Doom Patrol (vol.2) #70 (September, 1993) "The Laughing Game" Writer - Rachel Pollack Pencils - Scot Eaton Inks - Tom Sutton Colors - Tom Ziuko Letters - John Workman Assistant Editor - Julie Rottenberg Editors - Tom Peyer & Lou Stathis Cover Price: $1.95 Hey gang... we're going, uh, a bit Mature today. Reader discretion is advised, and all 'at. --
We open with a young man trying to chat up a classmate in High School. He's such a nobody that she's barely even paying attention while she turns him down... she tells him he's not "big enough", and while she was referring to his height... he took that to mean he was small in... another area. This one incident seemed to send him on quite the troubled path... so fearful and ashamed was he of his small... well, ya know... that he wouldn't be able to relate to women, without his package-baggage coming up. And so, what's a fella to do? Well if you answered, become a phallic-themed supervillain and attempt to exact revenge... you'd be on the right track!
We shift scenes over to Rainbow Estates, where George and Marion (the Bandage People) are getting ready for a day out shopping. They invite Cliff and Dorothy to accompany them... however, the former is worried they'll be stared at, and the latter is too busy playing with her super-creepy Charlie McCarthy doll. That thing is the stuff of nightmares, ain't it? The doll may or may not allow Dorothy to remember things from her past while she holds it... she offers him over to Cliff for a bit, but he wants no part of it... and I can't blame him!
Next, we head over to a costume shop and meet a woman named Kate Godwin. She buys a frog-head mask, and it's alluded to that she's been away for a little while... her friend, Jean, thanks her for returning in time for her birthday.
From here, they head to a bar for a demonstration of Kate's powers... because, she has some! They have the barkeep flip on a tap... and Kate makes the beer coming out of it coagulate. For her next trick, he dissolves a bottle sitting on a table.
Once the performance has concluded, Jean and Kate find a table. Kate spills the beans on how she (believes) she got her powers. Just think, a couple of years earlier they could've just said "Gene Bomb" and been done with it... nowadays, it's a bit more complicated. Ya see, Kate used to be a lady of the evening... and one night she was approached by a rather peculiar client... Rebis! She claims that while they... ya know... a "ghost" was discharged from the client's body... and the next morning she woke up next to a Russian stacking doll.
Her powers would emerge some time later, and Kate would try becoming the superhero "Coagula"... hell, she even attempted to join the Justice League! She says they liked her powers... but just "couldn't handle" her. It's here that we learn (or, can at least assume) that Kate is a transsexual woman.
From here, we rejoin our phallic-friend Codpiece... he's attempting to rob a bank with his... cod-piece. Funnily enough, all of the women present are absolutely taken by his... cod-piece! Gotta figure that that's a dream come true for this fella! He proceeds to blow his way into the bank regardless.
Inside, we see that his cod-piece is of the Swiss Army variety... he can attach all manner of weaponry to his groinal-area. He drills his way into the vault and heads on in... just then, the police arrive. He takes them out with some... I can't think of a punny way to say it, so I'll just say it straight... sonar. He shoots sonar out of his cod-piece.
He ain't done yet though... from here he fires a bunch of missiles, which blows up the police cruisers. It's here that we see him in silhouette... which is probably the most risque panel in the book because you wouldn't be able to tell just what that "mass" he's packin' really is.
Nearby, the Bandage People are out having a time. A snot-nosed kid notices that they're... ya know, covered in bandages... and assumes they'd be invisible underneath. And so, he does what any jerk-ass kid might do... he tries to unwrap poor Marion. This doesn't work out all that well for the boy... and he winds up wound up (winds up... wound up) in bandages. The kid's mother (I assume) wishes she had the ability to do that. Might wanna call Child Protective Services, you guys.
George and Marion continue on their merry way, until coming across a crying woman named Alice. She rushes up to them and applauds their bravery for being in public while looking like mummies (fashionable mummies, but mummies nonetheless).
Just then... there's an explosion! The Bandage folks take Alice to safety before deciding to get involved... after all, they are "super-thingies" now. The threat is, of course, Codpiece... who's Swiss Army Crotch is currently punching a cop in the face with a boxing glove. Ollie Queen wants his royalty check... you can, uh, keep the glove though.
The Bandage folks get into position and bombard the baddie with bandages. Codpiece panics and proceeds to unload a salvo of... man, why can't I come up with any puns this morning... a salvo of... missiles, I guess. The explosions catch the attention of our new friend, Kate.
By this point, Codpiece has a giant pair of scissors sticking out of his crotch (either that, or he's just glad to see us)... and is hacking away at the bandages. Marion decides it's time to unleash "the spooks"... these are humanoid insects that apparently live inside her purse. They aren't super-effective.
Just then, a frog-masked woman appears on the horizon. Codpiece isn't impressed. Then, Coagula uses her powers to first... coagulate the cod-piece... then, dissolve it. That sounds like the start of a pretty bad day for our baddie.
With Codpiece in custody, George and Marion decide to extend an invitation to Kate to join the Doom Patrol. She ain't sure what the Doom Patrol's all about, but decides to go along anyway.
We wrap up back at Rainbow Estates, where Cliff's curiosity has finally gotten the better of him... and he picks up the janked-out Charlie McCarthy doll. It speaks to him... and sends him back to his childhood, where he is being bullied by a pair of goofs. He is then approached by a rather debonair Fox, who offers him great powers. Ruh-roh.
-- Heckuva fun issue! It's going to perhaps sound weird... but, ya know that intangible element in comics we sometimes discuss... the "heart" of a comic story? This issue, despite being about a fella with a phallic arsenal, actually has heart... at least, to me. There's this weird "goodness" to this story... an altruism. Now, I'm not talking about our man Codpiece of course, but the rest of our cast... they just feel like good people here. Now, where to start? I guess we can get my thoughts on Coagula out of the way. Now, her being a transsexual woman is a sensitive subject, and honestly one that I'm probably not qualified to opine on. All I will say is I'm happy she's here, and I really appreciate her depiction as just a person trying to live their best life. She's not shown as a novelty or an outlier (no more than the rest of the Doomies, anyway)... she's just a woman who wants to do good. Back in ye old 1993, this was a pretty brave move. Hell, today it's still a risky gambit! I'm honestly surprised we haven't had Kate reappear in more recent years! Speaking of characters I'm surprised we haven't seen again... Codpiece! This dude is just "funny, ha-ha" enough to pop-up again (now the puns happen!). I appreciate his origin stemming from a misunderstanding. I think a lot of people speak without thinking... and don't really pay much mind to how their words affect those around them. In simply dismissing the teen-age Codpiece (we never learn his real name) as being too small (meaning short), she unwittingly planted the seeds for a villainous career (which wound up being just as short as he was!). When some people are told their "too small", they go the Charles Atlas route... others, as we see here... become phallus-focused and attempt to exact revenge on a world that looks down on him! I'm assuming there is something symbolic in his... coagulatory castration of sorts... but, I'll just leave that in the ether. The Bandage People, George and Marion, are a hoot. They don't seem to realize (or care) that they look the way they do. Cliff is depicted here as rather self-conscious over his appearance... which, the B.P.'s can't really wrap their head around (wrap... head... ay yai yai). Later, that woman Alice calls them brave for being out in public... and they really don't get that either. These are fun characters... and they've got that intangible "heart" to 'em. The one thing I didn't much like... was the Charlie McCarthy doll... and that's the whole point, I reckon. I'm not supposed to like that cursed thing! It's supposed to make my skin crawl (and it kinda does!). There's such a disquieting on the page when the puppet's there... and the fact that only Cliff seems to be skeeved out by it makes it all the more anxiety-inducing. I hate looking at the puppet... but, I'm glad he's here to creep me out. Overall... this issue probably won't be for everybody. I enjoyed it a great deal... but I'd understand if people did not. It's a bit crass, to be sure, but if you're open-minded and comfortable with seeing a villain lead with his crotch, I have a sneaking suspicion that you'll dig this as well. This issue is available digitally. -- Interesting Ads:
Windy and Willy #4 (November-December, 1969) "Historical High Jinks!" Writers - Larry Nadle & Bob Oksner Art - Bob Oksner Cover Price: $0.15 You ever boggle your brain thinking about all the useless knowledge and memories you've got kickin' around? Well, if you're reading this, you're very likely a comic book fan... which means, of course you do! One of the things I recall quite vividly, though... really, I shouldn't... is the first night my family had cable tv. Come to think of it, it was early-December, 1988... so, almost exactly thirty freaking years ago. Yikes! Anyhoo... that first night, I did what I'd assume a lot of goofy eight-year olds did... watched Nickelodeon until it went off the air! This surprised me... I wasn't quite sure what to make of it. Nickelodeon signed off, and was replaced by Nick-at-Nite... which I probably wound up enjoying even more than the kids' shows. What are the odds, right? Me liking entertainment from before my time... I remember the initial line-up... Mr. Ed, Patty Duke, My Three Sons, Donna Reed, Saturday Night Live (back when it was watchable), SCTV, and Laugh-In. The stupid things that occupy my brain-space, I'm tellin' ya. I also remember one day Mr. Ed was replaced by something called Dobie Gillis...
... or, The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis. I don't remember much about it, but I don't recall it ever being one of my favorites. I know it would usually open with the preppy-looking dude posing in front of the statue of Rodin's The Thinker, while he contemplated life and (his apparently, many) loves. His best friend was a Beatnik Gilligan named Maynard. I think my occasionally calling people "Maynard" might be the most lastingest impression this show had on me... and honestly, I didn't even realize that until now! So, why in all hells am I talking about Dobie Gillis? If you're familiar with some of the weirdo stuff DC Comics put out during the 1950's and 60's, it probably won't come as too much of a surprise that ol' Dobie actually had himself an ongoing series...
... which for some reason, they decided to repurpose into a short-lived late 60's title called... Windy and Willy! And, when I say "repurpose", I mean they took Dobie wholesale, and had Bob Oksner draw these new (DC owned?) characters over the cast of The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis! Here, have a look at the opening splash for The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis #17 (January-February, 1963) and this very issue of Windy and Willy!
Pretty neat, right? The real question... er, the only question... is "why?". I mean, this is such a weird series to draw from... and it's not like anyone was putting all that much thought into scripting romance/comedy books back then... it almost seems like an unnecessary amount of extra work to muck about with the old art! Oh well, I guess we ought to get into it... and see if this story stands out as something DC should've gone out of their way to "preserve"? Also, if I do ever come into possession of Dobie Gillis #17, I will do a full and proper "juxtapoz", just like we did with our "Hardcover/Softcover" look at New Teen Titans and the Outsiders! Those were a lot of fun to put together (and play with!), check 'em out if you haven't already! --
After that opening splash page (posted above), the story proper begins inside Newton's Grocery store (owned by Willy's parents). Mrs. Newton runs into a Mrs. Van Buren who can't stop talking about how great her daughter, Dolly Madison Van Buren is doing in History class. Mrs. Newton laments that her boy, Willy, ain't doin' all that hot. Mrs. VB suggests Dolly Madison tutor him... and is very excited by the prospect. Ya see, Willy, for whatever reason, is viewed as kind of a "catch". It's been decades, but I'm guessing Dobie might've been viewed the same way.
Speaking of Willy, he and his burnout friend Windy enter the shop and Ma and Pa break the news that he's gotten himself a brand-spankin' new history tutor! Oh, happy day!
Mr. Newton talks about what a great student of history he had been during his yoot, to which, Willy suggests that there just wasn't all that much history way back then! Hmm... ya sorta walked right into that one, pops. This, for some reason, leads to Willy's dad practicing Native American "war whoops"... oooookay. Wouldn'tcha know it, this (and a threat of "scalping")... somehow... convinces Willy to visit his new tutor.
As Willy and Windy go to leave, the burnout decides to help himself to a jar of... something (baby food?)... from the shop shelves. Mr. Newton responds by... "whooping" again. I'm not sure the joke landed the first time... much less the second. Hell, I'm not sure there's even a joke to be found!
