Lobo #17 (July, 1995)
"Lobo, P.I. Part IV: White Hoot!"
Writer - Alan Grant
Penciller - Val Semeiks
Inker - John Dell
Colorist - Gloria Vasquez
Separations - Android Images
Letterer - Bill Oarkley
Assistant Editor - Peter J. Tomasi
Editor - Dan Raspler
Cover Price: $2.25
So, whattaya do when it's Friday the 13th... and you wake up thinking it's Saturday?
The answer to that question, and a whole lot more... probably ain't found in the discussion below.
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We open with Lobo busting out of the cee-ment drum he'd been jammed in by Big Jake and his gang (I'm assuming) last issue. He then shambles into The Gutted Gizz (ew) Bar, and asks the barkeep if he's got any info on ol' Big Jake. He sees a swarm of detectives and learns they're in Hammer City searching for the missing "Eddie the Head". We got everybody from Angel and the Ape to Kojak?! Hell, Columbo, Holmes, and Detective Chimp too! Really fun page.
Lobo thinks to himself... maybe the best way to find Big Jake, is to have Big Jake come a'lookin' for him. And so, he stomps through Hammer City, and busts up all of Big Jake's businesses.
With his day's work complete, Lobo heads back to his headquarters... in Al's Diner. Notsomuch noteworthy, but I wanted to share the pic anyway... Lobo is greeted by the mailman as he makes his way inside.
Inside, Al... of Al's Diner, is fretting about his new neighbor... ya know, the Main Man. He's worried that Lobo is going to wreck his place (which, I'm guessing is sort of a running gag here?) Lobo stomps in and makes a beeline to the kitchen... though, not before checking the ripeness of Al's wife's caboose.
In the kitchen, Lobo digs through a large freezer... and procures, (the appropriately named) Eddie the Head! He tosses the noggin in the microwave to thaw it out.
When Eddie comes to, he's none too pleased. Turns out folks have been looking for him because he has a certain formula for explosives in his... well, head. Lobo figures maybe turning up the heat might get him to spill the beans.
Elsewhere, Big Jake receives word that Lobo has messed with all'a of his businesses... also, some jacked-up Dick Tracy gets a call about Lobo tearing up a bunch of businesses. Looks like there's a major whacking and/or bust in the works.
Back in Al's Kitchen, Eddie the Head starts telling Lobo the explosives recipe... which includes Corn Flakes (for the riboflavin, o'course). Meanwhile, some rats under the Diner are gnawing on the pipes (more on them later).
We jump back outside, and find yet another group of geeks who wanna get in on the action... the bird-like Ornitho-Justice League of Hammer City. The who now? Well, whoever they are, they're keen on taking down Big Jake.
Back inside, Al starts pounding on the kitchen door to let Lobo know that he's got some... guests. The Main Man steps out to greet his waiting public, leaving Eddie the Head on full-nuke... with only one ingredient to go.
While Lobo deals with Big Jake, Eddie eeps out the final ingredient... natural gas. I was bracing myself for a certain kind of joke here... thankfully, classier heads prevailed. Al and his wife head into the kitchen... and empty the explosive cocktail down the drain. Oh, also... Eddie the Head... is dead.
Outside... it's getting to be a real scene. The Ornitho-Justice League of Hammer City have shown up... also, jacked-up Dick Tracy and the Hammer City Police Department. Also... Danzer Khan and the Loose Federation of Offworld Outlaws... also, Lobo's landlord who has come to evict him... also, the mailman from earlier... who brings letters from the Hammer City Bank, the Food and Drug Administration, and the Hammer City Council! Lobo's having quite the day! Oh yeah, and those rats down below are still nibbling on pipes... only now, they've got that explosive cocktail down there too!
Which brings us to our next "guest", the Gasman! He's come to turn Al's Diners' line off... due to nonpayment. And when he does...
... Hammer City goes boom! Well, all of Hammer City except Al's Diner!
