Action Comics #345 (1967)

Action Comics #345 (January, 1967)
"The Day Candid Camera Unmasked Superman's Identity!"
"The Exile of Steel"
Writers - Leo Dorfman & Jim Shooter
Artists - Al Plastino & Jim Mooney
Letters - Joe Letterese
Cover Price: $0.12

Now there's one wacky cover!

Lucked into this one just yesterday in a 50-cent bin... which should tell ya, it wasn't in the best of condition.  It's all in one piece... or at least it was before I read it, so I can't complain all that much.

I tell ya, there are certain books that I will buy in the worst of condition... and this iconic-covered oddity is definitely one of them.

Full disclosure, the cover-image above is one I found online... I found it a difficult-to-impossible task finding the "good side" of my copy.

Either way... happy to have it, and really happy to be including it in our #Action100 endeavor!

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We open and immediately learn that Perry White from the Daily Planet is quite the "comedy" fan.  He's really into Allen Funt and his Candid Camera antics.  Take this gag for instance, Funt watches while a man pretends to be a gorilla at the zoo... and everybody but the "mark" plays along as though it's really a gorilla.  Oh the fun!  Suddenly White's viewing is interrupted by a phone call reporting that there's currently a "hold up" at the Daily Planet.  Instead of, ya know... calling the cops, he just heads on down.  Upon arrival he sees that the entire Daily Planet Building has been flown off by Superman!

He shouts at the Man of Steel to lower the building, and so... he does.  As Perry reads him the riot act, we learn it's... just a prank, bro!  In other words, you've been Funted!  Impish Allen pokes his head out to inform the Chief that he's on Candid Camera... and the whole world will see him looking annoyed that somebody ripped his building out of the ground.  I think "annoyed" is the appropriate response, don't you?

Turns out this (this?) prank was one of the highest rated pranks in the history of the program... and so, Funt decides his next prank will also be aimed at a Daily Planet employee... this time it's going to be aired live, and the target... Clark Kent!

Meanwhile, back at the Planet, the staffers razz the Chief for his earlier Funting.  He returns to his office just as the phone starts ringing... and it's Allen Funt (I swear I've typed the word "Funt" more in the past five minutes than I have in my entire life), and he tips Perry off to his plan.

We later join Impish Allen as he has his hooptie fueled up.  The pump-jockey is shocked to watch as the vehicle begins to float away... but, how?!

Oh-ho, you've been Funted poor laborer!  Ya see, he filled his trunk up with all sorts of floaty gases... which, I suppose is as good an explanation as any... which is to say, it's ridiculous.

A little later, and Allen's jolly journey continues... this time, he chooses to terrorize some teen-agers who are attempting to vandalize a statue in Metropolis Park.  They toss snowballs at it (when did it snow?)... only to learn that it's alive... alive... ALIVE!

Relax lads, it's just a prank... Fiendish Funt let's them in on the gag... and even takes them out for burgers!

We next turn our attention to Clark Kent, who is on assignment for the Daily Planet taking in the "Gay Nineties" Exhibit at the Metropolis Fair.  Looks like the 1890's were... pretty boring.  Clark watches a reenactment of a 75-Round boxing match... and then watches a fat guy eat a big meal.  Also worth noting, there's a superhero gift-shop... probably to keep the little ones quiet.

Suddenly, some of the Gay Nineties cosplayers reveal that they are holding the place up (with, er, guns that is... they're not actually lifting the fair out of the ground).  Clark rushes off to the nearest phone booth... a Phony-Funty-Phone Booth.  At this point, Allen decides to reveal the "gag" (Was there a gag?  Did I miss it?)... opening the phone booth door, revealing... Clark Kent changing into Superman!

The people of Metropolis are shocked by the reveal!

Then... the story starts to go a bit "ca ca".  Clark continues to strip out of his business attire, revealing that he's not only wearing Superman's shirt and cape... but Batman's leggings, boots and utility belt.  Well, that explains everything!  Allen Funt just "outed" the Composite Superman!  Or not.

Ya see, Clark reveals that the pranker... has just become the prankee.  Since he's such a big fan of Candid Camera, Clark was watching on a tiny television... so he knew that he was the "mark".  In order to give Feisty Funt a jolt, he grabbed some superhero paraphernalia from the gift shop.  Oh-ho.  Funt's been Funted... and we're outta here.

But... we're not done.  It's time for some Action-Plus... before they even called it that!  It's a Supergirl story... in which she wound up on the planet Gaea... and somehow became President of their United States.  She is currently jailed for treasonous acts... and is awaiting her impeachment trial.

She is suspected of aiding nogoodniks of A.R.M. (The Adult Revolt Movement, if you're nasty) in their attempt to overthrow the government.  Linda's veep, Richard Malvin takes the stand... and proceeds to throw Supergirl right under the bus.  Linda loses her cool and calls Tricky Dick a liar.

The next day the verdict is read... and Linda is guilty-as-charged.  Her punishment... exile!  She, again, loses her cool... and proceeds to lash out at everyone around her before going off-planet.

Richard Malvin is later sworn in as President... and wouldn'tcha know it, all of his new appointments have ties to A.R.M.!  It's almost as though he... nooo...

Turns out Malvin was in cahoots with the baddies all along!  The government begins to fall apart... the Constitution is burned... and rabble-rousers are set to be executed!  A.R.M. doesn't mess around!

The attempt to hang the subversives... fails.  The ropes snap.  No worries, we'll just line 'em up for a firing squad... only thing, that doesn't seem to work either.

Turns out Supergirl has returned to Gaea to take down A.R.M. (I keep typing A.I.M.). We learn that this was all a dupe by she and her lawyer... and she explains that her absence was so prolonged due to some crisis in space.

The Gaeans are overjoyed, and we wrap up with them holding a ticker-tape parade in her honor.

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Okay... this was a lot of fun(t).

I don't know why, but I'm tickled at the idea of Allen Funt just terrorizing (and annoying) anybody who happens to fall into his path.  Dude seems like he could be a great Silver-Age super villain, don't you think?  People just trying to mind their own business... get pranked, humiliated... Funted.  I think we need an Allen Funt/Mr. Mxyzptlk crossover.  I think I'll put that in my "good idea" fan-fiction folder.

I only wish a few of these pranks occurred without cameras present... just to show Funt as an impish jerk who messes with folks for his own amusement.

The big "Superman is Clark Kent" reveal... ehh... suitably silly I suppose.  The explanation kinda neglects the fact that, ya know... Superman and Clark Kent look exactly alike, and this could only draw more attention to that fact, right?  I mean, Lois is already suspicious... and seeing him in half-dress, regardless of the flimsy excuse, is going to be a difficult image to forget.  Kinda like a lawyer telling a jury to dismiss something horrible they'd just heard about a defendent.  It just ain't that easy.  Then again, maybe I'm just thinking too hard.

Speaking of lawyers... we also have that Supergirl back-up.  It was, um... pretty good as far as backups go.  Being a fella who complains about decompressed storytelling, it would be silly for me to rattle the cage on a very compressed story, right?  Well... I'll just say that it felt like this one could've used a few more pages to "breathe".

Overall... had a great time with this.  Doesn't look like it's been collected... nor has it been made available digitally.  If you happen to come across it... definitely consider giving it a grab.

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Flash (vol.2) #5 (1987)

Flash (vol.2) #5 (October, 1987)

"Speed McGee"

Writer - Mike Baron

Penciller - Jackson Guice

Guest Inker - Jack Torrance (hmm...)

Letterer - Steve Haynie

Colorist - Shelley Eiber

Editor - Mike Gold

Cover Price: $0.75

You ever have that one odd issue of a series that always seems to elude you?  Like, it's not a "key" issue, and it doesn't have any real "book value", but for whatever reason... you never seem to come across it?

Well, today we're going to discuss an issue of Flash that long escaped my grubby grasp.

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We open in the Syracuse home of Jerry and Tina McGee.  Tina met our man Wally in Utah when he had a run in with the Kilg%re... and has decided she wants a divorce from her controlling hubby.  Jer' doesn't take the news all that well, and proceeds to pummel her a bit.  Worth noting, homeboy has one heckuva strange bald spot.  Not wanting to be second-best to a speedy superhero, Jerry (Doctor Jerry, that is) heads to his office at Volton Labs and continues "Project Ubermensch" (probably one of the several dozen "Project Ubermensches" going on in the DC Universe at the time).  He gets himself roided up all nice and good.

We shift scenes to Wally West's new Hamptons dig where he looks like he's about to "get physical" with his new entertainment center.  Sometimes we forget that there was a bit of tragedy in the 1980's when it comes to fashion.  His project is interrupted by a ringing phone... and wouldn'tcha know it, it's his new lady-friend Tina McGee.

He agrees to meet with her at diner, and along the way he reminds us that she is eleven years his senior.  He's 20, and she's 31.  When he sees her bruised face, he insists they report the incident to the police.  She refuses, claiming that she owes Jerry her silence for everything good he'd done for her.  Outside we can see that Wally and Tina are being watched.

This peeping perv reports his observations to Jerry McGee... however, by this point Wally has already "flashed up" and run off with Tina... leaving this geek holding the bag.  Jerry seems nonplussed... and looks rather different than before, he says he'll take care of everything.

Next thing we know, Jerry is dressed in his new Speed Demon costume (though "Speed McGee" just sounds so much cooler).  He goes to give chase to Wally and Tina, however, learns rather quickly that "running really fast" isn't nearly as easy as it looks.  He runs into walls, people, and even a horse!  With each crash, he notices that he is none the worse for wear physically.

Back in the Hamptons, Wally shows Tina around the house the New York lotto built.  It's a pretty uncomfortable scene... we can almost tell that they both feel like what they're doing is somehow wrong... well, maybe not "wrong", but also not "right".  Wally heads off to take a bath... but is interrupted by a ringing... doorbell!  It's Wally's pop, Rudolph West come for an unexpected visit... and boy is it awkward.  Of course we all oughta know why that is.  If'n ya don't... it's because Rudy West is............. a Manhunter.

Rudy hands Wally the latest edition of the local newspaper which includes an editorial about the town's liability insurance being cancelled due to Wally moving in.  Wally and Tina then head out to (the very posh-sounding) Chez Quiche for a bite... and would'ntcha know it, the President of the City Council is also there.  Wally approaches looking for some answers.  He isn't terribly satisfied with what he gets... an invitation to attend the next City Council meeting.

The couple heads back to Wally's place... and later that night, Tina asks if she can sleep in his bed.  She says that she only feels safe in his arms... to which, he says he feels the exact opposite.

Just then... Speed Demon busts through the wall!

Wally "flashes up" and proceeds to pummel the baddie with super-speed-strikes.  Speed Demon just laughs it off.  He then throws Wally into various pieces of furniture... and grabs Tina to make an escape.

Speed takes off running, but if you'll recall, he doesn't yet have full control of his newfound swiftness.  He (with Tina) runs right into a nearby Texaco Fuel Depot... and BOOM goes the baddie (and presumably, much of the neighborhood).

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Really good issue!

I wasn't reading DC Comics back in 1987, but I could only imagine how folks who were used to reading Barry-Flash were taking to this new volume.  It must've been one heckuva shock.  I'd compare it to that ill-fated Bart Allen-led Flash: The Fastest Man Alive series... but that was just, blech.

I really dig that Wally is acting like a confused young person here.  It all feels quite natural (in context that he's a superpowered fella).  He's getting quite the crash-course in being a grown-up here... dealing with married women, having to maintain a home, dealing with City Council, and watching as his parents drift apart.

He also seems to be learning that his money and powers can't fix everything.  He gifted his folks a cool half-mill... which his father blew.  He bought and renovated an awesome house... and the city wants him out.  He tries to keep Tina safe... but Speed McGee won't stop until he gets her back.  Really good stuff here.

Speaking of ol' Speed... I loved seeing his own "growing pains".  So often in comics, we see folks who become super-powered, and somehow just know how to fully control their new abilities.  Hell, just look at all of the Flashes... it's just running really fast, right?  I really dug seeing Speed Demon crash into things repeatedly.  Pushing himself to the speed-limit, he found himself unable to adequately "pump the brakes".  Super fun to see that... and also, it facilitated our cliffhanger.

Overall, a really good issue from an era of Wally-Flash that doesn't always manage to grab my attention.  If you're interested in checking this out, it's available via DC Digital for only a buck!

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Action Comics #448 (1975)

Action Comics #448 (June, 1975)
"Don't Get Off on the 13th Floor!"
"Nightmare in Gold"
Writers - Elliot S! Maggin & Martin Pasko
Pencillers - Curt Swan & Dick Dillin
Inkers - Bob Oksner & Jose Luis Garcia-Lopez
Editor - Julius Schwartz
Cover Price: $0.25

We're about to learn that, Life is like a box of Action Comics... you never quite know what you're gonna get.

Today is another random pick... this time from the mid-70's, and hoo-boy, from that cover I could only imagine the kind of story we're in for!

Okay, let's not get our hopes up...

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We open with Roy Raymond, host of Impossible--But True debunking the exploits of dollar-store Uri Geller, Rudy Gaffer... who claims he can bend keys with his mind.  Raymond calls him out, and reveals him for the phony that he is.  On another floor of the Galaxy Building, Clark Kent and Steve Lombard get ready to meet Mr. Raymond for lunch.  Just as their lunch-date arrives, Steve is distracted by some sweet thing... and heads right into the elevator to chat her up.

After spitting adequate game, the lady gets off on her floor.  Wow, that's one awkward sentence... ahem.  Lombard remains, and pushes the button for the 14th Floor.  Much to his surprise, the elevator stops at the 13th (which the Galaxy Building doesn't even have)!

Suddenly a fracas unfolds... an absolute brouhaha.  There's a monster in the Galaxy Building!  The big-domed beast bashes through the plate-glass, and into the streets of Metropolis.

Clark "supes up" and gives chase... finding the monster to be of nearly equal strength to himself.  They fight for a bit... until the monster is struck with a crimson beam from a nearby police vehicle.  Superman is dumbfounded as to how the Metropolis Police had concocted such a powerful device without his knowledge.  Well... that's because these aren't the police.  More on that in a bit.

Back inside, Clark and Roy pop their heads into the elevator and find Steve Lombard hiding on the roof.  He tells them about what he had seen on the 13th Floor... it was as though he had stepped into outer space.  Clark's all "put up or shut up", and Steve attempts to demonstrate... hitting the button for the 14th Floor.  When the doors open, the trio find themselves on... well, the 14th Floor.

Clark and Roy step off, leaving Lombard behind.  And so, he tries it again.  Not sure how pushing the button for the 14th Floor works when you're... ya know, currently on the 14th Floor, but we'll allow it.  Anyhoo, he (somehow) winds up on the 13th Floor again... and decides to step out into the vast space before him.

At the same time, Steve Lombard (?) frantically runs through the halls of the Galaxy Building... pushing Clark and Roy aside as he passes them.  Is our Mr. Lombard experiencing a hallucination?  Is he just imagining that he's floating through space, when he's really just running around the Galaxy Building?  Well... no, sadly, nothing that interesting.

Clark "supes up" once again and gives chase.  As Lombard runs through the offices, his appearance begins to change... he suddenly has himself an over-sized dome like that monster from earlier!

We shift scenes to... space, where Steve Lombard (the real one) is standing before a pair of large-domed Tybaltian aliens.  Turns out they use the Galaxy Building as a transporter to facilitate... vacations on Earth?  Da hale.  As Steve is getting this knowledge dropped on him, Superman and the alien are dropping from the Galaxy Building.  We see Roy Raymond counting how many stories the Galaxy Building has... which apparently nobody has ever bothered to do before.

Superman and the alien crash into the street, causing a sizable crater in the sidewalk.  Roy runs up to inform Superman that there is in fact a 13th Floor in the Galaxy Building... and he's sure it has something to do with the influx of monsters.

And so, Superman flies up to the 13th Floor from the outside... waitasecond, doesn't Superman have x-ray vision?  Isn't he like always scanning the city... and doesn't he spend most of his waking hours inside the Galaxy Building?  He really didn't know this?  Aaaaanyhoo, he busts into the 13th Floor window, and winds up on Tybalt.  He gets the skinny on the Earth-Vaycay plot... and learns that the aliens are rather hospitable to visitors.  The whole mess started when Lombard accidentally arrived on the 13th Floor... because it screwed with their one-for-one "travel package", or some such nonsense.

Superman says he'll turn a blind eye to their use of Earth as a vacation destination if the Tybaltians send he and Steve back home.  Seems like the Man of Steel is wheeling and dealing on things that the rest of the Earth might not be all that cool with, but... we'll allow it.  After returning home, Steve and Clark walk toward the elevator to find... another Steve Lombard?!  Well, no... it's actually Roy Raymond in a... Steve Lombard mask (available at your local novelty shop).  Wonk wonk wonnnnnnnk....

This is Bronze Age Action Comics, which means... we're not done yet!  We've got some Action-Plus, starring the Atom!  We pick up with the Ray Palmer starting to turn into gold... a result of his lab assistant, Enrichetta (groan) Negrini dreaming about him.  Ya see, anything she dreams of (for the time being) transforms into gold.  Luckily, Ray transformed into the Atom... which halted his transformation.  Ya see, Enrichetta (groan) was thinking about Ray not the Atom.  Ya dig?

The Atom follows some coffee stains to the basement door and down a flight of stairs, whereupon he finds Enrichetta... dreaming, and surrounded by a pair of nogoodniks... and plenty of gold.  She begins dreaming of the bad guys... which begins their gilded transformation.

The Atom uses this to his advantage, and proceeds to beat the bad guys up.  Worth mentioning that Ray's arm is still golden, so his punches pack a bit more of a wallop right now.  Ray notices that Enrichetta is wearing a Philosopher's Stone that once belonged to an Alchemist... and deduces that must be the reason for the gilding.  He yanks it from her neck... and it gets stomped on by one of the baddies... reversing the spell.

The day is saved, Enrichetta reunites with her boyfriend Roberto... and Ray hangs up on Jean Loring when she suggests they see some movies with "gold" in the title.  Wonk wonk wonnnnnk. (wow, twice in one post!)

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Welp.

I gotta say, this one didn't quite live up to its cover.  I was expecting... well, not flat-out "horror", but something a bit more substantial than vacationing aliens mucking about in the 13th Floor of the Galaxy Building.

I'm always a sucker for Steve Lombard hijinks... but, man... this was just not a great story.  I'm probably doing it a disservice by overthinking it... but, I mean... we're to believe nobody (Superman included) ever realized there was a secret 13th Floor in the Galaxy Building?  I get that this is a "one-off", but still.  Are we to assume that the Tybaltian aliens are still using Earth as a Club Med for their weary big-domed monster populace?  Well, at least that's something that could be revisited... I guess.  Ehh, we know better... these geeks were a one-and-done.

I got excited for a brief moment thinking that this outer space stuff was just a Steve Lombard hallucination... perhaps a result of hypnosis by that dime-store Uri Geller from the open in order to prove that he has some sort of power... but alas, nope.  I figured there just had to be a reason why they showed him being debunked on Raymond's program... but I guess it was just a throwaway.

Anyhoo... the opener... was kind of a dud.  Silly, and kinda fun... but ultimately, a dud.  The back-up... ehhhhhh... you know how I feel about back-ups, and this Atom short did nothing to change my stance.  This seems like a decent enough idea for a story, but it isn't given any room to breathe.  The whole story could've been told in a single page... even forfeiting the bottom panel to shill Hostess Cup Cakes.

Overall... I mean, this has a pretty choice cover... and for that alone I'd say it might be worth a spot in your longbox, but the contents inside are far from "must reading".

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