Chris and Reggie's Cosmic Treadmill, Episode 70: Christmas With the Superheroes #1 (1988)

Chris and Reggie's Cosmic Treadmill, Episode #70

Christmas With the Superheroes #1 (1988)
"Wanted: Santa Claus - Dead or Alive!"
"The Man Who Murdered Santa Claus!"
"The TT's Swingin' Christmas Carol!"
"Star Light, Star Bright... Farthest Star I See Tonight!"
"Twas the Fright Before Christmas!"
"The Silent Night of the Batman"
Writers - Denny O'Neil, Len Wein, Bob Haney, Paul Levitz, E. Nelson Bridwell & Mike Friedrich
Pencillers - Frank Miller, Dick Dillon, Nick Cardy, Jose Luis Garcia-Lopez, Curt Swan & Neal Adams
Inkers - Steve Mitchell, Dick Giordano & Murphy Anderson
Letterers - Ben Oda
Colorists - Glenn Whitmore, Helen Vesik & Jerry Serpe
Editors - Len Wein, Julius Schwartz
Cover Price: $2.95

Keeping our Christmas on Infinite Earths... in July festivities rolling along, today I'm sharing Reggie and my first Holiday special... DC Comics' Christmas With the Superheroes #1 from 1988.


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This was one of our longer episodes... as we were looking at like skatey-eight hundred creators and a half-dozen stories.  This was also my longest ever blog post to that point... and, actually, it very well still might be!  I still haven't published that "full-length" Bizarro World piece yet, so I think this one still might take the length-crown!

With that said... Just as with yesterday, if podcasts ain't your thing, there is a text-n-pics variation on this discussion that you can check out if you decide to click the cover below!  While you're at it, you might wanna check out my discussion of Christmas With the Superheroes #2 (1989)!

All Star Batman & Robin the Boy Wonder #2 (2005)

All Star Batman & Robin the Boy Wonder #2 (November, 2005)
"Episode Two"
Writer - Frank Miller
Penciller - Jim Lee
Inker - Scott Williams
Colorist - Alex Sinclair
Letterer - Jared K. Fletcher
Assistant Editor - Brandon Montclare
Editor - Bob Schreck
Cover Price: $2.99

After reading the first issue of this series yesterday, I sez to myself "Self... if you're going to cover All Star Batman and Robin, you're gonna have to talk about that Gee-Dee issue."

And so, here we are...

--

We pick up shortly after we left off last issue... Batman has nyoinked Dick Grayson into the Batmobile... and is trying to, get this... put him to sleep with knockout gas.  Elsewhere, Alfred is attending to Vicki Vale's injuries... apparently they were in a wreck?  I don't recall seeing this happen last issue... but, whattayagonna do?  Vicki remembers everything that went down... and we get the first few "Gee-Dee"s of the issue.

She flashes back to The Flying Graysons being murdered at the circus... the youngest Grayson being swept away by the Gotham City Police... then, the poor tot being kidnapped by the Batman.

Then... she passes out, in the most melodramatic way possible.

Back to the Batmobile... where Batman is surprised to learn that this kid actually shrugged off the kayo-gas.

Dick asks what's going on... and just who the hell this Bat-dressed-man might be.  Batman... smiles a creepy smile, and refers to Dick as both a "punk" and "my ward".  This really isn't a good look.  This Batman is a complete psychopath.

Then... we get that panel.  You're welcome (and, I'm sorry).

As Batman informs Dick that he's... either the best friend he'd ever hope to have... or the worst enemy he could ever imagine.  Wanna remind you that Dick is a twelve-year old boy, who just hours earlier witnessed the murder of both of his parents.

Then... the GCPD catches up.  Dick suggests maybe they pull over... but, Batman ain't havin' none of it.  Instead, he starts... laughing like a madman!

Still laughing, Batman spins the Batmobile around... and runs it off a jump directly on top of the police cruisers.

Then... the Batmobile sprouts wings and takes to the air.  I'll say one thing, this is giving Jim Lee a lot of opportunity to draw cool stuff!

Dick, naturally, starts freaking out.  I mean, what the hell, right?  Then... he thinks back to his parents, and completely loses it.  Batman's reaction?  He backhands the mourning pre-teen.

Batman's narration reveals that he feels bad for what he's doing to the boy... but, he has to keep him "mad" so he can join his "war".  If he lets Dick deal with his emotions, he'll grieve... which will lead to acceptance, and finally forgiveness.  Can't have none'a that!

He then drops some knowledge on Dick regarding the corrupt Gotham City Police.  He tells him that cops are mostly pretty great... except for those who work in Gotham City.  Those'll "kill you as soon as look at you".

Batman then invites Dick to join him in Crime Fighting... and asks the twelve-year old boy to be brave.  I gotta say, if you're a twelve-year old child... and a strange man in a leather outfit asks you to "be brave", just run away as fast as your feet'll take you.  Dick, instead says "Yes, sir."

--

Okay... you all know me, I try to veer away from the "hive mind" as much as possible... but, this is one'a those books that just... I dunno, defies explanation.  I mean, how does a book like this go to press?

I mean, I know how it went to press... I'm pretty sure Frank Miller and Jim Lee could've photographed their used tissues, and DC would've published it... and, ya know what... that might've made a bit more sense than what we just experienced here.

Let's start with the very first bit... Batman has his hand covering Dick's mouth... and, while admiring the lad tries to kayo him with some gas.  I'm struggling to think of a way where this scene doesn't look predatory.  It's really insane to me how this was okayed.

Then... just the way Batman speaks to the boy.  I mean, what the hell did we just read?!  He threatens to put Dick "through holy hell"... ehhhh?  Wait, make that "Holy hell, or the next best thing."  What in all frigs does that mean?!  Then... he refers to him as both a "punk" and "my ward".  Whaaaaa?

Now, we learned last issue that Bruce Wayne had been keeping an eye on Dick Grayson for quite some time, right?  Did he always have an eye toward adopting him?!  Was he (Bruce) behind the murders of the elder Graysons?  I mean, how else would this be moving so quickly?  I'm so confused.

It's really saying something when the "Gee Dee Batman" panel is among the tamest of the issue.  After finally seeing it in context... I gotta say, it almost seems like the most normal panel in the book!  We've got Batman literally abusing the boy... emotionally, psychologically... even physically in this issue!  Sure, we get a bit of Batman's internal monologue where even he asks himself if he's gone too far... but, that doesn't excuse or undo any of it!

I'm really grasping for more to say about this... but at this point, I'm just babbling.  I will say, Jim Lee's art really shines here.  Miller's bat-stuff insane script afforded him plenty of opportunity to draw some cool stuff.

Is this worth a read?  Absolutely.  It's not every day you get to bear witness to something this flat-out insane.  You're either gonna hate it... or love it for all the wrong reasons, but... I couldn't suggest anyone not read it.  It's the kind of issue that comes once in a generation... and really needs to be seen to be believed.

--

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All Star Batman & Robin the Boy Wonder #1 (2006)

All Star Batman & Robin the Boy Wonder (Special Edition) #1 (February, 2006)
"Episode One"
Writer - Frank Miller
Penciller - Jim Lee
Letterer - Jared K. Fletcher
Assistant Editor - Brandon Montclare
Editor - Bob Schreck
Cover Price: $3.99

We haven't really discussed (or discussed at all, really) DC's "All Star" line from the mid/late 2000's.  Back then a lot of readers looked at this as DC's answer to Marvel's Ultimate Line of Comics... and it's pretty easy to see why.

I largely ignored both this and All Star Superman... mostly for financial reasons, however... if I'm being honest, I probably also wasn't looking for a "new take" on either character.

Today we're going to be taking a look at the Special Edition version of ASBARTBW (yeesh) which is not only shot from Jim Lee's pencils (wait'll you see this... it's some amazing stuff) but it also includes a very detailed script that's sure to trigger the dreaded "current year cringe" in some folks.  We'll wrap up by taking a look at some of the "choicest" directives from Miller to Lee.

Without further ado...

--

We open with Dick Grayson flying high above Haley's Circus on the trapeze.  Gotta say, with just the pencils here, you can really appreciate how much work and detail goes into a page like this.  It's almost a shame there are only like twenty words on it!  Elsewhere, Vicki Vale is dictating her next article into an earpiece... an earpiece which is like one of the four things she's wearing at the moment.  I mean, you gotta see this.  She's giving a show to countless telescope-having neighbors here.

She's comparing Metropolis' hero Superman to Gothams... G-D Batman.  Yeah, this is the first mention of the "G-D Batman"... all the while she seductively eats the olive out of her martini.

Then... she gets a call!  It's Alfred, and he's here to whisk her away for her date with Bruce Wayne... and so, we enter into a dressing montage.

Alfred leads her to the car... and to the date.  Bruce has decided to take Ms. Vale to the most romantic of locations... the Circus!  While there, the see the youngest of The Flying Graysons miss a trapeze and proceed to plummet toward the ground.  Thinking fast, Dick throws a line, catches the trapeze... and is able to land safely.  Vicki comments at how amazing the boy is... to which, get this... Bruce informs her that he's "had an eye on him (Dick) for awhile"... which, I mean... that's weird, right?  Even Vicki's all "Wha--?"

As the Flying Graysons soak in the applause and adulation... Richard and Mary are... shot?!  Wait, that's not how it goes... is it?  Either way... it puts Dick in that iconic shot of the youngster stood between his dead parents.  This doesn't feel right, does it?

From here, Bruce sneaks off to change clothes and... immediately finds the shooter, Jocko-boy Vanzetti.  He fills the goon with some snake-poison before heading off to find that boy he's... had his eye on.

Meanwhile, Vicki Vale has a run-in with a policeman so evil and corrupt I'm surprised he doesn't have horns and a forked-tail.

Vicki tries getting to the boy... who is very much in shock, and... get this... the officer punches her!  Right in the mush!

She runs off to the Alf-Mobile, and after commandeering it, drives out into the country hot on the trail of the Gotham P.D. and their captive (?) young Dick Grayson.  Along the way... we can see the officers trying to "spin" the events Dick just witnessed... for reasons that I'd assume/hope become clear at some point.

When Dick doesn't come around quick enough... the officers pull over, form a circle around him... and go to beat the hell out of him!  I mean, the kid's twelve.  Anyhoo, before they can swing their first baton, they find themselves surrounded... by bats?!

The Batmobile roars into the scene, and the cops flee.  Batman then... grabs Dick by his shirt... hoists him into the air, and informs him that he's just been drafted into a war.  Ay yai yai.

--

So... well, um this wasn't the most subtle of stories now was it?

I suppose we could go "all in" on the sexualization of Vicki Vale... we could talk about Miller taking a little too much from Film Noir to depict "the real life" strutting around her apartment... we could talk about some of the silly Sandra Dee dialogue "What is a girl to do?"... I dunno.  I felt like the backlash to all of this was a bit overblown... while at the same time, I'm a little bit gobsmacked to finally be seeing it in all its glory.

I will say, Lee's depiction of Vale as an attractive woman is pretty solid.  I might be projecting, but I feel like he did the best he could with what Miller gave him (you can see his directives below).  After reading the script... I think if Miller did this himself, it wouldn't have been treated with half the "class" Jim Lee gives it here.

Let's talk about that creepy comment from Bruce about Dick.  He's been "keeping an eye on" some random kid performer at a traveling circus.  There isn't any way to write that where it doesn't sound weird as hell, is there?  I mean, just being able to identify a performer at a traveling circus might "out" you as a weirdo... much less actually tracking and "keeping an eye on".  Especially when you're some aloof billionaire... and the character you're "keeping an eye on" is a 12-year old boy.  Even taking off our "current year goggles", there's just no way this isn't... at the very best, a little bit skeevy.

The Gotham P.D. being behind (or complicit) with the murder of Richard and Mary Grayson?  Ehh... I'll withhold judgment for now.  It's a different take to be sure... but, that's kinda what this "line" is all about.  Can't fault it for that, regardless of just how "wrong" it all feels with all we know.

The "Ultimate" comparison... does it match up?  Well, yes and no... Yes, in that we're sorta starting fresh here.  I mean, Batman's already established... but his is an origin that most people reading this will already know.  Dick Grayson's origin is shown... and tweaked a bit, which fits in with the Ultimate comparison.  Where it doesn't quite match up is... the Richard and Mary murder happened in the first issue.  If this were a Marvel-Ultimate Comic, it would've taken at least six-issues before they hit the ground.

Onto the "choicer" Script Bits...

Some wild stuff here, no?  Now... I'm not a guy who is offended by any of this... but even I've gotta say, this isn't really a good look.  While not as tone-deaf in 2006, today this makes for a pretty weird read.

I'd never presume to tell Frank Miller how to write his scripts... where I'm stuck is DC deciding to publish said script.  I mean, it's at best... a little embarrassing, isn't it?  I mean, the pandering comments "It'll drive them crazy." and "Make them drool."  This feels like something out of Jemas-era Marvel's "Bad Girls for Fan Boys" initiative.

Without saying it outright, this feels very much aimed at that "Mom's Basement" demographic... which, is more annoying than offensive... but still, not sure why DC thought this would be a good look.  Maybe they knew it was ridiculous, and just wanted the cheap laugh?  Who knows...

Overall... this feels like one of those "love it or hate it" books, and I'm not sure I'd recommend it at full cover price.  Jim Lee's (pencil) art is really amazing... I don't think I'd mind seeing more "Special Editions" shot directly from pencil-art.  It's quite striking.  The art might be worth the price of admission... but, I'd recommend keeping an eye out for it on the cheap.  This issue has been collected, and is (the "non" Special Edition) is available digitally.

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Spawn-Batman (1994)

Spawn-Batman (1994)
"Red Scarce"
Writer - Frank Miller
Artist - Todd McFarlane
Letterer - Tom Orzechowski
Colorist - Steve Oliff
Computer Colors - Olyoptics
Cover Price: $3.95

I'm not sure I'd call this piece a "request", but I am covering this issue because a pal-o-mine reminded me that it existed!  (Iowa's) Joe Crawford asked if I'd ever covered this... and I suddenly realized that I haven't done a single "prestige format" book on the humble blog.  I ran upstairs to make sure I had this... I was sure I did, however... wouldn't have the slightest idea what happened in it.  And so, I figured this may be a fun one to cover.  I was also reminded of just how many inter-company crossovers occurred in the mid-to-late 1990's!  Maybe more of them will pop up here from time to time.

Before moving on, Joe regularly collects his thoughts over at For the Discerning Reader.  Definitely give it a look.  He's also got a permanent home on the ol' blogroll over thattaway >>>>

I probably ought to mention that the title "Red Scarce" appears to have been given to the book post-publication.  There is no actual story-title in the book itself.

--

Our story opens in a Gotham City warehouse.  After disposing of a gaggle of thugs, Batman walks wounded until he happens upon the crate he was looking for.  Inside, is a pair of battle gloves... which "hum" with power.  Before he can properly admire them, he is attacked by a large robot!

And a fight is on!  Batman puts the gloves on and starts pounding away.  He manages to break open the robot's "mask" which reveals that it has a rather human head!  The head begins to speak... it's as though he's just been awoken from a long sleep.  He doesn't know where he is, and what's more... doesn't understand why he can't feel his arms or legs.  Well, I'm afraid we've got some bad news, boyo... you're just a head!  A self-destruct sequence begins, and so... Batman reaches in and yanks the disembodied head out of it's bot-base with very little regard.  I suppose I ought to mention that this is the Dark Knight Returns Batman... a little rougher around the edges than the one we're accustomed to.

We shift to a brief newscast which introduces Dr. Margaret Love.  This issue will serve as her first... and last appearance.  Anyhoo, she is the Founder and President of "Heal the World" and has just been awarded the Laimbeer Award for Humanitarian Achievement.  She's probably going to become important later.  Not sure if the Laimbeer prize is named after former Detroit Piston (and part-time Sleestak) Bill Laimbeer... but, Todd does have a bit of a penchant for namedropping famous athletes every now and again...

At the Batcave, Batman is studying the severed head.  Alfred attempts to soften the mood by offering his master a spot of tea.  Bruce ignores Alfred the entire time... he's really quite a jerk to him.  Anyhoo... he checks the dental records to deduce that the head belongs to a "New York Bum" but wonders how it ever got mixed up with a "Soviet Cyborg"... and so, it's off to the Big Apple.

It doesn't take long for word to spread that Batman is in New York.  It's even reported on the news.  Batman has taken to hanging around with the homeless in hopes that he might get to the bottom of the cyborg deal... and keeps hearing legends about a man called "Al".

Speaking of whom... at that very moment, Spawn is skulkin' round the slums.  He sees a pair of ne'er do wells pouring gasoline on a bum with designs on setting him ablaze.  Stands to reason, right?  Anyways, this doesn't quite go according to plan... and the two geeks run straight away into Spawn.  One empties his gun into Spawn's chest... and that goes about as well as you might imagine.  Spawn uses some Hellborn magic, and burns them to a crisp... an act that was witnessed... by the Batman!

And we get our customary "heroes fight due to a misunderstanding" thing underway.  Spawn being... well, Spawn... and Batman being a human being, you can imagine it's not a very even fight.  Spawn actually takes it easy on the Bat... who drops a gas pellet and escapes before he can rethink it.  Spawn throws up from the gas.  Oh!  I gotta mention that Spawn goes from masked to unmasked and masked again with every panel change during this fight.  It's been a long time since I've read this era of Spawn, but I don't remember that being a thing... I could be wrong though.

And Betty when you call me... 

Batman is able to flee about ten blocks before his body gives out.  His injuries are quite severe... but the humiliation is far worse.  He knows that "the punk" was pulling his punches.  While Bruce heals, Al hunts... we see him enter a building bearing signage that reads "Heal New York".

Inside the building, Spawn is attacked by... a giant robot!  He manages to yank it's gun-arm off and fire it back.  This blows the bot to bits... and reveals, another human head!  This head (Spawn's pal, Chuck), like the one before, is befuddled and cannot feel his arms.  There is a video monitor, on which a prerecorded message from Margaret Love discusses "rehabilitation".  Turns out she's been kidnapping the homeless and transforming them into these robotic killing machines in the name of fixing the planet.  Spawn blows up the base.

Back with Batman... he broods like a gargoyle until... the Bat-Signal goes off?  In New York?  Batman is briefly puzzled but figures he'd better check it out.  Well, if he's not gonna worry about the logistics of the thing... far be it from me.

At the spotlight stands... Margaret Love!  She informs him that a man in a red cape and chains destroyed her base of operations... and, now fearing for her life interests... must entrust the Batman to keep her upcoming fund raiser from getting "Spawned".

Speaking of whom... we meet back up with him, as he's vomiting in an alley.  Not bad, two throw-up scenes in one book... and we're not even done yet!  Looks like it's time for Round-Two, as Batman leaps into battle.  This time he's wearing a battle glove... which Alfred had shipped to him via two-hour transit... or something.  That's awfully quick... hmm, maybe Gotham really is in New Jersey?  Anyhoo... a fight is on.

Spawn still beats the hell out of Batman... but the fight is a bit more even this time around.  They roll around until they find themselves surrounded by more giant robots... one of which... kills Batman... or would have, if not for the next bit.

Spawn unleashes his Hellpowers... and just atomizes the cyborgs, all the while Batman mutters about Spawn's "lack of discipline".  I mean, he really goes on about it... it's like he's a dad in the 1950's.  At this point, Batman's heart has already stopped... and there's almost no blood left in his body.  Okay.  Spawn believes it would take a miracle to save him... and decides that perhaps he should be that miracle.

He reaches into Batman... and the two sorta-kinda mind meld, and experience one another's origin story.  I can't be for sure... but, I think they're actually trying to tie Margaret Love in which the murder of Thomas and Martha Wayne.  Again, it's not exactly clear... but it's the impression I'm getting.  Which, if true, would be... ya know... layyyyyyyyyyyyme.

After their bonding, the fellas decide to team up.

Their destination is a cruise ship which is playing host to Margaret Love's fund raiser.  She is hob-nobbing with various VIPs... including the VP of the USofA.  He's a mustachioed gentleman, who I can't place.  During time of publication, this would have been Al Gore... though, it's Miller... and Dark Knight Returns Miller at that... so, this might just be the strangest looking George H.W. Bush ever put to paper.  She shares with him her epiphany... the problem with the planet is... the people!  She plans to purge them all!  To which, the Vice-President "nods vigorously", because, ya see... this criminal mastermind, Dr. Love... spiked the punch.  Seriously.

She plans to heal the world... and reveals her cache of nuclear warheads.  Everyone's cool with it, even the recently arrived President of the United States... because, again... she spiked their punch.

Spawn and Batman arrive shortly, and make short work of the guards... and just a single page later... Spawn kills Dr. Love.  Wait, what?  Okay.  Maybe we were running out of pages to fill by this point.  Anyhoo... before she dies, she triggers a nuke to fire into the heart of New York City.

Spawn teleports he and Batman to the missile... and Batman is able to shut it down.  It plops into the drink... New York City is saved.

We wrap up with Batman and Spawn having yet another contentious chat... which ends with Spawn asking if they could just "bury the hatchet".  Batman, being a total jerk-ass says "bury this"... and hurls a batarang right into Spawn's hamburger head.  Wonk wonk.

--

As cool as it was to see Batman and Spawn going the route of beating the hell out of one another before teaming up against a common enemy, I gotta say... this was a bit of a mess.  Todd brings his A-Game here... this is a very pretty book... the story, however, is kinda rough.

The entire issue feels kinda empty.  There's very little build up past the initial confrontation between Batman and Spawn... and even that goes about as predictably as possible.  We knew Dr. Love was going to be the big-bad... but, I really didn't remember her being dealt with in one page!  That was kind of a dud, no?

Also... like I mentioned above, it almost feels as though Miller was trying to shoe-horn Love into Batman's origin.  Granted, this is Dark Knight Returns Batman (which before Flashpoint was designated to have taken place on Earth-31) so I guess all bets are off.  Just a weird addition, especially if she were to fall so anticlimactically.  Then again, I might just be reading too deep into this one... definitely sounds like something I might do!

Let's stick with Dr. Love for a bit... her methods leave a bit to be desired, no?  I mean, kidnapping the homeless to transform them into cyborgs... yeah, this is comics... she can get away with that, at least for a little while... but, winning over all the global movers and shakers with spiked punch?  C'mon... there's a certain level of silly I can accept... this is a bit too much.

Overall... this is an art book.  You buy this to look at the awesome McFarlane work... and the story isn't so bad that I'd recommend passing on it.  You can probably get this for a song these days... personally, I come across it fairly regularly in the cheap-o bins.  It's worth grabbing for the novelty, the amazing art... and, ya know... if you're in the mood for a batshtuff crazy book, you could do worse.

--

Anatomy of a Shoelace-Face:

Now, howabout that ending, eh?  Looks like Spawn brought a souvenir scar back with him to his own book, don't it?  Well... yes and no... but mostly no... okay, completely no... but let's not ruin the fun.

For folks familiar with the (many) publishing woes of Image Comics early on, it really shouldn't be much of a surprise that... well, a few issues of Spawn shipped out of order.  If you were collecting the title off the rack, you may have noticed the issue that followed #18 (February, 1994) would be... #21 (May, 1994).  But, what happened to #19-20?  Well... they come later.

Just a funny pic for Joe!
From Spawn #22 (June, 1994)
words - Todd / art - McFarlane

In the months between issues #19 and 21... this one-shot with Batman hit the shelves... so when in issue #21, Spawn shows up with his face sewn up with a shoelace, it led many of us to assume that the crossover might just be in (at least Spawn's) continuity.  Adding fuel to the fire, when Spawn was questioned about his "new look", he responded with:

From Spawn #21 (May, 1994)
words - Todd / art - McFarlane

There was a helpful footnote saying that this occurred during the "lost issues" that weren't out yet.  It was ultimately revealed that Spawn got shot in the face by Houdini when issues #19-20 shipped (Toddless!  Instead with Tom Orzechowski and Andrew Grossberg writing, and Greg Capullo on art) in October and November of 1994.

From Spawn #20 (November, 1994)
words - Andrew Grossberg & Tom Orzechowski / art - Greg Capullo

So, there ya have it.  Sorry for the black and white pics... I didn't feel like digging through my longboxes and just went with the (highly recommended!) Spawn Compendium edition.  Hopefully Image/Todd will finally get around to publishing a Volume Two one'a these days!  Hopefully I'll get around to actually reading it through first...

--

Et-Cetera:

I wonder if this is the first Greg Capullo Batman picture!
It's almost gotta be, right?