We wrap up with the arrival of the... uhh, Rasta Gangsta Killas?!
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Ya know, I'm not usually one for the "random" humor... but, this wasn't half bad... and hey, howsabout that cover, eh? That jumps right out atcha!
Now, I'm not terribly steeped in Sin City knowledge... only having read the The Hard Goodbye... and about a third of A Dame to Kill For, so I dunno if there were any direct "nods" to it on the inside... and I won't be able to speak to any'a that. Definitely loved the cover though!
I was super-pleased with Val Semeiks' art... a lot more cartoony, and a lot less... er, Giffenish than I was expecting. Nothing against Giffen, but sometimes I find his art to be... I dunno, challenging? Especially in his super-angular days... I find myself unable to absorb the story, and I often have to reread pages. That might be more of an indictment on my reading comprehension than his art... but, whattayagonnado?
This story really heated up around three-quarters of the way in... when, with a crazy frenetic pace, everything started coming together. Everything from folks we'd briefly met earlier on... to a full-on impromptu alien invasion! Thought that was a lot of fun... though, I'm not sure that's something I'd like to read every time out. This was a "Part 4", so it's entirely possible/probable that seeds for the Avian Justice League and the Interstellar Outlaws were planted in an earlier chapter.
The cameos from all of the detectives was a lot of fun... and, as little patience as I have for "random humor", I might dislike pop-culture references even more! This turned out to be just a gag though, so I'm cool with it. Nothing worse than substituting actual story with a reference... that's one'a my bigger pet-peeves.
Overall, I had a good time! As mentioned, not sure I'd wanna read a book like this every day... but, as a one-off random pull? There's a lot to dig here. For your convenience, this issue is available digitally.
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Brave and the Bold (vol.3) #16 (October, 2008)
"Tempted"
Writer - Mark Waid
Artist - Scott Kolins
Colorist - Rob Schwager
Letterer - Rob Leigh
Editor - Joey Cavalieri
Cover Price: $2.99
Living up to our "random review" mission statement today... just reached into my still-stuffed "to be filed" box, and plucked out... this very issue.
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We open in Gotham City, where the Bat-Signal is illuminating the night sky. Commissioner Gordon is surprised to find that it isn't Batman responding to the call tonight... instead, it's Superman! Gordon fills him in on some goings-down concerning an Underworld Auction in Gotham, however, before he can finish his thought, Superman hears an alarm ping off in the distance. He excuses himself and sees to it. Gordon is taken aback by Superman's politeness... and considers whether or not a transfer to Metropolis might do him good.
Superman speeds across the city, to find... duh, Catwoman breaking into a vault. A vault, which houses a large golden egg.
Superman winds up triggering the vault-sensors, which gives him quite a jolt... not that it really affects him all that much, but it does give a split-second's distraction... long enough for Catwoman to (think she'll) get away. Catwoman makes a run for it, while sharing a somewhat pervy monologue on what she might do with the Man of Steel.
He tells her to 'splain... and so, she does. Ya see, she was only trying to steal that "Horse Egg" because she needed it in order to get herself into the Underworld Auction... it apparently takes a million bucks (in cash or "goods") to get inside... and tonight's top item is one she cannot miss. Turns out they're auctioning off a map... to some hidden cave right outside Gotham! Ruh-roh.
Upon hearing this, Superman rushes off to Atlantis... where he plucks a necklace off of a statue, which he values at well over a million dollars. This oughta get 'em in!
Buuuut, they certainly can't go in looking like Superman and Catwoman... and so, we get a "dressing down" montage. It's cute, but completely predictable... Superman is dressed down to look, ya know, exactly like Clark Kent. Selina doesn't notice... which, stands to reason... not sure how familiar she's supposed to be with a mild-mannered reporter from Metropolis... but, you'd figure somebody in Gotham might recognize him, right?
The pair make their way into the auction, and are seated just as item fourteen is put up for bids. It's a joker playing card coated in jen-you-wine Joker venom. How 'bout that? The single card goes for ten-grand. Just imagine if it were CGC slabbed!
Finally, the map is put up for bid... however, it's right about now that the Atlantean necklace starts to crumble... ya see, the atmosphere topside ain't exactly ideal for its suppleness... suppledy... suppleocity, you know what I mean.
As Clark worries about the necklace, the auctioneer describes the item up for bids. This map is to... not the Batcave, but to Clayface's hidden grotto!
Just then, the necklace goes to pieces... or dust, if you prefer. The auction-goons surround Clark and proceed to pound on him with baseball bats... which, goes about as well as you might imagine. Once the "S" is spotted, the place clears out... including Selina Kyle.
Superman rushes the stage to try and get some info out of the auctioneer... but he ain't spillin'. Also, he knows Superman won't really hurt him, so he doesn't have all that much to lose anyway... just jail time, and I suppose that comes with the gig. Superman tries to "Bat-up" his dialogue... but, well... you know.
Nearby he hears a woman shouting into her cell phone. This woman knows that Catwoman has stolen the map, and it headed to the grotto in order to get herself some Clayfacey powers. Superman is able to (somehow) track the phone call from cell tower to cell tower, and discover who she is speaking with. That's a pretty interesting use of super-hearing... not one I recall seeing before (or perhaps, since).
We shift scenes over to the grotto, and sure 'nuff... Catwoman is being attacked by a trio of Clayfaces. Superman shows up and takes the wind out of their sails... and lungs!
Then, it's lecture time! Superman feels as though Catwoman used him in order to get her hands on the Clayface-pool-water. She's all, "nuh-uh"... and explains that she just wanted to find the place in order to destroy it. Three seconds later... t'ings go boom.
We rejoin our heroes atop a building in Gotham City. Catwoman gives Superman a peck on the cheek, and suggests maybe they hang out again real soon... perhaps even in Metropolis... and, ya know what... maybe she'll bring a friend. Superman's eyes widen... and he suggests she just leave.
As a parting shot, we see that Catwoman does have a sample of the grotto water... but, unfortunately for her, Superman sees it too.
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Well, this was a lot of fun, wasn't it?
It isn't all that often we get to see a Superman/Catwoman team-up. There's probably plenty of good reasons for that, but I'm glad they had the chance to work together here.
As a "one-off", I mean... this was a blast. It sorta teeters on "silly" without falling over the edge... and is lighthearted enough as to not feel draining. It's Superman sorta as a fish-outta-water, working in his buddy's city... alongside one of his buddy's "associates".
I remember when I was growing up, for whatever reason I thought it might be cool to have Batman and Superman swap titles... like, give Batman six-months on Action Comics, and have Superman in Detective Comics. It might also be fun to have them swap cities for a month or two... looks like, at the very least... Jim Gordon might certainly appreciate the change!
The bait-and-switch on the "cave outside Gotham" was handled incredibly well. I never read this one before now, and didn't see the twist coming. I truly expected it to be that someone discovered the Batcave... and Selina was going to wind up considering use of lethal force in order to contrast "Gotham" methods with Superman's.
I think my only real "ehh" moment here is, having Superman change clothes... and look exactly like Clark Kent. I know it's supposed to be a "funny, ha-ha" for us... but, ehhhhh... even though I'm "in on" the joke, it just comes across as a little too "cute".
Overall... throw this in any random stack of comics, and chances are... this'll be the most fun one there. Scott Kolins' art is really fantastic, and he delivers some great facial expressions to depict Superman's reactions toward his temporary teammate. Definitely worth a look. For your convenience, this bugger is available digitally.
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Hitman #22 (January, 1998)
"The Santa Contract"
Writer - Garth Ennis
Penciller - John McCrea
Inker - Steve Pugh
Letterer - Willie Schubert
Colorist - Carla Feeny
Separations - Heroic Age
Associate Editor - Peter Tomasi
Editor - Dan Raspler
Cover Price: $2.25
Welcome everyone to our Third Annual (third annual???) Christmas on Infinite Earths... in July! Wasn't sure we were going to discuss any Christmas books this month... but, then I gets to thinking "Am I going to still be doing this (every day) come December?"... smart money's on, prob'ly not. So, let's just keep up the tradition.
Like last year, this isn't going to be a very organized "blog event"... no set number of books/days... I'll just sprinkle 'em in here and again.
Today we're going to talk about... a book that I never really glommed onto, Hitman! Might sound like heresy, but... I can't lie to ya. I've tried getting into Hitman time and again, and just find it kinda... I dunno, empty?
Let's see if this Christmas Special changes my mind!
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We open with a radioactive Santa Claus romping down the streets of Gotham City... but, how did this come to be? I'm glad you asked. Ya see, there was once this man named Bob Smurd who worked as a janitor at a nearby nuclear power plant. On this Christmas Eve, he finds himself knocked into a vat of glowing green ooze. He lunges outta the muck, and is shocked to see that he has "powers". He suggests he might be a hero, however, a co-worker suggests he might make a better bad guy.
Bob throws on a Santa Claus outfit and stomps his way through the snow, while... uh, Mr. Burns... and that guy who works with Mr. Burns look on. They don't want this news to get out... sooo, they decide it's in their best interest to hire a professional.
Speaking of a "professional", we hop across town to Noonan's Bar on Peckinpah Street where Tommy Monaghan and Natt the Hat are drowning their empty-pocketed sorrows in the drink... lamenting that they passed on a "werewolf job" that would'a floated them through Christmas. Natt also razzes Tommy about dating an ex-cop.
The bar's proprietor, Sean Noonan reminds the fellas that they'd made a promise to do something special this Christmas Eve... and that something special is, caroling with Saint Killian's Orphanage.
During the caroling extravaganza, Tommy gets a call on his cell. It's Mr. Burns... or that guy who works with Mr. Burns, and they're offering to pay ten-grand for the removal of the radioactive Santa Claus.
Using a Geiger Counter as their guide, the fellas track Bob Santa to a local mall. They drive straight into the mall, Blues Brothers style until they find their man.
After getting his attention, he attacks... Tommy stops short sending Santa crashing into a wall... he then swaps pedals, from brake to gas... and plows right into the radioactive baddie.
Santa then proceeds to beg for his life... he also claims to now understand and appreciate the true meaning of Christmas. Tommy briefly pauses, before visions of $10,000 start dancing in his head. He then blows Santa's brains out... repeatedly.
After cashing-in and some very late Christmas shopping, we rejoin Tommy and Natt back at Noonan's. They exchange gifts... with Tommy getting a "Junior Cop" playset.
We wrap up with a special message which basically reads... don't be a jerk on Christmas! Now, there's a sentiment we can all get behind!
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Well... still not my favorite book, but this was a pretty enjoyable issue. Can't quite shake that feeling of emptiness... maybe even detachment, though. I guess Hitman might just go down as a book that "isn't for me". Can't deny its quality, it's just not for me.
That said... there isn't a whole heckuva lot for me to say about it! I suppose there is a bit of charm in seeing Tommy Monaghan singing with a church choir... but, I mean, the juxtaposition is sort of the point, right? I mean, it's like the "rapping grandma"... it's not supposed to be a thing that we see, and so it's a novelty. It isn't particularly funny... or even anything we want to see, it just "is".
I dug some of the back and forth between Tommy and Natt... and, I suppose, the radioactive Santa Claus isn't the worst baddie for this book. Still, it doesn't make me want to read more. Maybe someone out there can point me to an issue of this series that might! Can't help but feel I'm missing out on some "inside joke" here. I just don't get it.
Overall... if you're a fan of Hitman, I bet this issue will be right up your alley. This issue is available digitally.
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