X-Men Vignettes, Chapter Thirty-Eight (1989)

 

X-Men Vignettes #38 (1989)
"Strangers on a Lift"
Writer - Ann Nocenti
Art - Kyle Baker
Letters - Bill Oakley
Colors - Glynis Oliver
Edits - Edelman, Harras, DeFalco
From: Classic X-Men #38 (October, 1989)

Y'all ready for something weird? Cuz... today, we got a weird one. We've also got Ann Nocenti back, which I don't remember approving. Oh well.

Before we get into it though... how ya like my fake-ass cover, eh? Pretty spiffy? Y'almost can't even notice how horrid the transparency on the logo is!

--

So, we open... and, I guess Ann wanted to have her say with Dazzler in the Vignettes as well, cuz this is another one starring Ali. Anyway, it's late at night, and she's shuffling her way into an elevator at a multilevel parking lot structure. Inside the tin box stands a very portly fellow. If this were a movie, he'd probably be the racist sweatshop owner, or the dude who acts all moralistic... later being discovered as having a refrigerator full of body parts in his basement. You know the type, yes? He's the Elevator Man. He asks where Ali's headed... she tells him to take her to the top. The elevator whirrs into action... and, things get weird. The Elevator Man gets pretty close into Ali's personal space while attending to the lift-box's mechanism... while creepily leering, square in her eyes.

Moments pass... then, the lights go out. When they come back on, the fella is stood like right up on Dazzler's back. I'm sure she's getting a nose full of stale stogie and liverwurst. Ali begins to panic and asks what the dollar store Kingpin is up to... he simply tells her that he's the Elevator Man... and he's running the lift.

They reach the top level, and Ali goes to leave. The E.M. insists that he walk her to her car... since it's late... and, ya know, dangerous. He really impresses upon her how dangerous it is for her to be up here alone. As she begins her walk to her hooptie... another car hammers the gas and drives right toward her. The Elevator Man grabs her, pulling her out of harm's way... then... uh, handcuffs her to a metal pipe? Um, what?

The Elevator Man tells her it's all a joke... then, checks his pocket -- realizing that he's left the key to the cuffs somewhere else. He leaves to go fetch them. No sooner does he waddle away than Alison uses her Disco-paffin' to break herself free.

She then rushes to the power box and shuts off all the lights to the structure... leaving our fat friend just as confused and outta sorta as she was on the elevator. Next, she runs over to her car... flips on the radio... and prepares to engage in some Disco Dazzlin'.

What follows are a couple pages of Kyle Baker pencil candy, during which the Elevator Man gets bombarded with terrible music and light. Our gal introduces herself to her would-be fake-ass attacker... which takes us to our ending.

In which the Elevator Man reveals that... while he works as a humble Lift Operator, his true passion is film... and his obsession is fear. Ya see, this whole scene was orchestrated so he could observe and study "true fear" for his next film. He drops to his hamhock-sized knees and apologizes. Alison asks him, after what he's just experienced, if he now has enough "material" for his fear-film.

--

Welp.

Toldja this was a weird one. Thing of it is... there ain't all that much to say about it. Least nothing off the top of my head. It was interesting to look at, even if the story itself kinda read as nonsensical. Like, we know the Elevator Man's "goal" was to study true fear... but, really, at what cost? You pull a stunt like this... your ass is going to jail, right? Maybe that was his goal... he wanted to know the fear of being a literal cushion of a man in jail? Heck, even if that was the case, there've gotta be easier ways of going about it.

Up to the "grand reveal", Ann and Kyle did a great job of evoking the kind of fear and dread we might find ourselves with, when all alone... in the dark... away from our (non-current-year) safe spaces. The tone of the story is pretty great. Part of me wonders how a John Bolton would've drawn this... but, I'm more than pleased with Baker's take.

The title of this story is likely a play on the Hitchcock film, Strangers on a Train -- which, outside of the similar title, doesn't appear to share a single other thing with this story. Speaking of the title... here's an irrational "Chris Problem" for ya... use of the word "lift" instead of elevator by an American. Though, I suppose if we're replacing the word "Train" in our homage title, we gotta find a monosyllabic word to fit the bill. To me though, it always makes me think that the writer is trying to appear more "cultured". Like I said, irrational Chris Problems... they are debilitating. It's a wonder I'm able to pull myself outta bed every morning.

It reminds me of a comics podcast I used to listen to... back when I still had the time to listen to comics podcasts. It was hosted by an American and a Brit, and oddly, the Brit -- perhaps knowing that most of their audience was American, would use words like "elevator", "apartment", and "bar"... whereas, the American co-host would say "lift", "flat", and "pub". It always struck me as funny. Oh well.

Overall -- this is about three-quarters of a good story... which, at least for me, falls apart pretty hard at the end. How this Elevator Man didn't wind up arrested at the end of it makes zero sense. Plus, who was in the blue car that barreled at Ali? Was that part of the plan... or, just a happy coincidence? Also, what was E.M. planning to do to Ali when he returned with the keys? Lotsta silly questions... but, no answers are comin'.

X-Lapsed, Episode 332 - Devil's Reign: X-Men #2 (2022)

X-Lapsed, Episode Three Hundred Thirty-Two

Devil's Reign: X-Men #2 (May, 2022)
"Truth & Consequences"
Writer - Gerry Duggan
Art - Phil Noto
Letters - VC's Clayton Cowles
Design - Tom Muller
Edits - Amaro, White, Cebulski
Cover Price: $3.99
On-Sale: March 2, 2022

Straight outta the... "oh yeah, that's a thing we still need to talk about" pile -- the X-Men tie-in to the Devil's Reign event rolls on!  As we've become accustomed, Emma Frost is our focal character... and, as usual, she's being ever the altruist -- still doing bad things, but with only the purest of intentions.  So, yeah - it's basically every Emma Frost story!

In the mailbag we talk more about Thunderbird as the X-Men's Barry Allen, and what it means to lose the Crucible.  It's a fun time as always!

--

Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/xlapsed

X-Lapsed Voicemail: 623-396-5375 (or, 623-396-JERK)

Twitter: @acecomics / Instagram: @90sxmen

weirdcomicshistory@gmail.com

chrisandreggie.podbean.com

The All-New, All-Different chrisisoninfiniteearths.com

facebook.com/groups/90sxmen

X-Men Vignettes, Chapter Thirty-Seven (1989)

 

X-Men Vignettes #37 (1989)
"Was Not What Will Be"
Writer - Fabian Nicieza
Pencils - Rick Leonardi
Inks - Bob McLeod
Letters - Joe Rosen
Colors - Mike Rockwitz
Edits - Edelman, Harras, DeFalco
From: Classic X-Men #37 (September, 1989)

How ya like that "cover" image, eh? Pretty pro-friggin-fessional, ain't it? It goes to show that anybody with a fake-ass Photoshop program can make something passable. Speaking of which, I'm not sure there's a program on the planet that'll make discussing this story in the usual "CioIE style" work -- because, it's basically a dozen pages of annoying twentysomethings engaging in "deep" conversation...s. That's right, we're not going to be focusing much on any of these "intellectual" chats... we're going to be bouncing around from subject to subject -- which, don't get me wrong, is what real people do -- it just doesn't really facilitate some idiot trying to synopsize it thirty-some years later.

Let's give it a shot anyway, eh? Hey, at the very least this one'll give everyone the opportunity to share their "unpopular opinion" that they think Dazzler's a pretty cool character!

--

Our story opens with Disco Dazzler (it's weird that they're calling her that... in fact, even among her friends, she's only referred to as "Disco") wrapping up a gig at a... I dunno if it's supposed to be a seedy place, or just a club that's sorta-kinda behind the times. Sliding timelines being what they are, I can't be totally sure when this story is/was taking place. Ali's going to reference Ed Koch, who was Mayor of New York City from 1978... but, she's also going to mention Ronald Reagan, who wasn't sworn in as President until 1981. Though, it was just a passing reference... he could've still been a front-running candidate, I suppose. She and her intellectual pals also talk about the "Sins of the 80s" -- Figure "safest" bet (as if it even matters in the slightest), is that this story is from 1980? Wow, now that was a waste of several sentences, wasn't it? Anyway, she wraps up her set -- checks in with "Gags", the owner of the club... finds out it's later than she thought it was, and bugs on out.

The next three pages feature Disco strappin' on her skates and skitching all the way from the club in Brooklyn, across the bridge to the Nighthawk Diner in Manhattan. Skitching might not be the right term for it... as, growing up you'd "skitch" by holding on to the back of a car while the roads were icy... so, you'd kinda glide behind it. Ali though, has skates... so, she's just rolling behind the various vehicles she's bumper-tugging. Along the way, she gives us the quick 'n dirty tour... pointing out the sorta stuff folks usually mention when they wanna make it clear that they're "real" New Yawkas. She also stops a car full of a-hole kids from drinking and driving, so there's that too.

She finally arrives at The Nighthawk... where we meet a trio of her friends. They're "starving intellectuals", all on the lower end of the socioeconomic spectrum, which they can't help but to keep mentioning... but, also smarter than everybody else, which they also can't help but to keep mentioning. You might be wondering why I have this weird kneejerk dislike for them... and, well -- it's probably because, back in my early 20s, I was them -- and boy, I'd like to go back and kick myself in the nuts... cuz, I must've been prrrrrretty annoying. Disco sits with the crew, who call her out for always being late. Looks like they have a standing appointment for their mutual irritation admiration society every Friday night. Oof, the poor diner staff... I can only imagine how they dread seeing these four. Though, I suppose they're slightly better than having to pull intravenous drug users outta their bathroom stalls.

Anyway... the rest of the story is basically beboppin' from discussion to discussion... even to the point where they seemingly run out of things to gab about. Like I said at the jump, this all feels very "real"... but, sadly, real doesn't always equal "interesting"... and, this is not. I suppose I could talk a bit about Edward Hopper's Nighthawks (1942) painting to vamp for word count? The diner in this story isn't Nighthawks (well Phillies, actually -- the diner in the painting isn't called "Nighthawks"), though I'd guess that the use of the name is intentional to evoke that sorta vibe. Actually, I'm not gonna waste your time trying to talk about the painting... if you're interested in some fun NYC history, here's a link to someone trying to track down the actual diner.

One of the topics of conversation... the only one worth digging into, pertains to Alison's mutant ability. Ali's pals know she's a mutant, and how she uses her lightshow powers as part of her stage act. The question is raised here as to whether or not Ali is wasting her "gift". Rather than using what she can do to try and fight the good fight... she's playing music that gets less trendy by the millisecond. Disco don' wanna be no "stupidhero" though... she likes her life the way it is.

We wrap up with a shift change at The Nighthawk, and our know-nothing caucus given the boot. Ali skates away from her pals, vowing that she'll never... eeeeeeever be a superhero.

--

Well that was whole lot of pages to say... not a whole lot.

This was one of those "pages in need of a story" situations, rather than a "story in need of pages". Dazzler was "introduced" in the last issue of Classix, and so... I suppose it stands to reason that she'd get a one-off backup Vignette here. Gotta strike when the iron's hot, am I right?

And, I suppose, as a "before they were stars" sorta look at her, this served its purpose. We know that Ali kinda got swept up into the superhero life... and didn't immediately dig it. It was one of the things that made her unique... which, sadly wasn't a trait that stuck around. Hell, nowadays, she's doing the Krakoa thing like everybody else. Here we see her chatting up her pals about not wanting to be a superhero -- I think one of them suggested she join the Avengers here. Ali ain't too keen on that as, a) she thinks her powers aren't suited for it, and b) she likes her life the way it is -- or, was -- back in the 70s. She doesn't seem all that jazzed about the 1980s... which, the way it's written, seems more due to the fact that Fabian Nicieza didn't care much for Ronald Reagan.

Ali's friends were... as mentioned... annoying. This entire scene reminded me of those little bits and pieces from Friends, where the gang would try and act like they're deep intellectuals, rather than (do I use the word "privileged") douchebags who can afford to live comfortably in one of the most expensive cities in the country who never seem to have to go to work. It's insufferable to watch... and, not all that much fun to read.

Not to get too far into the weeds or anything... but, the "deep" discussions these goofs had here... while projecting this "starving intellectual" image. Like I said, back in my early twenties... this was me. It wasn't until a handful of years later where I'd literally be starving. I wasn't projecting anything. Thinking back to the days where I would pretend to be a philosophical man of culture... who was among the smartest in any room I occupied. Yeesh, like I said above - I'd like to kick that guy square in the nuts.

If you've ever taken a PSY class... and, this ain't no attempt at "gatekeeping", this is some of the most basic psyche stuff there is -- this is 101 level, the kind of stuff even Tom King probably knows. If you've ever taken PSY101 (or done some surface-level research on the internet), you'll likely have heard of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. If not, here it is:

Looking back at myself (and our quartet of goofs at The Nighthawk), sitting around and having intellectual discourse woefully worried about reaching your potential -- with undertones of "secret superiority" (ie. anything you don't achieve isn't really your fault -- because the entire system is against you, you see?) -- the ability to worry about all'a that... relatively speaking, puts you pretty high up on the pyramid, dunnit? Like, tippity top tier! And while, yes, I'm clearly projecting here -- it's hard for me to really take these people seriously. As in, damn near every page of this made me roll my eyes. Not a fault of the story! If this were an episode of X-Lapsed, these are the sort of things we'd file under "Chris Problems".

Hopefully you have a higher tolerance for this sort of thing than I do... but, even if you do -- this still got far too many pages.

X-Men Vignettes, Chapter Thirty-Six (1989)

 

X-Men Vignettes #36 (1989)
"Outside In"
Writer - Fabian Nicieza
Pencils - Mark Bright
Inks - Joe Rubenstein
Letters - Joe Rosen
Colors - Glynis Oliver
Edits - Edelman, Harras, DeFalco
From: Classic X-Men #36 (August, 1989)

Now, here's an odd little ditty to revisit -- taking into account the massive changes that hit the line in mid-2019. If "old" Moira is a new character or concept to you -- I'll do my best to make this as easy and unconfusing a read as possible. Well, to the best of my own somewhat lacking ability, anyway!

Basically, what you need to know is - Moira's not a mutant, and her son's conception wasn't some odd "orchestration" between she and Xavier to ensure they had the most advantageous offspring(s). Now that I think of it -- I hope I'm able to keep it all straight!

Anyway... let's welcome Fabian Nicieza to the scribe-seat (we survived our detour though Nocenti-land, more or less unscathed!), and take a look at Moira's first futzin' with the concept of... Resurrection!

--

We open, I'm assuming on Muir Island, where Moira MacTaggert (Life Ten, for all y'all in the know) is stood before the gravesites of her son Kevin, and abusive a-hole ex-husband, Joe. This is shortly after the Proteus storyline in X-Men, naturally. Moira is chatting with herself about her current situation -- and it's pretty bleak. She notes that her beau, Banshee is waiting for her, a respectable distance away -- by the car, while she mourns in the rain. She wonders why she hasn't let him try and help her grieving process... as it's clear he'd like to. She hops back in the hooptie, and barely even addresses Sean, other than to tell him to take her home. Which he does. Next we know, we're at Moira's place, where Sean is offering her a cuppa tea. She... snaps at him, calling him dense for not realizing that she'd like to be left alone for a bit. So... he leaves her be.

Banshee heads over to the in-house gymnasium to get in some upper-body work and wallow in his lost powers... leaving Moira to engage in some sketchy studies. Ya see, she's been studying cloning. The potentially-peer-reviewed piece is titled: Cloning: The Possibilities and the Ramifications. So... Resurrection Protocols 1.0? Can someone hook a lady up with some Goldballs? It's worth noting that Moira feels very bad about being such a "witch" to Sean.

Sean returns from pumpin' iron a little bit later... only to find the living room empty, Moira's cuppa tea still steaming on the coffee table. Wow, that was either a really short workout... or some really hot tea. Where's Moira? Well, she's in the lab, along with her freeze-dried son! Kevin MacTaggert's corpse lay in an airtight tube for preservation... which might tell us that Moira's been considering this clone endeavor from the very start. In her "voiceover", it's confirmed that Kevin's conception was an act of hatred and violence -- the implication is that Moira was raped -- confirmation is forthcoming in just a few pages. It's been many minutes, and I can't remember if this was made clear in the original Proteus story... or, if it was only alluded to and still maybe too taboo a subject for comics to tackle in the late-70s? Of course, we "current year" post-HoXPoX types know that Kevin's conception went down somewhat differently than this.

Sean somehow immediately knows what Moira's got in mind... and he goes charging down to the lab. Unfortunately for him, it's locked... and his personal access code (SUCRETS -- geddit?) has been deactivated. He shouts through the thick metal door for Moira to truly consider her actions before... well, acting. She assures him... or, at least she narrates to herself... that she knows what she's doing.

Sean retreats back to the living area, where he proceeds to... sit down with Moira's family photo album. I'm not completely sure why he's doing this... maybe it's obvious and I'm just missing the point, or maybe it's just a way to semi-organically fill in some of Mo's backstory? I dunno. Anyway, Sean's flipping through the album, reading it for "the articles" ya see... and he comes across a trio of photos. One from Moira and Joe's wedding, another with she and Xavier clownin' around, and finally the snap from when she was awarded the Nobel Prize.

Meanwhile, back in the lab, Moira is delicately removing a sliver of skin from her dead son's corpse's right shoulder. The sample plops onto a slide... and SHOOMPs outta the canister for further and closer study.

Moira' ticker-tape lab gimmick starts squirtin' out paper... which our lady reads. It looks like, with what she has available - cloning is an option. Looks like it might be a race against the clock though, as Banshee comes to the realization that he can override the Lab Access keypad gimmick. Not sure why he didn't just do that the first time around, but... okay.

Sean enters just as Moira's about to dump the contents of a wide beaker into a pool of... I dunno, maybe it's the stuff from the Creepy Crawlers playset thing? Ya know, that goop that you'd heat under a lightbulb, ala the Easy Bake Oven, so it would harden into like (inedible... unless you're really hungry, I guess) "gummy" insects. Maybe it's a pool'a that stuff? Anyway, Sean tries to get Moira to reconsider her actions... but, she's pretty set on going through with it. She sees it as giving her son a second chance... to live a more innocent life. This odd cloning "conception" removes the violent taint, of Joe MacTaggert's rape. Moira reminds Sean that Proty is a reality warper... and could recreate himself. To which, Sean asks why he hasn't done so yet.

