Astonishing X-Men (v.3) #1 (2004)

 

Astonishing X-Men (vol.3) #1 (July, 2004)
"Gifted (Part One)"
Writer - Joss Whedon
Art - John Cassaday
Colors - Laura Martin
Letters - Chris Eliopoulos
Edits - Marts, Quesada
Cover Price: $2.99
On-Sale: May 26, 2004

Heyyy, howsitgoin' everybody... long time no write. Like, ya know actually write, and not just pop in once a day to promote a podcast. I figured since we're at our new Wordpress digs, I may as well give the tires a kick and see about writing an actual blog post.

But, what about?

Well, there are plenty of things I'm wanting to write about... and if not for those horrible things we call "time" and "real life", I'd be glued to my laptop all day long cranking out content in all forms. I actually quite miss the "simpler" days of Chris is on Infinite Earths... taking a random DC Comic and spending a few hours sharing it with all of you. Digging into some real obscurities... bending the old rigid rules of the blog to shoehorn a non-DC Comic into the mix. Those were some fun times. Maybe one'a these days I'll get back to it.

Can't make any promises, however.

So, whatta we gonna talk about today? Well... if you do listen to any of the X-Lapsed family of shows... First of all, thank you. Second of all, you may've heard me kvetch one or two... dozen times about my disdain for Joss Whedon's Astonishing X-Men run. That kvetching is usually followed up with a comment about how I haven't actually read Astonishing since it came out... and how I probably owe it something of a retrial to see if I still feel the same way about it all these years removed.

And so... with a shiny new blogging OS, and a few minutes to spare this afternoon... I figured "What the Hell?"... let's do the thing.

I hope we... ahem... survive the experience (I'm so sorry...)

--

Our story opens in the nightmare of a young girl named Tildie. She dreams of her mother screaming... and whatever it was that caused the screaming next coming for her. She awakens, and we can see that she's actually under the observation of Dr. Kavita Rao... who, with the benefit of hindsight, we know will eventually be a member of the X-Club alongside Doctor Nemesis, Madison "Box" Jeffries, Danger, and that dude from the Marvel Godzilla comic.

From here, our scene shifts to Kitty "Don't Call Me Kate" Pryde arriving back at the Mansion for her first day in her new position as a mentor. Naturally, since this is something of a "love-letter" to the Claremont run, we get a few nods to the past. We see the classic "Professor Xavier is a Jerk" panel, as well as Kitty holding the mistletoe over Colossus's "sexy" head.

She phases through the wall of the main hall, and winds up making a somewhat "grand" entrance in the middle of an Emma Frost lecture to the student body. Also on the stage are Beast and Cyclops. Kitty and Emma snipe at one another before the former takes her seat. We learn that she'd missed Scott's introduction speech... which was apparently so boring that it nearly put him to sleep in the delivery. Cuz, lest we forget... Scott Summers is boring.

Emma's speech basically comes down to the fact that the humans will always hate the mutants... groundbreaking stuff, am I right? I remember thinking this was a massive step backwards from the few years of actual progressive storytelling we got from Grant Morrison. It was like "Okay, so we're back to the X-Men just being about... this." Anyway, Emma's speech crescendos with some special effects Sentinels tearing their way into the roof of the place like something out of Uncanny X-Men #281. Emma would later tell Scott that 10% of the student body were actually excited by the possibility of a throwdown with the big bots.

We jump to the next morning, and we're in Scott and Emma's bedroom. And, don't look now, but we're not alone -- Wolverine's here too. Remember, this is a love letter to the Claremont run... and so, we gotta have Scott and Logan fighting over Jean... even though she's, ya know, dead.

Scott SHKOW's Wolverine out the window, and it looks like they're going to duke it out. Emma might just have the line of the book when she mentions how she's got superpowers, a scintillating wit, and the best body money can buy... and yet, she still rates under Jean Grey... who, lest we forget, is currently a corpse.

From here, the "admins" get their stuff together long enough to have a faculty meeting... in Hawaii? Or, I suppose high above Hawaii. It's all an illusion... only Beast hasn't yet figured out how to make this thing work right... and so, it's as though our heroes are giant kaijus literally standing over the islands. Hey, at least it makes for an interesting backdrop, right? Anyway, the chat here is about how to make the X-Men what they once were. It's basically a response to the "black leather" Morrison era... because Joe Quesada retroactively decided that he hated all that stuff after Grant went DC-Exclusive. Now, don't get me wrong... I wasn't a fan of the black leather either... but, to me that was more about Marvel shoehorning the look of the X-Men movies into the comics than anything else.

From here, we get "cinematic"... over the course of the next several pages, we get bits of Kavita Rao giving a speech, some boring Breakworlders maybe in the same place... maybe someplace else, and our heroes changing into their new costumes. Cyclops makes sure to say that the X-Men are going to, ahem, "Astonish".

This takes us to our ending, where Dr. Kavita Rao informs the world that... stop me if you've heard THIS one before - she's found the CURE to mutants! It'd been literally DAYS since the last cure, right? Groundbreaking!

--

Yeah, I still don't care for this. I can't say that it wasn't what was advertised, because it totally was. It was a throwback and a "love letter" to arguably the "Golden Age" of the X-Men. Only problem for me was, we were also coming off a pretty darn good run of X-Men comics... which Marvel and Quesada went to great lengths to bury out of personal acrimony with no real thought as to what their actual customers might feel about this. Was bringing in Whedon a good business decision? Well, since it was 2004... and not "current year", sure! But was that why Quesada did it? I'm... not convinced.

Perhaps I'm projecting... I probably am, but I remember being pretty bummed out myself when I learned that not only the X-Men... but Marvel overall was losing Grant Morrison. I was bummed, annoyed, maybe a bit angry over the territorialism and "exclusive this/exclusive that" garbage that had began to take over comics around that time... but, that doesn't mean I didn't really enjoy Grant's time on New X-Men. I didn't wanna see everything he'd built over the course of nearly a half-decade flushed down the toilet by a temper-tantrum throwing EiC.

Again... I might be projecting.

And, in fairness to Whedon('s storytelling)... no matter how hard I try, I can't divorce the story... no matter how good it might be, from the fact that it took friggin' forever for this to come out. Astonishing became the flagship X-Book on the strength of his name... and barely ever came out. Making it so the rest of the X-Books were left treading water and waiting to see what stories they could tell. Add to that, massive crossover events like House of M and Civil War gumming up the works even more... and, well... it just wasn't a great time to be an X-Fan... in my opinion.

So, with my baggage plainly laid out on the table... howsabout I actually talk about the issue in question, eh? It was... okay. I didn't love it... but, I also didn't actually hate it. I'm sure it was a "10 outta 10" of its day - because, of course it was... but, really - what does it bring to the table, outside of the star power of the creative team?

In my opinion... not a heckuva lot. Like I said during the synopsis, it felt like something of a step backwards, after years of pushing the envelope with what one could do with the X-Men - and, here we are, back with "Feared and Hated" as the be-all/end-all... and yet another crackpot talking about a "Mutant Cure". It's all very "been there, done that", isn't it?

Maybe it's comfort food... and, I can't claim that it isn't -- but, it just feels very samey, especially with such a hyped-up creator bellying up to the word processor. I remember the feeling of deflation I felt when first reading this back in '04... and, to be completely honest - I was pretty underwhelmed here as well.

Another thing I didn't much care for back in the long ago was... and, this might be heresy to some... but - I just don't like John Cassaday's art. I certainly can't say it's bad... it's just not for me... at all. I was hoping that my now-aged eyes might take more of a liking to it... but, nope - I still can't stand it.

Overall... I tell ya what, I was far more optimistic about this "Astonishing X-Men Retrial" project a few hours ago than I am now. I guess we'll see if this is something I come back to. I probably owe it to the story to give it at least a few more issues, right?

I suppose we'll see if I actually do!

In any event... it was nice to write up an actual blog post again, even if I didn't 100% enjoy the subject matter this time out!

Action Comics #1000 (2018)

Action Comics #1000 (June, 2018)
"From the City that Has Everything"
"Never-Ending Battle"
"An Enemy Within"
"The Car"
"The Fifth Season"
"Of Tomorrow"
"Five Minutes"
"Actionland!"
"Faster Than a Speeding Bullet"
"The Truth"
Writers - Dan Jurgens, Peter J. Tomasi, Marv Wolfman, Geoff Johns, Richard Donner, Scott Snyder, Tom King, Louise Simonson, Paul Dini, Brad Meltzer & Brian Michael Bendis
Pencils - Dan Jurgens, Patrick Gleason, Curt Swan, Olivier Coipel, Rafael Albuquerque, Clay Mann, Jerry Ordway, Jose Luis Garcia Lopez, John Cassaday & Jim Lee
Inks - Norm Rapmund, Butch Guice, Kurt Schaffenberger, Kevin Nowlan & Scott Williams
Colors - Hi-Fi, Alejandro Sanchez, Dave McCaig, Jordie Bellaire, Laura Martin & Alex Sinclair
Letters - Rob Leigh, Tom Napolitano, Nick Napolitano, John Workman, Carlos M. Mangual, Josh Reed, Chris Eliopoulo and Cory Petit
Assistant Editor - Andrea Shea
Associate Editor - Jessica Chen
Editors - Paul Kaminski & Mike Cotton
Group Editor - Brian Cunningham
Cover Price: $7.99

Hey everybody... welcome to the, ahem, ONE-THOUSANDTH DAILY DISCUSSION here at Chris is on Infinite Earths.  Can you believe we've been talking about comics here every-single-day since January 30, 2016?!

I sure can't!

I'll save the personal beats for the "down below", but we've got a long issue to discuss today, so... just in case my normally dazzling writing doesn't hold your interest the whole way through, I'll drop a THANK YOU up here in the pre-ramble.  It's been a heckuva ride to this point, I couldn't have stuck with this without kind folks popping in from time to time and giving a wink, thumbs-up, and pat on the back.

Today we're going to be talking about... well, really the only comic book we can discuss when it comes to discussing "one-thousandths", and that is the semi-recent Action Comics #1000.  Full disclosure... knowing that this blog milestone was on the horizon, I purposely did not read this issue cover-to-cover until quite recently.  I wanted to come into this one "fresh"... and seeing as though it's an anthology, I figured (outside of the Bendis story) nothing was going to be all that "time sensitive".

Though, since this issue is new-ish, it's not going to be quite as in-depth as a normal post here.  I don't want to risk ruining the entire thing for folks who might decide to pick it up.

Anyhoo, let's get right to it.

--

Our first story opens with Superman sending some Khunds packing out in deep space.  This happens to be going down on Metropolis' Superman Day, where, one would assume he would be the guest of honor.  Down on Earth, Jon is a bit nervous that his father won't show up in time... Lois, however, has no doubt.  Sure enough, Clark arrives just as the festivities are about to kick off.

Metropolis Mayor Barnes addresses the crowd, telling them what today is all about.  While she speaks, Clark is distracted... he keeps using his telescopic vision to see if the Khunds have followed him home.  While this is going on, Lois is on the phone with Perry.

One by one, folks take the stage and share their experience being saved or aided in some way by Superman.  It's really this scene that that makes the entire story.  It's something we might not think about much, and honestly, I don't think we're supposed to... but, for Superman, saving a person is just "anther day at work", for that person however, it's a life-changing experience!

A man named Benning takes the stage... a reformed criminal.  Jon balks at the idea of a "bad guy" celebrating Superman Day.  Clark tells him to calm down, as the fella shares his story about how Superman's patience and kindness led him down a much better road in life.  Worth noting, this Benning mentions how low-level criminals were often used by the big names as a distraction... another neat little detail, that we might not think about all that often!

Then, Perry White takes the stage... but, waitasec, isn't Lois on the phone with "Perry"?  At this point, Superman knows something's up.  He "supes up" and heads out... thrilling the crowd when they notice that he actually showed up.  In the skies above Metropolis, he runs into Wonder Woman, who informs him that the Khundian threat has been neutralized.  Ya see, Lois was really on the phone with Clark's associates in the League, asking them for a hand so he could enjoy his day.

And we learn that it wasn't only the League that came to help... it was damn near the entire superhero community... including, Deathstroke the Terminator?  Well, that can't be right...

Our next chapter features Superman telling a story about having battled Vandal Savage... during the fight, he is sent back in time... to the 1930's.  This whole tale provides a really neat opportunity to viably depict Superman in each of his eras/ages.  These are all (beautiful) full-page spreads which we spend the first few of in the Golden-Age.

From there, into the more sci-fi and fantastical Silver-Age.

Straight through the Bronze-Age, and into the Grim and Gritty Dark Knight Returns era.

Into the post-Crisis, and the Death and Return.

Skipping past today, and jumping right into Kingdom Come!

At this point in the story, Lois and Jon are becoming rather bored... and insist that Superman stop yammering and just blow out his candles.  Happy Birthday, Superman!  And yeah, there are eighty candles on the cake!

Our third chapter is a shorter piece, which opens with Maggie Sawyer trying to convince a man to release a hostage.  This fella, Mr. Davis, claims that there are voices in his head telling him to do bad things.

Even Mrs. Davis shows up to try and talk her husband down.  In a weird bit, he shouts back that it's too late for him... the voices won't let him fight back.  At the same time, however, he actually does release the hostage.  I dunno, maybe I missed something.  Davis is then shot with a rubber bullet.

Turns out Davis was being controlled... by Brainiac.  Superman narrates, claiming that Davis was able to fight off the suggestion... and we can see that this will be a constant struggle.  It's really all about the power of humanity... and it kinda just ends.  Really anticlimactic.

Chapter Four features a man having his car repaired.  Upon checking out the damage, the mechanic wonders if he'd hit an elephant.  The man corrects him, he actually hit a man... wearing red underwear (c'mon, you're better than that, Geoff) who later hung him up on a telephone pole.

The mechanic continues to survey the wrecked rig, and more or less tells the goof that it's totaled.  As he walks home, he runs into the same "elephant" he hit the night before.  They talk... and basically, Superman tells him to stop being a jerk.  The story ends with the fella deciding to "fix" his life... by soaking some children with a fire hydrant.  I think you can get fined for that... possibly added to a watch list too.

Our next chapter takes place at the Smallville Planetarium.  Superman has found Lex Luthor, who himself, has found a few odd bits... the Eye of Xotar and the Time Scissors of Chronos.  These things have the power to excise an entire genealogical line out of existence.  Lex kinda shrugs off Superman's accusations that he might use these to finally take him out.

Instead, he talks about Smallville's propensity for having a "fifth season" every year, coming between Winter and Spring.  He says that's when his father would be most ruthless... and as such, when he himself would spend most of his time at the Planetarium as sort of a sanctuary.

During one of these times, he tried sending an S.O.S. into space using the Planetarium's telescope.  He nearly perished in the attempt... having forgotten to heat up the nitrogen he used.  Lucky for him, young Clark Kent was there to give the assist.

Lex then comes clean... he did fetch the artifacts in order to kill Superman.  And get this, he does just that!  What's more, the story ends with both of them vanishing.  I guess without young Clark there to heat the Nitro... Lex wouldn't make it to adulthood himself.

Next story features Superman in the far-flung future... and I mean faaaar-flung future.  He is visiting... well, I'll bury the lead here because it's pretty obvious from the get-go, he's visiting the graves of his parents for the five billionth time (his words).

It's also the last time... because everything is about to end.  We learn that by drinking something called "eternity formula" Lois has been able to remain at his side for all these years... and Jon's still kickin' around as well.  The short story ends with everything being engulfed.  Not sure if these panels are the "end" for Superman, though, if it is... I'm not sure why he's at his parents' grave instead of with his wife and son.

Next up, Perry White gives Clark five minutes to write up a story about House Corruption.  While he's ranting and raving, Clark is distracted, his super-hearing has picked up some nearby distress.  A train looks to be going too fast to take a curve.

After "suping up", the day is saved.  Then, our old friend Bibbo is almost mugged by some geeks as he nonchalantly carries a bag of cash down a Hob's Bay street.  Superman saves him as well.

Then, some space junk threatens to hit the Earth.  Superman takes to (further up in) the skies, and busts it into more fun-sized debris.

He rushes back to the Daily Planet to type up his story... only to have Perry put it on the back-burner, so Clark can write about the story of Superman saving that train from derailment.  Wonk wonk.

Next, we're off to Action Land... which gives me a similar vibe to that Superman Pavilion we talked about... yeesh, FIVE-HUNDRED DAYS AGO.  That's half this site's life ago!  Anyhoo, we're being given a tour by a woman named Gspie... or, Ms. Gsptlsnz, if you prefer.

She takes some park-patrons on a tour of Superman's life history, including his arrival on the Kent farm!  From there, we get his association with other heroes of the DC Universe (not including the Legion of Super-Heroes, by the way), and even meet some of his rogues gallery (with an homage to the cover of a Bronze Age issue for good measure).

She then goes into spinning a yarn about Superman's final battle... with his greatest foe, Mr. Mxyzptlk... whiiiiich, kinda peters out.  Ya see, Mxy can't commit to an ending for this story... there are just too many options.

Our next story opens in a subway... where a man has a woman held at gunpoint.  Basically, over the next six pages, we learn that Superman is... in fact... faster than a speeding bullet.  It may seem like a cop-out, but there's really not much more to say about it.  We'll expound a bit more about this kinda thing in the "below".

Our final story, is kind of the "main event" of the issue.  It's Brian Michael Bendis' long-awaited debut... and it opens with a bang.  Superman is sent careening through the LexCorp building before slamming into the street below.

He then bounces into what looks like a seafood restaurant.  A couple of women try and drag him away to safety, but find he's wayyy too heavy.  At this point, the new beast on the block shows up!  Also, we get the first cute remark about the "red shorts".

Before the monster can lay into Superman, Supergirl shows up!  She proceeds to pound away on the beastie, but it's rather ineffective.

Inside, Superman pulls himself to his feet... amid more cute remarks about the "red shorts".  He is attacked once more by the monster, who finally introduces himself as Rogol Zaar... what's more, he claims to be responsible for the destruction of Krypton!

--

Okay, I'm going to break one of my own rules here.  I usually hate it when people start a sentence with "Am I the only one...?" or it's cousin, "Is it just me...?", but... am I the only one kinda done with the "Anniversary Anthology"?!  I mean, I understand why they do it... but, I just can't get excited for it.  There are only so many times I can read a "love letter" to a character before I just wanna get on with a story.

Perhaps that's unfair of me to say... I have read probably more than my fair share of milestone/anniversary issues, so maybe my "fatigue" isn't indicative of everyone else's.  I'll concede that that very well might be the case.

That said... whatta we got here?

Well, it's... definitely a lot of "love letters".  And again, I get why they do this.  I'd imagine creators were lining up for the opportunity to take part in this landmark issue... and, "anthological" love-letter stories is probably the best way to make them all fit.

If it were me though, and "love letter" was the route we were going, I'd have simply expanded upon the Tomasi/Gleason "Superman through the Ages" story, and shoved as many creators as possible in there.  I feel like that story was the strongest part of this package... and really made it feel like something special.  Everything else... and I hate to say it, kinda felt like back-ups that would've been stuffed in an Annual to eat up pages or something.

That's not to say any of them were bad, because they weren't... they just didn't say "Action Comics One-Thousand" to me.  I mean, let's look at the "Faster than a Speeding Bullet" piece... was that really necessary?  Six pages to prove that Superman is... faster than a speeding bullet?  Do we still find that sort of thing clever?  Again, it wasn't bad (and the Cassaday art was wonderful), but... Why?!  It ate up pages, that.. I'd have spent fleshing out that Tomasi/Gleason story, popping Superman into six more eras/ages.

And again... I know why they did it this way.  I just wish they hadn't.  Then again, I'm a bit of an odd duck, so it's quite possible you're all rolling your eyes at me right now.  The issue is worth checking out if for no other reason than the novelty of owning a (legitimate-ish) one-thousandth issue.  Despite my crowing, it's clear that the creators involved do have an affection and respect for the character, which is something I definitely can't balk at.  I wish we had some more nods to folks like Cary Bates, Elliot S! Maggin, Roger Stern and John Byrne in here... but, whattayagonnado?  For your convenience, this issue is available digitally... and even has a "Deluxe Edition".

And there ya have it.  One-Thousand Consecutive Days... Tens of Thousands of Images... over a Million words.  Not a bad little "body of work" for a fella who was just trying to overcome some academic writer's block back in January, 2016.  Worth mentioning, I recently discussed the "genesis" of this site on the podcast feed.  If you're interested, please feel free to check it out here:



It's been an unexpected pleasure to be able to share so much of what I'm passionate about... this blog has afforded me the opportunity to broaden my horizons, overcome some fears, and meet some really great people.

I'm going to level with you though... it isn't always easy.  I think I have it in my head where "milestones" actually mean something.  That might actually be because of comics... growing up in the 80's/90's... milestones were usually covered in sparkly-stuff, portraying them with a measure of ceremony and novelty.

I've approached every milestone here similarly.  I try and pick out something "special"... and, when I finish typing, it's almost like I expect trumpets to play and confetti to rain from the ceiling.  But, it's never really that way, is it?  It's just me, leaning back from my kitchen island and exhaling... for about a minute, before beginning to plan what's next.

Which, hey, is a pretty good segue to... What's next?

Ya see, that's a difficult question... because, honestly... I don't know.  I'll come right out and say it... if it isn't eye-meltingly obvious, I have an addictive personality.  The idea of breaking the streak... kinda gives me hives.  I've actually lost a great deal of sleep in the past couple of weeks trying to figure out what comes after today.  And here I sit... still, without an answer!

I guess we'll just play it by ear.

I want to thank everybody who has popped in from time to time... reached out, said "hi", "liked" and/or shared these posts on social media.  That's another thing that has been challenging, especially with these last hundred or so posts.  Folks have reached out to me of late to let me know they hadn't seen any of my tweets in weeks (that almost rhymes).

So, with Twitter "burying" my tweets, as well as the sheer amount of content that comes from our little corner of the internet, the sad reality is... if I'm out of sight, I'm out of mind.  I can't expect folks to keep up this site when there are so many others out there, if they don't see my spam... er, "heads up" tweets.

I think I've probably said everything I want to say for this one.  Once again, thank you to everybody... as cliche as it may sound, there's no way I'd have stuck with this for 1000 days if not for the support and friendship of the community.  It means the world to me.

--

Interesting Ads:

C'mon, couldn't even edit it to say "Bendis is Here"?!

***1000***

Just Imagine Stan Lee... Secret Files & Origins #1 (2002)

Just Imagine Stan Lee... Secret Files & Origins #1 (March, 2002)
"The Coming Crisis!"
Plot/Profiles - Michael Uslan
Dialogue - Stan Lee & Michael Uslan
Pencils - Dan Jurgens
Inks - Bob Layton
Letters - Bill Oakley
Colors - Tom McCraw
Separations - Digital Chameleon
Profile Pencils - Joe Kubert, Jim Lee, John Buscema, Dave Gibbons, Kevin Maguire, John Cassaday, Jerry Ordway, John Byrne, Gary Frank, Scott McDaniel, Chris Bachalo & Walt Simonson
Profile Finishes - Scott Williams, Alex Sinclair, Karl Story, Sandra Hope, Klaus Janson, Stuart Immonen & Richard Friend
Editors - Mike Carlin & Ivan Cohen
Special Thanks - F.J. DeSanto
Cover Price: $4.95

Still in a Marvel mood, and... lemme ask ya, what's more Marvel than Stan "The Man" Lee?  Just Imagine (dot, dot, dot) was a strange turn of the century project where... well, we could stop imagining what it would've been like if Stan played for the other comic book team.  Results were... um, mixed?  Eh, we're getting ahead of ourselves.

Before we start spoilin' stuff, just wanted to say that we'll get back to JLA/Avengers pretty soon, I really appreciate the feedback received on that piece!

--

We open in the offices of The National Exposer where Maria Mendoza is chatting with her boss Mr. Willard about the current boom in the superhero population and the formation of the Justice League.  I was going to wait to spoil this, but let's just get it out of the way now... Maria Mendoza is really Wonder Woman.  This is a Stan Lee story... with Stan Lee charm, so keep an eye out for those alliterations!  Anyhoo, the boss ain't too sure if the League can be called friend or foe, and would like to interview each member.  Hey, this feels like a Secret Files & Origins comic already!

Maria's all "no biggie" and says she'll arrange everything.  Mr. Willard is incredulous at the idea, but Ms. Mendoza heads outside to "give Green Lantern a ring." (har har).  Mere moments later, Green Lantern has arrived!

... but he's not alone!  Lantern finds himself embroiled in a fight with a giant Medusa in a purple fog (or haze, if you prefer).  She claims to be there doing the bidding of *sigh* [Reverend Dominic] Darrk.  During the display, Maria gives Willard a bit of a quick 'n dirty on Lantern's power-set... causing the boss man to suggest he cook up a giant boxing glove to smack the baddie.  Oof.  Anyhoo, Green Lantern nails the Medusa-headed beast with a blast of green... and she's outski, though not before making a few threats about "the coming crisis" (get used to hearing that).

When the dust, er fog settles, Green Lantern chats up the nosy newsies.  He reveals that his powers are environmental in nature... humans pollute, donchaknow.  We also learn that he is the embodiment of Yggdrasil, the Tree of Life.  He suggests the purple energy is a result of an other-dimensional Deathlord, who will become an ally of Dominic Darrk during... the coming crisis!

He continues, tying together this new batch of superheroes with the Earth's release of a green mist... which could also effect those on neighboring planets, which is, ya know... awfully convenient.  So, here's the deal... Earth, in an attempt at self-preservation, released a green gas with superpower-granting qualities.  Goooo, Planet!  Before Lantern takes his leave he makes it clear that Darrk and his... oy, Church of Eternal Empowerment be exposed.  Is this a sect full of litterbugs and folks who run the faucet the whole time they brush their teeth?  Who knows.

Next up, Maria makes a phone call to Superman's Gir... er, Agent, Lois Lane.  It's not long before the Man of Ste..., yeah, I can't do it... it's not long before he shows up... right through the window... which seems, excessive.  At least it's being played for laughs.  Anyhoo, I oughta mention that he has an S-shaped scar over his left eye... which is, for much of this story colored the same as his hair, making it look less like a scar, and more like one wild lock of hair.

Anyhoo, before they can get down to "business", Superman hears a noise outside... so, he bursts out another window to check it out.  There's a car on fire, which only serves to allow him to do the iconic "holding a car over his head" pose, before chucking the clunker into space.

He then bursts back into the office... breaking a third window, to conclude the interview.  Superman is not opposed to the idea that his powers were brought on by exposure to mist.  They chat about the coming crisis, and the danger of Dominic Darrk.  Willard suggests it's a job for Superman... but Superman corrects him, this is actually a job for mankind as a whole!

We next meet Willard and Mendoza standing on the shoulder of Interstate-10, where they await the arrival of the Flash.  Just as Willard is complaining about her tardiness, she arrives and takes him on a rapid world tour.  While in her arms, he asks about the green mist connection... she ain't buying it.  She believes her powers are the result of something to do with hummingbird DNA.  Okay then.  He then asks if she thinks she's the "weak link" of the JLA... which, is probably a stupid thing to ask, right?  To demonstrate that she's not, she runs really fast... and makes him vomit.  That'll learn 'im!

Next stop... well, it ain't Gotham City... it's Century City, Los Angeles, where we join Batman and his ponytailed detective buddy as they take down a pair of criminals.  Hilariously, this is when Willard and Mendoza wander up.  I mean, dude just finished beating up a few bad guys, and these two just saunter up to ask questions.  

Before we go on, I gotta say... this costume is the pits.  Anyhoo, he ain't keen on giving interviews... but they press him anyway.  They ask about the green mist... and he says (over and over) that he has no superpowers.  Now, we know Batman doesn't have powers, but does that seem like a wise thing to advertise?  I mean, that just seems foolish.  Anyhoo, he splits, Maria makes an Altoids joke... and our POV pair heads back to the office.

Along the way, Willard asks about Wonder Woman.  Maria's all "no prob, Bob" (well, Bill... because his name is totally William Willard) because, as we know... she is Wonder Woman.  And so, she appears before him at the offices, corroborates the story of the green mist... and talks about the coming crisis.

Our adventure ends as she summons the rest of the Justice League for a very DC seance, where they search for allies on another Earth... where they find Robin, Shazam, Aquaman, Catwoman, and Sandman!

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Well... hmm... I don't wanna say it.  Like, I really don't wanna say it.

Okay, this was... something.  I can't rightly say it was bad, because it wasn't... while at the same time, I can't say it was all that great.  I hated that for an event of this scope and import, we were treating Stan Lee as a novelty act.  Relying too much on tropes, fan-service and corniness rather than actually trying to tell a compelling story in the old Marvel way.  This felt like it should have come with a Stan Lee checklist... 

Now, it's hard to hold this against anyone... because, I think to many, at this point just having Stan write anything for DC Comics was worth the price of admission... I know it was for younger-Chris.  However, with such a "big" project, I feel like more effort should have went into the actual story than "Here are the heroes with alliterative civilian names"... oh yeah, and "Captain Planet Crisis".

I really didn't dig the character designs here either.  I think I'd have preferred just giving Stan Lee an issue of each "big" DC book to write.  Let him craft a nice mainstream story, build a threat, and pay it off.  Either that or (and this would never happen), Just Imagine Stan Lee creating... Spider-Man/X-Men/Fantastic Four/etc. in the DC Universe.  Those would have been interesting... at least in concept.  This endeavor just felt like a let-down... I felt that way in '02, and unfortunately, I still feel that way today.

For this issue in particular... well, it's a Secret Files & Origins... it's pretty much exactly what you'd expect from one of those.  It's a great way to catch us all up on the characters, their origins, motivations, yadda yadda... and solidify our threat leading into the grand finale.  The cover price is a bit excessive (as all SFO's are) but there's still some decent moments here... plus, profiles (see below)!  I'm not sold on the "green mist" concept... I'm not sure the members of the League needed to be tied together so tightly.  It feels like this group is compelled to band together, rather than choosing to, which makes the entire affair seem less genuine.

Dan Jurgens art was what we'd expect... great, clean, superhero action.  My only complaint about the art is in the coloring of Superman's scar... which, is minor.  While I'm not keen on the character designs, Jurgens did a great job making them "work".  It's so weird to consider that these characters were designated their own Earth during Multiversity.  Being a fan of "everything fitting in", I can't say that I'm against that.

Overall... ya know, there is enough novelty value here that I couldn't advise against grabbing Just Imagine...'s, it is Stan Lee writing for the Distinguished Competition, which is... ya know, interesting... wouldn't recommend paying the $5 cover price for the privilege, though (which I did).  Personally, I can't help but be disappointed... not that I expected the story/event to knock my socks off... I just wasn't expecting it to put me to sleep.

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Profiles:

 

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(Certainly Not the) Letters Page:

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