Detective Comics #506 (September, 1981)
"Who Dies for the Manikin?"
Writer - Gerry Conway
Pencils - Don Newton
Inks - Steve Mitchell
Letters - Ben Oda
Colors - Adrienne Roy
Edits - Dick Giordano
Cover Price: $0.50
I've been a little cranky lately... maybe I'm just starting to crack up? Anyhoo, rather than sticking with "current year" stuff, I'm going to run back to yesteryear to discuss something that hopefully won't cause me to question my fandom!
It's weird... for the first three 3-4 years of this blog's existence, the criticism that kept popping up was that I was a blind "DC fanboy"... I was too forgiving of them, I made excuses for them, I praised things that weren't worthy. Well, I think I can safely say that ship has finally sailed...
--
We open ten-months ago on an overpass of the Gotham River Parkway. A flaming car goes careening through a partition, and plummets down onto the street below. Batman swoops in to survey the damage. He manages to tear the white-hot door open, and retrieve the still-living driver. Upon setting her down to get a better look, it is clear that she is beyond badly burned. The rubberneckers that have gathered beg Batman to cover her mangled body.
The woman is loaded into an ambulance, and will most likely survive the ordeal. Then, the Fire Marshall shows up and chats Batman up while he's tinkering under the hood. Our man discovers fragments of a bomb... so, it looks as though this vehicle's inferno-end was premeditated. But why?
Before we get an answer, we're zipped back to the "present". Bruce is doing some dumbbell curls, and watching a news program... featuring a few stuffed-shirts talking smack about the Bat. One of these geeks is running for Mayor, and puts the blame squarely on Commissioner Gordon, who he'll demand a resignation from when he wins the election. Some nice "subplot bubbling" here! Almost forgot that writers used to actually think so far ahead!
Bruce hits the shower, then goes clubbing to keep up his playboy facade. Worth noting, he and his date decide to party at Studio-52. 52? There's that number again! Ya know, one of these days I'm going to try and compile a list of all of the pre-52 "52" mentions. I wonder if it's just a bit of confirmation bias, where the number "52" just stands out to me... or, if this "number fetish" was always there!
Anyhoo, inside, Bruce and his gal get comfortable. Bruce notices a bizarre woman enter the scene, and beeline it over to the famous designer Kevin Clane (oy). She confirms he is who she thinks he is... then, clutches him by the throat and hoists him out of his seat! Bruce, uncharacteristically (hey, he's not in costume), attempts to intervene, only to be swatted away!
She continues to grip Mr. Clane's throat... before ultimately snapping it! She dumps the body to the floor, and nonchalantly exits the club.
Bruce ducks out of the place to change clothes. He is quick enough to confront the "femme fatale" before she can split the scene. He attempts to abduct the killer, but gets socked in the mush for his troubles.
She then... removes her fleshy disguise, revealing herself to be (as if the cover didn't already tell us)... not unlike a living manikin! I'm getting weird Shaye Saint John vibes here! She pummels the befuddled Bat for a bit, before this fella in a cap wrangles her into her car... leaving her "human suit" behind.
Batman collects her clothes, and decides to check in with his favorite fashionista... Catwoman. He gives Selina her outfit, and asks is she's seen this style of dress before. In fact, she has... the only difference is the fact that the Manikin's jacket had it's designer's label removed. She reveals an identical jacket in her closet... with a "Hoston" label sewn in.
And so, fearing he might be the Manikin's next target, Batman decides to check in with Mr. Hoston. The hoity designer dismisses Batman's concerns... which, we in the biz call "famous last words". No sooner does he p'shaw the deal than a firebomb is launched into his office! This goof seems to be more worried about his fabrics than his life... but, Batman is able to get him back "on task".
Batman wraps Hoston in his cape and bursts through a glass door into the "showroom" to escape the inferno. Unfortunately, the entire building has been locked down with magnetic locks... so, at this point... it looks as though they won't be getting out.
Now, this showroom is full of sharply-dressed mannequins. As Batman weaves through 'em... he hears the familiar voice of... the Manikin. He knows one of these "dolls" is actually her... but which? This is a very well done and wildly creepy scene.
Batman finds one mannequin that stands out... and, sure it's his baddie, he lunges at it. Wrong-o, Bats. After knocking the actual doll to the floor, another wallops him with a weighted golf-club!
This is, of course, the Manikin! She and Batman fight... while smoke and flame fills the showroom. Under a thick layer of black smoke, the warriors strike at one another. From the sooty facade, exits a single figure... the Manikin... and she now has her sights on Hoston.
--
Y'ever find a back issue in a, like, really grimy bin? Like a longbox that probably hasn't been gone through in years... and, you find this book you wanna buy, you pick it up... and, you can feel decades worth of "grit" on it? That's this issue for me. Every single page of this thing feels like it has a thin layer of sawdust coating it... I feel like I could shake this thing by the staples, and build a sizable sandcastle with all the "grit" that falls out. In fact, I've had to wash my hands a half dozen times up to this point, because it just felt so gross. Was the story worth the gritty struggle?
Well, yeah! I had a really good time with this one! It was an excellent issue! Creepy story, formidable foe... subplots... awesome art. I mean, what more could ya ask for? Really can't say enough good about it! I tell ya what, the bit with Batman walking among the mannequins might be one of the best designed/directed/drawn scenes I've seen in comics in quite some time! The tension was real... and, you know I'm not one for "live-action" (or even animated) adaptations... but, this is one scene I'd love to see "come alive".
Actually, my only "complaint" would be that I don't think I own the next issue! Hopefully once the world returns to normal, I can track it down so we can finish this one up!
I mentioned that our Manikin gave me Shaye Saint John vibes. If you're unaware of who/what "Shaye" is... well, Google at your own risk, it can be the stuff of "nightmare fuel". Very creepy stuff... that I ain't gonna link to! "Shaye" was the star of some experimental short-films (called "Triggers") created by a fella named Eric Fournier. The story has to do with a fashion model who was in a horrible car accident, which cost her most of her limbs. After "recovering", she put herself back together with mannequin parts. It might be even weirder than it sounds. In fact, over the past decade-plus, a lot of folks would refer to these films as "dark/deep-web" stuff. It's not anything quite that sinister, but it's easy to see why people felt that way. If you're interested, info on Shaye/Eric is pretty easy to find online, there are a bunch of vids on YouTube (including the episode of Unboxed, Watched, and Reviewed where I learned about it!). Last I heard the "official site" is bogged down with malware, so whatever you do, don't click on that one.
Oh, worth noting, there was a Batgirl back-up included in this one, but I decided not to include it. Gave it a flip-thru, figure maybe one'a these days I'll pop it in as an "Action-Plus".
--
Letters Page:
--
Interesting Ads:
Dear Justice League (FCBD) #1 (May, 2019)
"Dear Superman"
"Dear Hawkgirl"
Story - Michael Northrop
Art - Gustavo Duarte
Colors - Marcelo Maiolo
Letters - Wes Abbott
Cover Price: FREE
After the absolute slog that was this past week's coverage of Flash Forward, I decided to follow-up with something just a bit "lighter".
You might notice that this is a Free Comic Book Day book... and, if you've followed my work for any amount of time, you might already have an idea how I feel about Free Comic Book Day. It's a nice concept... with often lousy execution. We'll talk more about that below the dashes... but, for now, I'll give DC Comics a thumbs up for knowing the temperature of the average FCBD "consumer".
Let's do it.
--
Our first story is called "Dear Superman", and... well, features some kid texting Superman. That's what kids do nowadays right? You know what they say, "kids be textin'!"... or, something... how the hell would I know? Anyhoo, this kid has made a real mess of things... looks like he's destroyed a lawnmower, a sprinkler, and somehow got himself covered in light blue paint (unless that's supposed to be water). Whatever the case, he's really interested to learn if even the Man of Steel might've made a mistake or two in his life.
Superman gets the text... and, sorta "p'shaws" it away. I mean, Superman, mess something up? Never! Naturally, he immediately flies headfirst into a building. Err, make that "back-first"... though, you really gotta be trying to mess up that badly.
Anyhoo, ramming the building causes a window-washer on the other side of the building to come loose... and so, Superman now has to save a fella he put into danger through his own lack of attention. He saves the dude... but, unfortunately, he neglects to snag the vindow-viper's bucket'a water.
The bucket narrowly misses a snobby-looking woman... who, startled by the nearby splash, walks right into this other pedestrian... nearly knocking him right into the middle of the street.
The fella manages to catch his bearings... but then, trips over an inconvenient #2 Pencil that just so happens to be laying in the gutta'! C'mon, that's not Superman's fault, is it? The poor dude falls squarely on his butt.
A bicyclist narrowly misses the man, but swerves right into the path of an oncoming truck! The hell? This is getting a li'l bit darker than I thought. Thankfully (for him) Superman managed to swoop in just in the nick of time.
Unfortunately for another Metropolitan, the wheel from his bike went "brong!" "brong!" "brong!", bouncing right into her direction. Ya see, she's a dog-walker, and is... well, walking dogs. She's also picking up after dogs, ya see... cuz, kids these days seem to be really big fans of poop.
This rogue bike wheel hits her with such force... it might've just impregnated her. I mean, that was a direct shot.
The poop goes flying (remember, kids love poop!), the dogs go runnin'... and wouldn'tcha know it, a cat just so happens to be running by! Superman manages to wrangle up the dogs, and return them to their now-aching walker.
The cat, however, continues its reign of terror across Metropolis... and, mercifully, the creators use short-hand to illustrate this path of rage.
We wrap up with Superman getting a ticket for "texting while flying" (nyuk, nyuk, nyuk), and finally responding to the kid from the beginning with the admission that, yeah... even Superman messes up every now and again.
Our second story in this little preview edition is "Dear Hawkgirl".
It opens with Kendra returning back to the Hall of Justice after a successful mission. After greeting Cyborg and making her way through the JLA's retina-scan, she retires to her room to go online for a little (er, long) while. Worth noting, there appears to be a bit of a Mo Willems Pigeon homage on her wall here, which is pretty neat.
After several hours of surfin', she finally checks her e-mail... and, what she finds is a doozy of an awkwardly-worded question. Young (I assume/hope) Haley Lu comments that Hawks EAT small mammals, and asks if Hawkgirl does to. Kendra instinctively peers over at her hamster cage...
... she gets up from her seat, and slowly walks over to her pet... and it looks like she's really considering taking a bite. Nahhhh... It's all a swerve (bro), she's just heading over to FEED her hamster, not feed ON it.
She hops back on her laptop and answers the electronic missive. She doesn't EAT small mammals... she FEEDS them! I have a sneaking suspicion she's just fattening the little beastie up though.
--
Alrighty, during the pre-ramble I gave DC Comics a big ol' "thumbs up" for putting this out as part of their Free Comic Book Day offerings. Now, that doesn't mean I liked this... or even thought it was all that good. It's just an acknowledgement that DC Comics knows how to use FCBD efficiently. They know that most of the people who dare to darken the doorway of a comic shop that one Saturday in May will either a) never come back, or b) only come back the next time the day starts with the word "Free". For the most part, these are not people who will return week after week for another "fix". They're in the store so they can take a picture, hashtag it, and get a half-dozen likes on their Instagram Page because "lol, so nerdy".
I guess what I'm trying to say here is, Free Comic Book Day is a wasted effort, folks. The Big Companies know this... which is why their offerings over the past several years have been trash. Barely anybody's bringing their A-Game for a freebie that will most likely wind up laying on the floorboard of the car until you remember to throw it out. At least with something like this, a parent/grandparent might see it, and then go to an actual bookstore (or, if we're being realistic, Amazon) to buy their child this "age-appropriate" graphic novel... which the child will likely look at once.
Does this help comics retail... or the industry at large? Hell no. It's not breeding "life long" fans... or, heck, even short-term ones! It's a way of selling one book, one time... to people who have zero interest in comic books (and likely never will). It's not like DC (or any of the big companies) really need to appeal to or entice us to make an extra trip to the shop... we're already there anyway. Again though... thumbs up for not just handing out a twice-out-of-continuity reprint of something with Harley Quinn on the cover! Because those help NOBODY.
As for the stories we looked at here... they're cute. I'm not going to go into any sort of analytical detail, because... I'm a forty-year old idiot, these weren't written for me. All I'll say is they're something I'd imagine a first or second-grader might find humorous... nothing wrong with that. However...
If we look at the full-page ad for the full-size Dear Justice League (included below), you can see that this is advertised as "A new middle grade graphic novel"... I think we're really selling many "Middle Graders" short with stuff like this. A quick search of the ol' internet tells me that "Middle Grade" usually refers to like 4th through 8th grade. Thinking back to my own "middle grade" years (and, yeah this is just me being "anecdotal")... Superman died, Batman was broken, Venom was routinely doing horrible stuff to Spider-Man... warts and all, comics didn't talk to you like you were an idiot.
I was reading about Doomsday and Superman fighting across the country back in 1992... a kid that same age today is reading about Hawkgirl giving "nom noms" to her pet hamster? Back then, Bane was running Batman through a hellish gauntlet, that ended with him snapping the Bat's Back across his knee. A kid that same age today is giggling as a pooper scooper... full'a poop... goes flying?
I guess I shouldn't really comment... I'm not a 2020 kid... but, boy howdy, am I happy I grew up when I did! Then again, if I grew up nowadays I definitely wouldn't have this crushing comics habit... so ya take the good, ya take the bad.
Interesting Ads:
Flash Forward #6 (April, 2020)
"Chapter Six: Nothing Ever Ends"
Script - Scott Lobdell
Pencils - Brett Booth
Inks - Norm Rapmund
Colors - Luis Guerrero
Letters - ALW's Troy Peteri
Associate Edits - Ben Meares
Edits - Paul Kaminski
Group Edits - Ben Abernathy
We've finally made it. Welcome to the end of, what has surprisingly been probably the most soul-sapping week ever at Chris is on Infinite Earths. Gotta say, I really wasn't expecting this series to affect me quite like this. Hell, I didn't think I'd ever even look at issues #2-6!
I don't think there's ever been a series of comics that caused me to reflect so hard on my comics fandom/habit... I'm actually to the point where I'm not sure I have anything left to say about DC Comics!
Anyhoo, before I rattle off into a 45-minute pre-ramble, let's get past the dashes and into the book. Again, no Snickers ad... but, if you enjoyed DC's dollar-store Young Adult books yesterday, we've got a couple more for ya today!
Oh, my descent into madness will be documented on the Collected Editions Page if you're interested in seeing it all unfold "in real time"!
Also, it's Easter Sunday... so, Happy Hoppy, Gang!
--
We open on that doomed planet of Wally West's creation. He and his kids are sharing a "meal" of S'mores... which, might be touching... if only we haven't had it beaten into our heads for the past decade that this relationship doesn't matter. They have the sorts of chats kids have with their dads... before the tickle-monster shows up once again. The Last Supper is interrupted by the arrival of... the Mobius Chair.
Elsewhere, Tempus Fuginaut... pontificates. I mean, who thought this character was a good idea? His design sucks, he's boring... and doesn't DC already have enough of this sort of character? I'm not even going to waste my time snapping a picture of this guy here. Instead, we'll rejoin the Wests as they're setting up camp for the night. After the kids fall asleep, Wally exits the tent and looks at the Mobius Chair.
Tempus arrives to, once again, instill in Wally the importance of "letting go" of this planet... as in, ya know... destroying the thing. Also, taking his rightful seat in the Mobius Chair... for, reasons? Ya see, once Wally sits down, he'll be made like hyper-conscious... his head will be full of so much information, he'll forget all about Linda and the children... there simply won't be any room left in his brain for them! So... a Wally sorta-kinda Lobotomy... that's what we've all been begging for, right?! All us Wally fans just wanna see him as an empty-husk!
Wally agrees to do the thing... but first, insists that Tempus return Jai and Iris back to Linda. Tempus agrees. We then learn that the "Tempus Rod" Wally's been carrying around with him to beat back the darkness was... powerless, ya see... the power was always inside of him! Aw. Good thing we're just about to ruin the character forever, innit?
And then... just as Wally's about to accept his fate... the kids wake up! They go to run toward their dad... but, Tempus' giant mitt grabs them before they can get close enough.
Then... Wally sits in the chair, and his costume turns blue.
We get several (too many) pages of swirly cosmos stuff while Tempus and the tots look on. Then, *poof*... we're on Earth-0... which is to say, the real DC Earth. Ya know, the post-Crisis/pre-Flashpoint one. There, Linda Park (not Linda West?) is on the phone with her producer, when suddenly... memories come flooding back to her. She remembers Wally and the kids... and, looking out her window, she sees those kids come home. They embrace... which, again... would be touching, if I had any confidence that we'd ever see these characters again.
We rejoin Wally... and his baby-blue narration, as he says... "We are Wally West", before quickly correcting himself with, "We were Wally West"............... annnnnnd, screw this.
Oh, and we wrap up with the revelation that not-Wally now has the... Doctor Manhattan symbol on his forehead! Oooh, Watchmen stuff... c'mon gang, let's all forget the fact that DC already crapped the bed on all'at and squeeeeeeee! Screw this book.
--
There we have it. One man's descent into comic book madness... where I came out the other end so disgusted and disinterested, I don't even think I need to bother with the Kubler-Ross stages of grief. DC Comics did it... they made me stop caring. With one fell swoop, I feel like I now have no more reason to continue supporting them.
Really... is it any wonder comic shops are hurting so bad these days? If this is the kind of bullcrap the big two are going to peddle? Who is this story for? Is it just for the people who constantly give Tom King "10 out of 10" reviews (while further rendering words like "genius" and "brilliant" absolutely meaningless) so he retweets them on Twitter? Is it just for Dan Didio himself? I can't imagine any actual Flash fans reading this, and coming away from it full of hope for the future of these characters.
Ya see, we've all been there for "big changes" to our favorite characters. We've seen Superman go electric-blue, Wolverine had his Adamantium skeleton forcibly sucked out, Batman's been broken, Hal Jordan lost his damned mind... but, with characters like that... ya know, the "money" ones... it's never in doubt that the "status quo" will eventually return. With Wally West though? DC have already shown us that they find this character to be nothing more than a "problem" needing to be solved.
There's a pattern of behavior here... and, I'm not confident we'll ever see a return to old Wally. There are a number of reasons for that. First, DC just isn't interested... and would rather further legitimize That B*tch Heroes in Crisis than actually protect the integrity their characters. Second, I'm honestly not sure this industry (print comics, that is) has quite enough time left in it to correct course. Right now, DC is far more interested in the little lightning bolt logo on the Flash's costume, than whoever might be under the mask.
Oh! I should probably talk about the issue, right? It wasn't great. In fact, this entire miniseries could have been told (if indeed it had to be), in one over-sized special, rather than eating up six-full issues (and a half-year of readers' time). Nothing that happened in the first-half of this series mattered. A waste in every way possible. Can't (and won't) lay the blame on Lobdell or Booth though... they did their best with what they were given.
Anyhoo... with all that doom and gloom spouted... I apologize if this week of coverage has been a bit "heavier" than my usual fare here. Thanks for reading... I'll see ya 'round!
--
Interesting Ads:
Flash Forward #5 (March, 2020)
"Chapter Five: Reunion"
Script - Scott Lobdell
Pencils - Brett Booth
Inks - Norm Rapmund
Colors - Luis Guerrero
Letters - ALW's Troy Peteri
Associate Edits - Ben Meares
Edits - Paul Kaminski
Group Edits - Ben Abernathy
Cover Price: $3.99
It's penultimate issue time... and, woof. What started out as a cathartic experience for me has devolved into nothing but pain and regret. Oh boy, just one day left!
Oh! No Snickers ad this time out... but we do have plenty of dollar-store looking DC young adult graphic novels!
--
Did you know that Wally West received his powers in a very similar fashion as Barry Allen? Well, if you didn't before... the opening splash page here will give you the goods! Yes, the entire first page is wasted on an image of Wally getting smothered in electrified chemicals. Then, we jump to a two-page spread of Tempus Fuginaut walking us through all of Wally's histories... a page that normally would get me pretty excited... but, today? Ehh. The camera pans out, and we see that Tempus is sitting in proximity to... the Mobius Chair!
Back at the Cusp of the Multiverse, or whatever, Wally and the Kids see that they're about to be overtaken by a wave of the Dark Multiversal Matter. Jai and Iris insist that their daddy leave them there, but Wally ain't havin' it. Before we know it, the tots are dressed in their superhero togs... and they're makin' like the wind. Worth noting, Irie's outfit is basically Impulse's... that's because, before DC decided to flush their continuity in 2011... and also, before they wanted an "All-New, All-Different" Wally West to play Kid Flash, and finally before Bendis actually read a DC book (after they were paying him to) and found Bart Allen "bwah-ha-ha, funny"... li'l Iris was going to go by the moniker.
While they run, Wally is flashed back to the "beginning"... he and Linda are spooning in bed... and the babies are having trouble getting to sleep. Wally heads over to the crib to pick up Irie, and promises that he'll always be there for her. This would be touching if I felt, for even a second, that this was worth investing any emotion into.
Then... same as it ever was, Wally is spat out of his fantasy. He finds himself at the foot of Fuginaut. The giant Tempus informs him that he must destroy the planet on which his children currently reside. Frustrated by this entire endeavor (glad I'm not the only one), our man attacks the stupid golden geek.
Dark Multiversal Matter surrounds the entire planetoid... and so, Wally zig-zags all over the orb with his Tempus Rod trying to beat back the darkness.
He runs himself silly... but, it's of no use. Wally is stopped hard by a strange force... and when he regains his bearings, realizes he is stood before... the Mobius Chair.
Wanting some answers, Wally approaches the seat... in another two-page spread. I'm tellin' ya, if comic fans are cool with this, I don't wanna hear anybody complaining about the "Image Guys" pin-up page-wasters anymore.
Then... Wally knows everything he needs to know. He doesn't share anything with us yet... but, he has reached a level of self-awareness... in another, nearly full-page splash.
We wrap up with Tempus telling Wally that he didn't learn anything he didn't already know... he was just choosing not to accept it. We learn that Wally was responsible for the creation of the planet where Jai and Irie have been... and that's why he's the only one who can destroy it. Wally refuses... and, mercifully, the chapter ends.
--
You win, DC Comics! Through your inability to tell a story and seeming determination to tear down everything that made your brand special... you've made me stop caring! I mean, look at that opening bit... with all the Wally histories... normally, that would've (in wrestling-fandom parlance) "popped" me huge! I'd have been so psyched to see something like that. Now, though? I feel like all of my caring has been beaten out of me. Why should I be invested in any amount of history, when DC Comics (and its "architects") are so insistent on hand-waving as much of it away as possible?
The story presented in this issue ought to be one of great trauma and urgency... it's a father desperately trying to save his children. He's willing to do anything and everything to ensure their safety and survival... annnnnd, in my opinion, it misses the mark horribly. There are no stakes here... because... check this out, DC... you've spent the past five years showing us that Wally's "reality" was nebulous at best. Why should we now mourn something that we've been told, in not so many words, not to count on ever coming to pass? The people who care about Wally... we mourned the loss of his reality nearly a decade ago. Then... again when you crammed that other Wally West down our throats. Then... a third time when you brought an incomplete version of the real-deal back in Rebirth. Then... a fourth time during That B*tch Heroes in Crisis. There's only so many times I'm going to touch the hot stove before I realize that a) it hurts, and b) I probably ought to stop. I might be denser than most, but... eventually even we addicts come to the realization that there must be a better way.
In closing, I think Wally himself put it best when he said...
--
Interesting Ads:
