Relative Heroes #1 (2000)

Relative Heroes #1 (March, 2000)
"Fate and Other Accidents"
Writer - Devin K. Grayson
Penciller - Yvel Guichet
Inker - Aaron Sowd
Letterer - Bill Oakley
Colorist/Separations - Rob Schwager
Assistant Editor - Frank Berrios
Editors - Jordan B. Gorfinkel & Darren Vincenzo
Cover Price: $2.50

Hey gang, wanted to open up today with a bit of housekeeping... but can't quite make the words "work" for me.  Guess I'll save that non-announcement for another day.

Today we're digging back into that weird-o box to check out a book that might go well with that The Human Race book we looked at not all that long ago.

Originally conceived as "The Weinbergs" (which sounds like something that just jumps off the shelves atcha, doesn't it?  I'm having Osborn flashbacks), Relative Heroes will follow a group of orphans across the country in a Winnebago.  So... let's get right to it.

--

We open in the middle of the story, where the kids we're about to meet are already on the road... being tailed by a group of costumed characters.  The one named Joel appears to be our narrator... and he takes us back to where the story began.  Ya see, just a few hours earlier these Weinberg kids' parents were killed in a car accident.

There are two "blood" Weinberg kids... Joel and little Aviva.  One adopted Weinberg, Tyson... one "cousin" Cameron, and a babysitter-who's-sort-of-like-family, Damara.  Upon seeing the news of their parents' fiery death... they all seem, I dunno... cool with it?!

Joel organizes the crew... and lays out their plan.  First they'll meet up with Grandpa and collect their inheritance money (so they can buy superhero costumes, natch), then they'll drive the Winnebago all the way across country to Metropolis so they can chat Superman up?

As they load into the Winnie... that's when the kids start to get antsy.  When they're antsy, they start to display their powers.  Tyson goes invisible, Aviva begins to surge with electricity... Damara, uh, emits pheromones that cause people to fall in love with her... and Cameron runs fast, flies... maybe both... maybe more?  For the minute, however, he talks to his plant, Chloe.

As they pull away from the house, Joel reveals that his father just introduced Cameron to the family... and introduced him as a cousin... even though, the Weinberg brats had no aunts or uncles.  A neighbor moseys up to the 'Bago... to which, Cam informs her that they're off to see Superman.  Totally normal reaction to the deaths of their parents.

Before leaving town, Damara tells her mother she's splitting for a bit to help the Weinberg family.  Joel stops at the comic book store for the latest issue of Hyperman... and to tell the dude behind the counter that, with his parents now dead... he's now got that "super-hero prerequisite" out of the way.  Wow, dodge dem tropes people!

On their way out, the kids stop at a convenience store to stock up on essentials.  I guess there was no food at their house.  While there, they run into a group of suited D.E.O. Agents... and find themselves ambushed by those costumed characters we saw at the open.

The D.E.O. group reveals that they're after "Project Cypher", which... as it turns out is young Cameron.  Guess that explains his powers.  Doesn't explain the rest of their powers, but it explains his!

The fight continues... the convenience store explodes, and the Weinbergs hustle back into the 'Bago... and we're right up to the point where we started.  With the authorities hot on their trail, Joel decides now is the time to start making a real jerk of himself.... really trying to rile his fellow Weinberg's up.  He then suggests they stop the chase, and go out and fight off the D.E.O.  And so, Damara and Aviva do just that.  Who says chivalry's dead.

When the D.E.O. forces are whittled down enough, the kids make their escape.  We pick up with them the next morning... where Joel asks Aviva if she wants some pancakes.  It's a creepy as hell panel, and I had to include it.

We wrap up with the introduction of... a water elemental, who claims to be the fiancee of Damara?!

--

Well, this was all over the place, wasn't it?

Not gonna lie, this was a difficult read.  Feels like they were trying to stuff a bag two-sizes too small here.  So much was going on that we didn't really get a chance to meet (and develop any sort of interest in) the Weinbergs.

The fact that so much of the "story" is told in narrative captions was kinda rough as well.  I mean, we've got Joel (and it took me multiple flips back and forth to make sure he wasn't Cameron) just listing names of his skatey-eight hundred brothers and sisters.  When we open an all-new story in the most confusing and difficult to follow way... it almost demands a reread.  Only the story isn't interesting enough to warrant one!

The storytelling, insofar as the art... didn't help.  The art itself looks okay however the panels don't have all that great a flow.  It's muddled... and, again... just too much.  We've got panels of the kids in street clothes... then costume... then street clothes... what is going on?!

