Superman #289 (July, 1975)
"The Phantom Horseman of Metropolis!"
"Right Down My Alley!"
Writers - Cary Bates & Elliot S! Maggin
Pencils - Curt Swan
Inks - Bob Oksner & Jose Luis Garcia Lopez
Editor - Julius Schwartz
Cover Price: $0.25
Hey... that sure is an interesting cover!
Do the stories inside have even the tiniest of hopes of living up to it? Short answer, no... long answer, read on!
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We open at the home of Professor J.J. Pepperwinkle, an absent-minded (and spouse-ignoring) inventor... who was originally created for the Adventures of Superman television series during the 1950's. Anyhoo, his wife wants him to spend some time with her... but he's too busy. he does, after all, have an obligation to his "fellow geniuses". He realizes that a new invention of his has gone missing... and draws up a sketch of the thing, not realizing that he just walked right past it. It looks like a TV antenna... and get this, his wife is using it as a TV antenna!
He, of course, doesn't realize this... and simply assumes that it's been stolen. He decides to head off to the police station to file a report. After he leaves, Mrs. Pepperwinkle decides to catch up on her dishwashing... and maybe catch the end of a John Wayne flick on television (you see where this is headed?).
He shift scenes into Metropolis proper, where Clark Kent, Steve Lombard, and rodeo star, Candy Chapin are walkin' and talkin'. Steve sees an unattended police horse, and figures why not hop on and impress the pretty young Ms. Chapin with his riding prowess. This goes about as well as any of Lombard's endeavors, and he is bucked off with the quickness. At the very same time... a Phantom Horseman gallops down the street!
Clark ducks under a nearby bus for a quick-change, and proceeds to pursue the phantom as Superman. The empty-space-equestrian gallops straight toward a building... and much to Superman's surprise, appears to be able to dissolve matter on contact! That certainly doesn't bode well.
Superman tries tackling the rider... which doesn't do much to slow its progress. And so, he decides to fly ahead of the thing in order to clear a path... ensuring no humans get dissolved on contact. Just then, back at Pepperwinkle's, Elaine turns the television set off to answer the door...
... at which time, the Phantom Rider pops right out of existence!
Just so happens that Superman is right outside the police station... and he overhears Professor Pepperwinkle explain his case to Inspector Henderson. Superman kinda puts two and two together here, but not completely. Before he can fully think it through, Morgan Edge calls in to the station to report that a group of extremists known as the... get this... Metropolis Revolutionary Army have taken credit for the Phantom Rider, and swear to unleash another goofy-ass horror if they're not given a million bucks. As this is going down, Elaine Pepperwinkle decides to watch a little roller derby.
And wouldja believe... the next vacant humanoid shape to appear is that of Big Bertha, the roller derby queen! You gotta figure she'll be aiming for folks to take out!
Superman rushes off to the local junkyard to grab a treadmill... he then places the treadmill in the street and catches "Bertha" with it as she skates on by. Moments later, Elaine turns off the set to answer the door... again. Popular old bird, this Elaine Pepperwinkle! Naturally, at this point "Big Bertha" vanishes.
Back at the station, the Professor comes up with a plan to deal with the Metropolis Revolutionary Geeks. Using Superman's microscopic vision, they'll "trace" the call from the police station to wherever the hell these goofballs are hiding out. I mean, Superman's always had the microscopic vision, right? Shouldn't he have figured this out without the Professor's help? Oh well... they arrive at the Revolutionary hut... and Superman kicks butt.
After cleaning house, Superman and the Prof notice that Big Bertha is on the tube. Good thing the Revolutionaries left the set on! This gets Pepperwinkle's brain going, and he finally figures out what's been going on this whole time.
Together, the fellas head back to Pepperwinkle's place... and Superman nyoinks the "antenna" off of Elaine's television set. She cops to stealing the invention in order to get her husband's attention... after all, today is their twenty-fifth wedding anniversary! Little did she know, the Prof didn't forget... and, in fact, made reservations at an exclusive restaurant four-weeks prior. So... all's well that ends...
Only... that's not the end! It's time for a peek into The Private Life of Clark Kent... and, oh boy, it's a doozy. We open with several members of the WGBS staff grabbing a bite to eat. It isn't long before Steve Lombard gets all chauvinistic... and so, Lois challenges him to a "battle of the sexes" bowling match. It sure is a good thing that we've got four ladies and four fellas!
Here's the thing though... one of the fellas just happens to be Clark Kent, who... if he uses his Superman powers will give the men an unfair advantage... but, if he keeps up his clumsy-Kent persona, will give the women an unfair advantage. He sees only one way to make the match fair... and, boy is it dumb. He creates a "mental block" to make it impossible for him to use his super-powers.
We jump ahead to the bowling match... and it's a pretty even match. Also, it turns out that, even without his powers, Clark ain't half bad a bowler.
It comes down to Clark trying to grab a spare from a 7-10 split. Lombard pretends to hypnotize him... ya know "be the ball" and all that jazz. This gives CK a good laugh, and he decides to play along... he also, as it happens, manages to get that spare! There's no time to celebrate however, as the Mad Bomber of Metropolis has decided to strike the... bowling alley? Really? Okay. As the roof comes down, Clark pushes Lois out of the way of a falling beam.
Now Clark is pinned under the beam... and without any of his superpowers is rather helpless. So he... get this... "hypnotizes" Lois into being strong enough to life the beam. You kidding me? The "official" call is that Clark's "power of suggestion" got Lois' Adrenalin flowing... which gave her a momentary burst of strength. Okay...
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So, that was a pair of... what's the word... well, pretty bad stories!
I mean, I knew that the stories wouldn't live up to the neat photo-cover... but, I wasn't expecting for them to be quite as lame as they wound up being. I realize that you sorta have to get into the right frame of mind for some of these silly Bronze Age stories... and I certainly have an affinity for many of them! This, though? Just blech. What's worse... there's not even all that much to say about it! Superman fights things from Elaine Pepperwinkle's television set... The End.
I'll give a little bit of leeway to the backup... it follows a pretty standard sitcom plot, which, a lot of times... is all one can ask for from these. It's template "battle of the sexes", with the usual bit of male chauvinism to ignite the fuse. I am surprised, however, that they didn't portray the fellas as completely incompetent and bumbling during the match. I'd have lost money on that bet.
Overall... even though I thought both of these stories were pretty awful, I couldn't tell ya to avoid this one. If you happen across it for a couple of bucks (preferably less), I'd say grab it for the neat-o cover alone! These crude photo covers were something special... and never fail to stand out. If only its insides were half as interesting!
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JSA #81 (March, 2006)
"My Heroes"
Writer - Geoff Johns
Pencils - Dale Eaglesham
Inks - Art Thibert
Colors - John Kalisz
Letters - Rob Leigh
Assistant Editor - Harvey Richards
Editor - Stephen Wacker
Cover Price: $2.50
Going to take a look at a later issue of JSA today... and that's thanks to reader, Peter Garcia Sanchez... who recently commented on my ancient Angel Love #1 post with:
Now, me... being the foremost fake-ass Angel Love historian on this here internet, sat dumbfounded... shaking my head while staring at this reply. There's just no way this can be real... right?
I almost didn't want to believe it because... c'mon, I really should've known this!
So... is it true? Have I been living in a fool's paradise? Well, we're just going to have to read on and find out.
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We open at the Dugan home in Nebraska. Stargirl and her mother are watching news reports of some dangerous stuff going on in the world... and Courtney is getting ready to join her teammates in the JSA to deal with some of it. In the basement, Pat Dugan and his son Mike are arguing... about something we'll discuss in just a little bit. Mom rushes off to grab her camera to snap a picture of Courtney before she heads off. Courtney seems embarrassed, but gives a big ol' smile regardless. So, either she's a ham... or just a good daughter.
Back in the basement, Pat Dugan is working on his S.T.R.I.P.E. armor, preparing it for a night out. His son Mike (Courtney's step-brother) is ticked off that he isn't allowed to take up the S.T.R.I.P.E. mantle. Pat tells him 13 is too young... which, ya know... kinda flies in the face of every DC sidekick ever.
