Chris and Reggie's Cosmic Treadmill, Episode #138 Action #37 (October 23, 1976) By Pat Mills, John Wagner, & Steve McManus IPC Media Cover Price: 7p The mornings around here have become this strange game of me opening a blank blog post and trying to "batch upload" pictures... just to see if any of my Blogger-worries have been assuaged. Welp... it's one'a those good news, bad news situations. I can, in fact, batch-upload... it's just that the images don't exactly stay uploaded. As soon as I set one image where I want it... the rest of them disappear completely. I know I must sound like a broken-record after a week of these "updates", but... this is Google, right? I mean, they are a pretty big company, no? Oh well... I suppose this just gives me another excuse to reminisce. And so, today I'll share the story of Cosmic Treadmill... After Dark.
Looking back, there were so many "evergreen" discussions I would have with Reggie. Topics that could (and would) come up many times that we'd talk. It was always like, when these topics would come up, that we were building on/continuing everything we said before. I mean, that's not unique to us... that's just how friends communicate. What is (somewhat) unique to us, is... sometimes, we'd be talking into live-mics when we did.
X-Factor #71 (October, 1991) "Cutting the Mustard" Writer - Peter David Pencils - Larry Stroman Inks - Al Milgrom Letters - Michael Heisler Colors - Glynis Oliver Editor - Bob Harras Chief - Tom DeFalco Cover Price: $1.00 Blogger's still being precious... don't worry though, Blogger support doesn't care a bit, so it's probably all in my head! "Leave Feedback" they say (they being the "lookitme, lookitme" white-knights in the support forums - they really need that pat on the head from Daddy Google!)... I'd get further asking my dog for programming help. Hell, at least that way, I'd get a response of some sort. If I wasn't so scared of losing the million-plus words I've written here over the past four and a half years, I'd be jumping ship PDQ. Anyhoo... let's meet the all-new, all-different (as of 1991) X-Factor. --
We open with Lila Cheney's bodyguard, Guido Carosella asking Lorna Dane if she happens to have any Grey Poupon. Now, that's kind of a dated reference... so, a teeny bit of context. Ya see, back in the early 90's, there were these commercials for Grey Poupon Mustard... featuring very classy individuals in fancy cars eating, ya know, things that go well with mustard. One would pull up to another, roll down their window and inquire whether or not the other had any. The answer would always come back, "but of course". Here, have a look for yourself:
Lorna too replies "of course", because ya see... X-Factor has everything... including some of the tallest ceilings you'll ever hope to find anywhere. Guido gets the mustard and positively slathers it all over a split loaf of Italian bread. At the end of the table, Jamie Madrox struggles getting the lid off a jar of mayonnaise... lotsa condiment humor here.
Lorna and Guido discuss the possibility of Alex Summers joining up with this All-New, All-Different X-Factor... with the former having a bit of dilemma considering her personal history with Havok. Meanwhile, Madrox continues to fiddle with the mayo jar. He can't open the thing... even with the help of a dupe. Guido and Lorna are also unsuccessful in their attempts.
We shift scenes over to Genosha, where Alex is acting as a sort of foreman for the post-X-Tinction Agenda rebuild. Government liaison, Val Cooper is trying to convince him to sign on with X-Factor... but, Al ain't feelin' it.
Suddenly an I-Beam snaps from its supports and plummets toward Val and Al. Alex plows the thing with an energy blast, just as Rahne Sinclair leaps onto the scene pushing the other Summers out of the way. Val doesn't even flinch... she wasn't scared in the slightest, knowing Alex would protect her.
Back in Washington, D.C. Quicksilver arrives, with the only Inhuman anyone ever cared about, Lockjaw in tow. He's there to meet with X-Factor, but finds himself in the middle of an anti-Roxxon demonstration. One of the protesters proclaims that Roxxon is "raping the environment". Not used to seeing that word in an early-90's superhero comic!
Quicksilver is informed that there's a bomb about to go off... and so, he rushes into action to take care of it. He uses his speed to find and deactivate the boom-box.
Back in Genosha, Alex, Rahne, and Val are chatting about what X-Factor can offer. Alex is steadfast in his refusal... which prompts the arrival of Professor X and Cyclops to try and convince him. Wonder if Charlie's gonna use the ol' Mind-Wipe? Nah, they're just going to tell him that Lorna's already signed on.
Speaking of Lorna, back in D.C. she answers a knock at the door. It's Quicksilver, who's finally found his way over... looking much worse for wear. Once inside the high-ceilinged room, he faints straight away. Guido carries him over to the couch.
Some time passes, and we get a gag about the Inhumans convincing Ben Grimm that Lockjaw was a humanoid that became a dog instead've just being a dog. Ehh, even with their jokes, the Inhumans are a complete bore. We also learn here that something has happened to Pietro's powers... every time he uses them, his metabolism accelerates his aging. So, in essence, his powers are killing him.
We rejoin the Genoshan contingent as they're flying back toward the States. On board, we learn that Val Cooper has a brother who's in the F.B.I. At present, he's working on a case regarding a girl who was found... dead, wrapped in plastic. Hmm... I'm sure the first time I read this, I totally missed the Twin Peaks reference.
Quicksilver continues his tale of woe... he learned via a postcard that somebody in the Washington, D.C. area is responsible for his accelerated aging. Just then, Havok and Wolfsbane arrive and announce that they're joining the team. Alex and Lorna have a nice little reunion... much to Rahne's dismay. Ya see, Rahne's recently gone through some stuff... and found herself emotionally attached to Alex. We'll be dealing with that until issue #100.
Alex also gives opening the mayo jar a shot... and is just as unsuccessful as the rest. Finally, Val gives it a wap on the edge of the table and easily unscrews the lid. The mayo, it's worth noting, looks pretty disgusting.
That night, we learn that Jamie Madrox's mayo jar was a gimmick he invented back on Muir Island. Why? Who knows. Anyhoo, as he's in the middle of congratulating himself, there's a knocking at his door. He answers it... and is positively riddled with bullets!
Jamie is blown back by the shots... and crashes through a window! He falls a few floors, and our issue ends with him laying lifeless and smoking.
-- It's weird... X-Factor was definitely something of an outlier back in the long ago. It didn't feel like the other (three main) X-Books... it also didn't look much like 'em! I remember thinking there was "too much talking" in this issue... as well as hating the art back in the day. Strange that, near thirty-years later, it feels like this one might've "aged" the best! I'd come around to Peter David pretty quick... in fact, by the time X-Cutioner's Song was over, he was one of my favorite writers. Heck, he was one of the first writers (not named Pini) I bothered to actually make a mental note of. After that switch flipped, returning to these early new-look X-Factor issues was a treat. Stroman, however, took me a bit longer to really glom onto. I compare his place in the X-Books to Jon Bogdanove on the Superman books. It's a bit abstract, looks nothing like it's cohort-books, and might initially stand out as being, I dunno, maybe "off-putting"? But... all these years removed, it stands out as being more timeless, than anything... ya know? This doesn't "scream" 1991 like a Lee, Liefeld, or Portacio... at least it doesn't to me. I think that really helped this run feel "fresher" than the rest. Not that I don't love the contemporary X-Books... because, I do. But, this one's... just a little bit different. It's that one main-line X-Book from the 90's that folks online won't give you a judgy eyebrow-raise for reading.
As far as this issue is concerned... it was pretty good. I don't think it hits its stride for a few issues, but we gotta start somewhere. The mayonnaise jar running gag... ehhh. Probably not my favorite thing in the world. I enjoyed seeing Alex and Lorna reconnect... though, that'll become more of a "thing" as we move along. Reading this again after many, many years... I was delighted to catch the Twin Peaks reference. Asamattafact, as I'm writing this... we were supposed to be taking our annual trip up to the Salish (Great Northern) Lodge in Snoqualmie, Washington for our Anniversary. If the world hadn't come screeching to a halt a few months back, I'd be having my annual "girly drink" by the waterfall tonight. Oh well. We'll get back up there eventually. Think that's all for today. Sorry if my analysis was less "on-point"... just alt-tabbing between windows wrestling with damned (non-existent) Blogger support... and these ridiculous "Notice Me, Senpai" Google fanatics, relentlessly trying to shift the blame to the user. -- Letters Page:
X-Force #1 (August, 1991) "A Force to be Reckoned With" By Rob Liefeld, except for... Words - Fabian Nicieza Letters - Chris Elipoulos Colors - Brad Vancata Editor - Bob Harras Chief - Tom DeFalco Cover Price: $1.50 Alrighty, two things before we start today. First, Blogger still sucks... but, I suppose that's not really "news". Second, and most important, as of yesterday we're officially back in the studio putting together the third episode of From Claremont to Claremont: An X-Men Podcast. From the feel of it, this episode could easily be fifteen-hours long... lots of conversation, a few "side books" are part of this go-round, and I think I've come up with a pretty fun "hook" for the co-hosts to have a good time with. I'm hoping to have it done by the first Saturday of July... but, really, it won't be the end of the world if it doesn't quite hit that target. That said, since a) Blogger sucks and won't let me upload images, and b) I'm in an FCTC kind of mood... I'm going to revisit something I put together for the first episode of the show... a look into the first issue of X-Force. You're welcome... and I'm sorry. --
We open in Antarctica, where our new team is in hot pursuit of the Mutant Liberation Front. Upon realization that the MLF base is right underfoot, the New Teen Titans X-Force bursts in to proactively take the fight to the baddies. Ya see, that's what X-Force is all about: being proactive... at least this early on. The team has a real "take no prisoners" approach, and we look on while Cable, Cannonball, Warpath, Boom Boom, Domino, Shatterstar, and Feral beat up some generic bad guys. Before long, some... er, "name" (or, at the very least "named") villains show up. It's Forearm, Kamikaze, Wildside, and Reaper. Woof.
It's established pretty quickly here that X-Force ain't nothin' to mess around with. Shatterstar squares off with Reaper... and, get this... cuts his left-hand clean off!
Cable (somehow) gets attacked from behind by Forearm. I thought X-Force were being attacked from the front... but, whattayagonnado? Maybe the characters in the book were just as bamboozled by the bad perspective and anatomy as the readers are? Whatever the case, Forearm's got Cable in a bear-hug, which gives Warpath the opportunity to make the save.
As all this is going on, we check in with Cable's target... the man called Stryfe. We also have to turn the book sideways to fully appreciate this two-page spread. Stryfe informs... Thumbelina that it's time for them to bug out, and instructs his diminutive assistant to contact the one called Zero.
Back at the battle, Feral faces off with Wildside... probably because they have the same hairstylist. I mean, seriously, they have the exact same haircut... even down to the weird curly bang-whisps! Feral reaches into Wildside's mouth and snaps his jaw. Ya see? Ya see? X-Force doesn't screw around!
Cable calls Feral off before she can kill the MLFer (X-Forcers can only kill in self-defense... not for sport!)... to which, she suggests... if they let him get away, he might just be the one who nails them in the end. Ya know, that's not the worst argument.
Just then, Zero pops onto the scene... soon joined by Stryfe. Cable empties his laser blaster pistol thingie in the bad guy's direction... which makes me wonder why (and when) he put down his over-sized Liefeldian super-rifle. Zero opens a portal and Stryfe slips through... however, not before setting the entire joint to self-destruct.
Cable orders a "Bodyslide by Six", which blinks the the X-Forcers out to their escape craft. On the flight home, they discuss the skirmish they had just survived... Tabitha seems more preoccupied with how fashionable their outfits are.
We shift scenes to some office building... probably in New York City. Here, Sunspot and friggin' Gideon are "training" for their next corporate raid. I don't think they fully grasp how corporate raids go, but whatever. Gideon appears to have taken a mentor role in Roberto's life... hopefully, that doesn't include hairstyling tips, because... yeesh, Gideon's hair has mystified me for thirty-years now! It never looks the same! Sometimes there's this weird mullet below his weird ponytail... sometimes it's gone... it's just all-around unpleasant to look at. Which, I suppose, makes it a pretty good fit for this book! Anyhoo, they've got a meeting at the World Trade Center... which we'll be getting to in a bit.
Back in Antarctica we meet... oh boy, G.W. Bridge. He's a S.H.I.E.L.D. guy (or at least S.H.I.E.L.D.-adjacent) and he's trying to track down... and bring down Cable. He looks kind of like when you twist an action-figure at it's torso, so it's butt is in the front? I mean, he's just a complete mess of a visual. He informs an underdressed-underling to contact Nick Fury about the Cable sitch.
Speaking of Cable, we rejoin him at X-Force's base in the Adirondack Mountains in Upstate New York. He's performing some maintenance on their jet when he's approached by Cannonball. Sam chats him up a bit, trying to pry out any information about his past. Cable is a bit hesitant, but shares the story of a friend he'd lost to Stryfe and the Mutant Liberation Front. A man called Tyler... who was almost like a son to our man. Artwise, we get a very weird visual of Cable sitting on air while shooting his over-sized gun. The chat is interrupted by Domino, who informs Sam that he's late for some training.
Once Sam's out of sight, Cable starts using his telekinesis to quickly grab some tools and complete the repairs on the jet. Domino questions how much longer Nate's going to keep his powers a secret. Cable basically tells her not to worry about it.
We next shift scenes to the World Trade Center, where Sunspot and friggin' Gideon are about to pop in for a meeting. Once seated, they're introduced to another interested party in the corporate hoo-ha, a man by the name of Black Tom Cassidy! Lemme tell ya, Cassidy knows how to dress for success! Anyhoo, Berto instantly recognizes Tom as Banshee's evil cousin.
Tom sits at the conference table and informs everyone present that they are now his hostages. Hmm... maybe it's me that doesn't understand how corporate raids are done?
We wrap up back with ol' front-butt, who just cleared his Cable-quest with Colonel Nick Fury. After being given the "a-okay", Bridge suggests that it's time to call in... Weapon X!
-- Sometimes you just want a popcorn movie, right? I mean, this is a book that gets a lot of flack for being among the vaunted "worst comics evaaaaar", but... I gotta say, it's really not that bad. When I think of "worst ever" comics, those are stories I would never want to read no matter what my mood. Things like Superman: Grounded or Heroes in Crisis. There isn't a frame of mind I could possibly be in to make me want to read that garbage again. But, this? Yeah... I could totally see myself sitting down and having a good time with it. I read the first few issues of Youngblood every year (which, I suppose might say more about me than anything), so I can definitely appreciate "extreme" early 90's comics cheese. I think there are a lot of people who can... whether they'd actually admit to it online or not (gotta keep up appearances as a "comics scholar" on the Twitter, right?), is another story altogether. So, whatta we got here? It's sorta like the "Patient Zero" of Marvel Mutantdom in the 1990's. We've got angst, we've got violence, we've got horrendous hairstyles, weird armor, and odd articulation, we've got secrets... and a whole bunch of threats coming from all angles. Now some of the things that stand out to me from this issue (not including theNew Teen Titans swipe that opened the issue) were the mysteries surrounding Cable, and the "mission statement" of X-Force (as compared to the rest of the X-Family). Cable being shrouded in mystery from... well, just about every angle... really spoke to me as a fan of 90's comics. We didn't know Cable's origin, where he came from, who he was... heck, we didn't even know his powers at this point. This was like the "bread and butter" of 90's comics. These mysteries would bubble along, dropping a breadcrumb here and there to keep the readers interested and motivated to continue following along. Sure, this sort of thing quickly became overdone and incredibly "tropey". There were only so many times we could meet a brand-new character, who somehow had this elaborate history hanging out with all the coolest mutants. It's like, in order to legitimize the new characters, the writers had to slide in this bit about "Yeah, [new character] and Wolverine went on such-and-such a mission together that had a profound impact on both of their lives... only Wolverine never bothered to mention it to anybody yet." Still though, in small doses, I really dig it. Might be a case of "rose-colored glasses"... I dunno. The sort of speculation that would surround new characters was so much "richer" before the internet was mainstream. There were some crazy theories about new characters... I mean, Cable himself was assumed to be connected to Magneto, due to a) his hair color, and b) the fact that he TKed a wrench in this issue. Today, if there were any questions (well, if there were any new non-derivative characters introduced in mainstream comics anymore), some goofball would just relentlessly "tweet" at the writer... who would then give some chuckleheaded reply ruining the mystery for everyone. The X-Force "mission statement" was... nice while it lasted, I guess? Their whole gimmick was that they'd be the "proactive" X-Team... they wouldn't wait around for the bad guys to strike, and instead hit 'em head on. This doesn't last long... not far into the run, X-Force is rendered into "just another X-Team", reacting to the bad guys (usually while lamenting the fact that they're supposed to be the proactive team). Overall... this issue, well... it is what it is. You probably already know whether or not you like this one... it's Rob Liefeld at his Rob Liefeldiest, which for some might be a pro or con. It also might be a "private pro" and "public con"... remember, we gotta keep up appearances as sophisticated fans of serialized sequential art! I'd say, if it's been awhile since you last looked at this... maybe give it a peek... and, while it's cool to poke fun at it, maybe don't try so hard to hate it.
Chris and Reggie's Cosmic Treadmill, Episode #93 Kill Image #1 (1993) by Hart D. Fisher and Joe Duncan Boneyard Press Before getting into today's piece, I'd like to engage in my daily-kvetching over how awful Blogger (and Blogger Support) have been over the past few days. It's really one of those "good news, bad news" situations... where, there are a bunch of people making the exact same complaints as me... but, Blogger doesn't seem to care a whit. I'm also coming to learn that there are "blind" Blogger fans out there... it's just like comics (any fandom, I suppose!). They ignore very real problems, shift blame to the user, all in the hope that someone with a "blue check" next to their name gives 'em a thumbs up! It's pathetic. Anyhoo, let's talk about probably the episode of the Cosmic Treadmill I'm probably the most proud of: Our coverage of Hart Fisher's Kill Image.
Chris and Reggie's Cosmic Treadmill, Episode #137 Street Poet Ray #1 (1990) "The Word from the Street" By Michael Redmond and Junko Hosizawa Marvel Comics So, ninety-some-odd seconds after I clicked "New Post", Blogger finally decided to actually open one. They really want me to use their new version... even though that one's just as broken (if not moreso) as the "legacy" version! Also, it took me several browser restarts just to import the one image atop this post. Thanks Blogger! Well, maybe I shouldn't be so sarcastic. Maybe they're just looking out for us... because if this platform wasn't such trash, we'd still be looking at the Byrne/Mackie Reboot right now! Instead, let's get poetic!
Chris and Reggie's Cosmic Treadmill, Episode #143 Mary Worth: The Aldo Kelrast Saga (July 2 - October 20, 2006) by Karen Moy & Joe Giella King Features Syndicate Blogger is still giving me all sorts of grief when I try uploading pictures (or even when I'm just trying to open a new post... the very piece you're hopefully reading right now, took over thirty-seconds to actually open. Gotta wonder, am I the only person using this platform having these issues? Rather than attempt at continuing down the path of the Byrne/Mackie Spider-Man Reboot, I decided to share a more personal story today... and also plug a particular episode of the Cosmic Treadmill that is very special to me.
