Batman #351 (1982)

Batman #351 (September, 1982)
"What Stalks the Gotham Night?"
"Gentlemen Defer Blondes"
Writers - Gerry Conway & Bruce Jones
Pencillers - Gene Colan & Adrian Gonzales
Inker - Tony DeZuniga
Letterers - Ben Oda & Janice Chiang
Colorists - Adrienne Roy & Tom Ziuko
Editor - Dick Giordano
Cover Price: $0.60

Our senses-shattering... and soul-saving conclusion!

--

We open on a close up of Batman, fangs bared.  There's either some very thick cuaguly blood dripping from his open maw, or this Vampiri-ness has given him a messed up tongue to match his teeth.  We turn and get his point of view... he is watching his young ward Dick Grayson escort his on-again off-again Vicki Vale back to her apartment.

Dick gets a bit grabby, and lunges in to get a Vampiri "love bite" in on her neck.  He is distracted, however, by the shadow of the bat projected onto the building.  This gives Vicki enough time to pull away and tell him to cool his jets.  As she disappears into her building, Batman swoops down... reads Dick the riot act, then kayos him with the quickness.

At Wayne Manor, Alfred has prepared some tea... for who, that's anyone's guess.  He is taken completely off guard in finding Bruce Wayne sitting at the kitchen table reading the paper.  Why, that's not Bruce... that's Christopher Chance... the Human Target!  He was evidently hired by Wayne to impersonate him some time back.  He tears off his Bruce Wayne face mask, which seems like quite a waste... I'm pretty sure, all things considered, Alfred would have taken him at his word.  Anyhoo, he appears to be applying for the gig of saving Wayne from being murdered.  Okey dokey.

Before they can go much further, Alfred is alerted via a blinking light on the telephone that Master Bruce... the real Master Bruce is in need of him.  He rushes to the Batcave to find Batman carrying a konked out Dick Grayson.  They strap Dick to a table, and Batman takes a sample of his blood.  Not to go too far off subject, but Alfred didn't know Bruce way home... and wasn't expecting a visit from Chance, does he just walk around Wayne Manor carrying a tea service all day?

Anyhoo, Alfred pops out for a second and places a call to St. Jude's Hospital.  He feels it's finally time to take Father Green up on his offer of soul-salvaging.

We briefly shift scenes, to follow up on Bard and Gordon, Private Investigators as they pop in on Squeeze, the photographer from last issue.  He tries to play dumb, but Gordon doesn't let him slide... they know his style, and they know he's wrapped up in the photo-doctoring... or something.  As an aside, I really like the idea of Jim Gordon as a Private Eye.  I think it's a fun way to explore his pursuit of justice, outside the auspices of the GCPD.  This is something I'd love to see go down today.

Back at Wayne Manor, Father Green arrives and is escorted in by Alfred.  Christopher Chase (whose first name I keep misspelling... even though it's the same as mine) looks on, and decides there may just be more about this Wayne and Pennyworth than meets the eye... and he's gonna stick around until he gets to the bottom of it.

Father Green is led into the Batcave... and this is pre-Crisis, so he may have been one of the few folks in the DC Universe not to have already stepped foot there.  He gives Batman the spoo on the Vampiri, and as luck would have it, he knows how to end the curse.  They will need a blood sample from the man who passed it on, they need the Blood of DuBois.  That sounds like a Civil War era romance novel, no?

And so, Batman and Green head out... with Father Green riding shotgun in the Batmobile.  They arrive at Dala's place, she is apparently DuBois' sister.  I think I mistook her for her 19th century wife last issue... he did refer to her as "dearest", which is not something I've ever called (or been called by) a sibling.  They ask for his whereabouts, and she just laughs at them.  Off-panel, she tells them where to go... like seriously, her brother is hanging out at an old church.  Not too cliche, eh?  Batman decides to enter alone, as this whole ordeal has been made personal to him.  What he finds is a few desecrated graves and people strapped and bleeding out from upside-down crucifixes!

Suddenly DuBois pounces in.  He and the Batman roll around for a bit.  The screaming alerts Father Green, who decides to, cross-in-hand, enter the structure... where he gets jumped by Dala!

From here, and this is funny to say... things get comic-booky.  Batman punches DuBois... and then punches Dala.  Father Green pulls out is hypodermic, and retrieves the sample they require... Batman is all but cured.

This story wraps up with Vicki Vale rifling through her filing cabinet.  Just so happens she wanted to gaze into her photos of Bruce Wayne and Batman on this fine evening.  We shift to the actual whereabouts of the photos, as Boss Thorne has hired a very dangerous man to eliminate Wayne.

Our Catwoman backup picks up where it left off last issue.  She's "hangin' in there" as a man holds a gun on her.  She uses her cape (remember Catwoman used to wear a cape?  Weird) to swipe his gun, knowing that he's beat... the man pulls her up.  We learn that the man is Paul Henning of the F.B.I. and has no interest in harming Selina.

He spills the beans on the dead girl from earlier.  Her full name was Candy Carole, but before that she was Pam Powell... gotta hand it to her for keeping the alliteration up!  She found herself wrapped up in a bank heist at the behest of her husband Dwight... who had a bad case of bettin'-it-on-the-ponies.

After their new start in Cleveland as the Caroles, Dwight... now Roscoe got back into the betting game, and wound up running into a Jake Marley... a lot of baddies are called Marley around now.  Anyhoo, dude ran up his tab... and the baddies wanted their pound of flesh.  Somehow they mistook a brunette with her hair tucked into her hat as a bubbly blonde, and abducted Selina Kyle instead of Candy.  Well, to be fair... in the art, what hair that is sticking out of her hat is yellow.  Honest mistake...

Paul asks Catwoman if she can help him get his hands on Candy's safety deposit box using her most excellent Candy Carole cosplay.  She's down with it, and so they head to the bank... only to find the deposit box... empty!

As luck would have it, Jake Marley followed Candy into the bank!  He calls out to her, but she ducks away to throw on her Catwoman duds... she returns and, quite shockingly does not jump headfirst into his midsection... instead she wallops him with a flying kick.

The banker suddenly realizes that Candy's husband Roscoe was in a few hours earlier to empty the deposit box... yeah, that's kind of important information to be sitting on Mr. Banker.  How could you forget something like that?  Weird.  Anyhoo, now with the knowledge of who's got the loot... Catwoman knows that it's likely all going to be spent at the races... and so, we're off to 'em!  Wouldn'tcha know it, there's ol' Roscoe!  Upon seeing Catwoman he drops the dosh, and runs onto the track... directly into the path of a half-dozen speeding horses.  Wonk wonk wonkkkk...

--

Well, that was anticlimactic, wasn't it?

Not that I was expecting some huge game-changer of a conclusion... but this treated the whole thing like an afterthought.  We get upwards of 60-pages of build... two-panels of "alright then... here's your cure, Batman!", then rush to start the pay-off for a subplot with an appearance of Deadshot.  Can't help but feel let down here.

The whole story so far was tense and creepy, but it ends with DuBois and Dala getting socked in the mush.  "Sock" is literally the sound effect used when Batman bops Dala.  As there was no follow-up on what Batman did with Marley last issue, I guess we have to assume that he did, in fact, feed off another human being.  So Batman killed a dude... I guess?  Or turned him into a Vampiri?  Dunno, maybe this is eventually picked-up later down the line.

Anyhoo... just a bit disappointed with this one.  Was hoping there would be more to it than just "go to the baddie's place and punch 'em".  There are a lot of positives here, for instance... I am glad they kept Dick Grayson in this, as I feared he may just be presumed-to-be-cured and that this whole affair would just never be addressed again.  The photo subplot(s) received follow-up, and we get this odd wrinkle of the Human Target sniffing around Wayne Manor.  There is more than enough to keep a reader interested, engaged, and wanting to follow Batman and Detective Comics.  I guess, I just would've liked the main story to get a bit more in the way of closure.

To close, I suppose I should temper my disappointment a bit... this was a great issue that did end as a "to be continued" after all... albeit for one of the subplots.  There is a lot going on here, and a lot to like... this is from a time when subplots carried stories forward, and as such there weren't always "clean breaks" that would fit neatly into a collected edition.  Hell, for all I know this storyline still looms large in the background for a bit.  Guess I'm gonna have to dig through the ol' longboxes eventually to find out.

--

Letters Page:

--

Interesting Ads:

The bird has an EYE PATCH!

Detective Comics #517 (1982)

Detective Comics #517 (August, 1982)
"The Monster in the Mirror"
"A Tale of Two Serpents"
Writers - Gerry Conway, Paul Levitz & Cary Burkett
Pencillers - Gene Colan & Jose Delbo
Inkers - Tony DeZuniga & Joe Giella
Letterers - Annette Kawecki & Janice Chiang
Colorists - Adrienne Roy & Tom Ziuko
Editor - Dick Giordano
Cover Price: $0.60

Well, we ended last issue with Batman gettin' the bite... now let's check in on him in all his Vampiri(c) glory!

--

We open with an awesome first-person perspective.  We are the Batman, and we are frantically heading through the brush on our way back to Wayne Manor.  Of particular interest, Batman enters through the front door... not something you'd expect.  He heads to the washroom and splashes a bit of water on his face... checking the mirror, his fears are realized.  Batman is a vampire!

Alfred hears his master's scream, and heads in to find out what's amiss.  Batman swats him away... tells him to leave, before he kills him!  Ya see, he's got needs now... dirty, horrible needs... needs he can't control.  I'll just leave the panels here without comment... maybe I'll just snicker a bit.

Perhaps realizing the only safety is in solitude, Batman runs off to the Batcave via the entrance behind the grandfather clock.  Alfred tries to collect himself before giving chase, however, before he can there is a ringing at the door.  Why, it's our old friend Father Green from St. Jude's!  The same fella who helped Robin.  He appears to know that the Batman is there, and offers Alfred something of a salvation.  He claims to be able to salvage "endangered souls".

We shift scenes to the WGBS News studio.  Newscaster Olivia Ortega is wrapping up this evenings broadcast, and is about to be met by (former) Commissioner Gordon and his partner Jason Bard.  They are looking for doctored photos of a maskless Batman.  From here they can pop in to the photo studio for follow-up.

This scene leads into another scene wherein Bat-photos are being perused.  "Boss" Thorne is poring over the photos stolen from Vicki Vale last chapter, and checking out Batman's Bertillon facial measurements to compare with Bruce Wayne's.  That doesn't sound good, right?  Seems almost too easy.  

Back at Wayne Manor, Alfred is humoring Father Green.  He is still playing coy about Batman being there, however, that does not stop Green from sharing a history lesson with him.  He speaks of a Louis DuBois... a plantation owner, circa the United States Civil War.  Even post-war, he was a jerk... keeping slaves and all that.

One night, after being an all-around prince to his hired help, he is drawn from his home by the rhythmic sound of drumming.  He ventures deeper and deeper into the woods, he comes to a bayou where he finds the source of the beat.

There is an old woman there.  A basket sits in her lap.  She invites DuBois to reach his hand inside, claiming that he will receive the gift of a long life... and so he does.

Inside, there is a large snake... that plunges its fangs into DuBois' arm.  He throws the snake off and flees, heading back in the direction he came.  He collapses over a fallen tree, and his wife rushes to his side.  For her troubles, she gets the love bite of her life.  Father Green concludes his tale by stating that DuBois was the man who attacked the Batman, and refers to his "type" as Vampiri. 

Elsewhere, they say there's no rest for the wicked... and Batman proves it by going out on patrol.  He comes across a would-be jewel thief clumsily fidgeting with a jewelry stores alarm.  Batman swoops in, recognizes the thief as a Mr. Marley, who he gives a fate worse than jail.  From all appearances, he just "fed" off of poor Marley, however, it is not entirely clear from the art.  Ya gotta figure, even when Batman gets cured... having actually "fed" on another human being is kind of a bridge-too-far.  Gotta figure there's more to this scene than we're seeing... least I hope there is!

We head toward our conclusion with Vicki Vale... still at the party, questioning where her date went.  Before she can leave, her arm is grabbed by Dick Grayson.  He advises her that Bruce had to split, and that he was to take her home.  He leads her to a car while Dala and DuBois watch with large-fangy smiles on their faces.

This chapter ends with Batman sitting on a rooftop... weeping.  The sun begins to rise... which doesn't seem to affect him.  Maybe the Vampiri and vampires aren't quite the same?  Who knows... either way, he faces the dawn with a newfound resolve to reattain his mortal soul.

We start our backup strip with a snake-tailed Batgirl.  We learn that she had been bitten by Lady Viper shortly before, and her new bottom-half must have been some sort of parting gift.

Batgirl recalls that Lady Viper has the power to shift from her snake form back to human, and so... she concentrates really hard, and whattayaknow, gets her legs back!  Unfortunately, she appears to still have her serpentine lissssp.

Later, she visits a toxicologist in hopes of finding an antidote... gotta wonder what the co-pay on that might be... anyhoo, the Doc tells her he will need a sample of the venom in order to create an antidote... and before he can even finish his sentence, she is on the trail.

Batgirl checks in with her street-level contact, a bag lady... who puts her in touch with a fella called Charlie Trainer.  As luck would have it, he just happened to come across a "snake-woman" in an old boxcar out at the train yard.  Talk about convenient!  Of particular note, during the conversation, a cat seemed to get Chuck's tongue... which caused Babs to really give in to her sssnakiness.  Grabbed the poor doofus by the collar and everything!

In the boxcar... well, whatta-we-have here... it's Lady Viper.  The two engage in battle until Barbara is able to "konk" the snake-lady out.  She takes the sample, and quick as a cricket, it's synthesized into an antidote, and Babs is back in business.

She heads back to the boxcar... for some reason, maybe to arrest Lady Viper... I dunno.  Anyhoo, she heads inside, and finds that Lady Viper is changing into a full-blown snake... as in, no longer a snake-woman... just a snake.  Perhaps a woman-snake... but no longer humanoid... ya dig?  This is due to her having been in her snakey form too long without changing back into a human... something she (rightfully?) blames Batgirl for.  The bit ends with Barbara making a gag that rather than sending Lady Viper to jail, she may just have to send her to the Gotham Zoo... man, talk about kicking someone when they're down!

--

Another fun issue of Batman.  Not perfect, or even as good as the opener, but fun nonetheless.

The actual Batman bits were great.  I enjoyed seeing him have to cope with his new dental situation.  It's not often that we see Batman truly at a disadvantage.  Usually, even when the odds are completely stacked against him, he still maintains his cool.  Here, not so much.  Hell, we even see him go so far as to... feed.  That's definitely not something I expected.  You'd figure there's no going back from that... however, for all I know we'll learn that he didn't actually "take a bite" next issue.

Where this issue dragged a bit was Father Green's history lesson.  It just went on too long... could've been told in a page, and went on for a half-dozen.  Thankfully, Gene Colan's art came along for the ride... and was glorious throughout.

We follow-up a bit on the subplot from last issue having to do with the stolen Batman file.  It's funny that it's taken so long for someone to do the ol' Bertillon on Batman's facial measurements.  I think you walk a fine line when you introduce things like this into superhero comics.  This can be done for any hero with a secret identity... and if it is actually a "thing" in the DC Universe, there's no reason why people wouldn't.

The backup feature... was a backup feature.  Nothing Earth-shattering... just felt like page filler.  I do enjoy that Batgirl and Catwoman get a bit of love in the back-half of the Batbooks of the time, but have difficulty getting invested in either.  At least the Catwoman one was funny... in an odd kinda way.  This Batgirl story was pretty boring.

Overall, I enjoyed this quite a bit (no pun intended, maybe).  We'll check in on our caped-crusader again tomorrow (same bat-time, and all that jazz) to see if there's a cure in his future...

--

Interesting Ads:

Batman #350 (1982)

Batman #350 (August, 1982)
"Nightmare in Crimson"
"Those Lips, Those Eyes"
Writers - Gerry Conway, Paul Levitz & Bruce Jones
Artists - Gene Colan & Tony DeZuniga
Letterers - Ben Oda & Adam Kubert
Colorists - Adrienne Roy & Tom Ziuko
Editor - Dick Giordano
Cover Price: $0.60

Now I gets ta' askin' myself... I says "Self, why should Soopaman have all the fun fighting... and becoming a vampire?  Whattabout Batman?"... and so, here we are.  Batman takes a walk on the vampiric side.

Of note... being a big 90's comics fan, I'm both surprised and disappointed that this big "350th" issue isn't covered in foil and hologram stickers!

--

We open with Robin, Dick Grayson running for his life away from an outstretched hand.  There appear to be several upside-down crucifixions in his path.  He runs into the waiting arms of a woman called Dala, who I'm assuming is his current love-interest.  She flashes a smile full of pointed teeth and her arms turn to wings... and next thing we know, Robin wakes up.

Was the entire thing a dream?  Well, I'm sure we'll find out before long.  He wakes up to find a priest watching over him.  He claims to have found Robin darting out into traffic earlier that evening.  He almost struck him with his car, but luckily that was not the case... Robin collapsed, and the kindly priest decided to take him back to... wherever they are.  He offers Robin the bed for the night, but Dick declines.  Of interest, he glances in the mirror, and the reflection is fuzzy... whether that's his eyes playing tricks on him remains to be seen.

We shift scenes to Batman returning home from an adventure at the Headmaster's Crime Academy (which sounds like something we'll have to check out sometime soon!) He is remarkably upbeat... but that's probably just my post-Crisis talking.  He lands his newfangled batplane and taxis into the barnside entrance to the Batcave.

He greets Alfred, who is quite pleased to see him.  Ya see, he's got something on his mind... something disturbing.  But before he can explain, Dick Grayson wheels on in.  He's acting like kind of a jerk here, which is not lost on Bruce.  Bruce also notes that Robin's motorcycle sounded "almost ghostly".  Oohhhh...

Up in the manor, Dick informs Bruce that Dala invited them both to a big soiree at her place that night.  It is apparently very important to Dala that Bruce attend.  Bruce is rather agreeable, and says he'll be there.  Robin removes his domino mask revealing blood-red eyes.

We hop to Vicki Vale's office at the Picture News.  There's a fella in there rummaging through her files.  I'm sure if I were more familiar with this era I'd know who this guy is... but I gotta plead ignorance.  He finds the file labelled "Batman" and pockets it.  He escapes the office just as Vicki enters.  Her phone rings, and it's Bruce!  He asks her to go to Dala's party with him, and she's down with it.  We (or at least, I) learn that at this point in time Vicki Vale knows that Bruce Wayne is Batman!  Wasn't expecting that.

That night at the party, Bruce watches as Dick is led away from the group and into the house by Dala.  He gets the feeling that something's not quite right about this.  Taking advantage of his date Ms. Vale chasing a story, Bruce ducks into house himself... until he gets to a locked door.

Yeah, like that's gonna stop him.  He picks the lock with the quickness and enters... an empty room.  There is nothing but wooden beams in the room, however, upon further inspection, with use of the bat-flashlight, Bruce finds bloodstains on the floor.  He peeks out the window to see Dala leading Dick further away.  Time to suit up.

Now caped and cowled, Batman hops out the window and swings down to the ground.  The priest from the opening pages is here, and recognizes the Batman.  Vicki Vale, now done with her chat with the Sheik is looking for her date.  Batman reaches his destination and hears laughter... and assumes he's just overreacted and Dick and Dala are just... ahem, enjoying each other's company.  That's not the case, however... a purple clad vampire leaps from the shadows and onto our man.

The vampire... who Batman totally doesn't believe in, by the way... grips him by the throat, then sinks his fangs into Batman's neck.  Batman, still not believing in vampires, kicks the creep away... and bashes him over the head with a branch... I mean, he really gives it to him here.  This is like a killing blow... if Batman really doesn't think this dude is supernatural... then this was meant to kill!  Bruce reaches for his neck... and finds that he's bleeding.  The definitely-not-a-vampire coldcock's the Bat, and we are... [to be continued...]

We start our backup feature with a shot of Selina Kyle in bed.  Seems like she had one helluva night... she's achy, and can't remember anything.

She gets up and notes that her dress is all sticky... outta the gutter, you!  It's nothing like that... in fact, it's blood!  But whose?  Oh, it's probably from the dead prostitute in the living room.

Selina gets all noir-y and finds a matchbook with the lamp from A Christmas Story on it.

Not a finguh!

She's still too foggy to know what's going on.  There's a noise from the bathroom, and so she decides to throw on her Catsuit and investigate.  What she finds is a goony individual trying to climb out the window.  She ain't havin' that... and so she jumps headfirst into the fella!

This doesn't work so good... seemed to have hurt her more.  The goon runs away, and Selina has a flashback.  Looks like Burt Reynolds is putting the dead girl (before she was dead, natch) into the backseat of a cab.

Selina decides her best course of action would be to buy a short blonde wig and pose as the dead girl for her shift at the address on the matchbook.  As she walks in, she is called Candy, and is told that she "goes on" in fifteen minutes.

As she gets on stage for her strippy dance, she recognizes the goofball from the hotel... and so, she jumps headfirst into the fella.

If at first you don't succeed...

This is just as successful as it was the first time, as the dude gets away.  This time, however, Catwoman is able to give chase... but winds up doing her best "Hang in There" impression rather than catching the crook... we are [to be continued...]

--

Gotta say... I loved this issue.  Really wasn't expecting to be so taken with it, but it really scratched an itch for me.  I wanted a sorta-kinda scary story, and this was just that.  And it was a different kind of scary... more like uncomfortable, I guess.  Having Bruce be our point-of-view character for the second half and watching him follow a very spaced out Dick Grayson was really fun... even a bit tense.

Gotta plead ignorance on much of Batman's place in the world during 1982.  I was surprised to see him so upbeat... really not used to that.  Definitely not the Batman I was brought up on, but I must say I enjoyed it.  I could get behind a Batman who smiles every now and again.  Seems like a much healthier dude in these pre-Crisis days. 

Gene Colan's art here was pretty much just what the doctor ordered.  He just seems to be the go-to guy for all things vampire... not a bad reputation to have when you do what you do so well!

The backup feature was just kind of there.  Decent enough filler, and it was drawn quite well... fun to write about, I'll give it that!  Being that this is a serialized backup, there were bits that didn't quite explain themselves... like Selina being mistaken for the blonde dancing girl for instance... unless I just missed something.  I did learn one thing from this... when Catwoman wants to attack someone... she falls back on her ol' reliable "collide with their body head first" offense.

We'll continue our coverage of Batman's trip down vampire lane tomorrow.  I'm already looking forward to it!

--

Letters Page:

--

Interesting Ads: