All Star Batman & Robin the Boy Wonder #2 (2005)

All Star Batman & Robin the Boy Wonder #2 (November, 2005)
"Episode Two"
Writer - Frank Miller
Penciller - Jim Lee
Inker - Scott Williams
Colorist - Alex Sinclair
Letterer - Jared K. Fletcher
Assistant Editor - Brandon Montclare
Editor - Bob Schreck
Cover Price: $2.99

After reading the first issue of this series yesterday, I sez to myself "Self... if you're going to cover All Star Batman and Robin, you're gonna have to talk about that Gee-Dee issue."

And so, here we are...

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We pick up shortly after we left off last issue... Batman has nyoinked Dick Grayson into the Batmobile... and is trying to, get this... put him to sleep with knockout gas.  Elsewhere, Alfred is attending to Vicki Vale's injuries... apparently they were in a wreck?  I don't recall seeing this happen last issue... but, whattayagonna do?  Vicki remembers everything that went down... and we get the first few "Gee-Dee"s of the issue.

She flashes back to The Flying Graysons being murdered at the circus... the youngest Grayson being swept away by the Gotham City Police... then, the poor tot being kidnapped by the Batman.

Then... she passes out, in the most melodramatic way possible.

Back to the Batmobile... where Batman is surprised to learn that this kid actually shrugged off the kayo-gas.

Dick asks what's going on... and just who the hell this Bat-dressed-man might be.  Batman... smiles a creepy smile, and refers to Dick as both a "punk" and "my ward".  This really isn't a good look.  This Batman is a complete psychopath.

Then... we get that panel.  You're welcome (and, I'm sorry).

As Batman informs Dick that he's... either the best friend he'd ever hope to have... or the worst enemy he could ever imagine.  Wanna remind you that Dick is a twelve-year old boy, who just hours earlier witnessed the murder of both of his parents.

Then... the GCPD catches up.  Dick suggests maybe they pull over... but, Batman ain't havin' none of it.  Instead, he starts... laughing like a madman!

Still laughing, Batman spins the Batmobile around... and runs it off a jump directly on top of the police cruisers.

Then... the Batmobile sprouts wings and takes to the air.  I'll say one thing, this is giving Jim Lee a lot of opportunity to draw cool stuff!

Dick, naturally, starts freaking out.  I mean, what the hell, right?  Then... he thinks back to his parents, and completely loses it.  Batman's reaction?  He backhands the mourning pre-teen.

Batman's narration reveals that he feels bad for what he's doing to the boy... but, he has to keep him "mad" so he can join his "war".  If he lets Dick deal with his emotions, he'll grieve... which will lead to acceptance, and finally forgiveness.  Can't have none'a that!

He then drops some knowledge on Dick regarding the corrupt Gotham City Police.  He tells him that cops are mostly pretty great... except for those who work in Gotham City.  Those'll "kill you as soon as look at you".

Batman then invites Dick to join him in Crime Fighting... and asks the twelve-year old boy to be brave.  I gotta say, if you're a twelve-year old child... and a strange man in a leather outfit asks you to "be brave", just run away as fast as your feet'll take you.  Dick, instead says "Yes, sir."

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Okay... you all know me, I try to veer away from the "hive mind" as much as possible... but, this is one'a those books that just... I dunno, defies explanation.  I mean, how does a book like this go to press?

I mean, I know how it went to press... I'm pretty sure Frank Miller and Jim Lee could've photographed their used tissues, and DC would've published it... and, ya know what... that might've made a bit more sense than what we just experienced here.

Let's start with the very first bit... Batman has his hand covering Dick's mouth... and, while admiring the lad tries to kayo him with some gas.  I'm struggling to think of a way where this scene doesn't look predatory.  It's really insane to me how this was okayed.

Then... just the way Batman speaks to the boy.  I mean, what the hell did we just read?!  He threatens to put Dick "through holy hell"... ehhhh?  Wait, make that "Holy hell, or the next best thing."  What in all frigs does that mean?!  Then... he refers to him as both a "punk" and "my ward".  Whaaaaa?

Now, we learned last issue that Bruce Wayne had been keeping an eye on Dick Grayson for quite some time, right?  Did he always have an eye toward adopting him?!  Was he (Bruce) behind the murders of the elder Graysons?  I mean, how else would this be moving so quickly?  I'm so confused.

It's really saying something when the "Gee Dee Batman" panel is among the tamest of the issue.  After finally seeing it in context... I gotta say, it almost seems like the most normal panel in the book!  We've got Batman literally abusing the boy... emotionally, psychologically... even physically in this issue!  Sure, we get a bit of Batman's internal monologue where even he asks himself if he's gone too far... but, that doesn't excuse or undo any of it!

I'm really grasping for more to say about this... but at this point, I'm just babbling.  I will say, Jim Lee's art really shines here.  Miller's bat-stuff insane script afforded him plenty of opportunity to draw some cool stuff.

Is this worth a read?  Absolutely.  It's not every day you get to bear witness to something this flat-out insane.  You're either gonna hate it... or love it for all the wrong reasons, but... I couldn't suggest anyone not read it.  It's the kind of issue that comes once in a generation... and really needs to be seen to be believed.

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All Star Batman & Robin the Boy Wonder #1 (2006)

All Star Batman & Robin the Boy Wonder (Special Edition) #1 (February, 2006)
"Episode One"
Writer - Frank Miller
Penciller - Jim Lee
Letterer - Jared K. Fletcher
Assistant Editor - Brandon Montclare
Editor - Bob Schreck
Cover Price: $3.99

We haven't really discussed (or discussed at all, really) DC's "All Star" line from the mid/late 2000's.  Back then a lot of readers looked at this as DC's answer to Marvel's Ultimate Line of Comics... and it's pretty easy to see why.

I largely ignored both this and All Star Superman... mostly for financial reasons, however... if I'm being honest, I probably also wasn't looking for a "new take" on either character.

Today we're going to be taking a look at the Special Edition version of ASBARTBW (yeesh) which is not only shot from Jim Lee's pencils (wait'll you see this... it's some amazing stuff) but it also includes a very detailed script that's sure to trigger the dreaded "current year cringe" in some folks.  We'll wrap up by taking a look at some of the "choicest" directives from Miller to Lee.

Without further ado...

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We open with Dick Grayson flying high above Haley's Circus on the trapeze.  Gotta say, with just the pencils here, you can really appreciate how much work and detail goes into a page like this.  It's almost a shame there are only like twenty words on it!  Elsewhere, Vicki Vale is dictating her next article into an earpiece... an earpiece which is like one of the four things she's wearing at the moment.  I mean, you gotta see this.  She's giving a show to countless telescope-having neighbors here.

She's comparing Metropolis' hero Superman to Gothams... G-D Batman.  Yeah, this is the first mention of the "G-D Batman"... all the while she seductively eats the olive out of her martini.

Then... she gets a call!  It's Alfred, and he's here to whisk her away for her date with Bruce Wayne... and so, we enter into a dressing montage.

Alfred leads her to the car... and to the date.  Bruce has decided to take Ms. Vale to the most romantic of locations... the Circus!  While there, the see the youngest of The Flying Graysons miss a trapeze and proceed to plummet toward the ground.  Thinking fast, Dick throws a line, catches the trapeze... and is able to land safely.  Vicki comments at how amazing the boy is... to which, get this... Bruce informs her that he's "had an eye on him (Dick) for awhile"... which, I mean... that's weird, right?  Even Vicki's all "Wha--?"

As the Flying Graysons soak in the applause and adulation... Richard and Mary are... shot?!  Wait, that's not how it goes... is it?  Either way... it puts Dick in that iconic shot of the youngster stood between his dead parents.  This doesn't feel right, does it?

From here, Bruce sneaks off to change clothes and... immediately finds the shooter, Jocko-boy Vanzetti.  He fills the goon with some snake-poison before heading off to find that boy he's... had his eye on.

Meanwhile, Vicki Vale has a run-in with a policeman so evil and corrupt I'm surprised he doesn't have horns and a forked-tail.

Vicki tries getting to the boy... who is very much in shock, and... get this... the officer punches her!  Right in the mush!

She runs off to the Alf-Mobile, and after commandeering it, drives out into the country hot on the trail of the Gotham P.D. and their captive (?) young Dick Grayson.  Along the way... we can see the officers trying to "spin" the events Dick just witnessed... for reasons that I'd assume/hope become clear at some point.

When Dick doesn't come around quick enough... the officers pull over, form a circle around him... and go to beat the hell out of him!  I mean, the kid's twelve.  Anyhoo, before they can swing their first baton, they find themselves surrounded... by bats?!

