Hero Hotline #4 (1989)

Hero Hotline #4 (July, 1989)
Writer/Colorist - Bob Rozakis
Artist - Stephen DeStefano
Inker - Kurt Schaeffenberger
Letterer - John Costanza
Editor - Brian Augustyn
Cover Price: $1.75

If you need to catch up, please check out the discussions on Hero Hotline #1, #2, and #3.

--

We open up today with news that Sturgis "Mister Mighty" Butterfield has gone missing.  SOOZ is able to locate him passed out drunk in an alley.  Stretch is sent off to pick him up.

Try as you might, you can never get the smell of alley out of zubaz.

Young Hotshot is readying to rent his first grown-up apartment, despite his mother's reservations.  She continually nags him until he promises to call her later on.  As they walk down Hotshot's seedy new neighborhood, we appear to get a cameo by a certain... sailor man... toot toot.

I yam what I yam

At the Hotline, Mister Mighty merrily (and soberly) strolls in, only to be met by a barrage of police officers.  They cuff him (which doesn't go all that well) and attempt to arrest him for the murder of abusive husband scumbag, Ralph Bartoli.  The Coordinator tries to get cooler heads to prevail, and insists that Butterfield accompany the officers downtown to answer all of their questions.

SOOZ informs Hotshot of a job that just came through.  Apparently a father of three plucky boys insists on smoking in bed.  The kids are afraid their old man's gonna burn the place down, so they enlist the Hero Hotline.  Young William is the best bet for such a fiery scenario.  Off he goes...

As he leaves, some of his fellow heroes head off to lunch.  Microwavabelle, Diamondette, Voice-Over, and Fred leave the office, discussing how recently Geraldo Rivera Alberto got punched by nazi-skinheads bigots.

Hotshot arrives at his trouble-ticket to find everything's just ducky.  Just as the boys had reported, their Unca Donald father is smoking in bed.  Hotshot's attempts at diplomacy are shrugged off, leading him to employ drastic measures.  He launches a fireball directly at daddy's derriere causing all sorts of chaos.  Hotshot flees to the sounds of fire extinguishers and threats.

Waughh!

Back at HQ, Stretch is given a case.  It's most certainly another cat... however, this one just happens to be caught in a drainpipe rather than a tree.  As he storms out some pictures fall out of his "saving cats from trees" scrapbook.  Of particular interest is a photo of him with the original Red Tornado, Ma Hunkel.

We join the lunch-gang at a nearby fast food joint.  An employee approaches and tells them they'd recently gotten an odd delivery, and asks them to take a look.  The crew follows the lad to the back room where they are shown a superhero that had been frozen in a block of ice.  There's no shield on his chest... so it ain't that one.  The team carries the block out with them.

Who do I gotta petition to get a Voice-Over: Rebirth?

Next, Private-Eyes and Miss Boulder are attempting to get their marriage license.  They run into some static in regard to their blood tests.  P.Eyes decides to show the poor clerk the blood of himself and his betrothed by pricking their fingers and letting the blood drip out.  Stands to reason, that should cover it!

I think that actually makes them married in some states!

Stretch arrives at the drain pipe, and meets a rather eccentric pair.

I've seen movies that start this way...

Back at HQ, the ice block has arrived.  SOOZ conducts a test and finds that the man inside is a patriotic superhero from a bygone time... Why it's...Captain Mister America (aka the Americommando)!  The Coordinator repeatedly insists it's not the real Mister America, however.

Voice-Over excuses himself to... take care of the horrendous fast-food hockey puck hamburger he'd eaten just moments prior, only to find that the restroom is locked.  He is surprised to find out that (Invisible) Fred is locked inside... and his intangibility prevents him from getting out.  A returning Stretch is able to finagle his way through the keyhole to free our man.

Shortly, the rest of the team returns and all seem to congregate around the Patriotic ice sculpture.  Despite reservations from the Coordinator, the combined forces of Hotshot and Microwavabelle melt the ice.  As the ice sheds, Private Eyes gets a good look inside the body, discovering that the Americommando's heart is in fact a bomb.

