X-Men Vignettes, Chapter Zero (1983)

X-Men Vignettes, Chapter 0 (1983)
"a day like any other"
Writer - Chris Claremont
Art - Dave Cockrum & Hilary Barta
Letters - Tom Orzechowski & David Cody Weiss
Colors - Andy Yanchus
Edits - Jones, Shooter
From: Special Edition X-Men #1 (February, 1983)

Hey, it's Sunday... least if I'm reading this calendar right -- if you've been following me, o these many years, you'll know that calendars are my Kryptonite -- just can't figure 'em out. But, if I'm right -- today's Sunday. And, Sunday is a day where I'll sometimes try and fit something a little "odd" into the rotation.

Enter: today's Vignette offering. First, how ya like that awesome(ly bad) cover I mocked up using a Cockrum pin-up? Eh? Eh? Pretty badass, right?

Now, what's our plan here? This isn't out of an issue of Classix... so, what's the deal? Well, here's da t'ing. I was out and about the other day, fishing thru the bins looking for a copy of Classic X-Men #19... which, I'll eventually be needing to track down for an upcoming post. As I've mentioned, I'd only recently prioritized collecting the Classix... and, as such, I don't yet got 'em all. Sure, I could just use the Marvel Unlimited digitals... but by now, y'all know that isn't my style. So yeah, I was trawlin' the bins for a copy of #19.

Now, da t'ing about Classix is... well, they're easy to find -- but, you can never be quite sure where you'll find 'em. Lemme x-plain. Just like when I was trying to track down my last few issues of 1st Issue Special, the back-issue bins can be a rather frustrating place. Let's take our ol' favorite 1st Issue Special #4... better known these days as the "lolz, Lady Cop issue". If you're bin-diving... this issue could be filed ahead of the A's... as in the "#" books for "1st", or it could be filed in the F's for "First", or it could be filed in the L's for "Lady Cop". I've even found some 1IS's filed in the D's for "DC"! So, kinduva pain in the butt. Add to the fact that most shops could give a crap about a title as offbeat as 1IS (until now, when it's suddenly en vogue to care about it), and you're in for a hunt.

Applying that to this run... we've got Classic X-Men... which changes to X-Men Classic. Which means you might find these filed under the "C" (singing crabs optional), or under the "X" -- sometimes they're jammed after the Uncanny's... sometimes they're crammed in the "X-Men Miniseries/Etc." bins. I mean, these are "caviar problems" for me to be kvetching about, to be sure -- but, what can I say?

Anyway, so I'm lookin' fer #19, right? And, I'm in the "X-Misc." region of the bins, and I happened across Special Edition X-Men #1... which I've seen like a million times before, but never felt the need to nab. I usually associate this one with those other X-Men Classics... ya know, the three-issue dealie from 1983 (below) that reprinted some of the Thomas/Adams Savage Land stuff from outta the original 66? I see those all the time too... but, only recently pulled the trigger outta "Classix completionism".

I'd long heard that this Special Edition has "x-tra pages"... which, as it's a reprint of Giant-Size #1, I assumed meant that it had those added pages that were also a part of the lead-story in Classic X-Men #1 (1986). And, since I need another reprint of Giant-Size like I need a hole in the head, I never thought to pick it up -- especially not at the twenty or so bucks I regularly see it going for.

Well, during this recent bin-dive, I managed to find a copy of the thing for... well, cover-price - two bucks! Figured, "eh, what da hell?" and picked it up as a curiosity. When I got home and de-bagged it, I noticed the "All-New" story promoted on the back cover... and, well -- this might make me seem like an even more Fake-Ass Comics/X-Men Historian than ever, it was a story I never realize x-isted! Cracked it open -- saw the weird little story -- saw the very recognizable "climax" panel... and, figured I might as well add it to the Vignette pile.

Which... some several hundred words later, finally brings us to actually talkin' about the thing.

--

We open on... well if the title is to be believed (and it really shouldn't be), a day like any other, where Kitty Pry... err, waitasec... what happened to her face? I know Byrne mentioned that he used Sigourney Weaver as inspiration for Kitty' facial design, but I didn't realize he meant "current day". Lemme just get this outta the way -- the art here, though we've got Cockrum's name in the credits -- ain't gonna be the most pleasant to behold. I feel bad saying so -- but, well, it has to be said. Anyway, she's practicing some of her gymnastics in the Danger Room, when she overexerts herself and misses a reach of the uneven bars -- resulting in her slamming to the ground shoulder first. She was so shocked by the miss, that she didn't even have the chance to phase through the floor before hitting it. Lucky (?) for her, Illyana is there to check and make sure she's not too dinged up. Well, let's hope she doesn't look Kitty in the face.

Illyana tells Kitty how overwhelming the Xavier Mansion is... and how she's been exploring it bit-by-bit. Now, let's try and match this up in "real-time"... well, Marvel-real-time, anyway. This Special Edition X-Men has a February, 1983 cover-date -- which lines it up with the release of Uncanny X-Men #166. Yup, it lines up -- (teen-age) Illyana was still quite new to the mansion at this point. Anyway, so it's here that Kitty decides that she'll give her pal the grand tour of the place -- starting with a chat about the Dangerous Room they currently occupy. Now, there's something to be said about subtlety, yes? And how it's possible to write an info-dump without it immediately feeling like one. Well, Claremont kinda straddles the line here -- some bits feel like organic lines of conversation, while the rest are text-book citations. Oh well, I suppose that sorta was the mission of this short story, eh?

After a once over of the Danger Room, including a brief comparison of the new Shi'ar version and the Original "wrecking balls and spiked walls" version, the gals head into Professor X's office. Well, I'm actually getting a bit ahead of myself. Kitty tells Illyana that the School is broken up into three segments. In addition to some "common areas", there are areas for the X-Men, the New Mutants, and for Xavier himself. Okay, with that said, it's into Xavier's study. Kitty points out that there's a lab in there that no one's allowed to enter -- so, that's probably where the Juggernaut's hanging out. Also, Cerebro, which Kitty describes as being something that the Professor doesn't use very often because of the massive strain it puts on his brain. I mean, it's not like he'll ever wear the thing as a helmet, right?!

Since there ain't all that much more to look at here, the girls next head up to the attic to admire Storm's indoor garden. Kitty says that she's responsible for taking care of it while Ororo's away -- and that includes having full-on conversations with the plants! Well, it works for my mother-in-law. I tell ya, her plants grow alarmingly fast -- whereas ours refuse to. Only difference seems to be that she talks to them all the time. I ain't no botanist... not even a fake-ass one, so I couldn't say what's what. Kitty also shares a story of Ororo's past with Illyana, which I cannot off the top of my head, pin-point. Though, since it's Claremont, I'm sure it's a legit nod to his own prior work.

Next up, we'll do a two-fer, since there ain't much to this next leg of the tour. First stop is the "Guest Room", which formerly belonged to Jean Grey. Kitty mentions that she'd only ever met Jean once, and it was right before she died. During that meeting, however, Jean did save her life. The next room over, belongs to Cyclops -- who, Kitty doesn't really seem to have a whole lot to say about. We see that he's got some rocketship paraphernalia on his shelves, a framed photo of he, Corsair, and (assumedly) Alex. There's also a portrait of Jean on his desk. Like I said, Kitty is quite disinterested in this leg of the tour, probably because "eww, original five".

Next stop is Wolverine's room -- which, is far more romantic and samurai-ish than Illyana expected. Wolverine's original miniseries (Claremont/Miller) had already run by this point -- which, I suppose defined Logan's personality as a dude who's into Japanese culture. He's got a couple of framed photos on his table... which, if the wayyy overused (and not half as funny as folks seem to think) meme can be believed, he probably snuggles up with 'em in bed regularly.

Next, we've got another two-fer. Nightcrawler's room is equipped with a jungle gym, which he sometimes lets Kitty use. He's also got a tiny pterodactyl in a birdcage. The dino's name is Colonel Pterydactylee... and this is apparently the only time we'll ever see the li'l feller. Then, it's Colossus room, which as you might imagine looks kinda artsy. It's here we get a bit of icky statutory chatter among the gals. Illyana really seems to wanna see Call Me Kitty get it on with her big bro. It's... ya know, icky.

From here, we head to Kitty and Illyana's shared dorm... and it's a mess. It's full'a fun pop culture relics of the day -- and, a bit more icky "you ought start banging my big brother" chatter. Kitty feels about as weirded out as the rest of us do about this proposed coupling. She states that Piotr is 19... and she's only 14. Wow, before we get into the Chris Hansen-ness of that line, let's talk about Katya's age for a beat. Here, in 1983 (our time), CC tells us that she's 14. From here, we'll have the Mutant Massacre... Kitty'll leave to join Excalibur, where she'll stay for the entirety of its 125 issue run (including a romantic... and physical relationship with Pete Wisdom), she'd also join S.H.I.E.L.D.! Then, she'd be brought back (with Colossus and Nightcrawler) during that weird Children of the Atom dealie -- then, a couple'a years after that, CC would return to the X-Books, and have Kitty say that she's "only 16". Hrmm. I'm all for "sliding timelines", but... c'mahhhhhhhn, Chris. Okay, with that outta the way, Illyana continues to badger Kitty into boffin' her brother, even going so far as to say that Romeo and Juliut had a bigger age gap between 'em. Oy.

Howasabout we move along before we're added to a watch-list, yes? Okay, lets. Kitty and Illyana then head out to the pool, where... speaking of creeps, a bald man is watching them via monitor... and he's quite pleased by what he sees. Sinisterly, she posits that he'll give them a return home they won't soon forget! Uh-oh.

After dipping in the pool, the gals dip into the lake. It's a very swimmy afternoon, ya see? From the lake, they reach a secret underwater entrance to the Blackbird hangar. They then head off to the adjoining "dressing room" to change clothes and blow-dry their hair -- before taking a peek at the Mansion's "holography system" -- basically a way to keep tabs on the entire property and ensure nobody breaks in.

Speaking of which -- they just so happen to see an intrusion occur right before their eyes! Someone has broken into the main house! The girls hop into the tram-monorail-gimmick to rush back and see what's up. On the way, Kitty tells Illyana about that N'Garai monster she had to fight on that one Christmas Eve -- a story I discussed during Merry X-Lapsed, Year One.

Anyway, they finally make it to the main house... and come up to the room where the holographic alarm sounded. Kitty goes to open the door... at which time, Illyana shoves her into the room - where... the entire X-tended Family are waiting to spring a Surprise Birthday Party on Ms. Pryde. Gonna guess she turned 14... today then? Worth noting, if you're a part of the X-Lapsed Facebook Group... this is the image I usually post anytime a member has a birthday. I never stopped to think about what issue it actually occurred in... but, now I know!

Kitty blows out her candles, kisses a confused and uncomfortable Piotr on the lips, and thanks Illyana for keeping her off the scent long enough for the party to be sprung, thereby gifting her the best day of her entire life.

--

So... that was our look into the "Secrets of the Mansion", courtesy of Kitty and Illyana -- what'd you all think of that one?

I... kinda dug it. Looking at it in the Gestalt of when it was released, it stands to reason that Marvel would wanna properly introduce the new/then-current cast of characters to a potentially new reader, who might've heard a bit of a buzz about Giant-Size. So, in this Special Edition package, you're getting Giant-Size in its entirety... plus, something x-tra. Now, as I've mentioned time and again -- Giant-Size ain't all that great a story. It's basic, it's formulaic -- it's a means to an end, and not much more. It's quite surprising how Claremont was able to springboard from it into his seminal and legendary run!

Now, the transition from Warren's famous "whattawegonnadowi'tirteenecksmen?" line into Kitty stumblin' and fumblin' in the Danger Room might be a bit of a shock to the system for a newbie -- but, the story itself (while not pleasant to look at) does the job of familiarizing us with the current-day status quo quite well. Using Illyana as our POV character was a great idea as well. At this point, she was "new" enough of a character to come across as somewhat naïve... while being familiar enough with all things X to be able to follow along and interject when context was needed.

This was also a fun reminder of Kitty and Illyana's friendship... which, in my opinion, hasn't felt this genuine in ages. Nowadays... well, nowadays, the characters change personalities just as often as the writer needs 'em to in order to tell their story -- so, it's probably not a fair comparison. In any event, it was fun to see 'em chummin' it up here. Even if the "hey, you oughta go bang my adult older brother" discussion was perhaps a bit too "take a seat" for my tastes.

The quick 'n dirty on the current slew of X-Folks was, as mentioned during the spoilery synopsis, a decent enough straddling of organic discourse and infodump lecture. It served its purpose... though, I tell ya what, it was very weird at how (comparably) little discussion Jean and Scott got here. I guess it's all about when you discover the team, eh? As you (may) know, I came in with the 1991 series, where Scott and Jean loomed large -- and characters like Nightcrawler and Kitty were off in that other weird book I couldn't afford to add to my meager pull.

The ending with the reveal of Kitty's surprise birthday party was cute. I'm happy to finally know where that "SURPRISE!" panel came from -- lord knows I use the thing often enough over at the FB group! Weird that I never stopped to think where it first appeared! I guess I probably just assumed I'd read it somewhere. Sometimes these stories blend together.

I don't wanna dwell too long on the art... because, ya know -- I'm not an artist, and I feel bad bagging on the work of others, but... woof. Not sure if this was a rush job, or perhaps Cockrum didn't blend well with Barta... but, the difference between that final page of the story from Giant-Size and the first page of this? Man, that'll send ya into some weird ocular whiplash! Not the finest outing art-wise.

Overall, glad to finally own this Special Edition... and very pleased to be able to x-perience and share an X-Men ditty I never knew x-isted! Hope you all dug this dip into the weird... and, I'll get things more back to "normal" next time out.

X-Men Vignettes, Chapter Ten (1987)

X-Men Vignettes, Chapter 10 (1987)
"Tag, Sucker!"
Writer - Chris Claremont
Art - John Bolton
Letters - Tom Orzechowski
Colors - Glynis Oliver
Edits - Kavanagh, Nocenti, Shooter
From: Classic X-Men #10 (June, 1987)

Our story opens with Wolverine acclimating himself to life in and around New York City... and since this is the less PG-NYC of the long ago, it's full'a all sorta smut -- and Claremontian Captions waxing on about said smut. Our man goes to light up a smoke... however, before the match can do its thang, the cig is swiped right out from between his lips! Our hero is shocked... as even his hyper-keen senses (which he's always bragging about) didn't give him any warning. This act of cigarette-stealin' is just the opening gambit in a playful... and eventually bloody, little game of tag between Wolverine and... well, you know. Worth noting, Wolvie is stood outside a movie theatre which is advertising Marada the She-Wolf, which is a 1985 novel written by Claremont with illustrations by Bolton!

Wolverine feels eyes... and a smile. I guess those world-famous senses are finally kicking in. He busts through a crowd of New Yorkers, worrying that his pursuer could be any one of them. Ya see, there are so many folks here that he's having trouble "zeroing in" on who might just be out to get him. Our man runs through traffic, and acrobats himself up to a fire escape. On the way up, he informs us that he was once a secret agent -- working in Siberia and the West Pacific. I don't think this is completely "new" information at this point, but, retcononically -- it might be his first time mentioning it. At least to this point. I think. Oh, Chris just stop worrying about it and move on...

Out of (immediate) harm's way, Wolverine finds himself at the West Side Saloon in Chelsea -- where he proceeds to complain-in-Claremontian about gentrification. He doesn't dig the fact that these seedy ol' joints are being rehabbed into places where folks actually might wanna be. Inside, he's given a brew by the barkeep... who seems to have some keen-senses of his own. He tells our hero that, if he's lookin' for trouble, he'd better take it outside.

From here, we get a pretty neat page of Wolverine taking in his surroundings... while also spending a lot of narrative captions saying very little. His eyes eventually wander over to the bar, where a... I don't know if she's supposed to be attractive or a trainwreck (it's a blurry line sometimes, innit?)... but, a woman is there, and she smiles at him. Our man doesn't seem to notice her smile... but, instead sees another -- disembodied, deadlier and dare I say sabre-toothed, smile from outside the window.

Wolverine rushes toward the door to try and track down the owner of this smile. He's so out-to-lunch, however, that he nearly knocks the grinning woman off her barstool! When he arrives outside the gin-joint, he sees... well, he sees nothing.

The grinning lady heads out to lambaste our man a bit for being less-than-classy. She then disappears around the corner -- where she is loudly murdered by... well, you know. The barkeep rushes out to see what's what -- and despite the fact that the only two people here are Wolverine and the dead woman (Francie) -- doesn't seem to think our fella done the deed? I thought he was already kinda wary of Wolvie being somewhat dangerous? Oh well...

Wolverine leaves the scene of the crime, fearing that the next death at the hands of... well, you know... will be him. He climbs down into the subway, and hops a ride on the side of a train, taking him to Battery Park -- for some reason. There, he changes into his Yellow and Blue Wolverine togs -- and pops his claws. Worth noting, he says that his (razor-sharp and unbreakable) Adamantium claws were "bionically implanted" into his forearms... which, at the time, was as good a guess as any!

From here -- we head right into our ending. Wolverine is grabbed from behind and has his throat ripped out! He's then tossed into the drink, while his (still unseen, but obvious) attacker informs him that he's "always been a disappointment". Later, Wolverine pulls himself out and onto the Staten Island Ferry... informs us all that he's got, ya know, a healing power that saved him. And finally, let's the sabre-toothed cat outta the bag about who he just engaged in this deadly game of tag with! He worries that he'll never be able to stand toe-to-toe against his foe.

--

If you're familiar with X-Lapsed, you'll know that -- if nothing else, I tend to repeat myself a lot. In fact, one of the things I repeat most often is that very fact. Another thing you may know is that, I usually enjoy Wolverine stories... but, dread actually having to talk about them -- because, they usually don't lend themselves to the sort of "biting" analysis I like to do.

This story here is... very much like that. I enjoyed it -- I mean, what's not to dig about a fun Wolvie romp, right? That said, however -- what in the world can I possibly say about it. Not much. It's Wolverine doing Wolverine things... facing off with and coming up short against his arch-enemy. It's good -- and perhaps back in ye old 1987, a very novel story to tell -- but, in "current year", with countless similar Wolverine stories out there, there just isn't much to talk about!

So, instead -- howsabout we jump into the ever-nebulous "weeds"?

Knowing what we know now, Wolverine and Sabretooth have quite the tangled history, yes? As of the publication of Classic X-Men #10 back in 1987, that history hadn't been fully fleshed out. This issue hit the same month as Uncanny X-Men #218. Wolverine and Sabretooth's first actual run-in (barring retcons) was Uncanny #212... or Power Pack #27, if we wanna look like know-it-alls (Wolverine and Sabretooth DO share the cover... but do NOT cross paths in the ish). In either event, their "shared history" at this point is... ya know, brief.

What we know now, however, is that their history goes back for... ever. It also includes these "games of tag" every so often -- and, an annual visit from Sabretooth on Wolverine's birthday -- where be beats him to within an inch of his life, pretty much just to show off that he can. We don't find out that today is Wolverine's birthday... but, hey -- we're in the weeds, right?

Another interesting wrinkle to me in this story... which might just be a case of me pretending that I know "how the sausage is made", is the fact that -- when Sabretooth plopped Wolverine into the drink, he said that he's always been a disappointment. Well, seasoned X-Fans might remember Claremont's flirtation with the idea that Sabretooth was Wolverine's father (and even made it canon in X-Men Forever, if I'm not mistaken). I've got a few magazines where CC talks about that -- and [around 30 minutes later] naturally, they're all currently at the old house.

It ain't like I'm blowing any minds or anything though, and information about Wolverine's proposed parentage isn't too terribly difficult to track down if you're interested. But, all that to say, I found Sabretooth's dialogue here to be very much in the vein of a "disappointed father". So, I wonder if Claremont already had that in mind as a possibility at this point?

To talk a little about the story itself -- it's probably best not to think too hard about it, ya know? There are bits here that feel extremely sloppy -- such as: Why would the barkeep just let Wolverine leave after finding Francie's bleedin' corpse? Were the police called? Is Wolverine a wanted man? I dunno! On the other hand, I always appreciate Wolverine being portrayed as less than perfect. Seeing him get his butt handed to him by Sabretooth was refreshing, and spoke to the fact that he's still got a long way to go in training and mental focus. That's good stuff.

Like I said, gang -- I'm vampin' for word count here -- there ain't much to say about this story besides the fact that: a) it was good, and b) it was beautifully drawn. Overall, this one'll probably take ya less than five minutes to read... and I'd say it's well worth that time.

X-Men Vignettes, Chapter Nine (1987)

X-Men Vignettes, Chapter 9 (1987)
"The Gift"
Writer - Chris Claremont
Art - John Bolton
Letters - Tom Orzechowski
Colors - Glynis Oliver
Edits - Kavanagh, Nocenti, Shooter
From: Classic X-Men #9 (May, 1987)

Well, it had to happen eventually -- while what we're about to discuss isn't a bad story (I say that a lot, don't I?), if we were to compare it to our other Vignette offerings to this point, I personally feel like it's a bit of a dud.

It's Nightcrawler-centric, and it occurs right after Christmas... you'd think I'd be a total sucker for a ditty like this. Well, maybe actually writing about it will change my tune a bit? Wouldn't be the first time!

--

This story is a continuation of X-Men #101 (which was the main feature in this issue of Classix), and it opens with the X-Men waiting around at the hospital waiting for news on Jean. In #101, Jean did the whole Phoenix "Rising from the ashes of Jamaica Bay" thing -- so, she's "alive"... only, she slipped into a coma pretty quick. As mentioned in the pre-ramble, Nightcrawler will be out point-of-view character this time out. He gazes out a window, and notes that the hospital hasn't yet bothered to take their Christmas Tree down... despite the fact that it's already the second week of January. Sounds like my house! After looking at both his reflection in the glass and dropping a full-blown Claremontian soliloquy, Kurt spots a young boy sitting on a bench by the Tree. He BAMFs down to investigate.

In the down-below, the young boy is frightened by a bird who'd made its home in the Christmas Tree, causing him to fall off the bench. This gets a belly-laugh out of our Fuzzy Elf. Kurt (using his Image Inducer, natch) greets the boy, asking what he's doing out here so late. The kid really ain't in any mood to talk -- he makes it quite clear that he's just here waiting, and doesn't wanna be bothered. Kurt, again, suggests that this fella get on home before anything bad happens. The kid ain't movin'... which leaves our hero with a bit of a dilemma -- does he BAMF out and not worry about him, or... does he stick by this boy's side, just in case.

Before Nightcrawler can decide, they are both approached by a security guard who informs them that they're both trespassing. In fact, he wonders how either of them managed to get into the courtyard at all, considering the gates have been locked all night. Well, we know how Kurt got in... but, what about the boy? I guess this rent-a-cop's never heard of kids climbing fences, eh?

Anyway, the guard tells them to skadoo before he calls the actual police. Before we move on though, I just wantcha to deposit the fact that the guard addressed Nightcrawler and the boy into your memory banks. Okay, with that said -- Kurt and the lad head into the hospital cafeteria for a bite. Our man introduces himself, and shares that he has a very dear friend in intensive care at present. Hmm. Ya know, I don't wanna be "that guy", but, have Kurt and Jean even had a conversation at this point? I mean, she left the school shortly after the Krakoa ordeal. I dunno, I can't speak for Kurt's heart, maybe they are "dear friends" -- it probably definitely doesn't matter. Kurt says that his "dear friend" is lucky because she gets to be asleep while everybody else worries. I "get" that, but -- still kind of a dick thing to say, no? Oh well, the boy returns the favor, introducing himself as Daniel Cameron... and kinda calls Kurt out on his stupid line when he alludes to the fact that he is a cancer survivor... or, rather just that he had cancer.

With the noshin' done, Kurt informs Daniel that he'll be escorting him home. Daniel doesn't care one way or another. When their hunt for a cab proves futile, they decide to hoof it. Kurt attempts to reach the boy over and over -- which is about as futile as, well, finding a cab at 2am. Finally, our man takes a page out of his circus days, and walks on his hands for a bit. This actually manages to break through and get Danny's attention.

The boy begins to get a bit cocky at this point... proclaiming that he's bored of the city scenery, he runs into Central Park. Central Park... in the middle of the night... back in the 70s/80s? Yeah, not a great idea, kid! Daniel gives our man a "Catch me if you can", and is rendered quite shocked when Kurt BAMFs in ahead of him. He doesn't actually SEE the BAMFing, just that his new adult pal has beaten him into the Park.

From here, we get, what feels like a dozen pages of Kurt teaching Daniel how to juggle. Like for real, this scene -- while actually quite brief -- feels like it lasts forever and a day. Before the Sun comes up, our man is able to get the boy to successfully bobble the balls. Minds out of the gutter, please.

The night out wraps up back at Daniel's stoop. Here, Kurt feels as though he ought to share his true self with the boy. Again, minds out of the gutter. He shuts down the Image Inducer, revealing his Fuzzy Elf form. As we found out a few chapters back, people don't seem to mind it when a smiling demon is standing in front of them -- better a demon than a steel-skinned Russian, anyway -- so, Daniel accepts Kurt's true form. They embrace promising to see each other back at the hospital the following day.

Which takes us to the hospital... and the following day. Kurt finds a nurse to inquire as to where he might find Daniel Cameron. To which, we get our Twilight Zone twist -- the nurse points to the blanket-covered corpse she's wheeling out of a room, and informs our hero that this is Daniel Cameron... and he died the night before! Kurt can't believe it -- and tries to wrap his mind around exactly what it was that he x-perienced the night before. We wrap up with Nightcrawler back outside by the Christmas Tree, where he juggles-in-Claremontian for his ethereal pal.

--

So yeah, like I said above -- this isn't a bad story, and it's actually quite touching. That said, and like I said above (again), it kinda felt like a dud to me. Sure, there's plenty to like -- I mean, it's more X-Men after all... from a time before the entire line was bloated and overexposed to the point of parody -- so, there's that. The art, as we've become accustom, is gorgeous. There's a Christmas feeling in the air, which I'm always a sucker for -- but, still -- I'm kinda just sittin' here with a furrowed brow and an embarrassingly constipated look on my mug.

Nightcrawler helping a ghost boy to pass on to the other side -- which that same ghost boy helps him cope with the plight of his comatose "dear friend", Jean... is an okay story to tell. Perhaps it's only in comparing it with the other Vignettes we've looked at that it comes across as being somewhat "less than"? I mean, not every story we've covered (or will cover) is going to be "essential", but -- even then, this one just fell flat. At least for me.

Now, what's my sticking point here? I'm honestly not sure. Is it the "we all saw it coming from a mile away" Twilight Zone twist? Is it how that the rent-a-cop actually seemed to see the ghost boy? Is it the fact that this story could've basically been told using any character in the Marvel Universe as our P.O.V. (minus the juggling, of course)? I dunno. All's I do know is -- it was a bit of chore to both read and write about.

Part of me wonders/hopes that it'll eventually be revealed that Daniel Cameron would eventually manifest mutant powers -- and now, as part of the (current-year) Scarlet Witch's Resurrection Protocol "waiting room", maybe he'll be brought back (a la Northstar's adopted daughter)! If so, y'all better get this ish slabbed with the quickness~! Maybe this little ditty'll be reprinted as a back up in an upcoming issue of Legion of X? If so, ya hoid it here first!

Boy was that a stupid and unnecessary paragraph. Apologies -- this is just what happens when I'm vamping for word count and have very little to say about a given topic! This is probably a sign that I should just wrap it up... so, I will!

Next time out: Wolverine and Sabretooth play a deadly game of tag. Be there!

X-Men Vignettes, Chapter Eight (1987)

 

X-Men Vignettes, Chapter 8 (1987)
"Phoenix"
Writer - Chris Claremont
Art - John Bolton
Letters - Tom Orzechowski
Colors - Glynis Oliver
Edits - Kavanagh, Nocenti, Shooter
From: Classic X-Men #8 (April, 1987)

Y'all ready for this?

Today we've got a pretty important little ditty... but, one that I... I dunno, I don't wanna say I have a "problem" with it, because I don't think I do -- but, hmm...

By now, you all (probably) know me, my tics, my weird hyper-focus on things that I shouldn't be worrying about. I chew the scenery, malaise over "how the sausage is made", I'm altogether a bit too serious and unpleasant for my own good.

That said, we're about to discuss a story that was retconned into canon back in Fantastic Four #286 (January, 1986) as part of the lead-in to the launch of X-Factor. This is, of course the Busiek "cocoon" retcon, to sidestep the Shooter edict that Jean couldn't be allowed to -- well, you know -- we'll not get too deep into the weeds, because I'm certain we'll be chatting about this plenty (perhaps even too much) when The Essentials gets to this point.

Anyway, the story we're about to look at is a more fully-fleshed out take on a flashback/memory scene from FF #286 (I'll include a few pics in the "down below"), and ya know - I paid special attention to the "Frontispiece" for this ish. Frontispiece, by the way, is probably the most cringingly pretentious word for "table of contents" I'd ever seen. Anyway, I peeped it to see if there was any "Special Thanks..." to Kurt Busiek, or John Byrne (who wrote the FF story) -- but, nope! Not sure that matters in the slightest... but, it certainly elicited a li'l chuckle outta me. Then again, Byrne didn't even put his name on that FF ish -- instead, it was credited to "You Know Who". Comic pros can be so precious, eh?

Anyhoo, that's more than enough pre-ramble... let's get into it!

--

We pick up right where X-Men #100 (August, 1976) left off -- the New X-Men fought (robot dupes of) the Old X-Men. The X-Men are warned by Peter Corbeau that they gotta evac the space station, because a big ol' solar flare is about to hit. In order to get home, one of our heroes has to sacrifice themselves and remain on the bridge of their ship so they can pilot the thing. Jean Grey is that hero. Our story actually opens with a bit of a retelling of the final pages of X-Men #100 -- Nightcrawler and Colossus are holding Cyclops back -- trying to talk some reason into him. Scott, as you might imagine, isn't at all keen on the love of his life dying. Meanwhile, Jean is all by her lonesome on the bridge -- trying to a) pilot the rig, and b) lighten her own mood by filling up most of the panel with thought balloons!

The shuttle then passes through the solar flare (which, in that issue of Fantastic Four, is compared to the Cosmic Bombardment that gave them their powers -- the FF got to watch this scene play out via a "memory orb", or something like that). Jean attempts to keep her psi-shield up to protect her... but, it isn't to be. She's struck by the flare, shouts Scott's name... and begins to die.

She fades pretty quickly... though, she's still got enough wits about her to speak in full-on Claremontian for the next several pages. Her cellular bonds dissolve, her hair falls out, she looks like barely a husk of her pre-flared self. But then... a light. A brilliant light. Jean assumes this is an hallucination as it vanishes just as soon as it appears.

Only, it doesn't. Jean is left completely unaware of her physical surroundings -- everything turns white. She's floating in nothingness... or at the very least, feels as though she is. Then -- a nebulous humanoid form presents itself. This new friend claims that it'd known Jean Grey from the moment of her conception -- it heard her cries for help, and has chosen to answer them. This isn't quite the way the scene played out in FF #286. There (seen below), Jean's body didn't degrade -- and it seemed as though Jean had more of a choice in the matter.

This figure then makes our gal an offer. Well, first, some parlor tricks to screw with her emotions... but, then there'll be an offer. The Phoenix Force (I assume I can eschew the faux-shadiness over the identity of this cosmic critter, yes?) shows Jean an image of Scott. Jean doesn't understand how this weird visitor would know any of her innermost thoughts. Though, I mean, Jean did spend many years living in the home of a mental-pervert, so this shouldn't be too surprising. Maybe it's all in the context, eh?

The Phoenix Force reminds Jean that she is human... flesh and bone and all that. Whereas, he/she/it is "of Creation". The PF then begins to take on the shape of Jean herself. Our gal is just barely holding on... and is growing as frustrated as she is panicky. She demands to know what this visitor wants of her. The Force, calmly reminds her that -- all it did was answer the call. Jean asked for help... and so, the Phoenix is here. It asks Jean to name her "heart's desire".

Jean is... ya know, a bit distrusting of this entire encounter -- and, hindsight tells us, this is with good reason. Jean pretty much expects there to be a "shoe drop" -- and, ya know -- credit to the Phoenix, it doesn't lie. It basically gives Jean a play on the Million Dollar Man's tagline when it assures her that "everything's got a price". It also doesn't really make its offer all that clear. It seems to me, that Jean believes she's going to be given the powers of the Phoenix here -- rather than being jammed into a cocoon and then replaced by the thing.

Jean talks about "dancing with the devil", which - fair play to Claremont, is a line from the Byrne FF ish, though it's definitely not a 1:1 quotation. She takes the Phoenix's hand... as, there isn't anything she wouldn't do to save the X-Men. The Phoenix, at this point, basically is Jean -- at least in shape and form. It loads our gal into the cocoon, while engaging in a Claremontian cocooning ritual. This performance includes filling most of the panel-space with word balloons, speaking in a purple prose, and finally -- striking a pose. Do NOT try this at home, friends.

We close out with the Phoenix's grand debut in its Jean Grey form as the shuttle barrels ever closer to Jamaica Bay!

--

So, there we have it - the telling of Jean Grey's first encounter with The Phoenix Force.

A nice little story, that works quite well in facilitating (or, "aiding and abetting") the Busiek retcon. Now, again -- we're going to avoid getting too deep into the Phoenix lore, because -- trust me, that's comin' -- suffice it to say, regardless of which side of the "Jean's dead" argument you fall on, we can all at least admire the effort that went into assuaging her of the asparagus-genocide -- and making her "usable" again during the Shooter Era.

But again, we'll go way too deep into that territory when the time comes. Jean-as-Phoenix has been talked to absolute death -- it's basically the "Montreal Screwjob" of X-Men comics. The last thing anybody needs is for me to wax on about it in full more than once.

Instead, I wanna talk a little bit about the -- don't wanna call it a "problem" -- with this story existing here. This is probably the stupidest complaint a fake-ass comics historian can make... but, I feel like adding this back-up to this issue... kinda takes the "oomph" out of the entire thing. Not only does this story lose its gravity (pun possibly intended), but the entire Phoenix Saga, including Dark Phoenix feels a lot less "for keeps". Does that make sense? Probably not.

When I look back on reprint series' from back in the day -- the pre-internet day -- I view them as, primarily, a way in which folks who missed out on the stories the first time can experience them without breaking the bank. Of course, the way in which Marvel added value to Classix is awesome, and admirable to say the very least -- but, at least as it pertains to this back-up... I feel like we're robbing first-timers of the "truest" x-perience. Again, does that make sense?

Let's break this down a bit. This issue of Classix reprints X-Men #100 (August, 1976) -- the Jean/Phoenix story first appeared (in our timeline) in Fantastic Four #286 (January, 1986). That's a decade's worth of stories that have been swept up in this retcon -- and, I wanna make it clear that I have NO problem with the retcon -- but, if I were a "first-time reader" back in '86 -- I know this reveal would definitely affect the way in which I x-perienced some of the more seminal X-Stories to follow! I mean, lemme put it another way -- if you were to read the entirety of Classic X-Men/X-Men Classic, you would get to the reprint of Uncanny X-Men #206 -- which had a June, 1986 cover-date -- meaning damn near the entire run of Classix features a "dead" Jean Grey.

Again, maybe I'm a bit "in the weeds" and worrying about stupid stuff -- but, printing this story... this early... I dunno, it just feels as though it robs the potential new reader of some great reading -- or, at least changes the way in which they might receive future stories.

Now, I do wanna make one thing clear. This is a really good little story. Bolton's art here is pretty terrific -- his dying Jean is beautifully grotesque... if that makes any sense. Claremont... may have taken one too many Claremont pills the morning he wrote this, as... boy howdy, there's more words in this eight-pager than a current-year five-issue Marvel trade paperback -- but, it was still really good.

Part of me wonders if the x-cessive wordiness was to Chris trying to "shout louder" than John Byrne -- but, again -- it's Claremont, who's never really needed a reason to obscure as much art as possible with flowery verbiage. Speaking of Byrne -- here's three pages from FF #286, where we can see Jean's original-original first run-in with The Phoenix Force. I'm still not 100% clear on Wordpress... but, I gotta assume you can click'a da pics to make 'em bigger? If that ain't the case, please lemme know!

Overall -- despite my concerns over how this story might affect a new reader's enjoyment and x-perience with the Bronze Age and Beyond X-Men... it's still a good story. One that I feel everyone should read -- it's just a matter of when it would be most advantageous to do so.