Sean continues to try reasoning... and ultimately, Moira collapses into his arms, dropping the Creepy Crawler fluid canister, shattering it all over the floor. Sean reminds her of all the good she's done for other mutants... and how, so much of her research came from her attempts at curing (or counteracting) her son, Mutant X. With that in mind, Kevin actually has left a legacy... a good one.

We get a couple of pages of them chatting about doing something to Sean's throat... and having a whiskey, I'm not sure in which order. Before they leave the lab, however, Moira heads over to the console... and presses the button that disengages the airlock on Kevin's tube. His well-preserved corpse is kissed by the air... and decomposes almost instantly. Moira says that thing Ezio says when he kills someone in Assassin's Creed II, and we're outta here.

--

Ya know, back in the long ago, when I first read that Chris Claremont was hesitant to x-pand the X-Men into a franchise... I thought he was dead wrong in his thinking... for a few reasons. Of course, there's commercial and financial stuff -- but, I also "bought in" on this huge cast of characters, who I felt all needed a place where they could shine. Like, without an X-Factor... how much "paginal real estate" could a Guido Carosella x-pect to get? It might go without saying that I was a much younger fella when I initially had these thoughts.

Coming in to the fandom when I did, I never had the opportunity to see/read X-Men as the semi-tightly-knit four-color soap opera that it had been for the decade and a half prior. For me, it was about the sprawl... and I had a "more books the better" mentality (so long as those books were a buck 'n a quarter on the racks). I loved getting my "weekly fix" and couldn't imagine living in a world where I only got to read one X-Book a month. To say my mind has changed in the years since... well, I mean, that's pretty much what I've been building toward saying over the past couple of paragraphs...

Getting a story like this... which is, to my mind, so dependent on things occurring a certain way -- makes me yearn for an era of X-Men I wasn't even a part of. Sure plotlines were left to "dangle", but for the most part, the stories presented were cohesive... made sense... and fit. That's becoming my main takeaway in doing this Vignette Project. The X-Men were in the "seminal stages of sprawl" in the mid-late 80s. It was a family of five at this point (not counting Classix), if I'm not mistaken: Uncanny X-Men, X-Factor, New Mutants, Excalibur, and Wolverine... there's also Alpha Flight, where yer mileage may vary. We had that many titles already, and yet -- everything still felt like it fit.

Even the oft derided (sometimes even deservedly so) 90's glut of X-Books managed to, at the very least, try and make everything work. It really wasn't until the "star writer era" after the turn of the century, where the X-Books kinda just went their own ways... contradicted one another... added and removed bits of history, which wouldn't even be acknowledged across the board. Characters would die in one book, yet still be alive and kicking in another. It became a cesspool of editorial incompetence and indifference.

So, what is it about this story in particular that's drumming up all these "entitled, gatekeeping, manbaby" (did I get them all?) feelings in me? Well, I suppose it's, in a way, the most relevant to what's going on today in the X-Books. A story like this... I suppose it could've happened in a post-HoXPoX world... but, it wouldn't hold near as much import -- at least not to me. I hesitate to use a word like "cheapen"... but, I'm struggling to come up with another that would fit as well. The current state of things... well, it kinda cheapens this, dunnit? Maybe it's just me.

First: I mean, it's all about the finality of death... and acceptance, which is something mutants don't have to do anymore. If you're following the current-year stuff, you'll know that Proteus is alive and well... and is a very important cog in the Krakoan engine. It's also been revealed (I wanna say I discussed this as part of the 12-or-so hour long X-Lapsed, Episode 200: X of Swords Handbook) that Moira and Xavier chose their mating partners with the x-press purpose of having some advantageous offspring. Charles with Gabrielle Haller (remember "X-Twitter X-Scholars", Legion isn't Moira's kid), Moira with Joe MacTaggert. In the post-HoXPoX landscape, Moira didn't marry Joe until her 10th Life... and, she only did so to produce Proteus. Was it still a rape? That I couldn't say... as I honestly don't remember. I've spent several thousand hours with the current year stuff over the past eighteen months... so, to say it's mostly a muddled mess would be an understatement.

All's I'm saying is... stories like this, sadly don't stand the test of time -- not by any fault of its own, but simply due to endless attempts at reinventing the wheel. In a vacuum, I quite enjoyed it... but, I gotta say, if I'd read this in 2018, I'm sure I'd have enjoyed it a whole lot more. All this to say, Chris Claremont was right. From a creative (and sensical) standpoint, the X-Line should'a remained "lean and mean"... even if that meant that 12-year old Chris wouldn't get his weekly fix.

X-Men Vignettes, Chapter Thirty-Five (1989)

 

X-Men Vignettes #35 (1989)
"Paper, Not Paper"
Writer - Daryl Edelman
Art - John Bolton
Letters - Joe Rosen
Colors - Glynis Oliver
Edits - Edelman, Harras, DeFalco
From: Classic X-Men #35 (July, 1989)

Howzat for a cursed cover? That one'll give ya nightmares! One of the most fun parts of this project has been taking in these, sometimes odd, sometimes eerie, almost always beautiful Bolton back covers... and perhaps even sharing them with a generation of readers who didn't even realize they existed! This one in particular has haunted me something fierce... I mean, just look at it!

Can the story even hope to live up to that sort of eerie madness? Well... it's written by our Assistant Editor, and it's one of three scripts he's ever written. Hopes high enough yet?

Let's do it!

--

X-Men #129 (January, 1980) - (w) Chris Claremont / (a) John Byrne

This is going to be one of the "between the panels" stories we get in Vignettes from time to time. Above, you can see the series of panels from X-Men #129 (January, 1980), where this odd and ethereal little ditty begins. There, Kitty Pryde, during her first appearance issue, phases through the wall of a malt shop into an alley. Below, we see Kitty trying to gather her thoughts and make sense of the situation. She is quite confused by her phase-ability -- and, while we know this isn't the first time it's manifested (it's not even the first time today), it may be the first time she actually sees it in action. This isn't her falling from her bedroom to the living room below while she was sleeping -- she's cognizant of her situation right now... and, at least for this very moment, awake.

From here, however, it's off to slumberland. Kitty finds herself shrunken down reading from a tremendous book. She's approached by... I don't know what the hell this is... but, our gal doesn't seem to recognize it. Kitty shoos the whatever-the-hell away so she might study in peace. Worth noting, the whatever-the-hell is in a gummed up wheelchair. I dunno if it's supposed to be Professor X? By now y'all know that I'm pretty dense... and I only see symbolism where there is none. So, if this is truly symbolic... well, it's all going over my head.

Anyway, Kitty is asked if she can dance... and the whatever-the-hell reveals that it's familiar with the book Kitty's attempting to study from. It's a book called Structure and Function of the X-Factor by Charles Xavier, by the by. Just then, from behind a nearby curtain, the White Queen trots out... uhh, another slew of whatever-the-hells. These look kind of like mannequins with tennis balls taped to their chests. Very bizarre, indeed. They're here to dance -- and, I'm assuming this is an avant garde take on the "wooing" of Kitty Pryde. The wheelchair guy is Chuck... and Emma is, well, Emma. They're competing to see who "gets" Kitty Pryde.

What follows here are... several pages of weird-looking stuff. Ya notice how, of late I'm starting more paragraphs with "What follows here are several pages of..."? I have! It might make one start to think that... the twelve pages allotted for these Vignettes might be... I dunno, six pages too many? Feels very padded. Thankfully that "padding" is drawn by John Bolton. Let's hit the main beats. Emma turns Xavier's book into mush... and we pop back out to reality, where sleeping Kitty is under a pile of books. So, is this real or not?

Next, Kitty's approached by another whatever-the-hell, which transforms into Storm. We get a platitude about not judging books by their cover... and how people will continue to grow and change. This scene appears to be taking place both inside Kitty's dream and in the now-bookless alley. Well, there's one book, which Storm's reading from... but, that pile's nowhere to be seen.

From here, Kitty and Storm dance back into the dream... eesh, I feel like I'm in the middle of a dream... to take on Emma and her booby mannequins. Well, to dance in front of them, I guess. I dunno. This displeases Emma greatly... and so, she unleashes a bunch of booby mannequins... in wheelchairs?

The wheelchairs crash into Storm, knocking her out. Kitty then places Storm into one of the wheelchairs... and beelines it toward Emma -- phasing right through her... and the wall behind her... back into Kitty's own home... which is actually a book itself? Ya know, I'm loving the art here... it's some really excellent stuff, but... this is getting stretched wildly thin at this point.

Next we know, Kitty wakes up in the alley -- just as Emma and the Hellfire Goons are loading the X-Men into their air-hooptie. We close out with Ms. Pryde phasing in and stowing away...

... which happened two pages later back in X-Men #127! There we go, we added... somethin' to the lore! I'm not x-actly sure what we added... but, yeah... somethin'!

X-Men #129 - January, 1980 - (w) Chris Claremont / (a) John Byrne

--

Ya know, I was gonna write this elaborate bit wherein I transcribed an imagined conversation between Daryl Edelman, Bob Harras, and Tom DeFalco about the creation of this little ditty -- with the overall "message" being, something along the lines of: "Hey, that's a great page and a half worth of story... you've got twelve!"

Since I am not creative or humorous in any way, I won't torture y'all with that -- instead, I'll just say that this was an interesting and worthwhile idea to pursue... but, it certainly didn't need a dozen pages to be told. Kitty's going through a pretty confusing time right now (plus, who knows what hoo-doo Emma is doing just on the other side of the wall), so it'd stand to reason that she might just "trip out" a bit. Good idea... decent execution... just wayyy too long.

At least it was rendered by our main man, John Bolton... who, at this point, sadly isn't long for this project. Things are about to take a turn for the... well, I don't wanna say "worse", cuz we've got some Nicieza stuff coming our way, and I'm a bit Fabes-fan... but, the X-Men Vignettes are certainly sliding down the list of Marvel's priorities at this point. When you see some of the art that's headed our way, you might think you sent in five Charleston Chew UPCs and got a free comic... or, ordered the Kid's Personal Pan Pizza at Pizza Hut... and got a free comic. Anyway, that's a concern for later -- let's just be happy for today that we've still got Bolton!

Overall - a neat little "trip", which I probably would've enjoyed more had I not been stressing about thinking up stuff to actually say about it here on the site!

X-Lapsed, Episode 331 - X-Men #8 (2022)

X-Lapsed Episode Three Hundred Thirty-One

X-Men (vol.6) #8 (April, 2022)
"The Buffet is Undefeated"
Writer - Gerry Duggan
Art - Javier Pina
Colors - Marte Gracia
Letters - VC's Clayton Cowles
Design - Tom Muller
Head of X (?) - Hickman
Edits - Amaro, White, Cebulski
Cover Price: $3.99
On-Sale: February 16, 2022

We're back to the "flagship"... which, is unfortunately a book seemingly stuck between two eras.  Not quite Reign of... but also not yet full-blown Destiny of.

It's widescreen mutant action... in that Morrison JLA style, which is to say... not my favorite approach.  Snark and quips take the place of characterization... and, oh yeah -- M.O.D.O.K. shouts "For Science!" - that's a punchline, y'all.  Laugh!

In the mailbag we discuss the shifting in what it means to be a Mutant in the post-Hickman landscape -- plus, a little bit more on the "seams showing" in XLADOW.

Then, I get a bit self-indulgent -- talking about the future of this (and other) shows on the channel... which, heck - if you made it that far, don't feel bad about clicking "stop".

--

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X-Men Vignettes, Chapter Thirty-Four (1989)

 

X-Men Vignettes #34 (1989)
"Double Negative"
Writer - Ann Nocenti
Art - John Bolton
Letters - Joe Rosen
Colors - Glynis Oliver
Edits - Edelman, Harras, DeFalco
From: Classic X-Men #34 (June, 1989)

We're getting really close to the end of this leg of the Vignettes Project. As it stands now, we've only got two chapters left that come equipped with "cover images". In case I didn't make this clear from the start... and, I mean, if you're reading these, you most likely already know -- but, these Classic X-Men backups had their own "covers"... which is to say, the back cover would have a pin-up -- which, are the images I took, and slapped a low-poly, grainy, poorly edited "X-Men Vignettes" logo on (seriously, don't look at it too closely)... and then typed the chapter number in Bookman OldStyle Font in as near a similar shade of blue and white as I could get it.

That all changes, however, with issue #37. I'm guessing it's due to a combination of Marvel wanting more ad revenue and not really prioritizing this project anymore... but, come that issue... the back cover will be - just an ad. Here's a silly little "mock-up" I did for what Vignettes #37 could'a been:

Back Cover of Classic X-Men #37 (September, 1989)

So, knowing that's headed our way... I guess I'm going to have to try and get a bit creative for upcoming covers. Creativity isn't my strong suit... which is probably why all I tend to write about are other peoples' creations. There's a saying that I've tried to coin over the years -- "Those who can, do -- those who cannot, review" -- it rhymes and sorta rolls off the tongue in said in the right cadence.

Anyway, all that to say -- come Vignette #37, we'll be entering the final "leg" of this project. I believe the last Vignette appears in Classic X-Men #44? I could be mistaken... but, I don't think I am. Crazy, when I started this I could'a sworn they ran into the 60s! I guess this won't go quite as long as our Action Comics Daily dealie from the long ago... though, there are some X-Men shorts floating around out there that might be needing some attention in the form of the Vignette treatment? What say you?

Oh well, enough pre-ramble... let's get Hellfirin'!

--

We open at the Hellfire Club, where... hmm, lemme check the Wiki... ah, yes: Unnamed Servant Girl is attending to Jason Wyngarde's drink order. We can see that he thinks of her as nothing more than a brainless trollop... an object. Speaking of objectification, he gets a big ol' eyeful of her goods before she awkwardly backs away. She asks if there's anything else he might need... likely expecting a very unpleasant answer -- yet, gets none. Jaybird ain't even gonna dignify her with a response. Worth noting here, and maybe it's just me -- but, Bolton draws Wyngarde to look a bit like Charlie Manson.

Unnamed Servant Girl slinks away back to her quarters... demoralized and feeling like, well, feeling like exactly what Wyngarde wanted her to feel like -- nothing more than an object. In the "help" quarters, or, I dunno "ladies' locker room" she runs into Emma Frost... who is in the middle of a conversation with her very favorite person -- that being, herself in the mirror. USG asks how Emma can deal with their lot in Hellfire Life - being ogled, being a plaything, ya know... being a Hellfire Wench. Emma takes great offense to this, reminding USG that she is the White Queen. Sure, USG is nothing more than a cheap bit of eye-candy to the creepers in the Club, but Emma... Emma wields actual power. She claims that while the fetishwear of USG cheapens her... Emma's own fetishwear cheapens everyone else. Welp, I guess it's all in one's own perception, eh? Least Emma acknowledges her agency.

Emma continues her monologue while fetching her cape gimmick... and finally tells Unnamed Servant Girl that sexism is an illusion... it only x-ists when you give it power. When you empowers those who you think may try and wield it to make you lesser. And, in the Hellfire Club... no one dares to play such games with the White Queen. USG comes to the realization that Emma's just as bad as the rest of 'em. C'mon lady, is this the first time you're meeting Emma Frost?

From here... well, the story kinda falls apart. Or, rather, kinda just ceases to be for a handful of (fun to look at) pages. Emma approaches Wyngarde for a game of chess... and, what follows is three pages of... well, them playing chess. It's all very symbolic, and perhaps falls a bit on the "too cute by half" side of things... but, I suppose it's somewhat successful in making the point it's trying to make. The gimmick here is that we're seeing their mental joust play out on the board... and, in the game, they wind up falling prey to one another. Again, neat to look at, and fine idea... just not near as deep as I think it's supposed to be. Feel like we can sum up so many Nocenti/Bolton stories with that very line.

This takes us to the wrap up, where we can see that... this entire "game" took place on the astral plane -- not a single chess piece was moved. Unnamed Servant Girl is watching this play out... and realizes that, while Ms. Frost claims superiority to all -- she is but a slave. A slave... to games.

--

Okay, I didn't dislike this. I know that's like the usual levels of "praise" I've been giving our trips into Nocenti-land of late... but, it's really about all I can say. I don't have any personal stories I can relate-n-conflate into this... and, I'm not x-actly sure what it actually accomplished. It enlightens us to the "power dynamic" of the Hellfire Club... but, I didn't think that was ever in question in the first place? Maybe it's just all the years of hindsight getting in the way?

Something that really struck me is what Emma said about the nature of sexism... especially in the post-social media world we're currently living in, where it feels as though folks often comb over any statements being made for any traces of sexism... or, ya know, whatever else they're looking to be offended by. Here, Emma tells our Unnamed Servant Girl that -- sexism isn't a thing, unless you make it into one. It simply doesn't x-ist... to her mind, anyway. Well, it x-ists, just not in the way the USG thinks it does. My takeaway here is that it comes down to agency -- and, I could be completely wrong here, because it isn't terribly often that I find myself trompin' around a swingers club in showy lingerie and heels.

Emma appears to know what putting on the outfit means. She says as much to the USG. You put that outfit on... and, you're going to be ogled... you will be objectified... but only if you allow yourself to be. As we saw in the opening scene, USG does not appear to carry herself with any confidence... she's meek, she's clearly uncomfortable. To a sadist or creep at the Hellfire Club, she may as well be wearing a sign that she is someone who can be easily used, dominated, wrung out... what have you. Emma, on the other hand, well... she compares her slinky get-up to the war armor of a samurai. It's her protection, it's her weapon... it's how she gets stuff done.

Emma isn't meek... and like the new guy/gal in the prison... she approaches one of the biggest, baddest dudes in the yard to make a name for herself. To show off her mental toughness. She matches mental-wits with friggin' Mastermind... and is able to battle him to a draw. It's not a win... but, at the same time, it kinda is.

Thing of it is though, Emma's so wrapped up in her "persona"... that she doesn't even realize what a prisoner she's become. Like, what does it matter if you're king or queen... when what you rule over is... this? Emma's in too deep. She's like someone who fought their way to a middle-management position, who then lets that position define who they are. They become the job... and begin to think lesser of those around them. And, no, this is one of the rare times I'll assure you that I'm not projecting -- at least not my own behavior, anyway. What happens when you take this person out of "the machine"? What do they become? What/Who is Emma Frost without her position in Hellfire?

She doesn't appear to want to find out. And so, as the Unnamed Servant Girl said, Emma -- whether she realizes it or not -- is also a slave.

Ya know what -- this might be one'a those odd stories where, when I started jotting down my thoughts I didn't really care for -- but, after breaking it down (as only I can... which is to say, sloppily and stream-of-consciously), I found that I rather liked it. Oh well!