Learn Me The Legion, Episode 1 - Origin Stories & Adventure Comics #247

Learn Me The Legion, Episode One

Origin Stories & Adventure Comics #247 (April, 1958)

"The Legion of Super-Heroes"

Writer - Otto Binder

Art - Al Plastino

Edits - Mort Weisinger

Welcome friends, to a whole new series - and part of the "New Fall Season" here at the channel.

Longtime Legion-denier, Chris (@acecomics) looks to right the wrong of keeping DC's future-teen-heroes as a deliberate blind-spot in his comics knowledge... and to do so, he's found himself a friend to help him navigate this twisting and storied franchise.  Lifelong Legion fan, Al Sedano (@AdamThanosPod) has graciously agreed to educate and guide me to... maybe eventual Legion-relevance... or, at least maybe being able to identify a dozen or so of these characters on sight!

For this first episode, we share our own Legion origins... or lack thereof, Al provides a brief overview of the franchise, and we start our coverage... well, at the start - with a look at Adventure Comics #247 from 1958!

As this series progresses, we will be alternating between covering Legion stories, and focusing on prominent Legion characters, to try and get me up to speed.  If you're in need of some "Legion Learnin'", this might be the show for you!  If you're already a certified "Doctor of Legionomics"... well, you still might enjoy hearing how ignorant I am about the property you hold so dear!  Or, you can at least stick around long enough to hear how I ruined a really good song to make our theme music (apologies to Jarvis...)!

Feedback is encouraged!  We invite you to write in and join us on this little audio journey!

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Action Comics #371 (1969)

Action Comics #371 (January, 1969)
"The President of Steel"
"The Supergirl Best-Seller!"
Writers - Otto Binder & Leo Dorfman
Pencillers - Curt Swan & Kurt Schaffenberger
Inker - Jack Abel
Letterer - Ben Oda
Cover Price: $0.12

Happy President's Day everybody!

Hopefully many of my fellow Americans are in the midst of enjoying a three-day weekend full of rest and relaxation.  Today we're going to discuss that time Superman became President of the United States... er, I should probably change that to "one of the times"... because weird stuff be happenin' in the Silver Age all the time.

Well, before we get to celebrating President-style... which, by the past several we had might mean "go to the golf course", let's head back to the swingin' sixties for some Silver Age silliness.

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We open in the Daily Planet offices with Clark Kent... playing on his new inter-dimensional super-computer.  What he doesn't realize is that there's an intruder... intruding behind him.  With the whack of a slapjack, Clark is (pretending to be) kayoed.  While he's playing possum, however, a ray from the computer bathes his head in pink light... giving him super-amnesia!  The baddie wants to take over Clark Kent's identity... so he loads the real deal into a doomed helicopter... and it crashes.  Clark wakes up to see he's wearing a Superman costume... so, he at least knows one of his identities!  But, just who is he when he's wearing street clothes?

I like to picture this part as Clark breaking into Frank Sinatra's "That's Life" as he strolls down the street.

I've been a puppet, a pauper, a pirate, a poet, a pawn and a king...

Looking for answers, Amnesia-man heads for the Governor of whatever state Metropolis is in... hopeful that maybe he'd recognize him.  Worth noting that Clark's not wearing his glasses here... so, really now, who would recognize him?

No dice with the Governor... and so, Clark decides to move up the political ladder to the President of the United States!  He hopes that maybe he had clued the leader of the free world in on his dual identity.  Upon arrival in DC, he learns that the Pres is away on a top secret mission... and he's been gone for... well, just about as long as Superman has had amnesia.  Hmm...

Could it be... that Superman's secret identity is really the President of the United States of America?!  Well, of course not (don't be re-deekyoulos)... but he really seems to think so!  Worth mentioning here that DC (Comics, that is) gave the President a generic middle-aged look rather than "offending the dignity of the office".  Couldja imagine a "current year" comic book being so nonpartisan?  I mean, what would Marvel do with the other 19 pages of each issue?!  Anyhoo, Superman gets into some costume makeup and does himself up like the sitting Prez.

During a briefing... President Superman learns that a little girl became stuck in John Glenn's space capsule at the Smithsonian... which sounds like a job for... well, him.  So, he needs to figure out a way to duck out of the public eye for a moment and change clothes.  I mean, at this point, doesn't he realize that the President is too much of a public figure to have a dual identity?  Anyhoo... he asks to be taken to the Washington Monument... where he wants to go to the top... all by himself.  The Secret Service folks are totally cool with this... and so, he uses this brief "alone time" to perform a quick-change (and burst out the top of the monument).

