NML Crossing, Episode 083 - JLA #32 (1999)

NML Crossing, Episode Eighty-Three

JLA #32 (August, 1999)
“Inside Job”
Writers - Mark Waid & Devin Grayson
Pencils - Mark Pajarillo
Inks - Walden Wong
Letters - Ken Lopez
Colors - Pat Garrahy & Heroic Age
Edits - Tony Bedard, Dan Raspler
Cover Price: $1.99

Back after an extended break for something a little bit different... attempting to answer the question as to why the Justice League didn't just pop into Gotham City and save the day. I say "attempting", because we really don't get much in the way of an actual answer... but, we get some fun action with some throwaway baddies from JLA: Year One all the same.

The Bada-Bin!

NML Crossing on Youtube

https://gothamquake.com

https://chrisisoninfiniteearths.com

weirdcomicshistory@gmail.com

DCU Holiday Bash! #1 (Flash)

DCU Holiday Bash! #1 (Flash)
"Present Tense"
Writers - Brian Augustyn & Mark Waid
Pencils - Paul Ryan
Inks - Dick Giordano
Colors - Tom McCraw
Letters - John Costanza
Editors - Mike Carlin & Darren Vincenzo

It's December 6th... which, is one of those days on the calendar that's always stuck out for me.  Some thirty-five years ago, when I was in first grade, we had our Christmas Field Trip on December 6th... and, for whatever reason, it's remained as sort of a touchstone day in the countdown to Christmas ever since.

Weird stuff ya remember...

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We open twenty-minutes before Wally and Linda's Christmas Party, and the former has just set up the Tree.  He's overly pleased with himself, not only for that, but because this year, he'd found the perfect gift for his girlfriend: The Fastest Microwave Oven on Earth.  Woof.  C'mon, dude.  Anyhoo, as he's just about to wrap his gift, he overhears Linda on the phone with her mother.  She excitedly reports that this year, she told Wally exactly what she wanted... and she's sure to be getting just that.  Our man is absolutely gobsmacked... as he doesn't remember any such discussion having taken place!

And so... he suits up, jams out, and tries to figure out just what this perfect gift might've been!  First stop, Boone's Department Store downtown.  Inside he sees the second ugliest sweater in this story (Wally's own sweater from earlier might've just edged it out).  He decides the gift Linda wanted must've been... a scarf.  He buys the thing, only to realize it's 100% cashmere... which Linda is allergic to.  Imagine that, a cashmere allergy?

Since shops are about to close up for the night... Mr. West must go west.  Next stop, Poccini's in Beverly Hills.  There, he sees the same ugly sweater... and flashes back to the chat he and Linda had about gifts.  The discussion just so happened to have occurred right in front of these nasty sweaters... only problem being, for the life of him, he cannot remember what she said!  He decides here to buy her an expensive cosmetics case.  When the shop-girl asks what Linda does for a living, he tells her that she's on the TV news... to which, the girl informs him that, Linda's got a half-dozen people prettying up her face, the last thing she'll need is a make-up kit!

Rushing through the time-zones, our next stop is Hawaii!  Wally stops at a Curio Shop, where... hey, wouldja lookit that, the ugly sweaters are there!  Wally winds up choosing a piece of jewelry... which is all well and good, until he learns that it's a wedding band.  Whoops.

And so, further West we go... so far West, it become East!  Flash arrives in Hong Kong... and nearly buys some scary statues for his lady love, before thinking better of it.  Defeated, he heads out of the shop and slumps against the wall.  When he looks up, he sees the Wong Fu Factory Outlet... which, just so happens to be filled to the brim with, say it with me, those ugly sweaters!  Again Wally racks his brain to try and remember what Linda asked for... and, it finally comes to him!

We rejoin Wally at the Christmas Party, where Linda has just opened her gift.  Heyyy, it's the ugly sweater!  She's, uh, not entirely sure what to make of such a grand gesture.  Wally informs her that this isn't for her to wear, but as a reminder of the conversation they had in front of the display at the store... about what Linda really wanted for Christmas.

Turns out, Linda didn't want nuthin'!  She was telling Wally that she has everything she could ever need... and gifts don't prove anything.  I mean, that begs the question as to what she was telling her mother over the phone earlier... but, whattayagonnado?  Wally and Linda embrace, and prepare to share a long winter's nap.

