Maximum Anniversary X-Perience (1993)

Maximum Anniversary X-Perience (1993)

Hey y'all, it's Sunday -- and so, howsabout we do something a little weird, eh? It's nice to change things up a bit every now and then... x-specially considering how "samey" our Vignettes are feeling. Maybe it's just me, but I'm starting to feel like I'm in a Groundhog Day situation with some'a them. The stories aren't the same... but, the "trappings" and tone are... if that makes any sense...?

Anyway -- let's shift gears on this Sunday, and take a look at an odd piece of "x-phemera". You all know I love my X-Men ephemera... almost as much as I love forcing horrible portmanteaus. As is normal, I found today's piece in what I lovingly refer to as a "trash box" in the back corner of a local comics shop. A "trash box" is... well, a box full of stuff that even most comics fans wouldn't consider worth rifling through. Odd papers, pamphlets, post cards, ancient magazines -- ya know, stuff ya probably couldn't get a whole lotta likes on Twitter for, or make much money on eBay with.

As the "fake ass comics historian" I present myself as being, I find (probably too much) value in some of the weirdest and niche bits of ephemera -- and, as such, I am immediately drawn to the "trash box", anytime I see one. There have even been times where this box of goodies was a literal "trash box"... like, moments away from being plopped in the dumpster. Shop owners are usually surprised and amused when I ask if I might take a look... even more so, when I actually find something I want to take home with me.

Today's piece is one of those things. A retailer-friendly promotional somethin'rnother all about the 30th Anniversaries of the X-Men and the Avengers. This is the point in the pre-ramble where I'd say that this'll be a "Just the X, ma'am" look at this thing... but, Marvel's PR department pretty much already took care of that for me! There are only a couple of pages in this entire portfolio dedicated to Earth's Mightiest! For completionists' sake, I'll include 'em.

I'll act as your 1993 tour guide, but I'm not sure x-actly how much "commentary" I'll be providing below the dashes, as -- a lot of this stuff doesn't require any, plus -- I'm not nearly as witty as I like to think I am, and so I'd only be distracting from the oddity that is -- the Maximum Anniversary X-Perience!

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Our inside front-cover advertises the Larry Hama/Mark Texeira Sabretooth miniseries, complete with die-cut gimmick cover on its first issue. This is the first we'll see of there being an attempt made at synergy between the X-Men cartoo-- er, "Animated Series" and the comics. Y'ever notice when "comics scholars" don't care for a toon, it's just a cartoon -- but, when they do, it's "upgraded" to Animated Series? Ehh, maybe I'm projecting.

Next, we're welcomed to the x-perience... and, thankfully this was written in 1993 and not "current year", because I'm sure they'd drop a line about how they "hope we survive it..." It's written with this "hello, fellow kids" sorta jive, which... we're about to find out, is the tone of the day. This bit x-plains everything we're about to see... however, since we're going to keep reading anyway, I won't spill those beans here.

From here, we learn that the Hunt for Magneto is on! If you were reading X-Men (or Avengers) comics back in ye old 1993, you'll probably remember this contest... for a few reasons. First, they had to do with a "scratch off" card that came stapled in the middle of your books -- which, speculators and fans of the day probably faced an internal struggle with. Honestly, in an era where we were really pushing the concept of comics-as-investments, it's kind of a dick move to put a scratch-off card inside the book. First, it was a card... stapled into just the bottom staple of the book... which could make your spine wonky. Second, it's a damn card, that was numbered, which in and of itself made it part of a "series". Third, have I mentioned that it's a friggin' card -- that you could scratch off (the best possible "prize" for doing so was an uncut sheet of cards). I'm guessing many'a fan back in the long ago bought multiple copies of the card-carrying books -- many of which I've happened across in the quarter-bins in recent years.

Here is a "Hunt for Magneto" card from my own Uncanny X-Men #303:

For completionists' sake, here is the official Marvel Press Release for the Hunt for Magneto contest:

Hey, howsabout another Press Release? This time for the 16-Page X-Men/Avengers (could you imagine living in a time where "X-Men" came before "Avengers"?) Anniversary Preview. Here, Marvel PR guy, Gary Guzzo, drops some knowledge about the Anniversary celebration -- and all the goodies that are going to be coming out of it.

Wanna see it? Well, here ya go (from Uncanny X-Men #302)!

Next, we have a couple'a display/promo options retailers could order - to promote both the Anniversary and their shops.

Then, some clip-art...

Next, some more promos for the "as seen on TV" Sabretooth and "Buy it or he'll kill ya!" Deadpool Miniseries'...

Then the Avengers swipe a line from Superman...

And, we have a... kinda irritating X-Men promo. It's kind of a "did you know..." where it informs us that, believe it or not -- the X-Men x-isted before they were on TV! Imagine if Marvel put have the amount of effort into promoting "current year" comics!

With the promos out of the way (for now), I'd like to introduce the true "star" of this bit of x-phemera. Marvel PR wrote up... radio ad scripts, that local comic shops could read (or maybe just order -- with their own "shop tag" inserted) and send in to radio stations. There really isn't anything I can say to add to the absolute delight these "ad reads" deliver. So, dudes, I'll just shut up and post up. Here's "Jump Start Your Heart with the X-Men":

Here's "Earths Mightiest Radio":

"In Your Face X-Men":

And, finally, the "Escape With the Avengers" radio-play:

Now, put'cher kids to bed and cover grandma's eyes, cuz it's time for the X-Men "Strip Tease"! These are "incentivized" comic strip newspaper ads, that Marvel would really like for the shops to send in to their local papers to promote the big X-Men Anniversary. So much so that, should they get their ads to run before August 1, 1993 -- Marvel will send them a special "gold" version of the Cable Hologram from the cover of X-Force #25! I tried finding a pic of the "gold 'gram" online... but, it would appear as though everybody on eBay considers their copy to be "gold". Hmm...

Here are the foursome of "strips". I considered doing my usual "Chris is on Infinite Earths" style play-by-play for these... but, a) this was supposed to be a "gimme" post, and I've already been working on it for two hours, and b) I'm just not witty enough to add anything here (not that that's stopped me before!):

Then, we've got an ad for the "free" Magneto #0. Now, this one was a bane of my young collector's soul. The Magneto one-shot... that was a special order limited deal... during a time of heightened speculation. I did NOT get a copy of this back in ye ol' 93 -- but, have come into several copies of it in the 50¢ bins in the years since -- including one signed by Fabian Nicieza!

Here's a copy of the Magneto #0 "check-off card"... swiped from eBay, because mine is packed away Lord knows where...

Hungry for more Press Releases? Well, our man Gary Guzzo's still pumpin'em out. This one is cartoo... err, "Animated Series" focused -- really playing up the killer ratings the show does each and every Saturday Morning. Oh, and also -- if you want a lazy comic book based on it -- welcome to the fold, X-Men Adventures!

Press Release for Magneto #0:

Press Release for the spiral-bound X-Men: Survival Guide to the Mansion... which, I think I have kickin' around somewhere... but, again -- I couldn't even hazard a guess as to where it might be!

More Press Releases... Deadpool and Sabretooth are gettin' minis, donchaknow...

X-Men Anniversary Merch Page... which might just double as my "shopping list" going forward...

And, finally... out inside back-cover sports a Deadpool miniseries Display ad.

--

While we're on the X-Men at 30 kick... howsabout a (very) quick look at Marvel Age #122 (March, 1993):

--

Well, there ya have it -- a post that I originally saw as a "gimme", that ran me from dark o'clock AM til mid-morning. That'll learn me for looking for a shortcut!

An odd and interesting piece of X-Phemera from the comic shop junk heap, that I'm happy to have -- and even happier to have been able to share. I'm assuming most of the folks reading this probably won't get much of anything out of it -- but, for the one or two of you who DO, I'm happy to have put the time in.

X-Men Vignettes, Chapter Twenty-Three (1988)

X-Men Vignettes #23 (1988)
"Nightcrawler's High Adventure"
Writer - Chris Claremont
Art - John Bolton
Letters - Tom Orzechowksi
Colors - Glynis Oliver
Edits - Kavanagh, Edelman, Nocenti, Harras, DeFalco
From: Classic X-Men #23 (July, 1988)

Don'tcha just hate when some jag starts their thought by saying something trite like "They say a picture's worth a thousand words..."? I know I do -- but well, I guess I'm kinduva jag, cuz here we are.

If you look at the cover image here... it, well... it basically tells the entire story I'm about to spend several hundred, if not an entire thousand words talking about. It's... it. I mean, I could just as well post that pic alone, and you'd get just as much out of this piece as you ultimately will be the time you get to the bottom of the page -- only, you won't have spent 5-10 minutes of your lives here!

Now, if that ain't a selling point -- let's hurdle over the dashes and get right into it!

--

We open with our feature character, Nightcrawler, stranded on some desert isle -- holding his head, and wondering just where in the hell he is. We're immediately thrust back into Flashback Land to get us a little bit of context. Ya see, the X-Men were on board the Jinguchi Maru on their way to Japan -- which occurred in real-time during X-Men #117 (January, 1979), which was also the lead-off story in this ish of Classix... you know the drill. Anyway, after being rescued by Captain Hama and his crew, the weather started getting rough... and the big ol' freighter was tossed. Kurt recalls asking Storm if there's anything she might be able to do about the harsh weather -- to which, she gets quite perturbed and tells him that she's already doing everything she can. On his way out, our hero spots a woman falling overboard -- and so, he BAMFs into action, catching the lady as she falls. Unfortunately for him, he kinda loses where he's at when they hit the drink, and so he cannot BAMF them back onto the boat. Instead, they just wind up following the tide, and smashing into a reef. Kurt wakes up on the beach of the atoll... but there's no sign of Eiko Shimura, the woman he saved.

Nightcrawler attempts to collect himself so he can go about searching the area for Ms. Shimura. He does find her "oilskins", which are apparently waterproof clothes. I'd never heard that term before... so, I suppose I just learned something. Anyway, he finds her "oilskins", which clarifies to him that, at the very least, she did wash up on the same beach as him. In the hills, Kurt sees a shiny reflection amid the trees. He hikes his way to it to check it out. What he finds is something out of the pilot to LOST. A crashed plane! This is the Madripoor Clipper. Kurt calls out to Eiko, hoping that she might be hiding out in the belly of the Boeing.

Our man climbs inside the wreckage, and among all the funk he finds... a trunk. Inside the trunk are some old adventurers' clothes -- pith helmet, pistol -- it's the whole "Dr. Livingston, I presume" ensemble. He tries 'em on for size... because, it's not like there's anything pressing or time-sensitive he ought to be attending to. He even models his new duds in front of the trunk-lid mirror. In the reflection, he's shocked to see a skull on a pike -- with a phallic object jammed in its mouth.

Our man then finds himself attacked by... Kylun? Well, no -- not really... but, a very Kylun-esque critter indeed. Kurt pulls out the Madripoorean pistol... which proves to be very little use. This really evokes the sort of whimsical levity you'd see in an old swashbuckling adventurer serial -- which, is probably the point. As not-Kylun swipes at our hero, he BAMFs around behind him and kayoes the beastie by booting him head-first into a nearby tree.

Kurt takes this opportunity to get a closer look at his attacker. It's wearing Eiko's life preserver... and a scrap of armor with what looks like a letter "M". It's actually a pair of mountains... which Nightcrawler is able to locate deeper into the island via a pair of binocks. Since we're running out of pages, it's time for things to become mighty convenient. Kurt deduces that it's inside these mountains where Eiko is being held.

And, whattayaknow, he's right! Kurt BAMFs over to the mountain... and finds out that it's actually an old volcano. Deep inside the crater, he watches as more Kyluns and a Priest lead Eiko to a stone table that they likely bought at "Human Sacrifices R Us". Eiko isn't struggling or fighting... it seems she's accepted her fate.

So, Eiko's laid out on the slab... the Priest lifts his ceremonial sharp bit of stone... and, well -- remember that scene from the "cover" of this story? Yeah, that's what happens. Nightcrawler waits until the very last second before BAMFing in to sock the priest in the mush. Our man's got a little bit of a flair for the dramatic, eh?

Kurt then fights off the Kyluns and goes to rescue the damsel. Only, by now the Priest has recovered -- and uses his glowing eyes to seemingly put Nightcrawler in a trance. Our hero collapses on the slab next to Eiko. Looks like our Evil Priest is getting himself a "twofer". Only, not really... because when he goes to plunge his stone into... well, either Kurt or Eiko -- they BAMF outta there.

We wrap up with Kurt pulling himself and Eiko up from a piece of the crag. It's revealed here that Kurt was only feigning that he was kayoed by the Priest's mental control... because, I don't know? It's not like he couldn't have just grabbed Eiko and BAMFed away from the get-go, right? It's not like he lulled the Priest in so he could beat him up s'more or kill him? Seems kinda pointless, dunnit? Anyway, Kurt fires a flare into the sky -- moments later, a bolt of lightning seems to answer this distress call. Kurt knows that Storm and the X-Men are likely on their way to rescue him. I say "him", because, far as I know, we never see Eiko again... I'm going to assume she ultimately chose the island life. Well, after "repaying" the Fuzzy Elf... in some form or fashion -- which we won't think about too hard.

--

Well, this was a lot better than Storm the Sky Pirate!

It was also kinda nice to see an actual "swashbuckling" Nightcrawler story. That's something I talk about a bit on X-Lapsed whenever Nightcrawler comes up. So many X-Fans have this weird knee-jerk reply to anything Nightcrawler -- it's like automatic "Swashbuckling!" To which, I've often asked "Where the hell IS the swashbuckling?" -- I'll also ask when the last time they actually sat down and read a Nightcrawler story was -- but, that's just me being a... lemme check good ol' social media... of yes, a "gatekeeping manbaby". Comic fans treat each other with such respect, eh?

It's so seldom we see "light" Nightcrawler stories -- as he's usually bogged down with Catholic guilt, or moral quandaries... and has been for decades at this point. So, in that way, this was pretty refreshing to see. As a story, it was light, fun, and very "serial-y". I also really dug how they evoked the old masthead from Amazing High Adventure for the story title.

All told, this one falls into the "enjoyable but not much to say about it" pile. It fills in some time that... maybe we didn't actually need to see filled, but at the end of the day it didn't hurt anybody or anything. A nice Nightcrawler spotlight to further flesh-out his character to a generation of folks who may've missed out the first time around -- while also adding to the lore for those who've been there from the Second Genesis.

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Letters Page:

If you're anything like me (and Lord help you if you are), you probably noticed the absolute glut of Editors credited on this issue. Usually (as in, current year), I'd make a joke about how it seems like the more editors they add, the less editing actually gets done. Here though, it seems as though Harras and Edelman have been added to the roster simply to attend to the Classic X-Mail Page.

Speaking of the X-Mail -- it would appear as though the readers of ye old 1986-1988 had a very favorable opinion on the "Nightcrawler sees dead people" Vignette from Chapter Nine. I thought that story was "just okay"... and suggested it could've been any character in the feature role. Reading these fan letters... does not change my opinion. Heck, sometimes it can -- just, not this time.