Action Comics #791 (July, 2002)
"The Invitation"
Writer - Benjamin Raab
Artist - Derec Aucoin
Colorist - Moose Baumann
Letters - Comicraft
Assistant Editor - Tom Palmer, Jr.
Editor - Eddie Berganza
Cover Price: $2.25
The advantageous thing about having a reading "project", like our ongoing #Action100, is that there's always something to read. Not that there's any shortage of "unread" books in my library, but... the project gives me a little bit of momentum.
Not gonna lie, burnout is a thing...
Let's try and work through those feelings with a random ol' issue of Action Comics.
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We open in Metropolis where Clark Kent receives a letter from Smallville High School's Homecoming Dance Committee... and he's shocked by its contents! Lois snatches it from out of his hands to give it a peek herself. This causes Clark to book it out of there with the quickness.
Lois reads it over and learns that Clark has been invited to be the Master of Ceremonies for this year's Homecoming Dance... and wonders why her husband reacted so strangely to said invite. Clark spends most of the day being super... including playing a game of chess with Plastic Man. He returns home to find his bags already packed! Lois has decided they're going to Smallville!
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| yikes... |
We shift ahead to the Kent farm where Lois chats up Martha about how strange Clark has been acting since receiving the invite to Homecoming... turns out there's a story attached, and one that Ma has no problem sharing. Ya see, there was once this girl... a heavy girl, named Marge. She was relentlessly bullied, and referred to as "Marge the Barge". Ya see, Smallvillians are far more creative than the kids I went to school with, they'd have probably just gone with "Large Marge".
Clark, Lana, and Pete look on... and don't seem terribly pleased by all of the bullying. Lana quickly shifts gears, however, and hints that she'd like Clark to invite her to Homecoming. He doesn't. That night he talks it over with Ma and Pa, and it's "decided" that he asks Marge to the dance... because that's "what a hero does".
And so, the next day... Clark asks Marge to Homecoming, and, suspecting it's a trick, she turns him down. Fair enough! As she walks away, she informs him that by the time of the dance... she's be "long gone". Clark's suicide-sense starts to tingle.
Later, we see Marge talking to herself in a bathroom mirror. She giggles to herself at the thought of being on the arm of Clark Kent for the dance. Her joy, however, is short-lived. She overhears Lana talking to Clark about his would-be date (Lana even busts out a "Marge the Barge"). He tells her that he was just trying to be a nice guy... a hero, even!
Marge runs out of the school, and Clark gives chase. Oh man, I just noticed that the kids spray-painted Marge's car with "Bargemobile", what a buncha of a-holes! I didn't notice that the first time through... maybe Smallville needed a Superboy!
Anyhoo, he follows her to the Old Mill Bridge. Ma describes it as a place where "lotsa folks put an end to their misery". Soooo... Smallville has a "suicide bridge"? Really?
Marge notices Clark and loses her footing... falling into the water below. To... uh, help (?) her, Clark uses his heat vision to cut a branch off a nearby tree for her to use as a flotation device... but, from the art... it looks like it just crushes her! I mean, take a look:
Yikes. At this point, it's revealed that when Marge said she'd be "long gone", she just meant that she'd earned early admission to College, and would be leaving Smallville High! Well, this is what happens when we assume. Anyhoo, Marge decides to take Clark up on his invitation, if it still stands.
And so, we head to Homecoming and Marge has a great time. She and Clark are even named Homecoming King and Queen... well, sorta. Lana reads the winning ballot... and kinda fibs.
After the dance, Marge thanks Clark for what might be the greatest night of her life... and heads off to say "goodbye" to the Old Mill Bridge. Unfortunately, the "actual" winning Homecoming Couple are driving that way now... and they're quite lit.
Clark hears the crash, and arrives just in time to see Marge... die?!
We shift ahead to Lois meeting up with Clark at the Old Mill Bridge... and she talks him through his troubles. Together they decide they should go to the Homecoming Dance.
And so, we wrap up with them doing just that.
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Well... this one sure escalated, didn't it?
Not really the kinda story I want to read about... but, at the same time, I can't get mad at it. I mean, this was a time where there were four Superman titles, so a "quiet" issue like that that tells an untold story of Clark's past works well enough.
Gotta say... these Smallville kids are the worst! I mean, what's their problem anyway? They just relentlessly bully poor Marge... even spray-painting her car?! I mean, isn't that illegal? Shouldn't the authorities be getting involved?
Bullying is bullying, and who among us has never felt that sting? But spray-painting the poor girl's car? She probably had to work two summers sweeping floors at whatever podunk Smallville shop to save up the dosh for that thing! Just awful. With kids this bad, I'm surprised that Clark didn't actually become Superboy to dole out some justice!
There was some silliness... like that Suicide Bridge. If there was really a Suicide Bridge in Smallville, you'd think we'd have heard about that by now, right? Maybe Smallville is a much darker place than I'd ever thought! Suppose with how seriously they take bullying (it's like a competition!), it shouldn't be much of a surprise.
Marge's reaction to Clark asking her out... felt right! I mean, why wouldn't she think she was being set up. I think we've all seen movies and shows where the "outsider" gets invited to the dance by one of the popular kids... and it's all a gag, and the kid winds up humiliated.
The fact that... well, she dies at the end... that was a bit heavy (no pun intended). It's no wonder that Clark wouldn't want to attend this Homecoming. It's because of his wanting to be a "hero" that poor Marge wound up dead! I'm not one for giving Superman a Peter Parker-esque guilt complex... but, what's done is done.
Then again, maybe I'm just reading too much into that. They don't really discuss the fact that had Clark just gone to the dance with Lana, there's a pretty good chance Marge would still be alive. Just one of those "perfect storms" where everything just falls in place. If Ma never told Clark to ask her... if Clark never did ask her... if Lana didn't lie about the Homecoming King and Queen... so many variables, with the underlying theme "No good deed goes unpunished".
The dialogue for the most part was quite well written. I wasn't really keen on Clark referring to himself as a "hero". Seems like he'd be the last person to ever suggest such a thing. The scene at Ma and Pa's table was fun... I like Pa telling Clark that "Lana's a looker" before clearing his throat and suggesting he "listen to his mother".
The art was also nice. There were a few creepy Lois faces (see above) and the scene at the Suicide Bridge was a bit clunky (it really looked like Clark clonked poor Marge with the tree branch). The cover art (by John Paul Leon) was really nice. I'd recently seen Leon's work on Mother Panic, and had no idea he was doing work back around the turn of the century!
Overall... ehh. It's a one-and-done... and to my knowledge the events within are never referred to again. Not one I'd tell ya to rush out and grab, however, if you were to come across it on the cheap, you could do worse. This issue is available digitally.
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Letters Page:
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Angel and the Ape #3 (March-April, 1969)
"The Curse of the Avarice Clan!"
Writers - Sergio Aragones & Bob Oksner
Penciller - Bob Oksner
Inker - Wally Wood
Letterer - Ben Oda
Editor - Joe Orlando
Taking a look at something pretty weird today. Before we move into the spoilery synopsis, just want to mention that this issue had no creator credits... so I had to cobble them up from my usually researchery haunts.
Can't speak to their reliability tho...
If anyone out there knows something different, please lemme know and I will make corrections!
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We open with the brief history of Avarice Island. It's plainly a take on the English Settlers buying Manhattan Island for a song... but different in the results. Turns out there's something... not-so-kosher about old Avarice. That brings us to today, where Angel O'Day is being brought to the Avarice Estate by lawyer Mr. Quail to act as a live-in nurse for Cadwallader Avarice. Ya see, the Avarice Clan is cursed... they all seem to die tragically on their 60th Birthday... and you'll never guess what today is!
Angel and Quail cross the rickety bridge over to Avarice Island... and no sooner do they arrive than the bridge collapses. Well, that's probably not a good sign. Inside, ol' Cadwallader isn't pleased to see that he's been given a nurse... that is, until he sees her in her nurse's outfit!
Cad then starts bouncing around the room on his cane, Uncle Scrooge-style proclaiming that he is quite ill... and in dire need of Ms. O'Day's healing touch. From here we meet his potential heirs... and ooh boy, are they a Who's Who of Human Oddities. There's Burton, the wannabe actor... Gabrielle, the gabby (get it?) gossip... Milo, the Musclehead... Gunga, a water-obsessive who looks like Floyd the creepy barber from Andy Griffith... Psyche, a Spiritualist... and finally Torquemada, a practical joker.
Suddenly... the lights go out! Then a spotlight hits... causing Burton (the actor) to rush in to accept his ovation. What he gets instead, if pumped full'a lead. Oh Burton, how little we got to know you!
We shift scenes to... well, whatever city Angel and the Ape normally operate out of. At this moment, Sam Simeon is climbing up the side of the DZ Comics building on his way to turn in some pages of art. While waiting for his editor (and reading an issue of Anthro), the Big Cheese of DZ Comics enters and regales our man with some horrible jokes.
Back with the Avarices'... that weirdo Gunga is getting ready for a dip in the pool. It's raining out, so he's carrying an umbrella so he "doesn't get soaked". Anyhoo, turns out there's a man-eating shark in the pool... and before long, it's got the weirdest indigestion of its life.
Back in the city, Sam is introduced to a frumpy secretary. This is a pretty mean scene, that doesn't add a whole heckuva lot. Figure I'll include it anyway!
Back to the Avarices'... where Psyche is holding a seance in attempt to deduce who the killer might be. She manages to summon a disembodied voice... who tells her that he's dead... which gives her a fatal heart attack. I mean, what was she expecting? Aren't seances held to speak to the dead? I'd be more freaked out if they got a "live" one...
In the doorway, Angel scans the (thinning) crowd. Among the Avarices (Avarici?) are the lawyer, a butler and a maid... hmm. Angel recalls that Gabbi was holding Psyche's hand when she died... and decides to chat her up about it. Unfortunately, by this point... poor ol' Gabby has fallen down an elevator shaft!
Back in the city... things are getting really weird (and that's saying something!). Sam heads back to his apartment where his is assaulted with kisses by his near-sighted (well, I hope he's near-sighted) landlord.
Then, we're off to the Mildew Asylum for Sprung Brains... where we meet quite the array of oddballs, including Julius Caesar, Napoleon, and of course, Adolf Hitler. Luckily the heroic Captain Emeritus is also present! Cap is an offbeat lad named Stan Bragg... and he wields a garbage can lid, like a certain other Captain brandishes a patriotic shield. Also, Batman is here.
Well, okay... it's not really Batman... but he thinks he is! Bat and Cap take the fight to the baddies.
Suddenly, Batman joins up with Hitler! Together they hurl Captain Emeritus out a window. Luckily, he falls into the water below. He uses a hollow reed to breathe... but, if you'll recall... it's raining! A single drop falls into the reed, almost causing our man to drown. His life is saved by some mouth-to-mouth delivered by... the Avarice Butler?! Well that's convenient!
Wow, a lot of stuff going on here... and we're only to the staples folks! Back at Avarice, Angel is searching for secret panels... and unbeknownst to her, finds quite a few. Back in the city, Sam begrudgingly reads some Darwin while the news reports that Stan Bragg might be headed to Avarice Isle. I guess Stan blames Angel and the Ape for his incarceration? So, he's now out for revenge? Okay, we'll roll with it.
Meanwhile, the practical jokester Torquemada uses one of the oldest tricks in the book to try and fool a passer-by. Unfortunately for him, the passerby happened to be a hungry lion. Well, maybe it wasn't hungry... but it ate him just the same.
We join Sam, who makes the leap to Avarice Island. Upon arrival, he gets into a few fistfights... but, c'mon... he's an ape. These geeks ain't gonna be able to hurt him. And of course, Captain Emeritus is also lingering about... waiting for his chance to strike.
After some hooptie-doo, the Maid (Miss Hemlock...) tries to force a sandwich down Angel's throat! You'd never guess, but a woman named "Hemlock" was trying to poison our gal!
Elsewhere, Meathead whatshisface is off lifting a barbell. Unfortunately, he didn't notice that his weights had been replaced with (lit) bombs. Whoops!
After some more hooptie-doo, it's revealed that Mr. Quail was in cahoots with the Maid and Butler to inherit the Avarice fortune! Also, Captain Emeritus gets monkey-flipped (literally) out a window. Cad finally manages to plant one on Angel... then succumbs to a heart attack! We learn that Angel is a distant relative of the Avarice Clan... and so, she inherits everything! The Manor, the island, and a cool $37.50 (that's $256.06 in 2018 monies!).
Angel considers using the Manor as a base of operations for the Angel and the Ape Detective Agency... unfortunately, the entire island has been designated a National Shrine. The Manor will be demolished and be replaced with a Memorial. O'Day is paid off... $1.35 ($9.22 today!) for the whole kit and caboodle... and they set to blowing up the manor... including poor Captain Emeritus!
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This is one of those books it's hard to really "review" (if... that's even what I do here). I can say that I had a lot of fun with it... but, at the end of the day it's a Silver Age humor book... and those are always hard to be analytical about. I've got a few Peter Panda's and Fox and Crow comics from the late 50's-early 60's that I haven't shared here because... I mean, whattaya say about a humor book?
Was it funny? Yeah... there were funny bits here. Some haven't aged all that well, but for the most part I felt my lip curl a few times.
Was it well-drawn? Hell yeah. I really like the way this looked. If it makes any sense... it has humor "elements" without going "full-cartoon". I mean, it's got a talking ape and all... but it still feels somewhat like a "normal" comic book. The addition of a dude in a Batman costume (while completely unexpected and ridiculous) really adds to that as well!
The story... while suitably silly, was a fun take on the classic "whodunnit" between heirs to a... er, "fortune". It's nothing we haven't seen before, but it's neat! The comic format allows them to be quite creative with the way they "off" the heirs. Probably the funnest "inheritance" story since The Laurel-Hardy Murder Case in 1930.
Overall... if you come across this one in the wild... I'd say grab it. Don't break the bank (or your back), but I think you'll have fun with it. It's worlds better than the Angel and the Ape miniseries' that followed! Doesn't look like it's been collected... nor has it been made available digitally.
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(Sort of the) Letters Page (featuring Rob Reiner? Maybe?):
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Flash (vol.2) #123 (March, 1997)
"The Flash of Two Cities"
Writers - Mark Waid & Brian Augustyn
Penciller - Paul Ryan
Inker - John Nyberg
Letterer - Gaspar
Colorist - Tom McCraw
Assistant Editor - Jason Hernandez-Rosenblatt
Editor - Paul Kupperberg
Cover Price: $1.75
You ever get a really bad cut on your finger? Like one that required you to wear a Band-Aid, lest you bleed all over everything you touch? Well, that's what I've got going on... and lemme tell ya, it sucks!
I usually hit the backspace key around... eight or nine-thousand times per blog piece... today, however... I think I'm going for some sort of record. My fingers just can't seem to find the right keys!
Anyhoo, since we've got no "sick days" allowed here on the humble blog... I guess we're going to have to press on through... and talk about The Flash! Man, wouldja lookit that cover? A Mike Wieringo take on Flash of Two Worlds?! What's not to love there?
Is there any possible way the story can live up to that cover? Well, let's find out...
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We open with the Flash "putting out fires" in both Keystone City... and Santa Marta, California?! Well, let's step back for a moment... turns out the mayor of Keystone City finds Wally to be something of an unwelcome presence... and feels like he attracts more bad than good to their fair city. And so, Flash got the boot! The city of Santa Marta accepted Wally with open arms... and so, he'll operate as the Flash out of the left-coast... while still living as Wally in Keystone. Ya follow?
After taking care of a crisis at the airport, Wally decides to take a look at his new daytime digs... and comes to find that in California, they treat their hero-types... ya know, really well.
He meets his personal liaison, Monica... who shows him around his palatial abode. Seems like she might be interested in more than just a professional relationship with our man.
Which takes us to... Wally's current squeeze, Linda Park, who is about to have dinner with her friend Fran Becker at a hoi-poloi French restaurant. They chat about Wally's current status as a man without a city... and start trash-talking the Mayor. You'll never guess who happens to walk by... Heyyy, it's the Mayor. And he's not exactly pleased to learn that Wally's still spending his nights in Keystone.
He passive-aggressively wonders aloud if Wally remaining as a part-time Keystoner will make the city any safer... before heading to his table. Linda turns to Fran all "Can you believe that guy?", to which, Fran's all "Um, maybe he's got a point." That's probably because, well... he sorta does.
Back in California, Wally is taking in the sights... of himself! Since his move, Santa Marta has wired the entire city so folks can watch the Flash in action. Sounds like a pretty bad idea to me, but Wally is too star-struck (with himself) to notice that this is kinda weird. He suddenly finds himself surrounded by... groupies?!
And then, a Tyrannosaurus Rex shows up!
Wally tries to fight the beastie off... only to learn that the bugger's intangible. On a nearby bridge, Santa Marta people (Santa Martians?) convene to watch the action... unfortunately, their combined weight overloads the bridge causing it to crumble. Wally grabs an umbrella from a pretzel stand and rushes them off just in the nick of time.
Thinking fast, Wally grabs a live wire and jabs it into the dinosaur's "gut", causing it to short out and vanish. Turns out the entire thing was a trick illusion, and the only damage that actually occurred was the bridge collapsing from all the weight. Look out, Santa Martians... your sugary beverages are about to be taxed to kingdom come (Really reaching for that Waid pun!).
We next shift to... uh, the Moon (not really) where a Mister Frost is revealed to be responsible for the trick illooosion. Seems this fellas really into special effects... and is fielding offers from both LexCorp and WayneCorp (thought that was WayneTech?)... but sadly, none from Steven Spielberg. This dude's... well, kinda boring.
After a contentious pop-in with Linda and Mr. Stanton of WKEY-TV, we wrap up at the Gambi Tailor shop... where a group of roguish nogoodniks kick in a door and approach... a sewing machine?
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Well... I think I can safely say this story didn't quite measure up to its cover, but I had a fun enough time with it nonetheless.
A few things... this Mister Frost character. You ever read a page... then immediately forget what it said... so you read it again... and the same thing happens? That's how my reading of Mister Frost's introduction went. Just such a boring character... perhaps (hopefully) purposefully so, to show us just how cool Wally's actual Rogues Gallery is? Dunno... after about a half-dozen rereads of this dude's intro pages, I still wouldn't recognize him if he delivered a pizza to my front door.
Secondly, drawing attention to the fact that a public-superhero living in your city might be dangerous. I mean, I get it... and agree... who'd want to live on the same block as Wally West? But, by addressing that in story, I dunno... just seems like one of those "genies" thatcha can never quite put back "in the bottle".
I get that we always walk the line between fantasy and reality in comics... fantastic situations commingled with the mundane everyday... but, putting such focus on Wally being a "dangerous neighbor"? I think that's something that we fans should see (and discuss) but the people in the books maybe shouldn't?
I was recently reading/reviewing the Young Animal Mother Panic/Batman "Milk Wars" special. In it, Violet (Mother Panic) makes a snarky remark about Batman putting children in harm's way is sort of his modus operandi. That bugged me... not because it isn't true... but, it's just that once the "actual" people of Gotham City take notice of such a thing, the very idea that they'd allow Batman to operate the way he does begins to fray.
Just feels like we're taking "fanboy talking points" and making them actual story beats. Not a fan of such a thing... it draws me out of the story, plus I'm not the kinda guy who needs my ribs repeatedly elbowed with just how silly comics are.
Other than that... the story here was decent. The art was also quite nice... though, when you've got an awesome Ringo cover, you've kinda gotta bring your "A" game.
Is this an issue I'd recommend tracking down? Well yeah... but this could've been 22 blank pages between the covers and I'd say that. I love the homage to the first Flash #123... and this was a time before we were bombarded with classic cover homages (and variants... oh lord the variants), so this is definitely a novelty. The story... might not rock your socks, but it's perfectly readable and enjoyable. This issue is available digitally... though, for if you dig the cover like I do, you'll probably want the physical version.
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Letters Page:
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The advantageous thing about having a reading "project", like our ongoing #Action100, is that there's always something to read. Not that there's any shortage of "unread" books in my library, but... the project gives me a little bit of momentum.
