Flash (vol.2) #5 (1987)

Flash (vol.2) #5 (October, 1987)

"Speed McGee"

Writer - Mike Baron

Penciller - Jackson Guice

Guest Inker - Jack Torrance (hmm...)

Letterer - Steve Haynie

Colorist - Shelley Eiber

Editor - Mike Gold

Cover Price: $0.75

You ever have that one odd issue of a series that always seems to elude you?  Like, it's not a "key" issue, and it doesn't have any real "book value", but for whatever reason... you never seem to come across it?

Well, today we're going to discuss an issue of Flash that long escaped my grubby grasp.

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We open in the Syracuse home of Jerry and Tina McGee.  Tina met our man Wally in Utah when he had a run in with the Kilg%re... and has decided she wants a divorce from her controlling hubby.  Jer' doesn't take the news all that well, and proceeds to pummel her a bit.  Worth noting, homeboy has one heckuva strange bald spot.  Not wanting to be second-best to a speedy superhero, Jerry (Doctor Jerry, that is) heads to his office at Volton Labs and continues "Project Ubermensch" (probably one of the several dozen "Project Ubermensches" going on in the DC Universe at the time).  He gets himself roided up all nice and good.

We shift scenes to Wally West's new Hamptons dig where he looks like he's about to "get physical" with his new entertainment center.  Sometimes we forget that there was a bit of tragedy in the 1980's when it comes to fashion.  His project is interrupted by a ringing phone... and wouldn'tcha know it, it's his new lady-friend Tina McGee.

He agrees to meet with her at diner, and along the way he reminds us that she is eleven years his senior.  He's 20, and she's 31.  When he sees her bruised face, he insists they report the incident to the police.  She refuses, claiming that she owes Jerry her silence for everything good he'd done for her.  Outside we can see that Wally and Tina are being watched.

This peeping perv reports his observations to Jerry McGee... however, by this point Wally has already "flashed up" and run off with Tina... leaving this geek holding the bag.  Jerry seems nonplussed... and looks rather different than before, he says he'll take care of everything.

Next thing we know, Jerry is dressed in his new Speed Demon costume (though "Speed McGee" just sounds so much cooler).  He goes to give chase to Wally and Tina, however, learns rather quickly that "running really fast" isn't nearly as easy as it looks.  He runs into walls, people, and even a horse!  With each crash, he notices that he is none the worse for wear physically.

Back in the Hamptons, Wally shows Tina around the house the New York lotto built.  It's a pretty uncomfortable scene... we can almost tell that they both feel like what they're doing is somehow wrong... well, maybe not "wrong", but also not "right".  Wally heads off to take a bath... but is interrupted by a ringing... doorbell!  It's Wally's pop, Rudolph West come for an unexpected visit... and boy is it awkward.  Of course we all oughta know why that is.  If'n ya don't... it's because Rudy West is............. a Manhunter.

Rudy hands Wally the latest edition of the local newspaper which includes an editorial about the town's liability insurance being cancelled due to Wally moving in.  Wally and Tina then head out to (the very posh-sounding) Chez Quiche for a bite... and would'ntcha know it, the President of the City Council is also there.  Wally approaches looking for some answers.  He isn't terribly satisfied with what he gets... an invitation to attend the next City Council meeting.

The couple heads back to Wally's place... and later that night, Tina asks if she can sleep in his bed.  She says that she only feels safe in his arms... to which, he says he feels the exact opposite.

Just then... Speed Demon busts through the wall!

Wally "flashes up" and proceeds to pummel the baddie with super-speed-strikes.  Speed Demon just laughs it off.  He then throws Wally into various pieces of furniture... and grabs Tina to make an escape.

Speed takes off running, but if you'll recall, he doesn't yet have full control of his newfound swiftness.  He (with Tina) runs right into a nearby Texaco Fuel Depot... and BOOM goes the baddie (and presumably, much of the neighborhood).

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Really good issue!

I wasn't reading DC Comics back in 1987, but I could only imagine how folks who were used to reading Barry-Flash were taking to this new volume.  It must've been one heckuva shock.  I'd compare it to that ill-fated Bart Allen-led Flash: The Fastest Man Alive series... but that was just, blech.

I really dig that Wally is acting like a confused young person here.  It all feels quite natural (in context that he's a superpowered fella).  He's getting quite the crash-course in being a grown-up here... dealing with married women, having to maintain a home, dealing with City Council, and watching as his parents drift apart.

He also seems to be learning that his money and powers can't fix everything.  He gifted his folks a cool half-mill... which his father blew.  He bought and renovated an awesome house... and the city wants him out.  He tries to keep Tina safe... but Speed McGee won't stop until he gets her back.  Really good stuff here.

Speaking of ol' Speed... I loved seeing his own "growing pains".  So often in comics, we see folks who become super-powered, and somehow just know how to fully control their new abilities.  Hell, just look at all of the Flashes... it's just running really fast, right?  I really dug seeing Speed Demon crash into things repeatedly.  Pushing himself to the speed-limit, he found himself unable to adequately "pump the brakes".  Super fun to see that... and also, it facilitated our cliffhanger.

Overall, a really good issue from an era of Wally-Flash that doesn't always manage to grab my attention.  If you're interested in checking this out, it's available via DC Digital for only a buck!

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Action Comics #448 (1975)

Action Comics #448 (June, 1975)
"Don't Get Off on the 13th Floor!"
"Nightmare in Gold"
Writers - Elliot S! Maggin & Martin Pasko
Pencillers - Curt Swan & Dick Dillin
Inkers - Bob Oksner & Jose Luis Garcia-Lopez
Editor - Julius Schwartz
Cover Price: $0.25

We're about to learn that, Life is like a box of Action Comics... you never quite know what you're gonna get.

Today is another random pick... this time from the mid-70's, and hoo-boy, from that cover I could only imagine the kind of story we're in for!

Okay, let's not get our hopes up...

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We open with Roy Raymond, host of Impossible--But True debunking the exploits of dollar-store Uri Geller, Rudy Gaffer... who claims he can bend keys with his mind.  Raymond calls him out, and reveals him for the phony that he is.  On another floor of the Galaxy Building, Clark Kent and Steve Lombard get ready to meet Mr. Raymond for lunch.  Just as their lunch-date arrives, Steve is distracted by some sweet thing... and heads right into the elevator to chat her up.

After spitting adequate game, the lady gets off on her floor.  Wow, that's one awkward sentence... ahem.  Lombard remains, and pushes the button for the 14th Floor.  Much to his surprise, the elevator stops at the 13th (which the Galaxy Building doesn't even have)!

Suddenly a fracas unfolds... an absolute brouhaha.  There's a monster in the Galaxy Building!  The big-domed beast bashes through the plate-glass, and into the streets of Metropolis.

Clark "supes up" and gives chase... finding the monster to be of nearly equal strength to himself.  They fight for a bit... until the monster is struck with a crimson beam from a nearby police vehicle.  Superman is dumbfounded as to how the Metropolis Police had concocted such a powerful device without his knowledge.  Well... that's because these aren't the police.  More on that in a bit.

Back inside, Clark and Roy pop their heads into the elevator and find Steve Lombard hiding on the roof.  He tells them about what he had seen on the 13th Floor... it was as though he had stepped into outer space.  Clark's all "put up or shut up", and Steve attempts to demonstrate... hitting the button for the 14th Floor.  When the doors open, the trio find themselves on... well, the 14th Floor.

Clark and Roy step off, leaving Lombard behind.  And so, he tries it again.  Not sure how pushing the button for the 14th Floor works when you're... ya know, currently on the 14th Floor, but we'll allow it.  Anyhoo, he (somehow) winds up on the 13th Floor again... and decides to step out into the vast space before him.

At the same time, Steve Lombard (?) frantically runs through the halls of the Galaxy Building... pushing Clark and Roy aside as he passes them.  Is our Mr. Lombard experiencing a hallucination?  Is he just imagining that he's floating through space, when he's really just running around the Galaxy Building?  Well... no, sadly, nothing that interesting.

Clark "supes up" once again and gives chase.  As Lombard runs through the offices, his appearance begins to change... he suddenly has himself an over-sized dome like that monster from earlier!

We shift scenes to... space, where Steve Lombard (the real one) is standing before a pair of large-domed Tybaltian aliens.  Turns out they use the Galaxy Building as a transporter to facilitate... vacations on Earth?  Da hale.  As Steve is getting this knowledge dropped on him, Superman and the alien are dropping from the Galaxy Building.  We see Roy Raymond counting how many stories the Galaxy Building has... which apparently nobody has ever bothered to do before.

Superman and the alien crash into the street, causing a sizable crater in the sidewalk.  Roy runs up to inform Superman that there is in fact a 13th Floor in the Galaxy Building... and he's sure it has something to do with the influx of monsters.

And so, Superman flies up to the 13th Floor from the outside... waitasecond, doesn't Superman have x-ray vision?  Isn't he like always scanning the city... and doesn't he spend most of his waking hours inside the Galaxy Building?  He really didn't know this?  Aaaaanyhoo, he busts into the 13th Floor window, and winds up on Tybalt.  He gets the skinny on the Earth-Vaycay plot... and learns that the aliens are rather hospitable to visitors.  The whole mess started when Lombard accidentally arrived on the 13th Floor... because it screwed with their one-for-one "travel package", or some such nonsense.

Superman says he'll turn a blind eye to their use of Earth as a vacation destination if the Tybaltians send he and Steve back home.  Seems like the Man of Steel is wheeling and dealing on things that the rest of the Earth might not be all that cool with, but... we'll allow it.  After returning home, Steve and Clark walk toward the elevator to find... another Steve Lombard?!  Well, no... it's actually Roy Raymond in a... Steve Lombard mask (available at your local novelty shop).  Wonk wonk wonnnnnnnk....

This is Bronze Age Action Comics, which means... we're not done yet!  We've got some Action-Plus, starring the Atom!  We pick up with the Ray Palmer starting to turn into gold... a result of his lab assistant, Enrichetta (groan) Negrini dreaming about him.  Ya see, anything she dreams of (for the time being) transforms into gold.  Luckily, Ray transformed into the Atom... which halted his transformation.  Ya see, Enrichetta (groan) was thinking about Ray not the Atom.  Ya dig?

The Atom follows some coffee stains to the basement door and down a flight of stairs, whereupon he finds Enrichetta... dreaming, and surrounded by a pair of nogoodniks... and plenty of gold.  She begins dreaming of the bad guys... which begins their gilded transformation.

The Atom uses this to his advantage, and proceeds to beat the bad guys up.  Worth mentioning that Ray's arm is still golden, so his punches pack a bit more of a wallop right now.  Ray notices that Enrichetta is wearing a Philosopher's Stone that once belonged to an Alchemist... and deduces that must be the reason for the gilding.  He yanks it from her neck... and it gets stomped on by one of the baddies... reversing the spell.

The day is saved, Enrichetta reunites with her boyfriend Roberto... and Ray hangs up on Jean Loring when she suggests they see some movies with "gold" in the title.  Wonk wonk wonnnnnk. (wow, twice in one post!)

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Welp.

I gotta say, this one didn't quite live up to its cover.  I was expecting... well, not flat-out "horror", but something a bit more substantial than vacationing aliens mucking about in the 13th Floor of the Galaxy Building.

I'm always a sucker for Steve Lombard hijinks... but, man... this was just not a great story.  I'm probably doing it a disservice by overthinking it... but, I mean... we're to believe nobody (Superman included) ever realized there was a secret 13th Floor in the Galaxy Building?  I get that this is a "one-off", but still.  Are we to assume that the Tybaltian aliens are still using Earth as a Club Med for their weary big-domed monster populace?  Well, at least that's something that could be revisited... I guess.  Ehh, we know better... these geeks were a one-and-done.

I got excited for a brief moment thinking that this outer space stuff was just a Steve Lombard hallucination... perhaps a result of hypnosis by that dime-store Uri Geller from the open in order to prove that he has some sort of power... but alas, nope.  I figured there just had to be a reason why they showed him being debunked on Raymond's program... but I guess it was just a throwaway.

Anyhoo... the opener... was kind of a dud.  Silly, and kinda fun... but ultimately, a dud.  The back-up... ehhhhhh... you know how I feel about back-ups, and this Atom short did nothing to change my stance.  This seems like a decent enough idea for a story, but it isn't given any room to breathe.  The whole story could've been told in a single page... even forfeiting the bottom panel to shill Hostess Cup Cakes.

Overall... I mean, this has a pretty choice cover... and for that alone I'd say it might be worth a spot in your longbox, but the contents inside are far from "must reading".

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Action Comics #569 (1985)

Action Comics #569 (July, 1985)
"The Force of Revenge"
"Casting Call"
Story & Layouts - Dennis Yee
Script - Paul Kupperberg
Writer (back-up) - Michael J. Wolff
Pencillers - Irv Novick & Howard Bender
Inkers - Rodin Rodriguez & Pablo Marcos
Letterers - Duncan Andrews & Gaspar
Colorist - Gene D'Angelo
Editor - Julius Schwartz
Cover Price: $0.75

Toss an arrow in the bins... where it lands, I guess we'll read that one.  Sorry, my rhyme game is way off this morning.  Been awhile since I used that gimmick.

Today we're going to look at a completely random issue of Action Comics... we don't do nearly enough of those.  Normally when I choose the books we're going to discuss there's at least a little bit of a reason why... today, however, we're just flyin' by the seat of our pants.

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Our first story opens with Clark Kent returning to his office at the Galaxy Building after some Supermanning.  He arrives just as there is a knock at the door, from... Lois Lane.  She enters, and... wow, does her hair look like a helmet... maybe a hood.  Anyhoo, she asks that Clark take a look at a chapter she just roughed up for her book.  He's more than happy to comply.  Before Lois leaves him to it, she asks about his relationship with Lana... but doesn't get all that much information in response.  We can see that Lois regrets that she might've "missed the boat" on our Mr. Kent.

We then shift scenes to Del Mar High School where Tina "Dogface" Gerber is walking toward her locker.  As she enters the hallway, we see a pair of goofs (one with a really bad mohawk) messing with it.  Turns out they just stuffed a mean Valentine into it.  Tina throws it to the ground, and runs home... where she proceeds to throw herself down on her bed.  She falls asleep thinking to herself how much she hates everyone... and herself.

From those thoughts manifest... Rhavenj (say it out loud)... a creature who feeds on a lust for, well, revenge.

It turns out that tonight is the annual Del Mar High "Boogie Night", or maybe it's the Prom... or maybe the Prom's theme is "Boogie Night", which feels at least a decade passed its "sell by" date in 1985.  Lois Lane is there in order to research "today's proms"... and finds herself with a front-row seat to Rhavenj's rampage!

She manages to slip away, and makes a phone call to Clark Kent to see if he might be able to get a hold of Superman.  That's all he needs to hear... even though he'd be leaving Lana and their romantic din-din behind.

Superman arrives at Del Mar High, and a fight is on!  We can see that Tina Gerber is still dreaming, and can feel all of the pain and anger she's inflicting.  Superman slams Rhavenj with some heat vision... to which, the baddie then hits Lois Lane with some "heat vision" of his own... which fills her with hatred toward Superman!  Wrapping her fingers around his throat, she lets out all of her frustration of having her heart broken time and again by the Man of Steel.

Superman is finally able to talk her down... and it's pretty strange.  He doesn't tell her he "loves" her to get her to cool her jets... he instead explained how he "loved" her, like past tense.  She eventually calms down.

This love... or former love... or whatever, is enough to turn Rhavenj into a pile of ash and a waft of brimstone stench.  I didn't see a "BAMF!" sound-effect, so we can probably assume he's gone for good.

We hop back to Tina Gerber's bedroom, where she groggily wakes up... recalling the "dream" she just had.  Suddenly, the phone rings!  It's one of those bullies from earlier.  It would seem his recent brush with Rhavenj has made him change his tune.  He apologizes to Tina and asks if they could put the past behind them, and be friends!

We wrap up with Superman dropping Lois off at her apartment.  They kinda linger in the embrace for a few seconds too long before stepping apart.  Superman suggests maybe they give their romance a try one more time... to which, Lois tells him that neither of them will be able to change enough to make that actually work.  The same problems will continue to arise.  And so, Superman bids her g'nite.

That story might be over, but we're not done yet!  Let's get to the back-up... where we find a line-up of people in Superman costumes (uh, just like the cover).  We learn that this is a "casting call" for a Superman movie to be produced by the M'Vorn aliens... who kinda look like mutant octopuses.  They're a peaceful bunch who wish to make the movie in tribute of the Man of Steel to thank him for saving their planet.

Since their entire race looks like... well, mutant octopuses, they needed to come to Earth in order to find the perfect bi-pedal actor.

Superman, the real one, arrives and checks in with Tufta'Dl, the M'Vorn First Minister for Pleasurably Stimulating Optical Results (oy), and tries to get the skinny on what's going on.  Ya see, the crowd in the street is a very mixed one, and frankly... not very many of them look like the Real Steel Deal.  Then... we get the punchline (for the first time... second if you count the cover) the M'Vorn can't tell humans apart... if you've seen one, you've seen 'em all.

We head back outside and take a look at one very desperate actor... who proceeds to strap a makeshift jetpack to his back in order to get the aliens' attention.  This doesn't go all that well... and results in the apartment the aliens are occupying being filled with smoke.

From the smoke the aliens hear the sound of coughing... which they confuse with poetry.  They find the culprit, Michael Betker, and decide he'd make the perfect Superman for their film.

We get the "all humans look alike" schtick again... because, admit it, it was so funny the first couple of times, and Superman decides to let this poor goof leave with the aliens... not knowing if he'll ever return home again.

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Well, this is kinda the very definition of "mixed bag", ain't it?

Let's get the back-up out of the way first... because... well, let's just get that out of the way.  The entire thing is just the gag from the cover.  It's like they had this "wacky" idea that an alien might not be able to tell humans apart... then decided to stretch that concept into an eight-page story.

I mean, it's not the worst thing... but it joke was sure stretched thin by the end of it.  The art was fun, I'll give it that.  It was pretty neat seeing a Julius Schwartz cameo... and izzat John F. Kennedy making that funny face at us on the cover?  I guess he was back from his adventures in space.

Onto the "main" feature... it was equally silly, in that odd "revenge fantasy" kinda way.  I mean, I guess when you're bullied you might fantasize about taking all of the power away from your tormentors... and in the DC Universe, I suppose that might cause you to manifest a punny-named revenge demon.  No harm, no foul... but, if you ask me, that's not what sticks with ya after reading this.

The best bit, at least to me, is the weird love tria... er, rhombus, between Lois, Clark, Lana and Superman.  It's especially interesting seeing Superman really conflicted about who he might want to be with.  I mean, in his civvies, he's Lana's guy... but he runs off to help Lois without much coercion.  Also, that bit at the end... he suggests they (Lois and Superman) give their romance one more try.  That's some pretty complicated stuff... what then happens to the Lana/Clark relationship?  Do we go full-blown "Superman Red/Superman Blue" here?  It's all very interesting.

I'm not sure if we're supposed to feel sympathy for Lana here... clearly being the thir...er, fourth wheel (fourth wheel doesn't sound terribly inconvenient, does it?).  I can say... I really don't.  Maybe that makes me a bad dude... but, Lana just irritates the heck out of me... especially in this pre-Crisis, calling everybody "luv/love" persona.  Yuck.

Overall, I'd say this isn't required reading by any stretch... if you're an Action completionist (like the idiot whose words you're reading) then it's a no-brainer... otherwise, ehh.

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