Maximum Anniversary X-Perience (1993)

Maximum Anniversary X-Perience (1993)

Hey y'all, it's Sunday -- and so, howsabout we do something a little weird, eh? It's nice to change things up a bit every now and then... x-specially considering how "samey" our Vignettes are feeling. Maybe it's just me, but I'm starting to feel like I'm in a Groundhog Day situation with some'a them. The stories aren't the same... but, the "trappings" and tone are... if that makes any sense...?

Anyway -- let's shift gears on this Sunday, and take a look at an odd piece of "x-phemera". You all know I love my X-Men ephemera... almost as much as I love forcing horrible portmanteaus. As is normal, I found today's piece in what I lovingly refer to as a "trash box" in the back corner of a local comics shop. A "trash box" is... well, a box full of stuff that even most comics fans wouldn't consider worth rifling through. Odd papers, pamphlets, post cards, ancient magazines -- ya know, stuff ya probably couldn't get a whole lotta likes on Twitter for, or make much money on eBay with.

As the "fake ass comics historian" I present myself as being, I find (probably too much) value in some of the weirdest and niche bits of ephemera -- and, as such, I am immediately drawn to the "trash box", anytime I see one. There have even been times where this box of goodies was a literal "trash box"... like, moments away from being plopped in the dumpster. Shop owners are usually surprised and amused when I ask if I might take a look... even more so, when I actually find something I want to take home with me.

Today's piece is one of those things. A retailer-friendly promotional somethin'rnother all about the 30th Anniversaries of the X-Men and the Avengers. This is the point in the pre-ramble where I'd say that this'll be a "Just the X, ma'am" look at this thing... but, Marvel's PR department pretty much already took care of that for me! There are only a couple of pages in this entire portfolio dedicated to Earth's Mightiest! For completionists' sake, I'll include 'em.

I'll act as your 1993 tour guide, but I'm not sure x-actly how much "commentary" I'll be providing below the dashes, as -- a lot of this stuff doesn't require any, plus -- I'm not nearly as witty as I like to think I am, and so I'd only be distracting from the oddity that is -- the Maximum Anniversary X-Perience!

--

Our inside front-cover advertises the Larry Hama/Mark Texeira Sabretooth miniseries, complete with die-cut gimmick cover on its first issue. This is the first we'll see of there being an attempt made at synergy between the X-Men cartoo-- er, "Animated Series" and the comics. Y'ever notice when "comics scholars" don't care for a toon, it's just a cartoon -- but, when they do, it's "upgraded" to Animated Series? Ehh, maybe I'm projecting.

Next, we're welcomed to the x-perience... and, thankfully this was written in 1993 and not "current year", because I'm sure they'd drop a line about how they "hope we survive it..." It's written with this "hello, fellow kids" sorta jive, which... we're about to find out, is the tone of the day. This bit x-plains everything we're about to see... however, since we're going to keep reading anyway, I won't spill those beans here.

From here, we learn that the Hunt for Magneto is on! If you were reading X-Men (or Avengers) comics back in ye old 1993, you'll probably remember this contest... for a few reasons. First, they had to do with a "scratch off" card that came stapled in the middle of your books -- which, speculators and fans of the day probably faced an internal struggle with. Honestly, in an era where we were really pushing the concept of comics-as-investments, it's kind of a dick move to put a scratch-off card inside the book. First, it was a card... stapled into just the bottom staple of the book... which could make your spine wonky. Second, it's a damn card, that was numbered, which in and of itself made it part of a "series". Third, have I mentioned that it's a friggin' card -- that you could scratch off (the best possible "prize" for doing so was an uncut sheet of cards). I'm guessing many'a fan back in the long ago bought multiple copies of the card-carrying books -- many of which I've happened across in the quarter-bins in recent years.

Here is a "Hunt for Magneto" card from my own Uncanny X-Men #303:

For completionists' sake, here is the official Marvel Press Release for the Hunt for Magneto contest:

Hey, howsabout another Press Release? This time for the 16-Page X-Men/Avengers (could you imagine living in a time where "X-Men" came before "Avengers"?) Anniversary Preview. Here, Marvel PR guy, Gary Guzzo, drops some knowledge about the Anniversary celebration -- and all the goodies that are going to be coming out of it.

Wanna see it? Well, here ya go (from Uncanny X-Men #302)!

Next, we have a couple'a display/promo options retailers could order - to promote both the Anniversary and their shops.

Then, some clip-art...

Next, some more promos for the "as seen on TV" Sabretooth and "Buy it or he'll kill ya!" Deadpool Miniseries'...

Then the Avengers swipe a line from Superman...

And, we have a... kinda irritating X-Men promo. It's kind of a "did you know..." where it informs us that, believe it or not -- the X-Men x-isted before they were on TV! Imagine if Marvel put have the amount of effort into promoting "current year" comics!

With the promos out of the way (for now), I'd like to introduce the true "star" of this bit of x-phemera. Marvel PR wrote up... radio ad scripts, that local comic shops could read (or maybe just order -- with their own "shop tag" inserted) and send in to radio stations. There really isn't anything I can say to add to the absolute delight these "ad reads" deliver. So, dudes, I'll just shut up and post up. Here's "Jump Start Your Heart with the X-Men":

Here's "Earths Mightiest Radio":

"In Your Face X-Men":

And, finally, the "Escape With the Avengers" radio-play:

Now, put'cher kids to bed and cover grandma's eyes, cuz it's time for the X-Men "Strip Tease"! These are "incentivized" comic strip newspaper ads, that Marvel would really like for the shops to send in to their local papers to promote the big X-Men Anniversary. So much so that, should they get their ads to run before August 1, 1993 -- Marvel will send them a special "gold" version of the Cable Hologram from the cover of X-Force #25! I tried finding a pic of the "gold 'gram" online... but, it would appear as though everybody on eBay considers their copy to be "gold". Hmm...

Here are the foursome of "strips". I considered doing my usual "Chris is on Infinite Earths" style play-by-play for these... but, a) this was supposed to be a "gimme" post, and I've already been working on it for two hours, and b) I'm just not witty enough to add anything here (not that that's stopped me before!):

Then, we've got an ad for the "free" Magneto #0. Now, this one was a bane of my young collector's soul. The Magneto one-shot... that was a special order limited deal... during a time of heightened speculation. I did NOT get a copy of this back in ye ol' 93 -- but, have come into several copies of it in the 50¢ bins in the years since -- including one signed by Fabian Nicieza!

Here's a copy of the Magneto #0 "check-off card"... swiped from eBay, because mine is packed away Lord knows where...

Hungry for more Press Releases? Well, our man Gary Guzzo's still pumpin'em out. This one is cartoo... err, "Animated Series" focused -- really playing up the killer ratings the show does each and every Saturday Morning. Oh, and also -- if you want a lazy comic book based on it -- welcome to the fold, X-Men Adventures!

Press Release for Magneto #0:

Press Release for the spiral-bound X-Men: Survival Guide to the Mansion... which, I think I have kickin' around somewhere... but, again -- I couldn't even hazard a guess as to where it might be!

More Press Releases... Deadpool and Sabretooth are gettin' minis, donchaknow...

X-Men Anniversary Merch Page... which might just double as my "shopping list" going forward...

And, finally... out inside back-cover sports a Deadpool miniseries Display ad.

--

While we're on the X-Men at 30 kick... howsabout a (very) quick look at Marvel Age #122 (March, 1993):

--

Well, there ya have it -- a post that I originally saw as a "gimme", that ran me from dark o'clock AM til mid-morning. That'll learn me for looking for a shortcut!

An odd and interesting piece of X-Phemera from the comic shop junk heap, that I'm happy to have -- and even happier to have been able to share. I'm assuming most of the folks reading this probably won't get much of anything out of it -- but, for the one or two of you who DO, I'm happy to have put the time in.

X-Men Vignettes, Chapter Twenty-Three (1988)

X-Men Vignettes #23 (1988)
"Nightcrawler's High Adventure"
Writer - Chris Claremont
Art - John Bolton
Letters - Tom Orzechowksi
Colors - Glynis Oliver
Edits - Kavanagh, Edelman, Nocenti, Harras, DeFalco
From: Classic X-Men #23 (July, 1988)

Don'tcha just hate when some jag starts their thought by saying something trite like "They say a picture's worth a thousand words..."? I know I do -- but well, I guess I'm kinduva jag, cuz here we are.

If you look at the cover image here... it, well... it basically tells the entire story I'm about to spend several hundred, if not an entire thousand words talking about. It's... it. I mean, I could just as well post that pic alone, and you'd get just as much out of this piece as you ultimately will be the time you get to the bottom of the page -- only, you won't have spent 5-10 minutes of your lives here!

Now, if that ain't a selling point -- let's hurdle over the dashes and get right into it!

--

We open with our feature character, Nightcrawler, stranded on some desert isle -- holding his head, and wondering just where in the hell he is. We're immediately thrust back into Flashback Land to get us a little bit of context. Ya see, the X-Men were on board the Jinguchi Maru on their way to Japan -- which occurred in real-time during X-Men #117 (January, 1979), which was also the lead-off story in this ish of Classix... you know the drill. Anyway, after being rescued by Captain Hama and his crew, the weather started getting rough... and the big ol' freighter was tossed. Kurt recalls asking Storm if there's anything she might be able to do about the harsh weather -- to which, she gets quite perturbed and tells him that she's already doing everything she can. On his way out, our hero spots a woman falling overboard -- and so, he BAMFs into action, catching the lady as she falls. Unfortunately for him, he kinda loses where he's at when they hit the drink, and so he cannot BAMF them back onto the boat. Instead, they just wind up following the tide, and smashing into a reef. Kurt wakes up on the beach of the atoll... but there's no sign of Eiko Shimura, the woman he saved.

Nightcrawler attempts to collect himself so he can go about searching the area for Ms. Shimura. He does find her "oilskins", which are apparently waterproof clothes. I'd never heard that term before... so, I suppose I just learned something. Anyway, he finds her "oilskins", which clarifies to him that, at the very least, she did wash up on the same beach as him. In the hills, Kurt sees a shiny reflection amid the trees. He hikes his way to it to check it out. What he finds is something out of the pilot to LOST. A crashed plane! This is the Madripoor Clipper. Kurt calls out to Eiko, hoping that she might be hiding out in the belly of the Boeing.

Our man climbs inside the wreckage, and among all the funk he finds... a trunk. Inside the trunk are some old adventurers' clothes -- pith helmet, pistol -- it's the whole "Dr. Livingston, I presume" ensemble. He tries 'em on for size... because, it's not like there's anything pressing or time-sensitive he ought to be attending to. He even models his new duds in front of the trunk-lid mirror. In the reflection, he's shocked to see a skull on a pike -- with a phallic object jammed in its mouth.

Our man then finds himself attacked by... Kylun? Well, no -- not really... but, a very Kylun-esque critter indeed. Kurt pulls out the Madripoorean pistol... which proves to be very little use. This really evokes the sort of whimsical levity you'd see in an old swashbuckling adventurer serial -- which, is probably the point. As not-Kylun swipes at our hero, he BAMFs around behind him and kayoes the beastie by booting him head-first into a nearby tree.

Kurt takes this opportunity to get a closer look at his attacker. It's wearing Eiko's life preserver... and a scrap of armor with what looks like a letter "M". It's actually a pair of mountains... which Nightcrawler is able to locate deeper into the island via a pair of binocks. Since we're running out of pages, it's time for things to become mighty convenient. Kurt deduces that it's inside these mountains where Eiko is being held.

And, whattayaknow, he's right! Kurt BAMFs over to the mountain... and finds out that it's actually an old volcano. Deep inside the crater, he watches as more Kyluns and a Priest lead Eiko to a stone table that they likely bought at "Human Sacrifices R Us". Eiko isn't struggling or fighting... it seems she's accepted her fate.

So, Eiko's laid out on the slab... the Priest lifts his ceremonial sharp bit of stone... and, well -- remember that scene from the "cover" of this story? Yeah, that's what happens. Nightcrawler waits until the very last second before BAMFing in to sock the priest in the mush. Our man's got a little bit of a flair for the dramatic, eh?

Kurt then fights off the Kyluns and goes to rescue the damsel. Only, by now the Priest has recovered -- and uses his glowing eyes to seemingly put Nightcrawler in a trance. Our hero collapses on the slab next to Eiko. Looks like our Evil Priest is getting himself a "twofer". Only, not really... because when he goes to plunge his stone into... well, either Kurt or Eiko -- they BAMF outta there.

We wrap up with Kurt pulling himself and Eiko up from a piece of the crag. It's revealed here that Kurt was only feigning that he was kayoed by the Priest's mental control... because, I don't know? It's not like he couldn't have just grabbed Eiko and BAMFed away from the get-go, right? It's not like he lulled the Priest in so he could beat him up s'more or kill him? Seems kinda pointless, dunnit? Anyway, Kurt fires a flare into the sky -- moments later, a bolt of lightning seems to answer this distress call. Kurt knows that Storm and the X-Men are likely on their way to rescue him. I say "him", because, far as I know, we never see Eiko again... I'm going to assume she ultimately chose the island life. Well, after "repaying" the Fuzzy Elf... in some form or fashion -- which we won't think about too hard.

--

Well, this was a lot better than Storm the Sky Pirate!

It was also kinda nice to see an actual "swashbuckling" Nightcrawler story. That's something I talk about a bit on X-Lapsed whenever Nightcrawler comes up. So many X-Fans have this weird knee-jerk reply to anything Nightcrawler -- it's like automatic "Swashbuckling!" To which, I've often asked "Where the hell IS the swashbuckling?" -- I'll also ask when the last time they actually sat down and read a Nightcrawler story was -- but, that's just me being a... lemme check good ol' social media... of yes, a "gatekeeping manbaby". Comic fans treat each other with such respect, eh?

It's so seldom we see "light" Nightcrawler stories -- as he's usually bogged down with Catholic guilt, or moral quandaries... and has been for decades at this point. So, in that way, this was pretty refreshing to see. As a story, it was light, fun, and very "serial-y". I also really dug how they evoked the old masthead from Amazing High Adventure for the story title.

All told, this one falls into the "enjoyable but not much to say about it" pile. It fills in some time that... maybe we didn't actually need to see filled, but at the end of the day it didn't hurt anybody or anything. A nice Nightcrawler spotlight to further flesh-out his character to a generation of folks who may've missed out the first time around -- while also adding to the lore for those who've been there from the Second Genesis.

--

Letters Page:

If you're anything like me (and Lord help you if you are), you probably noticed the absolute glut of Editors credited on this issue. Usually (as in, current year), I'd make a joke about how it seems like the more editors they add, the less editing actually gets done. Here though, it seems as though Harras and Edelman have been added to the roster simply to attend to the Classic X-Mail Page.

Speaking of the X-Mail -- it would appear as though the readers of ye old 1986-1988 had a very favorable opinion on the "Nightcrawler sees dead people" Vignette from Chapter Nine. I thought that story was "just okay"... and suggested it could've been any character in the feature role. Reading these fan letters... does not change my opinion. Heck, sometimes it can -- just, not this time.

X-Men Vignettes, Chapter Twenty-Two (1988)

X-Men Vignettes #22 (1988)
"Solace"
Writer - Chris Claremont
Art - John Bolton
Letters - Tom Orzechowski
Colors - Glynis Oliver
Edits - Kavanagh, Nocenti, DeFalco
From: Classic X-Men #22 (June, 1988)

Hey Gang -- I'm sitting here right now quite annoyed that I wasn't able to sleep in... and really, really wanting a cup of coffee. Got some bloodwork set up for today -- and the earliest appointment I was able to get was 9:45 am. I was hoping to somehow be able to sleep in until... I dunno, 9:35 or so, because it's gonna be hard not to eat anything for the next... jeez, four hours.

Well, at least we have the next Vignette to distract us, eh? Here's hoping it'll be a good one*!

*It's not gonna be...

--

We open, and we're still in the Savage Land. Our heroes appear to be getting quite comfortable with their prehistoric surroundings... Banshee's even lettin' it all hang out. Speaking of Sean, he lets out a bellow calling all of the X-Men (and Ka-Zar) to Storm's hut. Once they arrive, they find a note that she'd left -- she's gone off to be on her own for a bit -- but will be back before the X-Men return to actual civilization. Ka-Zar worries that she'll be in danger, but Claremont-via-Wolverine reminds the caveman that Storm ain't no ordinary woman... she's Storm. Okay, calm down. Where'd she get off to, you might be asking? Well, she's about to go swimming... while surrounded by some horrendously Claremontian captions.

She dives in, while reminding herself that she's got this personal vow about not killing... and finds herself attacked by a giant crocodile-lookin' Saurian. The beastie takes her unawares, and gets a bite in before she even realizes it. So, this is the second Storm-centric Vignette in a row, where something takes a bite out of her! Anyway, the croc zips past... at which point, Ororo realizes that it's got a passenger! A not-yet-dead woman in a strange scuba-ish suit has become tangled and bound to the thing via her harpoon line. Storm struggles to free her.

It all appears futile... until Storm remember that, even without her powers she's very dangerous^TM, and also how she somehow manages to keep dozens of knives on her person at once, it isn't long before she frees the woman. Storm then guides the croc to the surface, where she zaps it with a bolt of lightning. S'funny... I'd almost imagine Claremont wouldn't punish dinosaurs for... ya know, acting like dinosaurs. Last chapter, Colossus beat up the T-Rex and here, Storm is zapping the Croc. There's always that moral argument about whether or not Galactus is actually evil... or, ya know, just being Galactus. Figure a dino's gonna dino...

Anyway, from here the story becomes a lot less straightforward... and, if I'm being honest, a lot less readable. Storm passes out, dreams of her mother, a fire, a skeletal beast... and a rescue. At least this page is nice to look at -- because it isn't much fun to actually read. I think Chris Claremont was bitten by a radioactive Chris Claremont before writing this bit.

Storm wakes up... aboard an airship... in another world. Ya see, that lake in the Savage Land is some sort of dimensional gateway. She's greeted by M'Rin... and, ya know -- what's with all these apostrophized names for aliens? Can we stop that? Anyway, M'Rin is the scuba woman Storm had saved... and here, M'Rin has returned the favor.

On deck, Storm decides to take flight and, I guess take in the inky blackness that is this strange world? What she (and we) learn is that the airship isn't exactly an airship... just a regular one that just so happens to be strapped to the back of... Falcor from the Neverending Story? It's actually C'Jime... and it's quite pleased to be able to welcome the Wind-Rider to their world.

Storm learns that M'Rin is a "Warlord of the Skyways"... and so, she decides to... stay in this realm to play sky-pirate? Ya know, it's hard to believe this never came up during the time Storm was on the Marauders -- then again, it wasn't very often that (Marauders writer) Gerry Duggan remembered that Storm was even part of his cast. Anyway, Storm's here... doin' pirate stuff with M'Rin and Company.

All's well and good, until Storm feels as though she's beginning to change. There's something about this world that brings out a wildness in her that frightens her. She enters M'Rin's "apartment" to chat her up, and discovers a small statue on the table. The statue is of M'Rin and (assumedly) her daughter. Storm realizes that M'Rin is using her as something of a surrogate daughter -- and gently confronts her. I say gently, because Storm also realizes that she herself has been using M'Rni as a surrogate mother.

They talk -- we learn that M'Rin's daughter became the leader of some evil sky pirates... the very ones they'd been fighting against. Storm realizes that this cannot go on... and she must return home. It's a tearful goodbye. M'Rin gives storm a Cameo Crystal, which is bonded to her... and could, at any point, reunite them, should Storm wish it. We'll only see this thing (and M'Rin herself) one more time, during X-Men Annual #12 (1988), which is part of the Evolutionary Bore... err, War crossovent. And... that's that!

--

My God, but this was endless... and I didn't care for it one bit.

If you've listened to any X-Lapsed, it shouldn't come as much of a surprise that I'm not the biggest fan of the X-Men in "fantasy worlds"... nine times out of ten places like Otherworld make me wanna toss a book. This had a very similar effect on me. I don't know if it's just not something I can "relate" to -- or, if it's just not my genre. All's I know is, I don't like it -- and I didn't like this. This is what I refer to as "Chris Problems" on the show -- I can only hope the rest of you got more out of this than I did.

The only thing about this that I did appreciate, was how Claremont used this Vignette to introduce M'Rin and her World... which will be (briefly) revisited during this year's Evolutionary War Annual. I'm a fan of lore and "breadcrumb" storytelling -- so, I'm down with that. If only the story itself wasn't such a bore!

Don't really have all that much more to say -- I'm getting tired of the Storm-centric Vignettes... I think this is the third one so far, and none of them have been all that great. Hopefully we go a few days without another.

--

LETTERS PAGES:

Hey - we've got a letters page! Not sure if this is the first one to appear in Classix -- but, it's the first one I've noticed.

X-Men Vignettes, Chapter Twenty-One (1988)

 

X-Men Vignettes #21 (1988)
"First Love"
Writer - Chris Claremont
Art - John Bolton
Letters - Tom Orzechowski
Colors - Glynis Oliver
Edits - Kavanagh, Nocenti, DeFalco
From: Classic X-Men #21 (May, 1988)

Before we get into today's Vignette, I just wanna address a little bit of housekeeping -- and express a bit of gratitude.

If you're following the site, you might already know that, after a few weeks away from the mic, I released Episode 326 of X-Lapsed yesterday (as of this writing). If you've followed my audio x-ploits for a little while, you'll likely know that I can sometimes get a little too honest on the air, perhaps to the point of oversharing. It's kind of my "brand" to be as transparent as possible -- I believe if someone/anyone out there decides to let me into their ears, then they deserve to get the "real" me.

I'm always sincere with my thoughts and opinions on silly things like comics (which is probably why I'm "persona au gratin" in the X-Men Community -- yes, I'm very cheesy)... but, I will also, from time to time, share pieces of myself. I used to refer to these sort of shows as "emotional shiatsu massages", because... well, they're painful -- they make me nauseous -- but, I feel a sense of lightness and, for lack of a better term "zen" when it's all said and done. This was very much one of "those" episodes.

I shared some things that are currently going on in my life... and how these little "visits", both written and audio -- are avenues for me to try and "escape". They are also one of the only things, at present, that I have the ability to (somewhat) control. It was probably a bit too self-indulgent and "precious"... but, I'm glad I did it.

Since releasing the episode, I gotta say -- I'm honestly overwhelmed with the kind and supportive words I've received. It shouldn't have been a surprise, knowing how wonderful the X-Lapsed/CoiIE "family" is... but, hey -- I've said it before, and I'm sure I'll say it again: this content create-y life can be (and often is) very lonely. It's easy to lose yourself in it... it's easy to begin to believe that you're all alone, and that nobody cares.

It's nice to get that reminder every now and again that -- that isn't entirely the case. So, thank you everybody for the warm reception.

--

Our story opens... in the Savage Land. My second (or maybe third)-least-favorite locale in the X-Books! Worth noting, this issue of Classix reprints X-Men #115, which is part of a Savage Land story arc -- so, this Vignette is an "in between days" sort of deal. Our feature character is Colossus... and, it's even going to provide a callback to his last Vignette (in Chapter Five), but we'll get there. Anyway, we open with Piotr feeling homesick. He's not used to the clammy hot climate the Savage Land affords -- he can't even get his pencil to sketch on his damp and disgusting pad. He's so out to lunch over this that his eyes begin to play tricks on him. In the distance, he thinks he's seeing Illyana and... Anya. And that's Anya the bigoted ballerina from Chapter Five... not Anya, Magneto's daughter from Chapter Twelve.

He soon realizes that he's just seein' things. What he's actually looking at is a gaggle of mohawked (and thirsty) Savage Landers. He watches as they cross the plain, before attempting to put pencil to paper once again. The thinks back to his brief and weird relationship with Anya (again, the ballerina... not the girl who burned to death), and how she wouldn't accept him as he is -- which is to say, as a man made of metal. Just then, he's startled by a scream. He enters the jungle to investigate, and finds himself faced off with -- a Tyrannosaurus Rex! The beast has the three Savage Landers cornered.

Our man attempts to armor-up to fight off the dino -- but finds that he cannot! Piotr assumes the intense heat has really done a number on his concentration -- hindering his ability to change form. And so, he decides to try and distract the T-Rex by hurling a giant stone at it's snout. This is one'a dem "good news, bad news" situations -- as, it does take the dino's eyes off its original prize (for a brief moment), but it also swats our hero away with its tail. Pete recovers and takes to the trees in attempt to fastball special himself onto the terrible lizard's back. And, well -- he does just that. He "Tarzans" over from a giant tree... and proceeds to hack at the dino's eye with his primitive axe-gimmick. Unfortunately for him, however, he's a moment too late -- the T-Rex has already taken a big ol' bite out of a Savage Lander.

This "injury-to-the-eye" attack from Piotr both causes the CCA to second-guess putting their stamp on the cover of the ish... and sends the dinosaur reeling back. It falls into the drink, presumably to painfully and slowly drown. One of the mohawked women, Nereel, rushes over to our hero and embraces him. She thanks him for the save... but, informs him that one of their number would not survive. From here, we head back to camp -- where, that evening, they all sit around a... smoldering, uh... sorta problematic shape (?) in the ground. This is the funeral pyre for the fallen Shakani.

Later that night, after the ceremony ends, Piotr heads back to his lodging. There, he's met by Nereel and another Savage Lander who invite him to come along for the "last ceremony" -- which is to say, they're going to drag him away to the fields and... bang his brains out. On their way, they pass Wolverine, who is currently working on his needlepoint (seriously). Pete invites Logan along... which tells us he hasn't the foggiest idea what's about to be in store for him. Logan knowingly smiles, and passes on the offer.

So, it looks like our man's about to be menage-a-trois'ed, yes? Well... izzit too late to make that a foursome? Cuz, outta the fog rises a one-eyed T-Rex! Worth noting, naïve Pete isn't exactly receptive to the bang-a-thon. He even verbally "blushes". What's more - this isn't just a "getchure rocks off" sorta thing -- Nereel is hoping to celebrate her friend's sacrifice by... creating a new life here.

Anyway, back to it -- the dinosaur attacks, but this time Colossus is able to armor-up. As he does so, he flashes back to how Anya reacted to his mutanty-metally form, and fears that Nereel will have a similar reaction. Unfortunately for him, however, he isn't being presented with much of a choice. He armors up... and fights off the beast.

Colossus beats the bejeezus out of the T-Rex... and as the dust settles, he fears Nereel will run from him in FEAR AND HATE. He is surprised, however, when she does not. Instead she rushes to him... she still loves him, and in fact, our Claremontian caption is there to inform us that this is the first time Piotr Rasputin has discovered love. We close out with Pete gettin' gang-banged... and unwittingly conceiving a child.

--

Well, suddenly that Colossus-Anya chapter makes a bit more sense, eh?

When we first looked at that chapter, I didn't see it as being anything all that noteworthy -- just another FEAR AND HATE story to show how marginalized our heroes can be. Nothing we hadn't seen before or since... and really, at the end of the day, just page-filler. A fine story... a beautifully drawn story... but, ya know, just a story.

After revisiting this chapter, however, Piotr's "arc" makes a bit more sense. As I'm wont to say, it's been literally a lifetime since I'd last read these Vignettes -- and, as such, most of them may as well be "new to me". Having our man faced with the fear that he'll be rejected or looked down upon for his mutant ability was pretty interesting. Even as he armored-up to fight off the T-Rex, all he could think about is how Nereel was going to react upon seeing him. Of course, with the context of what happened in the Anya chapter, this makes complete and total sense. Colossus being a younger (and more naïve) man is being played up here, and it's nice to see it.

As I've mentioned, when I entered the X-Fandom, Colossus was one of the "old guard", and often portrayed as a sullen put-upon sadsack. When I first saw that he was previously romantically-linked to Kitty Pryde, it skeeved me out, because I mentally placed him as being -- not just older, but a lot older than her. Seeing stories like this... well, it doesn't completely wipe out the skeeve-factor, but it helps me to see Piotr as being on the younger side of adult.

Now, Pete does the thing... armors up... saves the gals. Then, gets boffed. It's always been odd to me that the fact that Colossus has a son never got all that much in the way of play. In fact, Peter Jr.'s only appeared like 3-4 times. Even stranger, in the current-ish post-HoXPoX/pre-Inferno2 landscape, Colossus is depicted as working in the fields of the Savage Land most of the time. You'd almost expect he and li'l Pete to meet up. Then again, considering Marvel's current-year editorial and creative, your guess is as good as mine if they even realize this bit of x-history even exists. My money's on "no".

Overall - this was a good chapter. What's more, if made me further appreciate an earlier chapter. That's a win-win in my book. Worth a look!

X-Men Vignettes, Chapter Twenty (1988)

 

X-Men Vignettes #20 (1988)
"Mother of the Bride"
Writer - Jo Duffy
Art - John Bolton
Letters - Tom Orzechowski
Colors - Petra Scotese
Edits - Kavanagh, Nocenti, DeFalco
From: Classic X-Men #20 (April, 1988)

Here we are, back to physical media -- so's I don't have to try and sneak around my own (too rigid for my own good) rules... well, until Chapterrrrrr... 27, wuzzit? Now, that one I can't even say I own any physical version of... so, I may not be able to talk myself through!

Anyway, here we be -- back in the land of awful askew and drab iPhone camera pics, with that unmistakable Sheehan charm and skill. Hope we survive the x... well, you know.

Also, heard three of the sweetest words I'd ever been told yesterday -- "It's a cyst".

Let's Duffy!

--

Today's Vignette opens during the wedding of Storm and... well, he's got a mustache, but that certainly isn't Forge. Before we get all that much further in, this is gonna have some hippy-dippiness to it, lots of talk of "Mother Earth" of "Mother Nature"... hence the title of the bit, "Mother of the Bride". It's got a bit of X-Men Greeniness to it... but, will it manage to leave the same black stain on my soul as that piece of sh...err, litter? Let's keep goin' and find out. So, Storm's at the altar... and her friends (and some old bitty) are all here to watch her be wed. It might be worth noting that Duffy is doing her damnedest to evoke that "Claremontian" tone in the narration captions.

Suddenly, the entire scene devolves into something out of public access horror... or a wildly uncreative current year comic book -- everybody's a zombie! Well, everybody except Storm, that is. The putrefied versions of her friends start working their way toward her... with dark lust in their eyes. Ororo backs herself out of the chapel and manages to take flight.

Turns out, this is all some sort of a fever dream. Storm's actually sleeping it off in some tree house or something, like she's turn of the century Donna Troy. She notices that she's injured her arm... but cannot seem to remember quite how. We will find out soon enough. Now, Storm wakes up, yea? When she does, she is attacked by a Zombie Janitor named Jack. Well, his nametag says "Jack"... and we'll soon find out why such attention was paid to that portion of his jumpsuit. I mean, it's the only part of the thing that isn't shaded in -- so, it's gonna mean somethin', right?

Before long, Storm-in-the-present finds herself surrounded by an entire team of Zombie Janitors. Behind the lot of 'em stands... the dude she dreamed she was going to marry. Their eyes meet, and suddenly Ororo begins to remember. Now, we might all be paraphrasing that certain song by asking "Well, how did we get here?" -- so, howabout we hop into Flashback Land and find out?

We zip back to Storm enjoying a day off after a recent X-Men adventure. She's at a resort getting some Sun next to the "man-made concrete-lined hole in the ground", which, if I may translate from annoying-to-English, means "swimming pool". Nearby, she sees a crying older woman -- the same one we saw at the "wedding" a few pages back, asamattafact. Storm inquires as to what might be troubling the bitty, and finds out that she was married to a fella named Jack (oh?), who worked for Twelvetrees Chemicals. Twelvetrees, inventors and producers of a "metal substitute" had Jack working in their factory -- but, he died on the job, likely of some sort of chemical poisoning. Twelvetrees told the ol' lady (Alice Norton) that it would be too dangerous to release his body back to her... and, even too dangerous for her to have a viewing.

And so, we leave it to 'Ro. Before we know it, she's set up a meeting at Twelvetrees -- with Richard Twelvetrees himself. Richard is, duh, the mustachioed dream-groom. Storm chats him up about Jack Norton. He shows her the YK-23 Jack (and others) died working on. It's light as plastic, strong as steel -- and less expensive to produce than either. Just then, our Vignette writer sneezes and loses her place in the story -- so, we jump right ahead to Zombie Jack shambling into Twelvetrees' office. Richard is initially quite annoyed... but, his mood changes in an instant. He orders Jack to -- kill Storm! This... this is pretty rough.

Jack lunges at Storm, taking a big ol' bite out of her arm before she manages to take flight and escape. Somehow in between the time Jack lunges... and reaches Ororo, she has changed from her sharp business-casual skirt combo into her full X-Men costume -- tiara and all! Did Kurt let her use his Image Inducer or something? Oh well, Storm does escape -- and manages to keep herself collected until reaching the tree house, where she passes out.

That's "how we got here" -- so, howsabout we wrap this sucker up, eh? Storm is surrounded by the Zombie horde -- realizing she's been literally and figuratively backed into a corner. She's vowed never to take a life -- even that of a zombie, I guess. So, what is she to do? Well, turns out the question is about to be rendered moot -- because, ugh -- Mother Nature decides to intervene. The zombies are hit with bolts of lightning -- "killing" them. Storm escapes with her life, and didn't have to compromise her morals to do so. Well... hmm... we'll talk about that in the down below.

--

Okay, well this kinda sucked.

Has a bit of the X-Men Green stank on it -- which begs the question: Is it #worsethanxmengreen? [balki]of course not, don't be reedeekolous[/balki]. Nothing is worse than X-Men Green. I mean, this was bad -- and I never wanna read it again -- but, I think I'd rather tattoo this on the inside of my eyelids than ever subject myself to X-Men Green again.

I only really have one takeaway -- and I'm only seeing it thru squinted eyes. The ending of this story has Storm seemingly being "gifted" a gimme by Mother Nature. We know from future stories that Storm, moral/ethical code or not -- will do what needs done when the situation calls for it. She can be ruthless... and, as current year comics refuse to stop mentioning "is just as dangerous with or without her powers". But here -- she can't bring herself to "pull the trigger".

Or, at least that's how it looks, yes? Part All of me wonders if she may've unconsciously summoned the lightning to take out the zombies. Asamattafact, I read this for the first time while in the waiting room at the doctor's office. It wasn't as thorough a read as I usually give these things -- I was pretty uncomfortable, and really just reading to keep my mind off things. But, during that read, seeing these zombies taken out by lightning -- I just assumed Storm did it. It wasn't until my second read-thru that I noticed this weather-witchiness being attributed to Mother Nature. But, ya know what? I'm still not buyin' it. I think that Storm was pushed to her limits... was in a do or die situation, and chose to "do".

She can wrap that up as a "gift" from Mother Nature... if that'll help the medicine go down a bit easier, but if you ask me -- this was ALL Storm. Sure, this way she doesn't have to feel accountable -- but, I think this is a situation wherein she's just lying to herself. Could I be wrong? Of course... but, at the end of the day, it's not as though this story will ever be referenced again, right?

Overall, a bit of a stinker -- unevenly (and conveniently) told, probably the weakest Vignette to this point. Only worth a look for the Bolton art, which -- as usual, is a treat.

X-Lapsed, Episode 326 - X-Men Unlimited #21 (2022)

X-Lapsed, Episode Three Hundred Twenty-Six

X-Men Unlimited (vol.3) #21 (February, 2022)
"Downtime: Featuring Madrox & Strong Guy"
By Jason Loo
Letters - VC's Joe Sabino
Edits - Amaro, Cebulski
On-App: February 7, 2022

Life of Wolverine #5 (February, 2022)
"Chapter Five: Guided by Shadows"
Writer - Jim Zub
Art - Ramon Bachs
Colors - Java Tartaglia
Letters - VC's Joe Sabino
Edits - Baumgartner, Basso, White, Cebulski
On-App: February 17, 2022

Because absolutely, positively nobody demanded it - X-Lapsed has returned (for today, anyway).  It's Unlimited day... mostly because I was in the middle of writing this script when I decided to hang things up a few weeks ago.  Not much to talk about on the comics front... but, if you make it to around the twenty-minute mark, you can hear all about why there hasn't been a new episode of the show in nearly a month!

If you only listen to one episode of X-Lapsed this month... well, it'll probably be this one!  Huge thanks to everybody who's stuck with me!

--

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