We rejoin Courtney as she's flashing back to her youth... her real father... and how her mom and Pat became an item. This scene is also the entire reason we're looking at this issue today! Ya see, Courtney was given a locket with a picture of her biological father... and wondered why he never came to be with her. Courtney's mom, being a single-mother, had to work a couple of jobs to support them... and so, Court was kind of a latch-key kid. Anyhoo, we see her watching various television shows... one of which is ANGEL LOVE!
Courtney recalls one night in particular where her mother came home a bit late... this time, however, she didn't come home alone. Enter: Pat Dugan.
They growed-ups dated for awhile... and Courtney fell back on cliche angsty teen-age behavior to get her mother's attention. This went about as well as it always does. Pat and Mom would be married... and move from Beverly Hills to Nebraska. Upon arrival in their new digs, Courtney discovered Sylvester Pemberton's Cosmic Converter Belt in the moving boxes...
... and would become the all-new Star-Spangled Kid!
Back in the present, the Dugan men continue to argue. Mike asks Pat why he was sent to Military School a couple years prior. Pat cops to just not being able to give him the attention he needed. Mike was acting out and becoming a delinquent... Military School was the only option. Fair enough, right? Well... when Mike came back, he found his dad busy trying to be a father to... another kid (Courtney, natch).
Mike stomps upstairs, and passes Courtney on his way... and tells her that her thighs look fat in her tights. Hey, pal... that's your sister... don't be checkin' out her business! She freaks out (because she's scared she looks fat... not because her brother just checked her out). Pat tells her she looks fine... and the word "fine" is bolded. I'm going to assume that's just for emphasis, and he wasn't stretching out the "i" or anything (fiiiiiiiiine).
Anyhoo, S.T.R.I.P.E. is switched on-line, and the pair'a heroes head out into the fray. As they draw nearer to Philadelphia (the place where the hinky stuff's going down) they hear a terrific BONGG, which knocks them for a loop... and also, temporarily deafens them!
Turns out the "bong" is emanating from the Liberty Bell... and, uh... Liberty Belle!
Ya see, Liberty Belle gets her powers from the ringing of the actual Liberty Bell. Her powers kinda went on the fritz in the nebulous Infinite Crisis-y era... and so, she visited the City of Brotherly Love to give herself a jumpstart. This... didn't work as expected, and now she's kinda stuck on the Bell.
Off to the side, Courtney notices Liberty Belle's daughter, Jesse Chambers (Jesse Quick). She compares their relationship to the one between she and her biological father. While Courtney (claims to) feel nothing but hate for her old man, Jesse still loves her mom. Courtney takes this as evidence that Jesse's a better daughter than she is.
After another tremendous BONNNGG, we shift scenes to Opal City. There's a terrible electrical storm going on, and the Shade is saving some citizens from being crushed by a falling statue. Shade, of course, claims that he's actually just concerned with saving the statue itself. In a nearby apartment building, we see Courtney's biological father watching news of everything going down in Philly. Just as he hears that Stargirl is approaching the Bell... the TV loses reception. Moments later, the building is struck by lightning.
Back in Philly, Stargirl approaches Liberty Belle... and the Liberty Bell. She takes Libby's hand and calms her down... by telling her that she's gotta stick around, if only for her daughter's sake. Daughters need mothers, and all that jazz.
After one final explosion... everything stops. Pat looks on from a distance and wonders aloud where his "daught--" is. Then, from the smoky horizon, two silhouettes form... Stargirl and Liberty Belle emerge, no worse for wear.
Pat pulls Courtney to the side and gives her a halfhearted lecture. Sure, it was a dumb thing to do... but, it's the kinda thing heroes do... and what's more, it worked! They chat some more, with Courtney trying to impart on Pat that he's a good dad, no matter what Mike said earlier.
Then... the Shade arrives on the scene, with bad news. Her father's apartment building wasn't just hit by lightning... it collapsed. Her father... is dead.
Stargirl then does that thing where she pretends not to care... after all, why should she? It isn't long, however, until she breaks down crying. She turns to Pat and asks why she can't not care...
... he replies that it's because she is a wonderful daughter.
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Well, I'll be a sonuvagun... Angel Love is mentioned here! Huge thanks to Peter for the tip! If there are any other Angel Love mentions/appearances that I don't know of... please let me know!
Before we get into the story of the issue... I do wanna say, I really dig the idea of Angel Love being a television show in the DC Universe... I can see it sorta being in the vein of Degrassi Jr. High or something... heck, they deal with some of the same issues! Drug abuse, unplanned pregnancy, estranged families, sick parents... if only Ed Koch was the mayor of Toronto, we'd be pretty close!
And since it's really tough to reconcile Angel Love within the wider DC continuity... it having been a TV show might just be the best way to make it "fit". It all happened... it was just on TV. Here's a better look at that panel:
Now the story itself... perhaps a bit heavy-handed... maybe a little melodramatic... but, I gotta say... I loved it!
I'm definitely a sucker for this kind of story... and the evolving dynamic between Stargirl and Pat Dugan has always been a great one. I like that they share this closeness, especially in light of their frostier relationship early on. The panel where Pat, without thinking, refers to her as his "daught--" was especially telling. After all they've been through together, there's no doubt that they're "family".
The Liberty Belle stuff was really just a means to an end, I feel. Going into the next volume, Jesse would abandon her "Jesse Quick" persona and take up her mother's Liberty Belle mantle... so, this is likely just a faciliatory (that's not a word!) measure to connect this to that.
Back to Pat... I guess there's still the question as to whether or not he's a good father (to Mike). That's kind of a toughie, innit? We can tell there's a definite affection there... Pat cares about his son, certainly... buuuuut, he's kinda just in the background, no? It's been awhile since I read this Infinite Crisis era JSA... so, I dunno if this leads anywhere or not. It's Johns, so I assume it does.
Speaking of fathers, good and otherwise... Courtney's biological Pop gets popped in that Opal City electrical storm. I think her reaction to this was... the right one. I'd never say that someone should or shouldn't react a certain way... but, this just felt like the right way... for her.
The art here was phenomenal... as we've come to expect from Dale Eaglesham. He's definitely up there on my list of top artists. From dynamic action to incredible emotion... just as close to perfect as it gets!
Overall... so very happy to have revisited this issue, and even though I only did it to search out the Angel Love mention, I loved the actual story as well. This issue is available digitally.
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Justice League of America #248 (March, 1986)
"Interweavings"
Writer - Gerry Conway
Pencils - Luke McDonnell
Inks - Bill Wray
Colors - Gene D'Angelo
Letters - John Costanza
Editor - Andy Helfer
Cover Price: $0.75
I was refiling the Crisis on Earth-Prime! issues of Justice League of America we've been discussing over the past few days (available on the Collected Editions page), and started flipping through the rest of the run for fun.
Came across this one, and couldn't recall it for the life of me. The cover just looked completely (pardon the pun) alien to me! Had zero recollection of it. And so, what betta book to take a look at?
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We open with Gypsy, Vixen, and Elongated Man... uh, caring for, a tentacled horror. Apparently a baby tentacled horror, for which Gypsy seems to feel a strong maternal urge. They're not sure what this thing is, or where it came from... and they wish the Martian Manhunter were around to give his two-cents on the issue. Unfortunately for them, J'onn has returned to Tec'ing... and is currently hanging out in Brooklyn Heights on a case.
Turns out, the case he's investigating involves a young runaway. From inside a building, he hears a scream... and a crash. J'onn rushes into the building to find... a much older woman than he was expecting... and she'd been shot dead!
J'onn (or do we just call him "John" in his human guise?) picks up the gun... just then, a pair of police officers arrive! They, naturally, believe J'onn to be the culprit and begin to treat him as such. He tosses them the presumed murder weapon as a distraction, and vanishes.
He taunts the officers (for some reason... seems kind of a jerky thing to do) before shoving one off the stoop outside the building. The Invisible J'onn reclaims the pistol and flees the scene.
From here, we jump to an interlude. A green crystal spacecraft lands on a distant planet... where the red-skinned passenger is hailed by the sausage-headed aliens who live there. Since this has been a Martian Manhunter story up to this point, I almost assumed this fella was Jemm Son of Saturn (it's not)... but I don't think their connection had been made until the late 90's.
We shift scenes to Zatanna, who has discovered a pile of ashes inside her Greenwich Village apartment. She fears this might be the remains of Sheri Stanley, the girl who she sublet her apartment to. She wonders if one of her enemies mistook Sherri for her, and decided to strike.