At the Smithsonian, Superman saves the girl from Friendship-1... then gives her a guided tour of the museum to settle her nerves.  This is a really good likeness of the actual space capsule.

Later that evening (after repairing the Washington Monument) President Superman attends a Foreign Correspondence gala held at the White House.  He is told that it's customary for the President to share a dance with one of the reporters in attendance... and you'll never guess who he picks!  I'm wondering if Super-Prez is a bachelor... I mean, that would actually be some news, right?

Anyhoo... Super President dances with Lois Lane, when suddenly a foreign spy throws a grenade into the fray!  The phony Clark Kent (the intruder from the open) heroically throws the grenade out the window.  Super-Prez uses his super-suction breath to hold the baddie back... and everything is hunky dory.  Clark Kent even gets a commendation in the form of the Presidential Medal of Valor... which is something that actually exists!

The next night, Super Prez hears a coded message coming from an aircraft carrier.  Turns out, this is where the real President has been hanging out... leaving our hero without a civilian identity once more.  He carries the aircraft carrier to shore... and is wished well in his search for his identity.  We close out with Superman seeing a newspaper clipping about a "Wrestling Superman".  We're... to be continued?!  Really?  Wow!

Our second feature is a Supergirl story... in which a schoolmarmish woman named Hilda Powell has written the best-selling book "The Confessions of Supergirl".  This tome chronicles everything Supergirl has done up to this point... even including some things the Maid of Steel can hardly remember!  It goes without saying that Supergirl isn't pleased with this situation... and intends to get to the bottom of it.  In her Linda Danvers identity, she interviews Ms. Powell... and even receives a complimentary (signed) copy of the bestseller!  She's shocked with the accuracy and detail within.

The next day, Supergirl visits Hilda and tells her she sees the book as an invasion of her privacy... and wants it pulled from the shelves!  Powell's all "sue me"... and, well... believe it or not, that's exactly what Supergirl does.  While on the stand, Powell shows Supergirl an (illustrated) story of Kara's childhood in Argo City, which troubles her greatly.  The judge ultimately rules in Hilda's favor, noting that Supergirl is a public figure... and Powell was well within her rights in publishing her book.

After the trial, Supergirl visits with Hilda... again.  I mean, at this point, you just leave the old lady alone, right?  Anyhoo... it's here that Hilda shows Supergirl the sequel to "Confessions...", the "Biography of Supergirl: World's Greatest Heroine".  A book from the far future that Hilda (the school librarian) discovered in the school library after an adventure where Supergirl had to retrieve the school from the future.  I'm sure there were about a dozen better ways for me to write that sentence.

Supergirl figures that a future-student returned the library book to the wrong library.  Hilda informs Kara that the book holds the answers to everything Supergirl will do for the rest of her days.

Later, Supergirl overhears a radio broadcast revealing that "Getaway" Gillen... a professional jail-escaper, or something... escaped from jail... again.  At that very same time, the Heroes Day Parade is being held in Metropolis... featuring oversized balloons of all your favorite heroes (but sadly, no Supergirl).  She takes one look at the floats... and tears right into Green Lantern's chest... where the Getaway Gang were hiding out.

Ya see, she was able to deduce this because this Green Lantern wore his ring on his left hand instead of his right!  Yeah, it's a stretch considering what superhero merchandising looks like in the real world... but whattayagonnado?  I'd hate to see her reaction to The New-52! costumes.  Anyhoo, she heads back to Ms. Powell's house and learns that the events played out exactly as the book said they would.  This freaks Kara out big-time... and she skims through the rest of the volume... even learning how she dies!

She is then called into action... helping a kook who built a weather control device.  She recalls that the book says she would solve this problem by making a giant lightning rod... and so, to subvert the tome, she decides to try another approach... and it works!  This renders the second half of Ms. Powell's biography book... blank!  What's more, she's forgotten everything she'd already read... because it never happened!

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Well, this certainly was a surprise!  I mean, it was just as ridiculous as I thought it'd be... but from looking at the cover, I would've bet dollars to dingbats that this was going to be an Imaginary Story.  Further, I'd never have guessed that this was going to be a multi-part deal!

The story itself... is silly.  Not entirely unexpected given the circumstances.  I think this must've been a really fun time to follow this title... an amnesiac Superman trying to figure out who his secret identity is... that just sounds fun!  We might have to come back to this and see how it works itself out.

The thing that really stuck out to me was the fact that the President that Superman portrayed was just a generic middle-aged dude.  I really like that!  I've said it before in audio and print... I'm not one for mixing real world politics into my comics (or any entertainment).  I appreciate the fact that we have a story about a (generic) sitting President without any partisan commentary.

This is the kind of thing Marvel and DC should be doing now.  We're never going to have a 100% consensus politically... and a pithy and angry comic book story isn't going to change any minds.  I gotta say, if a superhero comic book story is enough to change your mind one way or another... maybe you need to read things that aren't comic books.

Instead of fostering echo chambers, I feel like we need to go back to this sort of storytelling.  A generic President... or, better yet... a known entity in the universe as President.  I'm not sure if it's a popular opinion, but I've made clear my love of the President Lex story arc.  That was some fun stuff... political, but without the passive-aggressive vitriol we're used to (from both sides).

I remember Michael Jordan, when asked about politics and business said something like "Republicans buy shoes too"... meaning, he wasn't going to talk down to or vilify potential customers just because he disagreed with them politically.  I wonder if he'd be up for an EiC gig at Marvel?

Anyhoo... apologies for that... I try not to brush up against anything polarizing here.  So... onto the Supergirl story!

I gotta wonder if someone at DC had some rough times in school... it feels like any time Supergirl is pitted against a human... they look like a schoolmarm!  I'd swear I've seen this woman in every Silver Age Supergirl story I've ever read!  I'm exaggerating... but, seriously... it's always a woman who looks like this!

The story... was basic backup material.  A done-in-one with very little ramifications.  Some Silver Age "reaching"... like noticing Green Lantern's ring being on the wrong finger.  I feel like superhero merchandise has always been a bit on the weird side.  I mean, there's that "Superman" costume that comes with a mask... Batman costumes that have the word "Batman" written on the chest... liberties are taken with these sort of things.

Overall... I had fun with this issue, even if both stories kinda dragged in places.  I'm not sure I'd tell ya to rush out and track this one down... however, if you come across it on the cheap, you could do worse!

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Letters Page:

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Superman #204 (1968)

Superman #204 (February, 1968)
"The Case of the Lethal Letters"
"The Duplicate Superman!"
"The Fortress of Fear!"
Writers - Cary Bates & Otto Binder
Pencillers - Ross Andru & Al Plastino
Inkers - Mike Esposito & Al Plastino
Cover Price: $0.12

Here's one from the... "hey, that's a pretty neat cover" collection!  I really considered bolding every single "L" in this piece... before thinking "hey Chris, that's probably a bad use of your time..." (not that that's stopped me before).

Anyhoo, let's find out what lurks behind dem Lethal L's!

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We open on one of those Silver Age skip-aheads that usually wind up spoiling most of our story.  Here it's doesn't really spoil much... just that Superman has decided to hang up his cape!  An unseen figure standing in the foreground comments that everything is going according to plan.  But... how did we get here?  Well... Clark Kent was a special guest on the popular television talk show, "Point Blank".  Suddenly the host, Lorraine Delon goes into a trance... and delivers a message to Superman that he must quit fighting crime... or else those closest to him will pay the ultimate price!  Clark ain't buyin' it... nor should he.

After the show, Clark starts to head home via Metropolis' brand-new monorail.  While there, he runs into his old friend (and current TV reporter) Lana Lang.  He allows her to board first... however, no sooner does she step foot inside the rail-car, than the doors slam shut and it takes off at ludicrous speed!  Fearing a derailment, Clark Supes-up and saves the day... he is, however, unable to find Lana when the dust settles.

Clark... returns home for the evening, which strikes me a bit odd.  You'd figure he'd be hot on the trail of whoever kidnapped Lana... but, nah... he'll just head home and read about the abduction in the evening edition of the Planet.  His leisurely reading is interrupted by a telepathic message from Lori Lemaris... who's having her clock cleaned by a strange-looking (but happy!) undersea menace.

Clark supes-up again... however, arrives just in time to see Lori vanish.  Using his super-deductive skills, Superman figures that his foe's next target will be Lois Lane... because, ya know... LL initials.  It's all very scientific.

And so, the following day... instead of trying to rescue Lana and Lori, Superman spends the entire day flying the skies of Metropolis with Lois in his arms.  Lois is pleased to see that Superman's hunch didn't come true.  Welp, not so fast kemo sabe... suddenly a sniper takes aim, and blasts the skybound twosome.  The shot causes Superman to flail... and Lois to vanish!

