straight. We learn that Superman was married to Lois... that's right, Superman... not Clark Kent. Jimmy and Perry are like "Ooh, he's taking this hard", well... no kidding. In a bit that is pretty heartbreaking, Superman and Lois' daughter, Lanie attempts to jump onto the casket as it's being lowered into the ground to say goodbye one last time.
Superman reveals that the burial is purely symbolic... as when Lois perished, there were no remains left to be buried. Okay, now get ready... this is supposed to be a tragic scene, but it's just too wacky. Superman and Lois are sitting in their living-room... Superman's reading the paper (in costume) while Lois knits. Supervillain, the Dimension Master pops his head in the window and (after announcing his arrival) proceeds to fire his blast ray at Superman. The blast ricochets off of Superman's chest and vaporizes poor Lois. Well, this probably isn't the story you want to share with your super-powered tot of a daughter... because now she wants revenge!
Superman scoops Lanie up and tells her they're going to head to the Fortress of Solitude to live... and they'll play "super-games" and have "loads of fun", even without Lois. I don't know whether to cry or nervously laugh... so weird! After a few attempts by Lanie to use the Fortress's giant key, they enter. She goes straight to playing on the super monkey bars, and asks what's behind a particular door. Superman tells her that she cannot enter that room, no matter what... and even puts a Superman robot at the door to ensure she doesn't. Talk about Chekhov's door... or a reference I get wrong every time I use it!
Later, at the Daily Planet Perry asks Clark to assist in putting together a scrapbook detailing the Superman/Lois Lane romance so they can present to the Man of Steel as a gift. He puts on a brave face, as to not cry and reveal that he really is Superman. I mean, I don't get it... it's pretty clear that (to the civilians) Clark had the hots for Lois... plus, they were friends, I don't think shedding a tear or two would be the big tip-off... but, whattayagonnado?
Over the next year Superman raises Lanie at the Fortress, and they have all sorts'a Wintery fun. Giant snowmen, sleigh rides, Krypto even gets in on the action. After a year has passed, however, Superman presents Lanie with a special gift... a robot Lois!
In the days/weeks... I dunno, in the time that passes, Superman begins to fall in love with Robo-Lois. They have a few make-out sessions, and Superman flies to the highest peaks to procure a bouquet of rare flowers. It's not until he looks at that scrapbook the Planeteers made for him that he remembers that the real Lois had died.
Luckily to keep his mind off of things, there is some Super-business to be attended to in Metropolis. It's of the utmost importance that he... judge the Miss Metropolis pageant. Aye yai yai. Perry White even suggests he might just find the next Mrs. Superman there!
While there he sees... Lois Lane! Whaaaa? He investigates further with his x-ray vision and learns that she has the same signs of having broken her left forearm... it's gotta be Lois! Superman flies over to her, and it's revealed that... No, it's not Lois... but the wife of Dimension Master, Chameleon Queen!
The Dimension Master pops in to mock the mourning Man of Steel. Their sole purpose in life is tormenting Superman... which isn't very cool. It's so uncool, in fact, that Lex Luthor and Brainiac show up to take them down! Wha--? Lex and Brainiac tell Superman that they're not friends... but they respect him! They snap up the baddies... er, the other baddies... and take them to the Space Police Headquarters!
Back at the Fortress, li'l Lanie is getting super-curious about what could be behind that one verboten door. She concocts a plan where she sends a doll that looks like her flying into the Super-Lab, starting a fire! The Superman robot runs in to check on her, leaving the door unguarded. Lanie enters, and what she finds is... Kryptonite! Ruh-roh. She proceeds to dig through the Red variety.
Superman returns home just as Lanie is vanishing from sight. He rushes to hook the Red-K up to the Super-Computer to see what effects it might have. Remember, Red-K is unpredictable in how it messes with a Kryptonian. He learns that Lanie was sent to a parallel Earth (Earth-43, even!). And so, Superman exposes himself to the stuff... and away he goes!
He finds Lanie in a South American jungle... and snaps her up to deliver her to this Earth's Fortress of Solitude. While on the way, a thought pops into his head... perhaps on this Earth, Lois Lane is still alive! Annnnnd, she totally is!
She still works for the Daily Planet, and is set to test out a "Gill Serum" which will allow her to breathe underwater for several hours. Sounds like a good idea for a story, I suppose. She heads unduh da sea, and runs, err swims right into a giant squid! Luckily, Superman is nearby to save her... and immediately propose marriage! She's totally down with it... which is all well and good, buuuut, what Superman has forgotten is... there's probably another Superman on this Earth too!
It's not long before Superman meets Superman... and Superman tells Superman... err, make that Superman-215 (the one we've been following all this time) tells Superman-43 (more on him in a bit) all about marrying, procreating with, and losing Lois on his Earth. Superman-43 has zero interest in marrying Lois... and tells Superman-215 that he'd best do whatever he can to "get him out of this"... just wait.
Superman-215 marries Lois and takes her to the Fortress of Solitude, where he drops the next surprise in her lap... hey, guess what Lo', you've got a daughter... that looks just like you... and is named after you! Lois immediately accepts this new reality and agrees to adopt the super-tot. What she doesn't know is that this isn't "her" Superman.
Ya see, the Superman of Earth-43 decided to switch places with Superman-215... and we leave him wondering if Lana Lang might be available on this Earth.
Think we're done? Nope... we got a back-up to discuss! Here we meet Dr. Reece Kearns, a scientist who is desperate to know the first exploit of Superman. This causes Superman's super-sense to tingle. Why would some scientist want to know, if not to suss out his secret identity? He refuses to play ball and answer any of the doc's questions.
And so, Kearns heads to... where else, the Daily Planet! They set up a contest to see who can name Superman's earliest exploit. In the days that follow, stories of Superman's early feats begin rolling in... was it a mobbed-up warehouse robbery he foiled?
Or maybe it was saving a metal refinery from being coated in molten steel? By the way, this flashback might feature the first time (canonically) that someone refers to Superman as a "Man of Steel".
Back at the Planet, Perry's all "Doy, Superman was Superboy first... maybe we oughta ask people in Smallville." Yeah, no kidding, Chief! A story comes in about a super-powered tot tipping over a lamppost. Surely, that's Superman/boy/baby's first feat!
But no. No, it's not. Superman flashes back to... that fateful day where he was loaded into a tiny rocket and blasted off the doomed planet Krypton. Along the way... and he was playing with his toys the entire trip... he becomes distracted by a shiny light on an meteor. Soooo, he ejects himself from the rocket and hops onto it to check it out.
On the meteor stands a... crystal-looking insect. Superbaby punches it on the nose and sends it flying before hopping back into the rocket.
Turns out, this is all Dr. Kearns needed to know! Ya see, that meteor was on a collision course with Earth... until it was knocked off target by Superbaby. Kearns had already informed the media that the meteor was coming, and started a false-panic which branded him a hoaxer. Now that the truth is out, he can return to his good standing in the scientific community... all's well that ends well!
--
Whew.
Okay, lots to unpack here... let's get the convoluted stuff out of the way and try to untangle Earths 215 and 43.
Alright, referring back to The Crisis Compendium, Earth-43 first appeared in Superman's Girl Friend, Lois Lane #43 (August, 1963). In it, Earth-One Lois was struck by lightning and sent to an alternate Earth in which she witnessed Superman and Lex Luthor both dying in battle. The Superman Emergency Squad hits the scene and replaces the dead Superman with a Kandorian double... or maybe a robot... either way, the world went on believing Superman to be alive.
Still with me? Okay... so, today's "Lois Lane... Dead... Yet Alive" story takes place on Earth-215. We see Superman, by way of Red-K, shifted to an alternate Earth... which is Earth-43. While there he meets and marries the Lois Lane of that Earth, and also trades places with... the Kandorian Superman Dupe. Sooo, this "imaginary" story ends with Superman-215 shifting to Earth-43 and marrying Lois Lane-43, while Kandorian Superman-Dupe-43 leaves to go to Earth-215. Easy as pie, right? Nevermind that folks on Earth-215 might start to wonder what happened to Lanie... that's a problem for someone else!
Whew (again).
Okay, on to the stories themselves. I gotta say, as silly as they were, I had a blast reading them both.
I've said it before, but my Silver-Age DC game is kinda weak. These are written so matter of fact... I mean, Dimension Master literally pops his head into the window at Superman's house! How in the world does that happen? I guess it serves to further illustrate the danger should Superman ever "take a wife"... but still, funny as all get-out! The dialogue too... so weird, but so fun. In Lois' dying breath she mutters "Goodbye, Superman, my darling... Shhhhh!" I mean, really.
It's hard taking this story as being as tragically sad as it's supposed to be because of how silly it is. I mean, a daughter not reacting well during her mother's funeral... that's absolutely heart wrenching... but the way they do it, it comes across as silly. Though, of course I doubt Mr. Binder was expecting some dude in his mid-30's analyzing this almost a half-century later.
Let's talk Luthor. I almost laughed out loud seeing Lex and Brainiac being all "Not cool, man" to the Dimension Master. So wild!
Jumping between dimensions really was no big deal back in the day, was it? I mean, Red-K always has an unpredictable effect... but, I wouldn't expect dimension-hopping to be among them. Gotta wonder if someone at DC pulled a Peter Sanderson and read the entire output today... how many more "infinite Earths" would be discovered and could be added to the pile? I'm guessing a bunch!
The business on Earth-43... just as silly as the rest. I can't get over how quickly Lois just accepts everything. Wanna get married? Sure! Wanna adopt my daughter? No prob! Plus... I mean, the "other" Superman, who as of 1969 was intended to be that Earth's actual Superman, was cool with leaving! Now that's a whole 'nother level of altruism! Good thing he had the hots for Lana Lang instead of Lois!
I could go on for awhile... but I think I've already gone on long enough... and we still got the back-up!
And so, "Superman's First Exploit". I think in all the "zany Haney" madness we forget about folks like Edmond Hamilton... this fella might be just as "out there". Throughout my past several weeks of "infinite Earth" research, I found that so many of these formerly "imaginary" stories added to the canon were written by Hamilton. His stuff even dwarfs Haney's... though, to be fair, much of the Zany one's work was shuffled into Earth-B (a semi-serious Bob Rozakis idea for a depository for Haney stuffs).
This backup was... ya know, silly... and actually adds something to Superbaby's trip from Krypton to Earth! That's a pretty big deal, right? Eh, probably not... but still neat.
Overall, this is a wonderfully fun and mind-bendy (if you let it be) issue. The lead story has been reprinted both in Best of DC Comics Blue Ribbon Digest #19 (December, 1981) and in the Superman in the Sixties trade paperback. The back-up is actually a reprint from Superman #106 (July, 1956). Unfortunately, this issue is not yet available digitally. A pretty glaring omission to me... I don't see why this wouldn't be. Anyhoo, if you can find it... it's definitely worth your time!
--
Letters Page:
--
Interesting Ads:
551
It's funny to inspect the wear and tear on your old comics... the bottom of this bugger is really in disrepair. Hell, I think just by my reading it today I lowered the "value" a bunch. I had to train myself to turn the page from the top... because the bottom was far too brittle and would crack. The top, on the other hand... looks perfect! How weird.