She goes to leave the room when she notices, out of the corner of her eye, a note on the wall indicating that something is going down at the Westside Marina at 9:00. She whups up some winds and heads thaddaway.
We next hop over to De Bad Guy... Paco Ramone (hey yo). He's putting down a deposit on some new digs... and is pretty proud of himself for finally having a home he can call his own. Just then, he is approached by a pair of goons, who try and sell him some "insurance"... if ya know what I mean. When Paco don't pay, they get rough with him... until he vibes out, and shakes them into the pavement.
Then, Commander Steel... who, in his civilian guise is a Hollywood stuntman. He's dressed as a barbarian (of sorts) and is filming a scene with... a jackass. Not an actual donkey, just a jerk of an actor who keeps trying to take liberties with the lowly stuntman. Finally, Hank's had enough, and he bodyslams the geek.
We jump ahead five minutes, and Hank is leaving the set (fully dressed... which really says something about the studio's makeup department!). Anyhoo, a woman named Robin Flynn calls out to him... she's the "continuity girl" (heh!), and she just loves what Hank did on set. Fair enough.
We rejoin Gypsy and the rest as they search through the old Justice League Headquarters for a way to conduct tests on their tentacled horror (they've named it "Junior", by the way, and Gypsy is certain it's a "she"... except on this page where they call it a "he"). Vixen suggests they grab a scalpel and nab a sample of the thing... which freaks it out but good!
Vixen gives chase... but is suddenly overcome by a strange dizziness. Then... there's something about a newly-mummified possum family in a box? Okay... maybe that's what "Junior" does? Mummifies rodents? Either way, due to her power set, Vixen is feeling the effects.
Junior makes her way to the entry of the cave... and runs into the returning Martian Manhunter, Vibe, and Commander Steel. Steel approaches... and Junior begins speaking in weird alien tongues. Suddenly, Steel is engulfed in an inky blackness.
Vibe jumps in between Steel and Junior, and gets himself all inked up. J'onn then shapeshifts into a similar tentacled horror... which provides ample distraction for Steel to wallop Junior with a punch.
Gypsy rushes over to the downed beast, and yells at her teammates for being so rough. C'mon lady... really? Were they just supposed to let this thing attack them?!
We wrap up this issue with Vixen stumbling out of the cave. She collapses before the team... and looks as though she's aged several decades!
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Well, not exactly what I was expecting... but not half bad either!
Judging by the cover, I was expecting this to be a John Jones, P.I. spotlight issue... and, I was kinda psyched for it! So, it was a bit of a deflating surprise that much of this story was focused on a tentacled horror named Junior.
But, that's what we get... so, let's talk about it. It's a (presumed baby) tentacled critter... who is rather skittish around scalpels? It's also a girl... until the heroes (and Gerry) forget and begin referring to it as a boy. It's got powers... and apparently a glass jaw... and it might mummify rodents? Ehh, who cares...
Personally, if it isn't abundantly clear by now, I felt like the Junior scenes were the weakest of the issue. I really dug the little vignettes of the Leaguers away from the team. Vibe getting his first apartment was cool. I like that his first instinct was to tell his friends that he did it all on his own.
Steel as a stuntman... well, I can't say that doesn't make sense, considering he's get all'a da mesh underneath his skin. I'm kind of intrigued by the "continuity girl" who approached him after his outburst... and again, thought it as neat that his first instinct was to share that story with his friends.
Zatanna's discovery of ashes... another very intriguing beat. I like that she followed physical/mundane clues (as obvious as the post-it note might've been) to plan her next steps instead of just magicking up an answer/path.
Then... the cover story. John Jones back on the street investigating a runaway, and discovering a corpse. This is definitely the story I wanted to see fleshed out a bit more. Not sure why J'onn acted like such a jerk to the officers (who, really... were just doing their jobs)... but, either way, I certainly enjoyed this (all too brief) scene.
Overall... an interesting issue, to be sure... and one with a lot to dig (your tentacle monster mileage may vary). This issue is not yet available digitally... so, this'll be a bin dive. Shouldn't break the bank though!
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