Action Comics #569 (July, 1985)
"The Force of Revenge"
"Casting Call"
Story & Layouts - Dennis Yee
Script - Paul Kupperberg
Writer (back-up) - Michael J. Wolff
Pencillers - Irv Novick & Howard Bender
Inkers - Rodin Rodriguez & Pablo Marcos
Letterers - Duncan Andrews & Gaspar
Colorist - Gene D'Angelo
Editor - Julius Schwartz
Cover Price: $0.75
Toss an arrow in the bins... where it lands, I guess we'll read that one. Sorry, my rhyme game is way off this morning. Been awhile since I used that gimmick.
Today we're going to look at a completely random issue of Action Comics... we don't do nearly enough of those. Normally when I choose the books we're going to discuss there's at least a little bit of a reason why... today, however, we're just flyin' by the seat of our pants.
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Our first story opens with Clark Kent returning to his office at the Galaxy Building after some Supermanning. He arrives just as there is a knock at the door, from... Lois Lane. She enters, and... wow, does her hair look like a helmet... maybe a hood. Anyhoo, she asks that Clark take a look at a chapter she just roughed up for her book. He's more than happy to comply. Before Lois leaves him to it, she asks about his relationship with Lana... but doesn't get all that much information in response. We can see that Lois regrets that she might've "missed the boat" on our Mr. Kent.
We then shift scenes to Del Mar High School where Tina "Dogface" Gerber is walking toward her locker. As she enters the hallway, we see a pair of goofs (one with a really bad mohawk) messing with it. Turns out they just stuffed a mean Valentine into it. Tina throws it to the ground, and runs home... where she proceeds to throw herself down on her bed. She falls asleep thinking to herself how much she hates everyone... and herself.
From those thoughts manifest... Rhavenj (say it out loud)... a creature who feeds on a lust for, well, revenge.
It turns out that tonight is the annual Del Mar High "Boogie Night", or maybe it's the Prom... or maybe the Prom's theme is "Boogie Night", which feels at least a decade passed its "sell by" date in 1985. Lois Lane is there in order to research "today's proms"... and finds herself with a front-row seat to Rhavenj's rampage!
She manages to slip away, and makes a phone call to Clark Kent to see if he might be able to get a hold of Superman. That's all he needs to hear... even though he'd be leaving Lana and their romantic din-din behind.
Superman arrives at Del Mar High, and a fight is on! We can see that Tina Gerber is still dreaming, and can feel all of the pain and anger she's inflicting. Superman slams Rhavenj with some heat vision... to which, the baddie then hits Lois Lane with some "heat vision" of his own... which fills her with hatred toward Superman! Wrapping her fingers around his throat, she lets out all of her frustration of having her heart broken time and again by the Man of Steel.
Superman is finally able to talk her down... and it's pretty strange. He doesn't tell her he "loves" her to get her to cool her jets... he instead explained how he "loved" her, like past tense. She eventually calms down.
This love... or former love... or whatever, is enough to turn Rhavenj into a pile of ash and a waft of brimstone stench. I didn't see a "BAMF!" sound-effect, so we can probably assume he's gone for good.
We hop back to Tina Gerber's bedroom, where she groggily wakes up... recalling the "dream" she just had. Suddenly, the phone rings! It's one of those bullies from earlier. It would seem his recent brush with Rhavenj has made him change his tune. He apologizes to Tina and asks if they could put the past behind them, and be friends!
We wrap up with Superman dropping Lois off at her apartment. They kinda linger in the embrace for a few seconds too long before stepping apart. Superman suggests maybe they give their romance a try one more time... to which, Lois tells him that neither of them will be able to change enough to make that actually work. The same problems will continue to arise. And so, Superman bids her g'nite.
That story might be over, but we're not done yet! Let's get to the back-up... where we find a line-up of people in Superman costumes (uh, just like the cover). We learn that this is a "casting call" for a Superman movie to be produced by the M'Vorn aliens... who kinda look like mutant octopuses. They're a peaceful bunch who wish to make the movie in tribute of the Man of Steel to thank him for saving their planet.
Since their entire race looks like... well, mutant octopuses, they needed to come to Earth in order to find the perfect bi-pedal actor.