It's now that we rejoin the opening bit, where Superman is about to announce his retirement.  Waitasec, isn't he out of LL friends?  Is he worried the bad-guy might get confused and kidnap Lex Luthor next?  Well, probably not worth thinking too hard about.  Anyhoo, it's here that we learn that the super-secret foe was actually... talk show host Lorraine Delon!

Before we know it... like seriously, I was afraid my copy was missing some pages... Superman bursts through a wall, and finds himself stood before a GIANT pair of L's.  Like, where would a bad guy even get something like this made?  Maybe Lex Luthor would be ridiculous enough to have a giant set of initials hanging about... but c'mon.  Anyhoo, the initials burst into flames... just like on the cover!  And yes, this will be very important.

We learn that the flames actually consist of something called Q-Energy... something strong enough to kill Superman (and will likely never be mentioned again).  Superman crawls toward the baddie, who removes her wig and glasses revealing herself to be... Lorraine Lewis!  Wait, who?  Well, Superman recognizes her... so that's all that matters.

While Superman lay dying, she (thankfully) fills us in on her backstory.  Ya see, she is a brilliant (female) scientist who had the hots for Superman... and so, she set to impressing him by helping him with his super-exploits... ya know, like creating a ray to send bad guys to the Phantom Zone!  Wouldn'tcha know it, while lining up her shot Lois Lane jumped in with some Gold Kryptonite to save the day!  Lorraine still sent Bal-Gra back to the Zone... but nobody was really paying attention.

Next, during an assembly introducing Lorraine Lewis's "healing ray" a lunatic pulls a gun and attempts to destroy it.  Before Lorraine could act, Lana Lang shoves the would-be shooter down.  Once again... another L.L. girl has stolen her thunder!

Finally... some stuff was going down unduh-da-sea... and by the time Lorraine arrived, Lori Lemaris and her Atlantean buddies have already saved the day.  I mean, c'mon Lorraine... they live there, of course they're going to get their first!  Anyhoo, now Lorraine's decided that if she can't join him... beat him (and ya know, take on a new identity and become a successful talk show host), and so... she created this nebulous Q-Energy.

Superman realizes that the warehouse they're in has weak floors... and so, with his last bit of energy, he bashes through them.  This somehow causes Lorraine to fall backwards into the Lethal Letters, where she disintegrates into a pile of dust!  Wow, that just got real.  Superman rescues his friends... and they happily skip off, thankful that justice has been done.

Well... if that wasn't strange enough, let's check out a Demand Classic, reprinting a tale from Action Comics #222 (November, 1956).  We open with the military testing a brand new Cobalt Bomb... which is apparently a hundred-times stronger than a hydrogen bomb.  Think about that for a second!  That's one big-ass bomb.  It's all moot, however... turns out the C-Bomb (that's what they call me when I breakdance!) was a dud (also, that)... and so, Superman is called in to retrieve it.  Of course, it blows up right in his face.

What he doesn't realize is that it also blew him into two separate beings!  This results in an unintentionally hilarious scene of the Supermen bumping into each other in an alley... testing each other's powers... and even bathing in hot lava to prove their superpowers.

It looks like they're both the real deal... however, upon deeper inspection, they discover that they're each missing a single power.  One cannot use his telescopic vision, and the other is missing his x-ray vision.  And so, they decide to name themselves... Superman-X (for the one with x-ray vision) and Superman-T (for he who can telescope his vision).  This is starting to feel like a story I would have written back in elementary school!  They also flip a coin to see who gets to be Clark Kent first.  Ay yai yai.

The winning flipper heads off to have dinner with Lois, where he "absent-mindedly" holds on to a match for too long, which should have burnt his skin... but didn't. Lois is convinced that Clark Kent is Superman... again.  Suddenly (the other) Superman arrives, mostly to make her look like an idiot... again.

Over the next few pages, each Superman is put in situations that exploit their one missing power.  This forces them to creatively use their remaining powers to get the job done.  These are some pretty neat scenes.  Along the way, Superman-T notices that his skin has began to tingle (I guess the T can stand for both telescopic and tingly... wow, that sounded vulgar).

Superman-T then goes on to steal a gold idol from the museum (with a $25,000 value!).  Superman-X hears the news from a radio broadcast, and decides to check it out and confront his imperfect dupe.

And they fight!

The banter might be the most painful thing here

Until Superman-T engages in some supertrickery to convince Superman-X that a fire rages in the distance.

Made ya look!

Now it gets weird... er.  Superman-T unwraps the gold idol, revealing it's lead casting underneath.  He makes a shield out of it... then flies into outer space to stop a Kryptonite meteor from crashing into the Earth!  Suddenly, Superman-X's telescopic vision returns... and he knows that his "other half" is no more.  He sheds a single tear... and I'm just confused.

Our final tale definitely doesn't live up to the two we just read.  Superman's having a "day off" at the Fortress of Solitude... only to find it's been taken over by... something.  Why, he can't even settle in for a game of Super-Chess with his terrifying humanoid assistant!

Before long, the entire Fortress has gone nuts.  Superman receives a warning from his Super-Computer... well, a partial warning.  Then the interplanetary zoo opens releasing all manner of beast!

The foe reveals itself as being from Pluto... the coldest outermost planet of the solar system.  Kind of thinking small here, no?  I figure Superman's met critters from further out than Pluto!  Anyhoo, this proclamation reveals the baddie's weakness... heat!

And so, Superman heat-visions it... loads it into an inescapable glass container... and hurls it into space where it can't hurt anybody ever again.  Another one of those "fates worse than death" that Superman loves to foist on his enemies...

What, no Phantom Zone Projector?

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Had more fun with this than I expected... even if the third story was kind of a dud.

Let's start with the first one, because I have the least to say about it.  I always wonder what's going on in a writer's head when they have Superman punish a baddie by imprisoning them for all eternity.  I've said it before, and likely will again... these punishments are worse than death!  Imagine that poor Plutonian today... still floating in space... in a glass tube.  No hope of escape... no hope for death (unless it can starve to death... and if that's the case, Superman comes off looking even worse!).

Some of the visuals at the Fortress were kinda neat.  I dig the idea of Superman settling in for some Super-Chess with some crazy robot... but overall, I could've done without this one.

Still working backwards, let's chat up our Demand Classic from the mid-fifties.  We could probably start with the question... could the planet survive this proposed "Cobalt Bomb"?  In my (ever so) brief research on the subject... it was kinda raised as a "thought experiment" on a theoretical "doomsday device" capable of ending all human life on Earth by physicist Leo Szilard back in 1950.  Yeah, yeah... this is comics... nevermind.

The fallout resulting in Superman getting a dupe reminded me a bit of Kryptonite Nevermore, wherein a Sand Superman emerges after a Kryptonite-Powered engine explodes in Superman's face.  I wonder if Denny O'Neil might've borrowed a bit from this story... eh, probably not.

We've talked before about how some of these old Superman stories really overcomplicate things... and this is no exception.  The ending... with Superman-T pretending to have gone rogue, so he could sacrifice himself is something that would've made Rube Goldberg shake his head.  Why go to such great lengths?  And... is the golden idol the only thing on the planet that contains enough lead to make a shield from?  Why not just go get some lead... make a shield, and fly into space without engaging with Superman-X?

I gotta say though... we didn't see a body for Superman-T.  I wonder if he's still out there somewhere... he might've been a better pick for Mr. Oz!  Definitely a deeper cut... but, if we're being honest... there are probably Superman clones littered throughout the Golden and Silver Age... I'm sure Superman-T ain't the best of 'em.

Our opening story was... this might sound mean... it really felt like something a kid might write.  Hell, all three of these stories feel that way.  That's not necessarily a bad thing, it just hinders a jerk from 2017's ability to fairly analyze them.

The LL's is something that maybe shouldn't have been mentioned in canon.  I mean, as fans, we all realize that much of Superman's cast... and most of his love interests have the same initials.  This didn't really need to become part of the story.  This would be like all the alliterative characters at Marvel getting snuffed out.  It's kinda silly... okay, it's completely silly.  That being said... I still had a blast. 

Speaking of "blasts"... wow, poor Lorraine!  I find it funny that watching a woman disintegrate into powder didn't seem to affect Superman, nor any of the LL's.  I'd figure I'd have to be hospitalized after seeing such a thing!  Instead, the good guys all skip happily away...

Gotta figure there'd be some explaining to do though, right?  I mean, Lorraine Whatsherface was a public figure... I think people might notice that one of the top-rated talk show hosts disappeared.  Again... this is just me thinking too hard/too much.

Overall... a really fun first two stories, with a dud for a capper.  Still something I'd encourage any Super-fans to check out!

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