Alpha Flight #101 (1991)

Alpha Flight #101 (October, 1991)
"Death and How to Live it"
Writer - Fabian Nicieza
Pencils - Tom Morgan
Inks - Chris Ivy
Letters - Janice Chiang
Colors - Bob Sharen
Editor - Bobbie Chase
Chief - Tom DeFalco
Cover Price: $1.50

While the "Gold Product Experts" at Google/Blogger continue to blame their users (while likely not being bloggers themselves) for the inability of this platform to properly upload images... we, stop... breathe... and revisit another synopsis that likely nobody has seen before.

We've looked at classic Alpha Flight here at the blog before... now, get ready for what happens when the Alphas meet the 1990's!

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Issue opens with Hercules delivering a wallop of a punch into Sasquatch's mush... which sends him flyin'!  Some of the other Avengers present (She-Hulk, Quasar), question the logic of using such aggression, to which it would seem Herc's just havin' a good time.  Sasquatch does not seem to share that opinion, and so he lunges at the Olympian... until Quasar interjects to separate them so that cooler heads might prevail... and they do!

We shift scenes to Greenwich Village, where Northstar, Northstar's Mullet, Sersi, and Vision are paying a visit to Doctor Strange's Sanctum Sanctorum in hopes that he might be able to assist in tracking down Jean-Paul's sister, Aurora (plus some other missing Alphans for good measure).  Wong greets them at the door, and allows them entry.

Doctor Strange appears... and, from the looks of it, just had a very unexpected accident in his pants.  I mean, dude looks absolutely freaked out here!  Northstar explains their situation... Aurora and some others vanished during a battle a few issues back, and he'd really like to know where they might've gone.

With a horribly pained look on his face, Stephen Strange contorts his body a bit in order to pontificate and begin his search of the Cosmos.  Before we know it, we're at the Interdimensional Crossroads of Time!  This sort of reminds me of the place the Sovereign Seven used to hang out.

Doc Strange begins floating... and allows the Eye of Agamotto to "pierce the dimensional veil" to locate the missing Baubier.

We shift scene to a cemetery in Ottawa, where Gene and Heather are visiting the comically over-sized grave-marker of James Hudson.  Puck almost looks like he's standing on the edge of a football field in comparison.  They lament the fact that Mac's recent "return" didn't turn out the way they'd hoped.

After Heather shares her feelings... in how this time, her losing Mac feels a lot different than the first time... the pair of Alphans are met by Kerry Patrick and Jeremy Clarke from Department H.  They express their condolences, and assure Heather that the Canadian government has Alpha Flight's back from this point on.

Speaking of Alpha Flight and Department H, we next pop over to Toronto to check in on some of the rest of the crew.  There, Madison Jeffries prepares Diamond Lil for a procedure involving a weird alien laser that might just be able to penetrate her diamond-hard skin in order to see if she has cancer.  Lil's a bit freaked out, but trusts enough in Box that she'll undergo the deal.  Turns out, it works!

We rejoin Sasquatch and the Avengers (also, Windshear and "Her")... where I guess whatever job they had to do is done?  Can't tell much from the art, so we'll just have to take Quasar's word for it.  As the heroes prepare to split, "Her" decides to take a tour of the planet.  Quasar offers her a chaperone any time she needs one.  Whatta dork.

Back at the Crossroads, Strange is... from the looks of it... laboring over a stool.  He reports that despite the Eye's best efforts, he cannot find Jeanne-Marie and the other Alphans.  All he is able to do is open some sort of "doorways"... which he, Northstar and Company can peer through... if they dare!

Vision wonders aloud if, by opening these "doorways", aren't they running the risk of unwanted guests escaping from them?  Well, before he can even finish the thought, that very thing happens!

A battle rages... for about two-pages, ending with Vision trapping the baddies in a bubble while Strange continues his psychic search for the missing Alphans.  Vision suggests Strange take a break... or perhaps even call it a day, but Stephen is steadfast in his resolve.  They've come too far to give up now.  Northstar agrees with Vision... and manages to get Strange to end the search... for now.

Northstar and the Crew are returned to the Sanctum Sanctorum, where plenty of "thanks anyways" are exchanged.  He then heads back to the Great White North for Mac's memorial ceremony.  Heather says a few words... drawing particular attention to the fact that Mac just wasn't all that great a superhero... but, dammit, he was her's... before leaving a single rose on his grave-marker.