The kids' reaction... or lack of a reaction over their parents' death... I mean... are we supposed to dislike these kids?  Is the big reveal going to be that these kids are jerks, and we shouldn't try and empathize with them?  Because that's how I'm feeling at the moment.  Several decades of comic-reading experience tells me that there's (hopefully) more to this story... but, as of this point... do I even care?  Not really.

I gotta mention that scene at the comic store.  Joel tells dude behind the counter about "dead parents" being a prerequisite to becoming a superhero.  This comic occurs in the DC Universe... is this a trope we really want to be "known" by the ordinary rabble?  I mean, I get that it's a "cute" reference that perks our ears up a bit... but, c'mon... it's a dumb line to say inside a DC Comic that occurs inside the DC Universe.

Overall... I can't say that you need the Weinbergs in your life.  It's decent for a "rookie" outing... but still something of a chore.  The most interesting part of this is that it was created in the first place.

--

(Not the) Letters Page:

--

Interesting Ads:

Psycomic DOT com now leads to a blank page...
I'd like to think this ad contributed to the fall.

860

Scare Tactics #1 (1996)

Scare Tactics #1 (December, 1996)
"Blitzkrieg Bop"
Writer - Len Kaminski
Penciller - Anthony Williams
Inker - Andy Lanning
Letterer - Pat Prentice
Colorist - James Sinclair
Assistant Editor - Dread Kali
Editor - D.K. Thorslund
Cover Price: $2.25

I ever tell you about the time I passed up on an entire run of Scare Tactics that I stumbled across in a dime-bin?  Either way, I guess I just did!

No sooner did I leave the store than I felt a massive wave of regret.  It's funny the silly things we regret... and those silly things we won't allow ourselves to forget we regret.  Anyhoo, I'm slowly but surely tracking down all of those issues I'd passed up on all them years ago.

In case you'd like some music to go along with your reading... might I suggest, inhumanifesto by... er, Scare Tactics.

If you're a listener of Chris and Reggie's Cosmic Treadmill... and really, why wouldn't you be... you might remember we mentioned that the writer of this very comic, Len Kaminski actually wrote and paid for the above recording... with hopes that DC Comics would distribute it as a "Bootleg" cassette tape alongside the comic.

DC, for whatever reason (cost, probably... maybe the fast and loose use of f-bombs) passed on the idea.  I wonder if they regret that?

We're all about regret this fine day... and now, it's time to read Scare Tactics... and they're gonna "make you wish you were dead!"

--

We open up... in traffic.  A fella named Arnold Burnsteel is weaving his van in and out, nearly wrecking at every turn.  Inside the van, we see that he's not alone.  His passengers' faces are cloaked in shadow... but we get the distinct impression that they're kiiiiinda weird.  It's not until they stop and unload that we see just what they're all about.

Nina, the Vampire-looking goth-gal pulls away from the group to explore her own "scene".  Burnsteel suggests they stick together, but she ain't havin' it.  I suppose we should reveal that she's not just "vampire-looking"... she's actually a vampire.

Nearby a roof-full of priests (sounds like the start of a joke) look on.  They're on the trail of "Skorzeny", who I'm going to assume is really Nina... as they were sure she would return.  Gotta wonder just how long these geeks have been hanging out on the roof "just in case".

Looks like Nina might've been the linchpin of our odd menagerie, because no sooner does she leave than two of the other members go their own ways as well.  Jimmy (the green zombie dude) walks away spouting off about his "daddy issues", Jake decides it's time for him to return to his "lone wolf" ways (you'll never guess what kinda monster he really is).  Phil remains at Arnold's side... which is kinda cool.  What's a whole lot less cool is the fact that he just ate a lady's dog.

We now follow Nina into the SlaughterHouse night club.  Worth noting, it's "Open Mike Night"... gonna assume they meant "Open Mic Night", but with a club like this... who knows?  Jimmy the Zombie attempts to follow her in, but is stopped at the door.  Doesn't he know that green skin is soooooo yesterday?

Next, we rejoin Jake... who realizes he's being tailed.  He follows his nose to find one of the baddie priests... and he scares him up real good.

Meanwhile, Arnold and Phil are camped out at a Big Belly Burger.  Burnsteel is waiting for an email from a fella named Jared... but it ain't coming.

Back at the SlaughterHouse, Nina is on the prowl.  She sidles up to a pretty young thing at the bar, and flashes her pearly whites.  Outside, Jimmy observes a gaggle of priests walking into the club (okay, now that definitely sounds like the start of a joke).

Over at Big Belly Burger, Jake rejoins Arnold and da big guy and informs them of their priestly problem.  They decide to head to the SlaughterHouse to make sure Nina's okay.  As they enter, an overweight Dee Snider-looking fella quits his band... leaving "Open Mike Night" one band short.

We rejoin Nina... who has just drained her latest victim.  The priests arrive just as she's finishing up.  She goes to attack, but is blasted by an ultra violet light.  Before they can... I dunno, drive a stake through her heart or whatever, Jimmy the Zombie leaps in and bites the priest on the shoulder.

Nina and Jimmy rush into the crowd and stumble upon the rest of the group.  The priests are closing in... and so, Arnold Burnsteel has an idea.  The weirdos hop on stage and introduce themselves...

... as Scare Tactics, and they're going to make us all wish we were dead.

They start playing a rockin' tune... instigating a mosh pit, where the priests all get beat up.

We wrap up with Arnold suggesting they take this show... on the road.

--

Well, this was pretty fun.

Not sure I necessarily feel the need to follow this series, but as a one-off, I had a good time with this... and might just come back for more.  I definitely appreciate the "throw it at the wall and see if it sticks" post-boom era of DC Comics.

We actually talk a great deal about that very era in a semi-recent installment of the Cosmic Treadmill... the same one where we mention the "bootleg" cassette, asamattafact.




Trying something different isn't always a good thing... but it often makes for interesting discussion.  You gotta wonder what DC's plans for a book like Scare Tactics would be.

Now, the issue itself... does a fine job of introducing us to the characters and establishing a threat.  Since the bad guys are part of the "establishment", I suppose we're headed for a "monsters are people too" sort of scenario... which is fine.  The added element of the monsters being a traveling rock band... well, that's just fun.

The art here is good... but, uneven.  I get a real Chris Bachalo vibe here... except when Williams is drawing "freak out" panels (like the Nina one toward the top).  Those just look a bit "off".  I know I use "OEL manga" as a descriptor for any time art looks a bit "off", but... I feel like it kind of applies here as well.

Overall, being the curiosity that it is... I don't think I have any choice but to recommend at least taking a look at this one.  It's definitely a side of the DC Universe we don't get to visit nearly enough.  Unsurprisingly, this doesn't look to have been made available digitally... but it shouldn't be too terribly difficult to come across in the wild.  Hell, you might even find it for a dime!

--

Letters Page:

--

Interesting Ads:

859

Gen¹³ (vol.2) #14 (1996)

Gen¹³ (vol.2) #14 (November, 1996)
"Higher Learning"
Story - Brandon Choi, J. Scott Campbell & Jim Lee
Penciller - Luke Ross
Inker - Sandra Hope
Colors - Joe Chiodo & Martin Jimenez
Computer Colors - WildStorm FX
Assistant Editor - Gigi Barbes
Editor - Sarah Becker
Cover Price: #$2.50

Another pick informed by a twitter exchange with Andrew.  Been a minute since we looked at Gen¹³... so why not?

--

Wake up in the morning, feeling shy and lonely, gee they gotta go to school.  It's a new day in La Jolla, California... and it just so happens to be the first day... of school?!  C'mon, teams of superhero kids don't go to school, do they?  Aren't they all just taught at whatever institute they're based out of?  Well, I guess that's not exactly the way it works for our Gen-Actives.  And so, while Caitlin's father Alex Fairchild does his... tai chi, or whatever... the kids all get ready for their big day.

Elsewhere, Burnout has done a rather poor job of shaving himself... having nicked himself several times over.  Unfortunately, Rainmaker saunters by in her unmentionables... which causes our man to, uh... flare up... thereby cauterizing his wounds?  Man, hope that doesn't scar.

Elsewhere again, Roxy does one of those in-room fashion shows, like we see on television.  I've never been a teen-aged girl, so for all I know, these might happen in real life?

We then shift to Lynch's underground bunker... office... monitoring room... place.  He's got a smattering of screens up, including a shot of Bobby's blistery face.  Gotta wonder where else this creep's got cameras posted?!  Also worth noting, that one newscaster from Spawn is on one of the screens.  As he hears of a string of student abductions he checks in with Anna, the robo-maid about breakfast.

Turns out these finicky teen-agers don't really appreciate all the hard work the bot puts into making breakfast... you know how deez kids be.  Grunge would rather have some cold pizza (brah!) and a Diet (?) Coke... Roxy's into fad dieting... Bobby's got his Powerbars... and Sarah's, well, Sarah's just annoying.  Caitlin, however, does eat up... and even goes so far as to thank Anna!

Then... finally, it's off to school.  No sooner do they step out of Anna's van than the cliche "As Seen on TV" school experience begins!

Roxy bumps into a dude and drops her books all over the place.  Then... an artsy gentleman stops to help her pick them up.  Wouldn'tcha know it... he's headed to the same Film Appreciation Class that she is!

Caitlin is targeted by a pair of... uh, is "mean girls" still a saying?  Whatever we're calling them, they are a pair of Sorority girls, who are looking for a new pledge.  Who betta than this six-foot redhead?  Perhaps worth noting, they're from the Kappa Lambda Tau sorority... and I hope those letters don't mean anything.  Considering another "creatively" named house we're going to meet, I can't help but imagine that they do.

Speaking of that other house... Grunge decides to pledge for Delta Iota Kappa.  Yeah, DIK, see what I mean?  He and another dude head inside... where they're threatened with... um, some bad touching?

We slide over to the Campus Kafeehaus (are there even classes today?) where Bobby is called over by a rocker chick.  She calls him "Mr. Weiland"... which, yeah... I guess I can totally see that.  They chat, flirt, the whole shebang.

We head over to the Quad where there's already a demonstration going on.  The kids have organized to put a stop to inhumane treatment of animals by the Biology department.  Of course, Rainmaker is right in the middle of all of this.  Grunge strolls by to lend some "moral support"... which is to say, he stops long enough to razz her a bit.

Finally... a class!  It's Neurology 301... which, I mean for Freshmen, that might be a bit advanced.  Gotta wonder what the pre-reqs were if Grunge is here.  Anyhoo... it's Grunge and Fairchild... and it's here that we learn that ol' Percival has himself some'a that photographic memory.

For something completely different, we pop over to the Isle of Gamorra... where some nogoodniks are trying to track down Alex Fairchild.  They beat up some Rodney Dangerfield looking fool... and leave.

Back at school, the day is winding to a close.  The gang all heads back to where they were set to be picked up in the Anna-Van, and they have a few new additions.  It's also here that the art starts to go a bit "ca-ca"... or is that "cock-eyed".

Some friendly razzing between partners changes into heated debate... which, I'd imagine makes their new pals wonder just what the hell they've gotten themselves into.  Before push turns to shove, however, the Anna-Van arrives to take the Gen-Actives home.

We rejoin the gang at the dinner table... where Anna has decided she's had enough of their crap.  She forces them to eat the meal she's prepared... and since she's a robot, I'm sure she actually could just jam it down their throats.  The "animals are people too" debate heats up again... with all sides actually making cogent points.  Lynch basically tells them that this level of discourse is what becoming educated is all about... they don't have to agree... but all opinions ought to be heard and respected.  Grunge punctuates the sentiment with a belch.

That night, the kids unwind in front of the television set... and it's not long before the razzing begins again.  At least it's friendly this time around.  Lynch tries to break it up by suggesting they all do their homework... to which, Grunge informs the gang that his is done, thanks in no small part to his photographic memory.  Wonk wonk.

We close out with... another student being abducted from the college.  Thought for a moment, it was the Anna-bot... but it turns out they just have the same hairstylist.  She wakes up to find herself strapped to a table... and being approached by some odd Kokopelli looking individual.

--

Well... as silly and cliche as this was, I can't say I didn't have fun reading it.

This is like... every TV show "first day of school".  Being a dude whose had a bunch'a "first days of school" himself... I gotta just assume I was missing out, because I never had one like I saw on television.

This issue served as a pretty neat diversion from the usual fighty-fight superhero fare... and allowed us to explore these characters outside of the Gen-Active dynamic.  Of course, it's still kiiinda cliche... Roxy and the Artsy dude... Bobby and the slacker/rocker chick.  Grunge, despite being a goofball actually being a super-secret genius... all sorta contrived deals.  Fun, but contrived.

The art here is... uneven?  There are panels that look as though they could've been J. Scott Campbell... and then others that look like they're straight outta OEL manga.  Who knows, maybe there was a time-crunch toward the end... it wouldn't be out of character for a book of this vintage.  The cover is quite striking, and would likely jump off the shelf atcha... which kinda does leave the inside a bit more disappointing.

Overall... I think there's a lot of fun to have here.  It might be worth your time to check it out.

--

Letters Page... kinda?

--

Interesting Ads:

857