Outside the store... and a safe distance away from Mr. Newton, Windy decides to start "whooping" himself. Why are we still doing this?!
Oh well, let's move on... Windy and Willy head off to the Van Buren house, and... hide in the bushes for some reason. I feel like I'm typing "for some reason" and "somehow" a lot today. Anyhoo, while they're hiding, the witness the arrival of Dolly Madison Van Buren... a rather frumpy-looking co-ed. Windy, for some reason, decides to pretend to be a turkey. This gets DM's attention, and she introduces herself to the fellas.
Willy tells her that she likes to "act out" history in order to better remember it... so, he and his waste-case friend were in the bushes pretending to be Lewis & Clark. So, that's what we're calling it? Anyhoo, Willy tries to pass on the tutoring... after all, who'd wanna be stuck inside with such a "scholarly-looking type" as Dolly Madison? He winds up accepting anyway.
Here's where that other shoe drops. Once inside, Dolly Madison decides to get more comfortable. She removes her over-sized sweater, takes off her glasses... and lets down her hair. Boom-chicka-boom-chicka-boom... turns out, she's a knockout! Whodathunkit?!
Suddenly... Willy's all about the studying. Dolly Madison is impressed that he even came inside with her. Well, the other her, anyway. Ya see, she dresses like a frump to avoid wolf-whistles and cat-calls, which she finds very disquieting.
Finally, it's time to study. Willy suggests they maybe "act out" a bit of history between Cleopatra and Marc Antony... hopefully not the final scene though. Dolly Madison makes it clear that their relationship is strictly that of Teacher-Student. Willy seems okay with this... so long as he can "yearn" while he "learns". Whatever the hell that means. All's I know, is only one of his hands is visible in this panel.
Dolly Madison mentions that her heart has been filled by the American Heroes of history. Willy suggests that he too is a hero, just nobody has written about him yet. Remember to use that line next time you're out fellas! She ain't buyin' it... nor should she. Willy leaves, but not before suggesting he'd be getting more out of this lesson if the other-her was teaching it. He meets back up with Windy... who is still loitering on the lawn... because, really... where else would he be?
While chatting up his burnout buddy, Willy has a tremendous idea... in order to woo Dolly Madison, he's going to have to become... a Hero! Willy hasn't the foggiest idea what his pal's going on about... after all, why go to all the effort for such a frumpy-looking gal? Willy introduces Windy to Dolly Madison... who stands seductively in her doorway.
Willy (w)racks his brain about ways to impress the new object of his desires... and figures that maybe he can have ol' Maynard pretend to be a bandit... who he can foil. Windy ain't keen on the idea... and goes full Shaggy from Scooby-Doo to express that emotion.
Willy then has another thought... he'll save Windy from being hit by a car! Windy finally wises up... or maybe the buzz wears off, and he goes to walk away. Willy grabs him as he steps off the curb... and they fall on top of one another. An old woman witnesses the entire thing, and mistaking it for a fight, calls a police officer over.
Willy starts talkin' some spoo about saving his buddy from an oncoming vehicle... and via the power of suggestion, the old lady cops to the story as well... hell, she even says she saw the whole thing go down!
Windy and Willy head off to "tell it to the press". I could picture the evening news broadcast that night. "Boy saves burnout from invisible car... and, in other news, NOTHING!" After they leave, the officer realizes that this whole thing was a sham... the street was closed down the entire time! Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk.
We wrap up with Willy delivering the news to Dolly Madison, who... is actually impressed! So much so, that she insists he share the story with her Uncle Quincy... who, just so happens to be the police officer he'd pulled a fast one on! Wonk, wonk wonkkkkkk.
-- Well, that was somethin', wasn't it? I had more fun with this than I was expecting. Sure, it's a goofy sitcom story... but it's more or less inoffensive. I did leave out some of the panels of "war whooping" due to some insensitive language used... but, it was a different time, whattayagonnado? The "frumpy girl is really a hot girl" plot is well-worn, and hell... probably was even way back in ye old 1963 when this story first appeared in Dobie #17. Again, more or less inoffensive... silly teen-age comedy shtick... something that wouldn't feel out of place on Saved by the Bell or the like. I think my main takeaway from all this can be summed up with one word. Why? Why did DC feel the need to rework old Dobie Gillis stories, like six years after the fact?! Why did Windy and Willy occupy an issue of Showcase (#81-March, 1969), and why-oh-why did DC decide to give 'em an ongoing?! Was there something about these stories in particular that needed to be preserved?! I mean, it's not like they were reprinting all of the old Dobie Gillis stories! This is Windy and Willy #4... and this story is from Dobie #17! It's just so weird. Oh well. I guess it's not mine to wonder why... all's I know, is I kinda dug this. It was goofy and silly... and kind of a waste of time, but not the worst thing in the world. Turns out Windy and Willy would only make one more appearance after this... in the pages of a very recent issue of Scooby-Doo Team-Up (March, 2018)... whiiiiich, now I'm going to have to track down. Is this worth tracking down? Ehh, probably not. If you happen across it in the "buck and below-bins", well... yeah, grab it... but otherwise, you shouldn't break your back nor your bank tracking this one down. Shock of shocks, this one is not available digitally. If you're interested in the "source material" for Windy and Willy, Shout! Factory has uploaded some full-episodes of The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis to their YouTube Page.
Batman and the Outsiders #5 (December, 1983) "Psimon Says..." Writer - Mike W. Barr Co-Plotter - Marv Wolfman Art - Jim Aparo Colors - Adrienne Roy Editor - Len Wein Cover Price: $0.75 Going to wrap up the crossover we started yesterday. I'll be adding these issues to both the Life and Times of Tara Markov and Collected Editions pages for easy consumption.
--
Picking up right where we left off last issue, the Titans and Outsiders are flailing in the waters where the tiny island off Gotham sunk. Batman and Robin both blame themselves... as one might assume. Terra attempts to tap into her Earthy powers to re-rise the island, but proves to have been too weakened in the blast. Lucky for her, she ain't the only Earth-Mover present... her brother, Brion, reaches down deep and actually manages to raise the island out of the Gotham Bay drink.
Everyone looks to have made it... except Beast Boy! A worried Halo rushes to his side... and a little voice suggests she try some mouth-to-mouth resuscitation on the green fella. That little voice, of course, belongs to Beast Boy himself. Nice try, Gar!
At the same time, Batman begins directing traffic, telling both teams where to go and how to be... which kinda sticks in a certain Boy Wonder's craw... which, is understandable.
Meanwhile, on the mainland... Dr. Light makes another power grab, attempting to take leadership over the Mud Pack (not that Mud Pack). This doesn't quite work... after all, they only do what Psimon Says. The rest of the Fearsome Five make it quite clear that they now follow Psimon, which makes a ton of sense... any time they'd follow Dr. Light, they wound up in jail! Ol' Artie gets chased outta dodge.
We shift scenes over to the Outsiders' headquarters atop the Wayne Foundation Building, where both teams get better acquainted... sorta. Terra acts like a bit of a jerk, but that's kinda her gimmick... so the Outsiders shouldn't take it all that personally. We do get a few "parallels" here, which is pretty neat. Both Wonder Girl and Halo don't know about their pasts... Kid Flash and Black Lightning both do-si-do with retirement... it's pretty cool stuff.
After awhile, Batman calls for the heroes to assemble in the meeting room. He and Dr. Jace have deduced that the Fearsome Five's target will be Manhattan. Robin chips in with a bit of information from the NYPD police band...
... which Batman heeds, yet doesn't go out of his way to thank Dick for presenting. It sure feels like Marv and Mike keep trying to paint the other-guy's guy as the whiner, don't it?
It isn't long before the heroes arrive in Manhattan's Central Park where Psimon and Dr. Light are duking it out (so to speak). The good guys seem to choose Dr. Light as the lesser of two evils, and lash out at Psimon. Good thing Zatanna mind-wiped Batman back in the long ago, ain't it? Well, it's a good thing for Arthur Light, anyway.
Before the skirmish ends, a mind-controlled Halo strikes at the heroes... this gives Light the opportunity to slip away, or it would, if Black Lightning weren't there to zap him good. Raven slips in to sooth Halo's soul.
We shift scenes over to the Empire State Building, where the Fearsome Five are making their way toward the antenna, hopeful that it will give Psimon better range for use with his newly souped-up powers. They flip a switch (for some reason... ceremony, perhaps?) and before we know it, the people of New York City are under his control.
Well, not everybody. Ya see, the heroes have headed over to Titans Tower, where Dr. Jace has created a ray to shield whoever is hit by it from Psimon's mental powers. Pretty convenient, innit? Anyhoo... the heroes all bathe in the light. Meanwhile, Dr. Light spills the beans on the Five's plans.
The heroes head toward the Empire State Building, which does give Gar the opportunity to pretend to be King Kong and invite Halo to be his Fay Wray. Smooth.
Batman's on the ground directing traffic, he insists that none of the controlled civilians are injured... which, really ought to go without saying, right? He then breaks the crew into teams... and it's here that Robin has finally had enough. He pulls rank and rejiggers Batman's teams... while telling him off!
The heroes make their way into the Empire State Building... and make extremely short work of the Fearsome Five Four. Like, extremely short work. I'm not the biggest fan of these geeks... and even I think they were jobbed out here.
Once Psimon is stuck in stasis, all of the New Yorkers come to. We then wrap up back at Titans Tower. We learn that Dr. Light escaped... but didn't take his costume with him! Looks like he quits (for now)!
Terra and Geo-Force celebrate their unexpected reunion with a hug... during which, Tara laments the fact that she has to betray the Titans... who now consider themselves friends with the Outsiders.
Finally, Batman and Robin make nice... and officially end their hero/sidekick relationship. For now, they are both bonafide heroes and team-leaders in their own right.
-- Okay, a quick... but satisfying enough ending to our two-part crossover. We have a few things to unpack... Same as yesterday, let's start with a look at some Bat-Family Drama. It's with this chapter that we see Robin start with the passive (and not-so passive) aggression... and in light of how things went down in New Teen Titans #37, it's kinda funny that Mike W. Barr writes him this way. I remember during my early days in the fandom, we'd hear about creators being protective of their characters. Like, the ones in their creative "fiefdom". They wanted to have a certain amount of "say" over the characters they write when they appear in other peoples' books... which, I mean, I don't hold that against 'em! It only makes sense, from a characterization standpoint that you wouldn't want guest-appearances to contradict character-beats in the home book. I wish more writers were as protective these days! They don't always get it right (I'm thinking of that Punisher/Wolverine "crossover" from the early days of Jemas/Quesada Marvel... woof), but I like it when characters are kept "in-character" regardless of which book they appear in. But what I'm getting at here, is... yesterday, Marv paints Batman as a whiny, passive-aggressive sort... and today Mike kinda flips the script, and adds some whinge to Robin. I mean, all's well that ended well, but I still found this kinda interesting. I wonder if either writer took issue with the way "their guy" was treated? Let's look at the Markov's for a moment. Terra looks to be having second thoughts about the ramifications of her betrayal. I wanna make it clear, she never wavers from the plan... but, does seem concerned with how it might ultimately affect her brother, Brion. This is a point in the "Terra's not evil/insane" column... from here, the "Judas Contract" betrayal looks to be... just a job. Since this was scripted by Barr... I'm not sure how "official" this depiction is. The Fearsome Five... I said it yesterday (and earlier today), they're not my favorites... but, c'mon... the poor goofs got jobbed out here, didn't they? Very seldom am I an advocate for stretching out a story, but this probably could've done with a Part Three. Overall... there's a lot to like here! Batman and Robin bury the hatchet... with the latter seemingly being "graduated" from his sidekick role and being seen more as an equal by his mentor. I'd say it's definitely worth a look. This arc has been collected a whole bunch, and this issue is available digitally. -- Interesting Ads:
