One Page at a Time: Marvel Riot #1, Page Two & Three

Marvel Riot #1 (December, 1995)
“X-Men Alphalpha”, Page One
Plot – Scott Lobdell
Words/Art – Hilary Barta
Inks – Rurik Tyler
Letters – Richard Starkings & Comicraft
Colors – Mike Worley
Edits – (Mariano) Nicieza, Potts

Just two days in, and already breaking the rules of this little project.

Well, sorta...

I mean, I know I'm calling this bizarre and pointless mess "One Page at a Time", but I thought it'd be kind of a dick move to only cover half of a double-page spread today... so, we'll bend the self-imposed rules a wee little bit. Hopefully I won't still be writing this piece come dinner time. I tell y'all, that first page was a doozy.

--

So, last time out, Bishop climbed a stack of comic corpses trying to get... somewhere. We ended our chat with him begging us to turn the page, and so... here we are

Here, our hero runs into... the X-Men! Or, rather, the amalgamated Age of Apocalypse X-Men. Magneto welcomes him, and assures him that he is now safe. Gotta say, right off the bat how refreshing it is that they're actually using the characters' real names here. If you're an X-Lapsed listener, which undoubtedly, one or two of you... uh, might be... you may remember the X-Men flavored issue of Not Brand Echh I covered not too long ago. In it, they... really tweaked the character names... and showed us all just how creative they can be. For x-ample, Cyclops became... Cyclomps! Hilarious, amirite? Anyway, all's I'm sayin' ova hea' is that I'm happy they're leavin' the names be.

So, let's meet our gang of characters, eh? Apologies for the shininess of the pics... this is that horrid mid-90's "blister in the sun" paper, after all. Nothing like making your product look like crap by "classing it up" to the same type of paper that Good Housekeeping uses!

Bishop

Real Name: Lucas Bishop - First Appearance: Uncanny X-Men #282 (November, 1991)
Created by Jim Lee & Whilce Portacio

Still a relatively new character in 1995. We first met Bishop when he was a member of the XSE (Xavier's Security Enforcers) from the far-flung future. Flanked by fellow XSEers Malcolm and Randall, Bishop came to the 20th Century to chase down the time-traveling baddie, Trevor Fitzroy. He would be invited to join the X-Men, a team who he saw as legends during his youth.

Nightcrawler

Real Name: Kurt Wagner - First Appearance: Giant-Size X-Men #1 (May, 1975)
Created by Dave Cockrum & Len Wein

Joined the All-New, All-Different "International" X-Men who'd save the originals from Krakoa. Was originally conceived by Dave Cockrum as a member of DC's Outsiders (not those Outsiders... or those other Outsiders), a team set to spin out from the Legion of Super-Heroes. DC Editor, Murray Boltinoff would pass on the character, finding him a bit too "funny looking".

In the comics, Kurt would stick around with the X-Men until being knocked into a coma during the Mutant Massacre. As he was recuperating, the X-Men would "die" in Dallas, Texas. From here, he would hook up with Excalibur, where he'd remain up to (and past) the Age of Apocalypse story arc. Looks like Barta and Friends almost forgot to include him in this here page!

Magneto

Real Name: Max Eisenhardt or Erik Lensherr... they go back and forth on this one - First Appearance: X-Men #1 (September, 1963)
Created by Stan and Jack

The X-Men's original "big-bad"... and the Master of Magnetism. Magneto led the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants, and was just an all around pain-in-the-ass for the first 66 issues of Volume One.

Stan Lee would say in 2008 that he never saw Magneto as a villain, which... I dunno about y'all, but that sounds like a very "Stan Lee" thing to say, dunnit? Let's let him tell it:

•  “I did not think of Magneto as a bad guy.  He just wanted to strike back at the people who were so bigoted and racist… he was trying to defend the mutants, and because society was not treating them fairly he was going to teach society a lesson.  He was a danger, of course… but I never thought of him as a villain.”

Now, far be it from me to argue with The Man, but... c'maaaaaaaaahn.

It'd be Chris Claremont, some fifteen years later, who would use the Malcolm X/Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. inspiration for the Magneto/Professor X relationship.

As of the Age of Apocalypse, Magneto was believed to be Erik Lensherr, a Sinte gypsy and Holocaust Survivor. He would meet Charles Xavier in Israel... which is where our timeline drastically splits.

In the "prime" Marvel Universe, Magnus and Xavier would debate philosophy and come to the conclusion that their points of view on society were incompatible. Magneto would swipe a cache of Nazi gold in order to finance his endeavors. He'd first run into the X-Men during an attack on Cape Citadel. After suffering a defeat, he'd assemble the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants. He'd wind up getting captured by the Cosmic Being known as The Stranger, and after a few comebacks, wind up tossed into the Savage Land. He'd tangle with the Avengers, the X-Men, the Defenders -- like I said, he's a real pain-in-the-ass... and, despite what Stan sez in 2008, a "villain".

During a run-in with the Defenders, Magneto is reduced to infanthood by Alpha the Ultimate Mutant. He's eventually restored to adulthood, and captures the "new" X-Men under the guise of Shi'ar Agent, Eric the Red. Later, he'd begin to "soften" after nearly killing Kitty "Don't call me Kate... yet" Pryde. He sees that she's wearing a Star of David, and stops himself before going too far.

Magneto learns (or reveals) that Quicksilver and the Scarlet Witch are his children (Vision and the Scarlet Witch #4 - February, 1983). He's swept away to Battleworld with the X-Men for Secret Wars, where it's notable that he was left on the "heroes" side when the Beyonder split up his castaways into good/evil "teams". Upon return, Magneto would be put on trial for his crimes against humanity/the world (Uncanny X-Men #200). The charges would be dismissed.

Magneto would take over as the Headmaster of the Xavier School while Charles went off-planet to engage in some bird-person lovemaking. Magneto would guide the New Mutants. He'd also join the Hellfire Club as its White King, eventually giving the Black King, Sebastian Shaw, the boot. He kinda flips the script here, claiming that his time as one of the good guys was a ruse, and he was only using the X-Men and New Mutants as pawns to further his cause to take over the world.

During the Acts of Vengeance event, Magneto would (very briefly) team with Red Skull... which is, ya know, awkward.

He'd work with the X-Men and Nick Fury during a Savage Land adventure (Uncanny X-Men #275), during which he'd grow to be quite fond of, and chummy with, Rogue. Following the Muir Island Saga, Magneto was officially back as a bad guy... he'd command his team of Acolytes to do some pretty nasty stuff. He was assumed to be dead after this bit, and would lay low until the Fatal Attractions crossovent. Here he'd go from "complex villain" to... full-on foaming at the mouth lunatic.

Magneto would interrupt the funeral of Illyana Rasputin (who was the first fatality of the Legacy Virus). He'd sway longtime loyal X-Man, Colossus, to his cause... and, of course, this is the story where he nyoinks Wolverine's Adamantium out of his hairy li'l body. Fatal Attractions ended with Professor X psychically lobotomizing Magneto... which, probably won't lead to anywhere or anything at all, right? Anyway, that gets us to the here-and-now.

Rogue

Real Name: Anna Marie (LeBeau, as of "current year") - First Appearance: Avengers Annual #10 (October, 1981)
Created by Chris Claremont & Michael Golden

Rogue was a runaway who left home after her mutant power of "absorption via touch" kicked in just as she was making out with her boyfriend, Cody. Her powers were uncontrollable, leading to her having to wear gloves to avoid any and all skin-to-skin contact with others. She'd be picked up by Mystique and Destiny, and wound up joining their Brotherhood of Evil Mutants. During this time, she'd wind up "permanently" absorbing the powers of Ms. Marvel, Carol Danvers.

She'd eventually see the error of her ways and join the X-Men. She's been romantically linked to Gambit since around as long as I've been reading the stuff. Here, though, in the AoA, she's hooked up with Magneto. Speaking of Gambit...

Gambit

Real Name: Remy LeBeau - First Appearance: Uncanny X-Men #266 (August, 1990) -- or, Uncanny X-Men Annual #14 (July, 1990) if you wanna look like a real "in the know" social media savage -- or, just happen to have a few copies of it you're trying to move...
Created by Chris Claremont & Jim Lee

A thief (and, if this page is to be believed, sewer-dwelling foot-fetishist), who was prophesized to unite the Thieves and Assassins Guilds. Y'all bored yet? Man, I hated those stories. Anyway, though it hadn't yet been revealed, Gambit was the one who led the Marauders into the Morlock Tunnels for the Mutant Massacre. Those beans wouldn't be spilled until Uncanny X-Men #350... though, by then, it was kinda the worst kept secret in comics.

Gambit would join the X-Men shortly before the Original Five made their return to the fold. He'd be romantically linked to the woman who's foot he's licking, and prior to the AoA, was on the X-Men's Blue Strike Force... even though, by then the lines were kinda blurred.

Wild Child

Real Name: Kyle Gibney - First Appearance: Alpha Flight #1 (August, 1983)
Created by John Byrne

Tossed out by his parents due to his odd appearance, Kyle found himself taken captive by the Secret Empire, where he was experimented on. He'd eventually be found by some Canadian Agents and handed over to Department H -- ya know, doze people wit' the Alpha Flights. Wild Child would join Gamma Flight, and eventually become Weapon Omega -- a less animalistic version of himself. Here, he's basically Sabretooth's dog. Speakin' a whom...

Sabretooth

Real Name: Victor Creed - First Appearance: Iron Fist #14 (August, 1977)
Created by Chris Claremont & John Byrne

A member of the CIA Covert-Ops unit Team X, a Mercenary Killer, member of the Marauders... a very busy boy, indeed. What's more, he was also intended by Chris Claremont to eventually be revealed as being Wolverine's father.

Claremont sez: "Father and Son. That's why Sabretooth always considered Logan 'sloppy seconds' to his 'original/real deal'." His point is well taken, though... I'm not sure "sloppy seconds" means what you think it does there, CC.

Claremont continues: "The other critical element in my presentation of their relationship was that, in their whole life, Logan has never defeated Sabretooth in a knock-down, drag-out, kill-or-be-killed berserker fight. By the same token, on every one of his birthdays, Sabretooth has always managed to find him, no matter where Logan was or what he was doing, and come within an inch of killing him. For no other reason than to remind him that he could."

Perhaps it's worth noting that just as the M'Kraan crystal was doin' its thang prior to the AoA setting in, Wolverine did manage to run a claw thru Vic's brain. Also, the "Sabretooth is Wolverine's daddy" bit was debunked in Wolverine (vol.2) #42 (July, 1991).

Vic was a member of the Marauders during the Mutant Massacre which wiped out a whole bunch'a Morlocks. As we approached the AoA, Sabretooth had just spent some time as a captive in the X-Mansion, and wound up actually helping the good guys in their battle against the Phalanx.

Lookin' like that lady who tries to bum cigarettes off bowling alley patrons

Jubilee

Real Name: Jubilation Lee - First Appearance: Uncanny X-Men #244 (May, 1989)
Created by Chris Claremont & Marc Silvestri

Jubilee was an orphan in Beverly Hills... her parents having been murdered by a pair of hitmen. She would escape the orphanage and move into the Hollywood Mall, where she'd use her fireworks paffin' powers to entertain the patrons. One day she'd run into Storm, Rogue, Dazzler, and Psylocke in the midst of one of their rare "girls day out". This was during the Outback Era, and the X-Ladies were able to visit the mall via one of Gateway's portals. Jubilee secrets her way back with them.

While Down Unduh, Jubilee hides out in the X-Men's base. While sneaking around, she happens across Wolverine being tortured by the Reavers. This is that semi-iconic scene of the crucified Wolverine on the giant "X". She helps him, and together they escape to Madripoor... and it becomes a whole big thing.

For lack of a better term, she becomes Wolverine's sorta-kinda sidekick, and winds up officially joining the X-Men. Following the Muir Island Saga and the "shakeup", she joins the Blue Strike Force. Following the Phalanx Covenant, she's demoted (and de-aged), joining Generation X. I don't think she called Professor Xavier a jerk though, which, in hindsight is kind of a missed opportunity. I guess Scott Lobdell wasn't trying to prove he's a bigger X-Fan than the actual readership...

Storm

Real Name: Ororo Munroe - First Appearance: Giant-Size X-Men #1 (May, 1975)
Created by Dave Cockrum & Len Wein

Part of the All-New, All-Different X-Men who rescued the originals from Krakoa. Storm was originally conceived as a shape-shifting catlike woman by Dave Cockrum, which we've already talked about a couple'a times here on the blog.

It was revealed that she was a pickpocket growing up in Kenya, and she just so happened to try and pick the pocket of Professor X. Shortly into her time with the X-Men, she'd become something of a mentor to Kitty Pryde... ya know, before scaring the bejeezus out of her by getting a mohawk. Worth noting, the Storm we see here complains that she has the worst hairstyle outta anyone in the book. Gotta say, she's probably not in the top ten of worst looks here! Anyway, back to the mohawk... Kitty's reaction was apparently based on Walter Simonson's daughter's reaction upon seeing her father beardless for the first time. So, that's pretty cute -- too bad the current-year X-Books can't stop referencing it.

Forge would create a mutant power nullifier, and was planning to zap Rogue with it in attempt to get her powers under control. He'd hit Storm instead, leaving her powerless for awhile. We mustn't forget that, even without powers, Storm was able to best Cyclops in a one-on-one fight to take over leadership of the X-Men (Uncanny X-Men #201) -- sending Scott into retirement... which lasted less than a month. Also, it would later be hinted at (or just plain said) that Storm only won the fight due to Madelyne Pryor's interference. Whether or not that's true is often left to whatever current-year writer is referencing it... and how much of a badass they wanna portray Storm as.

During her depowered days, Storm spent some time in another dimension with Forge (Lifedeath). Her powers would return. Following the Fall of the Mutants, Storm would be part of the Outback Team. She'd be regressed into a child state by Nanny... be rescued by Gambit... be later brainwashed into a Genoshan Magistrate (X-Tinction Agenda)... but, she'd recover from all'a that before the big "shake up". Following the Muir Island Saga, Storm would serve as the leader of the X-Men's Gold Strike Force.

No More Wandas

Scarlet Witch

Real Name: Wanda Maximoff - First Appearance: X-Men #4 (March, 1964)
Created by Stan 'n Jack

Here comes a mea culpa... back when Reggie and I covered the Age of Apocalypse (Cosmic Treadmill, Episodes 100-105), we mistakenly assumed that the singer "Scarlet McKenzie", who performed at Angel's "Heaven" Nightclub in Manhattan was the Scarlet Witch. She was not. Sorry 'bout that!

Wanda would debut alongside her brother (and not-father) as a member of the original Brotherhood of Evil Mutants. Following Magneto's capture by The Stranger, she and Pietro would join up with the Avengers, as part of "Cap's Kooky Quartet". She'd be eventually romantically linked with the Vision... and Android. They'd even have some kids together... sorta. During her time with the West Coast Avengers, Wanda would briefly be corrupted by Magneto. This was following the VisionQuest story - a divisive little ditty, wherein the Vision lost his humanity (and red n green pigment), so she wasn't exactly in all that good of a place to begin with. She'd eventually get over it though -- sorta. We readers have been paying the price for this story for the past few decades. Here, Marvel had the good sense to just put her out of our misery.

Danny the Brick wants his gimmick back

Morph

Real Name: Kevin Sydney - First Appearance: X-Men #35 (August, 1967)
Created by Roy Thomas & Werner Roth

Back in the long ago, this brick was a baddie who went by the name Changeling. We discussed him quite a bit during the interminable Factor Three storyline. After that (spoiler alert for the one-and-a-half listeners of The Essential X-Lapsed), he would take on the form of Professor X, so Charles could fake his own death. Changeling would remain dead... forevermore (well, they kinda mistakenly shoved him into a panel during the post-HoXPoX stuff, but whatever)

Morph would be brought back for X-Men: The Animated Series... and he's back again for the Age of Apocalypse, though he looks nothing like the Changeling or the TAS Morph. Though, in fairness... he is a shape-shifter, eh? We're going to see him take many shapes during Marvel Riot.

I know the next bit will mention that it's hot out... but, Blink's anatomy tells a different story

Blink

Real Name: Clarice Ferguson - First Appearance: Uncanny X-Men #317 (October, 1994)
Created by Scott Lobdell & Joe Madureira

By the time of the AoA, we'd only very briefly met Blink. This was during the Generation X lead-in, The Phalanx Covenant, where she was among the new-new mutants. She sacrificed herself to save the rest of the eventual X-Kids. Since this was literally four-months before the Age of Apocalypse, I suppose it's safe to assume she was still on Scott Lobdell's mind? Not sure why she's carrying golf clubs here -- maybe it'll make more sense later? She does ask a pretty interesting question though...

Omega Mutant Powers! Reach that potential, Bobby!

Iceman

Real Name: Bobby Drake - First Appearance: X-Men #1 (September, 1963)
Created by Stan 'n Jack

This poor puddle of a man was one of the Original Five -- the first of the O5 we're seeing to this point! He was created by Stan Lee, essentially as "a copy of the Human Torch". Following the "first sixty-six", Bobby would join the Champions alongside fellow X-Pat, Angel. Champions writer, Tony Isabella hoped to write a "buddy series" with the two, but Marvel insisted that it be a team-book. He'd join the Defenders when the Champions went kaput, he'd also become one of Spider-Man's televised Amazing Friends!

The launch of X-Factor brought the O5 back together, and, well, Bobby... being one'a the O5 was a part of it. During his time with X-Factor, his ice powers were supercharged by Loki, requiring him to wear an inhibitor belt to keep himself under control. Following the Muir Island Saga, he'd return to the X-Men proper, serving as a member of the Gold Strike Force. Ever since then (up to today), writers seem to forget that Iceman is even there, until they write the bi-annual story where he learns he's not living up to his potential!

Quicksilver

Real Name: Pietro Maximoff - First Appearance: X-Men #4 (March, 1964)
Created by Stan 'n Jack

See the first couple'a paragraphs of the Scarlet Witch's bio. Instead of falling in love with an Android... Pietro falls in love with something far more perverse... a friggin' Inhuman! Quicksilver would marry and procreate with Crystal the Inhuman. She would give birth to Luna. What's worse -- she'd wind up cheating on him. Wow, imagine a boring-ass Inhuman cheating on you!

Pietro would be mind-controlled and forced to go bad by Maximus, leading an android version of the Zodiac organization against the good guys. Once his mind cleared, he'd rejoin the Avengers (West Coast)... and eventually wind up with (the government-run) X-Factor... which, I'm pretty sure he was still a part of (at least tangentially) when the AoA kicked off.

Those are out X-Men... but, we're not done yet!

X-Ray Spex

Real Name: I'm Kidding.

X-Ray Specs were a novelty item sold in comic books for... like ever, right? We've all seen them... with varying, and often perverse promises being made to the buyer. The pervert pictured here is actually the one on the "X-Ray Spex" package. Anybody reading this actually own a pair of these things? Reggie and I were trying to find 'em for a Weird Comics History piece we were working on. We probably should'a just pulled the trigger and ordered off Amazon. Oh well. Regrets pile high. Anyway, this creep is getting a better look at Blink... who, is probably the youngest person on the page.

Here's a look at the X-Ray Spex packaging:

So, how these suckers work? Do they work? Can you actually check out how well your broken bones are mending after you tell a pretty young thing that you can see under their clothes?

Well, I hate to break any hearts or minds, but it's all an illusion. I know... I don't wanna believe it myself. The gimmick in play here is that the lenses of yer spex are made of a couple of layers of cardboard. There's a small hole in each one, for which to, ya know - see through. In between each of the cardboard lenses is a feather. The feather causes a light-diffracting effect, which slightly offsets what you're seeing. This gives the effect that you're seeing both the inside and outside of a particular thing -- where, all you're actually seeing is one darker glob of item inside a slightly less dark glob of an item. There, I saved ya a 1965's worth of a dollar!

Bob Harras?

Is this supposed to be Bob Harras? I dunno... he's usually depicted as having an incurable case of five o'clock shadow. For Bob's sake, I hope it isn't him... because he's here getting perhaps a little too bit comfy with Blink... who, again, probably the youngest person on this page. Izzit Scott Lobdell? Joe Mad? Roger Cruz? I really dunno -- usually these cameos are a bit easier to identify.

Finally, there's... this li'l critter hidden in the top left-hand corner of our spread...

I'm not sure who or what this is... but, I'm very interested in finding out. This li'l bugger has captivated me... I really wanna know more about it! I was never much of a What The--?! reader... is this some sorta Easter Egg?

Whatever it is... I wanna see more of it!

Anyway... there ya have it -- another day that I assumed would be a "gimme", that took me the better part of five hours to compose. What's wrong with me? We don't get a whole lot of "story" here -- but, we'll rectify that soon enough. For now, we're busy laying the (unnecessary) foundation. What's important is -- Bishop's found the X-Men.

As with Part One - here's a side-by-side of the Riot Page with the one (I assume) it's evoking from X-Men Alpha #1:

Next time out -- five panels of headaches, soliloquy, and my lecture on Legion Quest! Please come back anyway!

One Page at a Time: Marvel Riot #1, Page One

Marvel Riot #1 (December, 1995)
"X-Men Alphalpha", Page One
Plot - Scott Lobdell
Words/Art - Hilary Barta
Inks - Rurik Tyler
Letters - Richard Starkings & Comicraft
Colors - Mike Worley
Edits - (Mariano) Nicieza, Potts

Okay gang - what follows might be the stupidest... or laziest idea I've had in a long while.

Now, if you've been following along during our X-Men Vignettes endeavor, you might know that I'm missing a few of the issues of Classic X-Men I'm gonna need in order to see it through (stupid self-imposed rules) -- and, with Vignette #27, we've reached one of them. I'm still on the lookout, and will be dedicating a few trips over the next few days to tracking them down -- so, the project is by no mean abandoned... it's just on a (hopefully very brief) hiatus.

I considered pulling a Todd McFarlane, and just skipping to Vignette #28... and just backfilling whenever I got a hold of #27... but, I can barely keep this stuff straight as it is! Even linear numbers are too damn mindboggling for your humble host.

So, what's an idiot to do when he wants to keep putting out daily content... but has hit a roadblock such as this? Well, I think over the past six years I've proven to be rather adaptable... when, and only when, I'm forced. So, here goes nothin'.

Yesterday I figured I'd just cover 1995's Marvel Riot #1 here today. I mean, it's weird, it's X'y, it's not something you see everyday -- and, hell -- even as the Fake-Ass Comics Historian I claim to be, I didn't even know it x-isted until happening upon it in a random "M-Bin" a few months back! I gave it a quick read that same day -- thought it was a lot of fun -- but, didn't really think about it again.

But, ya know, duty calls, right? I thought this'd be a perfect bit of weirdness to share here today. An Age of Apocalypse piss-take -- and a brutally honest one, at that -- by Hilary Barta and Friends, what could go wrong?

Well -- here's what might go wrong -- there are so many fun nods, gags, and references crammed into every single page (almost every single panel), that if I were to do the normal CioIE piece on this, I'd very likely miss a bunch of 'em! As I sat down to give the ish a proper re-read last night, it took me several minutes just to get through the first page. My mind started darting in several different directions... I started getting that researcher's "itch" -- I wanted to be able to try and get and share every reference I could -- and, even as a self-professed Fake-Ass Comics Historian -- I'm not sure I'll be able to!

I'll try my best though.

But how though? Well, by going page-by-page and doing my damnedest to Annotate this wonderful little piece of 90s satire. I've heard that there are video and podcast series that dedicate entire installments to a single minute of a piece of film, or television show. I've never watched or listened to one, because, if I'm being honest, that sounds prrrrrrretty dreadful... at least to me.

Today though, I'm gonna steal a page outta that book -- and begin our look at Marvel Riot #1... One Page at a Time.

Like I said at the jump... this might be my stupidest... or laziest idea yet!

By the way -- if you notice that I missed (or misidentified) a reference, please let me know so I can add/correct! Thanks!

--

Marvel Riot, Page One - Panels 1-3

This page echoes the first page of X-Men Alpha almost perfectly. Not exactly a panel-by-panel recreation (obviously), but pretty damn close. This is Bishop's climb up the stack of putrefying bodies in Seattle. As a pretty big fan of the Seattle area (which is to say, I land at Sea-Tac, pick up my rental and get outta the city as quickly as possible), this checks out. Anyway, Bishop climbs over the "rotting comic book characters" -- hopefully I'll be able to name most of 'em.

Panel 1

We've got Mickey Mouse -- and, I respect all of you far too much to make an "isn't that ironic" sorta statement. Also, Deadman, Bugs Bunny... a few (seemingly?) generic toons... and a dead baby. Wow, nothin' sez startin' off hot like a dead baby in panel one!

I should probably at least try and do the Cosmic Treadmilly thing here, eh? Okay, okay...

Mickey Mouse first appeared in the 1928 cartoon short, Steamboat Willie. His first comic appearance was as a King Features strip which debuted on January 13, 1930, written by Walt Disney with art by Ub Iwerks and Win Smith (later Floyd Gottfredson). The strips would start being collected in Walt Disney's Comics and Stories in 1940 -- published by Dell Comics. The series continues even to this day, having jumped publishers several times over the past 80 or so years -- though, oddly (but somewhat unsurprisingly), never published by Marvel!

In 1995, Mickey's comic adventures were being published by Gladstone in Walt Disney's Donald and Mickey... which ran until July. This would be replaced by Donald Duck and Mickey Mouse (also from Gladstone). I guess new #1's were a thing even in mid-90's Disney comics?

Bugs Bunny first appeared in 1940's A Wild Hare... though, his "preliminary debut" is considered to be as "Happy Rabbit" in Porky's Hare Hunt (1938). His first comic appearance (as far as I can tell) was in Large Feature Comics #8 (1942) published by Dell Comics. LFC was a pretty strange series to look at through "current year" eyes. It's comprised of various licensed characters from the newspaper funnies. We've got Dick Tracy, Terry and the Pirates, Popeye, Pluto, Barney Google and Snuffy Smith. Very interesting stuff... if you're into that.

Come 1995, Looney Tunes comics were being published by DC Comics -- and, believe it or not -- still are! Gotta assume Bugs showed/shows up there from time to time.

Deadman first appeared in Strange Adventures #205 (October, 1967) and was created by Arnold Drake and Carmine Infantino. We've talked plenty about ol' Boston Brand here at the site -- and, if I had the hours to dedicate to properly installing "tags" to the several thousand posts here -- I'd make those discussions very easy to find! For now though, if you're interested in my take, just queue up "Deadman" in the search bar!

Deadman actually had a wee bit of a presence in 1995 -- which, surprises me somewhat. He would appear in Lobo/Deadman: The Brave and the Bald one-shot (January, 1995). A collected edition containing the Mike Baron/Kelley Jones prestige-format stories Exorcism and Love After Death would be released as Deadman: Lost Souls (May), Boston would also pop up in Underworld Unleashed: Abyss -- Hell's Sentinel #1 the same month as Marvel Riot (December, 1995).

Panel 2

Bishop continues his climb, making his way past Batman, Donald Duck (with a face on his butt?), and... this might be a reach... but, I think the fellow in the pointed hat is supposed to be Moebius' Arzach? Yeah, let's go with that for now.

If you're reading this site, Batman probably needs no introduction. If you accidentally stumbled upon this site while looking for something far more interesting... here's the beyond quick n dirty. Batman first appeared in Detective Comics #27 (May, 1939), and was created by Bob Kane and Bill Finger... or Bill Finger and Bob Kane, whichever you prefer. I actually covered his first adventure here on the site, as it was reprinted in Detective Comics #627 (1991). Give're a click if yer interested.

As far as Bats circa-1995... well, he cries out here that he's got a film career, so -- to quote a certain song, "Same as it ever was". Back in '95, despite the fact that (just like today) DC pumps out several dozen Bat-Books (a week), all anybody wanted to talk about were the movies. 1995 was Batman Forever year, yes? I can't speak to the quality of the flick, as even as a jaded, cynical 15-year old, I knew I didn't need the movies in my life.

Odd and pointless little aside, back around 1995 I bought my first portable CD player. Probably spent a couple hundred dollars on it -- so, I could just barely afford the machine, but no CDs... which, obviously isn't ideal. Since I was the "comics kid" in my family, I'd be gifted a copy of the Batman Forever soundtrack... because, obviously that'd be right up my alley, yes? Needless to say, that year I listened to Seal's Kiss From a Rose and U2's Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me more than anybody else on the planet.

Where was I? Oh yeah, Batman. Just like now, nobody cared about the comics back in 1995.

Donald Duck first appeared in 1934's The Wise Little Hen cartoon short. His first comics appearance was in the February 10, 1935 Mickey Mouse strip "Editor-in-Grief"... though his first appearance in print was an ad in the June, 1934 issue of Good Housekeeping. His first comic book appearance was in Odhams Press (UK)'s Mickey Mouse Weekly #67 (May 15, 1937) in a fifteen-page story called Donald and Donna. The Donald Duck comic strip would debut on February 7, 1938 and would run until 1995 (maybe that's why he appears to be "dead" in this panel (hmmm.... okay, probably not)!

In 1995, Donald Duck was very much alive in comics form -- despite his strip being canned. As with Mickey, his exploits were being published by Gladstone, where he'd appear in the aforementioned titles as well as The Carl Barks Library of Walt Disney's Comics and Stories in Color (that's a mouthful of reprint material), Donald Duck, Walt Disney's Donald Duck Adventures, Walt Disney's Uncle Scrooge, and Walt Disney's Uncle Scrooge Adventures. Donald was a very busy boy indeed!

Arzach

Assuming that pointy-hatted feller is Arzach, he's a character I'm not terribly experienced with. The works of Moebius were definitely on the short-list for Cosmic Treadmill/Weird Comics History episodes, which sadly never came to be. One of the things about working on those projects was that it would incentivize reading things I normally wouldn't make the time for. I've said it before, and I'm sure I'll say it again -- but, when you're reading-for-content-creation, you have precious little time for "side projects". As such, the works of Jean Giraud have kinda fallen off my radar.

So, together, let's learn us a bit about this Arzach, eh? He first appeared in Metal Hurlant #1 (December, 1974). Metal Hurlant was the French Magazine from Moebius and Friends, which we in the States would later know as Heavy Metal. Arzach would appear in five issues of Heavy Metal, four in 1977 and one in 1992. The four 1977 appearances would be collected into Heavy Metal Presents: Arzach (also 1977), which is notable as Moebius' first-ever English language collection. Marvel's EPIC line would publish a slew of Moebius works as graphic novels from 1987-1991, six of which would feature our pointy-headed pal. In 1992, Kevin Eastman's publishing house Tundra would release a six-issue Legends of Arzach series, featuring the talents of Moebius, as well as a who's who of the comics industry (Wendy Pini, Paul Chadwick, Mike Mignola, among others).

1995 didn't see any Arzach stories, however, in 1996 Dark Horse Comics would release a collected reprint titled Moebius: Arzach. That same year, Caliber Comics would release a six-issue series simply called Moebius Comics. Arzach appears in it.

Panel 3

Good grief, but I've been at this for a long time -- and we're only three panels in! This third panel has Bishop pulling himself even further up the pile... with the help of Plastic Man's tongue! In addition to Plas, We've got Will Eisner's The Spirit, some cowled fella... and another fella in a red and black striped shirt. If anybody can help me identify the last two, please do!

Plastic Man first appeared in Police Comics #1 (August, 1941) published by Quality Comics and created by Jack Cole. In 1956, DC/National Comics would obtain the rights to the Quality characters, but would not reintroduce them until 1973. These included The Freedom Fighters (Uncle Sam and the Gang). In 1995 it had been a minute since Plas had done all that much -- he'd become a lot busier in the years that follow in JLA and eventually another go at his own solo ongoing. He would pop up a couple of times during the calendar year, though - first, he'd be one of the skatey-eight hundred DC Comics characters to show up at the opening of Guy Gardner's Warriors Bar in Guy Gardner: Warrior #29. Later on in the year, he'd appear in The Golden Age by James Robinson and Paul Smith.

The Spirit... is kinda like our new friend, Arzach -- a character I wish I knew more about, and who was most definitely prepped for a ride on our Cosmic Treadmill. One of our final episodes of Weird Comics History was a discussion on Eisner/Miller, the book that contained a bunch of transcribed chats between Frank Miller and Will Eisner. This was to serve as a primer for some future Eisner-centric coverage, including (obviously) The Spirit. So, let's meet him... together!

Will Eisner's The Spirit first appeared in... The Spirit #1 (June 2, 1940). The Spirit was an eight-page weekly comic strip that was inserted into several American newspapers. Eisner created the character along with Everett "Busy" Arnold, the Golden Age Publisher of Quality Comics -- so, this is a very "Quality-heavy" panel, eh? Come 1995, ol' Denny Colt wasn't doing a whole heck of a lot outside of being in some very expensive collections (like 1995's The Christmas Spirit) published by Denis Kitchen's Kitchen Sink Press who held his publishing rights. Those rights have bounced from publisher to publisher -- come the turn of the century, DC Comics would have 'em, followed by IDW, and (as of this writing) Dynamite Entertainment.

Panel 4

Thank goodness, we're on to the second row of panels! I really thought this was gonna be a "gimme"! Anyway, this fourth panel features characters whose sales have died... and they include Doctor Strange, The Punisher, and (I'm assuming) The Old Witch from EC Horror Comics.

Doctor Strange first appeared in Strange Tales #110 (July, 1963) and was created by Stan Lee and Steve Ditko... or Steve Ditko and Stan Lee, if you prefer. I'm not sure its fair to say his sales had completely died by this point, as his own solo ongoing was... well, still going (for another six months or so). Doctor Strange, Sorcerer Supreme ran for 90 issues, from cover-date November, 1990 until cover-date June, 1996. If you were to ask me, the only noteworthy thing about the entire volume was the fact that the singer Amy Grant sued Marvel over her likeness being used on the cover of issue #15.

Right-Click/Saved-As from Internet - there's hope for me yet as a bona fide Twitter Comics Historian!

The Punisher is a curious pick for this panel... at least my own skewed rose-colored hindsight sez so. Even doing a bit of research now tells me that Frank had a couple of ongoings still... ongoing (Punisher and Punisher: War Zone), along with Punisher 2099! Though, in fairness, I wanna say a couple years before this, he probably had twice as many. Also, in 1995 his original ongoing was canned and relaunched with a brand-new #1... maybe he did need a bit of a zsuszing in the sales department? Oh almost forgot, his first appearance was in Amazing Spider-Man #129 (October, 1973), and he was created by Gerry Conway, Ross Andru, and John Romita.

T.O.W.

The Old Witch... if that is in fact The Old Witch is -- say it with me, another character I have little-to-no experience with. Oh -- and stop me if you heard this a time or two before -- Golden and Silver-Age horror comics were on the Cosmic Treadmill list! Anyway, T.O.W. first appeared in EC Comics' Haunt of Fear #15 (May, 1950). I wanna say she was created by Al Feldstein... but, I can't say for sure.

By 1995, it might've been safe to say that the era of the classic horror comic was over. Or, at the very least wasn't selling the way it would back in the pre-Code days... and even into the Bronze-Age. The Old Witch, however, would pop up quite a bit in reprints this year -- published by Gemstone. Haunt of Fear, Tales from the Crypt, Vault of Horror, and Crime Suspenstories reprints came out all year long! If I were a betting man... and y'all know I'm not... I'd suggest they didn't exactly burn up the sales charts.

Panel 5

Onto the characters who died due to the glut of crossovers! Wow, once again, cue up David Byrne, cuz it's "same as it ever was". Here we've got Swamp Thing, Captain America, and... some cartoony-looking dude with a bullet hole in his chest. If anybody can identify that perforated puppet-man, please let me know!

Swamp Thing is an interesting inclusion, as this is one of the characters who had a seminal run that defined comics writing for a generation. That generation, by 1995... was long over. Now, Swampy first appeared in Swamp Thing #1 (November, 2011) and was created by Scott Sny... err, waitasec, listening to the wrong podcast -- Swamp Thing (Alex Olsen) first appeared in House of Secrets #92 (July, 1971) and was created by Len Wein and Bernie Wrightson. The Alec Holland Swampy most of us know would first appear a little over a year later in Swamp Thing #1 (November, 1972).

By 1995, Swamp Thing (vol.2) fka. Saga of the Swamp Thing was nearing the end of its run. It had been shifted over to the Vertigo Line some years prior, and would run until issue #171 (October, 1996). From there, Swamp Thing wouldn't have his own ongoing until the turn of the century. I can't say for sure that his series met its end due to the glut of crossovers -- though, I suppose I can't say it didn't either. Swamp Thing as a series was only sucked into one crossover post-Vertigo, The Children's Crusade (Swamp Thing Annual #7 - 1993) -- however, maybe the monies demanded by the glut of other comics being in constant "crossovent" mode caused Swampy to fall off'a some folks pull lists?

Captain America is a pretty ironic inclusion here -- as, in late 1995, he was just a few months away from literally losing his book due to a glut-sized crossover event! Onslaught and Heroes Reborn is just around the corner! Anyway, Cap first appeared in Captain America Comics #1 (December, 1940). He was created by Joe Simon and Jack Kirby.

Panel 6

Oh boy, we're finally here -- the end of... page one. Ya know, maybe this wasn't such a great idea. Here Bishop is just about to the top of the rotting comic character cluster. He's begging us to turn the page -- but, not so fast, kemosabe -- we've still gotta do ta t'ing. Among those comic character corpses is... Alfred E. Neuman, Zippy the Pinhead, I wanna say... Snoopy, I also wanna say... Dick Tracy, and... maybe Walt Wallet from Gasoline Alley? Maybe the drunk neighbor from Hi and Lois? I really don't know who this dude at the bottom is -- if anybody can help, please do!

So, let's start with Alfred E. Neuman. First though, full transparency - MAD Magazine has never really been my thing. In fact, I can say with certainty that I own zero issues of the thing. I've got a reprint of MAD #1 back when it was a comic book -- but, never the mag with the gap-toothed kid on the cover. MAD was... sigh, say it with me... a multiple-part Cosmic Treadmill topic in the waiting. Reggie and I did cover an ish from its comics days -- but, never got to discuss the mag. The mag's mascot (magscot? madscot?) Alfred E. Neumann first appeared on the front cover of The Mad Reader from Ballentine Books (November, 1954) -- this was a collected edition of comics from the first couple of years of MAD.

He would next appear almost hidden on the cover of MAD #21 (March, 1955) as part of a phony rubber mask advertisement. His rubber mask was called "The Idiot", and came with a price tag of $1.29. Alfred was created by Harvey Kurtzman... and, his whole story deserves a lot more time than I have to give right now. Maybe somewhere down the line we'll revisit Neumann. Maybe I'll even have a little help?

Zippy the Pinhead first appeared in Real Pulp Comics #1 (March, 1971) from Print Mint created by Bill Griffith. A very unpleasant-looking character, who I've never been able to read... because he's so unpleasant to look at. Though, in fairness, that is kind of by design. Griffith stated he was inspired by the movie Freaks (1932), which featured a microcephalic character called Schlitzie to create Zippy. Zippy would get his own strip in The Berkeley Barb, a weekly underground newspaper in Berkeley, California in 1976... it would only take a few months for it to by picked up and syndicated nationally by King Features Syndicate. Worth noting, Zippy actually coined the phrase "Are We Having Fun Yet?" in Yow Comics #2 (Last Gasp-1978). Learn something new every day!

Next up is... I wanna say Snoopy. Snoopy first appeared in Charles Schulz' Peanuts on October 4, 1950.

He wouldn't be named "Snoopy" until the November 10, 1950 strip.

And, I mean... it's Snoopy. You know who Snoopy is.

Finally (and I do mean finally), it's... I wanna say Dick Tracy. Dick Tracy is a comic strip character based on Eliot Ness, originally called "Plainclothes Tracy" created by Chester Gould who made his newspaper debut on October 4, 1931 in the Detroit Mirror. Early on, Dick Tracy (the strip not the character) would be called out for its violence... which, I suppose when you're sharing the funnies page with Little Orphan Annie, it wouldn't take much to look hyperviolent. Dick Tracy, like Alfred E. Neumann, and Snoopy above -- hell, like most of the character above -- would require pages and pages of my chatter to do even the smallest amount of justice to. So, we'll put a pin in ol' Tracy for now. Maybe there'll be some offbeat Weird Comics History-esque content in the offing? I've suddenly got the itch...

Anyway -- it's probably about time for us to finally give in to Bishop's request and, ya know, turn the damn page. Next time out... if there is a next time... I'll be pulling double-duty, cuz what follows is a good ol' two-page spread! If you enjoyed this weird little ditty, please do me a favor and let me know. Hell, if you didn't like this -- please do me the kindness of letting me know.

One last thing before I jam -- here is Page One from Riot... and Page One of X-Men Alpha, so you can fully appreciate the homage being paid here.

X-Men Vignettes, Chapter Twenty-Six (1988)

 

X-Men Vignettes #26 (1988)
"So Much in Common!"
Writer/Letters - Tom Orzechowski
Art - John Bolton
Edits - Edelman, Harras, DeFalco
From: Classic X-Men #26 (October, 1988)

Okay, here's a weird one.

While some of the stories we've discussed during this project feel like they were something that would'a been slotted as the third or fourth story in an Annual that came up short a few pages... none felt quite so much like that as the one we're about to (attempt to) discuss.

Another way in which this one is odd... if you attempt to read Classic X-Men #26 via Marvel Unlimited... all you're going to get is 2-3 pages of the "main" story (probably the added content), and this back-up in its entirety. Very strange... usually those files are 36 or so pages... this time, however, it was only 16 or so.

Oh well, I suppose if you're really wanting to read X-Men #120... you could just finagle your way through the very user-unfriendly interface of MU and track it down yourself, right?

--

Okay, so this little ditty takes place right after the X-Men return from Canada, where they had their first run-in with Alpha Flight. Well, part of it takes place then -- the rest occurs in a Stampede-flavored Flashback Land, wherein John Bolton evokes the art style of... whozat guy who did that Stanley and his Monster mini I disliked so much? Phil Foglio, izzit? Maybe I'm thinking of the wrong guy -- all's I'm saying is, it's not pleasant to look at, but adequately does the job of telling us it's happening "elsewhen". Anyway, in the "elsewhen", Logan is doing a bit of competitive arm-wrestling -- a racket of sorts being run by "Cracklin' Rosa" at some dive bar in Calgary, Alberta. Just as our man is approached by a big doof called "Lefty", who ironically (?) arm-wrestles with his right-arm, we're snapped back to the "present" -- and we're back in Salem Center's Harry's Pub/Hideaway/Hideout... whatever we're calling it today. There, Logan is sharing this story with Sean and Kurt. Worth noting, Kurt's using his Image Inducer... which, I could'a sworn we read a whole story about him not having to use at Harry's? Handsome tail and what-not, yes?

Anyway, Wolverine claims that Cracklin' Rosa didn't know about him being "special", but still ran the racket and made a bunch of Loonies... or whatever it is that Canadians trade for goods and/or services... on his arms. Back in Flashback Land, Lefty takes his seat... and is beaten pretty quickly by our hairy hero. Lefty accuses Logan (and Rosa) of cheating -- claiming that he must be drinking soda and not alcohol. Well, of course we know that it's alcohol... and we also know why it doesn't affect Logan's focus or ability. Following the bout, Lefty's buddy Turk was sicced on our man. Upon hearing the names "Lefty" and "Turk", Sean-in-the-present recalls having arrested their boss, Vince Borelli during his time in Interpol.

At this point, Scott arrives at Harry's to hang out with the fellas he really doesn't seem to care for all that much. As he sits down, Banshee fills us in on a bit more of his backstory. In the wake of the death of his wife, Maeve, Sean had thrown himself into his work. He'd overheard some chatter from a jewel-thief's son, that would bring him to the Calgary Stampede... and, as it turned out, Cracklin' Rosa's bar.

Sean continues, recalling his arrival at the bar, the hullabaloo and the thick Canadian accents. Sez nobody even noticed him there, since it was Stampede season, and as such, the city'd become kinda tourist-heavy. He listened in on a discussion between Borelli and (a buyer?) Arsene, which was easy to differentiate from the rest of the chatter due to the thick Euro-French twang of Arsene's voice.

Man, this isn't great. Anyway, Wolverine is doin' his thang -- smashing knuckles into the booth. Everyone around him is making betting -- Lefty's shows up and lays down his challenge -- he's beaten, which leads to a full-blown brouhaha. Sean recalls this fight breaking out, and says that it gave him all the distraction he needed to do what he had to. Sean-in-the-past alerts the Fez-wearing-Turk to the fact that his big buddy is currently in a jam. Turk rushes into the fracas... or away from it -- I honestly couldn't tell ya.

Then... the Mounties show up -- and arrest Arsene and Borelli? Not sure why there needed to be a big ol' distraction for any of this... but, I guess dem pages ain't gonna fill 'emselves, right?

Meanwhile, we get another three-friggin-pages (including a full-page spread) of Wolverine pummelling ol' Lefty. He wins, of course, which makes Cracklin' Rosa make even more money that won't work in a United States candy machine -- no matter how many times you try!

We wrap up back at Harry's, where Cyclops comments on how great it is to see two former loners be able to come together and be teammates he's proud to stand alongside of. Wolverine says something about there still being "hope" for Scott yet... which, I think is supposed to be a punchline -- but, if it is -- it's either not a very good one, or I'm just an idiot. Thankfully, we' out.

--

Okay, so who had the "Dagwood Sandwich" on the BINGO card of "crap Chris says way too often"?

This had so many unnecessary layers -- and by "so many", I mean -- there aren't actually many -- but they're all unnecessary! I'm having flashbacks to latter-day Action Comics Daily... where you could just tell they were filling pages because they realized they had to... and not because they necessarily had any stories worth telling. Not to say it's bad -- it's just not all that great.

Maybe that's unfair. I dunno. It is worth noting that this is probably the first Tom Orzechowski story I'd ever read... and according to the Marvel Wiki, the only one he'd ever write (for Marvel, anyway). As a one-and-done, well -- I don't wanna say "we've seen worse", because that would imply that this one was more bad than good. It was just... unnecessary... pointless... and not all that fun to cover.

It's also a bit hard to believe that Sean and Logan were in the same place at the same time... and didn't actually realize it until right now. Then again, this was written a couple'a years before we'd find out that Wolverine knows and has had run-ins with EVERYBODY, so I suppose I can try to suspend my disbelief a bit here.

The art, which we can usually count on to lift a lifeless story up a bit -- was, ya know, half-good. When Bolton's on... he's on. He not only inked his own work (which he usually does), but colored it as well. For the "present day" segment, it was really good. The Foglio-esque flashbacks, however, not my cuppa tea. I assume I'm in the minority in not appreciating the "Foglio-style" -- though, I always assume I'm part of a minority opinion... so, that ain't saying much. All's I'm saying is, the flashbacks were painful to look at... while also being a chore to read.

Not a great outing -- but, I gotta admit that it's pretty cool that a longtime X-Men letterer was able to leave a narrative mark on the lore.

X-Men Vignettes, Chapter Twenty-Five (1988)

 

X-Men Vignettes #25 (1988)
"Just Don't Look in Its Eyes"
Writer - Ann Nocenti
Art - John Bolton
Letters - Tom Orzechowski
Edits - Edelman, Harras, DeFalco
From: Classic X-Men #25 (September, 1988)

I was considering starting off today on a snarkier-than-normal note... because, honestly -- these pre-rambles are starting to just flow together, ya know? But... ehh, I'll just tamp whatever it is that's on my mind down, so we can get into our third-Claremontless Vignette.

I think when we covered the Jo Duffy "fill-in" Vignettes, I mentioned that she wrote as though she'd been bitten by a radioactive Chris Claremont. Well, if that's the case, Ann Nocenti must've been bitten by two!

Let's do it!

--

We open with Wolverine on a side-mission for Central... not to be confused with Control. He's in his blue 'n yellows, and he's about to dynamite a building... barracks... bunkers... who the hell knows? If I'm not mistaken, it looks like he's killing people though, which I'm not sure is the best look. I think his ultimate goal here is to destroy data and secret information... but, we're seeing some poor fellows sleeping in bunks as well. Oh well. Anyway, after complaining-in-Claremontian about how short'a fuse Central uses on their boom-sticks, our hero lights the thing -- and blows up the joint. Ya know, he wasn't kidding about the short-fuse... he's actually caught up in the blast, and thrown into a nearby snowdrift... flamin' and nekkid (name of your porno).

While Wolvie regains his druthers, we zoom out and see that there's a hunter in the distance. While our man is worried about all sort of beastie that he might run into in the snow-covered plains, he doesn't even consider that be might come across a hunter's sights. Now, the Hunter... is kind of an a-hole. Considering this is an Ann Nocenti story, I'm honestly surprised his little intro doesn't come with his voting record and how much he (doesn't) pay in taxes.

As he peers around the area... he winds up setting his crosshairs on something truly spectacular indeed. Something he's planning to kill.

The next several pages of this truly essential story feature Wolverine realizing that he's being tailed... because, heightened senses, ya see. We also get a bit of insight to truly ingratiate us to the hunter. He's a product of his upbringing... who initially didn't seem to be all that interested in the "sport" of hunting. F'r instance, he recalls killing his first deer... and thinks about its sad and trusting eyes -- before correcting himself, calling the deer stupid... and nothing more than meat. To further drive the point home that the Hunter and Wolverine see things differently (as if that's even needed), they both see the same eagle flying overhead. The Hunter sees it as a target, Logan sees it as beautiful.

Then -- as the cover suggests, Wolverine is attacked by a bear... which he spends a couple of pages fighting and ultimately killing. Here's another difference between our man and the Hunter -- he feels bad about having to "put down" the bear... as, it's, ya know -- just a bear, doing bear things. Wonder how those fellas sleeping in the bunks of that building Logan just blew up feel (err, felt) about that?

As our man walks, slump-shouldered, away from the bear he'd just slaughtered -- he can feel the Hunter's presence. Our baddie has decided to trade his rifle for a bow and arrow... because, sure, why not? He takes aim at Logan... and lets loose an arrow -- which, our hero catches (???) and throws back at the Hunter, which such force it goes right through his left knee? Wha? That's something Wolverine can do? Okay. From here -- oh, wait -- we must be outta pages, because the story just stops.

--

So... okay. I get what Nocenti's going for here. Hell, I pretty much always know what Nocenti's going for in her stories -- they just don't often connect with me the way they're probably supposed to.

This feels like it's supposed to be some sort of parable or commentary on the nature of man vs. beast -- and how man places themselves above the various "lesser-critters" in the wild. How underestimating, selling short, or just plain not appreciating such a critter might lead to your undoing -- which, appears to be the case for our new friend, who we'll call A. Hole Hunter. Not to be confused with an actual A-hole Hunter, cuz that's a whole different comic book.

It's... well, it's not great. Feels like we wasted a lot of time and effort to get to whatever point Nocenti was trying to make here -- so much so that the story just stops cuz we're outta pages. Like, did we really need the opening bit with Wolverine blowing up that building? Did we need to learn the Hunter's backstory? I mean, don't get me wrong, it allowed Bolton to give us some great visuals -- but, as a story, it's kind of a dud.

Was Wolverine blowing up and killing Central's targets supposed to offer up some sort of juxtapositional comparison with him regretfully killing that hungry bear? I mean, it's not the most novel bit of writing to suggest that humans are a blight -- unless, of course, you've just discovered "creative writing"... and you're in eighth grade. Is that what this is? I dunno. Is it some triteness about nature vs. nurture? The Hunter does talk about how he was raised to think of animals as less than majestic... and ultimately, just "meat". Dunno.

I suppose we might assume that after this story end... er, stops... the Hunter is killed by whatever manner of beastie is left stalking the area? Post-blast, Logan suggests he might run afoul of a bobcat or something -- maybe he's just evening the playing field here? Again... I dunno.

Finally, should we even bother talking about Wolverine catching a friggin' arrow and hurling it back -- so hard that it embeds itself in the Hunter's knee? Nah, let's not.

Overall -- this was pretty to look at.

Oh, by the way -- Claremont's gonna be gone until #29... which, if I'm not mistaken will be his last Vignette. We're primarily in Nocenti-Land now. Hope we surv-- oh, nevermind.

X-Men Vignettes, Chapter Twenty-Four (1988)

 

X-Men Vignettes #24 (1988)
"Vacation"
Writer - Chris Claremont
Art - John Bolton
Letters - Tom Orzechowski
Colors - Glynis Oliver
Edits - Edelman, Harras, DeFalco
From: Classic X-Men #24 (August, 1988)

Don't have much of a pre-ramble today... which is likely pretty good news to most of the folks who accidentally happened upon this page while looking for pirated scans of old X-Men comics... and/or the folks who still do not know how to spell "crisis"!

Let's turn Jean into da Black Queen!

--

We open with Jean Grey's arrival in Kirinos, Greece. She's chosen to get away for awhile to distract herself from the apparent deaths of her friends, teammates, and lover. Remember, Jean and Xavier were left believing the X-Men were dead when they were actually whisked away to the Savage Land. I'm honestly not sure which fate is worse! Anyway, she's kind of lost in her own thoughts... and, in fairness... when you speak in full-on, unfiltered, Claremontian, it's easy to become too distracted to pay attention to what's going on around you. While lost in her captions, she is knocked into the drink by a group of Greek delinquents, who swipe all of her belongings before fleeing the scene. Jean is fished outta the sea by some dude in a canoe, and brought back ashore so she can file a police report. The Greek Police weren't much help... and so, our gal goes out front to pout on the steps. There, she's met by a handsome stranger...

This stranger's name is Nikos -- and, suddenly we're in the middle of a romantic comedy. He takes her out to lunch where they engage in a bit of flirting. She promises to pay him back just as soon as her belongings are recovered -- to which, ol' Nik informs her that her company is more than sufficient compensation. He then brings up the subject that she's going to be needing a place to stay. Jean immediately smells a rat... and I ain't talkin' bout the mystery meat filling her gyro. Nikos clarifies that he has an extra bedroom, so there's no ulterior motive here. Uh-huh.

From here, we jump ahead a bit -- where it's revealed that those street rats who swiped Jean's bags did so at the behest of... Jason Wyngarde -- Mastermind! What's more, and hold onto yer socks, cuz none'ya saw this coming -- our new pal Nikos... is actually Mastermind! He takes Jean's valuables and identification... and burns them.

It's here that his intentions for Jean are made clear... er. He's looking to mold her into a worthy Black Queen. The following morning, he-as-Nikos rouses Jean from her slumber with a breakfast in bed platter. He promises that they'll make the best of this day, given the "odd circumstances" that they're even acquainted in the first place. He'll take her to all the non-touristy sites... and, he'll even give her a kinda skanky, two-sizes-too-small dress to where about the island!

And so, they spend the day together... ultimately winding up having a snorkling sesh. It's there where Jean begins to forget about all of her worries and recent loss... and loses herself in the moment. She and Nikos begin to make out... before she pulls away while stammering out an apology.

That evening, Jean watches from the balcony of Niko's home while the town below celebrates the Festival of Aphrodite. Nikos joins her, sitting next to her while kissing her neck and shoulder. Ya know, John Bolton could'a very well been a "modern day" romance comic artist, as this is really good stuff. I mean, that's not much of a surprise, considering how great all'a Bolton's stuff is. Anyway, Nikos tries to get to the bottom of Jean's malaise, and we learn that she's pretty much just trying to defend herself from pain. She talks of her recently-deceased lover... and says that if she doesn't allow herself to "feel" anymore... it stands to reason that she can no longer "hurt" either, ya dig? Nikos gives her a rousing speech, inspiring her to "Live!" Jean figures, "eh, what da hell?"

And so, next we know -- they're dancing the night away at the Aphrodisia. Night turns to... even later night, and our couple heads up to some ancient ruins of a temple mount to be alone and talk s'more. Discussion turns to the time of the Gods, and the power and glory they commanded... and the fear and worship they inspired. Jean says in times like that, Mutants would no longer have to hide... X-Men would no longer have to die. So... I guess she's already told ol' Nikos that she's a Mutant then? To further clarify, Jean takes to the skies. Nikos, upon seeing this, claims that Mutants ARE the modern Gods.

But then... that pesky Phoenix entity shows up to remind us that this isn't Jean... but Jeanix! Once in the sky, Jeanix emits a wall of bird-shaped flame... and starts speaking in those scary word balloons. After spouting a bit of scariness, it would appear as thought the "real" Jean personality returns... and she's pretty freaked out. She runs from Nikos, embarrassed and ashamed. Our creepy new pal, however, only smiles -- he now knows that this woman isn't only destined to be his Black Queen -- deep down, she already is.

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It isn't often in dealing with our Vignettes where we come upon a story that actually feels like a "missing piece" to the lore that we actually needed to see. I'd say, out of the two-dozen we've looked at to this point (can ya believe there are only twenty more of these?), the Jeanix-focused and Magneto-focused stories are the only ones that I would really press ya to track down. The rest are fine-to-great, but (relatively speaking) somewhat inessential.

This one though? It's a missing piece that I'd encourage everybody to insert into their Jeanix-lore, as it's the start of the "grooming process". Stop me if you've heard me say this, but -- it's been an absolute age since the last time I read stories of this era -- as such, I cannot remember if any pre-Hellfire Club Wyngarde/Grey acquainting had been hinted or alluded to. Even if that isn't/wasn't the case, I still think this is a great addition to the overall story. It's basically Wyngarde testing to see if Jean is the right person to take the mantle of Black Queen.

As such, he needs to see how far he's going to have to "break her down". Thing of it is, she already kinda is broken by the time they meet here in Greece. She's pretty much ripe for the picking here... plus, there's that whole pesky "she's not actually Jean" thing we have to contend with.

Which brings me to my next takeaway... the ending, where the Phoenix entity/personality/persona takes over. This was a great bit of business, which works in any comics "reality": Jean and the Phoenix are wrestling for dominance over the same body, Jean is losing herself to the insane power of the Phoenix, or the Phoenix is all there is -- but, there's still a "presence" or whisper of Jean that it must contend with. There's a struggle, yes? The Phoenix is all about power... but, that (for lack of a better term) Jean "residue", is keeping it somewhat "grounded".

This internal crisis facilitates Wyngarde's designs for her... molding her to fit the role he has planned for her. It's pretty great stuff. Jeanix has just faced challenge after challenge... crisis after crisis, and it's left her wide open to be exploited. Like I said a few paragraphs ago, this is a worthy addition to the lore, and one I'd encourage every X-Fan to insert into their overall Jeanix head-canon.

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