We wrap up back at Department H where the results of Diamond Lil's biopsy are in!  She... does not have Cancer.  The team celebrates!

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Kind of a mixed bag, innit?  On just about every front.

Before we hop into the actual book, this was an issue we covered on From Claremont to Claremont... because, Alpha Flight is sorta/kinda an X-Men book.  Or, at the very least, X-Adjacent.  Before committing to the bit, I did ask around on the social medias to see what folks thought about Alpha Flight, and their association to the X-Books... and overwhelmingly, folks said - Yes, Alpha Flight is an X-Book.  Only a couple of people didn't think so.

I, personally, feel like Alpha Flight is definitely X-Adjacent enough to include.  Here's the thing that kind of set it (and a few of the books we covered in the first episode of FCTC) apart... whereas during "current year"/"current decade", when a line or family of books gets a "new direction" or some sort of "jumpstart" point, all of the books in the family/line get a big kick-off.

For the X-Books in particular, I'm thinking about things like Regenesis, or the still-ongoing Dawn of X - each of the titles involved get themselves a brand-new logo/branding... and the stories all go in new thematically similar direction.  Back in 1991, however, when the X-Books had arguably their biggest "shakeup", only the "core four" (Uncanny X-Men, X-Men (vol.2), X-Factor, X-Force) really felt those reverberations... at least that first month.

Just something that struck me as a bit weird when I was revisiting these books.  Alpha Flight would sort of shift into their "new direction" with the next issue... which, if I'm being honest, is a heckuva lot better than this one.

So, let's look at this one.  First, the good!  The Diamond Lil bits were pretty great.  I thought Fabian did a wonderful job with her and Madison.  It was the only part of this issue that really managed to hold my attention.  Their happy ending was especially nice.

Everything else?  Well, it's hard to really say it was "bad", per say... because so much of it was predicated on clearing the deck for the next writer (Scott Lobdell).  That clearing the deck even included the Diamond Lil subplot I liked so much... so, I guess I'm speaking out both sides here.

The Avengers showing up (back when this was a novelty... believe it or not, there was a time in Marvel Comics when the Avengers didn't show up every third page of every single book) was... ehh.  This isn't my favorite Avengers team.  This probably wasn't anybody's favorite... though, in the age of the "lol, random" internet, I'm sure it now has its fans for being so, well... random.

The fallout from Mac's return and redeath was okay.  Here's where I get a bit conflicted as a "reviewer".  I was a bit lost in the reread... and had to actually do a little bit of research about what had gone down in the issues preceding this.  That annoyed me... even though it probably shouldn't have.  I feel like I projected onto this issue that is should be a "jumping on point" in accordance with the rest of the X-Men line... so, I'm kinda blaming it for not being what I expected it to be... which really isn't fair.  Could it have been easier to follow for someone coming in "fresh"?  Sure.  Did it have to be?  Nah, not necessarily.

The Doctor Strange portion of this issue was also a bit baffling to me coming in (relatively) "fresh".  Again, not the fault of the issue... but, really didn't do much to inspire any interest or investment in the subplot.  Also, these are the scenes where the art really suffers.  This art isn't great to begin with, however, when Doc Strange is on panel... oof.  He makes plenty of "potty faces".  It's really disturbing.  Also, Northstar's mullet appears to be sentient... which ain't a good look.  It's hard to believe anyone ever thought it was.

Overall... yeah, it's kind of a mixed bag... but a decent enough "clearing the deck" for Scott Lobdell's impending arrival and slight shift in direction.  Mind you, this is several months before Lobdell (and this issue's very own Fabian Nicieza) became the driving force behind the X-Men family of books.

Is it worth a look?  Ehh, unless you're doing a "full read though" of this volume, it's probably not... 

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Letters Page:

Excalibur #42 (1991)

Excalibur #42 (October, 1991)
"a Hatch is Plotted"
Writer/Pencils - Alan Davis
Inks - Mark Farmer
Letters - Michael Heisler
Colors - Glynis Oliver
Editor - Terry Kavanagh
Chief - Tom DeFalco
Cover Price: $1.75

Welp, the grand Blogger experiment continues to underwhelm and annoy.  I had, what I felt to be, a very interesting piece in mind for today... but, still can't seem to batch-upload photos.  When I usually insert images, it's a process that takes about 1-2 minutes depending on how many images I'm inserting (usually between 20-30 per article).

With Nu-Blogger and broken-ass Old-Blogger, that process now takes over 10 minutes!  Which may not sound like all that much time, but... if you take into account that it takes me at least an hour and a half just to write each article here... those minutes really start to add up.

The Blogger Help forums are just as unhelpful as usual.  Folks with this same problem are being drowned out by user-blaming Google-homers looking to have their loyal heads patted by "Top Commenters" with little gold stars next to their names.  I wonder if Tom King is a "Top Commenter"...

Anyhoo... I will continue to work at this, but as not to leave us in the lurch today, we'll be looking at an issue of Excalibur we covered on From Claremont to Claremont.

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We open at the headquarters of TechNet, where Gatecrasher is giddily announcing that something is alive.  The rest of the team isn't quite sure what she's going on about... and are pretty sure she's just lost her mind.  She assures them that's not the case, and produces the answer to all of their Excalibur-related problems (Phoenix in particular)... an egg?

Speaking of Excalibur, we shift scenes over to the lighthouse, where breakfast is underway.  The radio is on, and from it we can hear a news reporter discussing Excalibur's latest adventure.  He suggests that the team ought to be honored by the Queen... which Nightcrawler ain't really feelin'.  He thinks the media, and one reporter in specific, is just leeching off of their heroic feats.

As Meggan gets ready to prepare an egg for Kurt (perhaps just to give him something to occupy his mouth), one flies out of the carton... and ping-pongs all over the kitchen, before settling on the table... and cracking!

What emerges from the egg is... the terrifying, horrifying, genociding: Hawd-Boiled Henwy!  He threatens the team that they're about to meet their doom!  Gotta assume this li'l fella was inspired, at least a little bit, by the Looney Tunes pain-in-the-ass, Henery Hawk.  Considewing da speech impediment, he's puhhaps an amowgamation of Henery and Tweety Bird.

As Henwy continues with the threatening remarks... a clock begins to tick on his bulbous yellow noggin.  This ain't no ordinary bird...

... it's a bomb!  With a THOOM, the roof of the Lighthouse is blown to smithereens.  Across the sea, TechNet celebrates finally having bested the Exy's!

The baddies teleport inside what remains of the Lighthouse, and collects the bodies of the (still alive) good guys.

Well, here's the thing... before the bomb went boom, Rachel was able to deflect the blast!  And so, Excalibur and TechNet spend the better part of the next three pages punching and kicking one another.  That is, until the Techies fall into a weird stasis... as though they were frozen in time.  Suddenly, a portal opens... and two figures step out.

This is Horatio Cringebottom and Bert.  They work for Majestrix Opal Luna Saturnyne... by decree of the Omniversal Guardian, Roma.  This is some very Excalibur-y stuff right here.

Horatio informs the team that they're here for Widget... the little robot-head looking thing, whose origins we'll learn more about later on down the line.  Kitty and Rachel try to reason with the fellas... but, they ain't hearing it.  They've got their orders, and they will do what they're told.

Bert gets to "operating" on the li'l metal head... taking it apart piece by piece!  The Exy's are not pleased... but Bert assures them there's nothing to worry about.  Inside of Widget, underneath a bunch of gunk, trash, and a rubber spider... they find: a life-force?

Until they can better understand the inner-workings of Widget, Bert decides it best to implant a G/9543/CV#7 (which apparently inhibits the ability to access Crosstime?) into the shell, and reassemble the thing... so they might examine it later on.  Widget returns to normal... well, as normal as a metal robot head might be.

Before finally leaving, Horatio warns the team that TechNet's stasis will only remain another five-minutes.  He also hands Captain Britain a gemstone that he needs to give to Gatecrasher at that time.

Excalibur spends the next five minutes moving the frozen Techies into position, so that when they finally "wake up", they'll wind up beating the hell out of each other.  Kind of a dick move, but whattayagonnado?

After the baddies come out of stasis, and punch each other a bit, Captain Britain informs Gatecrasher that he has a gift for her.  He hands her that gemstone, and from it appears a holographic message from... Saturnyne!  She informs the TechNet that their "contract" on Phoenix is hereby rescinded.  Also, their "exile" on Earth-616 is now indefinite.

Nightcrawler begins to feel some of that old Catholic guilt... and suggests to Brian that they really ought to take care of the stranded-TechNet.  At first, the Cap ain't havin' it... but, he eventually gives in.

We wrap up with an epilogue... on Ee'rath.  Here we meet... one of the more lackluster character finds of 1991!  Kylun.  He promises that Excalibur will pay for what they've done to this land.

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Growing up, Excalibur wasn't really on my radar.  Even as a rabid X-Fan, I kind of dissociated this title from the rest of the pack.  Probably had something/a lot to do with the fact that it was 50-cents more expensive than the rest of the "core" X-Men line.  Excalibur, Wolverine, and (tangentially) Alpha Flight were those books I sort of had an eye on... but, just couldn't commit to the "inflated" $1.75 cover price.

When I finally did get around to snapping up every Excalibur I could find in the quarter-bins, I was pleasantly surprised by just how fun the book was.  It almost made me mad how fun it was, because it meant I missed out on something really special during my younger days in comics.  Why wouldn't Wizard Magazine tout this book as being this damn fun?  You'd figure this would be promoted as the "X-Book for people who don't like the X-Books" or something, but... notsomuch.

So, whatta we got here?  Well, a really fun (and funny!) book.  Even picking this issue up again after like 20 years, I was taken aback by just how much fun I had with it!  It's silly without veering too far into ridiculous (which is really saying something for a story featuring a cartoon baby chick blowing itself up), and it manages to set up the next story arc(s) while building some interesting subplots.  Really well done.

Alan Davis' art is something I sort of run hot and cold with.  Sometimes I feel like there are few better... other times, I'm really not feelin' it.  This issue, I'm happy to report, is the former.  Really top notch stuff here.

If you'd like to hear myself and Jesse Starcher spend nearly an hour discussing this very issue, you can check out the first episode of From Claremont to Claremont: An X-Men Podcast, and shuffle up to timestamp 5 Hours - 0 Minutes - 1 Second (05:00:01).

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Letters Page:

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Cool-o-Meter!

Cosmic Treadmill Presents... Comix Tawk, Episode 8: "Reboots"

For this week's new-to-most episode of Comix Tawk, Reggie and I discuss the old go-to the industry has for zsuszing sales... Rebooting!  I'm not sure if "zsuszing" is a word... but, if you sound it out phonetically, hopefully you understand what I mean by it.


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"Reboot", when it comes to comic books is one of those descriptors that sometimes finds itself conflated with "Relaunch".  For the purposes of this episode, I do believe we discuss both Reboots and Relaunches... we probably conflate them a time or two as well.

I can't remember how I may have worded it in the heat of the moment of recording, but... to me, a "Reboot" is more of a tabula rasa sort of thing, where continuities and characterization are wiped away... where a "Relaunch" is just Marvel and DC's insistence on resetting volumes to #1's every handful of months.  In certain situations (The New-52!), an issue may serve as both a Reboot and a Relaunch.  Ya dig?

With the semantics out of the way, I suppose I could discuss some of my feelings about the Reboot/Relaunch phenomenon.  If you've followed this blog for any of the past 1,600+ days, you could probably guess that I'm not a fan.  I feel like they are disrespectful to the fans who have supported the industry, the creators who had built the industry... and, in most recent years, have quickly fallen down the well of diminishing returns.

I'm trying to think of a time where I was actually excited for a "New #1" or for some "inconvenient continuity" to be wiped away from a beloved franchise... annnnnd, I'm coming up empty.  Maybe Daredevil (vol.2) #1 from Marvel Knights?  Maybe Green Arrow (vol.2) #1?  I... didn't mean for those to both to be Kevin Smith books, but, whattayagonnado?

I am a huge fan of "legacy" (and not whatever the hell "Marvel Legacy" was trying to be a few years back).  To me, tossing an entire volume to get a slight (and often short-lived) "zsusz" to your sales, really isn't worth it.  Granted, I'm no "bean-counter" and I couldn't care less how many pennies Marvel or DC have in their coffers, but I feel like this does more harm than good when it becomes an annual go-to, rather than something organic and born out of the direction of a story.

Resetting/Rebooting/Relaunching shouldn't be the "in case of fire - break glass" situation that it has become, especially in the past 10-15 years.  If we are "courting" new readers, this is really just about the dumbest way to go about it.  Just because you're buying Fantastic Four (volume whatever the hell) #1... doesn't mean there isn't over a half-century's worth of continuity there.

We go into much greater depth during the episode, and even discuss a few times where the practice (mostly) worked.  What are y'alls thoughts on Reboots?  Is there a place for them in comics?  Is it something that should be exploited as much as it has?  Does it affect your enjoyment in any way?

ReMarvel, Episode 4: X-Force #71 (1997)

One of the coolest parts of having a show where you inject a bit of your own personal history, is the ability it gives you to create a feeling of "continuity".  Sometimes, during my droning anecdotes, I could "call back" to prior episodes to provide context or to reinforce a point.  Sometimes, one week I would just pick up where I left off the week before.  This episode is an example of the latter.

The episode before this, which I shared here yesterday, I talked about how I walked away from comics and the comics hobby for a little bit back in the mid-90's.  With today's episode, I get to tell ya how I found my way back.


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This is less a story about profundity... and more, one about a lonely and scared transplanted teenager who found himself returning to something familiar.  Something that made him feel comfortable.  It was a strange time in the comics biz... change was in the air, the speculators had moved on... and, I dunno... the industry just felt a bit more "humble".  There was something endearing about that... which I detail during the episode.

The industry whose gimmickry had driven me away now had this odd earnestness about it.  I felt like it was now finally safe to "go home again"... though, my more addictive side would sort of inform how things went from here.

Speaking of "going home again", I believe this episode opens with me talking about my then-recent trip back to New York... and, how disappointing my first New York bagel in 20 years was.  So, if you don't mind sitting in for an audio version of a vacation slideshow, I think you might dig it.

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To the future - Tomorrow's a new (to most) Comix Tawk.  Next week I'm going to once again try the "New" version of Blogger... fingers crossed they've worked the bugs out.  If anyone reading is still using Blogger (either version), please let me know if you're having the same challenges I am.

If Blogger is still a mess... I'm probably going to have to see about sliding over to WordPress (as much as that terrifies me).  If anyone has any WP advice (such as whether or not I get to keep my domain name), please hit me up.  Thanks.

ReMarvel, Episode 3: X-Men (vol.2) #45 (1995)

This past few days, there's been kind of a theme here at the blog... well, maybe a few.  They are: Change, Moments of Profundity, and Walking Away.  The episode I'm going to share with you today actually touches on all three!

The purpose of ReMarvel, as a program, was/is for me to rediscover everything I love about Marvel Comics.  Not only that, but it also allowed me a forum where I could reminisce and share stories of my trajectory through comics fandom.  I feel like a lot of folks assume that I was a "DC lifer" and had never touched a Marvel comic, which... while understandable given my content, really isn't the case at all.  Quite the opposite... as I came into my more "rabid" fandom as only reading Marvel, and very seldom checking the DC "side" of the new-release table.


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X-Men (vol.2) #45 came at just about the perfect time for me... and was one of the truest comics-related "moments of profundity" to slap me across the face.  I'm not sure I've expressed this here, though it might be plainly obvious, I'm very much an "all or nothing" sort of guy.  I have great difficulty in the act of calibrating.  I'm either "all-in", or "all-out" with nothing in between.  That applies to my comics fandom as well.

If I'm an X-Fan, then... dangit, I'm reading all the X-Books, ya dig?

If it's also not plainly obvious, I definitely have some addictive qualities.  My inability to let this website go might be the most recent testament to that.  So, being "all-in" and addicted... collecting comics in the mid-1990's sort of ceased being a hobby, and became nothing more than a "chore".  I was 15 years old, and I'd foisted this monthly "bill" onto myself.  I'd feel sick as Wednesday approached, and I knew I was a few cents short of grabbing the next issue(s).  It didn't help that the X-Line of books had absolutely exploded from the time I entered the hobby 4-5 years earlier.  There were just so many X-Books!  It was not the best of times.

With X-Men (vol.2) #45... I hit a wall.  I wasn't picking up Previews catalogs at the time, so I wasn't privy to what was coming next.  Knowing only that it was "X-Men (vol.2) week" at the shop, I headed in with my pittance (including my two-bucks for X-Men)... and, what'd I see?

X-Men #45 was there... and it had a price tag of $3.95!  I was gobsmacked, and couldn't figure out why this random-numbered (which is to say, not a "multiple of twenty-five") issue was slapped with a gimmick cover and jacked up in price.  I was informed that (most of) the X-Books were celebrating the 20th Anniversary of Giant-Size X-Men... and, so... the (core) X-Books for that month would all be of the four-buck variety!

It was at that point I realized:

• I was never going to be able to afford this month's X-Books, which would put me behind in my collecting
• Marvel could hit us with one of these "gimmick months" at any time
• We were just a handful of months away from X-Men (vol.2) and X-Force hitting their 50th issues... which, would definitely be gimmicked and over-priced

It was like I was seeing those "scales of justice".  On one side was a very small stack of comics... that I was more concerned with having than actually enjoying, and on the other... a rather sizable (and ever-growing) stack of cash.

It was in that (profound?) moment that I realized I was done.  It was time for me to "walk away"... and, I tell ya what... when I walked out of the shop that day, I thought it was "for keeps".  I never saw myself falling back into comics again.  Heck, not too long after this, I nearly got rid of my entire collection to that point.  I was just done... and considered the hobby to just be part of my past.

I go into more detail during the ReMarvel episode, if anyone's interested.  This text piece is more of a broad strokes take on the tale.  One of the things I was hoping to accomplish with the episode was to start a conversation... I feel like, as comics fans, many of us have that story about the time we "walked away".  I love hearing that story... and learning what that "last straw" might've been... if, in fact there was a "last straw" and not just a "drifting away".

Unfortunately, it was me asking that question... and so, it largely went ignored.  As you know, I don't have all that much in the way of "cache".  Ya likely won't get a bunch of social media karma or cred if you respond to anything I put into the digital ether.  So, I guess I'll ask it again here:

• Have you ever "walked away" from comics, dear reader?
• Was there a "last straw"?
• If so, what was it?
• How long were you gone?
• What brought you back?

I'm trying to get better about engaging with the comments... I apologize for my relative radio-silence on that front of late.  It's been much more difficult getting back into the "swing" of things here than I'd expected.  Starting to realize the "healing process" only really kicks in when you admit you need to be healed in the first place.

Chris is on Infinite Earths, Episode 19: Flashpoint #1 (2011)

Moments of Profundity, to me, are those weird "pivot points" in life.  Sometimes they're clear... other times, you don't realize how profound an event you experienced was until long after the fact.  They can overt... they can be benign.  Whatever the case, it's due to these "moments" that our lives go the direction(s) they do.


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Yesterday I wrote a lot about "change"... and how a lot of times changes are sorta foist upon you.  You have no choice or control over the direction of your life.  We've all been there, and we all will be again at various points.  Today, we're still discussing change, but a less passive sort.  This episode, if you choose to listen to it (which I hope you do, but you probably won't), has to do with one of the biggest decisions and life-changes I made this past decade... and, no... that story has nothing to do with Flashpoint or The New-52!, I promise!

The Flashpoint #1 tie-in and discussion is simply due to the fact that I bought and read this comic book the same day where I experienced one of those "moments of profundity".  The day I finally decided to go back to college... a decision that still affects me to this very day (and beyond).

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While (tangentially) on the subject of "change"... I think we're getting close the wrap-up point for this site.  Blogger (both versions) is still a disaster.  I'm still not a skilled enough writer to be concise and get a post written in under a couple of hours.  And, I'm pretty sure everybody has just "checked out" on me at this point.

There's a lot of competition online for your ears and eyes... and I totally get why you'd rather spend your time elsewhere.  I feel sort of foolish for assuming people would actually care about the stuff I have to say... especially going on a half-decade of daily content.  Hell, I can't even get my friends to share this stuff.  I guess my content just doesn't have the same karma-farming "cache" as some others.  Can't say that I blame them!

If you're still here, I thank you.

Chris is on Infinite Earths, Episode 18: Brightest Day #0 (2010)

Warning: Very self-indulgent and introspective post incoming.

It's Wednesday, which is the day I would usually release episodes of Chris is on Infinite Earths, the podcast named after this blog.  In fact, I was actually bellied up to the microphone yesterday fully intending to finally record Episode 36... but I couldn't.

There was something stopping me... a few things, I guess.  First, it just doesn't feel right.  I guess maybe not enough time has passed?  I'm very conflicted.  Last year, the Brightest Day episode I'm sharing today was my return to recording following Reggie's aortic dissection.  Back then, I told myself I would "get back to work" just as soon as I got the word that everything was going to be okay.  This year, that call isn't going to come.

How do you know when it's right to... not so much "move on", but... move forward?  This is all new to me, and it's really done a number on many aspects of my life.  Pertaining to this hobby in particular: It conjures up questions of why I do this in the first place.  I honestly can't answer that.  Why do I do this?  Why do I create content and share ideas about comic books?  Is it intrinsically motivated... or, is it just habit and "muscle memory"?

Since Reggie's passing, I have recorded a handful of shows... and a handful of segments, but it took a lot of effort... a lot of conflict, guilt, and pain.  It didn't feel natural, it didn't feel "right".  I feel like I did it for the wrong reasons.  I did it to "maintain a schedule", I convinced myself I'd be "letting people down" if I didn't.  Neither of those reasons sound very intrinsic, do they?

At the end of the day, nobody but me cares about "my schedule", and as the numbers show, nobody is interested/invested enough in what I do to be "let down" if I don't deliver.  I'd wager there are very few out there have noticed the absence of my voice on the digital airwaves over the past couple months.

I never wanted to find myself "slipping into a persona" when recording.  I always endeavor to be honest, true, and real when sharing/foisting my voice on listeners.  I never wanted to have to "flip that switch" from conversation-mode to "presentation-mode"... but, I can't deny that that's how it's been the last few times out.  To me, that's just not how "this" ought to work.

There's a lesson there.  It goes back to some advice Reggie had tried, many times over the years, to give me.  To focus only on the intrinsic qualities of everything we did.  Make the pursuit itself the goal.  Don't worry about end-users (and if there are any) or a "community" that doesn't want anything to do with us.  Don't worry about anything other than our own enjoyment, pride, and satisfaction.  I'm sure I'm babbling right now... but, I think there's a point in there somewhere.

Let's get to Brightest Day for a minute... again, this was the first show I put out following Reggie's aortic dissection.


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With this return episode of Chris is on Infinite Earths, I kinda just let it flow.  I let my own conversation take me wherever it wanted to go... which would sort of become the hallmark of the program.  I always envisioned the "Chris Show" to be more personal... and provide a bit of insight into both "the process" as well as my life in general.  Not that I've lived any sort of mindbogglingly interesting life or anything... but, there can be some poignancy in the mundane... I guess?

This episode was the most personal episode to that point.  I connected the Brightest Day "crossovent" with what was going on in my life around that time... also sort of intersecting it with the overall concept of "change".  Change isn't always something within our control... in fact, for someone like me who is terrified of straying from the "norm"... from the "template", change is very seldom something I would go out of my way to "effect".

The personal story I shared during this Brightest Day episode concerned my losing my job back in 2008... which, I'm sure I'm not the only person to lose their gig that year... and just how the next couple of years rolled out.  We lost our home, were literally within 10 days of being homeless... nearly lost the cars, we were really in a bad way.  We wouldn't find any semblance of normalcy and hope until right around the time of Brightest Day.  It was a very difficult, and character-building, time in my life.  Might've been the first time I was actually forced to build any!

So, this "new format" for the program, wherein I'd spend sometimes up to an hour sharing some personal stories and anecdotes before hopping into the comic discussion itself, gave me that intrinsic satisfaction.  The pursuit... the activity of "creating" was everything to me.  I didn't about anything else.

I've been writing for around an hour and a half at this point... and, honestly... I'm not sure I've even "said" anything.  Maybe I'm just trying to clear out a mental logjam... maybe I'm just trying to work out in my head whether or not there's still a "place" for me and my voice in this little world.... because at the end of the day, I still want to create, but I want to make sure I'm doing it for the right reason(s).

Anyways, if you made it this far (both of you), I greatly appreciate it.  I'll try and be less self-indulgent tomorrow.