The Batmobile roars into the scene, and the cops flee.  Batman then... grabs Dick by his shirt... hoists him into the air, and informs him that he's just been drafted into a war.  Ay yai yai.

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So... well, um this wasn't the most subtle of stories now was it?

I suppose we could go "all in" on the sexualization of Vicki Vale... we could talk about Miller taking a little too much from Film Noir to depict "the real life" strutting around her apartment... we could talk about some of the silly Sandra Dee dialogue "What is a girl to do?"... I dunno.  I felt like the backlash to all of this was a bit overblown... while at the same time, I'm a little bit gobsmacked to finally be seeing it in all its glory.

I will say, Lee's depiction of Vale as an attractive woman is pretty solid.  I might be projecting, but I feel like he did the best he could with what Miller gave him (you can see his directives below).  After reading the script... I think if Miller did this himself, it wouldn't have been treated with half the "class" Jim Lee gives it here.

Let's talk about that creepy comment from Bruce about Dick.  He's been "keeping an eye on" some random kid performer at a traveling circus.  There isn't any way to write that where it doesn't sound weird as hell, is there?  I mean, just being able to identify a performer at a traveling circus might "out" you as a weirdo... much less actually tracking and "keeping an eye on".  Especially when you're some aloof billionaire... and the character you're "keeping an eye on" is a 12-year old boy.  Even taking off our "current year goggles", there's just no way this isn't... at the very best, a little bit skeevy.

The Gotham P.D. being behind (or complicit) with the murder of Richard and Mary Grayson?  Ehh... I'll withhold judgment for now.  It's a different take to be sure... but, that's kinda what this "line" is all about.  Can't fault it for that, regardless of just how "wrong" it all feels with all we know.

The "Ultimate" comparison... does it match up?  Well, yes and no... Yes, in that we're sorta starting fresh here.  I mean, Batman's already established... but his is an origin that most people reading this will already know.  Dick Grayson's origin is shown... and tweaked a bit, which fits in with the Ultimate comparison.  Where it doesn't quite match up is... the Richard and Mary murder happened in the first issue.  If this were a Marvel-Ultimate Comic, it would've taken at least six-issues before they hit the ground.

Onto the "choicer" Script Bits...

Some wild stuff here, no?  Now... I'm not a guy who is offended by any of this... but even I've gotta say, this isn't really a good look.  While not as tone-deaf in 2006, today this makes for a pretty weird read.

I'd never presume to tell Frank Miller how to write his scripts... where I'm stuck is DC deciding to publish said script.  I mean, it's at best... a little embarrassing, isn't it?  I mean, the pandering comments "It'll drive them crazy." and "Make them drool."  This feels like something out of Jemas-era Marvel's "Bad Girls for Fan Boys" initiative.

Without saying it outright, this feels very much aimed at that "Mom's Basement" demographic... which, is more annoying than offensive... but still, not sure why DC thought this would be a good look.  Maybe they knew it was ridiculous, and just wanted the cheap laugh?  Who knows...

Overall... this feels like one of those "love it or hate it" books, and I'm not sure I'd recommend it at full cover price.  Jim Lee's (pencil) art is really amazing... I don't think I'd mind seeing more "Special Editions" shot directly from pencil-art.  It's quite striking.  The art might be worth the price of admission... but, I'd recommend keeping an eye out for it on the cheap.  This issue has been collected, and is (the "non" Special Edition) is available digitally.

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Laurel and Hardy #1 (1972)

Laurel and Hardy #1 (July-August, 1972)
"Silly Saps at Sea!"
"Private Detectives"
"Them Desert Bones"
Writer/Editor - John Albano
Pencillers - Mike Sekowsky & Marnow
Inkers - Henry Scarpelli & Bob Oksner
Touch Ups/Additional Artwork - Alan Kupperberg
Letterer - Gaspar Saladino
Cover Price: $0.20

Today we have a real treat... insofar as we'll be discussing a novelty of sorts.  Folks who know me "in the real life" know I'm a huge fan of Laurel and Hardy.  Ever since first seeing them on a Thanksgiving morning in March of the Wooden Soldiers on Channel 11, I was hooked!  Even to this day, March of the Wooden Soldiers is part of my Thanksgiving tradition!

People who have seen my bookshelves know I've always got some Stan and Ollie trinkets on display.  Hell, I remember when I was in high school, AMC (back when they showed movies) had a three-day-long Laurel and Hardy marathon... which I bought a stack of blank VHS tapes and stayed up for just about the entire thing to make sure I "got it all" (I didn't... the cable actually went out during the last three hours of the marathon... still have the tapes though!).  I still pick up most Laurel and Hardy stuff I come across... I must have a half-dozen versions of their final film Utopia/Atoll-K, which since it's in Public Domain (and also just not very good) is the easiest to find.

So today we're going to look at the one-and-only DC Comics issue of Laurel and Hardy... er, make that Larry Harmon's Laurel and Hardy... which is to say, this comic isn't based off of the short features and films of The Boys... it's actually based off of the Hanna-Barbera animated series of the mid-1960's!

Now, who's this Larry Harmon anyway?  Well... you might know him better as this guy...

Yup, Bozo the Clown!  Harmon apparently owned the likenesses of Stan and Ollie... and was also the voice of Stan in those animated shorts.  To simplify things, we're just going to call this comic Laurel and Hardy.

Worth mentioning before we proceed... none of the stories here had credits... and information about who-did-what is sparse online... had to cobble what we have here from several places...

... including a wonderful book that I never even realized existed!  The Artful Antics of Laurel & Hardy, by Antony and Joanne Mitchell-Waite.  Chock full of Laurel and Hardy comics information I never realized I needed to know!  I've only just discovered it, but have already devoured all of the free-preview pages on Google (one of which I'll share at the bottom).  I'll definitely be putting in an order for a copy!

Anyhoo... there's a long preamble... let's get to the book!

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Our first story, "Silly Saps at Sea!" features The Boys heading off on a cruise.  A sometime-used story during the black-and-white shorts was Ollie's having to "get away" from stresses of his everyday life, under doctor's orders.  That stress usually stemmed from Stan... which is why it's so humorous that he'd always bring his buddy with him on vacation.  Inside their cabin, Ollie hits the shower, and Stan starts raiding the fridge... only, it isn't actually the refrigerator.

Stan's actually just reaching out the porthole, and grabbing whatever the waiter happens to be walking by with.  Stan nabs a roasted chicken, and suggests he go for a second reach to find something for Ollie.  Ollie stops him, and proceeds to reach for his own free meal... only, by now the jig is already up.  The waiter chomps down on Ollie's hand before threatening to report The Boys to the Captain.

Later that day... get this, Ollie downs an entire bottle of sleeping pills in order to help him relax.  Stan decides to let his pal sleep... and figures he'll kill some time getting rid of his rock collection.  Yeah, he brought a great big sack of rocks with him on the trip... but it's getting too heavy to haul.

And so, he drops it off the side of the boat... where there just so happens to be a live Naval mine bobbing just under the surface.

There's a terrible explosion, capsizing the cruise ship.  Stan is able to find his pal, and drags him onto a nearby island... only, this "island" is actually a very annoyed looking whale.  The end?

Our second story, "Private Detectives" features The Boys as... well, private detectives.  Their first day on the job, they find themselves with a high-profile case.  A wealthy man reports that his family jewels have been purloined.  Hrmm... didn't know it was going to be that kind of story.  I kid, I kid, he's actually talking about precious stones and metals.

Stan and Ollie load into their adorable motorbike and head to a seedy part of town to do some (private) investigating.  They pop into a restaurant... and notice a sign suggesting they "watch" their hat and coat... it's that kinda place, I guess.  They have a bowl of soup... then leave, not realizing that... their pants have been stolen!

After spending their last $20 on new trousers, The Boys head over to the wealthy fella's house to report in.  When asked "whodunnit" Stan blurts out "The Butler did it"... and it turns out that, well... the butler did do it.  The hired-help throws himself at the mercy of his boss... but gets tossed into the dungeon for the next fifty years instead.  Not sure that's what "citizen's arrest" means, but, in fairness... I'm also not a lawyer.  The wealthy fella then hands The Boys a sack with the word "Money" on it, which we can probably presume has money in it as well.

The Boys return to their office to find... they've been robbed!  Looks like they're going to have to spend all of their loot replacing their stolen stuff!  Ollie asks "whodunnit", but Stan is dumbfounded... after all, they don't have a butler!

Our third (and final) story is "Them Desert Bones" in which Stan and Ollie have just arrived for their first day at the Museum as Assistants to a Paleontologist... who might be based on prolific Laurel and Hardy foil, James Finlayson?  Even if he's not, that's what I'm going with!

"Fin" tells The Boys that he needs intelligent help... also, extremely careful help.  It's not hard to see where this is going.  Stan and Ollie fall down a flight of stairs... knocking over a fella hauling a box of delicate (and priceless) bones.

Fin is incensed... and gives chase threatening to, get this... kill Stan and Ollie!  I guess the punishment ought to fit the crime?

Ollie suggests they look for disguises, and so they don themselves in white robes.  They then blend in with a group of folks in white robes... and are whisked away into the desert.  Turns out this group of robed individuals is... potential wives for the Sultan!

After several failed attempts, The Boys are finally able to escape their whip-snapping captor... and find themselves collapsing right in front of an Oasis.

We get a sight-gag of Ollie ramming his head into a palm tree in order to prove it isn't real... before we can say with certainty that this ain't no mirage.

After drinking up... we shift into the nighttime.  The Boys spy a pair of glowing eyes coming toward them... and climb up the palm tree... to, uh... get away?  Not sure that's going to be much help... especially against a glowing-eyed beast.  Of course it winds up just being a Jeep.

Stan hops off the tree, which catapults Ollie back into the desert... where upon impact, he crashes through the ground and into an ancient Egyptian Burial Tomb!

The fella with the Jeep calls it the "biggest find ever", and promises to take The Boys back into the museum where he will be his guests.  That evening they scrub up... while, at the same time Fin finishes putting together a dinosaur skeleton.

Stan and Ollie enter... with Stan, naturally, slamming the door behind them.  Dino bones go everywhere... and Fin's on the warpath again.

--

Welp... much as I love The Boys... this kiiiiiinda missed the mark for me.  In fairness, I very seldom get anything out of humor comics... that is to say, comics that are only meant to be funny.  It just kinda falls flat... sorta like horror comics, which I never find scary.  The three short features we get here could just as easily been two-reelers back in the 1930's... I'll give 'em that much.

I really dug the art.  From what I can gather, only the lead-off story was "new".  Even though the cover clearly states "All New Stories", I've read that the second and third stories (with art by Marnow) are reprinted from the UK comics... so, maybe they're just "New to DC".  Both art styles worked for me... and, if pressed I'm not sure I could say which one I prefer.  They were both really good.

They got the "voices" of the characters down pretty well... and even gave us a few lines that I hope to work into my everyday vernacular.  Stan's claim to be as "quiet as a baby mouse" is one I'm going to steal and shoehorn into the next conversation I can.

Worth noting, however... and I'm guessing this would annoy many a fan of The Boys... Ollie keeps saying "Here's another fine mess you've gotten me into."... when it ought to be "Here's another nice mess you've gotten me into."  "Another Fine Mess" was the name of a 1930 Laurel and Hardy film... but was never Ollie's frustrated quote!

I suppose more interesting than anything inside the book is the fact that... this was the only issue!  We've discussed a few 1970's books that only had a single issue here... and it's one of those things that always kinda bugs me.  Weird that they wouldn't even try a second issue... though, The Artful Antics of Laurel & Hardy suggests that there might have been copyright issues... not sure if those were conflicts with Harmon or maybe the UK Publishers (see below).

From The Artful Antics of Laurel & Hardy (Lulu - April 18, 2013)
By Antony & Joanne Mitchell-Waite

As you can see, DC was planning on doing more... at least two further-publications were in the works... a (50-cent) Digest... and issue two, in which The Boys would meet Superman!  Now, that's definitely a story I'd want to see.  Though, I suppose it might've just been a gag for the cover.  I mean, we've already discussed that time Jerry Lewis met the Man of Steel... so, ya never know!

Here's a color version of that Laurel and Hardy #2:

Overall... a decent attempt, which... I mean, when we're talking about a comic about a comedy team from the early 20th Century, might be the best we can hope for!  This might be a (relatively) spendy find in the wild... so, I wouldn't tell ya to break your back-nor-bank tracking it down, though... if you're a Son (or Daughter) of the Desert... you're probably going to want this in your collection!

This issue isn't available digitally... nor has it been collected.  Though, if you're interested... you can grab The Artful Antics of Laurel & Hardy right here.

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(Not the) Letters Page:

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