Superman, the real one, arrives and checks in with Tufta'Dl, the M'Vorn First Minister for Pleasurably Stimulating Optical Results (oy), and tries to get the skinny on what's going on. Ya see, the crowd in the street is a very mixed one, and frankly... not very many of them look like the Real Steel Deal. Then... we get the punchline (for the first time... second if you count the cover) the M'Vorn can't tell humans apart... if you've seen one, you've seen 'em all.
We head back outside and take a look at one very desperate actor... who proceeds to strap a makeshift jetpack to his back in order to get the aliens' attention. This doesn't go all that well... and results in the apartment the aliens are occupying being filled with smoke.
From the smoke the aliens hear the sound of coughing... which they confuse with poetry. They find the culprit, Michael Betker, and decide he'd make the perfect Superman for their film.
We get the "all humans look alike" schtick again... because, admit it, it was so funny the first couple of times, and Superman decides to let this poor goof leave with the aliens... not knowing if he'll ever return home again.
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Well, this is kinda the very definition of "mixed bag", ain't it?
Let's get the back-up out of the way first... because... well, let's just get that out of the way. The entire thing is just the gag from the cover. It's like they had this "wacky" idea that an alien might not be able to tell humans apart... then decided to stretch that concept into an eight-page story.
I mean, it's not the worst thing... but it joke was sure stretched thin by the end of it. The art was fun, I'll give it that. It was pretty neat seeing a Julius Schwartz cameo... and izzat John F. Kennedy making that funny face at us on the cover? I guess he was back from his adventures in space.
Onto the "main" feature... it was equally silly, in that odd "revenge fantasy" kinda way. I mean, I guess when you're bullied you might fantasize about taking all of the power away from your tormentors... and in the DC Universe, I suppose that might cause you to manifest a punny-named revenge demon. No harm, no foul... but, if you ask me, that's not what sticks with ya after reading this.
The best bit, at least to me, is the weird love tria... er, rhombus, between Lois, Clark, Lana and Superman. It's especially interesting seeing Superman really conflicted about who he might want to be with. I mean, in his civvies, he's Lana's guy... but he runs off to help Lois without much coercion. Also, that bit at the end... he suggests they (Lois and Superman) give their romance one more try. That's some pretty complicated stuff... what then happens to the Lana/Clark relationship? Do we go full-blown "Superman Red/Superman Blue" here? It's all very interesting.
I'm not sure if we're supposed to feel sympathy for Lana here... clearly being the thir...er, fourth wheel (fourth wheel doesn't sound terribly inconvenient, does it?). I can say... I really don't. Maybe that makes me a bad dude... but, Lana just irritates the heck out of me... especially in this pre-Crisis, calling everybody "luv/love" persona. Yuck.
Overall, I'd say this isn't required reading by any stretch... if you're an Action completionist (like the idiot whose words you're reading) then it's a no-brainer... otherwise, ehh.
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Letters Page:
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Interesting Ads:
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Action Comics #567 (May, 1985)
"Peri(l) in Paradise!"
"The League of Superman Watchers!"
Writers - Bob Rozakis & Michael J. Wolff
Pencillers - Kurt Schaffenberger & Alex Saviuk
Inkers - Dave Hunt & Dennis Jensen
Letterers - Ben Oda & Bob Lappan
Colorist - Gene D'Angelo
Editor - Julius Schwartz
Cover Price: $0.75
Had so much fun "meeting" the Yellow Peri yesterday... I figure why not keep it going?
I became curious enough yesterday to check the DC Wikia and see how many appearances this young lady made... and found that... welp, there weren't all that many! I also found that... outside of the New Adventures of Superboy issues that introduced her... I've pretty much got all of em! My not knowing that ought to tell you just how large and unruly my "to read" pile(s) are.
Anyhoo... we're going to jump nearly a year later than the story we read yesterday and check in with our favorite gal... and third or fourth favorite Alvin.
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We open in Coaltown... which we'll assume is in reference to an actual town in Pennsylvania (that may or may not be called "Coaltown"). It's here that Superman is being honored for extinguishing an underground coal fire and saving the entire town. Lois Lane has been sent to cover the event for the Planet... and doesn't seem terribly happy to be there. The Coaltowners erect a statue of Superman... made of coal. To ensure people can see it from far and wide, Superman super-heats the thing and encases it in an airless glass canister so it glows a bright red.
