Action Comics #475 (September, 1977)
"The Super-Hero Who Refused to Hang Up His Boots!"
"The Weak Link!"
Writers - Cary Bates & Elizabeth M. Smith
Pencillers - Curt Swan & Win Mortimer
Inkers - Francisco Chiaramonte
Colors - Jerry Serpe
Editor - Julius Schwartz
Cover Price: $0.35
I can hear it, can you?
There's a hum coming over the horizon... and with every step we take closer to it, it becomes more clear.
Hold your breath for a moment, and really tune in to that hum...
Yes... that's it.
It's saying... More Vartox.
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After an introduction page that spoils just about everything we're about to see, we hop over to Valeron where a pair of wiseguys try and rob a family. They are really lame. Before they can escape... Vartox arrives on the scene to give them the what-for. Only, he's not prepared to received a wallop of a blast to the belly via one of the nogoodniks' "Z-Charge" guns.
Vartox does his best to absorb the blow, and responds by... hanging the bad guys upside down via his "hyper-static beam". Okay, well... whatever works. The Enforcers (Valeron's Finest) come to collect the crooks, however, by then Vartox has shuffled away. Ya see, he's still in great pain from the Z-Charge, and doesn't want anyone to see him that way.
He worries about his age catching up with him... and his powers deteriorating more and more by the day. He knows if this were to get out, would-be Valeron criminals might become a bit more froggy. He decides to check in with his Kryptonian Comrade, Superman to see if he might have some advice. He tunes in on his Scanscope Beam and watches Superman in action.
Superman is busy stopping an out of control wrecking ball at a Metropolis construction site. That's some good timing... it's not like the wrecking ball threatened to break loose a few moments before actually doing so. Anyhoo, he is thanked by his buddy Andrew Meda... yeah... we know this guy. He was Karb-Brak back in that Bicentennial issue. One of the ugliest character designs of the 1970's.
Now... it seems here that Vartox's Scanscope might be able to read minds here? Because, what we get is, perhaps the longest and most awkward handshake between Superman and Andy... all the while Superman recounts his last battle with him as Karb-Brak. Upon seeing/hearing this, Vartox is smacked with inspiration... the Andromedan Karb-Brak might be the answer to all of his problems!
That night, Clark Kent does performs his gig as evening news anchor for WGBS. After sending it over to noodnik Steve Lombard, he excuses himself to go have a gargle. What he's actually doing is checking in on the piece of news he just reported... there's a crazy phone booth in Metropolis just brimming with atomic energy! Why there are no police or emergency personnel currently swarming the thing, I haven't the foggiest!
Out of it pops... you guessed it (or maybe you didn't) Karb-Brak! Brak is back in his more bestial form... a result of his "allergy" to being around super folks. Superman wraps him up in his cape and tries to consider just who triggered the transformation.
Superman winds up taking quite the walloping... and Karb-Brak gets away. Moments later, Superman must "Kent down" and return to the news desk... Lombard's sports report is just about over.
The next news segment is interrupted by... hey, lookit that, Karb-Brak! He attacks Clark, live on the air! We wrap up with the arrival of the main man, Vartox... and he hopes Superman can forgive him for what he had to do.
We're not done yet though, folks! We've got... a back-up. Not just any back-up though... one starring, Lori friggin Lemaris. This is bound to be excellent. As we open, she is caught... oh boy, in a fishing net. She's nyoinked out of the drink by a group of Russians illegally fishing inside the United States' 200-mile fishing limit. International intrigue at its finest!
She tries to telepathically call out for help... but Superman and Aquaman are out of reach. During some casual conversation, one of the fishermen says something about a "weak link" (hey, that's the title of this story!) and it gets her to thinking... she might be able to telepathically control one of these numskulls... and that's exactly what she does.
Fueled by suspicion, the Russians fight among themselves long enough for Lori to... uh, telepathically use their radio to call the authorities.
Then she calls her friends of the sea... and they take care of business. I mean, really... if you could summon a giant octopus, a sperm whale, and swordfish (by name!)... wouldn't you just lead with that? Why all this "weak link" nonsense?
We wrap up with the arrival of the United Nations Security Force... and they arrest the baddies. They ask Lori to come on board too... to which, she reveals that (Holy Mackerel) she is part fish.
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So... Vartox is still quite the tragic character, isn't he? The first time he met Superman was right after his wife died... and now, his powers are waning. Certainly not what I was expecting... I assumed this was going to be a "funny, ha-ha"... but it's more sad than anything! It's hard not to feel bad for the guy!
That said, this story was pretty ridiculous. Not sure what the Scanscope is capable of doing... is it just a way for Vartox to view things... or can it also read the minds of everyone in the shot? Could it see through Andrew Meta's human guise? Can Vart tune in to some smooth 70's soft rock with the thing? Who knows?
The idea of an atomic phone booth not being surrounded by caution tape and traffic cones kinda tickles me. There were just regular civilians walking around it... all the while, it's lit up like a Christmas tree.
Also, it wouldn't be a Bronze Age Superman story if the secret identity wasn't put at risk... and it sure was here, live on television! In front of an audience of over a million folks. Thankfully, these are the same folks who didn't think twice about the affects of hanging around a radioactive phone booth... so, they're clearly not the sharpest bulbs in the drawer.
The back-up? Woof. I mean, it wasn't like it was poorly written or anything... but, it really didn't require so many pages. After a couple of pages, it started to feel like a Dagwood sandwich... just so many unnecessary layers.
Find the weak link! Radio authorities! Call sea-pals! Certainly didn't need all three... especially not the one the story was named for! Why get the Russians to argue? Lori's a telepath... she could radio the UN anytime she wants! Or, better yet... just telepathically contact them! The Russians wouldn't have a clue until it was too late... and by then, Shamu would've capsized the boat anyway!
Overall... unless you're a Superman (or Vartox) completionist (and I am both), you probably don't need this one at the ready. It's fun and silly... but by no means essential. It's not yet available digitally... so, this'll be a bin dive... but it shouldn't be a terribly spendy one.
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Superman #281 (November, 1974)
"Mystery Mission to Metropolis!"
Writer - Cary Bates
Penciller - Curt Swan
Inker - Bob Oksner
Editor - Julius Schwartz
Cover Price: $0.20
Here's a fella I've wanted to talk about for awhile... Vartox!
Now, if you're browsing blogs relating to relatively-ancient DC Comics, you probably already know a thing or two about this... the manliest man who ever done manned.
Like, he was based on Sean Connery... in a couple of ways! First, in his looks... I mean, it's kinda "on the nose", right?
Also, the name "Vartox" is an allusion to the Connery film, Zardoz... from which this look originated.
I think it's going to be a good time getting to know this fella... he might even require a few revisits...
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We open with a prologue, set on two worlds. On one, a woman working the cash register at a Metropolis shop is shot dead. On the other, a similar looking woman... just dies! The latter, it turns out, is the new wife of superhero, Vartox! Vartox arrives home, however, it's too late to save her.
He takes her body to the... I dunno, "science place" so they can perform an "Autopsican", and get to the bottom of just why she dropped. Turns out, she died because the murdered cashier in Metropolis is her... get this, Bionic Twin! They were biologically linked. Well, Vartox wants revenge on the fella who did this... and so, he "tunes in" on Metropolis. He learns they have a superhero as well, and knows that what he feels he must do might become complicated should he have a run-in with Superman.
Before we know it, Vartox arrives in the skies above Metropolis. Superman is there waiting for him, because... ya see, Vart sent an "inter-galactic-gram" before heading over. He, Vartox that is, explains what he must to... but Superman ain't feelin' it. No matter for our foreign fashion plate... he's gonna do, what he's gotta do!
We shift scenes to the Metropolis State Penitentiary, where Lois Lane is interviewing the alleged murderer, Frank Sykes. As they chat, he reveals that his lawyer is this close to getting him off... which, if true, it's no wonder there are so many vigilantes in the DC Universe. Anyhoo, Vartox swipes him straight outta the Pen!
Well, not so fast there kemosabe, Superman's caught up with ya! For the next couple of pages, they brawl through the air... until, Vartox hammers Superman with an energy blast to the chest... which ricochets off of him, and winds up hitting (and killing!) Lois Lane. Despite how it looks on the cover, Vartox is very apologetic.
None of this matters though, because... it's just a "mental projection". Wonk wonk wonkkkkk....
Back in the "real world", Lois and Clark are headed... somewhere. They discuss how Frank Sykes actually did get off for the murder... and what's more, since their law prohibits "double jeopardy", ol' Sykes cannot be tried for the same crime again... so, he's just a free man! Oh yeah, also... Vartox shows up, but this time doesn't send an inter-galactic-gram-or-whatever.
Elsewhere, Frank is being reamed out over the phone by his brother Teddy. Teddy was responsible for hooking him up with that fabulous lawyer... but, that was the last favor he'll ever do for the deadbeat. Then... just minutes later, Teddy calls back to inform Frank that he's sending a "very special friend" to keep an eye on his little brother. Upon hanging up, Teddy has no idea why he made that call... but we know! Ya see, Vartox mentally possessed Teddy and made him make that call, so that he might get a closer look at ol' Frank.
Frank's not all that keen on working alongside "Vart", until the alien visitor convinces him that he (Frank) has some latent superpowers, controlled by the snap of his fingers. They teleport into "Spiffany's" (... clever) and steal a glowing jewel so big you could choke a horse with it!
Elsewhere, Lois and Clark are taking a Judo class. Lois, naturally, tosses Clark all ova da place. Clark uses his time on the mat to take a telescopic glance into Frank Sykes' apartment... and what he sees is, well... Frank and Vartox, and that big ol' jewel.
Clark excuses himself from the lesson, claiming... I dunno, sour stomach or something... then, Supes up and confronts the two nogoodniks. Vartox makes it look as though Sykes is using superpowers in order to keep the Man of Steel at bay. before "snapping" them both away. Superman shakes out the cobwebs, and decides to... not pursue the baddies, but check in at Spiffany's.
Superman learns that the stolen jewel was never the property of Spiffany's. At the same time, Vart reveals to Sykes that he is an alien from the far away... and tells him that the glowing jewel is actually a rare artifact worth millions... on his world. Sykes agrees to take the trek.
Superman arrives just as they're leaving... via a strange beam. He follows them into space, and even saves them from the certain doom of smashing into a fragment of a white dwarf star! Vartox is shocked that Superman hasn't tried to stop him.
Finally they arrive on Valeron... and the other shoe drops! Vartox lets him know the straight dope on their trip, Sykes is under arrest for the murder of his (unnamed) wife! The sentence... sixty years!
What's more, Vartox broke zero laws bringing him here! Ya see, the "stolen" rock, was his... also, there was technically no abduction, since Sykes came of his own free will! Then, Superman arrives... and everything gets straightened out. Vartox even lets him take Sykes home with him, since... on Valeron, they serve sentences a bit differently. It's revealed that the murderer has been aged sixty years! Superman doesn't really bat an eye... which makes sense, because this aging-dealie is still far less uncool than, say... banishing someone into the Phantom Zone!
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Ya know, this was pretty good!
Anytime I look at Vartox, I kinda just assume that he's a "funny, ha ha" character. Like he'd be the "Mort of the Month" several months running in Wizard Magazine or something. I'm almost positive he'd made at least one appearance there!
I'm surprised to see how un-jokey he is here. He's methodical, and smart (for the Bronze Age, anyway)... plus, his origin story... is a horribly sad one! Not all that much to laugh about (besides his outfit, anyway).
I was really expecting a far different story here... I assumed Vartox would be instantly antagonistic toward Superman... and what we get is him just trying to go about his own business, and actually avoid Superman in the process! Certainly a misleading cover... but, that's nothing new, and definitely not unique to this issue.
Other than that, not all that much to say. There's some crazy comics-"science" at play here... autopsiscans or whatever... just wacky stuff, but I suppose it all works. Thought the bait and switch set up by the "what if" segment was a bit deflating... and ultimately, a waste of a handful of pages... but whattayagonnado, right?
Overall... I'm looking forward to learning more about this weirdo character... and hope to take you all on a crazy Bronze Age ride. It doesn't look like this one's been collected (outside of a digest release) nor has it been made available digitally. C'mon, DC... whattaya got against Vartox, anyway? Certainly worth a look, if you come across it!
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Takion #1 (June, 1996)
"Birth Pains"
Writer - Paul Kupperberg
Artist - Aaron Lopresti
Inker - Gary Martin
Letterer - Willie Schubert
Colorist - Lee Loughridge
Assistant Editor - Alisande Morales
Editor - Dan Thorsland
Cover Price: $1.75
Today we're going to meet Takion! You remember him, right? We last bumped into him when we discussed the Genesis debacle at some point last year. I wondered just who in the hell he was then... and so, when I happened across nearly a full run of his title in the cheap-o bins (just missing #7), I excitedly snapped it up. What can I say, I'm a stupid, stupid man.
Anyhoo... if you've been Takion-curious... read on, I promise you won't be for long!
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We open with a blind man seemingly being struck dead on the sidewalk. He claims that since he's a psychologist, he should be able to "detach himself from pain and fear"... I've been taking psychology for six years now, and I gotta say... that class hasn't yet popped up on my schedule. He collapses, and begins to smolder with energy as a crowd forms around him... and then...
Next thing we know, our blind shrink (Joshua Sanders) is ripped from his body and sent soaring through the cosmos, before winding up stood before... the Highfather! This is notable because... having been blind since birth, this is the first time Joshua has ever been able to see anything... and now, he can see everything, not just what is front of him.
Highfather explains that he has chosen Sanders to be the "Takion of the Source", a Source Elemental... with the ability to manipulate the, wait for it, Source. Sanders is the perfect pick because, according to Highfather, he's a "man without destiny", and therefore wouldn't be sorely missed. There's a "compliment sandwich" if I ever heard one. Anyhoo... as if I haven't typed "Source" enough yet... Takion's gig will be cleaning the taint of the Source... which, ya know... kinda sounds gross. Profane, even!
We hop into a flashback, where we're seeing through Josh's eyes... kinda, because, ya know... blind. He's behind his desk and chatting up a lady friend named Nancy. It looks like they might have a romantic relationship.
The flashback is interrupted by Takion's own Cosmic Awareness kicking in. He finds himself overcome by... everything. Past, present, future... sights, sounds, smells... all'a dat stuff... including seeing a battle, seemingly with himself, perhaps a physical representation/manifestation of his Joshua Sanders self being at odds with his new Takion of the New Gods self? Or, maybe just a sign of things to come... yeah, that's probably more like it.
After this, he returns to the scene of his own apparent demise... the crowd is still there. He knows everyone's names... and introduces himself as "Takion"... which, gets a confused narration caption. Overhead, Kyle Rayner soars by... however, upon passing over Takion, his ring briefly powers down. He'll be back later.
Takion then flashes back to a time where he, in his blind fella form, almost wandered into the path of a truck. Dude must've been deaf too... that was a big damn truck! He then heads over to the hospital to chat up his lady friend, Nancy. It doesn't take him as long as you might imagine to convince her that the flaming golden god standing in front of her is actually the blind psychologist from down the hall.
Since Josh isn't in control of his new cosmic awareness, his thoughts bleed into her brain. She can hear so much of what he's worried about... for example, a solar flare erupting on the Sun at that very moment. Their reunion and chat is cut short by the arrival of the Highfather... which Takion ain't at all happy about.
Takion takes off, and finds himself facing off with... Kyle Rayner! Toldja he'd be back. They spend the next several pages doin' that thing where superheroes fight one another. It looks like Takion's got Kyle's number... and is even able to shut down his ring a time or two. The fight continues until Takion is able to break through one of Kyle's constructs.
Takion and Kyle slam down onto the rooftop where Nancy is (still) standing. Suddenly, the Highfather's voice comes from her body... telling Takion to accept his powers.
Highfather keeps riding Takion to "open himself up" to these powers... because the Source needs a scrubbin'. To his credit, he also apologizes for the position he put Josh in. Highfather then senses that his presence is known... and so, he bugs out back to New Genesis. By this point, however, Takion's powers are sorta-kinda going out of control... and he's actually lifted an entire aircraft carrier out of the nearby drink!
We wrap up this opening chapter with that Takion's power seemingly shutting down, and that aircraft carrier slamming down onto a row of New York City high-rises!
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Well, this wasn't all that great, was it?
Let's start with some praise... this book moves along at a decent clip. Had this book come out in "current year", it'd take about six issues to get where we are. Hell, today we'd probably get an eight-page scene of blind Joshua feeding his cat in his darkened apartment or something.
Also, the Takion design is pretty cool. Getting big-time Silver Surfer vibes (in look, power set, and angst), but I suppose that isn't the worst thing in the world. Gotta wonder if this design was pitched as "Silver Surfer, but gold... with a sash", because that's kinda what it is.
Now, the story we get here... I'm sorry, just isn't terribly interesting. It's well-written, and has all of the "nuts and bolts" a first issue ought to have... it's just really dull. We have no reason to really care about Joshua Sanders... and no reason to empathize with the plight of Highfather, who comes across here as a selfish, callous jerk-ass.
Also, I didn't care for the way the fight with Kyle Rayner went down. This is a staple of comics-character-introductions... you create a new character, and s/he must immediately best another character in battle. My "go-to" example of this is usually new-monster-on-the-block Doomsday beating the hell out of Darkseid. It feels forced, and I feel it doesn't do any of the characters involved any favors.
Overall... ehh, if you're down for a short-lived 1990's oddity, I suppose you could do worse. I didn't find this interesting in the slightest... though, in fairness... I'm not the biggest New Gods guy to begin with. The art is solid, it looks as though Lopresti was having a lot of fun with the malleability of the Takion character. Might be worth a flip through, though I wouldn't recommend paying near cover price for it.
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