--

This was cute.  Sure, we gotta kinda twist some things to make it work... but, it's still a cute story.

I'm not the biggest fan of making Wally into a sorta clueless sitcom dad/husband.  I mean, a microwave oven?  C'mon, dude.  I'd expect a bit more from him than that... especially from the fellas who write his monthly adventures.

Second, Linda's conversation with her mother.  Why wouldn't she have just said, "I told him not to get me anything" rather than, "I told him exactly what to get me...", when that thing is... "nothing"?  Nobody talks like that.  It just doesn't make any sense.  Least it served its purpose by getting this story off and running (pun!).

The story overall was pretty neat... gave me some "warm fuzzies", which I suppose is good enough.

Tomorrow: A new version of the same Batman Christmas story we've seen a dozen times already!

ACW #641 - Human Target

Action Comics Weekly #641 (Human Target)
"The Pow! Zap! Wham! Contract"
Writer - Mark Waid
Pencils - Curt Swan
Inks - Dick Giordano
Letters - Albert DeGuzman
Colors - Bob LeRose
Editor - Brian Augustyn

Ya know what?  I've been looking at this Human Target "trade dress" I made for eleven months now... just waiting for the time to use it.  This is another one of those "hitting home" moments for me.  Not exactly sure what I expected out of this project way back in January when I set it into motion... but, with today's piece, it really feels like a substantial amount of time has passed us by.

Time's a cruel S.O.B., ain't it?

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We open with Courageous Man and Minute Lad sliding recklessly toward the evil Pastafazool's Pasta-Maker of Death.  With only a moment to spare, C.M. shoots the rotor blades of the machine, causing it to explode!  We then shift ahead a bit, to the same pair of heroes nearly drowning in a pool of yogurt?!  What in the world are we looking at?

Well, I'm so glad you asked... what we're looking at is, a television show, not unlike that mid-60's Batman series that everyone in the world but me seems to love!  Courageous Man and Minute Kid are a campy pair of superheroes, who find themselves regularly tossed into madcap deathtraps... only, these days, there seems to be a little bit more going on behind the scenes.  Ya see, Bill Anderson, who plays Courageous Man on television, feels like he might be a target... in the past little while, several of these fake deathtraps have malfunctioned on set, each time nearly costing him his life.  And so, he's decided to call in a certain Private Investigator to check things out.

Christopher Chance asks Anderson why he doesn't just quit... but, it ain't that easy.  If he leaves the show, he'll lose his syndication royalties... or something.  So, Chance takes the case... and takes over both roles in Bill's life!

On set, we meet three of Anderson's co-workers.  Perry Klein, a director who doesn't seem to have any patience for "Bill's" near-misses... Frazier White, a producer who kind of dotes on "Bill", and seems very nervous about all of the recent accidents... and, Doug Duncan, the little jerk who plays Minute Lad... he's a real piece of work, this one.

We jump into a montage of Chance portraying Courageous Man... and it looks like he's taken to the role like a fish to water.  In fact, he's actually performing a little too well.  He catches the attention of an electrician named Barney who had been hired on to check into all of the recent malfunctions.  Barney greets "Bill" and, realizing it's a different dude under the mask, invites him to meet up that night so he can give him some information.  In his excitement, however, he might've spoken a bit too loudly... looks like li'l Dougie Duncan overheard the whole thing!

That night, at midnight, Chance-as-Bill goes to meet with Barney... only to find him dead!  Deceased!  Moidered, even!

Upon inspection of the body, Chris curiously finds a match clutched between the electrician's fingers.  Hmm... that might be useful in solving the crime... ya know, in the most convenient way possible.

The following morning, Chase makes his big reveal.  He is, in fact, not Bill Anderson.  He explains everything that's gone down... the deathtrap "malfunctions", the murder of Barney the Electrician... and says that the person responsible for the whole magilla is in this room right now.  He then pops a cigarette in his mouth, and asks for a light.

Both Doug Duncan and Frazier White offer him a light... and A-Ha!  Mr. White uses matches instead of a lighter!  Bingo-Bango, there's our killer!

Frazier attempts to beat a hasty retreat, but gets tied up in Courageous Man's gimmick bolo-gun-projectile-thing.  Turns out, Mr. White was trying to kill Bill Anderson for the insurance money!  It's always for the insurance money, ain't it?  We wrap up with Chance being offered Bill's role on the show... wonk, wonk, wonnnnnk.

--

Well, that was worth waiting forty-two weeks for, wasn't it?

I kid, I kid... I actually quite enjoyed this little one-off.  A neat change of pace, and really... an indictment on the potential Action Comics Weekly had as a concept.  I feel like we should have had more things like this... not everything needed to be an overlong serial... one-and-done's would've been just as good (better, even!).

Just thinking back to some of the ridiculously drawn-out arcs we've endured during this run... many of them would have been so much better if they were condensed... heck, some even cut in half.  That could've left room for little one-off's like this one.  Just think of all of the under-appreciated characters and concepts in the DC Universe... they could've had a home here in ACW.

Even looking at folks like the Phantom Stranger... who, if you're a seasoned reader of this here blog, you'll know he ain't one of my faves... even he worked (for me) in the short-bursts in which he was presented here.  He only stumbled in quality (to me) when we got him in that awful four-part arc.

I'm taking the scenic route here, but all's I'm trying to say is... they should've been more "experimental" with this... experimental concept.

So, what about today's story?  It was decent and fun.  Not likely to rock any socks, but solid storytelling that gives you most everything you'll need to know about the lead character.  Granted, the "gotcha" was a bit contrived... I'm not quite sure "Your Honor, he lights his cigarettes with matches!" would hold up in court... but, whattayagonnado?

Overall... I was pleased with this one quite a bit, so much so that it really shone a light on the unmet potential of this entire endeavor!

Tomorrow: The final Superman two-pager we'll (hopefully) ever read!

Flash (vol.2) #73 (1993)

Flash (vol.2) #73 (February, 1993)
"One Perfect Gift"
Story - Mark Waid
Pencils - Greg LaRocque
Inks - Roy Richardson
Letters - Tim Harkins
Colors - Matt Hollingsworth
Assistant Editor - Ruben Diaz
Editor - Brian Augustyn
Cover Price: $1.25

Can ya believe it?  It's already time to kick off our (third annual!) Twelve Days of Christmas on Infinite Earths extravaganza!  Just another reminder of how quickly time passes when y'ain't paying attention!  Any bets on how many of these synopsises are going to begin with "It's Christmas Eve..."?

Now, not including the issue we're going to look at today, there are 38 other Christmas-themed books that have been covered on the blog.  You can click the Christmas on Infinite Earths button to check those out, if you're still feeling holly and jolly!

Another cool thing I just realized, once we're through this round of "Twelve Days", we'll be sitting at an even 50 Christmas Discussions/Reviews!

In the "down-below" portion of this piece, I did a little bit of decorating... the last two-years worth of "Twelve Days" trees, if you're interested in giving them a look.  Not sure how they look on mobile... okay, just checked... looks good... only if you hold your phone sideways though!

Anyhoo... let's kick things off with Christmas Eve with the Flash Family!

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It's Christmas Eve... and Wally and Linda are sharing the evening with the Garricks.  Wally is being especially anal about trimming the tree... which totally hits home with me.  I'm the same way, only without the benefits of super-speed.  In the kitchen, Jay and Joan Garrick are preparing dinner and discussing how great it is to be having a "family Christmas" once again.  They're also being constantly interrupted by Wally, who'd really like to help out with the meal.  Joan asks Jay to removing the well-meaning speedster before she kills him.  Yeah, that one hits home too...

The Flashes rush into town, and talk a little bit about times past.  Jay asks if Wally is thinking about proposing to Linda anytime soon... but he dodges that one, artfully.  Then they start talking about Christmas... it's been a minute since they'd last shared one, and now Wally's a full-blown growed-up!  Wally talks about how the magic of Christmas has shifted from "gifts" to "family"... and while understanding that's the way it oughta be, still misses the thrill of unwrapping something like a baseball mitt on Christmas morning.  Yup... another emotion that's hittin' home with me!

The fellas do a bit of work at a soup kitchen before deciding to head back home.  As they're leaving, however, they notice a very pregnant woman wandering through traffic!  Wally performs a quick-save, and the poor woman is just babbling on about trying to stop someone.

Turns out her husband (Joey) is losing his job that very day, and is looking to explore some nefarious means to procure some cash.  At present, he's wrapping up his last day working at Boone's Department Store... from there, some wise guys have put him up to robbing their night deposit box!  Just as she says this... wouldn'tcha know it, she goes into labor!  Jay decides to fetch some doctors for the delivery, while Wally heads to Boone's.

Wally arrives at the Department Store... and, considering it's Christmas Eve, the place is an absolute zoo!  He makes several passes through the joint, and is unable to find the fella he's looking for.  Now, if you're thinking about a person who works in a Department Store until Christmas Eve... you might be thinking of, well, one of dozens of "seasonal employees"... or perhaps, the store's resident Santa!

After a few passes, Wally figures that out too!  He asks one of the "elves" where Santa got off to... and it turns out he knocked off for the night.  Wally speeds away in pursuit just as the store manager informs the "elf" that a five-year old boy has gone missing.

We join Joey as he's looting Boone's night deposit... all the while asking for forgiveness.  I guess it's that whole "would you steal a loaf of bread to feed your family?" sort of thing.  As he leaves, bag full'a dough, he's approached by that missing five-year old... who chased after him to tell him what he wants for Christmas.  Turns out, all he wants is for his father to come back from jail.

This little moment of profundity is all it takes for Joey to realize the error of his ways.  He goes to take the boy back to the Department Store (with a brief pit stop to return some things to the night deposit)... unfortunately, the wise guys show up, and they're not happy about Joey's sudden change of heart.

And, get this... they just start unloading their guns at him!  Wow, I mean, can't we talk about this?  Oh well, it's a moot point anyway, because Wally arrived just in the nick of time to catch all'a da bullets.

After wrapping up the bad guys, Wally tells Joey that he's gotta get over to the church, because he's about to be a daddy.

We wrap up on later that night, where the Flash Family screws with Wally a little bit... saying that they're all going to wait until morning to open their gifts.  Linda finally gives him permission to open one of his gifts...

... and it's a baseball mitt!  How'bout dat?

As Wally thanks Linda for giving him a little of that childhood Christmas magic back... the doorbell rings.  Well, just who in the world could that be?  Well, it looks like the Christmas Miracles aren't done yet... it's Barry Allen?!?!  It's such a shock, Wally's hair turned blonde!

--

Heckuva fun issue right here!

Strongest part for me, is probably the part I can relate most to... and that's how Christmas changes when you grow-up.  I remember as a kid, looking forward to Christmas Day... I just couldn't wait to open my gifts and whatnot.  Nowadays, Christmas Day is the one day I dread the most, because it means that the Holidays are over.  That warm time with family and friends... it's just done, and everyone's gotta go back to work and real life.

I'd assume you might be able to recapture that "magic" as an adult through your children... their reactions, their excitement, their wonderment.  But as a still-childless fella, that really isn't an option for me at the moment.  I still hold out hope for that "baseball mitt" under the tree though.

I really dig the Flash Family dynamic.  One of the things I miss most about the pre-Flashpoint DC Universe is the Justice Society members as sort of the "grandparents" of the DCU.  Legacy and family are the cornerstones of DC Comics... and to flush 'em for a few months beating Marvel in sales... big-time jerk move.  C'mon, even though it's Christmas, I still gotta get my New-52! digs in!

The Joey/Maria story... ehh, it was a nice little moralistic tale... and it ended the way it should have.  Christmas stories need happy endings, I feel.

The twist ending, though?  Man, I wish I were following this title back in the winter of 1992... and understood the significance of what a Barry Allen return meant!  It's really just about the biggest cliffhanger you could hope for as a post-Crisis Flash fan!  Really just great stuff all around.

Overall... I'd say if you're a Flash fan, this is one ya gotta read.  If you're a sucker for Christmas comics... this is one that'll leave ya smiling.  This one is available digitally.

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Letters Page:

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On the First Day of Christmas on Infinite Earths, I gave to you a Flash #73 Discussion and Review.

"12 Days Tree" 2017:

"12 Days Tree" 2016:

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