After the ceremony, Superman offers to fly Lois home... knowing full well that she has other business nearby. Kind of a silly thing to do... but whatever gets ya the "good guy points" I guess. We learn that next up on both Lois and Clark's agendas is a visit to another Pennsylvania town where weird stuff is afoot. They are to pose as a married couple and look into a real estate scam. Perry White is very adamant that they do so... and has (for reasons that are never explained) instructed them both several times over.
And so, we jump ahead to Paradise Pines, Pennsylvania where Lois and Clark meet up and prepare for their little real estate sting. As they pull in, we see some very familiar faces... why, it's Alvin and Loretta York!
Big Al's the man behind the scam, and immediately goes into salesman mode. He has Loretta encase the foursome in a climate control bubble... and then makes it snow outside. Gotta say, this is probably the best way to "experience" snow. I ran into my first snow in about twenty years last month... and good God, that stuff's cold!
Anyhoo... since this is the Yellow Peri... every spell comes with a bit of trouble. As she "shuts down" her exhibition... the snow melts, causing a terrible flood! Didn't see that coming!
Clark uses the distraction of... ya know, everyone nearly drowning, to "supe-up". Once in uniform he uses his super-breath to freeze the water... with Alvin precariously inside it... which seems a bit risky, don't it? He frees the geek then carries the ice off where it can safely turn into rain.
Once the dust (and waters) settle... we move on to the Yorks' next trick. Here in Pleasant Pines... you can plant a seed in the morning... and eat what you planted for lunch! Lois, Clark, and the rest pick their produce and proceed to picnic under the pines (imagine how much I might've spit if I said that out loud!). Lois, oddly, doesn't seem to have much of a problem with the use of magic to make plants grow... after all, it's not "illegal".
We rejoin the gang as they chomp away... and suddenly, Clark is overwhelmed by a strange urge... to tell the truth! And so, he removes his shirt... revealing to the group that he is Superman! He then admits to being in love with Lois Lane... and proposes marriage! Also worth noting, Alvin admits that his entire deal is a con game! There must be something in the produce!
The Yellow Peri is overwhelmed by the romance... and goes to hug her husband... who admits that he only married her to win a bet! And, the only reason he stuck around is to exploit her magical powers. Moments later, Superman arrives... with a Justice of the Peace under his arm... and the wedding is underway! Boy howdy, is it romantic!
Before the JoP can officially declare Lois and Superman to be man and wife, the Yellow Peri admits that she's in love with Superman... and won't allow anyone else to be his bride! Suddenly, the fruits and vegetables begin exploding... and so, Superman springs to action. Lois, realizing she'll never be Superman's first priority calls off the wedding. Wow, we're not wasting any time, are we?
What follows is Superman fighting tomatoes... and shielding the crowd from explosive popcorn. It's somehow even sillier than I'm making it sound. The Yellow Peri tosses her spellbook at Alvin, but Superman is able to intercept. He goes to throw it into the Sun... but finds that the tome is stuck to his hand!
Paradise Pines is soon overtaken by giant roots... and Superman still can't get rid of the book. He attempts to destroy it using his heat-vision... but that doesn't work either. Alvin runs up to grab the book... but gets blown away for his efforts.
Superman (somehow) deduces that if he can coat the book in lead... it would cancel out the spell, and everything will go back to normal. Only problem being... he still can't let go of the thing. So... he digs a hole revealing Galena Ore (the main ore of lead, donchaknow)... with which he wipes the book. Bada-bing bada-boom, everything's coolio.
Everyone and every-thing returns to normal... and nobody remembers why they're hanging out in this weird Pennsylvania lot. Lois and Clark head home... without a story... and also, without that spellbook. Will the Yellow Peri come back? Well... not for like twenty years...
Our back-up story... because (sigh) there is one... opens in the apartment of a Mr. Philip Strick... a man who desperately wants to join "The League of Superman Watchers". The, uh, what now?
The League of Superman Watchers! A group of grown people who are enamored by Superman. A group, that Clark Kent speaks to like... all the time. He's been their guest speaker a whole bunch of times.
After his presentation, Clark chats up... some guy, perhaps the Chairman of the League of Superman Watchers (imagine having that title on a business card!). Clark inquires about... Philip Strick... and it's here that we learn that our LoSW hopeful is... blind! Seems like the League of Superman Watchers might be a bit "ableist".
We shift back to Strick's pad, where his Superman diagnostic computer... thing is interfering with the television signal of his next-door neighbor.
The ne'er do well neighbor heads over to give the poor blind man a piece of his mind... but before he can, he overhears just what he's up to. Turns out our man has nearly deduced Superman's secret identity!
Superman peeks in to check on Strick... and is shocked at the progress the man has made. He's even more shocked to discover that his next-door neighbor is nogoodnik Walter Perkins... who is also hard at work cracking the Superman case.
Superman ponders his next move. He could simply squash the proceedings, but that would ruin any chance Strick has of joining the League. I dunno, Superman... I think you should risk it. Anyhoo... he heads off to talk to that League Chairm... er, President to discuss strategy. Meanwhile, Perkins is off trying to sell his secret to "Boss" Sweeney.
Luckily, Sweeney ain't buyin' what Perkins is selling... and kicks him out of his office. I'm guessing the Superman Watchers just flooded him with fake "leads" on Superman's civilian identity? Maybe? Enraged, Perkins heads back to the apartment with all intentions of beating up his blind neighbor. Unfortunately for him, Superman is there... and, everything works out... I guess? I dunno... this ending doesn't really stick the landing for me. I guess what's important is Philip Strick joins the Watchers.
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You ever spent an entire night cramming for a test you have to take the next morning? All this information... maybe half of it makes a lick of sense... and you just know that by morning, most of it will have evacuated your brain?
That's kinda the story of Action Comics #567. We have a pair of "ehh" stories... with so much weird and half-explained information... and I really can't make much sense out of any of it.
To add to the "cramming" analogy... I must admit, there were entire pages of this issue I had to reread, because I kept feeling like I missed something! Turns out... I didn't... the stories were just really light on explanation. Not that I need to be guided by the hand (well, maybe I do), but I think there's too much here that we're just supposed to "accept".
It's like... okay, we've got this magical produce... that makes people tell the truth? Wha--? I looked to see if there were any clever wordplay to allude to this... but came up empty! I'll always concede that I might be too dense to pick up on something... but I really don't think this one's on me!
Even the tiniest plot points left me scratching my head. Why did they make a point of saying Perry White repeated himself when giving out this assignment? Was that supposed to lead somewhere? Does it lead somewhere later? I dunno... just seems an odd thing to spend any time on (and here I am typing an entire paragraph about it!).
Then... there's the spellbook. Five seconds earlier, Superman was attempting to hurl it into the Sun. But instead, leaves it with Loretta (and Alvin) to discover all over again? Da hale? Luckily... judging from the fact that she won't surface again until the mid-2000's, it seems as though she doesn't.
Also worth noting... Superman doesn't exactly use "kid gloves" when dealing with Alvin here, does he? I mean, he froze the poor dude in the flood... and blew him into a giant watermelon! Seems a bit "fast and loose" with the powers there, pal.
The art here was what we've come to expect from late-pre-Crisis Superman... though, I'll never be able to accept Lois' Dumb and Dumber bangs. She really looks nothing like she does on the cover. Then again, Superman kind of looks like a creep on the cover, and looks normal on the inside. Whattayagonnado?
The back-up story... was, well... something that happened. It really didn't do much for me... and I haven't the foggiest idea why it exists. The League of Superman Watchers seems like something out of the Silver Age... not something I'd expect from a mid-80's book. I can't get mad at it as a concept... but the execution was a bit lacking.
This felt like a full-blown fill-in issue shrunk in size to fit a back-up strip... it opened so slowly... then, out of nowhere, kicked into high-gear and... ended! Ehh. Not for me.
Overall... if you're only going to read one Yellow Peri story... read the one we discussed yesterday.
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Letters Page:
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Interesting Ads:
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Toss an arrow in the bins... where it lands, I guess we'll read that one. Sorry, my rhyme game is way off this morning. Been awhile since I used that gimmick.
