DCU Holiday Bash! #1 (Flash) "Present Tense" Writers - Brian Augustyn & Mark Waid Pencils - Paul Ryan Inks - Dick Giordano Colors - Tom McCraw Letters - John Costanza Editors - Mike Carlin & Darren Vincenzo It's December 6th... which, is one of those days on the calendar that's always stuck out for me. Some thirty-five years ago, when I was in first grade, we had our Christmas Field Trip on December 6th... and, for whatever reason, it's remained as sort of a touchstone day in the countdown to Christmas ever since. Weird stuff ya remember... --
We open twenty-minutes before Wally and Linda's Christmas Party, and the former has just set up the Tree. He's overly pleased with himself, not only for that, but because this year, he'd found the perfect gift for his girlfriend: The Fastest Microwave Oven on Earth. Woof. C'mon, dude. Anyhoo, as he's just about to wrap his gift, he overhears Linda on the phone with her mother. She excitedly reports that this year, she told Wally exactly what she wanted... and she's sure to be getting just that. Our man is absolutely gobsmacked... as he doesn't remember any such discussion having taken place!
And so... he suits up, jams out, and tries to figure out just what this perfect gift might've been! First stop, Boone's Department Store downtown. Inside he sees the second ugliest sweater in this story (Wally's own sweater from earlier might've just edged it out). He decides the gift Linda wanted must've been... a scarf. He buys the thing, only to realize it's 100% cashmere... which Linda is allergic to. Imagine that, a cashmere allergy?
Since shops are about to close up for the night... Mr. West must go west. Next stop, Poccini's in Beverly Hills. There, he sees the same ugly sweater... and flashes back to the chat he and Linda had about gifts. The discussion just so happened to have occurred right in front of these nasty sweaters... only problem being, for the life of him, he cannot remember what she said! He decides here to buy her an expensive cosmetics case. When the shop-girl asks what Linda does for a living, he tells her that she's on the TV news... to which, the girl informs him that, Linda's got a half-dozen people prettying up her face, the last thing she'll need is a make-up kit!
Rushing through the time-zones, our next stop is Hawaii! Wally stops at a Curio Shop, where... hey, wouldja lookit that, the ugly sweaters are there! Wally winds up choosing a piece of jewelry... which is all well and good, until he learns that it's a wedding band. Whoops.
And so, further West we go... so far West, it become East! Flash arrives in Hong Kong... and nearly buys some scary statues for his lady love, before thinking better of it. Defeated, he heads out of the shop and slumps against the wall. When he looks up, he sees the Wong Fu Factory Outlet... which, just so happens to be filled to the brim with, say it with me, those ugly sweaters! Again Wally racks his brain to try and remember what Linda asked for... and, it finally comes to him!
We rejoin Wally at the Christmas Party, where Linda has just opened her gift. Heyyy, it's the ugly sweater! She's, uh, not entirely sure what to make of such a grand gesture. Wally informs her that this isn't for her to wear, but as a reminder of the conversation they had in front of the display at the store... about what Linda really wanted for Christmas.
Turns out, Linda didn't want nuthin'! She was telling Wally that she has everything she could ever need... and gifts don't prove anything. I mean, that begs the question as to what she was telling her mother over the phone earlier... but, whattayagonnado? Wally and Linda embrace, and prepare to share a long winter's nap.
-- This was cute. Sure, we gotta kinda twist some things to make it work... but, it's still a cute story. I'm not the biggest fan of making Wally into a sorta clueless sitcom dad/husband. I mean, a microwave oven? C'mon, dude. I'd expect a bit more from him than that... especially from the fellas who write his monthly adventures. Second, Linda's conversation with her mother. Why wouldn't she have just said, "I told him not to get me anything" rather than, "I told him exactly what to get me...", when that thing is... "nothing"? Nobody talks like that. It just doesn't make any sense. Least it served its purpose by getting this story off and running (pun!). The story overall was pretty neat... gave me some "warm fuzzies", which I suppose is good enough. Tomorrow: A new version of the same Batman Christmas story we've seen a dozen times already!
Super Heroes Stamp Album #1 (1998) "Book I: 1900 to 1909!" Writer - Doug Moench Pencillers - Paul Ryan, Angelo Torres, Joe Orlando, Joe Staton, Dan Jurgens, Norm Breyfogle, Jim Aparo, Dick Giordano, George Pratt, M.D. Bright & Ernie Colon Inkers - Doug Hazlewood, Josef Rubenstein, Tom Palmer, Mike DeCarlo, Bill Sienkiewicz & Bob Smith Colors - Tom Ziuko, Rick Taylor, Patricia Mulvihill & Bob LeRose Letterer - Gaspar Saladino Postmaster General - Marvin Runyon Alrighty folks, today we have what might be one of the more bizarre... and boring books we're ever going to discuss here. This one was made in cooperation with the United States Postal Service in order to promote their line of Celebrate the Century Stamps. These were ten sheets of stamps, one for each decade of the 20th Century... with 15 stamps on each highlighting important events in semi-recent United States History. What this has to do with superheroes... well, you got me. Though, to be fair, it looks like Superman will get his own stamp in Book III. This line of comics was supposed to be an actual "stamp album", just like it says on the cover. You were supposed to collect the stamps, and put them in their proper spot inside this very book. We really got into that sort of thing around the turn of the century... ask anyone who collected the 50 State Quarters! Anyhoo, this piece will likely be a bit lighter on commentary than usual, because... there's no story here. It's just several of our late-90's DC Comics favorites dropping knowledge on us. As always, we'll do the best that we can! --
We open with Superman beginning our tour through the 20th Century. Are you excited? I know I'm excited. Hell, even Batman's sorta smiling! For our first stop, Superman "The Action Ace" introduces us to Theodore Roosevelt "The Action President". We learn of young Teddy's health problems, and his service with the Rough Riders. Also, the circumstances which led to his becoming President of the United States.
The next stop on our tour is hosted by Wonder Woman... and she's taking us to Ellis Island. She informs us that in the first decade of the 20th Century alone, nine million immigrants came through New York Harbor... with 4,000 passing through the Ellis Island Processing Point on an average day.
Remember Theodore Roosevelt? Well, we're not done with him yet. This time Robin tells us the story of the first Teddy Bear. Ya see, legend has it that Theodore Roosevelt refused to shoot a bear cub while on a hunting trip... he considered it "unsporting". When this story spread, a toy shop owner crafted a stuffed version of this bear to sell.
Back to Superman, and the story of the first World Series... well, after he shows off some of his powers for us, by cracking a ball into orbit... and speeding up to catch it. It was a best-of-nine series that took place in 1903, pitting the National League's Pittsburgh Pirates against the American League's Boston Pilgrims (later Red Sox). The Pilgrims would win it in eight!
Off to Muir Woods with Connor Hawke, where we learn a bit about preservationist John Muir. Dude quit his job and walked 1,000 miles across the country. He had founded The Sierra Club in 1892 in attempt to preserve the Yosemite Region from loggin and whatnot. He even became pals with the aforementioned (several times) Teddy Roosevelt.
Back to Robin for the quick and dirty on Crayola Crayons. Did you know that crayons are made out of chalk and oil? Well, you do now.
Over to Wonder Woman for a look at "the ideal woman"... and no, we're not talking about Diana. This is the Gibson Girl... a creation of an artist named Charles Dana Gibson that appeared in a humor magazine. Homeboy got paid, and her look became "the" look many women would aspire toward.
Next stop, Kitty Hawk... where Superman tells us all about Orville and Wilbur Wright's first flight. He's probably the most fitting hero to discuss these fellas, no?
Then Kyle Rayner tells us all about the first American blockbuster film, "The Great Train Robbery". Anyone ever see it? I haven't. Looks like it's only 12 minutes long... I guess it might be worth a look.
Okay, 12 minutes and 10 seconds. Anyhoo, Kyle informs us that movie-goers actually freaked out when the gunslinger in the film started firing off shots toward the camera. Imagine living in a time like that?
Off to St. Louis so Wonder Woman can tell us all about the 1904 World's Fair. Looks like there were a whole lot of important concepts and ideas introduced, including such mundane things as ice cream cones, iced tea, and hamburgers! What a time to be alive!
Batman then fills us in on the 1906 Pure Food and Drugs Act. A story that begins with an old favorite of mine, the Snake-Oil Salesman. Looks like these potions and tinctures weren't as harmless as you might think though... many were laced with stimulants. I'm sure that wasn't always a bad thing for the patrons, however.
Next, our man Steel tells us about William Edward Burghardt DuBois... which includes such concepts as Jim Crow Laws... and leads to race riots and the eventual formation of the NAACP. Steel ends his tale by informing us that, prior to his passing, W.E.B. DuBois renounced his American citizenship and spent his final days in Ghana, Africa.
Off to... maybe Metropolis, where Superman takes a break from attending to a city-full of crumbling skyscrapers to tell us all about Frank Lloyd Wright. All I knew about this fella was his more Arizona-centric dealings... and the fact that we have a major road named after him out this way. I used to work over the road, and had to visit his Taliesin West (which he used as a "winter home") several times. Unfortunately his vision didn't help Arizona all that much... as we're still very much "cookie cutter" as far as housing, at least in the major metropolitan areas.
Next up, the Flash tells us about the Model T Ford, and how Henry Ford launched the second Industrial Revolution in America. Wowsa!
The final stop on this tour is guided by Batman, as he slinks down the back alleys to tell us about Ash Can Printing. As comics enthusiasts, we've no doubt heard the word "ashcan" before... but this is a bit different. This is an art movement, where folks would paint "plain or ugly subjects"... gritty realistic images which may include things like "dirty alleys or garbage cans". In comics, I think we just call that the 1980's.
And so, we've made it through the first decade of the 20th Century! Are you excited for the next ten years? Well, Batman certainly is! Just look at that grin.
-- Well, that was kinda dry, wun'tit? It's difficult to really analyze something like this... so we're not going to. Upon reading this, I feel like these were neat little succinct looks at American History... which, I think any interested young person (or adult, I guess) could get something from. All told, not a bad package insofar as the delivery of the information. It was easy to read, and (just barely) more engaging than a textbook. Probably not the worst way to introduce a youngster to the material. The art... was kind of a mixed bag. Doesn't really feel like anybody involved on that side of the table (outside of a couple) really brought their "A" Game. I'm never really a fan of "jam" issues, however, considering what this book is all about, I suppose I could live with it. Overall... a pretty strange little novelty. It might not be worth your time to read... but, as an interesting piece for your collection, I'd say it might just be worth having. I definitely wouldn't spend more than a buck or two... though, I might nudge up if the book came complete with stamps already included. And so, we wrap up April... when you come back tomorrow, you might wanna wear shades because our future's so... well, you know. -- Interesting Ads:
Flash (vol.2) #123 (March, 1997) "The Flash of Two Cities" Writers - Mark Waid & Brian Augustyn Penciller - Paul Ryan Inker - John Nyberg Letterer - Gaspar Colorist - Tom McCraw Assistant Editor - Jason Hernandez-Rosenblatt Editor - Paul Kupperberg Cover Price: $1.75 You ever get a really bad cut on your finger? Like one that required you to wear a Band-Aid, lest you bleed all over everything you touch? Well, that's what I've got going on... and lemme tell ya, it sucks! I usually hit the backspace key around... eight or nine-thousand times per blog piece... today, however... I think I'm going for some sort of record. My fingers just can't seem to find the right keys! Anyhoo, since we've got no "sick days" allowed here on the humble blog... I guess we're going to have to press on through... and talk about The Flash! Man, wouldja lookit that cover? A Mike Wieringo take on Flash of Two Worlds?! What's not to love there? Is there any possible way the story can live up to that cover? Well, let's find out... -- We open with the Flash "putting out fires" in both Keystone City... and Santa Marta, California?! Well, let's step back for a moment... turns out the mayor of Keystone City finds Wally to be something of an unwelcome presence... and feels like he attracts more bad than good to their fair city. And so, Flash got the boot! The city of Santa Marta accepted Wally with open arms... and so, he'll operate as the Flash out of the left-coast... while still living as Wally in Keystone. Ya follow?
After taking care of a crisis at the airport, Wally decides to take a look at his new daytime digs... and comes to find that in California, they treat their hero-types... ya know, really well.
He meets his personal liaison, Monica... who shows him around his palatial abode. Seems like she might be interested in more than just a professional relationship with our man.
Which takes us to... Wally's current squeeze, Linda Park, who is about to have dinner with her friend Fran Becker at a hoi-poloi French restaurant. They chat about Wally's current status as a man without a city... and start trash-talking the Mayor. You'll never guess who happens to walk by... Heyyy, it's the Mayor. And he's not exactly pleased to learn that Wally's still spending his nights in Keystone.
He passive-aggressively wonders aloud if Wally remaining as a part-time Keystoner will make the city any safer... before heading to his table. Linda turns to Fran all "Can you believe that guy?", to which, Fran's all "Um, maybe he's got a point." That's probably because, well... he sorta does.
Back in California, Wally is taking in the sights... of himself! Since his move, Santa Marta has wired the entire city so folks can watch the Flash in action. Sounds like a pretty bad idea to me, but Wally is too star-struck (with himself) to notice that this is kinda weird. He suddenly finds himself surrounded by... groupies?!
And then, a Tyrannosaurus Rex shows up!
Wally tries to fight the beastie off... only to learn that the bugger's intangible. On a nearby bridge, Santa Marta people (Santa Martians?) convene to watch the action... unfortunately, their combined weight overloads the bridge causing it to crumble. Wally grabs an umbrella from a pretzel stand and rushes them off just in the nick of time.
Thinking fast, Wally grabs a live wire and jabs it into the dinosaur's "gut", causing it to short out and vanish. Turns out the entire thing was a trick illusion, and the only damage that actually occurred was the bridge collapsing from all the weight. Look out, Santa Martians... your sugary beverages are about to be taxed to kingdom come (Really reaching for that Waid pun!).
We next shift to... uh, the Moon (not really) where a Mister Frost is revealed to be responsible for the trick illooosion. Seems this fellas really into special effects... and is fielding offers from both LexCorp and WayneCorp (thought that was WayneTech?)... but sadly, none from Steven Spielberg. This dude's... well, kinda boring.
After a contentious pop-in with Linda and Mr. Stanton of WKEY-TV, we wrap up at the Gambi Tailor shop... where a group of roguish nogoodniks kick in a door and approach... a sewing machine?
-- Well... I think I can safely say this story didn't quite measure up to its cover, but I had a fun enough time with it nonetheless. A few things... this Mister Frost character. You ever read a page... then immediately forget what it said... so you read it again... and the same thing happens? That's how my reading of Mister Frost's introduction went. Just such a boring character... perhaps (hopefully) purposefully so, to show us just how cool Wally's actual Rogues Gallery is? Dunno... after about a half-dozen rereads of this dude's intro pages, I still wouldn't recognize him if he delivered a pizza to my front door. Secondly, drawing attention to the fact that a public-superhero living in your city might be dangerous. I mean, I get it... and agree... who'd want to live on the same block as Wally West? But, by addressing that in story, I dunno... just seems like one of those "genies" thatcha can never quite put back "in the bottle". I get that we always walk the line between fantasy and reality in comics... fantastic situations commingled with the mundane everyday... but, putting such focus on Wally being a "dangerous neighbor"? I think that's something that we fans should see (and discuss) but the people in the books maybe shouldn't? I was recently reading/reviewing the Young Animal Mother Panic/Batman "Milk Wars" special. In it, Violet (Mother Panic) makes a snarky remark about Batman putting children in harm's way is sort of his modus operandi. That bugged me... not because it isn't true... but, it's just that once the "actual" people of Gotham City take notice of such a thing, the very idea that they'd allow Batman to operate the way he does begins to fray. Just feels like we're taking "fanboy talking points" and making them actual story beats. Not a fan of such a thing... it draws me out of the story, plus I'm not the kinda guy who needs my ribs repeatedly elbowed with just how silly comics are. Other than that... the story here was decent. The art was also quite nice... though, when you've got an awesome Ringo cover, you've kinda gotta bring your "A" game. Is this an issue I'd recommend tracking down? Well yeah... but this could've been 22 blank pages between the covers and I'd say that. I love the homage to the firstFlash #123... and this was a time before we were bombarded with classic cover homages (and variants... oh lord the variants), so this is definitely a novelty. The story... might not rock your socks, but it's perfectly readable and enjoyable. This issue is available digitally... though, for if you dig the cover like I do, you'll probably want the physical version. -- Letters Page:
Superman Meets the Motorsports Champions (1999) "The Subterranean 50000" Writer - Chuck Dixon Artists - Paul Ryan & Tom Palmer Letterer - Ken Lopez Colorists - Glenn Whitmore & Patricia Mulvihill Assistant Editor - Mike Brisbois Editor - Paul Kupperberg Here's an odd one. Not since Superman joined forces with the Quik Bunny has there been such a strange team-up. I suppose I should preface by stating that I am not, nor have I ever been a fan of NASCAR, racing, or even cars overall if I'm being honest. When people talk about horsepower and RPMs and whatnot, I nod (knowingly) because I'm a guy, and that's what we do... but in reality I haven't the foggiest idea what's being said. I have a sneaking suspicion that I'm not alone in that. To me, my car is how I get back and forth to work, school, and bookstores. I can change a tire, battery, and oil... but that's the limit to my automotive expertise. I suppose if I had more of a connection with all things vehicular, this issue would have resonated more to me. As it stands to me, this issue features Superman teaming up with a bunch of nice dudes who may or may not exist in the world in which I live. I wouldn't recognize any of them if they delivered a pizza to my house tonight. Anyhoo... how's the story? Let's rev the ol' engines and find out! --
Superman swoops in on a charity race featuring Jeff Gordon and his Rainbow Warriors. Jeff introduces Superman to his rather shifty manager (whose shiftiness doesn't play into the story, so I wonder why it's here), and then goes on to win his race. Superman entertains during the race, giving those with little NASCAR interest, yet who still go to the races something to look at.
Following the race, Jeff celebrates in the Winner's Circle with who I assume to be his significant other, the Osmonds, and Keith Hernandez.
Suddenly there's an earthquake, from out of the ground rises a drill-nosed transportation vehicle. From the craft emerges a purple fellow named Kaldra. He claims to hail from the land which exists far beneath the Earth's surface, V'Tar. He also appears to be wearing a microphone pop filter over his head.
He challenges the Motorsports Champion, Jeff Gordon to a subterranean race of a lifetime. Mr. Gordon wastes no time in accepting the trial... Superman gives him a bit of nudge as if to ask if he has any clue what he may be signing up for. Gordon tells Kaldra he's in, with the caveat that his good buddy Superman may join him at the starting line. Kaldra figures it ain't no thing, and gives the thumbs up.
The race is set to start twelve-hours later in Nazareth, Pennsylvania. When Jeff and Supes arrive, they are greeted by a bunch of all-star racers with whom I have absolutely no familiarity. I'm assuming they're all real, but wouldn't bet a substantial amount on it. Among them is Dale Earnhardt, Jr. who I've actually heard of... so, yeah these fellas are probably legit.
After a meet 'n greet , Kaldra's steamy mouth explains the path the driver-athletes will be taking in this race (of a lifetime). Starting in Pennsylvania, and crisscrossing their way across the country, ultimately ending in my current stomping grounds of Phoenix, Arizona. The fellas realize they're in for a 5000-mile rally.
Superman suggests that maybe he ought to come along for the ride just to make sure everything's on the up and up. Unfortunately, racing vehicles aren't build for passengers. No problem! One of Superman's lesser known powers is auto-mechanics. He wows the gang by Supe-ing (get it?) himself up a helluva race car.
The race finally begins, and all dozen or so racers submerge down to the subterranean racetrack. Superman uses his x-ray vision and notes that there is an incredible amount of machinery hidden behind the walls. The drivers also notice that their vehicles appear to be conducting some sort of electrical charge.
The drivers hit the surface some time later in North Carolina, and decide they'd best get the skinny from old Kaldra... claiming they won't continue until he comes clean. The purple geek intends to hold them to their word... they will continue the race whether they like it or not.
As the fellas protest, Kaldra summons another Earthquake. This time several large robots rise from the ground.
Kaldra then decides to share his secret origin. He claims the "internal sun" that V'Tar uses is fading out, dooming all the under dwellers. By keeping the Motorsports Champions racing on their subterranean circuit for eternity, he guarantees his people will live on and flourish.
The guys ain't buying it, and Superman tells him to take a flying leap. The giant robots approach, and Jeff Gordon is fearful that they'll... damage his car. Really. A fifty-foot tall subterranean robot is approaching, and all this fool cares about is his paint job.
The gang all returns to their vehicles at Superman's request. He tells them to split up heading in "every direction on the compass" while he handles the grown-up work.
Superman dives deep inside the Earth with his sights set on V'Tar. When he arrives, he destroys the generator that was powering the giant bots, stopping them in their tracks. He speaks to the citizens and promises that he will help them find a better way. Considering how we haven't heard a peep from or about V'Tar and Kaldra since, I'm gonna assume it slipped Supes' mind.
Superman flies back up, and several days later attends the Indianapolis 500. He is surprised to find that all of the drivers have joined forces in the Superman Racing Team, and have painted their cars to match. Superman is flattered, and heads up to the stands to watch the event.
-- I try to keep things positive here at the ol' blogstead. It's one of the things for which I've received critical feedback. Perhaps I do, at times, overlook flaws or missteps in storytelling and art... but I do so as to accentuate any and all positives an issue may have, while downplaying as many of the negatives as I can get away with. I truly believe that no comics professional, upon bellying up to their creation-station... whether that be the drawing board or the keyboard, thinks to themselves "Today I'm going to create a bad comic book". Taking part in a creative endeavor which serves as consumable entertainment is a terribly difficult task, and at times I guess I feel uncomfortable calling a spade a spade. With all that having been said... this was a pretty bad issue. At least the horrendous Superman Meets the Quik Bunny issue was fun to write about. Superman Meets the Motorsports Champions was not fun to read nor write about. I have a hard time blaming the creative team, as I know full well that they are capable of so much more, including several favorites of mine. Under the constraints of including the Motorsports champs, the story becomes somewhat hamstrung in giving them as much "screen time" as possible. Again, if I were familiar with any of them, this may very well have been a positive. Alas, I don't know any of these fellas from Adam... and at this point, I don't even have enough interest to type their names into Google. For Superman (or NASCAR) completionists only. -- Interesting Ads:
