Sunday, April 24, 2022

Weird Comics History - Sue's Coiffure Contest

 

Weird Comics History - That Time the Invisible Woman Got a Mullet

Fantastic Four #258 (September, 1983) - Fantastic Four #287 (February, 1986)
A Saga by John Byrne with a little help from his fans

Here's something a little bit different for your Sunday -- dusting off the ol' Weird Comics History brand, and chatting up a bit of... well, weird comics history. It's nothing Earth-shattering, and you probably won't actually learn anything today -- but, I thought it would be fun to pop in on a happening from the early-mid 1980s that -- does get a bit of chatter, but that chatter is more about the destination than the journey.

There are some notable instances in comics history in which the fans of the funnybooks get a "say" (or at least the perception of a say) as to certain story beats, team makeups, or what have you. Sometimes these decisions leave a long-lasting impact... other times, it's barely a blip. This one transcends all'a that. This is bigger than any "comic book story". This is an event which actually changed society as a whole. Now, you can keep your Jason Todd 900 numbers, and your Hellfire Gala X-Men Votes -- because this, my friends, is far more important than any of that. This is all about the time the comic fans held the very fate of Sue Richards...'s hair in their hands.

But first, a little backstory. As I've said time and again, my first exposure to many of the (non-X) Marvel Superheroes was via the Marvel Universe trading card sets. Back in the long ago, I never saw myself as a "Marvel Fan" -- I was an X-Men fan. Didn't have time for the Avengers, Fantastic Four... heck, I'd only pop in on Spidey every now and again. So, all of my (vast) Marvel knowledge came from what was written on the back of these cards. And, since these facts were among the first things I learned... well, I think my brain kinda prioritized them as being the most important bits... even to this very day!

Let's take a look at the Invisible Woman's card from Marvel Universe, Series I (1990):

The "Didja Know" boxes on the bottom of these cards included some of the neatest information -- nothing all that important, but something different than the usual "Name/Rank/Serial Number". Looking at Sue's, hers is all about how she changes up her hairstyle pretty often. At the time, I didn't have much of a frame of reference to back that up. I only knew the Sue who was currently on the racks. I certainly wasn't dipping into the back-issue bins for old issues of Fantastic Four -- what do I look like, some sort of comic book fan?! It was just a bit of info that I dumped into my mental archives, and never really thought of again.

Fast-forward to a handful of years later, and Heroes Return was the big thing in comics. I'll admit, I got sucked in -- and, for the most part, I stuck. Curiosity, too much disposable income, as well as too little common sense and self control led to me, for the first time ever, regularly buying books outside the X-Line. And, being something of a rabid completionist, I started dipping my toe into the back issue bins... looking for "classics" (ie. 80s-90s books that wouldn't cost me an arm and a leg) to add to my collection. This was just barely post-boom -- 1997 or so, when the back-issue bins were still the home of books that'd put you thru college and pay off your mortgage. What I'm trying to say here is, they were still demanding decently high prices.

Though, there were books that appeared to be immune. Books like Excalibur, Alpha Flight, and... Fantastic Four. I'm sure there were others, but -- these three were among those on my "backfill list", so they stand out. I began to amass quite an impressive (to me, anyway) collection of FF... going all the way back to the, sorta-kinda mythical Byrne run. As a young comics enthusiast in the early 90s, I'd hear tell of the "glory days" of the 80s. Walt Simonson's Thor, Chris Claremont on X-Men (duh), Mark Gruenwald on Cap... and, of course, John Byrne's Fantastic Four. Any time I was able to grab an ish... any ish... from one of these runs, I felt as though I was holding a piece of history. Yes, I do tend to overromanticize things... why do you ask?

It was an especially great day when I happened into the very first issue of the Byrne FF run. It was in a dollar bin, of all places... and, I guess it's safe to say that the back-issue bonanza "worm" had turned. Shops, at least those in my neck of the woods, were in what felt like "liquidation mode", just get 'em gone. A great time for collectors like me... but, maybe not the greatest sign in the strength of the industry (and the retailer arm of).

Now, I say all of that - so I might say this. Cracking open that first Byrne issue, which I have covered here on the site -- in the then-novel (for me) and inaugural "Marvel May" article, in 2020. Within the first few pages, we see Sue Storm getting her hair done at a fru-fru salon. Here's a snip (no pun intended) from that piece:

Fantastic Four #232 (1981) - (w/a) John Byrne

When I wrote about this issue, I commented that this was a "very Byrne-y scene" to include... and we'll talk more about that in just a bit. First though, it was in seeing this scene that I recalled that silly li'l "Didja Know?" box on the trading card. And, being the more "seasoned" comics enthusiast that I was at the time, I suddenly realized that -- yeah, Sue does change her look an awful lot. More so than most comic book characters (well, intentionally anyway -- we're not talking editorial oversight or lack of artist consistency here). I can appreciate that as a character beat... and, as such, I enjoy seeing scenes like this play out on-panel -- or, at the very least, get mentioned on-panel. I'm also a very big fan of the concept of "style sheets", as in -- if you're drawing such-and-such book, here's what the character(s) LOOK LIKE. Nowadays, there are certain characters who's "look" can't stay consistent from panel to panel, much less issue to issue -- I'll spare y'all the cute "*cough*" sound effect, and just say - Carol Danvers.

To explain my "very Byrne-y scene" comment -- well, being a fella who often gets lost in the weeds of the comics hobby... and, tries to look for patterns... or really anything "noteworthy" that I might be able to dig into and discuss, I couldn't help but notice that JB has had some of female cast members drastically change their looks when he hopped onto a title/franchise. Here are just a couple of the noteworthiest examples (in my opinion):

Despite looking like they could be twin-sisters, or - ya know, the same person -- this is Lois Lane and the Scarlet Witch. I suppose we might say they've got "RBF"... Resting Byrne Face. And, hey, I love JB's work -- but, even Marvel has acknowledged RBF.

Marvel: Year in Review 1991

Where was I? Oh yeah, John Byrne designing "new looks" for characters under his purview. I may be projecting, but his adherence to and appreciation for how certain characters are supposed to look really comes through in his work. If he makes a change to attempt to update them to current-year, or if the character faces some sort of internal crisis -- those changes feel organic. A character like Sue Storm... who, as the trading card said, often changes up how she looks, doesn't really need much reason.

However, since that is part of her character -- mebbe JB can have a bit of fun shaking up her look a bit. Mebbe he might even reach out to the readership to get some of their thoughts on how Sue oughta be brought into the mid-80s? Enter: Sue's Coiffure Contest. In the Fantastic Four Fan Page (Letters Page) from Fantastic Four #258 (September, 1983), Byrne makes the following announcement:

Fantastic Four #258 (September, 1983)

FF #258 also includes that scene where it's revealed that the Dr. Doom who Arcade lit a match on over in Uncanny X-Men #146 (June, 1981) was a Doombot. So, the Coiffure Contest and JB being a bit precious! In retrospect, this is a far more important issue than I initially thought -- I'd better slab the thing ASAP! Anyway, I guess that goofy haircut Milo gave her during Byrne's "Back to Basics" wasn't one of her faves. It's worth noting, at this point in the comic, Sue's taken to wearing a "very unglamorous" brown wig, as part of an attempt at having a secret identity (Susan Benjamin). Hmm, if Sue thinks that look is unglamorous... well, just you wait!

Fantastic Four #259 (October, 1983) - (w/a) John Byrne

It's worth noting here, that Sue "Benjamin" Storm was pregnant with her and Reed's second child at this point -- and, there were rumblings in the letters pages (and in the comics themselves) that she was about to undergo some sort of "coming of age" -- shedding the Invisible Girl name, becoming the Invisible Woman (though, the Letters Pages seemed more keen on her going by "Mrs. Fantastic"). Speaking of "changes", hatchi matchi... here's a look at the Fantastic Four Fan Page from FF #263 (February, 1984):

Fantastic Four #263 (February, 1984)

It's announced here that, within the first few months of this contest, Marvel has received 528 entries! Good grief -- though, it's worth noting that a grip of those entries were requesting that Sue revisit some looks from the past. We get some "honorable mentions" listed here -- which, if I were a real comics historian, and not just a fake-ass one, I'd have probably made some effort to tracking down some of these folks for comment.

Some of the parameters of the contest are better laid out here -- the winning style has to be: a) practical, b) attractive, c) suitable to Sue, and d) not too painful to have to draw a few dozen times per issue. Well, I'm guessing this disqualifies like nine outta every ten entries right there! John Byrne does take the time to render a couple of the suggested looks here -- these are apparently the two that have gotten the most votes. They're not going to win, for a variety of reasons -- but, the people have spoken -- further proving that old Stan Lee quote "Don't ever give the fans what they think they want" true. I can actually see Sue wearing the look on the left -- though, it does look like it'd be a pain in the ass to draw. The mohawk though? C'mahhhhn. I'm sure JB had fun with this though.

Issue #263 was the official END of the contest -- as in, quit sending us yer stuff.

Fantastic Four #266 (May, 1984) sees Sue hanging out at the wig shop -- looking for a more glamorous hair-hat. Worth noting, that her own hair looks a lot different than it has in these last several issues -- so, you might've assumed that this scene right here was the "big reveal" of the Coiffure Contest Winner! But... no such luck, Chuck. This is just a stop-gap hairdo on our way to something so tragic that FEMA may have to be called in.

Here's a look at Sue from Fantastic Four #268 (July, 1984) -- a storyline that is much more important than the silly Coiffure Contest -- however, since we're talking about the silly Coiffure Contest, I gotta show it. Um, what was that I was saying about Byrne being consistent with character appearances? This is literally the third hairstyle Sue's had... in as many issues. Ehh, let's just blame Secret Wars. Yeah, I know she wasn't there... but, we'll blame it anyway.

Fantastic Four #268 (July, 1984) - (w/a) John Byrne

The following issue features Sue with some very long hair... the lengths of which I don't think we've ever seen her wear.

Fantastic Four #269 (August, 1984) - (w/a) John Byrne

This issue, Fantastic Four #269 (August, 1984) is also very notable for our contest... as, the WINNER is announced! Well, sorta. Ya see, whoever sent in this winning style... neglected to include a note with their drawing! And, I mean... in hindsight... I guess it'd make sense that nobody would wanna take credit for this thing. Well, "clear" credit anyway -- the did sign the piece... and, as far as Marvel can make out they've got a last name of Mayes... and a first name of... well, somethin'. Their best guesses are Tyron, Byron, or just-plain Ron. So, if you're reading this Mr. (or Ms.) Mayes -- reach out. That is, of course, if Ty-By-Ron Mayes isn't just another name for John Byrne. From the Fan Page:

Fantastic Four #269 (August, 1984)

So, you might be wondering... how long are we going to have to wait in order to SEE the winning Coiffure? Well, just a couple of issues, actually. Fantastic Four #271 (October, 1984) opens with the gut-punch that is... Sue's Mullet.

Fantastic Four #271 (October, 1984) - (w/a) John Byrne

Happy Birthday, indeed. Gotta wonder if JB used Florence Henderson as a point of reference for this one... Sue's lookin' very Carol Brady here.

Sue's bad decision isn't the only notable bit about this issue -- it also marks the shift in the letters page from the Fantastic Four Fan Page to the Fantastic Forum. The letters page has been busily taking JB to task for murdering characters left and right... and thus, Byrne challenged the readership to send in their thoughts on who they would kill (in the book, natch) if they could. Apparently this got quite the response... however, not near as many replies as the Coiffure Contest!

Fantastic Four #271 (October, 1984)

Now, for such a popular and engaging contest, you'd assume that the letters pages for the next several issues might be full of reactions to this dramatic change in appearance for Sue, right? Well... notsomuch. This change of appearance isn't even commented on once in the Fantastic Forum... and heck, far as I can tell, Reed doesn't even compliment her on her new look. I mean, this might be a case of "If you have nothing nice to say..." but still. Weird that something that had a bit of pomp and circumstance doesn't get any play on-panel.

So, how long was Sue bemulleted anyway? It's funny, looking back, memory being what it is, it feels like the Sue-mullet era lasted for like... several years. It wasn't quite that long, however... though it was around for some pretty memorable little ditties, like the time Sue became the Hatemonger's sidekick-of-sorts, Malice.

Fantastic Four #280 (July, 1985) - (w/a) John Byrne

Which also gave us this little sequence...

Fantastic Four #261 (August, 1985) - (w/a) John Byrne

It was also while mulleted that Sue changed her name from Invisible Girl to Invisible Woman.

Fantastic Four #284 (November, 1985) - (w/a) John Byrne

Sue was mud-flapped during the Return of Jean Grey!

Fantastic Four #286 (January, 1986) - (w/a) You Know Who

And, in the very next issue -- in a "very Byrne-y scene", Sue finally gets turned back into a normal human - on-panel.

Fantastic Four #287 (February, 1986) - (w/a) John Byrne

Sue's Mullet: Fantastic Four #271 (October, 1984) - Fantastic Four #287 (February, 1986). Sixteen months of style -- and probably one of the sillier things I've spent any amount of time researching and writing about. If you're still reading at this point, I humbly thank you for joining me on this odd little adventure.

Saturday, April 23, 2022

X-Men Vignettes, Chapter Thirty-Three (1989)

 

X-Men Vignettes #33 (1989)
"So Good it Hurts"
Writer - Ann Nocenti
Art- John Bolton
Letters - Joe Rosen
Colors - Glynis Oliver
Edits - Edelman, Harras, DeFalco
From: Classic X-Men #33 (May, 1989)

I feel like if you title your story "So Good it Hurts", you're really puttin' it all out there. That's a bold statement -- and, of course, it's not supposed to be describing the story quality itself... but, ehh...

In other words, I really don't have much of a pre-ramble today. This chapter occurs at the same time as the last one. Give that one a peek if you're interested! For a bit of context for this one -- it (mostly) plays out during this scene from X-Men #127 (November, 1979).

X-Men #127 (November, 1979 - (w) Chris Claremont / (a) John Byrne

--

We open with Havok and Polaris on their way to help the X-Men with the Proteus Problem. Now, it's a weird bit of business to start -- as, Alex appears to be zoning out and hallucinating these violent and horrible ends for the two of 'em. Now, I'm not 100% sure these are purely hallucinations... or, maybe they're some sort of long-distance Proteus reality-warping? It's one'a those, I guess! I suppose at the end of the day, it doesn't really matter. Or, maybe it does? I dunno, I'm 'fused. Speaking of "fused", Havok and Polaris wreck their car and become fused together here! In reality, Alex just zoned out and drove off the road and down an embankment. They are both unharmed. Worth noting, the love of his life, Lorna Dane calls him "Havok" rather than Alex throughout this story. Maybe it's because he's in costume? Maybe they've got a rule about that? Maybe it's a kink they've got? Who knows...

Alex x-plains that, of late, he's been thinking a lot about how quickly things can end... as in, life. He zones out and pictures himself smashing into things while he's driving, f'rinstance. He doubles-down by revealing that he's had these feelings ever since around the time he'd met her. He fears they're headed toward some sort of unavoidable "smash". These words are clearly music to any girl's ears -- Lorna tell him to put a pin in it for now, as she retrieves their hooptie outta the sump.

She then takes him by the hand and goes skyward. Havok appears to be momentarily calmed... though, it might be worth noting that he calls the love of his life... Polaris. Welp, she's not in costume, so there goes that theory. Maybe Ann didn't think anybody would recognize them? Ya know, it's not as thought Havok's costume is unique or anything? Anyway, Havok starts thrashing and freaking out -- an anxiety attack is imminent. He catastrophizes the situation... assuming they're both about to fall to their death. He asks Lorna for one last kiss... before smashing his face into hers... literally.

From here, we get the weird and awkward scene from our "cover", and the pair'a lovers smash into the ground below. Only, ya know, not really. Turns out, Lorna didn't even take him into the sky a couple'a pages back -- it was all in Alex's head! He x-plains that lately he's been resenting the danger that being X-Men puts them in. All he can see is worst-case scenarios. Now that Lorna's in his life... and the fact that he loves her, these dangers, "smashes", and ends feel all that much more intense... and that intensity only fuels his resentment.

Polaris doesn't appear to get where he's coming from. I'm sure she understands what he's saying -- she just doesn't see his point of view. She reminds him that they're a part of something bigger than them -- and that the world needs them. Havok contorts into a very dramatic pose, before blasting a nearby boulder to bits. He understands that his concerns are selfish... and acknowledges that he's ashamed of himself for thinking the way he does. But -- he just has a feeling that, the longer they're X-Men, the more likely it is that their end is imminent. Which, sure -- stands to reason, right? Gotta assume someone who fights supervillains might not be as long for the world as someone who delivers pizzas?

The conversation is interrupted by a weather phenomenon on the horizon. This is Storm taking on Proteus from the main story... immediately following the Wolverine/Nightcrawler scene. They hop back in the hooptie and head over.

We wrap up with our heroes arriving on the battlefield... just as the dust is settling. They get a good look at their fellow X-Men, and it's when Havok locks eyes with Wolverine... and sees the fear in them, he knows that he cannot be an X-Man any longer. Havok vows to himself that he will not subject himself to such horrors... and will not ever be a part of any "last battle".

--

This was a pretty good one. As we've seen throughout our Vignette Visits, it's not always the easiest thing to do to organically introduce a story that occurs "in-between panels". They often feel wildly convenient, or maybe don't quite line up with the timeline of the main story -- and, well, sometimes they're just plain bad. I recall one'a those Savage Land Vignettes being almost aggressively dull.

Here though? This was a good bit'a business. During the main story in X-Men #127, we see Havok and Polaris arriving on the scene -- but, never had any cause to give their ride over a second thought. It's being able to see the opportunities and possibilities presented in these moments that, initially, didn't much matter, and "filling them in" with characterizations and motivations that really make the Vignettes endeavor work. Did that sentence make sense? I rewrote it like a dozen times. Hopefully, at the very least, you get what I'm trying to say.

The work done with Havok here was interesting. I think Nocenti did a pretty good job describing what the onset of an anxiety attack feels like. Sure, these experiences aren't universal, and we each deal with panic in our own way(s), but this was quite well done. Bolton did a wonderful job bringing the words to life... which, isn't much of a surprise at all.

Here's an unnecessary peek behind the curtain. I've long suffered anxiety/panic attacks... and not the kind that are glorified on reddit or make us feel unique and special on social media. Real... debilitating... life-altering panic attacks. I'm talking pain in places you didn't think you had sorta attacks. You don't think your soul can hurt? Think again. For me, personally, and this isn't unique to me -- it's just the only story I can share firsthand -- these attacks are brought on by fear (duh) and catastrophizing. Sometimes the catastrophic situation I project myself into ends in physical pain/harm... other times, it's more a blow to the ego, feeling rejected/dejected/ejected. In either event, you (or I, rather) begin to lose touch with reality.

The worst part of it... well, there are a lot of "worst parts", but one of them is -- the acknowledgement that I'm losing touch with what's real while it's going on. Everything around you "changes"... or, at least my perception of it does... and I can feel myself becoming irrational... or catastrophizing an otherwise benign situation into something that'll send me spiraling. Thankfully, I'm not quite as far-gone as our man, Alex -- then again, I've never zoned out in the proximity of Proteus!

Speaking of which -- there were a couple of things about the story that, I don't wanna say "cheapened" it... maybe just "lessened" it. One being, the fact that this all went down during a Proteus fight. Are we to assume that Alex is actually "zoning out" on the regular... or, at least to this extreme? Was there any of the Proteus-effect at play here? Like I said at the jump, I suppose it really doesn't matter -- but, I dunno -- I suppose it kinda does?

Another bit that pulled me out... and, it's silly... is how Alex and Lorna referred to one another as "Havok" and "Polaris". Like I said, it's a silly criticism... but, still... it pulled me out of the story. I have a hard time accepting that these two lovers, who are not yet on the battlefield, are still calling each other by their codenames. I mean, we can't even blame this on being a BIG Jim Shooter edict... since he'd been showed the door many months ago. Just feels unnatural -- and makes me think less of the Alex/Lorna romance.

It's weird -- I kinda compare this relationship to, and this is gonna sound weird, but to Winnie and Kevin on The Wonder Years. It always felt to me that Kevin was far more into their relationship than Winnie. She often came across as somewhat aloof toward it. Felt one-sided, is what I'm trying to say -- and, I kinda get those vibes here from Lorna to Alex. Does that make sense? Prob'ly not.

Overall, despite a couple's nits that I needed to pick, I had a good time with this one. The ending was powerful... having Alex approach Logan, of all people... seeing the fear in the eyes of a man who... well, doesn't scare easy, was more than enough to convince our man that, perhaps his X-Menning days are behind him. Good stuff!

Friday, April 22, 2022

X-Men Vignettes, Chapter Thirty-Two (1989)

 

X-Men Vignettes #32 (1989)
"Shreds of Humanity"
Writer - Ann Nocenti
Art - John Bolton
Letters - Joe Rosen
Colors - Glynis Oliver
Edits - Edelman, Harras, DeFalco
From: Classic X-Men #32 (April, 1989)

Rather than pre-ramble today, I'm just going to share a couple'a pages from X-Men #126 (October, 1979), because the entire story we're about to discuss occurs somewhere betwixt their panels. Quite why we needed to add twelve x-tra pages to this scene... well, um... ya got me! Least it's gonna look pretty!

From X-Men #126 (October, 1979) - (w) Chris Claremont / (a) John Byrne

--

So, we pickup right as Proteus is reality-warping Wolverine and Nightcrawler. Our heroes are mocked for their lack of ability... which triggers our more feral friend to begin slipping into that more Berzerker Rage mindset. Not completely, as he's still able to reason and maintain a semblance of cognizance... but, he's gettin' mighty ticked off. Nightcrawler begs Wolverine to settle his tea kettle... and makes the mistake of referring to him as playing the "tough guy". Whoa, whoa, WHOA -- turns out, this is akin to calling Marty McFly a chicken... cuz, it's at this point our man starts to see red.

What's more, Proteus picks up on this as well. Being called a "tough guy" appears to be a sore spot for ol' Logan -- and so, Proty's gonna use this new knowledge and have a little bit of fun with it.

And well, this is where the story shifts into a mosaic of Wolverine taking tiny steps forward... juxtaposed with full-page spreads of our man in different crazy forms. It's very cool to look at, and is a great idea for a story -- it just doesn't x-actly "land" for me. I feel like there's too much of an effort at play here -- trying to make this "more" than a story. Like, a deeper character study. In some ways, I suppose it works -- but, the "tryhardedness" and faux-Claremontian is strong. First, Proteus shatters Wolverine.

Next, Proty turns Wolverine into a Spider with Eggs. This looks like it's supposed to be a reference to a nursery rhyme of some sort? Proteus says "Spiders and Eggs for Breakfast" a couple'a times. I made the mistake of Googling that... which only showed me disgusting pictures of spiders and eggs. When I added "nursery rhyme" to the search, that only made it worse -- I was shown horrifying big-headed CGI babies from Youtube thumbnails -- but, not the nursery rhyme I was looking for!

Then, it's the Marvel Zombies version of Wolverine -- only with less "funny, ha-ha" and "lol, random" than you might x-pect. This is a really good page, as it suggests that Logan uses his healing factor in order to justify indulgence -- fifty-thousand cigarettes, beers, burgers -- after all, what's it matter to him?

Next stop, toon-Wolverine. Kinda resembles that weird little Wolvie critter from the most recent run of Exiles... only a bit more angular. His voice becomes squeaky... but, his resolve seems stronger than ever. He gets almost... well, cartoonishly violent with his descriptions. He smokes atomic bombs, eats bullets, and drinks napalm!

All the while that we're seeing this, Logan is drawing nearer and nearer to Proteus... and at this point, he's not only standing right next to him -- but, he's already slashed him across the face and chest! Proteus understands that the "tough guy" thing isn't an act -- there's actual substance behind the bravado. Wolverine tells him that that substance actually goes all the way to his core -- and it's called courage.

--

Ya know what? I read this story twice. Sometimes, when I read something that I'm planning to cover for a post or a show, I come out of it feeling one way -- then, when I sit down with it again, in order to actually write and/or speak about it, I come away feeling almost completely different. That's kind of the case with this little ditty.

After my initial read-thru -- I hated it. Well, maybe "hate" is too strong a word, but I didn't like it at all. I felt it was unnecessary, way to indulgent -- and kind of insisted on its, I dunno, faux-depth? I mean, it was pretty to look at, no doubt about that -- but, the Nocenti-isms (which is to say, faux-Claremontisms) really drilled on my nerves. Each one was like golf ball-sized hail hitting a tin roof. I winced with each and every sharp "ping".

Right now, actually sitting down with it and writing about it -- I dunno, I come away with almost the complete opposite feeling. Again, the Nocenti-isms were (very) strong -- the prose was a bit purple -- but, I kinda "got it" this time. I'm not sure we needed quite so many pages to make this point -- but, without all those pages, we wouldn't have gotten the very fun John Bolton showcase we wound up getting.

The story itself has the misfortune of being one of the sort that's been strip-mined in the time since it's been written. Wolverine as a "man" or "beast" is a well-trodden bit'a business... and has been done to death (and beyond). We've seen Wolverine in near every situation possible, and reacting in just about every possible way... and, what's more, we've met scads of different versions of the man. It's not fair of me to hold any'a that against this story -- though, I can't honestly say that the overdone-ness of this sort of x-amination/character study didn't make me think a bit less of it. Again, it's an unfair position to take -- I understand and own that.

Overall, the Bolton-bonanza we get here makes it completely worthwhile -- and, depending on your Nocenti-ism mileage... you might just enjoy the story as well. 

Thursday, April 21, 2022

X-Lapsed, Episode 330 - X Lives of Wolverine #3 (2022)

X-Lives of Wolverine #3 (April, 2022)
"Lives to Regret"
Writer - Benjamin Percy
Art - Joshua Cassara
Colors - Frank Martin
Letters - VC's Cory Petit
Design - Tom Muller
Edits - Baumgartner, Basso, White, Cebulski
Cover Price: $4.99
On-Sale: February 16, 2022

With the Secret X-Men "roadblock" out of our way -- business might just be about to start pickin' up again!  Today we cross the halfway point of our XLADOW crossovent coverage -- and, while your humble host is still having a great time with it, even he's gotta admit that the seams are beginning to show.

Hopefully these concerns are addressed before we get out the other end of this one!  In any event, these are some fun comics!

Plus: Another toe-dip into the Mailbag -- hopefully business'll start pickin' up there as well!

--

Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/xlapsed

X-Lapsed Voicemail: 623-396-5375 (or, 623-396-JERK)

Twitter: @acecomics / Instagram: @90sxmen

weirdcomicshistory@gmail.com

chrisandreggie.podbean.com

The All-New, All-Different chrisisoninfiniteearths.com

facebook.com/groups/90sxmen

X-Men Vignettes, Chapter Thirty-One (1989)

 

X-Men Vignettes #31 (1989)
"Spigot at the End of the Universe"
Writer - Ann Nocenti
Art - John Bolton
Letters - Joe Rosen
Colors - Petra Scotese
Edits - Edelman, Harras, DeFalco
From: Classic X-Men #31 (March, 1989)

Is this our first Xavier-centric Vignette? I think it is...

Something I'm fairly certain I've neglected to mention was the fact that Xavier's up in Shi'ar Space right now. In fairness, it hasn't really come up. I think Colossus may've mentioned it during his trip back to the Motherland, though.

Anyway... let's see what Chuck's gettin' up to!

--

We open with Professor X (ironically dressed in a Star Trek-like outfit) playing some three-dimensional chess... with himself. Before you ask - no, that's not a euphemism. He's up in the Shi'ar Throneworld at current -- kind of the plaything-on-demand for the Majestrix Lilandra Neramani. He appears to have quite the chip on his shoulder, however, as he refuses to let the other aliens play with him. They scoff at him, calling him nothing more than a human... and, what's more, just a consort. For one of the most brilliant minds on Earth, this is quite the humbling experience. Humans aren't quite so revered up in deep space... which is odd, considering anytime anything goes sideways up there, it's left to the humans to fix things. Anyway, he swats the pieces of the board and heads into Lilandra's War Room to whine a bit.

Well, whine and passive-aggressively attempt to horn in on the planning session. A move that doesn't go over all that well among the intergalactic hoi-poloi. Lilandra pulls Chuck aside and asserts that he's kinda embarrassing himself (and her, I suppose) right now. She reminds him that humans are far lesser than the dorks in her council -- and again, I get it -- but, maybe if humans are so worthless and so far below these other aliens, maybe Marvel can have them not try and invade Earth on a monthly (weekly?) basis?

Lil suggests that Charles go out and get some air... and introduces him to a "lowly" plumber named Chakra... who is a lazy-eyed vegetable woman in overalls. Chakra's gotta trek into the desert... and asks if Chuck might wanna tag along. He doesn't seem all that keen on it, but Lilandra presses him til he decides to go. Once out in the wastes, Chakra calls the Professor a puss... err, wait, what? Oh! She's probably talking about the look on his face, yeah? Charles responds by asking if she's humiliated by the fact that she's a plumber... which, I mean -- plumbing is skilled work, innit? I doubt Xavier could fix a clog or re-pipe a house.

Chakra, realizing that Xavier is an idiot, doesn't take offense to the stupid question -- and instead, tells him that it's essential work, and without her there to do it -- the Shi'ar big-wigs'd likely be drowning in their own waste. She then goes to take a puff of oxygen, as they're reaching a point in the wastes where the air isn't quite so breathable -- only to find that she'd forgotten to top off her tanks. Xavier, wisely, suggests they head back as to not, ya know, die a painful and lung-implodey death. Sounds logical, right? Well, unfortunately for him, Chakra sees a meteor shower in the distance she'd really like to stand under... air or not.

Chakra rushes toward the shower... and also the random spigot in the desert she's out here to service. Charles gives chase to try and talk some sense into her -- she tells him to shutuppahisface and save his air. Just then -- bada-bing, bada-boom -- the meteor shower does its thing. Xavier finds himself lost in the beauty of the cosmic event.

Once it passes, Chakra sets to servicing the spigot. Turns out, there's also an oxygen refill gimmick on this pipe -- so, she fills up their reserves so they might once again experience the pleasure of breathing air. This event, for whatever reason, causes Charles to deduce that Chakra is more than just a common plumber. Well, first of all -- we've already established that plumbing is hard and skilled work... second -- why would wanting to see a meteor shower make anybody... anything? What's more, he asks why she "pretends to be stupid" by "acting like a common plumber"! So, are we to think that Xavier is an asshole... or that Ann Nocenti doesn't realize that there's more to plumbing than wearing a pair of overalls? Either way, our man isn't coming off all that great here. Lucky for him, Chakra isn't offended by his ignorance... and so, we can end the scene.

We head back to where we started... and (for whatever reason) Xavier's a completely changed man -- why, he even approaches that alien kid from the beginning and invites them to play some 3-D Chess. Lilandra notices Charles' (abrupt?) change of heart and heads over for a kiss. Our hero then asks who that odd girl was -- to which, Lil says that Chakra is the plumber... and she fixes things. I... think this was supposed to be a far "deeper" line than it actually wound up being. We actually close out with a pin-up of Chakra the Plumber... which is the last we'll ever see of her. Maybe she headed back to the Asparagus Planet before Dark Phoenix did its thing?

--

Now, this was kind of a dumb story... but, I actually quite liked it. Maybe not for the reasons Ms. Nocenti might've wanted me to like it, as it didn't come across nearly as deep or profound (to me, anyway) as I believe she expected it to... but, I liked it all the same.

The idea that "Professor Xavier is a Jerk!" is basically a meme at this point, right? Sure, we can talk about him wipin' minds left and right and lusting after his students -- but, it's in a story like this that we actually see him acting like a jerk in a relatable way. In a human way. Here, we get a bit of insight into -- and, as usual, I might be projecting -- his own feelings of inadequacy and inferiority. Having Xavier in this fish-outta-water type setting, where he is viewed as being "less than", is quite interesting. Sure, on Earth, mutants are looked down on... however, that's out of FEAR AND HATE. Also, Xavier isn't publicly "out" as a mutant, so his x-perience with that sensation is (mostly) second-hand.

Here in space though, he's viewed as lesser -- simply because all the races and species around him are that much more advanced. I feel like there's a lot of "meat" on this bone, should the then-current-year creative team chose to x-plore it. Rather than accepting his lot and role in this "consort" life, he lashes out. He tries to make those around him feel inferior -- to the point where he directs his vitriol at a child who simply wanted nothing more than to play chess with him. And, again, I might be projecting -- but, to my mind, one of the first things that leapt off the page to me was how Xavier is x-hibiting signs of poor self-esteem alongside a raging ego.

If you ever have the displeasure of being around someone who doesn't think much of themselves... you might come to find that, despite their poor self-image, they still have something of an ego. It's human to have an ego... however, when you lack self-confidence, that ego can become, and I absolutely hate using this word, toxic. Rather than projecting an aura of assuredness or comfort, you instead try to prove you're the superior being by bringing everyone around you down to your level... or below. Xavier does that here. He's in his own head "rass'm frass'ming" about how brilliant he is... how important he is. Rather, how brilliant and important he was. Here, he ain't nothin' more than a consort. A plaything for the Majestrix. I really feel like they could've (should've) done more with this.

Pairing Charles with a carefree and confident Chakra the Plumber was a good play. Not that I necessarily understand the "lesson" of their outing, or see the depth in the brief chat I think I was supposed to see... but, because it gave us another scene of Xavier verbally trying to make sense of his new role... while exhibiting great discomfort... and making these blithe, aloof, damn-near offensive remarks about Chakra. Even in the position of "passenger" during this outing... he still attempts to project that he's above her. I mean, left to the desert wastes, only one of them knows what the hell they're supposed to be doing and/or how to survive -- and, it ain't Chuck. And yet, he talks down to her all the same.

And the way in which he dismisses her... I mean, words have power, right? Only, the way he was "wielding" them, it didn't seem like he was choosing them all that wisely. I'm going to assume this was intentional... and not a result of Ann Nocenti really thinking that plumbers are "idiots". I mean, Ann's the champion of the "common man", right? Perhaps it's a commentary on how we, as a society, might undervalue (or take for granted) the essential blue-collar workers, who do the unglamorous work of... ya know, making sure our toilets flush. That's almost gotta be it, eh?

Having Xavier... a egotist, who, in this new role -- provides and produces nothing (he's basically Lilandra's concubine)... aloofly slighting a hard-working essential worker, who has actual tangible value in this society... is very well done. There's that saying, which I'm going to paraphrase to the point of butchering... where, when you believe in something strongly, and have it disproven, you only dig your heels in deeper... and believe harder. Here, Xavier is face-to-face with the fact that, he doesn't offer any value here. He's a jerk, a bully, a blowhard... and those are his good qualities! Chakra, lowly "common plumber" that she is... is called upon for a specific purpose. She's needed -- when something needs fixing, she's on speed-dial. Charles couldn't even offer a suggestion during the War Room session without getting sneered at.

Seeing this, it's easy (for me) to understand why Chuck's acting the way he is. It's relatable... for better or for worse. At least it is to me. Like I said at the jump, I feel like when we hit the "lesson" portion of this piece, it kind of fell apart. I get that Xavier had himself an x-perience out there in the wastes... but, the complete 180... feels a bit outta nowhere. I'm okay with it, as it worked to close out the story in a somewhat satisfying way -- but, it did seem a bit rushed, and a bit "happily ever after".

Overall... I liked this. It made me think... it made me look inside myself... and it gave me a better appreciation for Xavier's time away from the X-Men. Worth a peek!

--

Letters Page:

Wednesday, April 20, 2022

X-Lapsed, Episode 329 - Secret X-Men #1 (2022)

X-Lapsed, Episode Three Hundred Twenty-Nine

Secret X-Men #1 (April, 2022)
"The Secret X-Men"
Writer - Tini Howard
Art - Francesco Mobili
Colors - Jesus Aburtov
Letters - VC's Clayton Cowles
Design - Tom Muller
Head of X (???) - Hickman
Edits - Amaro, White, Cebulski
Cover Price: $4.99
On-Sale: February 9, 2022

Eternals (vol.5) #1 (March, 2021)
"Only Death is Eternal, Part 1"
Writer - Kieron Gillen
Art - Esad Ribic
Colors - Matthew Wilson
Letters - VC's Clayton Cowles
Edits - Shan, Brevoort, Cebulski
Cover Price: $4.99
On-Sale: January 6, 2021

Running headfirst (repeatedly) into a "roadblock" episode -- covering a book I wasn't exactly looking forward to having to talk about.  Gonna have to pull out the ol' X-Men Green disclaimer: I did not like this issue -- if that in any way offends you or threatens to ruin your day, feel free to skip!

Plus: Yer humble host does some A/X/E prep, by introducing himself to the current volume of Eternals!  I talk Eternals (vol.5) #1 cover-to-cover right here!

--

Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/xlapsed

X-Lapsed Voicemail: 623-396-5375 (or, 623-396-JERK)

Twitter: @acecomics / Instagram: @90sxmen

weirdcomicshistory@gmail.com

chrisandreggie.podbean.com

The All-New, All-Different chrisisoninfiniteearths.com

facebook.com/groups/90sxmen

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...