Diamondette uses her diamond-hard hands and chops the figure in half... Stretch grabs the heart-bomb and reaches his hand wayyyyyyyyyyyyy across the city.  The bomb explodes in the water, and the day is saved.

At the police station Mister Mighty is being interrogated.  He insists he did not kill Mr. Bartoli, and attempts to give his alibi.

Chicken-Pits?

We close out the day back in HQ.  There are a few really odd things that persist throughout this issue that sorta "come to a boil" on the last page.  The HQ (and city) appears to be getting more and more infested with these odd pink and blue peeps (tribble-like creatures) who are breeding at a ridiculous rate... and there is a group of superhero rejects at the hotline who are attempting to unionize.  I'm not sure if they will be of any importance later on, or simply serve as panel-flavor.

Your guess is as good as mine...

--

Another fine issue of Hero Hotline... though, I must admit... it's all getting a tad tiresome.  We've got two issue to go, and to my knowledge we don't see any of these characters ever again.  Not sure how satisfying a conclusion this is going to get.  There's really no overarching story line here, just episodes.  Episodes are great for an ongoing, or maybe even a twelve-issue maxiseries, but here... it sort of feels like wasted space.  In my opinion, a six-issue miniseries should not have any filler... and this really felt like filler.

Not all that much more to say.  The dialogue was fun, and the art still maintains its high level of quality... plus, all the cartoon-cameos are (and have been) a hoot!  Maybe this is why I don't really review sequential issues too often... nothing much new for me to say.

Anyways, I'm still maintaining hope that there's a method to Bob Ro's incredible madness.  He hasn't let me down yet... so, fingers crossed.

--

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Gotta revisit this one... see if it's really as boring as I remember.

Hero Hotline #3 (1989)

Hero Hotline #3 (June, 1989)
Writer & Colorist - Bob Rozakis
Artist - Stephen DeStefano
Inker - Kurt Schaffenberger
Letterer - John Costanza
Editor - Brian Augustyn
Cover Price: $1.75

Today's post is a special one.  Thus far in my blogging career, all of my subjects have been one (or two) and done.  I've always felt that I don't have the stamina (or creative enough writing style) to do a full-blown series.  My mind begins to wander, and I feel as though I'm repeating myself.  Hell, even without revisiting series' I feel as though I'm repeating myself.

This is the first time I've made it to the third issue of anything for a discussion and review-type post.  I always find myself rather envious of my fellow bloggers who can stick with one topic, and actually see it through to the end while keeping their take interesting and entertaining.  One such blogger that I very much enjoy is Dan Reilly over at The Crabby Reviewer who has, since early February maintained a wonderfully interesting (and totally recommended) marathon of the Marvel Super Heroes Secret Wars Battleworld Box Set.  I've followed along (and loved) the entire ride thus far, and I salute your efforts, Dan!  You've inspired me to actually see a few miniseries through to their end here on the blog, including the one we'll be discussing today!

--

Previous Chapters: #1, #2

School's out, so Microwave Mom has to drag her kids to the office.  The Coordinator decides to put her on desk duty this day, and also asks that she show new recruit Lightning Eyes around the office.  I wonder what his power may be?

Lightning Eyes: Probably shoots lightning from his eyes, right?







A week has gone by since our last visit with the team, and in that time Voice-Over's missing septuagenarian has still not been found.  The Coordinator sends V-O and Private-Eyes (... and Fred) back to the Culligan home to see what's what.

As they leave, we find Mister Muscle taking a phone call.  It appears as though the abusive husband he tangled with back in the opening chapter is challenging him to a fight.  Mom brings Lightning Eyes over for an intro, and we are informed that our strongman is going by Mighty Mike this week.

Fresh off capturing the Comedian from Watchmen's button-given flesh, Diamondette is also fielding a phone call.  It is Geraldo Riv... er, Alberto Rosario.  He wants to use her power to open Al Capo... err... Pandora's Box live on television.  She gets the a-okay from the Coordinator and heads out.

SOOZ scoots up to our man Stretch, and wouldn'tcha know it... there's another cat in a tree.  Poor guy can't catch a break.

V-O and company arrive at the Culligan home only to find it completely ransacked.  Private-Eyes finds some curious sediment on the carpet and patches SOOZ in for an ID.  These particles just happen to originate in a "basement environment".  Eye's decides to employ his x-ray vision and... well... look down.  Much to his surprise, Mrs. Culligan is in fact sitting in the basement

Voice-Over lambastes our invisible friend, Fred for not checking there earlier.  Fred's excuse is that the door was locked.  When asked why he didn't just walk through the wall, Fred reminds them the he may be invisible... but he ain't intangible.  V-O pops on his microphone and loud speaker and uses some super-shoutin'-action to rattle the knob off the door.

As our heroes reach the bottom of the stairs, they hear voices coming from upstairs.  The fellas hide and watch as two women dressed as Martians descent down the steps.  They approach the old woman and... well, try to shake her down for cash.

Voice-Over won't go for that, so he throws his voice acting as though he were an alien from Jupiter.  The women panic and attempt to make their leave, running into Private-Goo-Goo-Googly-Eyes on their way out.  V-O "rescues" the old woman who, thinking she is currently on Mars, is rather puzzled.  Case closed.

Stretch has arrived at the Burlington-Grimes... err, Grimes-Burlington estate to rescue their poor Truffles from a tree.  When he stretches his neck, he finds not only the kitty, but young boy Maximilan as well.  He rescues them both, to the absolute indifference of the wealthy broad.

Next... Live on Alberto, Diamondette is attempting to open Pandora's Box.  Just as she is about to unleash some evil on the world, the network cuts away for a GBS News Bulletin.

At the stock exchange there's an odd figure causing all sorts of commotion and chaos.  It is Bartholomew Higgins, otherwise known as SNAFU (situation normal all FOULED up, thankyouverymuch)... remember him from the text piece in Issue #1?  Me neither.  SOOZ sounds out a red alert, and sends all available team members to the stock exchange.

Once there, many of our team members find themselves caught up in the chaos.  Poor Stretch is so freaked out he's begging to rescue cats from trees!  Private-Eyes is dropped at the door, the chaos powers far too strong for his senses.  In all the psychodelicosity (for lack of a better term, of course), Hot Shot and Mighty Mike provide a distraction, and my main man Voice-Over gives Snafu a sound-blast to the back of the head.

Back on the Alberto show... Pandora's box appears to have been empty the whole time... wah wah wahhhhh.

As the team returns to HQ we again meet the buxom Miss (Melanie) Boulder.  She is worried sick over Private-Eyes being kayoed by Snafu.  Turns out his eyeballs got a bit fried, but he'll be okay... he's taking the rest of the day off though.  Stretch receives another trouble call... this time, it's not a cat up a tree... it's a young child who got stuck in a well.  Wow, this really is a 1980's book.

Stretch doesn't even leave the office, he simply... stretches his arm all the way out to the well and rescues the child.  He then berates the child's parents, the newscaster and the lookers-on.  He has clearly had enough crap this fine day... he too, is taking the rest of the day off.

Poor Voice-Over lost his voice after the Snafu fight (though, invisible Fred can still speak... interesting)... guess what?  He's taking the rest of the day off as well.

As the day draws to a close, Microwave Mom and Lightning Eyes put on their coats and start to head out.  Mom mentions that she was surprised that the Coordinator didn't send the "new guy" out in the field in light of their short staff.  Well, it turns out Lightning Eyes' superpower is his speed-reading ability.

::sigh::

We now follow Mighty Mike out to his fight.  He dons his freshest Zubaz and beret, and hits the street.  In the darkness, a wrench is swung.  Our man snatches it away handily, and the perpetrator flees.

Our tale ends with the Hero Hotline call center receiving a call about a murder... and we are [to be continued...]

Following the story, we find another interesting text piece:

--

How is it that in the past few years we've seen a revival of Prez and the freakin' Green Team, but not the Hero Hotline?  If ever there was a time where some Bob Ro magic could have been of use was in the post-Flashpoint DC Universe.  DCYou needed 'Mazing Man and the Hero Hotline!

Hero Hotline continues to be almost too fun.  We're at the halfway point, and I'm afraid I may be forming an unhealthy attachment to our cast.  This was a highly entertaining chapter, providing closure on some old (no pun intended) cases, and adding new layers to others.

I am curious if Private-Eyes' injury will be followed up on, or given the somewhat episodic nature of this title, not mentioned in the remaining issues.  The one character I really didn't care for in the opening chapter is rapidly becoming a favorite... Stretch's entire entanglement (again... no pun intended) with the Hotline is becoming quite engaging.  Why does he still do what he does here?  He is clearly unhappy... and is quickly wearing away at whatever "fuse" he may have had.  Does he owe the Coordinator anything?  Is it about his family?  Am I putting more thought into this than perhaps the writer did?  I don't know... but, I'm looking forward to finding out.

This book is an absolute treat.  Still recommended... grab it if you can find it.

--

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Hero Hotline #2 (1989)

Hero Hotline #2 (May, 1989)
Writer & Colorist - Bob Rozakis
Artist - Stephen DeStefano
Inker - Kurt Schaffenberger
Letter - John Costanza
Editor - Brian Augustyn
Cover Price: $1.75

So impressed was I with the Hero Hotline, I decided to check in on their next issue.  It's funny when you have books in your collection for years and years... just sitting there, unread.  Just acting like collection fodder... or collection flavor, I suppose.  This is just another one of those reasons I started blogging.  It gave me a productive excuse (which, perhaps I needed) to dive head-first into my boxes.

An unexpected bonus... I'm actually remembering a lot more of what I read... which, before now, I never realized was a problem.  I often think about books I like, or dislike... and I cannot put into words why I feel that way... or even remember parts of the stories that made me feel that way.  Suppose that's just one of the disadvantages to trying to think about a million things at once... yeah, that's what I'll go with.  Makes me sound smarter than I am!

Now, let's try not to become too transfixed on Mister Muscle's perky bottom on the cover (you just looked, didn't you?), and see what lurks inside!

--

Note: If you need to catch up, check out my Review/Discussion of Hero Hotline #1 here.

It is the next day at the Hero Hotline, and our young friend Hot Shot is being escorted in by his dear mother.  She is upset that her son has been put on the night shift.  Why, a superhero could get hurt working at night, don'tcha know?  The Coordinator reminds her that her little boy is both legally an adult and contractually obligated to work whatever shift the Hotline requires.

My main man, Voice-Over is reconnoitering with his buddy Invisible Fred over his Martian stakeout the night before.  Fred unfortunately has some bad news... it turns out he fell asleep (or, ya know... doesn't exist, and is just V-O throwing his voice...) and missed the entire thing.  This morning, the old woman under his protection had vanished.  Voice-Over is ordered by the Coordinator to find her.

We observe Diamondette studying for an Anatomy exam.  A piece of her background I neglected to include in my previous review is that Diamondette is a Med-School student.  As she studies, a report of a school bus hijacking is reported on the television news.  It turns out Microwavabelle's three children just so happen to be on board.  'Belle is chomping at the bit to get to the scene, however, is told not to interfere by the Coordinator.  He feels the appearance of superheros may cause the situation to escalate.

Voice-Over and Fred arrive at the old woman's house to check for clues.  Everything seems normal... boring, even... until, under an easy chair cushion V-O finds an alien ray gun!

Back at the bus, the hijackers begin making their demands.  Diamondette and SOOZ do their best to comfort Microwavabelle.  A call comes through for Stretch, it's his favorite (read: absolute least favorite) kind of call... a cat stuck in a tree.  The guy with the stretchy powers always gets stuck pulling kitties outta trees.  He phones his daughter, Eloise and tries to postpone their lunch plans as SOOZ pushes him out the door.

The abusive husband (who we now know as Mr. Bartoli) from the previous issue arrives at HQ.  He is both bandaged and lawyered up.  Bartoli's lawyer, Mr. Schuster announces that they will be pressing charges against Mister Muscle and the Hero Hotline for damages.  Upon hearing this, Mister Muscle does what any defendant would do... oils up!

Stretch arrives at the scene of the missing cat.  It turns out this cat chose to get stuck in a tree... on a block absolutely jammed full of trees.  What's worse, the Tubby (from Little Lulu) lookalike who called in the ticket hasn't the foggiest idea which tree the kitty ran up.  Stretch calls in to see if Private-Eyes can give an assist, P.I's however is just about to head out on a trouble call himself... in search of a lost will.  A call he will attend to as soon as he finishes examining Miss Boulder's... er, upper respiratory system.

Microwave Mom can finally stands no more... she heads out to the site of the hijacking.  When her absence is discovered, SOOZ assembles and orders the rest of the team to the school bus.

'Belle has a brief standoff with the hijackers, who are now threatening physical violence to one of her own children.  She 'waves the knife he is brandishing, causing him to drop it.  Even unarmed, he poses a threat.  He cinches in a tight headlock on Microwave Mom's daughter.

The team arrives and instantly makes their presence felt.  Diamondette uses her diamond-strong hands and slices the bus open.  Mister Muscle follows up by turning that slice into a large hole.  The other hijacker threatens to detonate a grenade.  Luckily, Private-Eyes is present to inform the team that the grenade she's wielding is in fact, a fake.

In the confusion, Microwave Mom fires a 'wave bolt into the first hijacker's gut causing him to release her daughter.  Mister Muscle crushes the fake grenade along with the hand that was holding it.  Diamondette then slices the first hijacker's gun in half.  The police intervene and take control of the situation.

Back at the tree-lined road, Stretch is now calling his daughter to cancel lunch... and try to make dinner plans.  Those plans would also fall through, as he continues seeking the cat into the night.  Finally, Tubby realizes that his cat was asleep in a box the whole time.  Stretch freaks out and runs off as... hey, a Little Lulu lookalike joins Tubby.

Private-Eyes finally arrives to the great will-search, and is led to a room almost packed to the ceiling with paper-filled boxes.  Any small talk Private-Eyes attempts is brushed off by the couple.  They are only interested in finding their Grandfather's will.  Finally, it is located... much to the couple's chagrin, the Grandfather decided to leave them... his collection of important papers.

Microwavabelle and her children arrive back at Hero Hotline HQ.  Moments later, Voice-Over (and Fred) enter the scene, alien ray gun in tow.  Belle's son instantly recognizes the "ray gun" as a Captain Zingaroo Space Blaster... a toy.  Shocked, and embarrassed V-O (annnnd Fred) bolt out of the office to resume their search.

--

I'm still digging this.  Hero Hotline has proved to be a ton more fun than I was expecting.  In this part, we begin to flesh out some of the players.  Much of the information which was relegated to the "character bios" that closed out in issue #1 are now being peppered into the narrative.

We see Microwavabelle as a mother to her actual children, and not her teammates.  Her emotional outbursts throughout are just what one would expect from a mother whose children are in any sort of danger.  At one point she reflects back to having lost her husband... that would certainly compound her feelings of dread and urgency in this situation.

We get a brief look into Hot Shot's home life.  He may technically be an adult, however, from even his small part in this issue, we can see that he is not quite equipped to be one.  His mother still "babies" him, and it appears as though he treats this job as a 16-year old would treat an after school job at McDonald's.

Diamondette is that person you would see when you were working a crappy part-time job.  They would have their school books with them, and they wouldn't ordinarily socialize with the group.  They were the ones that wanted more for their lives than a menial entry-level gig, but knew they needed some way to support themselves while continuing their education.  I've seen that person... hell, I currently am that person.

Stretch's story is broadened a bit.  We now know he has a daughter with whom he is having trouble connecting.  We can tell that he wants this job at the Hotline to be more than what it is.  He's is sickened at the thought of being relegated to "cat rescue" guy... but, he performs to the best of his abilities... for one reason or another.

Upcoming plot threads are hinted at quite handily.  The pending lawsuit from Mr. Bartoli is surely something that will be revisited.  The wedding of Private-Eyes to Miss Boulder may also pan out in the remaining issues.  We still haven't seen the Coordinator yet, either.  Will be present himself?  Speaking of people we "haven't seen", we will have the continuing story of Fred and Voice-Over as they hunt for their client.

A lot of stuff to look forward to... and (without nit-picks) not a single complaint.  I'm looking forward to seeing how this one plays out.  Still recommended, definitely check this series out.!

--
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To my knowledge this one wasn't delayed for months and months...